WMG / Homestuck Jossed Three

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In the combined session mentioned above, the Kids and the Trolls will be competing with each other.
Vriska says here that they were split up into two teams so that they'd compete against each other, and the reason they failed was because they worked together. A different species would make a better enemy than other Trolls, and if Karkat doesn't have his memories from the original timeline, he wouldn't want to work with the Kids anyway. It'd probably be good for the Kids too, since we've seen how they excel under pressure and the Trolls can't possibly be worse than Jack Noir.
  • Altenatively, it'll be the Kids, Trolls, the Exile, Jack Noir and the inhabitants of Derse and Prospit vs. the Felt, D c Scratch and L[]rd English. And it'll be awesome.
    • There'd be no reason to, as in the new universe Trolls would have grown up on the relative paradise planet of Earth. With therapists.
      • And that would be like eight more chapters which at this point is a genuinely horrifying prospect.

The Trolls will be able to repopulate despite the death of the Matriorb because...
  • The post-Scratch version of Jade/Jake's island has been shown to have Lusi Naturae, (I mean, FRIGHTENING FAUNA), which could theoretically include a Mother Grub.
    • Any Mother Grub that isn't tended by trolls tends to die when alone, such as Kanaya's demonstrated, thus Jossed.

The five surviving Trolls will be the new session's Exiles
This makes sense because in the other Sessions there were five Exiles. Plus, the Trolls are effectively the only ones left alive from their universe.
  • Plus, there appear to be gray hands in this page.
  • Besides, how else would the main characters react with the Post-Scratch session?
    • By going to the session like they outright said they would. She mentions multiple parents... hmmm...
    • Second theory is jossed. It's a new troll entirely, UU.
      • No it isn't; Exile terminals don't work that way.
  • Jossed: Only 4 Trolls go to the Alpha Session, and Kanaya is attempting to murder Gamzee.

Trolls, or at least some kind of alien, exist in the post-Scratch universe
Besides the implications that Betty Crocker is the Troll Empress, there's the statement about Jane being the only one of her kind to play the Sburb Alpha. It could be a Fantastic Caste System, but it could also be aliens. (It could also be both, and whatever Jane's kind is, it's on the bottom with the exception of her.)
  • Given the importance of "2x3 Day", it's probably The Condesce and the trolls.
    • Or just the Condesce and whomever the 13th troll is. Jane is most likely just a bit of a snob.
      • Jossed: More time on Alpha Earth has shown that excepting the Condesce, there are no aliens.
      • Un-Jossed (at least partially) by [S] Jane: Enter.
      • Re-Jossed by Dirk's account.

Some random, previously mentioned character will end up being a ???? of Doom for the Alpha Session.
Just some candidates: Fedora Freak, Uranian Umbra, Dave Sprite, Comb Titan (Fedora Freak's cousin/guardeeinthebetasession/guardianinthealphasession). Dave Sprite is from a doomed timeline, Uranian Umbra could easily cause some doom, if it's NOT Fedora Freak, he's doomed to obscurity, and Comb Titan would be doomed to nonexistence.
  • UU is in her own session, and the Alpha Session's mythology has heavily suggested there are only 8 players. Nothing to suggest otherwise has even been hinted at. Besides there are 4 elements not used in the Alpha Session, and Doom is merely one of them. No need for them to show up.
    • The Alpha session's mythology doesn't seem to account for the incoming trolls, only knowing that there will be 8 player planets.
  • All joking aside, Jossed.

Alpha(scratched) session is already doomed
Somewhat twisted logic, so step by step process follows.
  • 1. Jade makes tadpole universal frog and places it inside an 8-ball for safe keeping.
  • 2. Said 8-ball falls into volcano.
  • 3. A small leap in reasoning leads to the frog little jade recovers in the past being the same frog that she would later create in the future.
    • So the key to making a universe frog stable is combining it with itself, honestly not that much weirder than anything else so far.
  • 4. Alpha session's sun and the frog are the same color (assuming blinding white light is still considered a color)
  • 5. Bec zaps said frog to death for no appearent reason, which in turn dooms Alpha session's universe.
    • Also this means that three different universes have been destroyed by the power of a Guardian (seriously is that a joke title or what?)
      • Bec killed the white frog so as to interfere with its personal timeline. By doing so, he ensured its causal entanglement, ensuring that it would not be appearified but paradox slimified instead, thus allowing for the creation of the Genesis frog. This still leaves the question of where the white frog was sendificated from, however.

  • The frog Jade found is not the Genesis Frog. The frog Jade made is also not the Genesis Frog (yet); that has to apparently be placed in the final version of Skaia and since Skaia no longer exists. Said small leap in reasoning makes no logical sense at all. Also the sun is the same color; it's called artistic effect, much like how the Troll's sun really isn't a giant heat vortex like it was shown when it blinded Terezi.
    • At any rate it is still doomed, but because it's the product of a faulty universe more than anything listed above.
      • Sburb exists in the universe, therefore the universe is doomed by default.
      • I thought Sburb just dooms a planet, not a whole universe.
      • Sburb means English gets into a Universe which means it ultimately is destroyed. In the only known session where he wasn't able to enter, that is true that only Alternia was destroyed, but the Scratch brought him into it.
      • After rereading the comic very recently, I can say with certainty that it is never said that Sburb's existence = Lord English's existence. The only mention of the conditions for which universes he picks is a glitch in the game where the players are not ectobiologically created in their own session.
      • That condition doesn't apply to any session at all actually. The glitch that hampered the first Troll Session is completely unknown as of yet, the fact that they weren't created in their own session is a symptom more than anything else. At any rate, the WMG is Jossed, due to the existence of GCat it can be inferred that Lord English will be involved at some point given both sessions seen so far with First Guardians were doomed, albeit the Kid's Session indirectly, via Jack.
      • Wait, what? Didn't Karkat say every universe has a first guardian? Did the existence of Bec have anything whatsoever to do with Lord English?
      • Karkat doesn't know everything. Regardless, the one known iteration of Lord English was dependent on the First Guardian, and Jack Noir would not have existed in his current form were it not for Bec and English's machinations via Doc. So while there's not someone directly saying in comic that First Guardians serve English, it's pretty apparent that they do.
    • It's very likely that that tadpole will be the Genesis Frog, though. From the flash update where grimdark Rose looks through the castle:
    "Though we adore Him we shall never enjoy His beauteous Croak. We spill our blood on acres of black and white so they may cross the yellow yard. At last in Skaia's reflection through broken glass He may find the pond in which He's meant to squat."
    • Here "Skaia's reflection" probably means the Skaia of the Alpha session, and for him to "cross the yellow yard," he had to exist before then, so he's most likely the tadpole that fell into the Forge.
    • No, that flashy tadpole was the last one needed to complete the Genesis Frog genome, not the Genesis frog itself- the one she had to strike a deal with her Denizen to remember how to get. Also, he doesn't have to already exist to be able to cross the yellow yard- notice it says "so they may cross the yellow yard," referring to Jade and John (who will presumably help create a Genesis Frog in the Alpha session).
    • While your point about "they" being ambiguous is valid, that tadpole is clearly the genesis frog. Kanaya mentions that the tadpole for the Genesis Frog is considerably larger than a normal tadpole. The genesis tadpole is nearly half Jade's size. The penultimate frog you're thinking of looks quite different, lacking the weird filigree pattern and having very different eyes. The mystery of where that frog was sendificated from is still due to be solved.
    • Human babies certainly don't look like adults when they grow up! The tadpole seemingly will age to become B. Slick.
  • Rose's exposition Jossed this directly.

The Alpha session Exiles will be from the past, not the future. Or they will be from another planet entirely
This Session is screwed up already. Might as well make it more confusing.
  • No they're from the Session per normal rules though they aren't exiles. Jossed.

The Alpha session lotus time capsule thing goes backwards instead of forwards
If it goes forwards, it would drop most of the stuff out when it's all flooded. Instead, it goes backwards, so everything comes out in the past (but not many). So Jake goes through the capsule, goes back in time, and probably ends up finding out what happened to grandma and his house. Then one of the other characters in the future (Dirk?) would probably have to get a copy of SBURB into the capsule to get it to Jake, paralleling Jade getting Dave's copy. It would also explain partially why Jake needs to go into the frog temple at this exact time, and in the EOA6A2 flash, he was going down the elevator that goes to the time capsule. This would also make sense with the exiles being possibly in the past instead of the future.
  • Jossed.

