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Funny / Batman

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  • In an older comic, Bruce loses his fortune, almost forcing him and Dick Grayson into retirement. Alfred helps out after the fortune is lost by bringing in extra money mowing lawns. At the end, it's revealed Bruce really didn't lose anything, and Dick excitedly says this means they can go back to crimefighting. Alfred says he always expected the crimefighting would continue, but says he found the idea of supporting them in millionaire style by mowing lawns rather dismaying.
  • The infamous "The Joker's Comedy of Errors!" from 1951, revolving around boners. Y'see, back then, it meant "mistake", not an erect penis. Basically, Joker makes a boner, gets mocked, and then decides to make boners the theme of his crime for this story. Throughout the issue, the word "boner" is casually repeated. While funny in the context of 1951 since the evil scheme revolves around blunders, today, it's hysterical, with Accidental Innuendos abound.
    Commissioner Gordon: Batman! We've got to stop the Joker! Those boner crimes are making us look bad! And I'm worried about the boner he's readying for you!
  • The Comically Serious: Batman is always so serious, it is INCREDIBLY easy to make anything funny by having him do it in a dramatic manner. It's so true that the comically serious page has him as the trope image.
  • Someone had the bright idea to combine Batman with Metalocalypse. Batmetal (Link)
  • Much of the banter between Nightwing and Oracle belong either here, or under Heartwarming Moments.
  • This exchange between Dick Grayson and Jim Gordon, in Scott Snyder's Black Mirror, in which Dick is Batman:
    Dick: Call me Dick, please. You drove me to my high school prom.
    Jim: Actually, I drove my daughter to her high school prom. You just happened to be in the car.
    • And it becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when Jim hints that he knows Dick is Batman, meaning that he must have realized that his daughter had went to prom with Batman.
  • Scott Snyder's The Court of Owls arc begins with Batman breaking the Joker out of Arkham. The next few pages proceed to show Joker fighting alongside Batman as Back-to-Back Badasses, and then Joker in the cave, exclaiming that Bruce really does practice brooding. No context is given until halfway through the issue, when it's revealed that the "Joker" is actually just Dick Grayson in disguise. This exchange then follows:
    Dick: For what it's worth, how'd I do with him?
    Bruce: Are you asking me if you convincing as a homicidal maniac, Dick?
    Dick: I suppose I am.
    Bruce: Then yes, as a matter of fact, you were.
  • In the comics, the Riddler at one point went straight and hired his services out as a celebrity private detective, provoking numerous tense encounters with Batman as their paths crossed on various cases. At one point, this necessitated Batman giving the Riddler a ride in the Batmobile, prompting this exchange:
    The Riddler: So... nice car. First time I've been inside it conscious.
    Batman: Don't touch anything.
  • Batman and Robin Annual #1 was just a feel-good fun story all around, but Alfred is absolutely hilarious. Case in point, the last few lines of the comic:
    Bruce: Alfred, shouldn't you return the costume?
    Alfred: [wearing a garish Renaissance outfit] Master Bruce, kindly shut up.
    Bruce: Yes sir.
  • From Tom King's run on the series: "Kite Man! Hell yeah!"
    • King's Batman / Elmer Fudd Special really takes the cake — a taut, noir-ish crime drama, played completely deadpan despite the fact that most of the characters are humanized versions of major Looney Tunes characters. There's even running hard-boiled narration by Elmer himself, delivered in his trademark impediment.
      Sometimes the wain comes down so hawrd you fowrget you've ever been dwy.
  • Issue #28 of Batman Rebirth has this conversation between Selina and Bruce in the middle of the War of Jokes and Riddles:
    Batman: Why haven't you taken a side?
    Catwoman: I'm not like them. They're criminals.
    Batman: You're currently breaking into a safe that's not yours.
    Catwoman: You know what I mean. I'm not like them. They're unsuccessful criminals.
    Batman: Do I need to worry about you?
    Catwoman: (amused) Are you checking up on me, Bat? Are you trying to protect me?
    Batman: No. No one needs to protect you.
    Catwoman: Oh. Well then, yes. You very much have to worry about me.
