WMG / Homestuck Jossed Three

    open/close all folders 

     Combined Session 

The Trolls will be able to repopulate despite the death of the Matriorb because...
  • The post-Scratch version of Jade/Jake's island has been shown to have Lusi Naturae, (I mean, FRIGHTENING FAUNA), which could theoretically include a Mother Grub.
    • Any Mother Grub that isn't tended by trolls tends to die when alone, such as Kanaya's demonstrated, thus Jossed.

The five surviving Trolls will be the new session's Exiles
This makes sense because in the other Sessions there were five Exiles. Plus, the Trolls are effectively the only ones left alive from their universe.
  • Plus, there appear to be gray hands in this page.
  • Besides, how else would the main characters react with the Post-Scratch session?
    • By going to the session like they outright said they would. She mentions multiple parents... hmmm...
    • Second theory is jossed. It's a new troll entirely, UU.
      • No it isn't; Exile terminals don't work that way.
  • Jossed: Only 4 Trolls go to the Alpha Session, and Kanaya is attempting to murder Gamzee.

Trolls, or at least some kind of alien, exist in the post-Scratch universe
Besides the implications that Betty Crocker is the Troll Empress, there's the statement about Jane being the only one of her kind to play the Sburb Alpha. It could be a Fantastic Caste System, but it could also be aliens. (It could also be both, and whatever Jane's kind is, it's on the bottom with the exception of her.)
  • Given the importance of "2x3 Day", it's probably The Condesce and the trolls.
    • Or just the Condesce and whomever the 13th troll is. Jane is most likely just a bit of a snob.
      • Jossed: More time on Alpha Earth has shown that excepting the Condesce, there are no aliens.
      • Un-Jossed (at least partially) by [S] Jane: Enter.
      • Re-Jossed by Dirk's account.

Prospit and Derse will have, respectively, five and three towers.
Way back when Terezi and Vriska were writing Doc Scratch's code, Terezi's portion was five symbols in red while Vriska's was three symbols in blue. The red and blue teams were always associated with Prospit and Derse. So who's sleeping in the extra towers? Most likely Gamzee, Terezi, and Karkat on Prospit's side (with maybe Kanaya in Prospit's crypt, similar to Aradia), with Sollux on Derse. It'd be a good way to give the trolls a second chance at reaching god tier.
  • The Trolls are not considered to be part of the Alpha Session as far as we know; UU never mentioned them and the Frog Temple has only 8 lands for the Beta and Alpha Kids.
  • Jossed. Prospit and Derse have been show to have two dreamself towers each and no prototyping towers.

Not only will the God-Tier Kids join the session, but due to unfortunate circumstances there will only be four Trolls left, and those four will also join the session, creating a 12-player session
There are currently 12 symbols/elements/whatever you want to call them (Breath, Light, Time, Space, etc). The God-Tier Kids, the Alpha Kids, and the remaining trolls will fill out each.
  • Meaning that Aradia and Kanaya will die (again) or otherwise be left behind before entry, but Sollux survived the flight to the Green Sun.
    • We also need to factor in the first part of their titles. Karkat can't be in because Dave is already a Knight; Terezi can't be in because Rose is already a Seer. Also, the terminal that Rose found way back in Act 3 had 8 planets. I find it unlikely that the session will include trolls.
  • It might be possible for UU to join the session somehow- that way there will be 13 kids from 4 different sessions. (Assuming UU isn't actually evil.)
  • Possibly Jossed, Sollux intends to stay behind with Aradia. Only way for this to work is for UU to replace him, or for Kanaya to somehow change aspect.
  • Jossed: The Trolls do not count as players from Sburb's perspective, as the entire mythology of the Alpha Session has been completely devoid of any mention of them. Moreover, Kanaya intends to kill Gamzee, and Mom Lalonde's book series implies the trolls will not survive the Alpha Session.

Since the God-Tier Kids were not created by the Alpha Session, they will not be bound by temporal inevitability there . . .
. . . and will finally be able to Screw Destiny.
  • Except that the Bunny is a pretty clear indicator that they aren't free of P-Space at all.
    • If UU is to be trusted, Jossed.

The current living players will join together into one unified session.
Combine the kids, the Alpha kids, and the six living trolls into one epic SBURB/SGRUB session. Each of the twelve known elements would be represented (the kids are Breath, Light, Time and Space, the Alpha kids are suspected to be Life, Hope, Heart and Void and the remaining trolls include Blood, Doom, Rage and Mind. Aradia and Kanaya would serve as extra heroes of Time/Space because they are two of the most crucial elements for the game's success). Also, there would then be fourteen players from three separate sessions playing together - yet another 413.
  • Trolls from the point of view of the game don't seemingly count, although the Beta Kids do.
    • Jossed unless Sollux changes his mind and rejoins Rose, Dave, and the other trolls.
      • Jossed
  • Partially confirmed at least with Jane & Jake outright stated to be the heroes of Hope & Life and with Dirk & Roxy heavily hinted to be the heroes of Heart & Void, respectively.

The God-Tier Kids are the "Ancestors" in the Alpha Session
Jake received his bunny from his Grandma, and we already know that he's Jade's grandson. A Scratch switches heroes and ancestors, so presumably when the God-Tier kids showed up, the universe saw no need to create new instances of the previous session's heroes and just dropped the ones they already had into the "ancestor" roles.
  • If this is true, a likely consequence would be that Jane (probably) will only clone four babies in the ectobiology lab (after scanning the God-Tier kids and mixing their genes), since the ancestors were already created in another session.
    • The Kids are going to the Session, not Earth. Moreover; Alpha John (and perhaps Jade) is seemingly dead on Earth and that makes no sense in light of his Immortality.
    • Jossed: All of the items (excepting the Sassacre tome) are in-universe duplicates, and the Guardians are unrelated to the four heroes of the beta session.
      • While it's extremely likely that Jane's "slightly abridged" copy of Sassacre's is a duplicate, it's too soon to completely close the door on everything else.
      • The Bunny is a repeat, the hat is a repeat, the Book is separate, Cal presumably is separate, and the rest of the items were things like pistols, and Mutie, which haven't been seen yet.

The Alpha-Earth is a Crapsaccharine World.
Look at Alternia, which went from being a loving, peaceful planet to, well... Alternia. Also, there are a few possible hints already; Jane, a 15 year-old girl, is not allowed to leave her own house? And is the heir to the empire run by a woman hinted to be either an Eldritch Abomination or a Rubber-Forehead Alien Empress bent on conquering the universe. She also mentions "dealing with the low income bucolic classes," implying a possible strong caste system similar to that of the trolls. Meanwhile, Adventure Archaeologist Jake English would "give your RIGHT LEG for a shot at desecrating THE SH*T out of some real life MYSTIC RUINS" (not too strange for a 15-year-old boy, but still noteworthy) as well as keeps guns around in piles and apparently deals with "FRIGHTENING FAUNA" on a semi-normal basis.
  • Jane was being overly poetic to refer to the fact that she's a bit of a rich snob. Also Jake lives completely alone; Jade had uranium all over the place which is arguably even more dangerous.
  • Betty Crocker advertisements have subliminal messages straight out of They Live!. This isn't a Crapsaccharine World, this is a Villain World.
  • Also, the Mars Colony poster shows the Imperial Condesce's flagship in the sky above Mars.
    • Jossed: Pretty much everything we've seen so far shows that it may be a bit more crazy, but it's more or less the same. While propaganda is spewed by most of Crockercorp, who holds enough leverage to get Guy Fieri appointed Chief Justice, Strider and Lalonde's reactions show that most people are Genre Savvy enough to pick up that it is Obviously Evil.
      • We don't know at all what the general public thinks. All of the kids are poor examples of the average Joe, and it's pretty clear that Crockercorp controls the media.
      • This is even more the case after [S] Jane: Enter.

The God-Tier Kids will manipulate events from behind the scenes to ensure that the Alpha Kids' session goes smoothly
It seems like the best thing they could do at this point.
  • Jossed: They're going to outright meet up.

The style of speech that's popular switched along with the kids/ ancestors in the Alpha Session.
  • Both Jane and Jake use very outdated slang by our standards, but it would have been in vogue during the youths of their Beta counterparts, Nanna Egbert and Grandpa Harley.
    • Lalonde and Strider don't talk like that, though. Possibly jossed with Jake's admission that "Im not really abreast of the raddest jargon that the cool kids toss about these days. Maybe because i live alone on an island?"

The heroes of Time and Space who enter the Alpha Session will be Aradia and Kanaya.
This is based on very little evidence, but, hey, it says 'Wild Mass Guessing' at the top of the page. Possible evidence:
  • The fates of the kids are often deliberate reversals of their ancestors' fates (Mindfang kills Redglare, Dualscar kills the Dolorosa, Summoner fated to kill Mindfang, etc). Given that the Handmaid was apparently destined to be killed by the Condesce, and given how strongly it's been implied that Crocker is either the Condesce or is thematically linked to her, it'd be appropriate for Aradia to face off against her in the new universe.
  • Jane's recipe modus hinted at a possible way to create a new Matriorb (reverse-engineering Dad's hat), which would be a neat way for Kanaya to perpetuate the troll race despite Eridan's best efforts.
  • An obvious objection is that UU refers to the 'legendary octet of mutual progenitoriety'. One possible way around this might be that the trolls created the original Beta Session, which makes them 'progenitors' of the original kids and, by extension, the Alpha kids too. Admittedly, it seems likely that this is over thinking things, but you can never be quite sure with Homestuck.
    • "Mutual Progenitoriety" as in the eight that allowed for alpha session to happen? Well there are a number of ways that the four kids fit that definition as for the trolls. Karkat and Kanaya made the kids flawed universe, Gamzee ended up making the flaw but then who Aradia or Terezi have either of them influnced the creation of the alpha universe?
      • Mutual progenitoreity refers to how the Beta kids and the Alpha crew are respectively the each other's ectobiological parents.
      • And thus, presumably Dave and Jade will be the new session's Time and Space heroes.
  • Jossed as Aradia stays at the Green Sun.

Every session needs twelve players, one of each element.
Everyone agrees that every session needs a hero of Time, and a hero of Space. I believe Word of God confirms this. I just think all the other ten are necessary, too. It would certainly seem hard to make a Genesis Frog without any Blood, Breath, or Life. The Trolls' session, the only one we have seen (mostly) succeed is the Trolls', which had twelve players, one of each element. Hussie's joke session of 48 squiddles divides pretty evenly into 12 kiddles and twelve guardian squiddles in an alpha and a beta session, too. It also seems to be a rule that a battlefield must be fully leveled up to create a new session. The beta kids' battlefield has only leveled four times. The Trolls' leveled twelve times. Four is not enough, which is why the kids' session was "barren." Not enough kernels to level it up all the way. This could maybe be fixed by dropping extra Cruxtruders, I don't know.
  • Jossed on many levels: Andrew has confirmed via Word of God that a 48 player session created the Troll Universe, the Kid's session was barren not due to not having enough players, but because of flaws inherent in the Universe that produced the Tumor, and the Trolls do not count as players from the perspective of the Alpha Session, as they are not mentioned in it's mythology at all.

