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Characters / Oglaf

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Recurring characters

These include (but aren't limited to):

  • Mistress: A cruel dictator, with some very serious magical powers, usually busy either ruling her nation (which mostly consists of appeasing allies and receiving tributes from neighbors) or finding new ways to torture her slaves. When she's not doing either, she torments Ivan for giggles.
  • Ivan: Mistress' sorcery apprentice and the ostensible protagonist. Not allowed to have sex (or even wank) under castle regulations. To make sure he doesn't get distracted from that rule, Mistress cursed him with walking, talking semen. As of 5/22/11, in a magical sleep.
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  • Sandoval: The Ambassador of Xoan. Staying with Mistress as a political guest (and apparently one she wants to please), he sexually harasses Ivan whenever he's bored. He also seems to be sexually attracted to food, especially desserts.
  • Cumsprites: Ivan's walking, talking (or more accurately, running and yelling) semen, which runs to Mistress and tattles whenever released, regardless of how it happened.
  • Greir: An ultra-serious female adventurer who serves as something of an Only Sane Man to the rest of the cast. Having not been named in-comic, she's also known as the Lesbian Mercenary. She's considered "impervious to fun," although she does enjoy victory.
  • Navaan: A female vampire. She captures Ivan in Vanorva with the intent to kill him, but soon finds him useful for... other things. Later escaped Vanorva and set herself up as a "doctor," despite having no idea what that is.
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  • Oglaf: A farm boy. The Chosen One, although chosen for what, we're not sure. Also, despite being the title character he has only appered in a grand total of 4 comics with over 8 years between the second and third. Despite this the authors have stated that Oglaf will be important down the line... much, much down the line.
  • Ponce de Leon & assistant: Two adventurers in search of the Fountain of Youth. They haven't been seen since the Fountain of Girl incident.
  • The Snow Queen: The personification of Winter. Satisfying her is necessary for Winter to end and for Spring to start. Greir gladly takes up the challenge.
  • Kronar, Son of Man: A mighty barbarian warrior with rigid, unfailing honor. His tribe is made up of men who breed with one another.
  • Vanka: A female thief. She's exceptionally clever, light-fingered and voluptuous, and has no qualms about using her sexuality to get her way.
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  • The Dwarves: Three little men with bad teeth, limited fukken epic vocabularies, and lunatic enthusiasm for creating bizarre and fukken awesome magical items.
  • Morag the Immortal: A female religious warrior who, true to her name, is immortal. She will fight for any religion, and loses her entire body save for the head doing so.
  • Thessaly and Tristram: A pair of princes who are the sons of a mad king and lament having to satisfy his absurd whims. Their world runs on fairy tale logic, so Wide-Eyed Idealist Tristam tends to come out ahead, much to the disgust of his sane-but-sardonic brother.
  • The talking fox: A tricky and sometimes helpful fox with a wall-eyed stare and perpetual grin.
  • Mistertique: A masked super-hero like character who represents the masculine mystique. Enjoys setting women up to want to have sex with him, then leaving before doing the deed.
  • Blonde girl with the hat: A yet-unnamed character who enjoys teasing others. She appears to be part of Vanka's crew, as she was incarcerated with her and they enjoyed a spirited rapport.
  • Wish Dolly: A talking doll with the ability to grant wishes. Jackass Genie extraordinaire.
  • The King from Skulls!: A warrior king, prone to shouting and abusing his men to satisfy capricious whims. A recurring Court Mage has appeared with him
  • The King from A Very Deep Chasm: A levelheaded, standard-issue king and longtime member of the Heir Club for Men, usually seen giving (brief) audience to hucksters. He has appeared with a recurring courtier who's obsessed with labyrinths and offers to build one at the slightest provocation.
  • The Curse Spectre: A skeletal apparition who uses his "curses" to make people's lives miserable. First seen in a crypt on the watch for adventurers who'd attempt to defile it, he has since gone on to a number of other ventures that allow him to reach (and annoy) more people such as running a curse emporium, installing himself as town mayor, or distributing fake spells via chain mail.
  • King Blowjob: 'Cursed' to be the best at blowjobs (or literally Blessed With Suck?), he now rules over a 'peaceful fellatiocracy'.
  • Followers of Sithrak : Disciples of Sithrak who go around preaching his word, though they usually succeed in making asses of themselves.
  • Sithrak : An allegedly wrathful god that, at least according to his disciples, will torture everyone when they die, regardless of moral standing. Turns out that he was an angsty teen when he wrote that part, and no longer feels compelled to do such.
  • God : A parody of God (playing with stories in the Genesis and the Old Testament, and he might actually be the God of Reverse Psychology even though for a different color scheme). Actually gets blackmailed once in granting victory to a warring side when they threaten him with gay sex, and starting a slug stud farm, and caused the Genesis' flood by leaving on vacation with the water on, trying to pass it as a Secret Test of Character.
  • The Devil: A parody of Satan, who is actually on good enough terms with God to pat him on the shoulder when he messed up in the aforementioned flooding episode, telling him to tune down his anger and retaliation by plague. In a more recent issue, when someone is sent to Hell after being chastised for the sin of sloth, and still being unrepentant, he actually tries to give in a good word for the man upstairs.
  • Dominatrix : A large and muscular dominatrix with a knack for using Sophisticated as Hell vocabulary, failing to get her point across when looking for a partner, and getting aroused to climax by refusal. Also an adept of Insane Troll Logic/Never My Fault, when losing a coin toss after betting "heads", she ends up beating her fist down repeatedly, and soon into a pulp until "it becomes tails", proudly stating that "never being wrong is the secret of being right".


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