The Beta Kids and the trolls will all but replace the Alpha Kids.
Consider: Jack Noir got to Prospit with little known trouble and killed both Prospit heroes. It's relatively safe to say he already killed the Derse dreamers before he went over to Prospit. One of the Alpha kids is very likely to be properly dead, because of exploding mailbox, and the other three are in for a difficult game because they won't have the extra life afforded by having a dreamself, and possibly can't ascend to the God Tiers. Some time after meeting the Beta kids and doing the things seen in EOA6I1, the Alpha kids are pretty much doomed.

On the other hand, there are eight replacement players on their way, of which at least four are already God Tier, including four planets and a second battlefield. To them, it'd be like a New Game+! Alpha Jack wouldn't know what hit him, leaving only Bec Noir to deal with.
  • As a note, I would say that he has not already killed the Derse dreamers. Upon killing Dream-Jane, the narration said 'Two down, two to go.'
  • Pretty much Jossed.

When the beta kids arrive in the alpha session, they won't arrive at the same time with respect to earth (time is complicated!)
Specifically, Dave, Rose, gC, cG, gA, tC, and WV will arrive in 2011 with Jake and Jane, and John and Jade will arrive in 2424, or whatever year it is, with Dirk and Roxy. This keeps the same sets of four, kind of, with half switched out for the other session's equivalent. John and Jade will probably arrive through one of Roxy's fenestrated planes. Dave and Rose were recently implying that they don't have any brakes on the meteor without Sollux, so all they can do is sail through the Alpha medium, crash into Skaia, and then Skaia sends them to go crash on something that needs crashing on, I don't know what. Maybe Jake's house? I guess it could go the other way, and John and Jade end up coming through the fenestrated plane that may or may not be the mystery object in Jake's inventory and Dave and Rose get to be a meteor that smashes into Dirk's or Roxy's houses, but they're already needing to leave fast to escape the Batterwitch.
  • The Kids aren't planning on going to Earth at all. While they can't exactly stop the meteor, there's nothing stopping the Kids and Trolls from jumping off it, and John and Jade have been heavily suggested to crash through a wall related to Jake. Roxy's portals are distinctly different than the fenestrated walls used by Jack and by proxy, Andrew and the Harleys, as they are linked to one location (The Furthest Ring), while the fenestrated walls can switch their viewpoint and link to another universe entirely. It seems that if anyone is going to Earth, it'll be John and Jade's group, and that's not even a sure thing.
  • Okay, so John and Jade come in through Jake's window, when he's probably still on Earth because he's probably entering last still. And then if Rose Seer-of-Light's that she and Dave should stay on the meteor and go through the Skaian defense portal and end up on Earth, I'd guess he'd probably listen. Not sure if all of the trolls would, but Dave probably. I'm not saying that this is the most likely thing to happen (putting the 'W' in WMG), but it's within the realm of possibility, doesn't contradict anything (I think), and explains (partially) why the Alpha kids would be stuck in two different time periods. Also because the Beta kids haven't actually seemed to have made any plans of how to meet up again.
    • Jade's got to place planets around somewhere and Dave has time powers. Seems to me that if the Beta Lands are there, then Dave can just do his time thing and find Jade and John pretty easily! Part of the problem with Dave and Rose entering via a meteor though is that they would have to fly down from the meteor, meet Dirk or Roxy, and enter that way, because Dirk and Roxy live very far apart with no (known anyways) landmarks to guide Rose and Dave from one place to the other, and Rose's Light powers might not grant enough guidance. Granted, Bro flew to meet Dave's meteor, but he's Bro.
    • Finally 'Jossed: Red Miles are beginning to appear above Future Earth, indicating it will be destroyed shortly.

Prospit and Derse will have, respectively, five and three towers.
Way back when Terezi and Vriska were writing Doc Scratch's code, Terezi's portion was five symbols in red while Vriska's was three symbols in blue. The red and blue teams were always associated with Prospit and Derse. So who's sleeping in the extra towers? Most likely Gamzee, Terezi, and Karkat on Prospit's side (with maybe Kanaya in Prospit's crypt, similar to Aradia), with Sollux on Derse. It'd be a good way to give the trolls a second chance at reaching god tier.
  • The Trolls are not considered to be part of the Alpha Session as far as we know; UU never mentioned them and the Frog Temple has only 8 lands for the Beta and Alpha Kids.
  • Jossed. Prospit and Derse have been show to have two dreamself towers each and no prototyping towers.

The kids and trolls will create a new universe together, with 12 players.
From the original human session, we have Heir of Breath, Seer of Light, Knight of Time, and Witch of Space. The new session has (probably) Maid of Life, Page of Hope, Lalonde as the hero of Void, and Strider as the hero of Heart. Finally, the four remaining trolls add the Knight of Blood, Seer of Mind, Bard of Rage, and Mage of Doom. This means that the other parts of Lalonde and Strider's titles will contain Thief, Rogue, Sylph, or Prince. Result: twelve player session with one of each mythological role, only with two of Knights and Seers, and lacking two of the four missing titles entirely.
  • The only problem of the theory would be how to get the trolls into God Tiers, what with their planets and Quest Beds having all been destroyed.
  • That and Aradia and Kanaya are alive while Sollux is dead.
    • Or just half dead, according to [1]
    • He looked fine in Cascade.
    • Up until the eyebleed...
    • Sollux still poses a problem, as he doesn't intend to come with Rose, Dave, and the other trolls to the alpha session.
  • Mom Lalonde's book series implies none of the trolls will survive the Alpha Session.
  • The points in the WMG itself have been Jossed. The mythos of the Alpha Session have been utterly devoid of any mention of the Trolls too.

Not only will the God-Tier Kids join the session, but due to unfortunate circumstances there will only be four Trolls left, and those four will also join the session, creating a 12-player session
There are currently 12 symbols/elements/whatever you want to call them (Breath, Light, Time, Space, etc). The God-Tier Kids, the Alpha Kids, and the remaining trolls will fill out each.
  • Meaning that Aradia and Kanaya will die (again) or otherwise be left behind before entry, but Sollux survived the flight to the Green Sun.
    • We also need to factor in the first part of their titles. Karkat can't be in because Dave is already a Knight; Terezi can't be in because Rose is already a Seer. Also, the terminal that Rose found way back in Act 3 had 8 planets. I find it unlikely that the session will include trolls.
  • It might be possible for UU to join the session somehow- that way there will be 13 kids from 4 different sessions. (Assuming UU isn't actually evil.)
  • Possibly Jossed, Sollux intends to stay behind with Aradia. Only way for this to work is for UU to replace him, or for Kanaya to somehow change aspect.
  • Jossed: The Trolls do not count as players from Sburb's perspective, as the entire mythology of the Alpha Session has been completely devoid of any mention of them. Moreover, Kanaya intends to kill Gamzee, and Mom Lalonde's book series implies the trolls will not survive the Alpha Session.

Since the God-Tier Kids were not created by the Alpha Session, they will not be bound by temporal inevitability there . . .
. . . and will finally be able to Screw Destiny.
  • Except that the Bunny is a pretty clear indicator that they aren't free of P-Space at all.
    • If UU is to be trusted, Jossed.

The current session will end because the Tumor detonates.
A.) The Condesce uses it because either Dirk and Roxy didn't prototype their kernelsprites, so she used it to beat Prospit. B.) Either LE or TC uses it to beat the other. Both scenarios could end the session.
  • Uh, the Post-Scratch session doesn't HAVE a Tumor. That was the whole point.
    • Well it would've had if the Battlefield didn't go and blow up.
      • No it wouldn'tve. The session was preordained to be a Void Session. There's no indication they would have a Tumor, even if the Battlefield had remained intact. There's no indication Tumors are an ordinary part of a normal Null Sessions either for that matter. Hussie's comments about the peculiarity of the Beta Human Session seems to indicate Tumors are abnormal.
      • Moreover, the Post-Scratch Session is destined to succeed due to the involvement of the Pre-Scratch Kids. The Tumor, even if it WASN'T an abnormality, would only show up in an impossible-to-win session, since it takes the place of the 'infinite creative potential' inside Skaia.

The current living players will join together into one unified session.
Combine the kids, the Alpha kids, and the six living trolls into one epic SBURB/SGRUB session. Each of the twelve known elements would be represented (the kids are Breath, Light, Time and Space, the Alpha kids are suspected to be Life, Hope, Heart and Void and the remaining trolls include Blood, Doom, Rage and Mind. Aradia and Kanaya would serve as extra heroes of Time/Space because they are two of the most crucial elements for the game's success). Also, there would then be fourteen players from three separate sessions playing together - yet another 413.
  • Trolls from the point of view of the game don't seemingly count, although the Beta Kids do.
    • Jossed unless Sollux changes his mind and rejoins Rose, Dave, and the other trolls.
      • Jossed
  • Partially confirmed at least with Jane & Jake outright stated to be the heroes of Hope & Life and with Dirk & Roxy heavily hinted to be the heroes of Heart & Void, respectively.