The kids will perform pre-entry prototyping, but it will not affect their own session's parts directly
Rather, it will alter the Rings and Battlefield that the Beta kids, Jack, and PM are bringing with them. Reason to suspect this, besides the lack of orbs on the Alpha ring we saw? In [S] Seer: Descend, there was a book that discussed the implications and potential consequences of adding more spheres to the Queen's ring, which goes on to tempt fate by commenting that this will never happen, as there are only 4 heroes.
  • That was just a comment on the Troll's session.
    • Maybe. Maybe not. Never count out a Chekhov's Gun in Homestuck.
  • So far Jossed for Jane. Three more to go.
    • Jossed by Rose.

The kids and the Trolls will meet face-to-face, and somehow manage to fix everything.
Thus, an entire new universe will be spawned, Lord English is defeated, and there are troll-human hybrids as well. Part of this WMG is because it seems entirely plausible, part is because I want to see a John and Karkat relationship, however improbable.
  • Also, Jade/Karkat and Dave/Terezi.
  • Technically speaking, Jade and Feferi have met face to face. Well, maybe only from Feferi's persepctive.
  • Kids and trolls have already met in dreambubbles yep. Also shipping, please keep off the WMG! Too much fighting.

    The Scratch 

The Alpha!Earth has evolved faster than Beta!Earth
If you take a look at the Jade's Island before and after the Scratch, there are some differences. The forest hasn't grown as far across the island, the Frog Temple looks a bit less weathered and the volcano is still active. I'm not sure if this will have any plot relevance, but it's there. It's possible the year is even 1431. The Condesce (or someone else) might've messed around with Earth the same way that Doc Scratch did with Alternia so that this happened.

The Alpha!Universe is actually a pre-scratch universe
The guardians always did seem a little too prepared in the Beta!Session. We've seen Mom, Dad, and Bro fighting off monsters way above the kids' levels back in Jack: Ascend, Bro training Dave since his youth, Mom accessing a secret lab containing Skaian technology, and Grandpa somehow getting into the game before it even started. For her part, Nannasprite also mentions that she knew about their ectobiological origins for years. Finally, consider Doc Scratch's exposition of pre-scratch Alternia, how the players had not been spawned in their session, which seems to be the case on Alpha!Earth. Ultimately, it's the Alpha!Session which scratches into the Beta!Universe, not the other way around, and the Beta!Universe scratches into a yet-unseen Gamma!Universe.
  • We outright saw the Kids cause the Scratch; if this theory is true then it's an infinite loop which is unlikely as hell.
    • It's already been established that the entire setting is a Timey-Wimey Ball, not to mention that Andrew has tossed RedHerrings at the audience before, so why exactly would it be outside the realm of possibility?
    • Infinite loop? Don't you mean a DOUBLE MOBIUS REACHAROUND?
    • This is also not the first time Earth's Sburb session has been scratched. Being a record, the Scratch keeps skipping back and forth between the Kids and Guardians sessions everytime changing something to help make a successful session. This could be the second, third, fourth or more than likely the 413th (and final) time it's been scratched. The Troll's scratched 1025 times before succeeding until Jack showed up. (Signing this for I Knew It purposes later, Pretzel Boy 11-21-11)
      • Well everyone can also see how Pretzel Boy is incorrect for 2 reasons: 1) The Trolls canonically created the Beta Universe so the Alpha Universe will not Scratch and 2) If UU is to be trusted, the Alpha Session results in victory, so the entire theory above is Jossed.
      • 1) There's nothing that says the trolls created the Beta timeline, only the kids' universe. 2) We don't quite know enough about UU to say we can trust him/her quite yet.
    • If infinite loops are your problem, then maybe I should direct you to the fact that the Beta!Session was scratched because of the presence of The Bunny/Liv Tyler, who was built in the Alpha!Timeline. If the Beta!Session scratched into the Alpha!Timeline, then that's an infinite loop right there!
  • Counterpoint to the WMG in it's premise: Nanna and the rest of the Guardians are completely different entities from the Alpha Kids. They're simply part of the Ancient Conspiracy or were informed of it by Betty Crocker. However, the idea that the Alpha session will Scratch into the Beta Session again, causing a loop, is impossible to confirm or deny, but comes off as rather silly since it would be stupid from a writing perspective, trapping the players in a cycle, and turning Homestuck into a Downer No Ending.
    • The theory does not assume there is an infinite scratch loop to begin with (that started with the initial joss attempt). The Signless had "memories" from his pre-scratch life even though he was a different entity; the idea that the guardians could have similar memories is plausible.
      • The theory does assume a loop in that the Guardians are remembering memories from a past session, meaning the Beta session we initially saw would have to be at least the third iteration of a human session, moreover Doc outright states that the Signless was an oddity, so his memories are probably a trait unique to him and him alone. Jossed anyways due to an oversight. The Alpha Session has no means of Scratching at all; none of the new players are Heroes of Time, and the Beat Mesa has already been used, so the Scratch cannot be carried out a second time.
      • As I'm the one who came up with the theory, I can confirm that the theory assumes that the Beta!Guardians, save Dad, would have memories from their Alpha!Iterations as players, just like the Troll ancestors were the players in their pre-scratch session. The theory makes presumptions about neither a Pre-Alpha iteration nor a scratch-loop, as you suggest.
      • Jossed, however, because the Beat Mesa issue is a totally valid counterpoint, as tardy as it is. Nothing to say about that unless some Weird Plot Shit comes up.
      • The problem is that the Alpha Session from the point of view of the Beta Session takes place in the future, and the idea that people could remember from the future is kinda silly, even considering weird time shit already taking place, so the more natural conclusion is the loop, thus the third iteration. The entire mythology of the Alpha and Beta sessions have been geared towards one following the other, so there's no indication of this unknown Gamma session. Besides, Alpha and Beta apply to basically the version of Sburb, and game testing typically never enters a Gamma testing phase (the term usually used is Open Beta).
      • Not sure what point you're trying to make when you've already jossed the theory with the Beat Mesa issue, but okay... What "future" are you talking about? The theory assumed the Alpha session came first, and the Alpha!Guardians (save Dad, who doesn't count anyway) are all older than their Beta counterparts. Remembering the future is not an issue for the theory. Thus, the loop issue is a hasty assumption more than anything else. As far as calling it a "Gamma" version, I got that off the Obvious Beta page, which indeed labels the late testing phase as either "Open Beta" or "Gamma," so moot point.
      • Replay / rewatch "[S] Seer: Descend". It makes it pretty apparent that the Alpha Session follows the Beta Session. As for the loop; well that was a mistake I got from skimming and then didn't have the pride to reread things completely until just now.

The Alpha Kids will have no Beat Mesa.
And neither did the Trolls(at least the second time around). Based on going from Beta to Alpha, the next logical step would be "testing phase" or rather a stage where nobody gets to play. The top level is the "completed" universe they came from, where Earth, Alternia and other "real" planets live. Anyway, they are already getting a second chance, so if they mess up this time, why would they get a third? Obviously these 4 sessions are constrained by bugs, glitches and cancers, but the Beat Mesa is supposedly a standard feature of the game...
  • Confirmed in principle, but Jossed in particulars via a mistaken assumption: the critical factor is a Hero of Time, not the Scratch mechanism. Aradia's mechanism was never seen, but that doesn't mean it does not exist. Moreover, the Alpha session is a very unusual and probably even unique session.
  • I always thought that giant metronome thing was Aradia's "Beat Mesa". Keep in mind if a Metronome, it would be used to keep a "beat". Note that Aradia's time traveling orbitals are based on it, Dave's are based on Beat Mesa. It appears to be something that changes to match the player/session.

Lord English has left his "calling card" for the Alpha Session
Betty Crocker is in the Alpha Session. Betty Crocker is the Batterwitch. The Batterwitch is the Condesce. The Condesce is in the service of Lord English. The way the Scratch dealie works is, universe gets reset, Lord English gets to send one single person into the new session, who is required to make the session more likely to succeed, but also dooms it to fail. Trolliverse had Doc Scratch, Alpha Session gets the Condesce. Plus, the plot basically requires that Lord English tries to break into the Alpha Session, otherwise he'd end up just awkwardly leaving the story.
  • Jossed: English's calling card is a session being forced to scratch due to not being able to win the game naturally. The calling card existed in the Beta Session, not the Alpha. The agent of English is his direct pawn.
    • Though the symptom of the calling card, players not being born in their session, is present. Rose implies that's naturally a product of a Scratch though, and not necessarily related to English.

The Frog Temple knows about the Scratch, and Frog Temples add.
It's pretty agreeable that the Frog Temple knows that the Scratch happened and is structured accordingly. It has eight pillars for only four players, which certainly means something. This is interpretable as four Beta kids/worlds, four Alpha kids/worlds. However, I am personally making a wildly massive guess that the pillars on the frog temple represent planets, not players. This makes sense, because Skaia, Prospit, Derse, and their respective moons also show up on the frog temple, and those sure aren't players. Since this would mean that the Alpha Session has eight planets in it, and the kids are bringing along four of theirs, this would mean that the Alpha Session will end up with twelve planets sitting in it.
  • Jossed: The Frog Temple is just a building; the mythology of the entire session itself revolves around an 8 player session. The Frog Temple reflects that.

The scratch wasn't meant to stop Jack
It was meant to stop Gamzee. We haven't seen exactly what he can do yet, but judging by how Karkat described it, it had to have been horrible, and now that he's snapped it will be even worse. They're trying to get Jack to fight him because he's the only one strong enough to stand a chance.
  • Jossed.

The Scratch will allow the kids and trolls to change what has happened in the troll's session since Jack Noir got there
When Jack entered the troll's session through the scratch he arrived shortly before the trolls could pass into the kid's universe. A scratch on a record always brings you back to the same place. When the kid's cause the Scratch, they and the trolls will be able to go back to when Jack first arrived in that session. Then for some reason which I haven't really though of involving timey wimey, the rules of breaking from the alpha timeline will somehow not apply, or apply differently so they'll be able to change what has happened in the troll's session. So basically this is purely a desperate guess to find a way for Kanaya to not be dead.
  • This troper will go further and think the kids will hit the Reset Button on the entire trolls' entire universe. However, rather than create an alternate timeline, it will be more of an Eternal Recurrence scenario, allowing for changes that stick.
  • With the revelation that the Scratch is a really big Reset Button, this suddenly seems more likely. The kids will not make a Scratch on their own universe, but somehow transfer the effects to the Trolls' universe. (This would explain why Trollian is unable to view anything after the Scratch occurs, because their timeline is reset. If the Scratch only occurred in the Kids' universe it wouldn't have the same effect on Trollian). It would not just bring them back to life, but also Set Right What Once Went Wrong which would include such things as Eridan not being a jerk, Gamzee not being crazy, and Vriska not being a BLUH BLUH HUGE BITCH (Yeah, I know, the latter sounds impossible). Also: The kids would advise the trolls' through their reset session just as the trolls' advised them (only the kids would be more helpful), making another instances of the great Mobius Double Reacharound.
  • All of this shit is Jossed. The trolls are DEAD but Kanaya is fine.

