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It's certainly better, although a bit overly wordy. I'd trim off the opening sentence and just get to the point: people think he's goofy, then he pulls off that massive gambit.

Will do, thank you fighteer.

Here is another short one for How to Get Away with Murder:

• Beard of Evil: Inverted. Frank shaving off his beard at the start of Season Three cerements the darker path he has begun sheading more charismatic cheerful shell, to reveal his inner demons. This ends up leading to him committing several murders throughout the season, and coming dangerously close to killing himself.

edited 11th Sep '17 2:52:11 PM by MGD107

@Azura Blu 22 (from p. 161)

• It make senses why -> The reason why
• (they) has to leave -> (they) have to leave
• waiting for two weeks to depart -> waiting for two weeks to depart
• is because his encounter with the Revisionists, he realize it's not safety ->
  • is that because of his encounter with the Revisionists, he realizes that it's not safe
• left early since the Revisionists had already burn down ->
  • left early, since the Revisionists had already burned down
• If he haven't left -> If he hadn't left
• In "Iron Law" , -> In "Iron Law",
• the scene where the Satsuma's residence is burn down caused by the Reivionists,
  • the scene where the Satsuma's residence is burned down (caused by the Revisionists)
• episode of "Fate/Zero" since the main -> episode of Fate Zero in which the main
• only managed to rescue...a while Horikawa can -> only manages to rescue...while Horikawa can
• no matter many times he tried to wipe away his tears. ->
  • no matter how many times he tries to wipe away his tears.

edited 12th Sep '17 6:31:28 AM by Arivne

@MGD 107 (p. 161)

• to one up Scrooge; hides a surprisingly cunning and resourceful mind, and
  • to one up Scrooge hide a surprisingly cunning and resourceful mind and

@MGD 107

• Frank shaving off his beard at the start of Season Three cerements ->
  • Frank shaving off his beard at the start of Season Three cements (?)
• has begun sheading more charismatic cheerful shell, to reveal his inner demons.
  • has begun, shedding his more charismatic, cheerful shell to reveal his inner demons.

Thank you Arivne.

Okay, now I've got a longer one for American Gods (2017)

For Laura

• Troubling Unchildlike Behaviour: She admits that as a child when she confessed to her priest she didn’t know how to pray, and he told her to pray for her family she started praying that they would all die.

For Mad Sweeny

• Made of Iron: The amount of punishment that Mad Sweeny can shrug off is honestly incredible. He more or less walks off being beaten senseless by Laura several times and has survived two separate car crashes, the most only managing to knock him unconscious for a short while. Justified, as he’s not human.

For Zorya’s

• Bad Liar: Despite what Zorya Vechernyaya claims, she shows no finesse with lying after reading Shadow's fortune. Though it’s implied his future is so horrible that it caught her off guard.

• Cool Old Lady: Zorya Vechernyaya is clearly quite old, even by the standards of the old gods, however she still quite friendly managing to strike a repertoire with Shadow, and enjoying Wednesdays attempts to seduce her.

• The Quiet One: Unlike her sisters, Zorya Utrennyaya never actually says anything throughout her appearance, communicating entirely with expressions and body language.

• Riches to Rags: Not quite Rags, as they get by and a have a large enough home for all of them, but even compared to the other Old gods the Zorya’s have fallen pretty far having once been the daughters of their head god, and guardians of the morning, evening and night respectively, worshiped and attended to by hundreds of willing followers. Wednesday manages to tempt Zoyra Vechernyaya to his cause, by reminding her of her glory days and offering to bring them back.

• Self-Deprecation: Zorya Vechernyaya openly admits she is not a good cook, as when she was young she had hundreds of servants who did it all for her, and now she’s simply too old and set in her ways to learn.

For Nancy

• Large Ham: Generally used to compliment his stories, but going with his overall personality Nancy has a flair for the dramatic, verbally and visually; even conjuring up a spotlight and music to add to the interest before starting one of his stories.