The God-Tier Kids are the "Ancestors" in the Alpha Session
Jake received his bunny from his Grandma, and we already know that he's Jade's grandson. A Scratch switches heroes and ancestors, so presumably when the God-Tier kids showed up, the universe saw no need to create new instances of the previous session's heroes and just dropped the ones they already had into the "ancestor" roles.
  • If this is true, a likely consequence would be that Jane (probably) will only clone four babies in the ectobiology lab (after scanning the God-Tier kids and mixing their genes), since the ancestors were already created in another session.
    • The Kids are going to the Session, not Earth. Moreover; Alpha John (and perhaps Jade) is seemingly dead on Earth and that makes no sense in light of his Immortality.
    • Jossed: All of the items (excepting the Sassacre tome) are in-universe duplicates, and the Guardians are unrelated to the four heroes of the beta session.
      • While it's extremely likely that Jane's "slightly abridged" copy of Sassacre's is a duplicate, it's too soon to completely close the door on everything else.
      • The Bunny is a repeat, the hat is a repeat, the Book is separate, Cal presumably is separate, and the rest of the items were things like pistols, and Mutie, which haven't been seen yet.

The Alpha-Earth is a Crapsaccharine World.
Look at Alternia, which went from being a loving, peaceful planet to, well... Alternia. Also, there are a few possible hints already; Jane, a 15 year-old girl, is not allowed to leave her own house? And is the heir to the empire run by a woman hinted to be either an Eldritch Abomination or a Rubber-Forehead Alien Empress bent on conquering the universe. She also mentions "dealing with the low income bucolic classes," implying a possible strong caste system similar to that of the trolls. Meanwhile, Adventure Archaeologist Jake English would "give your RIGHT LEG for a shot at desecrating THE SH*T out of some real life MYSTIC RUINS" (not too strange for a 15-year-old boy, but still noteworthy) as well as keeps guns around in piles and apparently deals with "FRIGHTENING FAUNA" on a semi-normal basis.
  • Jane was being overly poetic to refer to the fact that she's a bit of a rich snob. Also Jake lives completely alone; Jade had uranium all over the place which is arguably even more dangerous.
  • Betty Crocker advertisements have subliminal messages straight out of They Live. This isn't a Crapsaccharine World, this is a Villain World.
  • Also, the Mars Colony poster shows the Imperial Condesce's flagship in the sky above Mars.
    • Jossed: Pretty much everything we've seen so far shows that it may be a bit more crazy, but it's more or less the same. While propaganda is spewed by most of Crockercorp, who holds enough leverage to get Guy Fieri appointed Chief Justice, Strider and Lalonde's reactions show that most people are Genre Savvy enough to pick up that it is Obviously Evil.
      • We don't know at all what the general public thinks. All of the kids are poor examples of the average Joe, and it's pretty clear that Crockercorp controls the media.
      • This is even more the case after [S] Jane: Enter.

The God-Tier Kids will manipulate events from behind the scenes to ensure that the Alpha Kids' session goes smoothly
It seems like the best thing they could do at this point.
  • Jossed: They're going to outright meet up.

The style of speech that's popular switched along with the kids/ ancestors in the Alpha Session.
  • Both Jane and Jake use very outdated slang by our standards, but it would have been in vogue during the youths of their Beta counterparts, Nanna Egbert and Grandpa Harley.
    • Lalonde and Strider don't talk like that, though. Possibly jossed with Jake's admission that "Im not really abreast of the raddest jargon that the cool kids toss about these days. Maybe because i live alone on an island?"

The heroes of Time and Space who enter the Alpha Session will be Aradia and Kanaya.
This is based on very little evidence, but, hey, it says 'Wild Mass Guessing' at the top of the page. Possible evidence:
  • The fates of the kids are often deliberate reversals of their ancestors' fates (Mindfang kills Redglare, Dualscar kills the Dolorosa, Summoner fated to kill Mindfang, etc). Given that the Handmaid was apparently destined to be killed by the Condesce, and given how strongly it's been implied that Crocker is either the Condesce or is thematically linked to her, it'd be appropriate for Aradia to face off against her in the new universe.
  • Jane's recipe modus hinted at a possible way to create a new Matriorb (reverse-engineering Dad's hat), which would be a neat way for Kanaya to perpetuate the troll race despite Eridan's best efforts.
  • An obvious objection is that UU refers to the 'legendary octet of mutual progenitoriety'. One possible way around this might be that the trolls created the original Beta Session, which makes them 'progenitors' of the original kids and, by extension, the Alpha kids too. Admittedly, it seems likely that this is over thinking things, but you can never be quite sure with Homestuck.
    • "Mutual Progenitoriety" as in the eight that allowed for alpha session to happen? Well there are a number of ways that the four kids fit that definition as for the trolls. Karkat and Kanaya made the kids flawed universe, Gamzee ended up making the flaw but then who Aradia or Terezi have either of them influnced the creation of the alpha universe?
      • Mutual progenitoreity refers to how the Beta kids and the Alpha crew are respectively the each other's ectobiological parents.
      • And thus, presumably Dave and Jade will be the new session's Time and Space heroes.
  • Jossed as Aradia stays at the Green Sun.

Every session needs twelve players, one of each element.
Everyone agrees that every session needs a hero of Time, and a hero of Space. I believe Word of God confirms this. I just think all the other ten are necessary, too. It would certainly seem hard to make a Genesis Frog without any Blood, Breath, or Life. The Trolls' session, the only one we have seen (mostly) succeed is the Trolls', which had twelve players, one of each element. Hussie's joke session of 48 squiddles divides pretty evenly into 12 kiddles and twelve guardian squiddles in an alpha and a beta session, too. It also seems to be a rule that a battlefield must be fully leveled up to create a new session. The beta kids' battlefield has only leveled four times. The Trolls' leveled twelve times. Four is not enough, which is why the kids' session was "barren." Not enough kernels to level it up all the way. This could maybe be fixed by dropping extra Cruxtruders, I don't know.
  • Jossed on many levels: Andrew has confirmed via Word of God that a 48 player session created the Troll Universe, the Kid's session was barren not due to not having enough players, but because of flaws inherent in the Universe that produced the Tumor, and the Trolls do not count as players from the perspective of the Alpha Session, as they are not mentioned in it's mythology at all.

The kids will perform pre-entry prototyping, but it will not affect their own session's parts directly
Rather, it will alter the Rings and Battlefield that the Beta kids, Jack, and PM are bringing with them. Reason to suspect this, besides the lack of orbs on the Alpha ring we saw? In [S] Seer: Descend, there was a book that discussed the implications and potential consequences of adding more spheres to the Queen's ring, which goes on to tempt fate by commenting that this will never happen, as there are only 4 heroes.
  • That was just a comment on the Troll's session.
    • Maybe. Maybe not. Never count out a Chekhov's Gun in Homestuck.
  • So far Jossed for Jane. Three more to go.
    • Jossed by Rose.

There will be post-entry protoypings, and they will reflect the B1 Kids sprites except for Roxy
No-one said an empty kernel can't be prototyped after entry. Jane will probably self-prototype in some fashion, mimicking both Nannasprite and Jadesprite. Meanwhile, Jake will prototype an urn containing ashes of his dead grandmother and her dog Harley (as John is the stuffed corpse, its logical to assume Jade is the one cremated). The result is the ghost of Jake's grandma as a dog - again reflecting Nannasprite and Jadesprite. Dirk will definitely prototype the AR as Dirksprite, there's just too much Foreshadowing of that, and his Myth Arc is about a divided self. Finally, Roxy will be the combo-breaker - hers is the only text color that doesn't match a B1 Kid's sprite. This troper is guessing she'll prototype her Dream Self after entry, and then it will be prototyped with Mutie, or maybe even GCat. This will then affect her appearence when/if she goes God Tier.

As for why Roxy and Dirk won't try and revive their parents...
  • Jossed: Tavris didn't remotely reflect anything about Nannasprite.

