Biscuits
Teleplay written by: Joe Kelly
Directed by: Zach Braff
Air date: 14 August 2020
Ted and Beard prepare for their first real day coaching AFC Richmond. Ted starts a new tradition that he calls "Biscuits with the Boss," wherein he brings Rebecca a box of shortbread every morning and the two of them get to know each other. After Ted leaves, Rebecca tells Higgins that she's concerned by the possibility that Ted could win over the Richmond players, which would undermine her efforts to destroy the team. Ted makes little headway with the team on his first day, but remains undeterred. He has Nate put out a suggestion box where the players can leave anonymous feedback. In the parking lot, Ted and Rebecca run into Keeley; Rebecca notices that Keeley and Ted's friendship can easily be misconstrued as flirting.
Ted and Beard get dinner at a local pub frequented by Richmond supporters. The two of them discuss Sam, who has been underachieving since he arrived from Nigeria, and decide to help him feel more at home by having the team celebrate his 20th birthday after Saturday's match. They go through the suggestion box, which contains a huge number of insulting notes and one legitimate complaint about the water pressure in the showers being weak. At training the next day, Nate passes around a collection box for the players to chip in for Sam's birthday present. Most of the players do so, but Jamie mocks the idea and insults Ted behind his back.
In anticipation of Richmond's first match with Ted as coach, Ted and Rebecca host another press conference, where a tabloid reporter ambushes Rebecca with the news that yet another one of Rupert's mistresses has come forward. Rebecca is hurt by the revelation, but hides her distress; nevertheless, Ted goes to her office afterwards to ask if she's okay. He also asks her for advice on how to handle Jamie, and she tells him to talk to Keeley. Ted has lunch with Keeley, who tells Ted that Jamie responds well to positive reinforcement. From behind a tree, a paparazzo takes photos of their interaction, which looks very flirtatious out of context.
In the locker room before the match on Saturday, the team surprises Sam with a birthday present that includes some snacks from Nigeria. Ted and Sam have a bonding moment. Richmond proceeds to lose the match 4-1, with Jamie scoring the only goal; however, the commentators note that Sam played extremely well. Ted tells Jamie that he is an amazing athlete, but he needs to be a better team player. The team, with the exception of Jamie, celebrates Sam's birthday with cake and music. Roy goes to take a shower and finds that Ted has fixed the water pressure. It is revealed that Rebecca arranged the photos of Ted and Keeley, which will be published in The Sun the next day; however, she hesitates before giving Higgins the order to publish the photos. Meanwhile, we see that Ted is not buying biscuits for Rebecca, but making them himself from scratch.
Tropes featured in "Biscuits" include:
- Bill... Bill... Junk... Bill...: Ted rifling through the suggestion box plays out like this, as he pulls insult after insult out of the box (most of which just say "Wanker" and one of which he refuses to say out loud). The only actionable feedback is to fix the water pressure in the showers.
- Distracted by the Sexy: Like in the first episode, Ted gets distracted by sports. When he and Beard are walking to work, he gets distracted by kids playing football, especially a girl who kicks the boys's asseses.
- "Eureka!" Moment: When Ted asks if there's any way he can get through to Jamie, Rebecca's eyes light up as she realises that, by having him meet with Keeley at her modelling job, she can get them Mistaken for Cheating and ruin Ted's reputation. Ted, oblivious to her true motives, takes her idea to ask Keeley at face value.
- Family of Choice: Ted starts to build one with the team, starting by celebrating Sam's birthday and giving him some Nigerian treats.
- Foreshadowing: Ted freaks out with his hands during training like he will later during his open panic attack.
- Gilligan Cut: When Ted receives a harsh greeting from the fans at his first match, he states "[Me and Beard] have 90 minutes to prove them wrong". Cut to the end of the game, where Richmond has suffered an embarrassing 1-4 defeat.
- Gone Horribly Wrong: From Rebecca's perspective, suggesting Ted talk to Keeley about Jamie backfires horribly. She wanted to tear the team apart, instead she helped forge some new friendships and let Ted, Keeley, and Roy unite in the face of an intrusive press.
- Innocently Insensitive: Ted's son, Henry, sent him a care package including a bunch of army men. Ted starts re-gifting them to people. Sam asks not to keep it because he doesn't share Ted's fondness for the US military (because imperialism).
- Insult Backfire: The commentators describe Richmond's single point in the match as "a meaningless consolation goal for Jamie Tartt in injury time." Jamie is just glad they mentioned that he scored a goal.
- It's All About Me: This is the start of Jamie's journey, and he's really a douche. He responds well to Ted's positive reinforcement, though, in a two steps forward, one step back kind of way.
- Jerkass: Everybody on the team is willing to chip in for Sam's birthday but Jamie doubles down on being an asshole by putting gum in the box.
- Mistaken for Cheating: Invoked by Rebecca in an attempt to sabotage Ted's reputation.
- Not So Above It All: Rebecca desperately tries to be above the "would you rather be a lion or a panda" discussion, but as soon as Ted declares he'd rather be a panda, she immediately interjects that the correct answer is "lion".
- The Pratfall: Colin gets bowled over by the fixed showers.Roy: Careful, the gaffer's fixed the water pressure.
- Pun: Higgins confirms his and Ted's salad lunch date with "Caesar you later", causing Ted to burst back into Rebecca's office to congratulate him on the pun.
- Rewatch Bonus: Colin is seen getting physical therapy in the middle of the locker room instead of the treatment room because the treatment room is still cursed at this point.
- Second Episode Introduction: Pub owner Mae makes her first appearance in this episode.
- Sore Loser: After losing the match, Jamie very unprofessionally blames Ted and criticizes his management in an interview with Trent Crimm.
- Stepford Smiler: Rebecca does her best when a member of the press confronts he about another Rupert girl, someone he had been having an affair with for five years and is still with, but she's clearly hurt by it and wants to get out of the discussion as quickly as possible.
- Those Two Guys: This episode introduces AFC Richmond's football announcers, Chris and Arlo.
- Through His Stomach: Ted invokes a more platonic version of this trope with "Biscuits with the Boss", where he takes a box of shortbread biscuits to Rebecca every morning so they can get to know each other better. Rebecca initially tries to refuse them, but then she tries one and is shocked by how delicious they are. She later has Higgins search every bakery in the area to find out where Ted got the biscuits, but it's revealed at the end of the episode that Ted makes them himself.
- Took a Level in Kindness: Subverted. At first, Jamie seems to take Ted's advice about being a team player to heart, even telling Trent Crimm that the loss isn't about him and he's just one of eleven players on the pitch... right up until he overhears two Crystal Palace players talking about how easily they beat Richmond, at which point he immediately reverts to his It's All About Me ways and starts trash-talking Ted's management style to Trent.
- Unsportsmanlike Gloating: To be fair, they didn't do it to the Richmond players' faces, but two of the players from Crystal Palace are heard laughing about how winning the match was like taking candy from a baby.