The kids will become the guardians of the new kids following the scratch.
  • First, the kids will find some way to make it to this reset universe post scratch. They will then take the corresponding roles from their own Guardians and become the new kids' Guardians: Jade will become Grandma (Seeing as Jade's Penpal has been said to be her grand-child, this fits); John will become either Dad or Grandpa depending if he takes the role of his own Dad, who was his adoptive father, or Nanna, who was his genetic mother; Rose will become Mom; Dave will become Bro. They will all try to be better guardians than their own, and will try to find the interest of their "kids". Unfortunately they will end up making the same mistakes, not able to distinguish subconscious ideas, and the roles will come full circle.
    • Jossed, the Kids are entering the rebooted Incipisphere, not the universe itself. Likewise, what about the surviving trolls?
    • On the other hand, if they DON'T escape the Scratch's temporal effects (and I'm not convinced all the kids will escape the Scratch, especially since one of them has to die just to set off the Green Sun)...

Who caused the scratch? Lord English.
Word of God states that Bec Noir arrives in the trolls' session due to the scratch, which did not occur upon being prototyped with Bec. In fact, it's implied that the kids are somehow responsible for it, but we haven't yet seen how this comes about. We do know that it involves The Green Sun, the "source" of the first guardians, one of whom we know is working for Lord English. So maybe the kids somehow call in Lord English in order to induce the scratch and bring about a Good Ending.
  • Jossed.

     Post-Scratch Kids as a Whole 

Unite Synchronization is not about the kids
It is the kids instruments but none of it really sound like any of their previous motifs. The reason why is simple, this is not a song of the kinds working together, it's a song of the post-scratch session
  • Except the art for the song clearly depicts the Kids.
    • The track art for Volumes 7 and 8 were not produced by the music team, so they shouldn't be used to divine the artists' intent for the song.
      • As far as I know the Music Team picks fanart to go with the song.
      • I understand that while they may choose who draws the art, they don't tell them what to draw. Thus, we get a situation where songs like Even in Death and Judgment Day, arrangements of Dave and Aradia's leitmotifs, have Rose and John in their album art.
      • Actually in the vast majority of cases the art is already drawn, and they just contact the fanartist for use in the album. For instance just offhand, Mayor Maynot had it's art drawn over a year before it was actually put in the album.
      • At any rate Jossed; Andrew does not reveal spoilers to the music team, even integral members like Radiation. Moreover, the Alpha Kids have the same instruments as the Beta Kids.
      • Though the song was later used for a flash about Dirk and the rest of the Alpha Kids.

The kids' pesterchum handles will all contain the letter U
If the original session was like DNA (aka, storing data), then Alpha Session is like RNA (aka, transcribing data to be used). Therefore it'll probably be some variation of AU, CU, GU, UA, UC, UG, or UU (if she's not the thirteenth troll)
  • Jossed. Jake's chumhandle is golgothasTerror.
    • Completely Jossed
      • At least for the kids. U's might be used for UU's fellow "cheer" players if there's any more of them.
      • Confirmed, but the original WMG is still jossed.

Trying to predict what each alpha kid will prototype their respective sprite with
  • Jane: Seb - pre entry; Dead Poppop - post entry.
    • Can't prototype the Bunny, as it has to be broken to complete time loops.
    • Also, Jane didn't prototype it with anything pre entry (though AR tried to prototype it with Poppop).
  • Jake: ? - pre entry; Brobot - post entry.
  • Lalonde: a four eyed cat and a vizard doll - pre entry.
  • Bro: Tiny Maplehoof - pre entry; Auto Responder - post entry.
    • Incidentally, this also leaves two open slots for GCat.
    • It's not really as bad as it sounds. By the time the kids manage to beat Jack, they should have no problem with another opponent od his caliber.
    • They might do the sane thing and prototype GCat post-entry. This would have the benefits of a First Guardian sidekick with none of the problems.
    • I am of the theory/hope that one of them will prototype WV post-entry, assuming the meteor gets to the session in time. Though it will hopefully not be Jake who prototypes him, because then he'd probably try to eat himself.
    • Similar to above, I am of the theory/hope that some version of Karkat will be prototyped. I think it would be a nice callback to the Jadesprite incident, as well as finally giving him a chance at a kismesissitude.
    • Dirk and Roxy both wanted to play the game to somehow revive their respective Guardians, however. It's possible they might just prototype Post-scratch Dave and Rose.

  • Above are Jossed; the Black Ring and Derse and Prospit have all been seen, and it seems the Alpha Session will not be able to Prototype anything; or at least if they do, they'll have no influence on the session.

Jane and Jake are Derse dreamers
Jake mentions the "regrettable REALNESS ATTRIBUTE" of "FRIGHTENING FAUNA", and his bedspread has images that seem to be horrorterrors on them. It seems to me that he is probably awake on Derse already. Jane would also be a Derse dreamer in order to pair her with Jake the way John and Jade were paired. Incidentally (this part isn't about alpha!homestuck, should it be moved?) This would indicate that the scratch flips dreamers. If that's the case, it is possible that the Sufferer could remember because horrorterrors saved his (Dersite) dream self during the scratch, and it was then superimposed on his sub-conscience.
  • It's not the horrorterrors on Jake's bed; it's the Trolls' lusii. Look closer.
  • Jossed; Jane has discussed waking up on Prospit and seeing Jake sleeping there.

All four of these Alpha children are decoys.
Hussie is building these children up to be important characters, having them contact trolls, know everything that's wrong with their world, give them an entire empire... only to be killed the minute they enter the Medium. Four completely new kids who have no idea of what they're doing will be chosen in their stead, as Skaianet doesn't take kindly to All-knowing Players. The box is still going to be delivered, but by convoluted weird time shit and this session's version of PM.
This is going to be Jossed anyway, but it was worth a shot.
  • One down. Three more to go.
    • The start of the bit with Hussiebot made this look very likely, that the Alpha session existed solely to establish Hussiebot's cruelty. But considering that the characters we just spent two years getting to know have just been consigned to an "intermission", it seems rather unlikely unless Act 6-2 introduces us to a whole new Alpha session; Jane is likely to survive somehow, just like she's presumably survived previous assassination attempts.
    • Actually not; kid's long gone, now.
  • Prettty much Jossed.

Roxy, Dirk, and maybe Jake were sent to the future.
We know that Jake has to be in the present because we've seen him run around his island before it was submerged. While it's possible to sendificate, transportalize, and appearify across time and universes as well as space, the blurring glow as Dirk and Roxy exit to the surface may have indicates a time travel effect.

The post-scratch kids (Jane, Jake, Mom and Bro) will somehow merge/retain their memories from Alpha in form of their pre-scratch selves
Which explains why they know so much about Sburb. The only hole in this theory is John/Jane's 'dad', unless he gets prototyped at some point...
  • Mom and Bro seem to know unnaturally more about Sburb than even Jane and Jake, who don't seem to know much more than what they got from UU.
    • This does not seem to be the case.
      • That would not make much sense, as their beta-selves would probably need to have been absorbed by the scratch, and they are all dead at this point.
      • Jossed by A 6 I 2's explanation of how the scratch works.

The kids and trolls will create a new universe together, with 12 players.
From the original human session, we have Heir of Breath, Seer of Light, Knight of Time, and Witch of Space. The new session has (probably) Maid of Life, Page of Hope, Lalonde as the hero of Void, and Strider as the hero of Heart. Finally, the four remaining trolls add the Knight of Blood, Seer of Mind, Bard of Rage, and Mage of Doom. This means that the other parts of Lalonde and Strider's titles will contain Thief, Rogue, Sylph, or Prince. Result: twelve player session with one of each mythological role, only with two of Knights and Seers, and lacking two of the four missing titles entirely.
  • The only problem of the theory would be how to get the trolls into God Tiers, what with their planets and Quest Beds having all been destroyed.
  • That and Aradia and Kanaya are alive while Sollux is dead.
    • Or just half dead, according to [1]
    • He looked fine in Cascade.
    • Up until the eyebleed...
    • Sollux still poses a problem, as he doesn't intend to come with Rose, Dave, and the other trolls to the alpha session.
  • Mom Lalonde's book series implies none of the trolls will survive the Alpha Session.
  • The points in the WMG itself have been Jossed. The mythos of the Alpha Session have been utterly devoid of any mention of the Trolls too.

The current events, with all the Alpha kids dying like flies, are a doomed timeline.
They're dying so easily because they're getting blindsided. Killed in their sleep (with deudly peanuts), stabbed in the back, explosive-rigged mailbox, whatever. All stuff that only works because it comes as a surprise. All stuff that's easily preventable once a fully-fledged Knight of Time is in the game. Sure, Dave isn't there yet, but once he is, time is his oyster, so he can go back and pull an 'I am already here'. Lord English isn't the only guy with time powers, biatch.
  • Tenatively Jossed by the fact that Time powers don't work like that; Dave has to follow his own preordained path, and since the deaths seemingly are not a part of that, he can't correct them without causing a timeline split. Moreover his powers are primarily combat oriented according to Aradia.

The lands in Alpha Session
If there are eight new lands, three of them will be duplicates of their respective trolls'.
  • Jossed via mistaken assumptions: there are 4 new lands and there's absolutely no indication they will be the same as the counterparts of the Troll's session, given that there is absolutely no commonality between the Troll Session Lands and the known Beta Kid Lands, aside from Frogs with Jade and Kanaya.
    • Woah woah woah. "Jossed?" While I think this theory is unlikely, Jossed means that the creator (via his work or outside statements) has invalidated it. Until the new lands are shown in the story, it can't be Jossed by anything short of Hussie saying so.
      • Which is why it says "Via mistaken assumption". Jossed here is simply being used as shorthand for "Demonstrates a lack of understanding of existing canon", and besides, the fact that there are 8 new lands has been directly Jossed. TV Tropes at any rate doesn't really have terms for that, so the term "Jossed" is sometimes used to mean the previous statement, instead of the actual definition. Not all theories fall into a straight Confirmed / Jossed dichotomy, but we've got to sort through them somehow, and these are simply the terms that exist.
      • Jossed really means "confirmed not to be true" or "confirmed false", or at least that's how WMG uses it.
    • And now the new lands have been shown to be completely different.

    Jane Crocker 

Mr. Crocker has banned Jane from leaving the house in a misguided attempt to protect her from Sburb.
Sadly, he doesn't understand temporal inevitability.
  • Alternately, he's banned her from leaving the house to ensure that she is able to play Sburb, whether he did so under his own initiative or under orders from the Batterwitch.
  • It appears her Dad's trying to protect her from assassination. It also appears he wasn't successful.
    • Well, she's not dead yet, thanks to GCat.
      • Jossed

Jane's not going to be the player.
In her place will be her father, seeing as it's his computer, and thus he is more likely to reach it before Jane. In this case, with the switched roles, Jane will be the one to die in Mr. Crocker's place. Also, it works if you consider this- Since this is a "Guardian Session", this means that the guardians of the players would be playing the game, and guess who was raising John?
  • By this logic, shouldn't Godcat, counterpart of Bec, be a player in place of Jake?
  • As incredibly unlikely as this is, this shipper would like to see this happen, if only because Jane dying for Dad would mean he'd still be around in three years when Alpha Mom/Roxy turns eighteen.
    • This also fufills the Heiress-Sans-Parent rung on the Echeladder. They never said how it'd be sans-parent, after all.
    • Jossed via mistaken assumption; Jane has a dreamself, ergo she must be a player.