The kids and the Trolls will meet face-to-face, and somehow manage to fix everything.
Thus, an entire new universe will be spawned, Lord English is defeated, and there are troll-human hybrids as well. Part of this WMG is because it seems entirely plausible, part is because I want to see a John and Karkat relationship, however improbable.
  • Also, Jade/Karkat and Dave/Terezi.
  • Technically speaking, Jade and Feferi have met face to face. Well, maybe only from Feferi's persepctive.
  • Kids and trolls have already met in dreambubbles yep. Also shipping, please keep off the WMG! Too much fighting.

    The Scratch 

The Scratch activates Mercy Mode.
Specifically, it targets the part of the game the players had the most trouble with. The pre-scratch trolls had the most trouble with combat, so the post-scratch trolls are Proud Warrior Race Guys. The pre-scratch kids had the most trouble with figuring out how the game works, so the post-scratch kids are already familiar with things like grist and the echeladder.
  • Seems to actually be inverted.
    • Scratches are done to make a game winnable; that does not necessarily entail making them easier. The Troll Sessions aren't comparable, as the difficulty of the Pre-Scratch Session is unknown, while the Human Sessions don't even face the same challenges, with the Pre-Scratch Session revolving more around combat, while the Post-Scratch Session as of yet has none.

The Scratch will produce a universe where humans are just as bloodthirsty as the trolls
Part of the reason why the trolls' ancestors couldn't finish the game was because they weren't made of hardy enough stuff, and part of the reason they agreed to cause the Scratch was to produce a reality where they would be. It's possible the scratch the kids cause will have the same effect, guided, as with the trolls, by the new universe's equivalent of Doc Scratch.
  • Except we saw John spawn his team and their respective ancestors so Lord English has not actually glitched up the kid's session at all, their session is barren but not doomed.
  • Troll session 2 was made specifically to do a better job than session 1. But the trolls have pretty much said that the kids are doing a better job playing the game than they did. Their time player is better (if body count and doomed timelines is the yardstick being used), the frog job isn't being rushed and they are actually paying attention to the lore and the riddles.
    • Assuming J is in fact from the rebooted human session (as is fairly likely) we already know this is Jossed. He mentions actors that we know and doesn't seem especially blood thirsty. Remember, the kids have done in a day what it took the Trolls nearly a month to do (make the Genesis Frog, reach the top of their echeladder, etc) so it seems that Humans are already way better at the game than Trolls.

When the scratch occurs, whomever was the time player is forced to become a minion of Lord English's.
  • Since Aradia was forced against her will to become the handimaid, and the scratch is technically a time based event, the time player could get left behind, for d0c scratch to recruit for English.
    • That was NOT Aradia.

The Alpha!Earth has evolved faster than Beta!Earth
If you take a look at the Jade's Island before and after the Scratch, there are some differences. The forest hasn't grown as far across the island, the Frog Temple looks a bit less weathered and the volcano is still active. I'm not sure if this will have any plot relevance, but it's there. It's possible the year is even 1431. The Condesce (or someone else) might've messed around with Earth the same way that Doc Scratch did with Alternia so that this happened.

The Alpha!Universe is actually a pre-scratch universe
The guardians always did seem a little too prepared in the Beta!Session. We've seen Mom, Dad, and Bro fighting off monsters way above the kids' levels back in Jack: Ascend, Bro training Dave since his youth, Mom accessing a secret lab containing Skaian technology, and Grandpa somehow getting into the game before it even started. For her part, Nannasprite also mentions that she knew about their ectobiological origins for years. Finally, consider Doc Scratch's exposition of pre-scratch Alternia, how the players had not been spawned in their session, which seems to be the case on Alpha!Earth. Ultimately, it's the Alpha!Session which scratches into the Beta!Universe, not the other way around, and the Beta!Universe scratches into a yet-unseen Gamma!Universe.
  • We outright saw the Kids cause the Scratch; if this theory is true then it's an infinite loop which is unlikely as hell.
    • It's already been established that the entire setting is a Timey-Wimey Ball, not to mention that Andrew has tossed RedHerrings at the audience before, so why exactly would it be outside the realm of possibility?
    • Infinite loop? Don't you mean a DOUBLE MOBIUS REACHAROUND?
    • This is also not the first time Earth's Sburb session has been scratched. Being a record, the Scratch keeps skipping back and forth between the Kids and Guardians sessions everytime changing something to help make a successful session. This could be the second, third, fourth or more than likely the 413th (and final) time it's been scratched. The Troll's scratched 1025 times before succeeding until Jack showed up. (Signing this for I Knew It purposes later, Pretzel Boy 11-21-11)
      • Well everyone can also see how Pretzel Boy is incorrect for 2 reasons: 1) The Trolls canonically created the Beta Universe so the Alpha Universe will not Scratch and 2) If UU is to be trusted, the Alpha Session results in victory, so the entire theory above is Jossed.
      • 1) There's nothing that says the trolls created the Beta timeline, only the kids' universe. 2) We don't quite know enough about UU to say we can trust him/her quite yet.
    • If infinite loops are your problem, then maybe I should direct you to the fact that the Beta!Session was scratched because of the presence of The Bunny/Liv Tyler, who was built in the Alpha!Timeline. If the Beta!Session scratched into the Alpha!Timeline, then that's an infinite loop right there!
  • Counterpoint to the WMG in it's premise: Nanna and the rest of the Guardians are completely different entities from the Alpha Kids. They're simply part of the Ancient Conspiracy or were informed of it by Betty Crocker. However, the idea that the Alpha session will Scratch into the Beta Session again, causing a loop, is impossible to confirm or deny, but comes off as rather silly since it would be stupid from a writing perspective, trapping the players in a cycle, and turning Homestuck into a Downer No Ending.
    • The theory does not assume there is an infinite scratch loop to begin with (that started with the initial joss attempt). The Signless had "memories" from his pre-scratch life even though he was a different entity; the idea that the guardians could have similar memories is plausible.
      • The theory does assume a loop in that the Guardians are remembering memories from a past session, meaning the Beta session we initially saw would have to be at least the third iteration of a human session, moreover Doc outright states that the Signless was an oddity, so his memories are probably a trait unique to him and him alone. Jossed anyways due to an oversight. The Alpha Session has no means of Scratching at all; none of the new players are Heroes of Time, and the Beat Mesa has already been used, so the Scratch cannot be carried out a second time.
      • As I'm the one who came up with the theory, I can confirm that the theory assumes that the Beta!Guardians, save Dad, would have memories from their Alpha!Iterations as players, just like the Troll ancestors were the players in their pre-scratch session. The theory makes presumptions about neither a Pre-Alpha iteration nor a scratch-loop, as you suggest.
      • Jossed, however, because the Beat Mesa issue is a totally valid counterpoint, as tardy as it is. Nothing to say about that unless some Weird Plot Shit comes up.
      • The problem is that the Alpha Session from the point of view of the Beta Session takes place in the future, and the idea that people could remember from the future is kinda silly, even considering weird time shit already taking place, so the more natural conclusion is the loop, thus the third iteration. The entire mythology of the Alpha and Beta sessions have been geared towards one following the other, so there's no indication of this unknown Gamma session. Besides, Alpha and Beta apply to basically the version of Sburb, and game testing typically never enters a Gamma testing phase (the term usually used is Open Beta).
      • Not sure what point you're trying to make when you've already jossed the theory with the Beat Mesa issue, but okay... What "future" are you talking about? The theory assumed the Alpha session came first, and the Alpha!Guardians (save Dad, who doesn't count anyway) are all older than their Beta counterparts. Remembering the future is not an issue for the theory. Thus, the loop issue is a hasty assumption more than anything else. As far as calling it a "Gamma" version, I got that off the Obvious Beta page, which indeed labels the late testing phase as either "Open Beta" or "Gamma," so moot point.
      • Replay / rewatch "[S] Seer: Descend". It makes it pretty apparent that the Alpha Session follows the Beta Session. As for the loop; well that was a mistake I got from skimming and then didn't have the pride to reread things completely until just now.

The Alpha Kids will have no Beat Mesa.
And neither did the Trolls(at least the second time around). Based on going from Beta to Alpha, the next logical step would be "testing phase" or rather a stage where nobody gets to play. The top level is the "completed" universe they came from, where Earth, Alternia and other "real" planets live. Anyway, they are already getting a second chance, so if they mess up this time, why would they get a third? Obviously these 4 sessions are constrained by bugs, glitches and cancers, but the Beat Mesa is supposedly a standard feature of the game...
  • Confirmed in principle, but Jossed in particulars via a mistaken assumption: the critical factor is a Hero of Time, not the Scratch mechanism. Aradia's mechanism was never seen, but that doesn't mean it does not exist. Moreover, the Alpha session is a very unusual and probably even unique session.
  • I always thought that giant metronome thing was Aradia's "Beat Mesa". Keep in mind if a Metronome, it would be used to keep a "beat". Note that Aradia's time traveling orbitals are based on it, Dave's are based on Beat Mesa. It appears to be something that changes to match the player/session.

