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Quotes / Heads I Win, Tails You Lose

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Lynx: "You cannot defeat me, Serge... This is because denying me is the same as erasing your very existence."
Serge: (beat) "But I just did defeat you. What are you even talking about? You don't even know, do you?"
Lynx: "Foolish young child. You actually believe there is a connection between gameplay and cutscenes. Let me shatter your delusions of grandeur."
— From The Dark Id's Let's Play of Chrono Cross, after the final battle of the first act

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Dan: "Heads, I win. Tails, you lose?"
Gavin: "Yeah."
(beat)
Dan: "You lose."
The Slow Mo Guys on deciding who is shot with a paintball gun

"Failure isn't allowed until it's mandatory."

"Why am I even trying anymore?"
Raiden, Let's Destroy Metal Gear Againnote 

Billy the Kid: What I win, I keep. What you win, I keep.
Bill and Ted: Sounds good, Mr. the Kid!

One of these guns is an illusion; the other is quite real. I will fire the one you select into your skull. Choose now, and choose carefully.
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(five seconds later)
Good guess... too bad I didn't inform you that the illusory pistol was concealing a very real knife.
—The Ace Of Spades, Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Ravnos

Mark: I let you win, because I pity you.
Jordan: Oh, did you?
Mark: I pity your miniscule fortune that you made, and in fact, you are truly the lesser gentlemen between us.
Jordan: Oh, is that right?
Mark: No. You are the better man, and that makes me the better gentleman, because I am willing to admit when I am defeated.
Jordan: What? Bu- I- Ah—
Mark: That is how it works!
Jordan: If I am the one who—
Mark: You are the better man, so that means I'm the better gentleman.
Jordan: So does that mean whoever loses, so long as they congratulate the winner, makes them the better gentleman?
Mark: No, it's if I lose, I win, and if I win, I win.
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