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Funny / Alphas

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  • Gary gets one in the second episode.
    Real estate agent: What do you study here?
    Dr. Rosen: Um, market research.
    Gary: It's not really market research. It's a cover story.
  • Gary seems to provide a measure of comic relief, due to sheer blitheness. From episode three, "Anger Management":
    Gary: Give me the gun, I'll shoot it.
    Bill: Gary, I'm not giving you my gun.
    Gary: Yeah, give me your - no, you're right.*beat* Give me a grenade!
    • And again in the same episode:
    *Hicks breaks a window*
    Gary (offscreen): HICKS BROKE ANOTHER ONE. That's three.
  • From "Rosetta"
    Soldier: So the big guy's strong. The John Woo guy's got aim. What do you do?
    Nina: I can fly.
    Solider: Really?
    Nina: Yeah, and laser beams shoot right out of my eyes.
    • This exchange between Bill and Hicks.
    Bill: You know what I would love to see?
    Cameron: Unicorns sliding down a rainbow?
  • While in a coffee shop, just after the team gets a new cover that includes having a badge:
    Waitress: Can I get you any more coffee?
    Gary: DCIS. You don't ask questions. We ask the questions.
    Rosen: Put the badge away.
    Gary: Respect the badge. She should respect the badge.
    • Even Bill thought it was funny.
    • Then he goes and steals the jacket of a jock who they had just taken to the hospital, just because he thinks it looks better on him. Gary is pretty much the designated comic relief by this point.
  • After a bully calls him a retard;
    Gary: I'm not retarded, I'm autistic. You're retarded.
    • Then he uses his power to see twitter posts relating to the bully.
    Gary: You have bad breath. Yeah, Cindy Wellin, she said she'd rather lick a toilet seat than kiss you. It got 47 retweets.
  • From Bill and Gary's Excellent Adventure
    Gary: [Getting handcuffed by FBI agents again] I've already been arrested today.
    • Gary's reaction to the way the FBI have been addressing him.
    Gary: Everybody's calling me Agent Bell.
    • Also, Gary's corrections to Bill's interrogation of a gangster.
    Gary: Nononono, we don't- we don't send people to jail. We send them to the compound. Unless they're dead. Sometimes they die.
    • Made even better by Bill repeatedly saying Gary's name to cut him off, but not succeeding.
  • Gary's entire interaction with the cab driver, but especially when he finally reaches his destination.
    Gary: Nina, you have to pay the cab driver. I don't have 812 dollars. And 90 cents.
  • Skylar sends Nina a new espresso machine, to make up for the one she disassembled for parts. The new machine is voice-operated and speech-capable.
    Espresso Machine: Enjoy your coffee, Nina.
    Rachel: I wonder if it can also give me dating advice.
    Gary: There's a joke. Bill told it to me. You like your coffee like you like your [Hicks tells him to say something else] Bill said women.
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  • We really should make this page a Gary Quotes page.
    [Nina gives Gary an automatic foot masseuse]'
    Gary: *giggling* My feet are so happy!
  • In "Blind Spot", Nina suddenly gets a nosebleed as an early sign of Dr. Kern using his sonic powers, and Rachel has to ask her if she's been picking it. Nina's not amused by the insinuation.
  • In "The Unusual Suspects", while Rachel is being interrogated by Clay, she hears Eric's heartbeat from where he's listening in. The two then begin trading banter, until Clay reminds them that they are still in the middle of an interrogation.
    Bill: We all know Gary doesn't lie.
    Gary: No, I do lie, I've been practicing. It's a social skill. Like the other day when I said I was gonna have a pudding pop, I was lying 'cause I don't like pudding pops. ... That was a lie, I do like pudding pops. I just knew we didn't have any.
  • Rachel, the Shrinking Violet, berates Cameron in "Original Sin":
    Rachel: I'm not the one who flew in there like Jackie Chan and blew our cover.
    • Or this gem, when Gary phones his Mother and is trying to convince her not to worry.
      Gary: Mom, please, don't cry. Listen, Bill's gonna protect me. He's my partner, he—he's very strong. One time he pushed me over, which was better than taking a bullet. [beat] I said don't cry!
    • Really, pick any episode and Gary will have all the best lines. Guaranteed.
      Bill: I'm fine. The doctor, uh, said that infarction actually normalized me.
      Gary: Infar...
      Bill: Yeah, so... no more overdrive, no more underdrive. I'm optimal. So the rest was only precautionary.
      Gary: Bill.
      Bill: Yeah.
      Gary: Infarction. Come on.
      Bill: Gary, not now. Listen.
      Gary: Fart.
      Bill: Listen, we've got to focus.
      Gary: I'm being immature.
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  • Gary's still got it as of Season 2, Episode 2. From his pudding, slamming the door after saying he's going to, his naive assumptions about Dani and Hicks' "breakfast" to his responses to Hicks' defensiveness, nearly every line he gets in is absolutely hilarious.
  • Bill provides his opinion on Hicks' sex life:
    Smoking hot sex can never be wrong.
  • In Season 2
    Rachel: There's saliva mixed with the acid.
    Hick: Someone spit acid at his face?
    Gary: Like a cobra. Like a spitting cobra. I like that. But he didn't like that... because it melted his face.
  • No one wants to see your fruit, Gary.
  • Hicks and Bill discussing horror movie cliches while on a classic horror-movie-esque situation (abandoned hospital with flickering lights), "White chick is always screaming?" "No, try again" "Black dude dies first?" "Yep." "Not likely."
  • Skylar (Summer Glau) tries her hand at deadpan snarkery: "You should see a shrink about those trust issues." (She's talking to Rosen.)
  • From "When Push Comes To Shove":
    Bill: "One good memory is worth all the bad ones. Like the time I kicked your ass. Remember that?"
    Kat: Yeah, that's not a memory. It's made up. It's head trauma.
  • Gary on bees: "They have evil intent!"
  • Gary's glee as "Saving the world"(More accurately, saving most of Manhattan) during "The Devil Will Drag You Under"/
  • Kat, Hicks and Mitchell on a road trip. It's priceless.
    Mitchell: If you want to talk about sex, I was in the Phili—
    Hicks: If you don't shut the Hell up I swear to God I'll crash this car and kill us all.
    • Also, Hicks attempting to make cultural references, only for Kat to repeatedly miss them.
  • From "Need To Know":
    Gary: Bill, I've figured it out!
    Kat: Good for you.
    Gary: Thank you. *Beat* No, sarcasm.
  • In God's Eye, Hicks stumbles on the team building a machine.
    Hicks (notices something being dismantled): ...Is that my laptop..?
    Skylar: It died a hero's death! NOW LEAVE.
  • Again, in God's Eye, after Skylar's machine shuts off the power grid in New York, Skylar, Rachel and Kat are on the roof. Kat forgives Rachel (for ratting on Rosen and the others kidnapping Scipio) and tells her,
    Kat: You did it.
    Rachel: We did it.
    Skylar: Actually, I did it. I did most of the job. *Beat* But, whatever. Yay, team.


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