The assassination attempts were made to prevent Jane from playing Sburb.
Someone knew what was going on, apparently; if Jane played Sburb, then it would cause a chain of linking her other friends up to the game, therefore, in that person's mind, causing the meteors to come and destroy the Earth. To protect themselves and anyone else, they brought it upon themselves to kill her before she starts up the game; no Jane, no meteors, no Earth pieces floating around space. Simple as that.
  • Jossed actually. The Condesce needed Jane to enter in order to bring her warship through to Earth.

The reason why Jane's survived so many assassination attempts thus far...
...is because the First Guardian has secretly watched over her her whole life, instead rather than Jake or Lalonde. (Not much to confirm here, just how long and how many attempts.)
  • Jossed though; GCat watches over all the Alpha Kids equally.

Jane's Can Not Spit It Out to Jake is not of her own doing
Rather, as someone hinted elsewhere on this wiki, it is a result of the Cease Reproduction command from her Crockercorp headgear prompting her to respond a certain way against her will.
  • There may also be some kind of cerulean influence- Vriska couldn't do it, but maybe someone else can.
    • That implication is patently false; Vriska's mind control on humans was strictly limited to putting humans to sleep (and she couldn't even control the personalities of Trolls either, as Karkat demonstrated), so her doppelganger can't have that ability.
      • And Andrew directly jossed this one in a recent round of questions.

Jane will not enter the medium by entering the usual way
As it looks right now, she has absolutely no interest in playing Sburb. While the Alpha Kids seem to know a lot, they don't seem to know about the meteors. So her house will just be asploded by a meteor. She'll live with the lifey thing, and dad will live by mangrit/dadness. Jane will eventually enter the medium by dying on her Earth quest bed... All the players have quest beds on Earth somewhere. When Fedorafreak found a quest bed, that wasn't Fedorafreak's quest bed, that was just one of the kids'. So Jane enters last, and Dirk goes and has Jake enter, and then Roxy servers Dirk, thereby reversing the order from the Beta session?

Just a thought. At the moment, Jane probably has 11 hours:11 minutes:11 seconds to enter. When she finally gets around to opening the cruxtruder, she'd then have what, 1 minute 11 seconds left? There's no way she'd have enough time left.

  • Continuing on this, nobody enters the regular way. Roxy enters through the void, Dirk just sits around with one self entered and one self on Earth, and I can't come up with anything for Jake. Something Lord Englishy? If there aren't any lands in the Alpha Session because Jade is bringing the Beta sessions', this would resolve none of them being able to enter on their lands.
    • None of them have entered yet. Roxy has gone into it and come back out, but entry specifically means doing something with a Cruxite item. Dreamselves especially don't count as entry, as awakening a dreamself prior to entry is fairly common. According to the Frog Temples as well, they all have lands.
  • I wasn't saying that Roxy officially entered yet, I was saying that if she was unable to enter the Cruxite item way, she could just float in through the void.
  • Confirmed / Jossed, depending on what you define as "normal." Jane entered when her timer ran out. She did not do a pre-entry prototyping nor interact with her prototyping item to enter. No meteor impacted her site when the clock ran down (though the Battleship Condescension reentered over her house). However, she did enter by following the normal steps using the pre-punched card, so...
    • The Title of the WMG was confirmed but everything else about it is Jossed.

Jane is going to become a Future Badass
There WAS a Time Skip after she entered the game, after all; technically speaking, she was in the game for that entire time, and it seems we'll be picking up only after it. That means she'll have YEARS to figure out the ropes, grind against random imps, alchemize increasingly awesome items, etc.
  • There was not a Time Skip; Dirk and Roxy live in the future. From the perspective of Sburb, they're all operating on San Dimas time.

Jane prototyped herself just as she was entering the game
If you notice, she was glowing blue, with blue dots floating around, and the kernelsprite only a few inches behind her. Maybe GodCat wanted her to prototype herself by accident?
  • Her house was glowing blue too. Seemingly just a side effect of entry which helps visually show that a location is entering.

Jane is the most important character in Homestuck.
From here and here.
  • Mistaken assumption: Jane isn't watching Jade's tower as should be obvious from the blue color and the gold tower. She's watching her own imminent lifey thing.

Jane died because it was a doomed timeline, the Pre-Scratch kids will arrive just in time to fix it and allow her to live.
Although this is a bit on the unlikely side, as nobody was even in the Medium yet, and Dave had only been able to avert doomed timelines from within the Medium... But not impossible, given Dave's God Tier status.
  • Jossed, Gcat saved her.

    Jake English/Jade's Penpal 

Jake is not going to crush on mystery troll
Why? She's not really of cerulean complexion - her skin is grey. Hence the <???????? instead of <33333333. Hussie trolls us once again.
  • Jossed already, he thinks she's cute.

everytime the "What Pumpkin?" gag appears, it has been Jake's fault.
In Jailbreak, this was quite common, since Jake was first trying this out, but as he started to learn more, he began to pull them out of different places, until he finds out that it's a waste of uranium. In other words, the stories are all connected together, thanks to this silly gag.
  • It's strongly implied that, at least once in Homestuck, it was WV's fault.
    • Additionally, Roxy shares some guilt for these incidents, though mainly for the ones Jane suffered through.
  • And thus, that's enough to disprove "everytime" [sic].

Jake is Pre-Scratch Grandpa Harley.
Here's the thing: It's never explains where Grandpa went during his travels. Possibly, while he was running away when he was 13 years old, Lord English or "Betty Crocker" came by, abducted the boy, brought him into the alternate universe with them, dumped him on an island and, like Jane, brainwashed him, only this time brainwashing him into thinking he was Jake English; however, it only worked partially, as he still speaks the slang of his time and still has a thing for blue ladies, though now amplified into having a thing for blue skinned ladies.
  • Except that doesn't make any sense; Jake as the Page of Hope must be created from the Alpha Session, as every other player thus far has been.
    • What about the pre-Scratch trolls?
      • Their story hasn't been fully explained, hence the "every other player thus far"
  • Apparently Jossed by Rose's exposition. While they are identical, they both seem to be their own separate entities.

J is also the grandson of Vriska
They have identical handwriting, aside from Vriska's Ms as scorpio signs. What that means for John/Vriska, well we'll just have to see.
  • John x Vriska= Subject A, Jade x Unknown Participant= Subject B, Subject A x Subject B = J
Although take note that this would mean a crossbreeding of cousins, Hussie has played incest for laughs however it is unknown if he would actually write it into the story.

Jade's penpal will be Kanaya's, um, offspring.
Kanaya's formal introduction hammers you over the head with implies a lot of points that connect her to Jade, such as a similar lunchbox, a love of colorful shit, the friggin' frog temple, her penchant for dreaming, and her jade-green blood . This jade color is also somewhat reminiscent of the green hue Jade's penpal wrote in. Kanaya herself may not be Jade's penpal, as both the color and the writing style are different from Kanaya's. But it's outright stated that Kanaya will, um, impregnate her Lusus at some point, so it's probable that Kanaya's, um, offspring will be the one to contact Jade. Hey, stranger things have happened in this comic.
  • The offspring in question seems to be another mother grub. Her responsibility was not to impregnate her Lusus, but to cut the egg out of her.
    • Pretty sure from context and everything that Jade's Penpal is Grandpa Harley.
    • Jossed jossed! It's Jade's grandkid and the orb is asploded.

    Roxy Lalonde 

The Reason Roxy uses troll lingo is...
She reads Homestuck through one of her many fenestrated walls.
  • She might have met them while sleepwalking through the dream-bubbles.
    • Original WMG Jossed.

God Cat is loyal to Lalonde the same way Bec is to Jade
It's entirely possible Jaspers helped create God Cat (with a possible BARK code somehow), but God Cat won't be prototyped and will instead be a vital ally in the Alpha session.
  • Alternatively, it will be prototyped, but not a way that breaks the Session. Lalonde will then combine with it when she becomes the God Tiered Hero of Void; since Void has been shown to be the opposite of Space, it makes sense that the Void hero will merge with a cat just as the space hero merges with a dog.
    • Why did it kill Jaspers then?
      • Perhaps it knew from the connection with Jadesprite etc. via the Green Sun that Jaspers has to end up dead and prototyped in th Beta session, so came to the conclusion that if he didn't die soon this wouldn't happen. Or perhaps it needed Roxy to get into the lab for some reason.
  • Jossed: If anything he's loyal to Rose. Jaspers was not that fond of Roxy.

Lalonde doesn't really believe the Batterwitch is out to get Jane
When Jane told her she now believed her, and apologised for doubting, Lalonde's reaction was "ur makin me feel like shit here", and then she changed the subject when asked why. It looks an awful lot like she's been subjected to Oblivious Guilt Slinging. Given that she's a Lalonde, and therefore a mistress of Passive-Aggressive Kombat, it's possible her claims were purely to manipulate Jane for reasons as yet unknown.
  • Very close; it turns out there was Oblivious Guilt Slinging, because Lalonde was trying to manufacture a fake assassination attempt to get Jane to believe her.
  • Considering that Roxy blames Betty Crocker for her mom and Dirk's bro's deaths, this one is pretty unlikely.
    • Jossed.

Who's in the lab with Roxy?

Place your bets!
  • Another of Dirk's robots.
  • Sawtooth
  • An Imperial Drone
  • Temporally displaced Roxy's Mom
  • Dimensionally and temporally displaced Rose.
  • Dimensionally and temporally displaced Rose's Mom.
  • A member of the Felt.
  • Lord English and his cuestick pegleg.
  • Some caretaker Roxy has we weren't aware of.
  • A carapace.
    • Ding ding ding! We have a winner, but also a loser! There are tons of them!
  • SURPRISE FANTROLL
  • Giant cat mecha.
  • Pounce de Leon, or some counterpart thereof.
  • Calmasis.
  • Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.

    Dirk Strider/Auto-Responder 
Alpha Bro's first name is Dick
Or give me one other four letter male name that begins with Di...
  • Dirk.
    • And that is indeed his name.
    • Roxy does call him Dick occasionally. Let's just call it even.

Alpha!Bro's name is Dell.
And he could act as an engineer of sorts.
  • D. Strider does seem to be the most technologically proficient, having invented a near-AI auto-responder.
  • Jossed (at least partially), it's Dirk.

Bonus WMG: This also gives him the right/opportunity to ironically sing "Rolling in the Deep", because he'd be, you know, a Dell.

When the autoresponder refers to a "DS", he isn't talking about Bro.
A bit of a wild theory, but think about it. Who else has the initials of DS? DOC SCRATCH. He is already here.