For Mr Jacquel

• Nice Guy: Jacquel is quite kind and gentle with the souls he shepherds, such as softly explaining to one woman she had died, allowing her to make her corpse more presentable for her family to find, and even complimenting her cooking before leaving. While he does get angrily with Laura’s disrespect and attempts to escape her fate, when they meet again he gently tends to her decaying body and encourages her to take better care as it won’t heal anymore.

For Vulcan

• Ultimate Blacksmith: Despite reinventing himself as god of guns, its clear Vulcan has lost none of his skills as a smith expertly crafting Wednesday a glorious Cool Sword capable of killing gods. The same one Wednesday kills him with.

For Techno Boy

• Bullying the Dragon: Despite being afraid of Mr World, and knowing he’s at the bottom of the new gods pecking order. He’s simply too arrogant and aggressive to be unable to voice his disbelief that his superiors want to negotiate with Wednesday, or that Mr World is willing to let him live after he turns down his offer. This eventually leads to Media knocking his teeth out for being disrespectful.

edited 14th Sep '17 2:40:58 AM by MGD107

• She admits that as a child when -> She admits that as a child, when
• and he told her to pray for her family she -> and when he told her to pray for her family, she
• the most only managing -> at most only managing
• Though it’s implied his future (sentence fragment) -> However, it’s implied his future
• of the old gods, however she still quite friendly managing ->
  • of the old gods. However, she still quite friendly, managing
• to strike a repertoire with Shadow -> to strike up a rapport with Shadow
• enjoying Wednesdays attempts -> enjoying Wednesday's attempts
• and a have a large -> and a have a large
• the Zorya’s have fallen pretty far having -> the Zoryas have fallen pretty far, having
• daughters of their head god, and -> daughters of their head god and
• to his cause, by reminding -> to his cause by reminding

When you have a really long sentence with a lot of commas, it's very likely that you're trying to cram too much into the sentence. You should definitely check to see if you can break it up.

Think of the readers!

• Generally used to compliment his stories -> Generally used to complement his stories
• its clear Vulcan has lost none of his skills as a smith expertly ->
  • it's clear Vulcan has lost none of his skills as a smith, expertly
• capable of killing gods. The same one -> capable of killing gods: the same one
• new gods pecking order. -> new gods' pecking order.

edited 14th Sep '17 8:04:01 AM by Arivne

Thank you Arivne.

I'll add a Developer's Foresight entry in the Live-Action Television section:

I also spell check it to make sure there are no spelling mistakes.

• features Bibidebi whose task...in case they were defeated. ->
  • features Bibidebi, whose task...in case they are defeated.
• In a situation where the monsters were completely destroyed, ->
  • In a situation where the monsters are completely destroyed,

^ Please read How to Write an Example - Write in Historical Present Tense

• and blow smoke to revive and enlarge them -> and blows smoke to revive and enlarge them
• I also spell check it to make sure there are no spelling mistakes. ->
  • I will also spell check it to make sure there are no spelling mistakes.

edited 17th Sep '17 4:46:50 AM by Arivne

Okay I have a few additions for The Orville:

For Mercer

• Birds of a Feather: Shares a sense of humour and a snarky outlook in life with Kelly.

For Grayson

• Birds of a Feather: While their divorced; it’s clear that Kelly shares Ed’s sense of humour and tendency to snark.

For Bortus

• Consummate Professional: While the rest of the crew is perfectly capable officers, Bortus is the most professional member of the crew, such as being the only one to suggest that eavesdropping upon Ed and Kelly’s private conversation relating to their marriage breaking down is inappropriate.

• The Stoic: Is definitely not the emotional type, his voice almost never changes volume. Even when his child hatches and he discovers it’s a female he only shows the barest reaction.

For Doctor Claire

• The Medic: Being the ships chief medical officer, while she has a staff of doctors under her, she always personally treats the crew or others when they are injured.

• The Obi-Wan: Outright name drops the original, whilst giving important advice on being in command to Alara in “Command Performance”.

For Malloy

• Undying Loyalty: Towards Ed, being his best friend. It is him who voices the loudest protest when ordered to abandon him in “Command Performance.”

For La Marr

• Ace Pilot: While less so than Malloy, he’s still a level nine pilot.

• Skewed Priorities: His main concern upon getting a new captain is to ensure that he will allow him to continue drinking milkshakes upon the bridge.