Lord English has left his "calling card" for the Alpha Session
Betty Crocker is in the Alpha Session. Betty Crocker is the Batterwitch. The Batterwitch is the Condesce. The Condesce is in the service of Lord English. The way the Scratch dealie works is, universe gets reset, Lord English gets to send one single person into the new session, who is required to make the session more likely to succeed, but also dooms it to fail. Trolliverse had Doc Scratch, Alpha Session gets the Condesce. Plus, the plot basically requires that Lord English tries to break into the Alpha Session, otherwise he'd end up just awkwardly leaving the story.
  • Jossed: English's calling card is a session being forced to scratch due to not being able to win the game naturally. The calling card existed in the Beta Session, not the Alpha. The agent of English is his direct pawn.
    • Though the symptom of the calling card, players not being born in their session, is present. Rose implies that's naturally a product of a Scratch though, and not necessarily related to English.

The Frog Temple knows about the Scratch, and Frog Temples add.
It's pretty agreeable that the Frog Temple knows that the Scratch happened and is structured accordingly. It has eight pillars for only four players, which certainly means something. This is interpretable as four Beta kids/worlds, four Alpha kids/worlds. However, I am personally making a wildly massive guess that the pillars on the frog temple represent planets, not players. This makes sense, because Skaia, Prospit, Derse, and their respective moons also show up on the frog temple, and those sure aren't players. Since this would mean that the Alpha Session has eight planets in it, and the kids are bringing along four of theirs, this would mean that the Alpha Session will end up with twelve planets sitting in it.
  • Jossed: The Frog Temple is just a building; the mythology of the entire session itself revolves around an 8 player session. The Frog Temple reflects that.

The scratch wasn't meant to stop Jack
It was meant to stop Gamzee. We haven't seen exactly what he can do yet, but judging by how Karkat described it, it had to have been horrible, and now that he's snapped it will be even worse. They're trying to get Jack to fight him because he's the only one strong enough to stand a chance.
  • Jossed.

It will take a scratch to kill a scratch.
This will be the plan the Trolls and Kids come up with-to purposely glitch the game, and create their own scratch to demote Jack Noir into Snowman's bitch. Also, the Eldritch/Squiddles are a third session, and their game will be key to restoring both the Trolls and Kids' worlds.
  • Jossed.

The Scratch will allow the kids and trolls to change what has happened in the troll's session since Jack Noir got there
When Jack entered the troll's session through the scratch he arrived shortly before the trolls could pass into the kid's universe. A scratch on a record always brings you back to the same place. When the kid's cause the Scratch, they and the trolls will be able to go back to when Jack first arrived in that session. Then for some reason which I haven't really though of involving timey wimey, the rules of breaking from the alpha timeline will somehow not apply, or apply differently so they'll be able to change what has happened in the troll's session. So basically this is purely a desperate guess to find a way for Kanaya to not be dead.
  • This troper will go further and think the kids will hit the Reset Button on the entire trolls' entire universe. However, rather than create an alternate timeline, it will be more of an Eternal Recurrence scenario, allowing for changes that stick.
  • With the revelation that the Scratch is a really big Reset Button, this suddenly seems more likely. The kids will not make a Scratch on their own universe, but somehow transfer the effects to the Trolls' universe. (This would explain why Trollian is unable to view anything after the Scratch occurs, because their timeline is reset. If the Scratch only occurred in the Kids' universe it wouldn't have the same effect on Trollian). It would not just bring them back to life, but also Set Right What Once Went Wrong which would include such things as Eridan not being a jerk, Gamzee not being crazy, and Vriska not being a BLUH BLUH HUGE BITCH (Yeah, I know, the latter sounds impossible). Also: The kids would advise the trolls' through their reset session just as the trolls' advised them (only the kids would be more helpful), making another instances of the great Mobius Double Reacharound.
  • All of this shit is Jossed. The trolls are DEAD but Kanaya is fine.

The kids will become the guardians of the new kids following the scratch.
  • First, the kids will find some way to make it to this reset universe post scratch. They will then take the corresponding roles from their own Guardians and become the new kids' Guardians: Jade will become Grandma (Seeing as Jade's Penpal has been said to be her grand-child, this fits); John will become either Dad or Grandpa depending if he takes the role of his own Dad, who was his adoptive father, or Nanna, who was his genetic mother; Rose will become Mom; Dave will become Bro. They will all try to be better guardians than their own, and will try to find the interest of their "kids". Unfortunately they will end up making the same mistakes, not able to distinguish subconscious ideas, and the roles will come full circle.
    • Jossed, the Kids are entering the rebooted Incipisphere, not the universe itself. Likewise, what about the surviving trolls?
    • On the other hand, if they DON'T escape the Scratch's temporal effects (and I'm not convinced all the kids will escape the Scratch, especially since one of them has to die just to set off the Green Sun)...

Who caused the scratch? Lord English.
Word of God states that Bec Noir arrives in the trolls' session due to the scratch, which did not occur upon being prototyped with Bec. In fact, it's implied that the kids are somehow responsible for it, but we haven't yet seen how this comes about. We do know that it involves The Green Sun, the "source" of the first guardians, one of whom we know is working for Lord English. So maybe the kids somehow call in Lord English in order to induce the scratch and bring about a Good Ending.
  • Jossed.

The Scratch in the troll's session is caused by a Game-Breaking Bug.
Sgrub, like Sburb, is still in beta, and because no one has ever achieved win conditions before, the bug went undetected until the trolls' playtesting. That it allowed a scourge from a more broken session in was just their bad luck. Another possible bug; Aradia created many, many paradoxical time-copies of herself to win the battle with. Any one of them would be a doomed timeline, but that many of them in one place necessarily attracts a whole lot of doom. Supporting this is the fact that every troll survived Jack's initial assault, which wiped out all the Aradia copies.
  • The fact that it's a beta is unimportant, Sburb only functions as a minimal interface and a portal to the Incipisphere, where the real game is.
  • Jossed/confirmed(It's Homestuck this was bound to happen). Are the trolls in beta? No. Were they in beta? unknown but there was a hard reset. Is the scratch caused by a game breaking bug? Yes by Jack interupting their session, yes by Jack being created in the first place by their own actions which they only did because Jack already existed, yes by their session existing at all because of Lord English's meddling and probably also yes because of the kids joining their two sessions after the reset even though that hasn't happened yet. May need new terminology at this point. Jossfirmed? Hussied?
    • Jossed in the original WMG though; the bug was not because Sgrub was flawed.

The trolls will attempt to scratch their incipisphere at the same time the kids scratch theirs.

Doc Scratch mentions the idea of circumstantial simultaneity here, while examining the doomed timeline where Vriska fights Jack. Somehow, the idea seems a bit too important to be regulated to a doomed timeline, since Scratch mentions that similar events will lead up to his death. It's not known whether the troll's equivalent to the Beat Mesa survived Jack's rampage, but if it did, they might make an attempt to reset their universe in order to unbork everything that was borked by Jack's appearance.

This, of course, is the event that leads to Jack entering the troll's session in the first place, as resetting both games at the same time causes them to connect. As Doc Scratch said, Jack's departure didn't have anything to do with the scratch. At least, not the one the kids cause.
  • Jossed by [S] Cascade (if not before)

The Scratch didn't simply reset the kids' universe, it loaded an imperfect backup copy into the session's space
How can the universe be reset when it's been exploded by Bec Noir, and that explosion used as part of THE TUMOR bomb? Because it wasn't. The original universe was completely destroyed. But since the SBURB session itself was in its own pocket dimension, the Scratch was used to cannibalize the universe creating power of that version of Skaia into a copy of the now destroyed kids' universe. All Skaia had were imprints of the original universe from the minds of the kids, which is why such weird changes have occurred, like Betty Crocker becoming even more prominent, as it was such a strong impression in John's head.
  • The universes and the sessions responsible or spawned from them are independent (factors of 'real space' whereas sessions are part of Paradox Space). Jade brought most of the Kid's session with her as she escaped between fourth walls, while in her miniature planet collection the scratch completed itself.
    • Outright Jossed by later in Act 6. Skaia created the post-Scratch session by changing the destination of the meteors.

The scratch will switch the personality of the kids.
Seeing as it works as a reset button and it will change conditions as said here this would be logical if Hussie decides to make it as well, and the fandom will love it or hate it.