Alpha!Bro doesn't exist. He's the autoresponder.
It's him.
  • Alternatively, just as Jake's dream self is already dead before the game begins, perhaps Alpha!Bro's awake self may already be dead. Like Aradia, who was dead before entering SGRUB, Alpha!Bro may exist only in robotic form (autoresponder and brobot) until he awakens his dream self/god tier.
    • Jossed. We've already seen DS when he spoke to Jane after getting out of the shower.

Bro and Dave are in the airplane flying over the city.
The airplane in [S] Act 6 is a curious sight, given Homestuck's near total lack of any signs of people other than the protagonists and their relatives. It would be quite strange of Hussie to put it in the montage if it didn't have any relevance to the protagonists, so it probably does. The plane being a jet chartered by Dave seems likely, since given that Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff has been adapted into a feature film in this timeline, he's likely busy and powerful enough to do so when he and his little Bro need to get somewhere, and Bro having to play Sburb on a moving plane would provide some interesting challenges that would be fun to explore.
  • Tentatively Jossed. It seems that Bro was just in the shower, though we don't know where Dave was.
  • Jossed: It's just a Con Air Call Back it seems.

Strider is in fact the First Guardian of Earth
Jake was referring to him; Alpha Bro's counterpart has a different last name.

Andrew Hussie is a dimensionally-displaced Alpha Bro, and his real name is Drew Strider.
Alpha Bro's big irony speech was taken almost word-for-word from an answer Hussie gave to a Formspring question. Or maybe it's a speech that he's been giving for years, and it naturally springs from his lips (or fingers) when the subject is broached. Andrew is a pseudonym based on his real name, and... he thought "Hussie" would be an ironic surname, or something. Also, several of Hussie's webcomicker friends are the other kids. Just because.
  • Jossed. Strider's name is Dirk.

Alpha!Dave remembers the Beta Universe.
Just like The Signless in the Troll session. Which is why he didn't get a montage in the Cascade video.
  • ...He was in every scene with Rose in it, I think that counts as a montage.
    • I think that's referring to the scenes seen through the fenstrated wall, as mentioned above, but it's more likely a coincidence.
      • Who knows, he's dead! Also the Sufferer was unique.

Bro's original fetish was robots, not puppets
However, when he was young, robotics were both too expensive and not advanced enough to meet his desires, so he latched onto puppets as the next best thing, and grew into it through his life. D. Strider, being born later and having money from his brother's movies, was able to build robots to his heart's desire.
  • Doubtful; Dirk is as into puppets as Bro was.

    Uu 
UU is not a cissexual.
Disregarding the Midnight Crew, Homestuck has thus far had an absolute gender equality among its player characters, but if UU is either male or female, the balance would be tipped. Now, while the screen name uranianUmbra most likely refers to the Green Sun's atomic rays, uranian is also an archaic term for a transsexual. Knowing this, it seems likely that she is somehow either both genders at once or neither.
  • That logic actually doesn't apply; for a very long time, J was known to be a mysterious person but there was no indication his gender was fluid. Moreover, Uranian was a originally specific term for a MTF Transsexual, not just any sort of non-binary or non cissexual, and UU seemingly is happy to be identified as a female. In addition, no session can compose of a single player, so it's entirely possible Uranian is simply a reference that makes sense in the context of her own session (i.e. perhaps a celestial body theme, or what have you).
    • Or you can simply chalk it up to UU lying outright and being a First Guardian, which don't really even have gender.
  • Possibly Jossed. If UU isn't lying, her Sburb class is exclusive to female players. Then again, no one ever said that classes were limited to physiologically female players. It might count psychological gender for all we know.
    • She has consistently been referred to as female constantly. She seems to be a Wholesome Crossdresser at worst. Calling this one as Jossed.
    • All that means is that she identifies as female. Whether she is cissexual or trans* is still up in the air, so how is this Jossed?
      • Because usually when a girl says she's a girl, she's a biological girl. There has never been any suggestion remotely of her being anything but a normal cissexual female, and we don't even know if there can be transsexual trolls too, because their gender identity is completely different from humans. The core WMG too is Jossed about the whole gender balance thing too, because there's uu. Speaking in an aside as a writer here too, in all likelihood, while Andrew is an LGBT sympathizer, he doesn't want to touch the pretty emotionally charged subject of transsexuality in a primarily comedic series. Kanaya and Dirk's sexualities are never gone into in great deal, but transexuality is a bit different, and it's genuinely hard for writers to do it proper justice.

UU is a Fairy.
UU seems to be an "Anti-Troll", and fairies seem to be as good a counterpart as any, especially since their existence was foreshadowed by Tavros. And if she does turn out to be evil, that would be perfectly in line with The Fair Folk.
  • She's a troll

UU is from the universe the kids will create.
She assures that Jane and co. will be successful in their session.... Hey, why are you looking at me like that?
  • ... Except I actually was about to post this theory- Hello alternate universe me. Adding on to 'my past universe self's' theory, the reason UU wants to sync up the start of their session with the session of the Alphas is because of the boundless help it offers both sides, and UU might want to be the reason his/her universe is created, in similar terms to Vriska wanting to be the reason Bec was protoyped. Nope, no stares at ALL.

UU is the pre-Scratch Signless / Sufferer
We know that the Signless was a originally a prophet of peace and equality before he was tortured to death, and we know that the troll's world before their own scratch was practically a utopia. uranianUmbra could be the young Signless from a kinder, gentler universe. Being "signless," UU would be free to pick his own symbol, and UU's caduceus is not far from one of the many signs proposed for Ophiuchus, a 13th astrological sign.

Perhaps the biggest barrier to UU being the Signless would be his gender — except that "uranian" can mean transsexual. If the Signless was transgender, it might not be noteworthy to trollish history considering how irrelevant physical sex is to reproduction. Karkat has been teased before for watching "movies for girls," so there's at least a connection between Karkat and muddied gender roles.
  • Alternatively, UU is one of the other 24 pre-Scratch trolls.
    • There's no evidence there's more than 12 pre-Scratch trolls, as indeed that wouldn't make any sense, unless you're including the pre-Scratch ancestors that became the post-Scratch players.
  • Possibly supported by her candy-red cufflink in the shape of half of the Sign of the Signless.
    • But Jossed in that her horns don't match at all. And appearances don't change between Scratched sessions, just look at John and Poppop.

UU is Feferi's ancestor, and trying to sabotage this session.
Just seems to fit with the Betty Crocker things.
  • Horns don't match.

UU is Feferi's ancestor from the Alpha Troll session.
As above, except she is genuinely trying to help the kids... at first. However, she pulls a Face–Heel Turn because something that happens in the kids' session ultimately causes the Alpha Troll session to fail (similar to how the kids' beta session was doomed because of the trolls' failure to put the universe together properly). This would be a reversal of how Karkat and the other trolls were initially hostile to the kids, but later ended up helping them.
  • Alpha is a designation that doesn't mean anything in the Trolls' session, so I assume you mean the original session. If that's the case, this is Jossed by virtue of Feferi not having an ancestor in the Ancestors' session. She was ectobiologically created, which means that she is genetically related to between 1 and 23 other trolls, and no others.
    • Presumably what is meant here is the pre-Scratch version of the Condesce, the one who played the pre-Scratch trolls' session.
      • Jossed; horns don't match and appearances do not change between Scratched sessions, compare John and Poppop.

UU is actually a squiddle
First, she is so painfully cheerful and nice to everyone, just like a squiddle would be, which is stretching it a bit, actually this whole WMG is stretching a bit. But she seems to be cheerful to be a troll, he symbol has also got two snakes intertwining, which is quite like a tangle buddy I guess. Also there was this line:
UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.
Which, you're supposed to think refers to the god tier children, but could actually refer to the god's of the outer ring the inspiration for the squiddles. As well as this Umbral, the second part of her troll handle, means the darkest shadow, where no light could ever reach, once again an inclination that she might be tied in with the dark gods of the outer ring.
  • She's confirmed to be a Troll.

UU is Alternia's pre-Scratch First Guardian
The only Ophiuchus symbolism so far has all referred to Doc Scratch, but a pre-Scratch Alternia would have a different First Guardian. Act 6 seems to be about communicating between reset universes. Only problem is that the hands aren't white.
  • Doesn't she talk about playing the game herself? That wouldn't make sense, considering how players and First Guardians are created.
    • Pre-Scratch Alternia did not have a First Guardian, which is partially why they needed to Scratch.

UU is responsible for the failure of the Pre-Scratch Troll session
  • WARNING EPILEPTICTREES AHEAD: In line with the theory that Complacency of the Learned has something to do with UU's true identity, UU is the thirteenth troll of the Pre-Scratch Troll session engaged in a game against Lord English with the goal being to beat him for good. While ensuring that the Alpha kids succeed in their session she actively attempts to sabotage her own session to create a situation that will force her fellow players to initiate the Scratch which would lead to the events of Homestuck as we know them. Since she is the leader of her session she would most likely use ectobiology to do this (possibly making her responsible for Karkat's mutation)or by killing them all (keeping in line with Cot L). As for why she is no longer present in the post-scratch troll session it could be that ectobiology shenanigans caused her to cease to exist or she was removed from play due to her actions hindering the success of the session (thus giving it a better chance to succeed).
    • There were only 12 players in the Pre-Scratch session according to Doc and Word of God.
      • Don't forget, though, that players != impact on session. Dad, Mom, Bro and Grandpa were all running around doing things. Bro even began the process of the Scratch. Grandpa somehow entered and escaped the session completely independent of how the kids even entered.

UU isn't cosplaying
The horns and gray skin are real. Combining the River Song reference and the possibility that UU really is an alien, UU looks like a troll and trolls look like UU, but they're different species.
  • She seems to be a troll pretty completely! Going with Jossed since there's no evidence of a species that looks like trolls but aren't them?

UU's 'brother' is Jake
UU: i am so pleased to be a prospit dreamer. i'm sUre my brother finds his netherworldly affiliation similarly pleasing.
She never explicitly stated that her brother was a derse dreamer; she merely stated that he had "netherwordly" affiliations, which may be merely foreshadowing of Lord English. Thus, she may be the daughter of Jade and Karkat, as her symbol contains both their colors.
  • He's a Derse dreamer and Jake's dreamself is dead.

UU is Her Imperial Condescension
  • Or maybe The Handmaid
  • Or BETTY CROCKER!!!
    • Jossed, the Empress is on Derse. Possibly for The Handmaid too since HIC has Lord English's multicolored "aura" and Doc Scratch promised to let "Aradiacestor" die after recruiting the Empress.

UU is the descendant of Exiles
Her grey skin is the result of the blending of Prospitan and Dersite white and black, and her horns are just a cosplay outfit. This would explain why she has access to an exile terminal. Nothing has ever said that a universe can only spawn via Sburb once, and it would explain why it's important for exiles to reseed a planet after it's been scourged by the Reckoning.
  • Alien blood colors = Troll
    • Does it now? What about Snowman's blue blood?
      • Snowman is a very special exception. Besides, she and her brother both have alien blood colors and haven't demonstrated any of the properties Snowman did, so it's safe to say they do genuinely have alien blood colors as they're trolls. At any rate, Jossed for another reason; Exile hands do not look like UU's. They either have 5 distinct fingers or claws.