For Alara

• The Big Guy: Being Chief of security and possessing super human strength, Alara is in charge of protecting the crew and ship from attacks.

• Ensign Newbie: Alara is the youngest offer on board the Orville, and admits to have been fast tracked through the ranks due to her species rarely joining the military. As such while intelligent and skilled, she has no experience being an officer at the start of the series. This leads to several problems when left in command of the ship in “Command Performance”.

• Glacier Waif: Alara’s small statue and slim body disguises the fact she is inhumanly strong, capable of casually breaking solid stone and mental.

• In a Single Bound: Due to growing up on a world with a much higher gravity, Alara is capable of jumping incredible heights and lengths with ease.

• Super-Strength: Because of her planets higher gravity, Alara is incredibly strong. She can effortless rips apart solid steal, reduces a table to rubble and casually knocks a reinforced steel door (as well as a large portion of the wall around it) down just by running into it.

• Waif-Fu: Alara is a short and dainty woman. However, she is still incredibly strong and is the most physically capable member of the entire crew. Justified, as she is from a world with a much higher than average gravity.

For Isaac

• Condescending Compassion: While always polite and seeming respectful, it is clear Isaac shares his species sentiment that biological life forms are inferior. He quite openly admits to have accepted the position aboard the Orville so that could study them.

• The Smart Guy: Coming from a race that possesses higher technology than the majority, Isaac is the ships science office and incredibly intelligent. He manages to reverse engineering another higher tech species technology, from debris left behind when it explodes and them implementing its technology into the Orville in the span of a few days.

edited 18th Sep '17 9:56:08 AM by MGD107

For Big

• Misblamed: For a time, in Italy, this movie was considered an unofficial remake of "Da Grande" (an italian movie with a very similar plot, aired a year before "Big"). Instead, it is just a coincidence and the Overnight Age-Up theme was already used in 50s american movies.

I've got a problem I'm not sure how to explain. Apparently, my writing style is so... strange... that native English speakers can barely read it. (Sorry, Fighteer. I should have known you would know by your existing posts.)

The few people I've shown it to in person somehow get it. I haven't been able to collaborate with local writers recently (same issue as here, but with other problems as well). It means I haven't been able to get good feedback.

I don't even know if this post is more coherent than normal, or if it's screwed up like all the things I've done recently.

Help, please?

@MGD 107

• While their divorced; it’s clear -> While they're divorced, it’s clear
• rest of the crew is perfectly capable officers -> rest of the crew are perfectly capable officers

Time for one of my trademarked "that's a really long sentence" corrections.

• and he discovers it’s a female he only -> and he discovers it’s a female, he only
• Being the ships chief medical officer -> Being the ship's chief medical officer
• It is him who voices -> It is he who voices
• Alara is the youngest offer -> Alara is the youngest officer
• and admits to have been fast tracked -> and admits to having been fast tracked
• As such while intelligent and skilled, -> As such, while intelligent and skilled,
• Alara’s small statue and slim body -> Alara’s small, statuesque and slim body (?)
• casually breaking solid stone and mental. -> casually breaking solid stone and metal.
• Because of her planets higher gravity -> Because of her planet's higher gravity
• effortless rips apart solid steal, reduces -> effortlessly rip apart solid steel, reduce
• knocks a reinforced steel door...down -> knock down a reinforced steel door...down
• Isaac shares his species sentiment -> Isaac shares his species's sentiment
• so that could study them. -> so that he could study them.
• Isaac is the ships science office -> Isaac is the ship's science officer
• He manages to reverse engineering another higher tech species technology, from debris ->
  • He manages to reverse engineer another higher tech species's technology from debris
• and them implementing -> and then implementing

edited 19th Sep '17 6:00:42 AM by Arivne

@Robbyn

• an italian movie -> an Italian movie
• Instead, it is just a coincidence -> It was actually just a coincidence,
• and the Overnight Age-Up theme was already used in 50s american movies. ->
  • as the Overnight Age-Up theme had already been used in 1950s American movies.

