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Blog / The Setup Wizard

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"Hello, my name is Jonathan Dart and, as of today, I am officially the IT guy at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry."

Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry has always had a strong anti-technology field preventing any form of Muggle electronics working on its grounds. That is until students begin demanding the ability to use their phones and the internet. With no other choice, the school hires a Muggle IT support professional to help solve the problems that arise from trying to mix technology and magic.

The series is published on Tumblr as the daily trials and difficulties of Jonathan Dart, the "IT guy," and later Emily Vargo the "IT witch." Supporting characters include Billy B. Broadview, a student at Hogwarts with some talent in Muggle technology, Jessica Faux, a Metamorphmagus and John's childhood friend, Eduade Despard, a bigoted Pureblood IT specialist at Durmstrang, and Adalina Casato, a Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Officer and Emily's girlfriend. It can be found here.


The Setup Wizard provides examples of:

  • The Alleged Car: Jonathan's Saturn Ion, which he left in the US when he took on the Hogwarts job. He wonders if it'd manage to be any better if someone enchanted it to fly.
    • On the magical front, Emily says the Twigger 90 broom is this, liable to falling apart while flying at speed.
  • Awesome, but Impractical: Being a metamorph has its perks, but not when one has to remember which face was used for the ID they use to show that they're of legal age when buying liquor.
  • Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: David Bowie was a wizard. Emily named her owl after him.
  • Bigger on the Inside: Upon learning there is magic that can make this, Johnathon immediately requests the materials to build his own TARDIS-shaped clubhouse.
  • Catchphrase: Emily likes mentioning the Hogwarts "internal technology train. Choo choo."
  • Computer = Monitor: One of the Hogwarts professors makes this mistake when Emily advises him/her to reboot, to Emily's exasperation, turning the monitor on and off to no avail.
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  • Deadpan Snarker: The Sorting Hat, as always. When Emily snuck into the Headmaster's office and tried it on to see what House she would have belonged in if she went to Hogwarts, it just said "IT department."
    Emily: Cheeky bastard.
  • Felony Misdemeanor: When Jessica was in school, she once gave someone detention while disguised as a teacher for not knowing who Billie Joe Armstrong was.
  • Fish out of Water: John. He was (and is) a complete Muggle before he took the IT job and he's Locked Out of the Loop on pretty much everything magical... including most of what happened in the source material. When Real Time catches up the 'Nineteen Years Later' epilogue and the Power Trio's kids arrive in a flurry of fanfare and whispered rumors, John has barely any idea who they are and doesn't really care.
  • Handwave: People pointed out that with Hogwarts' anti-tech field, computers don't work on the grounds. Jonathan just says that's because they never had an IT guy before.
  • High School Hustler: Billy. His attempts at popularity and profit are usually legit, but he's not above trying to con his way into getting the credit card or bank account information of others. That said, when Despard hacks the blog, he hacks it right back to give him what for.
  • Hot Skitty-on-Wailord Action: Alluded to in the post discussing how tablets are very convenient for half-giants as opposed to phones. The post is tagged #notthinkingofthelogisticsoftheirbirth.
  • The Password Is Always "Swordfish": Jonathan mentions that the Headmaster never bothered to remember a login or password because it was assumed that alohomora would be able to unlock it. It doesn't. Then Jonathan had to explain that alohomora cannot be used as a password, if only because half the rest of the school is already using it.
  • Porn Stash: A Pureblood student spouts racism at Jonathan. Jonathan threatens to forward said student's search history to his father.
  • Rule of Cool:
    • Jonathan tells the teachers that the moving staircases are impractical and inefficient, but they insist they're an important part of the aesthetic. Jonathan is pretty sure they just don't know how to turn them off.
    • Jonathan is bewildered at Emily's hourglass that never empties, pointing out that it defies the only point of an hourglass. Emily admits it's a stupid novelty item from the Weasleys'.
  • The Stoner: When Hufflepuff House is allowed to select the name for the wireless network they go with Huff, Huff, Pass. Fortunately, the rest of the Hogwarts' staff are too out of touch to get it.
  • Team Pet: The IT Department has several: a pig called Mr. Snoots who was served to Jonathan after he complained about the food, one of the flying keys from Harry Potter And The Philosophers Stone and a rogue snitch.


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