Funny / True Detective

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Season 1

• Hart describing himself a "regular type dude with a big ass dick". And the way he casually takes a sip of coffee after it.
  • Every time Cohle starts philosophizing about man's inhumanity to man, Hart's "that shit cray" reaction is priceless, to the point where he makes his car a place of "silent contemplation," free of Rust's Wangst (although Hart ends up doing the same on numerous occasions).
    • Variations on the "bad men" car scene in episode 3 have gone memetic on Tumblr.
  • "I just want you to stop saying odd shit."
    • And its variation, "What say we make the car a place of silent reflection?"
• For a show that is decidedly murky and depressing, the moment in the first episode where Cohle stops an interview to demand a six-pack from the interviewing police officers is pretty good.
  Cohle: Old Milwaukee or Lone Star. Nothin' snooty.
  • Also the bit where the detectives tell Cohle that smoking isn't allowed anymore, Cohle merely replies "you want the story, right?" One of the cops shoves him a Big Hug coffee mug to put the ashes in.
• Hart and Cohle get another cop to call Hart's house during dinner and concoct a reason for Cohle to leave gracefully, given his apparent discomfort at being there. Halfway through dinner, just as the other cop calls, Cohle decides he's going to stay and keep expounding on his past to Hart's wife instead. The look on Hart's face when Cohle baldly turns down the alibi is priceless.
• Towards the end of the initial interrogation of Dora Lange's ex-husband, Charlie;
  Charlie Lange: Don't need no snitch jacket up in here.
  Hart: [snorts] Gimme a break. This is Avoyelles. It's a goddamn day camp. Spend some time in Angola. Surprised you even have Aryan Nation here.
• This bit between Hart and Cohle during one of their drives;
  Cohle: ...he was religious in some kinda way.
  Hart: Every person within a thousand miles of here is "religious in some kinda way". Except you.
• When Hart and Cohle investigate a brothel that the victim once worked at, Hart identifies one of the victims as being underage and on his way out, he gives her a handful of money, encouraging her to get out of that line of work. What does Cohle say?
  Cohle: Is that your down-payment?
• When Quesada tells Cohle to shut the hell up, Cohle complies...but then mockingly raises his hand when he has something to say.
  Quesada: Well, you're a smartass with your mouth shut.
• During a conversation wherein Cohle outlines his plan to go back to Texas and work out a way at catching Ledoux, a drunken Hart puts on the former's leather jacket from his old undercover days. In the course of his explanation, Cohle shows Hart the wounds he took during a shootout shortly before being reassigned. When they've finished talking, Cohle heads off and Hart absently notices the bullet holes in his partner's jacket...
• Hart's stay at Cohle's apartment after his wife finds out about his affair. Includes him getting coffee and watching Cohle's morning ritual of staring into his own eyes through a tiny, circular mirror with a perplexed look on his face, then later trying to do this himself and asking Cohle for clarification on how he's supposed to do it.
• Possibly erroneous, but when Cohle meets with Maggie at the diner to discuss Hart, his shirt looks just like the one Marty's been wearing in the preceding scenes, seeming to imply that, for whatever reason, Cohle's decided to wear Marty's clothes.
• Cohle snorts some of the coke he's stealing from the evidence lockup of the police station.
  Cohle: [as he's walking out of the lockup] We really need a better system for this.
  • Even more hilarious, in the "Inside the Episode" featurette at the end of the episode, Nic Pizzolatto delivers the following gem:
    Nic: When Cohle is stealing the coke from the evidence lock-up, if it looks like it was just way too easy, that's because back then, it was.
• Hart tries to have a heart-to-heart with Cohle after his wife leaves, but after Cohle continuously changes the subject back to the murder investigation:
  Hart: Every time I think you hit a ceiling, you just keep raising the bar. You're like the Michael Jordan of bein' a sonuvabitch.
• Also:
  Cohle: With all the dick swagger you roll you can't spot crazy pussy?
• When Charlie Lange describes how it was to be Ledoux's cellmate:
  Hart: [while looking at Cohle] Had to be tough, living with someone spouting insane shit in your ear all day long.
• Cohle asks Hart if he's ever been hunting and Hart mistakes it for small talk, responds with some pride, then gets insulted.
  Hart: Yeah, ten point buck year before last, fifty yards.
  Cohle: I'm not talking about sitting in a tree house waiting to ambush a buck come to sniff your gash bait, I'm talking about tracking.
  Hart: Jesus, you're a prick.
• A Black Comedy example after Hart summarily executes prime suspect Reggie Ledoux, and Cohle finds out exactly why:
  Cohle: Fuck him. Good to see you commit to something.
  • Also, when Ledoux's meth partner tries to run away, he trips one of the booby traps around the compound. Cue Ludicrous Gibs.
• Cohle and Hart, in two separate interviews, describing the falsified shoot-out that occurred at Reggie Ledoux's place in the exact same way. Complete with making sound effects and describing stunts straight out of an action movie.
• Marty being referred to as the "human tampon" by his boss.
  • In the same conversation, Cohle calls himself "the person least in need of counseling in the whole fucking state." Sure Cohle, whatever you say. Subverted as of Episode 7 as it turns out Cohle was right and that there is a conspiracy.
• Cohle and Hart get into a physical fight outside headquarters. Their colleagues rush out...and watch the show, some even egging Hart on.
  • Later:
    Cohle: Nice hook, Marty.
• Episode 7 is pretty dark all-around, but it has a good moment of levity when Gilbough and Papania are looking for the Fontenot farm...and get lost. Complete with them bickering about it like a married couple.
  • It's topped off in a Black Comedy way when they end up talking to a man implied to be the Spaghetti Monster, and not even realizing it.
• Marty and Cohle disagree on how to question an old friend of Marty's, who they suspect about withholding information on a missing child case. Cohle suggests employing the use of a car battery and some jumper cables which Marty disagrees to. After Marty amicably says goodbye to his friend, having casually asked him about the case over a sunny round of golf, he calls Cohle.
  Marty: Get the car battery. The motherfucker's lying.
• Cohle's completely dumbstruck reaction when Marty cracks the case.
• After Rust does one of his monologues about all of us being no more than sentient meat.
  Marty: What's scented meat?
• Marty and Cohle lazily flipping each other the bird when Marty visits Cohle in his hospital bed.
  • Marty had initiated this event by loudly slurping on a drink while Cohle was zonked out in bed.
    Marty: I don't know what you're talking about, I just got here and started on my drink when you woke up.
• Doubled with Heartwarming Moments but Marty helping Cohle to his car despite the fact that Cohle isn't due to be released from the hospital yet.
  Marty: I'd object but it occurs to me that you're unkillable.