Katsugeki/Touken Ranbu: Tearjerker

• Izuminokami couldn't bring himself to strike Horikawa down and let him get away with his plans to prevent his former master, Hijikata's demise. It implies he doesn't want to lose someone important to him again.

• At the beginning of the episode, after the young girl regain conscious, she wonders where's her mom went without realizing she's the only who survived the fire. Although Horikawa is willing to help her to search for her mom, but there's a chance that her mom might not be alive.

• Fridge Horror: At the end of "Battle of Hakodate", since Tennosuke doesn't appear in this episode, but instead is Horikawa. It's possible that Horikawa must have dispose of him in order to become closer to former master, Hijikata.

edited 20th Sep '17 9:01:37 AM by AzuraBlu22

Thank you Arivne (honestly some of those mistakes though, I really should do better).

Ah, I see now. Okay, so... Let's start with Cool School, the one Trope I actually got through; others have said it needs improvement - if it hasn't been improved by someone who knew better - and I need to know the right way to do that.

I'm not sure if I'm unbanned from editing, but I've been told to learn how to edit before actually doing so again. Right now my only goal is to figure out how I screwed up before and avoid that. I'll wait until I understand before acting on it.

At this point, my wordyness and inability to see my mistakes is so bad that the whole thing should be looked over. Help?

edited 19th Sep '17 1:21:37 PM by SimYouLater

@Azura Blu 22

• couldn't bring himself to break Horikawa -> ???

Break him how? Emotionally? Snap him like a twig?

• prevent his former master, Hijikata's demise. -> prevent the demise of his former master Hijikata.
• after the young girl regain conscious -> after the young girl regains consciousness
• she wonders where's her mom went -> she wonders where her mom went
• willing to help her to search for her mom -> willing to help her to search for her mom
• but there's a chance -> but there's a chance
• since Tennosuke doesn't appear in this episode, but instead is Horikawa.
  • since Tennosuke doesn't appear in this episode, but instead has been replaced by Horikawa.
• It's possible that Horikawa must have dispose of him ->
  • It's possible that Horikawa must have disposed of him
• closer to former master, Hijikata. -> closer to his former master, Hijikata.

edited 20th Sep '17 3:35:41 AM by Arivne

Thank you Arivne for correcting my grammars, and you don't have worried about the first sentence I got it cover.

Katsugeki Touken Ranbu: Nightmare Fuel

• In "Battle of Hakodate", the Saniwa's body begun to disappear due to reaching their limit for staying in the past for too long. If they haven't made it back in time, they would cease to exist.
• After the Saniwa revealed how many Revisionists will appear to the remaining Second Unit, this is one of unavoidable situations that both units will be facing in the final battle, not even the First Unit has never faced this many before. There's a chance that one of them won't make it out alive after the final battle.

• Izuminokami and Konnosuke's reaction after Mutsunokami tacking and hugging the Saniwa since they were unexpected him to embraced their master in the middle of a serious conversation.

• you don't have worried about the first sentence I got it cover. ->
  • you don't have to worry about the first sentence, I've got it covered.

• the Saniwa's body begun to disappear -> the Saniwa's body begins to disappear
• If they haven't made it back in time, they would cease to exist. ->
  • If they don't make it back in time, they will cease to exist.
• After the Saniwa revealed -> After the Saniwa reveals

^ ^^ ^^^ Remember, How to Write an Example - Write in Historical Present Tense

• this is one of unavoidable situations -> this is one of the unavoidable situations
• , not even the First Unit -> , as not even the First Unit
• There's a chance that one of them won't make it out alive after the final battle.

A chance of losing one person in a battle isn't really Nightmare Fuel. Did you mean to say:

• There's a chance that none of them will make it out alive after the final battle.

• Mutsunokami tacking and hugging the Saniwa since-> Mutsunokami tackles and hugs the Saniwa, since
• they were unexpected him to embraced their master -> they didn't expect him to embrace their master

edited 22nd Sep '17 8:18:38 AM by Arivne

edited 21st Sep '17 2:09:27 PM by Jhimmibhob

...I feel like I'm being ignored. What now?

I think you'd do best to post some of the edits you want to make. Without concrete examples, it's tough to advise you.