The ultimate result of the Scratch will be a 16-player session with the Kids and the Trolls.
Both Future John and Karkat have suggested that the Scratch may lead to the Kids and Trolls meeting face-to-face, and Doc Scratch says the Scratch resets the session. The two sessions are already strongly intertwined, so maybe the Scratch will just finish the job and combine them.
  • "You would eventually come to realize that the two teams were playing in the same session all along" has yet to be called back, you just know it's coming.
    • Why would it? It had all the importance it needed when it was first brought up.
  • Even with the post-Scratch characters, the only way for this to work out is for one of Aradia and ghost!Sollux to rejoin the others somehow, both if UU doesn't count (unless one of the dead trolls gets revived somehow).
    • Jossed though; every indication of the mythology of the Alpha Session revolves around 8 players.

In addition to resetting the kids' session to some point before they entered the Medium, the Scratch will also reset the trolls' session to before the arrival of Bec Noir.
Due to the StableTimeLoops relating to the interaction between the kids and the trolls after the arrival of Bec Noir in the trolls' session, undoing events in one timeline will undo their consequences in the other. Bec Noir was able to enter the trolls' session by creating the Rift before the Scratch was activated, and he will escape the reset by fleeing into the Furthest Ring.
  • Jossed.
    • Jossed by itself for that matter...as their scratch is what sent Bec Noir to the trolls, ergo it can't also undo his being sent to them...unless they ALSO performed a scratch...

     Post-Scratch Kids and Universe as a Whole 

The post-Scratch universe is in or made from the Green Sun
Then that leaves the question of what God Tier Dave and Rose saw as they were climbing out of the sun...
  • We don't know how a Scratch resets the universe exactly. It's been previously stated that the Green Sun has the mass of both universes, so in that sense they still "exist". The Scratch may have reset part of the Green Sun into a new universe. We can then guess that...
    • Keep in mind the Scratch is odd; given that there can be multiple sessions per universe, a Scratch may make a duplicate universe so the other sessions don't reset.
      • And given that part of the Genesis Frog holding the universe escaped Jack's destruction, its regeneration in some fashion seems much more likely.
  • This appears to be pretty much jossed.

The post-Scratch universe is composed of both the Human Universe and the Troll Universe
Because they were both effectively combined in the Green Sun.
  • We don't know if this makes any sense, and in fact all evidence is to the contrary.

Even without the Reckoning, Alpha Earth is still doomed.
Jade openeda .ATH program that made her computer explode. Karkat earlier opened a .ATH program that did the same. Presumably, it is the same program, which means that the next step will soon follow. On Alternia, it killed off all of the Lususes. On Earth it would either kill off all of the parents (since the lususes are the guardians of young trolls) or kill off all of the animals (because the lususes can be any species except for troll). Either way, Earth is doomed, and the kids still need to Ascend.
  • Jossed via a misunderstanding of Act 6. The ~ATH program is not the same as Sollux's, curses have been revealed to be the will of Paradox Space, and Dirk and Roxy aren't even threatened by the same threat as Jane or Jake. Jake for one is threatened apparently by a volcanic eruption, while Dirk and Roxy presumably will need to enter because of increasing attacks from the Empress.
    • And Dirk's exposition directly jossed this one.
      • The WMG itself is flawed, but due to Red Miles appearing above Future Earth, it is in fact doomed.

As a result, the Alpha kids will have trouble climbing their echeladder.
Being devoid of life not only means no salamanders, but no imps. This isn't that much of a problem for Jake, who's been shown to have climbed his echeladder quite a bit by getting his ass repeatedly whooped by Dirk's robot, or Dirk or Roxy, who presumably have experience fighting Crocker's forces, but it could be a problem for Jane, who may find herself hoping the Beta worlds aren't too devoid of low-level imps or too heavy in high-level ones.
  • Not necessarily. Certain steps of the quest will make-do for echeladder growth. The series of tombs on each planet should provide enough environmental puzzles and challenges to suffice, and actually might work out better for some (especially Jane, who has no known combat experience, and would likely just let Lil' Sebastian fight instead- receiving no credit as she doesn't have the Bunnykind strife specibus).
    • What just hit me is that when Jade entered, she was the weakest member of the group; in contrast, when Jake enters, he will probably initially be the second strongest, and would likely climb his echeladder the fastest in this manner due to his love of tombs.
    • Jossed. Remember John and Tavros have been shown to gain experience outside of combat, Tavros getting it from puzzles apparently.

Unite Synchronization is not about the kids
It is the kids instruments but none of it really sound like any of their previous motifs. The reason why is simple, this is not a song of the kinds working together, it's a song of the post-scratch session
  • Except the art for the song clearly depicts the Kids.
    • The track art for Volumes 7 and 8 were not produced by the music team, so they shouldn't be used to divine the artists' intent for the song.
      • As far as I know the Music Team picks fanart to go with the song.
      • I understand that while they may choose who draws the art, they don't tell them what to draw. Thus, we get a situation where songs like Even in Death and Judgment Day, arrangements of Dave and Aradia's leitmotifs, have Rose and John in their album art.
      • Actually in the vast majority of cases the art is already drawn, and they just contact the fanartist for use in the album. For instance just offhand, Mayor Maynot had it's art drawn over a year before it was actually put in the album.
      • At any rate Jossed; Andrew does not reveal spoilers to the music team, even integral members like Radiation. Moreover, the Alpha Kids have the same instruments as the Beta Kids.
      • Though the song was later used for a flash about Dirk and the rest of the Alpha Kids.

There is no difference between the Guardians of the beta verse and the Kids of the alpha universe, and vice versa.
In other words, Bro, Mom, Nanna, and Grandpa in the beta universe are the Dirk, Roxy, Jane, and Jake we've come to know and love; John, Rose, Jade, and Dave are the same people as Poppop, Roxy's mom, Dirk's bro, and Jake's grandma. Homestuck will end with them winning the game and successfully creating a new universe, but they will be unable to claim their prize. In order to keep the time loops stable, the alpha kids will have to go back in time to raise the kids in the beta universe, and the beta kids will have to go back in time to pave the way for the kids in the alpha universe. In the end, the only one to survive will be Jane, because she will eventually be brought back as Nannasprite.
  • This is Jossed because this is factually not how the Scratch works AT ALL. The two sets of kids and their counterparts are no more connected than Spades Slick and Bec Noir. They are two distinct instances of the same individual with no connection beyond being identical as infants, and having nascent superpowers. Obviously some of their personalities are similar, but they've still got distinct differences. Grandma English and Jade in particular are very different.

The kids' pesterchum handles will all contain the letter U
If the original session was like DNA (aka, storing data), then Alpha Session is like RNA (aka, transcribing data to be used). Therefore it'll probably be some variation of AU, CU, GU, UA, UC, UG, or UU (if she's not the thirteenth troll)
  • Jossed. Jake's chumhandle is golgothasTerror.
    • Completely Jossed
      • At least for the kids. U's might be used for UU's fellow "cheer" players if there's any more of them.
      • Confirmed, but the original WMG is still jossed.

Trying to predict what each alpha kid will prototype their respective sprite with
  • Jane: Seb - pre entry; Dead Poppop - post entry.
    • Can't prototype the Bunny, as it has to be broken to complete time loops.
    • Also, Jane didn't prototype it with anything pre entry (though AR tried to prototype it with Poppop).
  • Jake: ? - pre entry; Brobot - post entry.
  • Lalonde: a four eyed cat and a vizard doll - pre entry.
  • Bro: Tiny Maplehoof - pre entry; Auto Responder - post entry.
    • Incidentally, this also leaves two open slots for GCat.
    • It's not really as bad as it sounds. By the time the kids manage to beat Jack, they should have no problem with another opponent od his caliber.
    • They might do the sane thing and prototype GCat post-entry. This would have the benefits of a First Guardian sidekick with none of the problems.
    • I am of the theory/hope that one of them will prototype WV post-entry, assuming the meteor gets to the session in time. Though it will hopefully not be Jake who prototypes him, because then he'd probably try to eat himself.
    • Similar to above, I am of the theory/hope that some version of Karkat will be prototyped. I think it would be a nice callback to the Jadesprite incident, as well as finally giving him a chance at a kismesissitude.
    • Dirk and Roxy both wanted to play the game to somehow revive their respective Guardians, however. It's possible they might just prototype Post-scratch Dave and Rose.

  • Above are Jossed; the Black Ring and Derse and Prospit have all been seen, and it seems the Alpha Session will not be able to Prototype anything; or at least if they do, they'll have no influence on the session.