Season 2

• Athena to Ani, regarding her love life:
  "When you walk, it's like erasers clapping."
  • On a similar note, Ani's entire conversation with her father, in a somewhat Cringe Black Comedy way.
• The various fourth wall moments, including Elvis asking where Vinci is and calls BS on Velcoro's answer.
  • A similarly self-aware comment is made on a series of newspaper articles.
    "What the fuck is this? An 8-part series?"
• Velcoro explaining how his encounter to silence a snooping journalist went.
  "I asked him if he thought Stephen Hawking could type investigative journalism. [chuckles] He won't be writing anymore of those articles."
• Velcoro's confused response upon hearing the name of his son's bully.
  "Aspen? Is that a boy's name?"
• After Velcoro beats the everliving shit out of the father of his son's bully right in front of the little "asshead", his threat to the terrified kid crosses from horrifying to hilarious.
  "If you ever hurt or bully anyone again, I'll come back and buttfuck your father with your mom's headless corpse on this goddamned lawn. 12 years old my ass. Fuck. You."
• Velcoro on e-cigs: "Maybe it's too much like sucking a robot's dick."
  • And his response to Ani's comments on self-empowerment by carrying a load of knives: "Just so you know I support feminism, mostly by having body image issues."
• Ani's stink-eye upon spotting a suggestively shaped geode.
• Danny Santo's golden grill having "FUCK YOU" carved onto it.
• Velcoro admits he isn't exactly Columbo.
• Velcoro and Ani's search for the car Caspere was transported in leads to the set of a Mad Max-esque film, with the costume department getting to go nuts on its absurdity.
• Woodrugh's extremely obvious discomfort at being in a nightclub with two rather attractive male prostitutes. They notice.
• Ani's father comments to Velcoro.
  "Excuse me, you have one of the largest aura's I've ever seen."
  • And then Velcoro just nods like he would to a crazy old lady talking about her cats, completely stonefaced.
  • Regarding Velcoro's colorful aura:
    Ray: What do you think green and black means?
    Ani: I don't know. You're a mood ring?
• Ani trolling her sexual harassment course by talking about how she loves big dicks, and the other group members insisting that she be allowed to speak.
• When Frank is corrected on calling out Ernst, a Vietnamese who is actually of Chinese descent.
  Frank: Well go stand in front of a fucking tank then.
• Frank's response to being cornered by members of the Santa Muerte.
  Frank: That's one off the bucket list. A Mexican standoff with actual Mexicans.
• As tense as their standoff is, Frank telling Ray that he's going to let go of his gun is capped off by one great Black Comedy line.
  Frank: [points] Don't you fucking shoot me Raymond.
  • Also, Frank and Ray both agreeing that they would rather not have to kill the other.
    Frank: You might be one of the last friends I got left.
    Ray: [half smirking] Wouldn’t that be fucked up?
• Frank keeps getting snarkier as he falls further and further from grace.
  Frank: In the midst of getting gangbanged by forces unseen, I figured I'd drill a new orifice. Go on and fuck myself for a change.
• Ray's attempts at helping Ani as she is coming down from a pure molly high.
  Ani: I feel fucked up!
  Ray: You want me to roll you a joint?
• In the final episode, during a tense scene, Ani curtly refers to Frank as Ray's "gangster friend." Ray stops, shrugs and casually replies, "He's actually not that bad of a guy" before getting back to the tension.

Season 4

• When Danvers is making coffee at the station she sees that the creamer is on a high shelf and motions for a taller officer to get it for her, since Jodie Foster is only 5'3".
• Danvers and Navarro go to visit a geologist for information on ice caves. Navarro can't figure out why Danvers is trying to hide behind her, until the geologist's wife opens the door. The woman stops smiling and scowls when seeing Danvers:
  Navarro: (exasperated) Is there anyone in this town you haven't fucked!?
• Hank Prior accuses Danvers of playing "Mrs. Robinson" with his son Pete. Pete is mortified, but also confused, as his question indicates:
  Pete: ...Who is Mrs. Robinson?

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