- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": He doesn't have a real name, and is solely known as the French Narrator.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: His French accent and the fact that he's narrating a show about anthropomorphic sea creatures are intended to be a reference to Jacques Cousteau.
- The Voice: He usually exists as a disembodied voice, but he appears physically for the first time in "Feral Friends", where he is shown wearing a diving suit with a toque on the helmet.
Patchy the Pirate
The president of SpongeBob's fan club.
- The Bus Came Back: He appears in "Feral Friends" after years of absence.
- Butt-Monkey: He gets a lot of misfortunes in the segments featuring him.
- The Chew Toy: If something bad happens during his segments, it's usually him it'll happen to.
- Dressed to Plunder: Wears the typical parts of a pirate costume, though he doesn't really do any actual plundering.
- Excited Kids' Show Host: Especially since he's played by Tom Kenny.
- Fanboy: He's the president of the SpongeBob fan club.
- Lethal Chef: When he was working as a fry cook so he can be like SpongeBob, he made burgers that make the customers and himself sick. Not only that, he's unsanitary; he kept burger meat in an old boot, allowed rats in the kitchen, didn't wash his hands after using the toilet and didn't wear a hair net.
- Manchild: He's a fully-grown man who's more obsessed with SpongeBob than most of the kids watching the show could ever be.
- The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Despite being a pirate, we never see him doing any actual looting or plundering.
- Pirate Parrot: Has an obnoxious parrot on his shoulder named Potty.
- Straw Loser: He's an immature fanboy who has no life outside of SpongeBob. Nothing ever goes right for him, and Potty only seems to hang around him to make wisecracks at his expense. Even the narrator calls him a loser at the end of The Lost Episode.
- Talk Like a Pirate: The accent and outfit go along well with it.
- Token Human: Notably the only recurring character who is live action.
Potty the Parrot
- Bratty Half-Pint: He's an obnoxious parrot that messes with Patchy's show.
- Hypercompetent Sidekick: Although everyone's hypercompetent compared to Patchy.
- Polly Wants a Microphone: Like most parrots in fiction, he's able to speak instead of just mimicking what other people say in front of him.
- Small, Annoying Creature: Patchy is constantly annoyed by him.
- Stylistic Suck: He looks like a cheap puppet that's falling apart (and his strings are always visible). His facial expressions never really change (although you can tell when he's annoyed by his voice).
- With Friends Like These...: He's an annoying Deadpan Snarker who loves irritating Patchy...and yet, he seems to be Patchy's only friend.
Painty the Pirate
The painting of a pirate captain who appears in the show's opening.