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Warp That Aesop / Doctor Who

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  • If a strange man offers you a ride in a stolen vehicle, you should DEFINITELY accept.
  • It's perfectly acceptable for colonists to commit genocide against the natives, provided that the natives are only giant crabs.
  • Have a problem with aliens? Dinosaurs invading London? Don't fight, don't react, don't do anything - a guy will magically beam in from nowhere, and solve the problem for you. As long as you stayed absolutely still, because regardless of the problem, it was just a miscommunication. One that is all your fault!
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  • And when you eventually decide to maybe learn to handle some situations for yourself and take your fate in your own hands, expect a good chiding from said Knight In Shining Armour. And get your career destroyed for it.
  • Drowning overgrown spider babies is all well and good, but if your enemy is an evil genius you must go to great pains to keep him alive, despite the fact that each second he spends breathing is another opportunity for him to kill innocent people.
  • Enemies who want to obliterate every single living thing must be cherished and protected, but enemies that want to make every single living thing exactly like them can be tortured to death (or forced to commit suicide; your choice).
  • Destroying a deadly enemy who have just proven their word is worthless is wrong; therefore, your entire country should be denied a golden age as punishment.
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  • Conversely, someone who has engaged in a vicious and insane war of genocide, brought untold suffering and misery to the entire world and demonstrates not a single ounce of regret or penitence for his actions should be forgiven immediately — no questions asked.
  • Guns are evil - but any device operated by buttons or levers that kills stuff is fine. And in fact things that behave exactly like guns are also fine so long as they're not actually called guns.
  • Using a less developed population for illegal breeding is ok as long as you murder your main accomplice in front of two witnesses, one of whom knows the relevant authorities that would punish said illegal breeding.
  • Turn Left gives us "Obey your parents, and the universe will come to an end."
    • Mothers are evil! If they aren't emotionally blackmailing you to make you dependent on them, they're hitting on your time-travelling boyfriends. Frankly, families in general should be abolished. They just make you want to destroy the Earth so that your relatives can profit (Slitheen), or your babies can eat the corpses (Racnoss).
  • Professional soldiers are bad people and not be trusted. Species-murdering, emotionally unstable strangers are okay, though.
    • Unless the professional soldiers are led by a British man with a mustache and a relatively upmarket name like, say, Alistair Lethbridge-Stewart.
  • If someone in odd, garish clothes turns up and starts spouting meaningless gibberish, don't worry—they're a time-traveling alien genius, not an escapee from the local mental health ward!
    • And if you don't believe everything he says and immediately ally yourself with him, then you're a mundane person with no imagination, doomed to a dull life free of adventure. If you live.
  • "I can't help it, it's my nature" is a completely unacceptable excuse for selfish, intolerant, cruel or otherwise repugnant behavior. Unless, of course, you happen to be a 1000-year-old supergenius.
  • Constantly changing your moral stance on killing others doesn't make you dangerous or mentally unstable—it makes you a hero!
  • Don't worry about abandoning those who care about and depend on you; they'll get over it, eventually. And even if they don't, you'll forget about them in a few years, anyway.
  • If your bravery inspires others to do brave things which get them killed, it's all your fault.
  • Your partner is more important then the rest of the universe and anyone who says differently should be punched in the face.
  • Do not live in London.
    • Do not live in Cardiff.
  • Killing your loved one can result in marriage.
  • If an alternate universe is in danger, do not try to save it. Your universe is the only one that counts.
  • If you live with a terrible truth that you can't face, imagine yourself being normal and it'll go away. Also applies to Community.
  • If someone who has seen every inch of the universe and has an innate understanding of how time and space work tells you that a particular action is a really bad idea, you should do it anyway. Especially if you've done something similar before and nearly got the whole world eaten in the process.
  • Nothing good ever happens on Christmas.
  • Forget about your old friends. You're going to meet new people, so why contact past acquaintances?
  • For the Twelfth Doctor: Being a huge dick to everyone you meet and treating your best friend like crap doesn't matter at all. At least you're trying to be a good guy and you are saving the day.
  • Brutal honesty is the only honesty.
  • Do you feel like you have been interfering too much and want to step back and let people decide for themselves? Don't. Even if your intentions were good about the lack of interference, they would dislike the fact you didn't help them.
  • If you're feeling angry about your personal life or society in general, then making homemade bombs is a perfectly healthy response. So is hanging around with someone who encourages your destructive behaviour while manipulating you for their own ends. After all, they're only doing it for your own good.
  • If you have to choose between letting a group of children grow up with no parents and letting them die a horrible death with their parents, obviously you choose the latter.
  • If your childhood best friend shows up out of nowhere, resurrects all your loved ones into a zombie army, and sexually assaults you up against a wall, you should totally kiss her a bit later.
  • If you're a soldier facing a group of unarmed civilians some of whom claim to be members of your family, and your commanding officer orders you to open fire, you'd just better mow them all down in cold blood. Otherwise it'll be the worse for you.
  • If you want to try and attempt to make your generally family-friendly show Darker and Edgier, then you might not wish to put your protagonist in a wardrobe that will gain laughter.

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