In the new session, a cancer troll doesn't exist.
There isn't a troll that corresponds with the cancer symbol (except maybe UU? but she's more of a replacement, or probably the Disciple) in the new session, because the Sufferer/Karkat and his blood color was an anomaly and was never meant to be, so the game just removed him, or the "cancer" of the broken session. The Alpha Trolls are decked out in Sufferer symbols because they found the Beta session, maybe the kids send out a message, and were completely fascinated, like how Kanaya was when she found Rose's walkthrough.
  • UU's session doesn't correspond to both known Troll sessions at all.
    • UU and uu are both not based on cancer, so Jossed.

There are 12 "Anti-Trolls", and uranianUmbra is one of them.
It would make sense: all the kids in Alpha session are inverts of the kids in beta session, so rather than being trolls the aliens would be the opposites of the trolls from Hivebent. UU is definitely the opposite of Karkat so far. They probably aren't even called trolls or anything like that. They're probably named after the fantasy opposite: Elves.
  • UU's race is the perfect combo of the pre- and post-scratch Troll race — compassionate and effective. Or to use various Something Awful theories, UU's race is the pre-scratch Trolls themselves in some sort of moebius quadruple reach-around to trap Lord English in the same four universes for some reason.
    • There are at least 2, and possibly 3 Trolls in UU's session, so we're on the way towards it.
  • Jossed. Only 2.

UU will go overboard with themes
Her cheerhandle and caduceus symbol refer to Ophiuchus (an alternative zodiac), Uranus, uranium, Hermes/Mercury, medicine (although that's a different symbol), and the snake in the Eastern Zodiac. That's a lot of symbolism for one player; if she's part of a group that's like six Quirky Miniboss Squads in one and that's assuming there's eleven or twelve more of them.
  • What if the new batch of trolls do have the Eastern Zodiac as their theme?
    • If there's 11 more, no problem. If a version of the Beta Trolls are with UU then "Vriska's" spider/scorpion or "Karkat's" crab can replace the traditional odd-one-out, the cat.
      • Trolls that already correspond: Equius-horse, Nepeta-tiger, Tavros-Ox/Bull, Aradia-ram, Terezi-Dragon, UU-snake. Unattached: dog, rooster, monkey, rat, rabbit, pig, and cat; Karkat, Kanaya, Feferi, Sollux, and Vriska; Eridan and Gamzee can stand in for the dragon (sea horse) and ram (goat), respectively.
    • Jossed. There's two and they're both loosely related to the same sign.

uranianUmbra is a shared account.
Yes, UU might be of ambiguous gender, and they're strongly hinted to be a girl, but there was no rule saying that their account could be run by two people who alternate between each other, a he and a she, the girl taking charge most of the time. Following this, it doesn't disturb the Male/Female ratio in the child characters.
  • This also fits the constellation of Ophiuchus, which can be subdivided into Ophiuchus himself and the snake, Serpentarius. So theoretically there can be two new characters introduced, one with the symbol of a snake and temptation, and another with the symbol of a healer.
  • And it has also been revealed that she does indeed have a "brother", so to speak, so both taking control of the computer is not that farfetched.
  • Opiuchus itself was first proposed as part of a 14-sign zodiac (the 14th sign, if you're curious, was Cetus). Note that Cetus is the denizen of Rose - see the WMG about UU and Rose below.
    • Combining with the below theory, uranianUmbra could be a human girl obsessed with Homestuck (which might remain as a webcomic, as she read about all of them through text) and she could just be roleplaying her fantroll. The reason why she knows so much is because she really doesn't, and is making most of the stuff she says up. her "brother", on the other hand, helps her use her account when she runs out of ideas to type. Also, there was a lime part and a gray part to her symbol; a troll's symbol is only the color of their blood, and trolls can't have two types of blood. Her symbol is the gray rod, which usually means mutant red blood, as Karkat (and by that extention, the whole of the human race) had. Her "brother", the trollier parts of the account, provides the Lime blood, which is why she said that her brother has a different type of blood than her. they didn't want to make seperate accounts to talk to the alphas so they combined.
  • Jossed. While UU might have two separate personalities, both of those personalities have separate accounts.
    • Until we see them interacting with each other or in the flesh, having two accounts does not necessarily imply that they aren't the same person. (undyingUmbrage could be an inverted Sock Puppet.) Also, sharing the same letters for their chumhandles might indicate two identities on the same account. Plus uu's symbol is an alternate take on an Ophiuchus sign, which links them well.
      • Still the idea that the account uranianUmbra is a shared one is rather conclusively Jossed. The idea behind the WMG was pretty close though!

UU has some relation to Aradia
A few people have made River Song comparisons with UU. River is a time traveling archeologist. Also, uracil base pairs with adenine in RNA, meaning the counterpart to UU would be AA.
  • UU is much more closely related to Karkat.

UU and her "brother" were killed by the Beta Trolls win the Beta session
Somebody above pointed out that Ophiuchus was originally proposed as a 14-sign zodiac that also included Cetus. When we first meet Eridan and Feferi, they're killing a whale lusus. It's possible that this was the lusus of UU's "brother", who will be based off of the sign of Cetus. The two of the where originally killed by either Eridan or Vriska, and somehow the two of them escaped/were brought back to life by the Scratch, and are now under the guise of gaining trust with the Alpha Kids. UU might use her trusted position to tell them that the Beta Trolls are enemies that they need to defeat. What's more is that UU's session could have more than just her "Brother", and include several other trolls who were killed by the Betas.
  • Seemingly Jossed. They apparently exist in a universe many iterations of Sburb down the line from the Alpha Universe

UU's "brother" is the MSPA Reader.
In keeping with the idea that UU Represents the fandom, she could represent the Hivebent fandom, specifically, which is why she has "different colored blood" than her "brother". He, on the other hand, represents the Kid/Miscellaneous fandom, and winds up on Derse thanks to his suicidal tendencies. why suicidal? Take a look at this. It also keeps with their brother/sister theme, with both representing an aspect of the fandom.
  • Jossed. He's the anti-fans of Homestuck.

UU's 'brother' is the "Let me tell you about HOMESTUCK" meme guy
He's only playing because he has to, he was tricked, or he's trying to be a good brother and playing along with his deluded fangirl sister.
  • Jossed

The U session spawns the pre-scratch Trolls
It's specifically said (albeit by Doc Scratch) that one of the reasons for the pre-scratch Troll's failure is that they were spawned in a session separate to their own. UU and uu make their own session, meaning they would be apart from all others known. While it's said that, yes, Lord English does make this happen through "a subtle glitch", but it's very possible this is exactly how this glitch manifests.
  • Given Rose's exposition about the Scratch, this does not seem to be the case.

uranianUmbra is the pre-scratch Karkat.
  • Think about it, if Karkat wasn't a mutant his blood would've been a lime green, the same colour shown on UU's rod. All pre-scratch trolls seem to be inversions of their post-scratch selves, and so the grumpy Karkat becomes the overly nice UU. Exept that UU's female. eh.
    • Jossed as UU's horns have already been shown to not match the Sufferer's.

uu has indigo blood.
There was something about the way he started babbling about Lil Cal and juju. It sounded like something Gamzee might talk about.
  • Based on his symbol, he seems to have candy red for additional connections to Karkat.
  • Jossed by UU, he has candy red blood.

uranianUmbra is Karkat's descendant
According to the character sheet, UU swaps the 6's in Karkat's typing color for 9's, in terms of hex codes; the two are also similar-but-different in their approach to those they talk to (Jane and Jake for UU, Jade and John for CG). UU also mentions that she wants to know who her ancestor is, paralleling Karkat, who is not sure he even has an ancestor. If the trolls and the humans get into Universe C (following UU's name scheme), and Jane uses her stuff to recreate the matriorb, there could be trolls living in Universe C and playing Sgrub there. UU would then be a player in that session (the Hero of Space, probably, since she is awake early on Prospit, like Kanaya and Jade, without the trauma that awoke Terezi-hmm...). Her prospit-knowledge (or maybe something else) would tell her about what happened in the past, and what she has to do to help make herself happen.
  • JOSSED.

UU will be a Hero of Doom.
Given the current dead/not dead state of Sollux, the Heart and Void titles may not be the only titles that are unaccounted for. Since (according to her chatlog), UU is also playing the game (whether in the pre-scratch troll session or a different session entirely), she may end up filling in the empty title slot. It would also be incredibly ironic for her to get the "Doom" title, given her optimistic persona.
  • Or appropriate, given the "she's actually a villain" theories.
    • Or appropriate if heroic because, as Kanaya said, the game likes to challenge people to grow in new directions. We also don't know what "doom" powers are other than maybe Sollux's ability to hear the soon-to-be dead, but they might not be all that bad since they're meant to belong to a hero.
      • Or appropriate if she has lime-green blood, a la the color of The Felt members and Lord English. Especially if there is a deeper connection there.
    • Or it could be using doom in the original destiny/fate sense, which fits her thematically. Remember her constant warnings of casual spoilers and not wanting to change things?
  • Going along with this, UU will be a hero of doom, while uu will be a hero of Rage.
  • According to standard session rules, in a two player session, one will be a Hero of Space and one will be a Hero of Time. The only apparent loophole is if UU and uu are in fact the same person, in which case they might simply be a single Hero of Doom, as Sollux also displayed duality.
    • Also, if you think about it, all of the other trolls had unique aspects, separate from one another (ignoring those who are Scratch counterparts). But Sollux was the Gemini troll- there's a precedent for two trolls to share his aspect!
  • Jossed. UU is the Muse of Space.

UU will be a Hero of Life.
The overt symbolic connection between her pseudo-caduceus symbol / her horns and a DNA double-helix / the wavy tendril of the Life symbol make this one a good fit too.
  • Jossed. Muse of Space.

Either UU or uu will be a Hero of Rage.
Gamzee had to reach God Tier somehow. He probably died on one of their quest beds.
  • The most logical explanations are a) that's not Gamzee (somehow), b) he's somehow wearing the God Tier outfit without actually going god-tier, or c) there's a third, as-yet-unrevealed way to go god tier.
  • Jossed.

UU is Calmasis, and is a son or grandson of Skaia, or something similar
AH in Troll makeup Calmasis UU's sleaves My guess is that UU is the same race AH and Charles s Dutton are (mentioned on the wiki as the son and respectively grandson of Skaia), and posesses similar traits. Also Calmasis is an 8 letter word (same as with the ancestors), while Andrew Hussie is 6/6 (just like regular trolls). Predicant Scholar is 9/7 and sounds a lot like a Prospitian/Dersite name. I have no idea if this is significant in any way whatsoever.
  • Going with the previous guess, this could imply that UU is somehow related to the MSPA Reader who may or may not be the brother she was talking about.
  • Oh for the love of... 20 bucks say he's reading this.
  • Jossed with the revelation of UU's species.

