Covers beings to whom the Morgue is home.
Even though Dr. Balmer is the one in charge of the Morgue, most information pertaining to him has been moved to Inert Sub-Concept Vessel MG-0908-BN/SK/HL-3900438093990, because that's where he was first and most frequently encountered, in-story.
- Stone Slab: I dunno, the stiffs all look alike to us anyway. ...Like a paycheck! Haha!!
A cracked tombstone who looks after The Morgue. Hes one of the friendlier and more forthcoming individuals Fern meets, and is happy to put on some music and have a chat.
- Bizarre Alien Locomotion: He floats somehow, manifests an arm when he needs it, and is weirded out by the concept of legs.
- Blue-and-Orange Morality: As usual for the Hospital. His views of life and death are a bit off:Stone Slab: A bodys just a bunch of different stuff in one place, legs. All that changes is which parts eat and which parts get eaten.
- Does This Remind You of Anything?: A certain retro video game produced by Namco, perchance?
- Forgetful Jones: According to him, at least.
- Gallows Humor: As his quote shows. It probably comes easily when you don't have a neck or a concept of death.
- Go Through Me: To the "Revourer".
- Helpful Mook: Hes there to do his job and doesnt much care to ask questions.Stone Slab: Stick to what you think is normal and youll be fine. For me, the Morgue is normal. We all belong to our own respective Class 9 autoperceptual omnimaterial repeating concept spirals...
- McJob: He gets one of these after The Morgue has a merger with Burgrr, Inc.
- The Little Shop That Wasn't There Yesterday: The first time Fern peeks inside the locked morgue's window, she sees a fairly conventional-looking morgue. By the time she returns with the morgue key, that room has been inexplicably replaced by Stone Slab's elevator.
- Nice Hat: A bellhop's hat.
- Rock Monster: A very non-monstrous version.