Series / Hardware (2003)

aka: Hardware

Hardware is an ITV Work Com that ran for twelve episodes over two series, from 2003 to 2004. Set in and around Hamway's Hardware Store, London, the show was created by Simon Nye of Men Behaving Badly, and starred Martin Freeman, then best known for The Office (UK), and Peter Serafinowicz.

This series contains examples of:

• Bungled Suicide: A customer in the first episode who attempted to throw himself under a bus. And missed.
• Casual Kink: Anne's interest in bondage, which starts to drain away after she sees how much effort Mike has put into building a perfect restraining device.
  Mike: I work in a hardware shop. I will not allow a girlfriend of mine to be pegged out on a bed using inferior-quality fixings.
• Delayed Reaction: Anne walks into the shop and all the way to the back room before noticing the staff, except for Mike, are all naked.
• Exiled to the Couch: Inverted when Anne decides to sleep on the sofa after finding out that Mike blabbed about her interest in bondage. Unfortunately, she's still mostly tied to the bed at this point.
• Fingore: Steve loses a finger while using a buzz saw.
• The Ghost: Kenny's wife and family.
• Gilligan Cut: Anne makes Mike promise repeatedly that he won't talk about her interest in bondage to the guys at the shop. He does.
• Heel Realisation: Mike, after finding out about the above suicide attempt.
• Hypocrisy Nod: While talking about a customer who they suspect may be building his own makeshift weapon:
  Julie: I hate violence. Which is ironic, because I am actually quite violent.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Mike is an asshole who enjoys mocking customers who have no idea what they're doing, but he's still capable of feeling remorse for the impact of his behaviour.
• Naked People Are Funny: Kenny, Rex and Steve at the end of "Naked".
• Overly Long Gag: Mike asks Kenny his favourite sexual position. He spends over twenty seconds thinking about it with a variety of expressions, before concluding, "They're all good, aren't they?"
• Parallel Porn Titles: Referenced when Mike refers to the Kama Sutra as "pornography for people who haven't got the guts to go and buy Shaving Ryan's Privates or The Orifice."
• Shout-Out: "Women" opens with a customer asking for four candles.
• That Poor Cat: Heard after Anne throws her ironing board out the window of her flat.
• Took a Level in Kindness: Mike, in the first episode. It doesn't last.
• We Want Our Jerk Back!:
  Anne: Sorry to seem ungrateful, it's just that you've been thoughtful and considerate for.. how long is it?
  Mike: A day.
  Anne: God, is that all? But... it's like living with a new person, that's all. It's not you
  Mike: God, you know, that is actually incredibly smart of you, because, see, all this is about scraping away the layers of crap and finding the real me.
  Anne: But the crap is the real you!

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