    (They kiss)
    Bruce: (In the present) Afterward, I slept. When I woke, you were gone. With the diamonds.
    Selina: OK, yes. But in my defense, I did warn you. I'm not exactly unsuccessful.
  • Batman Rebirth #36 - Batman with Catwoman and Superman with Lois, are each heading to the same building, following the same case, though the two couples don't know that. On the way, Batman and Catwoman are talking about why Batman hasn't introduced her, as his fiancee, to Superman. Superman and Lois are discussing the same thing from the other angle. Then, they pop out of neighboring elevators in the same floor in full costume without having detected each other. While Superman can't understand how he managed to miss seeing Batman, while Batman is wondering why Superman used an elevator. After an awkward silence between the two heroes, Lois just reaches over, shakes Catwoman's hand and the women introduce themselves, as if the two couples had just met up at the mall.
  • Batman Rebirth #37 - Continued from #36 above, the couples go to a fair but it's "Super Hero Night" and they need to be in costume. This leads to Bruce as a sullen-looking "Superman", Clark wearing his glasses over the Batman cowl, and Lois as Catwoman (Selina just used Womanly Wiles to get in, despite borrowing Lois' dress.) Hilarity Ensues.
  • Legends of the Dark Knight #92, written by Garth Ennis of all people, is about a new super-LSD sweeping Gotham. Alfred then recounts his first, last and only experience with hallucinogens:
    Bruce: Know anything about hallucinogens, Alfred?
    Alfred: Just enough to avoid them like the plague, master Bruce.
    Bruce: Go on.
    Alfred: An alarming episode during my time at school, when Wrigglesworth Minor and "Woofter" Kilkenny joined me in consuming a soup made from certain mushrooms we'd picked on the playing fields... They turned out to be rather disorientingly hallucinogenic, and very potent in the quantity we disgested. Things were ever quite the same after that.
    Alfred: Wrigglesorth said afterwards he would never turn his back on Kilkenny again, but gave no reason. The Woofter himself could recall only a great clarity, a sensation of discovering his true calling. He was arrested in the Tottenham Court Road that same winter. As for me, I spent two hours discussing my parents with a rugby post, and then was violently ill.
    Alfred: If you're considering sampling these substances in the interest of some investigation, master Bruce... please don't.
  • Jim Gordon meets the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles;
    Gordon: (Rubbing his nose) Just close your eyes and think about retirement. Somewhere warm where the giant turtles don't talk.
  • The Batman's Grave issue #10: Wayne Manor is infiltrated by insane cannibalistic serial killer Cornelius Stirk, but Stirk is annoyed that he can't find Bruce Wayne. He decides to settle for Alfred, but wildly underestimates the old man, who manages to Quick Draw a Mauser C96 pistol and shoot Stirk. What's comedic is that Alfred, being retired Special Air Service, is a firm believer in doing the job thoroughly, so he firstly shoots Stirk in the face. Then he shoots Stirk again on the way down. When Stirk looks up at him, Alfred shoots him twice more. Alfred regards his work, walks off panel to contact Bruce, then apparently changes his mind and returns after a moment to casually shoot Stirk a fifth time despite Stirk having remained down the entire time. Alfred leans in close to observe the prone, unmoving Stirk, and seemingly satisfied, he straightens back up... and shoots him again, for six total shots at point-blank range. Luckily for Stirk, Alfred uses non-lethal rounds, but still.
    • When Bruce finally gets back, Stirk is still on the floor, surrounded by shell casingsnote , leading to a humorous exchange:
      Bruce: You KILLED him?
      Alfred: Of course not. I'd never get that out of the carpet.
    • Bruce later holds his own though.
      Alfred: Anyway, you will have to make it look like look like the Batman didn't arrive here to pick him up.
      Bruce: You're right. I should call the police and tell them there's a shot man on my floor and The Butler Did It.
    • Not to say Alfred isn't also enjoying riling up Bruce a bit for shits and giggles.
      Alfred: Sir. Young master. You wouldn't grass on faithful old Alfred to the rozzers, would you? Not Alfred.
      (cue Smash Cut to Batman dumping an unconscious Stirk on Commissioner Gordon's desk at Gotham PD.)

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