- Alfred and Bruce in the Wayne Infirmary:Alfred: "If it's suicide you're after, Master Bruce...I have the recipe for an old family potion, It's slow in working, and quite painful. You'd like it."
Alfred: "You know, sir, that there is precedent for wheelchair detectives..."Bruce: "Shut up, Alfred."
- And later in the same scene.
- Alfred is The Snark Knight.Alfred: Your accountants wait in the West Wing, sir.Wayne: Tell them I'm sick.Alfred: (mumbled under his breath) Shan't have to lie. That Refugee Charity called...Wayne: Write them a check.Alfred: and the Committee for the Prevention of Obsessive Behavior in Middle-Aged Men?Wayne: Write them a check.Alfred: Very good, sir. Your sense of humor is keen as ever, sir.
- Batman takes a phone call, and obviously plans to jump back into action immediately. An exasperated Alfred is seen pulling the Batsuit out of the washing machine.Alfred: (grumbles) "He'll just have to wear it wet...."
- Batman leaves Carrie in the batcopter and specifically tells her not to touch the controls, or she's fired. She does anyway, reprogramming the voice controls to use cooler commands. Afterwards:Carrie: I'm not fired?Batman: *grins* You're not fired.
- "Property damage. Auto." (A voice command to the reprogrammed Batcopter to fire a missile at a car)
- For his final fight with Superman, Bats leaves Carrie to drive the Batmobile. When Supes rips it open, there she is, aiming her slingshot at him.Superman: Isn't this a school night?
- "Rubber bullets. Honest."
- This exchange:Plainclothes cop: "O'Halloran, ma'am, sixth precint. What've got?"Commissioner Ellen Yindel: "It's not suicide, lieutenant. The girl with him is from Kyle Escort. She's been drugged. Shut the joint down... And pick up Selina Kyle."O'Halloran: "Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am."*O'Halloran goes away*Another cop coming from another direction: "Commissioner... O'Halloran, ma'am, sixth precint."*Yindel looks at O'Halloran with jaw dropped and realizes she just talked with Batman*Yindel: "STOP THAT MAN!"
- From the animated movie, this Joker line. Doubly so if you think he was serious and wasn't joking.Wolper: He's a victim of Batman's psychotic obsession.Joker: (looks confused) ...I thought I was Batman's psychotic obsession.
- The animated movie also casts the talk show host David Endochrine (in the comic a David Letterman look-alike who told crummy jokes) with Conan O'Brien. The scene now contains so much dark, absurdly-awkward humor that you just know that Conan O'Brien had to have had a hand in re-writing it.
- During Joker's homicidal rampage at the amusement park, there's this Black Comedy Burst when Joker grabs a little boy to use him as a human shield:Kid: You're the Joker, right? Batman's gonna kick your ass!Joker: He'll have to go through you first.
Funny / Batman: The Dark Knight Returns