UU's class is the Sylph.
All of the titles revealed so far in the Alpha version of the universe had only one representative prior to the Scratch. Keeping with this, it's most likely that the classes that are going to be used in the future are the Bard, Mage, Thief or Sylph. UU already stated that her class is exclusive to females in her conversation with Roxy, and that the Thief is strongly inclined to go to females but not exclusively so. Since we have a male Mage and Bard, going by the process of elimination by far the most likely class for UU to have is the Sylph.
  • Additionally, her aspect is either Rage, Doom, Blood, and Mind, all of which have only had one representative so far.
    • 2 player session implies Time or Space.
      • Unless UU and uu are actually the same person. A one-player session has not been discussed, but could very well mean Doom rather than Space.
      • Or neither of them are actually Heroes of Space or Time. The four Alpha kids didn't get either, likely because their session knows that they will be joined by other Heroes of Time and Space shortly. This makes it likely that UU and uu fall in the pool of Blood, Rage, Mind and Doom.
      • The Alpha Session is unique.
    • She's the Muse of Space

This is stupid.
I know it's very likely that Hussie is just trolling, but what if he really is UU, while uu is Spades Slick? Just think about uu's icon (a black U with a red wavy line over it). Reminds me a lot of that one time he cut his hand. Plus he currently has a mechanical red eye, while the rest of his body is black and dark gray. Not to mention he's linked to Derse, and his chumhandle contains the word "undying". Slick DOES have some trouble dying, considering all the stuff he survived.
  • I was thinking about adding a theory "UU is Ms. Paint, and uu is the MSPA Reader" but I think there was already a "uu=MSPA Reader" theory out there at the time.
  • Jossed.

UU and uu are from the A1 universe in some fashion.
My sole reason for this guess is the newest album, coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A. In the title, the letters in the "coloUrs" and "mayhem" are all 12 previously shown troll blood colors (i.e. Karkat's red but not the missing lime blood) and one gray U. 7+6 letters. The prominent gray U may be a signal that UU and uu are somehow tied to the A1 session (during or after the A1 session).
  • Don't you mean A2?
    • Nope, I mean A1, as in Meenah & Aranea's universe. All trolls in A2 were killed by the Vast Glub before the universe itself was destroyed, and since Sollux is the originator of SGRUB in A2 and only sent it to his friends, no one else could have played it.
      It's ambiguous whether or not a Scratch rewrites a session's originating universe or spawns a new one. (If multiple sessions from the same universe scratched, what would happen?) UU calls them different instances. This may mean that trolls on other planets in the same universe could play if creating A2 doesn't destroy A1 — just the SBURB session that triggered the process.
  • Jossed if UU is to be trusted. She outright states they're from a universe not remotely connected to the chain of A1->B2 sessions.
  • Truly Jossed

UU will either be a Doom or Rage player, while uu will either be Mind or Blood
That is, if he's a separate being from uu. "Undying" could involve the Doom Aspect, while Umbrage could represent the Rage Aspect. uu is most likely a Blood player, as she shares Karkat's passion for Troll Romance. Many of the characters' personalities and hobbies have somehow influenced or represented their abilites later in the game. Also, these four Aspects are the only ones that haven't been used for more than once character. Also, I left the room for a bit, and when I came back, the Edit Lock timer was at 4:13. This is a sign.
  • Got the genders/tags mixed up there?
    • Jossed by the mechanics of the game; the two of them are the only players in their session, so therefore they must be Time and Space, which are required for every Session, including unsuccessful ones.
      • I mean, Skaia knew that the Alpha session would be joined by the Beta session, so who's to say they HAVE to be Time and Space?
      • Word of God is that those are the only two necessary elements. The Alpha Session's mythology has made it completely apparent at every stage of the information given about it that it has eight players, whereas the UU session is said to only have two. If their session was going to be added to in some fashion, it would be apparent. Besides, the Alpha Session is essentially unique, as it took a ridiculously specific set of circumstances to get the Beta Kids to the Alpha Session.
    • The sole exception is if UU and uu are a single individual, in which case they might be a Hero of Doom, however that is a separate WMG already covered above.
  • All of the above is Jossed. They are the Space & Time players after all.

uu's name is English
Yes, ''the'' English. LE's time shenanigans are infamous and uu is a hero of time, possibly a Lord (see above).
  • Jossed. We have been told by Doc Scratch that English is not his true name.
Which means...

uu is a human.
That candy red blood is no mutation.
  • UU's lime green blood is a variation of that avocado-green blood that showed up in CSI (which also had an episode that featured a dude with chimera-ism, though no split personalities that I recall) - every time the uu personality goes to sleep it causes the release of chemicals that turn UU's blood green.
    • Eh, that notion runs into too many problems. Ironically enough, one of them is the biggest clue yet pointing towards the split-personality theory, just because of how long it would take them to go through the game. Also, during uu's first conversation with Dirk his personality, according to a previous WMG, started to give way to UU's - shouldn't it be the other way around?

UU is a green-blooded troll.
There's a case for her being either one of the yet unseen limeblood caste, or a uranium-green mutant. The latter would reflect Karkat's candy red through the post-Scratch world's red/green swap, while the former is a likely source of her "Limey" Commonwealth dialect.
  • I personally prefer the idea of UU being black-blooded. It's the only troll blood color we know exists that we haven't seen in a kid yet. That way we can say (s)he's the descendant/ancestor of (some version of) His Honorable Tyranny, or whatever class he would be the lusus for.
    • That assumes that His Honorable Tyranny is a troll, which I think is pretty unlikely given his size, chitinous appearance, and strange-looking head. He's probably just an intelligent monster.
      • Word of God is that he's just some big lobster monster, and not any sort of troll or lusus. Having blood off the hemospectrum entirely was Hussie's way of showing this.
    • If there's more of UU's kind they'll all have eye-shatteringly bright (acid?) blood. Additionally, all the other "cheers" have pastel-colored, sorry, coloUred blood because they're the opposite of the trolls.
    • Not only is His Honorable Tyranny not a troll, but we have Word of God that lime is the only one not accounted for so far, having been seen on the walls of the Grand Highblood's room.note note  Note that UU's caduceus symbol is lime-coloUred.
  • Assuming UU isn't lying, this WMG is confirmed.
    • She was lying by omission - she never actually called herself a troll. She may still have green blood, but she most definitely isn't a troll. Jossed.

Either UU or uu is a mutant paradox clone/descendant/ancestor of the other.
According to the chart on this page, paradox babies are sent to various points in time in pairs. If UU and uu are only playing a 2-player session, then they must be clones of each other. It would also explain why UU refers to uu as a sibling.
  • Furthermore, the Pre-Scratch troll players were a primarily (if the Pisces troll is any indication) peaceful race while the Post-Scratch troll players were extremely violent and murderous (except for Feferi, Tavros, and Gamzee when he was high). It's not a stretch to say their ancestors are polar opposites of their descendants, and when you look at the cheerful and supportive UU versus her angry and violent sibling...
    • Jossed via misunderstanding. Ectobabies are always made in pairs, even trolls, and double the number of players are produced. The UU session, having 2 players, would have 4 babies, and the two who aren't UU and uu would be their Ancestors / Biological parents. However, it could be a desynchronized session, in that one player comes from the past and the other from the future, in which case one might be the genetic parent of the other.

undyingUmbrage is a cyborg.
Here's my theory if Slick isn't uu. Since Hussie is dressed up as UU, then Slick may be (unwillingly) dressed up as uu. As the above contributor mentioned, Slick has a black & grey theme with a red eye. Maybe uu does too.
  • Pretty damn close to Jossed, including the underlying assumption.
  • Sharing the same body, this is pretty much irrelevant now.
  • Oddly enough, He wasn't a cyborg when this was posted, but now is.

Various UU Troll Theories
  • UU is somehow connected to THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD. Look at those horns. Sure, slightly more wavy, BUT LOOK AT DEM CURVES http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=006465
    • Confirmed: The Grand Highblood's post-scratch self, Kurloz Makara, is conspiring with undyingumbrage (Caliborn, or Lord English).
  • UU is the Troll Empress. Andrew said it himself that out of the trolls that would most likely survive the Vast Glub, Feferi and the Troll Empress would on account of their blood colour. And since there are no other trolls left besides the 12 we already know....
    • Jossed because the Empress is Ancestor and therefore shares the Pisces sign with her.
  • UU stands for "umbralUltimatum". That track in Volume 6? A hint to the trolltag UU would use.
    • It should be mentioned that "Umbral Ultimatum" is a remix of (among other things) "Unbreakable Union", which was the music played for Jade's strife with Bec. So it's possible the UU troll is connected to Jade or Bec in some fashion; and would likely be Jade's (adopted) grandson.
  • UU would look a lot like Rose, as Kanaya had envisioned her to be. The horns on her head look a lot like snake fangs.
    • Too similar to Feferi... perhaps if one horn was like a fang and the other had two small points at the end, like the forked tongue of a reptile?
    • Jossed. Her horns look like corkscrews (or at least very wavy), like the snakes on the rod of Asclepsius.
  • If Kanaya doesn't find a way to restore the matriorb, UU will have a convenient way of restoring the Troll race.
  • UU is Jade's Grandson. Unless his parents were double first cousins, it's a bit out there to assume he's completely human, and it's been confirmed that trolls and humans can have kids via ectobiology.
    • Unless UU is a reincarnation of Karkat, set to appear after her dies, like in the virus he programs shortly after we meet him (see above). If it appears as a baby, perhaps Jade or her kids adopt it. It would still be a troll...
    • Jossed. Jade's Grandson is Jake English.
  • UU is Troll Rose (since UU can be a replacement for TT). Much like Ophiuchus/Serpentarius himself, she is acknowledged by a minority (i.e. Kanaya) but not part of the official group of trolls; to the majority (the other eleven), she doesn't even exist.
  • UU was a regular troll who was outside of the group and died within the meteors. Because sometimes, the simplest answer is the best one.
  • Jossed by UU's actual introduction. She is not any of these things. See separate WMGs for speculation on her identity.

    Betty Crocker/Her Imperious Condescension 

The other planets in Betty Crocker's "multi-global empire" are the planets Jade brought from the Beta session.
Assuming the Kids ended up on Alpha Earth, Jade probably put the planets somewhere nearby, and Alpha Earth discovered and colonized them.
  • Did you see the opening flash? There clearly aren't planets. Moreover, Jade's plan is to go to the session, not Earth. What's more likely is that the Empress and/or the new First Guardian manipulated Humans to go to space.
  • I have a feeling 'multi-global' just refers to the fact that the Betty Crocker empire exists on Beta Earth and Alternia as well as Alpha Earth.
    • Jossed: It actually just refers to the Mars colony.

On Alpha Earth, Betty Crocker is Feferi.
It's been suggested that Betty Crocker is The Condesce, and a Scratch appears to cause the heroes and ancestors to switch places. Maybe that's why Jane Crocker is such a Betty Crocker fangirl, while Nanna had nothing but contempt for The Batterwitch?
  • Unlikely; Betty Crocker disappeared suddenly on Beta Earth, so it just makes more logical sense for her to be on Alpha Earth than for Feferi to have come back to life somehow.
    • Not back to life — the adult Feferi from the pre-Scratch troll universe is a separate person.
  • It made more sense before we started to get an idea that Alpha!BC is pretty sinister too, given the subliminal messages in her ads.note 
  • Jossed: She's the Empress.