Jane and Jake's Sprites will be Poppop Crocker and Grandma English, respectively.
They seem to be dead, and Sprites attract the dead and doomed. Plus, it seemed like Jade's Sprite was supposed to be Grandpa Harley, but since the universe had cancer, Bec got prototyped instead to create Bec Noir. Grandpa Harley not becoming a Sprite will be one of the wrongs that is righted in the Alpha session.
  • Does Jake have Alpha!Jade's remnants lying around anywhere?
    • Not that we know of.
      • He has her ashes in an urn.
  • Tentatively Jossed. Poppop Crocker's remains are floating out in space around Earth after [S] Jane: Enter. Unless his severed arm is still lying around and is used, it's probably not going to happen at this point.
    • Post-Entry prototyping via a variety of means is still possible.
    • Given we haven't seen the arm since Jane captchalogued it, it is probably still in her Sylladex. And given Nanna's ashes were enough for John's sprite, Poppop's arm should be enough for Jane's.
    • But sadly, this one has been Jossed at Tavros and Vriska's great expense.
      • Though not completely yet. We still have yet to see Jake's sprite.
      • And Dirk or Roxy's sprite could full well be prototyped with Poppop's arm or body (considering that in the future he might have fallen back to earth).
      • With the beginning of Act 6 Act 5, Jake's sprite has been revealed to have been prototyped with the corpses of Eridan and Sollux. Considering Jane's Sprite was prototyped with Tavros and Vriska's corpses, it may well me that Roxy and Dirk's sprites will be prototyped with the four other post-scratch trolls corpses. My assumption is that that the other sprites will be Aradia-Feferi and Equius-Nepeta. Tavros and Vriska were matesprites, Eridan and Sollux were kismesiss, Nepeta and Equius were morails, and I believe Aradia and Feferi were part of a auspistice relationship with Sollux as the in between. It is most likely that Equius-Nepeta sprite would belong to Dirk (considering his similarities to Equius), and Aradia-Feferi sprite would belong to Roxy.

In which we make wild guesses about their planet names
The opening flash of Act 6 Act 3 revealed the name of Jane's planet LOCAH and told us that the remaining three (in order of entry) are LOPAN, LOTAK, and LOMAX. If the usual "chain of entry" holds up, Dirk should own LOPAN. Since Jake is unconscious, that makes him likely to be the last player, giving Roxy LOTAK and him LOMAX. Jane's land shares the same consorts and "wind" association as John's land, so an elemental theme may be conserved. Alternately, there may be a burial chambers & noble gasses theme (especially as the four Alpha players are referred to as "nobles" in said flash. Jane:
  • Revealed to be the Land of Crypts and Helium.
  • Jossed names: Land of Gum and Shoes
Dirk's: (LOPAN)
  • Revealed to be Land of Pyramids and Neon, but it's Roxy's, not Dirk's.
  • Jossed names: Land of Hooves and Beats (doesn't fit any initials), Land of Pyres and Neon.
Roxy's: (LOTAK)
  • Revealed to be Land of Tombs and Krypton, but it's Dirk's, not Roxy's.
  • Jossed names: Land of Glass and Reflection (doesn't fit any initials).
Jake: (LOMAX)
  • Revealed to be Land of Mounds and Xenon (not Mausoleums).
  • Jossed names: Land of Demonsnote  and Skulls
The end of Act 6 Act 3 confirms the order as Dirk (via Sawtooth) -> Roxy (via Squarewave) -> Jake.

One of the kid's planets will be the Land of Curtains and Clockwork.
Lord English was floating through a space in Caliborn: Enter that was full of the same curtain/clock mechanisms that begin and end each act, so it's likely that one of the lands will be this.
  • This is highly unlikely, but this troper thinks that maybe uu's Land would be that.
  • Jossed in fact; we know the initials for all the lands and none of them line up with Lo Ca C.
    • Could it not be under a different name, such as the Land of Gears and Drapery?
      • None of the kid's land names line up with that either... (and I doubt it's Caliborn's either, as that was flashing multiple colors.)
      • Perhaps it is what Hussie's world was?

The Alpha kids are actually from the Beta Session, and vice versa
Doc Scratch mentioned that the trolls were actually not created in their own Session. Well, what if the same thing happened here? To show how this is possible:
  • The baby John that John created is actually Poppop. He goes to the Alpha Session with the Colonel Sassacre book, explaining why it has Nanna's note.
    • This is Jossed: Beta John is seen landing with a bright blue Sassacre book, before it aged, so it seems Jane has the same book via shenanigans
  • Similarly, the baby versions of Rose, Dave, and Jade are actually Alpha!Mom, Alpha!Bro, and Grandma English.
    • Baby Rose's bunny (the original Con Air bunny) becomes Roxy's wizard bunny. Baby Jade's bunny (Rose's knitted bunny) becomes Jake's Indiana Jones bunny.
      • Following from John above, there is no indication for this.
  • Meanwhile, the paradox clones of Nanna, Mom, Bro, and Grandpa go to the Alpha Universe and become Jane, Roxy, Dirk, and Jake.
    • In Dirk's case, this explains how Lil' Cal is in the Alpha Universe.
      • The question arises then that how did Cal get into the Beta Session, where he held far more importance.
  • This WMG then presumes that in Jane's Session, she'll create paradox clones of Poppop, Alpha!Mom, Alpha!Bro, and Grandma. These eventually become John, Rose, Dave, and Jade. Their ectobiological children become Nanna, Mom, Bro, and Grandpa (It's also possible that the ectobiological children will have different parents).
    • The book is sent back to the past with Poppop's paradox clone who becomes John (it's also possible it went back with Nanna, making the book one big stable time loop).
      • Jossed via mistaken assumption. Nanna's inscription shows that John was the true recipient of the book.
    • Roxy's wizard bunny goes with Rose and becomes her knitted bunny. Jake's Indiana Jones bunny goes with Jake and becomes Liv Tyler.
    • Lil' Cal appears in the ectobiology lab and goes back to the Beta Universe with Bro.
    • Presumably, Alpha versions of Maplehoof and Mutie are sent with Dave and Mom.
  • So to summarize:
    • John, Rose, Dave, Jade, Jane, Roxy, Dirk, and Jake are all paradox clones of their Alpha Universe counterparts, and their ectobiological parents are actually their ectobiological children.
    • The bunny's timeline is that the Beta!Con Air bunny goes to the Alpha universe and becomes the wizard bunny, which goes back to the Beta universe to become the knitted bunny, which goes back to the Alpha universe to become the Indiana Jones bunny, which goes back again to the Beta universe where it becomes Liv Tyler (and it goes to and from the Alpha Universe at least one more time!) This WMG presumes the Alpha! Con Air bunny/Lil' Sebastian is actually unrelated to the other bunnies and will be prototyped as Jane's kernelsprite.
      • This is Jossed: Dirk directly states that the Alpha Bunny is separate from Jake's bunny plan, moreover Liv was destroyed by the Green Sun.
    • Lil' Cal's timeline is that he was made by Gamzee in the Beta Session, goes with baby Dirk to the Alpha Session, goes with baby Bro back to the Beta Session, gets picked up by Jack after killing Bro, gets pulled out by Jack in the Troll Session, and then goes to the Troll Universe with a doomed Aradiabot. He is currently in possession of Gamzee on the meteor. The only way this timeline could be more messed up is if he enters the Alpha Session and then goes back to the Alpha Universe.
  • There is no indication that Skaian portals can send things between universes, and every indication that they cannot. Moreover, Doc's comments applied specifically to the Pre-Scratch trolls, and it has yet to be explained what he meant by that, but it seems those conditions do not apply to the Alpha Session, given UU's comments seem to ensure that they are destined to win the game. One suggested theory that is not so off the wall insane is that they simply weren't ectobiological clones, but had natural parents.
    • Doc Scratch says flat-out that the glitch foretelling Lord English's presence in a session is that the players were not created during that session. He also says that the original trolls arrived from the sky in a manner similar to that which we've seen other players arrive on their worlds during infancy. Furthermore, both Hussie and in-comic characters have stated that Sburb is the way in which reality is propagated, meaning all realities get a Sburb "install". If the original troll players were not made in their session and were not born via the natural means of their species, then it stands to reason that they were created in another session. Therefore, it seems very likely that Skaian portals can indeed send material to new sessions; in fact, this capacity to send across sessions may very well be the flip-side of the glitch Doc Scratch is referring to in discussing the original troll players' origins. While not stated outright, it is difficult to imagine another way for all the conditions laid out by Scratch regarding the original troll session, and those revealed in general Sburb exposition, to be met.
      • The only things shown to transport things cross session were Exile terminals, and those portals had a distinctly different color than either the Beta or Troll sessions; implying cross session shenanigans specifically are a very hard thing to organize. If it were as simple as entering a portal, Noir could have done that without needing to hide in the Frog Temple.

