Not to be confused with the trope pertaining to genuinely kind-hearted characters, 'Nice Guy Syndrome' is a term coined by American psychologist Robert Glover, author of the famous self-help book No More Mr. Nice Guy. With this term, Dr. Glover describes a generation of men who have been externally and internally conditioned to seek external validation, as opposed to sourcing their worth from who they are, what they do and their innate masculine energy.
Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are "good," they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results — as it often does — Nice Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are often anything but nice.
In reality, their behavior is made up of hiding their flaws and becoming what other people want them to be.
This fun page is about listing out tropes that accurately describe their behavior, tropes about recovering Nice Guys and tropes about characters that display this behavior.
Tropes associated with Nice Guy Syndrome:
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: A distorted belief commonly held by Nice Guys, who fail to realize that repressing their sexual energy doesn't make women attracted to them.
- Always Save the Girl: Because a Nice Guy's pursuit of approval is most overt when it comes to relating to the opposite sex (it starts with their mother, then the largely female-dominated education system, and then women they're attracted to), expect them to fall into this line of thinking.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: The term 'Nice Guy' is a misnomer, because Nice Guys are usually anything but nice. They can often be controlling, manipulative and full of repressed rage that tends to erupt at the most inappropriate times.
- Consummate Liar: The fact that Nice Guys alter their personalities to please the people around them makes Nice Guys fundamentally dishonest.
- Destructive Romance: Nice Guys have a knack for getting involved in dysfunctional relationships due to their proclivity for attracting women who need fixing.
- Dogged Nice Guy: They cling to their ineffective paradigm even when it clearly doesn't work, and nowhere is it more apparent than in their relations with the opposite sex.
- Emotion Suppression: Because Nice Guys are afraid of their emotions and are afraid of doing anything that might cause negative emotions in others or 'rock the boat', they often repress their feelings and cause long-term psychological harm to themselves.
- Entitled to Have You: Nice Guys frequently believe that their niceties should entitle them the attraction and approval of women. Unfortunately, their hopes almost never work out.
- Extreme Doormat: Nice Guys often experience difficulty with making their needs a priority and with setting boundaries and are often used and abused by others in their lives. It's no surprise that they often feel like helpless victims.
- Freudian Excuse: The Nice Guy's excuse is toxic shame - an internalized belief that they are bad, defective and unlovable just the way they are, because of experiences or abandonment and neglect in early childhood that they have come to believe they were the cause of.
- Henpecked Husband: Nice Guys, because of their lack of boundaries, tend to be on the receiving end of this trope a lot.
- I Can Change My Beloved: Because they don't know why a healthy, emotionally independent woman would want them, Nice Guys tend to be attracted to women who have troubled childhoods, money problems, severe mood disorders, are sexual abuse survivors or struggling single moms, with the hope that they will turn out to be a polished gem. Needless to say, it always backfires.
- I Work Alone: Nice Guys tend to isolate themselves and avoid seeking help, in their desperate bid to avoid showing any semblance of imperfection or weakness.
- Ineffectual Loner: Even though Nice Guys desperately crave to be loved, their behavior makes it very difficult for people to relate to them and connect with them.
- Just Friends: Since they don't believe a woman they desire would desire them just the way they are, Nice Guys often develop friendships with women hoping they'll turn romantic with time. Unfortunately, most women are not attracted to passively pleasing men.
- Master of None: Even though Nice Guys can be as intelligent and talented as any other man, they almost never live up to their full potential due to their insecurities.
- Men Are Uncultured / All Men Are Perverts: This is a common distorted belief that a lot of Nice Guys harbor, because they're generally disconnected from their masculinity, and consequently, from other men. It's not uncommon for them to make broad generalizations like 'most men are jerks'.
- Momma's Boy: Nice Guys tend to be monogamous to their mothers, which is detrimental to their well-being.
- Morton's Fork: Because Nice Guys tend to be black-and-white in their thinking, the only alternative they see is to become a 'jerk'. In reality, all they need to learn is how to respect their needs and the needs of others, which will lead to a healthier life.
- Motherhood Is Superior: Many Nice Guys do not report having had a close relationship with their father growing up, so they naturally come to believe this.
- My Beloved Smother: Unfortunately, the mothers of Nice Guys tend to be either needy or controlling, both of which are negative for their emotional health and prevent them from individuating in a healthy way.
- The Perfectionist: Nice Guys believe there is a key to having a happy, problem-free life. They are convinced that if they can only figure out the right way to do everything, nothing should ever go wrong. Needless to say, reality always proves them wrong, causing frustration.
- Repression Never Ends Well: Though Nice Guys frequently deny ever getting angry, a lifetime of frustration and resentment creates a pressure cooker of repressed rage deep inside these men. This rage tends to erupt at some of the most unexpected and seemingly inappropriate times.
- Secretly Selfish: Even though Nice Guys tend to be generous givers, they really give to get. Their giving tends to have an unspoken string attached. And when the person that's received doesn't give back, Nice Guys become frustrated and resentful.
- Sex Is Evil, and I Am Horny: Despite Nice Guys' tendency to repress their sexuality, the most common form of addiction for them is sexual compulsion (pornography, peep shows, chat rooms).
- Stepford Smiler: Because Nice Guys tend to repress their feelings, they often deny that they aren't feeling well, or that they might be sad, or angry. A fake smile is one way to get this across.
Tropes associated with recovering Nice Guys:
- Be Yourself: A crucial step in overcoming Nice Guy syndrome is to let go of pursuing other people's approval and learning how to approve of oneself, warts and all.
- Cathartic Crying: When a recovering Nice Guy learns how to get back in touch with repressed feelings or when he unveils his shame, this can and often does happen.
- Grew a Spine: Setting boundaries and making one's own needs a priority helps Nice Guys reclaim their personal power, reclaim their masculine energy and live the life they truly want. This includes love and sex.
- Love Cannot Overcome: When recovering Nice Guys finally realize that their dysfunctional partner is unwilling to make any changes, or when they realize that they should look for partners that don't need fixing, they come to this realization.