Post-scratch Earth is Pre-Scratch Alternia.
Upon wiping out all the humans, the Condesce, having already realized the anguish of losing her species once, turns her new troll society into a peaceful land where all their dreams may come true. Unfortunately, she's didn't account for the planet to get another chance to play S Burb, which will be English's punishment for her abandoning her mission to destroy that universe.
  • Jossed via mistaken assumption: Word of God directly stated that Pre-Scratch Alternia was created by a 48 player session of unknown species. However, the players of that session didn't originate from it, and possibly came from the Condesce's Earth. The mystery Pisces Troll in particular seems to hail from a place that looks strikingly similar to a flooded city.
    • Nothing for the formspring is canon unless confirmed in the comic, especially stuff from ages before it is pertinent.
      • Andrew has mentioned this on the MSPA Forums, Tumblr, Formspring, and directly in comic with Karkat referring to the 48 zodiac symbols of Alternia, which Word of God also says are the subconscious echoes of memories of the players who created the universe. It is canon. Besides, a lot of stuff from Formspring is canon; Andrew is a Teasing Creator yes but his statements can be pretty reliably trusted.

The Condesce (Feferi's ancestor) was as nice as Feferi.
  • She was unable to reform the trolls' Evil Empire because she was a puppet empress isolated from reality by her advisors.
    • Where did this name come from? I thought she was just The Empress. Also she's the one who casually planned to murder Feferi and propelled troll society to become a murderous galactic empire in the span of roughly a century so....
    • JOSSED. Though it is possible that pre!scratch Feferi Ancestor was nice.
      • She seems to have shown up too and wow is she creepy.

Betty Crocker is a First Guardian.
Barring any unexpected additions to the plot, this is the most likely explanation for her not being human and still being alive prior to the Kids' session. It also helps to explain her ubiquitousness.

    UNSORTED 

Act 6 will be devoted to the Alpha Session. Act 7 will be about Lord English.
The Homestuck Disc Portfolio depicts a series of dots representing the Acts. Four red dots for Acts 1-4, a blue dot followed by a red dot for Act 5 Acts 1 & 2, a green dots for Act 6, and a white dot for Act 7. We already know that red represents the Beta session, blue the Trolls' session, and green the Alpha session. Since there is only one green dot, it seems that the Alpha session's story will be resolved in one Act. White is something outside those three universes, or possibly a combination of all three. Since Lord English exists in multiple universes, Act 7 is most likely centered around him. Plus, since he's the Big Bad, it only makes sense for the final act to feature him.
  • Jossed; Word of God is that Act 7 is going to be the Epilogue.
    • Not jossed, it could be about the final fate of Lord English, a sort of "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue. Alternatively, perhaps Act 7 will give us a proper introduction to UU, if her universe is the result of both groups of kids and the trolls working together (see immediately below)?
      • The idea of Act 7 being about the final battle against Lord English though is Jossed.

The 'three years' thing is setting up for an event on 4/13/2012.
Specifically, the arrival of John and Jade in the Alpha Session. This is because their adventure began on April 13, 2009. Three years later means 2012. From our perspective, their journey will have only taken a few months. Additionally, all the other characters will also advance in age three years besides Alpha session characters, who will only advance a few months. This means that John and Jane will be sixteen on the dot, while the rest of the human kids will have been sixteen for a few months, and the trolls will be well into their seventh sweep. Adding on to this, the adventure will end on 10/25/2012.
  • We're two days away as I type this and just completed an intermission that chronicled the kids' first year. Barring a time skip, this is looking jossed.
    • Jossed.

It will take half the entire run of Homestuck to defeat the ultimate enemy.
Taking a guess that this character will be Lord English, then this will follow Problem Sleuth. It took half of that adventure to defeat DMK, right? And look at the parallels between DMK and Lord English:
  • The Vessel: Chicago Overcoat vs. Cairo Overcoat.
  • Both are demons.
  • Both characters are the reason that the main characters are stuck in their home or office.
Lord English's powers may also allow him to create an ultra-massive black hole... Now, if the enemy is Bec Noir:
  • The alternate version of Bec Noir is Spades Slick, leader of a notorious gang. The non-imaginary counterpart of DMK is... Mobster Kingpin.
  • Also both demons.
  • Bec Noir has space-altering First Guardian powers. DMK eventually combined with BHMK.
The second option might work better, as prototyped PM gets the look of SEPULCHRITUDE!!! and she may be the end of Bec Noir.
  • Jossed by Andrew; Act 6 will be as long as Act 5 more or less and Act 7 will be as long as Act 1 more or less.

Aradia and Sollux's upcoming encounter with Jack will be a musical Flash file.
...which will end with the words "Happy New Year."
  • Might be a flash but Jossed on the new year dealie.
  • By all appearances, we're not going to get that encounter at all.
    • And p. much Jossed by Aradia being killed off panel.

As compensation for losing their roles as players, post-Scratch ancestors get to be awesome.
All of the Troll Ancestors were powerful, influential, or memorable in some way (though some were also miserable). And the Kids' Alpha Session counterparts were all incredibly successful (except for Jade, who could have been, but instead chose to fight the Evil Empire).
  • Alternatively, experience carries over from before the Scratch. The original Trolls almost completed the game, and the Kids all reached God Tier before or during the Scratch, so they would start at high levels in their new lives as ancestors. This could also be why the Trolls and Alpha Kids seemed to start out more powerful than the original Kids.
    • Jossed: They're all dead.

Skaian portals are able to send objects trans-Scratch
Right here: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/scratch.php?s=6&p=005953 , mostly in the third and fourth paragraphs. All 48 trolls and ancestors were birthed in the post-scratch session. Not only that, but such an event occurring is the "calling card" for Lord English's arrival in the post-scratch session. Since Lord English is implied to have conquered multiple sessions, this must happen fairly often. Thus, it is possible, plausible, and basically confirmed, that a post-scratch session's ectobiology session can send paradox clones back to a pre-scratch session, and from there it is not much of a leap to determine that a pre-scratch session would be able to send stuff to a post-scratch session. I mean, if Jake can sit there warping pumpkins from other sessions all day, I'm sure skaia could do it without blinking.
  • Jossed at least partially via several mistaken assumptions: Karkat said he only made 24 grubs and English's calling card is specifically that players were not created in their session, which doesn't specifically mean they were made in another session. Likewise, there's been no indication Skaia can transport things across universes; it seems to be limited to the Exile's terminals and whatever process Jake and Jade are using, which is probably similar given their tech comes from the Medium.
    • And Jossed via Rose's exposition. In the Human sessions, and presumably the Troll ones, only 8 babies were made. However, they were sent to two points in time, and the resulting differences created an alternate universe. From Skaia's perspective, the two sessions aren't cause and effect, but simply two alternative paths.

John's Ectobiology Session sent those children into the Alpha Session
In summary here, to be clearer: Dave bought a bunny. He gave it to John. John gave it to Baby Mother (alpha) Lalonde. Mother Lalonde gives it to Roxy, who dresses it up like a wizard and gives it to Jane Crocker. Jane gives it to Baby Rose. Baby Rose fixes it up a bit and gives it to John. John gives it to Baby Grandma English. Grandma English gives it to Jake, who dresses it up like Indy and gives it to Jane. Jane gives it to Baby Jade. Jade transmaterializes it to Jake, who cyborgifies it and sends it back. And so on. Dirk steals the Alpha Bunny and put it into a nigh-indestructible robot shell, in which it stays safe from time shenanigans. John and Poppop are both sent back with copies of Sassacre. Brother (alpha) Strider is sent with Maplehoof, and breeds it/alchemizes it to make a tiny Maplehoof for some reason. As far as I can tell, he has a CAPTCH Aroid and an alchemiter, in order to make the Autoresponder. Dave is sent back with Tiny Maplehoof. Dirk is sent back with Lil' Cal, and so is Bro.
  • Jossed: We outright saw John make only 8 children, and the Alpha and Beta bunnies have been confirmed to be completely different. We also saw that meteors from Skaia's green portals went to Earth at various points in time, so again, there is no indication the Beta Ectobabies went to the Alpha Universe.
    • The jossing logic was flawed, but the conclusion was correct. Only 8 children were made, but they were sent to alternative points in time.

While classes cannot be repeated within an individual session, a successful 12-element session can have repeats
While each element does something distinctly different, the different classes don't have all that much effect on the abilities. Having two witches instead of a witch and a sylph probably wouldn't cause any problems anywhere. And my whole pairs shenanigans (see the Wall of Text above) falls apart if Jane has been confirmed to be Maid of Life. I was previously unaware that that had been actually confirmed. As it stands in the comic, ignoring Word of God, it could still just be trolling on Hussie's part. If I recall correctly, Hussie has, in fact, trolled the readership once or twice? So classes just end up randomly distributed. This still leads to the four-alpha-kids, four-beta-kids, three-trolls, and one-awkard-slot-left-over-for-Doom situation above. Only now I can't peg the last slot as Page, which cuts at the evidence for Dave Sprite as the last player. He's still pretty doomed though.
  • Jossed: No title ever repeats in a session, and they all have meaning. The difference between a Witch and a Slyph has yet to be explained, but is seemingly very significant.

The Horrorterrors are
Players from previous sessions who migrated into the created Universes upon completing their game of SBURB. Their alien geometries are a side effect of their Godhoods and the twisted laws of the Furthest Ring. Alternatively, they are players from Failed Sessions, banished beyond reality as their Incinisphere deteriorates.
  • This doesn't even make sense, there's nothing in canon to support it.
  • Well, thanks for that judgement. It is a pretty wild Mass Guess, but still, it's a pretty cool idea.
    • Doesn't seem to be the case as of later canon. The Trolls and half of the kids seem to be hanging out in the Furthest Ring with no serious repercussions.
      • Throwing under Jossed because there's loads of evidence against it and nothing for it. The Wild doesn't have to be literal you know! There's a fine line between throwing out a silly theory and suggesting something that's so unlikely it's kinda dumb.

The "Years Later" is three years later
Three years, of course, being the time for the protagonists of acts 1-5 to get there.
  • It's probably more on the order of 11 given the Arc Number. The use of "But not many" seems to be misleading as well; Dirk refers to Jake and Jane's contemporary culture as ancient history, so it could be as much as 1111 years in the future.
    • Unlikely. Roxy and Dirk still refer to their dead guardians as "Mom" and "Bro". If their guardians really were THAT FAR in the past, I'd imagine they'd use more distant terminology.
    • It is 413-ish. Original WMG Jossed.

The new trolls that have been repeatedly speculated at will colonize Alpha Earth.
Betty Crocker/the Condesce is clearly working to remake Earth in her own race's image (or at least, her own spot on the hemospectrum). It could be a suitable place for the recreated trolls to find a home. More radically, this could be home to uranianUmbra and undyingUmbrage; UU has said some things that suggest otherwise, but it explains the similarity between her and Calmasis.
  • Jossed directly by Dirk.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WMG/HomestuckJossedThree