Warp That Aesop / Buffy the Vampire Slayer

• Want to be a strong female? Great! Just remember that your life is going to really, really suck!
• And also remember that "a strong female" is to be taken really, really literally. Ideally you need a level of physical strength completely unavailable to any actual woman (or man) to have a hope.
• Abuse your boyfriend! It's perfectly ok, because he's evil! (Charmed is guilty of this one too)
• But if he hits you, he's a monster and must be destroyed, no matter how many times you've broken his bones.
• Oh, and don't fall in love with anyone - they'll either die, or turn evil and try to kill you, or you'll have to break up for some other convoluted reason. Either way, love only ends up in misery and general suckiness. But, at least when you mope around you'll get a montage complete with a wangsty rock song to accompany it.
  • This would probably apply to any Joss Whedon product.
  • Oh, it could apply to a much bigger grouping than just that.
    • It could apply to any product of The WB and/or The CW except Supernatural, which has issues of its own (see below).
• If one human being is responsible for the death of another human being - even if only accidentally during a heated battle - then that person must forever be considered a murderer and be held to account for their actions... UNLESS that person is absorbing dark magic and about to destroy the world or a vampire dating the Slayer, in which case it's no biggie.
• Being an attractive blond with super powers absolutely sucks. If this ever happens to you, whine and mope about it as much as possible.
• Saving the world and protecting humanity from terrors from the night is best left to the Chosen One. Having military training, as well as the resources and manpower to deal with threats across the world just makes you corrupt and incompetent. Just leave it to the high school students and their single location.
• Underage girls having sex with far older men (dead or alive) is awesome. Just don't let them drink, beer is liquid evil!
  • BEER IS FOAMY! Also, FIRE BAD, TREE PRETTY.
• Necrophilia is awesome. (See The Twilight Saga for more details.)
• Okay, so you've tried to kill your friends a few more times than is kosher, and they may or may not be involved with various forms of demonism and dark arts that could have destroyed the world, but, hey, at least you'll have something interesting to tell your therapist about, and, in the end, isn't that what true friendship is all about?
  • Not that you go to a therapist.
• No matter how many innocent people you have tortured and killed in the past it is OK if you now genuinely feel bad about it.
• Just because someone has been abandoned countless times and is going into a tailspin doesn't mean you should stop wangsting about your life, even if you have friends who care about you and someone who loves you, which is more than many people have, and pay attention to the person. In fact, you should get angry about them going into a tailspin while you put your own life into a tailspin, even if their life is much worse than your own.
• Killing people who have killed multiple people, tried to kill others including multiple attempts on your best friend, raped at least one person and is a general threat to every decent person is wrong. Despite the fact that you've killed other bad guys before and laughed about it.
• From Season 8 we have: Going off to have sex with a guy who lost his soul last time you fucked him is a good idea. Wait a minute, I didn't twist that at all.
• So, you're sexually attracted to somebody with a history of criminal violence and murder and who, in his last relationship, thought torture and rape was a good way to rekindle the romance. Also, you don't love them and aren't even willing to concede that they are a person. It's a wonderful idea to get involved in a sexual relationship where the two of you continually pretend to rape one another. But if he almost rapes you (and stops when he realises you are not into it), then that near-rape is the only messed-up part of the scenario. Also, in these situations, the best way to end the relationship is to go to their house late at night and, rather than let them down gently, give a speech designed to humiliate them.
• And if your boyfriends' happen to occasionally go on murder sprees that's ok, too, because you love them (or at least want their bodies) and at other times they mean well. Or look great in leather.
• Killing as many members of races you don't like as you possibly can is fine, as long as they really look different from you. Killing your own race is evil evil evil. Even if the member of your race is a murderer and the member of the other race is a newborn.
• Non-super-powered people should never ever be entrusted with protecting themselves from supernatural evils. Even if they actually do reasonably well, it is just not going to work - the people in charge will inevitable try to exploit the monsters they're supposed to fight, which will backfire, leaving the Chosen One to clean up the mess, which the foolish Muggles should've left to her in the first place. Naturally, even one such failed experience is enough to scrap all the efforts and never attempt to learn from the mistakes and retry. In fact it would be better for everyone if the Muggles just learn their role, that of helpless, useless victims, and stick with it. If they're lucky, the Chosen One might need some cannon fodder for the next big fight, and they'll get the chance to die with some meaning.
  • It goes without saying that any kind of cooperation between the Chosen One and the authorities is out of the question, because the authorities are made of equal parts greedy, amoral bastards who will think of nothing but exploiting the Chosen One, and bigoted, paranoid, easily dupabale fools who will hate and prosecute the Chosen One for "being different" or "being a menace", or because the villain convinced them black is white and the Chosen One is actually evil.
• If your friend goes into a depressive tailspin because of something you and your friends thought was a good idea, don't support them. Focus on your feelings, how happy you are to have them around and heap tons of pressure on them to take on even more responsibilities than before & freeload off of them instead of supporting them or getting them the help they need. Bonus points if they date someone they never normally would while in said depressive tailspin and instead of offering the slightest bit of empathy, you judge them on their dating choices (and bonus bonus points if you've judged them on their dating choices in the past because you're bitter they rejected you). The only cure for their depression is expecting them to get over it, and you don't have to pay attention to how their external circumstances or your behaviour might be adding to their stress.
• There's no such thing as bisexuals, you're either straight or gay. And you can spontaneously go from being one to the other.
• It's perfectly acceptable—funny, even!—for you to break into your boyfriend's home unannounced, restrain his limbs and rip open his clothing for sex before even establishing who you are. It's also funny and acceptable to ignore his withdrawal of consent and preform oral sex on him when he has pointedly asked you to leave. But, if he does the same to you, even if he stops before any actual sex happened unlike you did, that's some serious business and he's an absolute monster. Only women can be raped!
  • For that matter, if someone takes over your body and uses it to have sex with your boyfriend, he accidentally cheated on you! He's not a victim, he's a big doofus who couldn't tell it wasn't actually you and it's reasonable to resent him for it!
• It's alright to groom minors as long as you wait until they are eighteen before trying to take it to the next level. Sure, your age is frozen at twenty sixish, and they're sixteen when you first notice them, but as long as you wait until they're an adult, it's completely fine.