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Film / Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special

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There were a lot of very surprised Netflix users on the morning this was released.
Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special is a Netflix variety special starring Michael Bolton. It was created by Scott Aukerman of Comedy Bang! Bang! fame, and released on February 7th, 2017.

When Santa Claus's elves accidentally make too many toys, Santa charges Michael Bolton with creating a Valentine's Day special to encourage couples to copulate so there will be enough babies to play with them by Christmas.

Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special contains examples of:

  • Adam Westing: Michael Bolton plays himself, but weirder.
  • Bait-and-Switch: The mattress salesman sees a spare guard uniform and declares he's found a way into the studio. He throws the uniform at the guards to distract them.
  • Big Fancy House: Michael's Love Nest was designed by clinically insane Swedish architects to encourage optimal lovemaking.
  • Big "NO!": When he gets a series of horrifying texts from his girl, he unleashes two of these.
  • Crazy-Prepared: Michael's dance instructor teaches him a special routine in case a group of punks burst in on the special and call him lame. It happens.
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  • Darkest Hour: Near the end of the special, Michael's relationship is on the rocks, the baby-making has stalled out, and Santa is shot dead.
  • Interesting Situation Duel: Michael duels Kenny G's sax with vocals. They're singing/playing Dueling Banjos.
  • Only Sane Man: Michael is odd, but most of the guests are much odder.
  • Poor Communication Kills: Michael's girlfriend texts him, saying there's a new man in her life. She means she's pregnant with his son.
  • Rearrange the Song: Does a ballad version of the famous "Jack Sparrow." Which you can also find on his subsequently released album, Songs of Cinema!
  • Sad-Times Montage: Naturally, set to Michael's own "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You." Unfortunately, this completely ruins a segment with a very flummoxed Casey Wilson.
    • This actually parodies Michael's "Said I Loved You... But I Lied" video with the excessive overlays of horses, deserts and eagles.
    Michael (sobbing over a Final Cut Pro session): I need more pictures of horses!!
  • Surreal Humor: You can tell The Lonely Island had a big hand in this.
  • Stylistic Suck: The Dancing Cupids in The Stinger.
    Michael: So fuckin' good.
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  • Tempting Fate: Santa tells Michael to sing "Nessun dorma", but Michael points out that every time it's played in TV or movies, someone is assassinated. Santa says This Is Reality.
  • That Poor Cat: When Michael tosses a gun offscreen. Kenny G objects to how Michael just blatantly killed a cat, but Michael refuses to admit it.
  • The Power of Rock: Namely, the power of big, sexy ballads to make babies.
  • Transformation Sequence: At the time it's needed the most, Michael Bolton transforms into Peak 90s Bolton. Complete with golden mullet and denim shirt.
  • Trigger Happy: When Santa arrives to give ol' Boltron his mission, Michael naturally assumes he needs to kill someone and immediately cocks a gun.
    • And then later, when he meets Kenny G:
    Kenny G: You betrayed your true nature, and for that, I shall destroy you!!!
    Michael: Fine. [cocks gun] Let's do this.
    Kenny G: Whoa! Chill! I meant with music, man; what is it with you and guns?
  • Truck Driver's Gear Change: Parodied to hell and back thanks to Maya Rudolph, who does a couple dozen of these in one two-minute song.
  • Your Mind Makes It Real: Michael tries out a virtual reality sex simulation, and gets into a virtual fight with the doctor who created it. The punches still hurt.

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