  • Jossed. There is one set of babies, those from the Beta Session, however, they were sent to two points in time, creating an alternate universe.

The Alphas are going to die in the exact order they were killed in the Beta session.
First Jake (Grandpa), then Jane (Nanna), then D (Bro), then R (Mom), and somewhere around R's, Dad. We've already seen Jake's Dreamself get killed, and if it's actually what we think it is then maybe Jane's in for, too. We'll just have to see how this whole scenario plays out, though...
  • Course, we have no idea when Grandpa Harley died exactly. Jade was at the very least able to read and speak by the time he died, and unless she was able to do that at under 4 months of age (the window between her arrival and John's)...
  • Alternatively, it could be the same order the Beta kids died. The first to die was Jade's dreamself, prior to John's waking self being killed by Jack and unleashing his god tier resurrection. Jake's dreamself died followed by Jane's waking self being blown up. That would mean the next kill would be R Lalonde (awake, possibly with Jane's dreamself dying just prior or simultaneously, if we count Bec Noir sucker-stabbing John), then D Strider (awake), then Jake's waking self, followed by R and D's dreamselves...
    • Looking to be more likely: Jane's dreamself was the third to die- sucker-stabbed by Jack Noir, just like John's.
      • Jane's dreamself a) was second to be attacked and b) seemingly didn't die.
    • Myststuck confirms that Roxy and Dirk's dreamselves will eventually die, but Jane's probably won't, and if she does it'll be after the other two.
  • Ergo Jossed.

The Alphas are going to die doing things mirroring what the main cast had done in the past.
Jane had already died trying to get the game in the mail. If thisheadcanon is to be correct, R will make a walkthrough; however, Rose also mentioned that all the walkthroughs she had seen ended at the moment the meteors impacted their homes. Following this, R dies when she runs out of time on her cruxtruder. D will probably die falling off his building trying to retrieve his item, what with no Rocketboard to break his fall, or he gets impacted with the meteor if his brother didn't cut through it.
  • In this scenario, it's a possibility Jake's failure would be to not prototype his kernelsprite before entering, as Jade and John nearly failed to had Bec not intervened (albeit they might have succeeded without Vriska's interference, but I digress).
  • If the alpha session people all don't have cruxite items, the way Jane did, then Roxy couldn't have had an 'eggy lokin thign' or however it was misspelled. And it's looking like Roxy might not get a meteor either.
  • The first part is Jossed. Jane didn't actually die from the mailbox explosion.

Jane and Jake are Derse dreamers
Jake mentions the "regrettable REALNESS ATTRIBUTE" of "FRIGHTENING FAUNA", and his bedspread has images that seem to be horrorterrors on them. It seems to me that he is probably awake on Derse already. Jane would also be a Derse dreamer in order to pair her with Jake the way John and Jade were paired. Incidentally (this part isn't about alpha!homestuck, should it be moved?) This would indicate that the scratch flips dreamers. If that's the case, it is possible that the Sufferer could remember because horrorterrors saved his (Dersite) dream self during the scratch, and it was then superimposed on his sub-conscience.
  • It's not the horrorterrors on Jake's bed; it's the Trolls' lusii. Look closer.
  • Jossed; Jane has discussed waking up on Prospit and seeing Jake sleeping there.

All four of these Alpha children are decoys.
Hussie is building these children up to be important characters, having them contact trolls, know everything that's wrong with their world, give them an entire empire... only to be killed the minute they enter the Medium. Four completely new kids who have no idea of what they're doing will be chosen in their stead, as Skaianet doesn't take kindly to All-knowing Players. The box is still going to be delivered, but by convoluted weird time shit and this session's version of PM.
This is going to be Jossed anyway, but it was worth a shot.
  • One down. Three more to go.
    • The start of the bit with Hussiebot made this look very likely, that the Alpha session existed solely to establish Hussiebot's cruelty. But considering that the characters we just spent two years getting to know have just been consigned to an "intermission", it seems rather unlikely unless Act 6-2 introduces us to a whole new Alpha session; Jane is likely to survive somehow, just like she's presumably survived previous assassination attempts.
    • Actually not; kid's long gone, now.
  • Prettty much Jossed.

Roxy, Dirk, and maybe Jake were sent to the future.
We know that Jake has to be in the present because we've seen him run around his island before it was submerged. While it's possible to sendificate, transportalize, and appearify across time and universes as well as space, the blurring glow as Dirk and Roxy exit to the surface may have indicates a time travel effect.

The post-scratch kids (Jane, Jake, Mom and Bro) will somehow merge/retain their memories from Alpha in form of their pre-scratch selves
Which explains why they know so much about Sburb. The only hole in this theory is John/Jane's 'dad', unless he gets prototyped at some point...
  • Mom and Bro seem to know unnaturally more about Sburb than even Jane and Jake, who don't seem to know much more than what they got from UU.
    • This does not seem to be the case.
      • That would not make much sense, as their beta-selves would probably need to have been absorbed by the scratch, and they are all dead at this point.
      • Jossed by A 6 I 2's explanation of how the scratch works.

The alpha kids are getting set up with some sort of reverse fairy-god-troll thing
Jake has the Unknown Troll Girl, Roxy has the Other Unknown Troll Girl Who Looks Kind Of Like Feferi, and at this rate Dick and Jane will have Mystery Troll Boys within the fortnight.
  • Jossed: It's just the two troll girls; though one could argue uu and UU correspond to Dirk and Jane respectively, the patron troll shenanigans still don't work because Aranea and UU are talking to everyone and Meenah has no real connection to Roxy besides wanting to hunt her.

The current events, with all the Alpha kids dying like flies, are a doomed timeline.
They're dying so easily because they're getting blindsided. Killed in their sleep (with deudly peanuts), stabbed in the back, explosive-rigged mailbox, whatever. All stuff that only works because it comes as a surprise. All stuff that's easily preventable once a fully-fledged Knight of Time is in the game. Sure, Dave isn't there yet, but once he is, time is his oyster, so he can go back and pull an 'I am already here'. Lord English isn't the only guy with time powers, biatch.
  • Tenatively Jossed by the fact that Time powers don't work like that; Dave has to follow his own preordained path, and since the deaths seemingly are not a part of that, he can't correct them without causing a timeline split. Moreover his powers are primarily combat oriented according to Aradia.

The "Years Later" is three years later
Three years, of course, being the time for the protagonists of acts 1-5 to get there.
  • It's probably more on the order of 11 given the Arc Number. The use of "But not many" seems to be misleading as well; Dirk refers to Jake and Jane's contemporary culture as ancient history, so it could be as much as 1111 years in the future.
    • Unlikely. Roxy and Dirk still refer to their dead guardians as "Mom" and "Bro". If their guardians really were THAT FAR in the past, I'd imagine they'd use more distant terminology.
    • It is 413-ish. Original WMG Jossed.

Dirk and Roxy will become their own parents.
Just to clarify, obviously their parents also exist in their own right. But at the end of the most recent flash, all four kids are on Jake's island in Jake's present; Jane has technically entered the session, but the others haven't, and while all of them have at least had the requisite devices placed and Jake's entry would be a natural thing to be part of the end-of-act flash, Dirk and Roxy presumably need to be back in the future. They could simply time-travel back to their natural time period or something, but they could also travel partway down The Slow Path. Perhaps it's really them who fought Guy Fieri and the Insane Clown Posse and their subsequent "disappearances" were them making their way back to their own present, older, wiser and with a ton of levels? Weird and wholly implausible theory, I know.
  • Jossed for a pretty simple reason: Strider and Lalonde don't look like Dirk and Roxy, and we already know guests can be transported to the medium during an entry, like Dad or the other guardians.

The lands in Alpha Session
If there are eight new lands, three of them will be duplicates of their respective trolls'.
  • Jossed via mistaken assumptions: there are 4 new lands and there's absolutely no indication they will be the same as the counterparts of the Troll's session, given that there is absolutely no commonality between the Troll Session Lands and the known Beta Kid Lands, aside from Frogs with Jade and Kanaya.
    • Woah woah woah. "Jossed?" While I think this theory is unlikely, Jossed means that the creator (via his work or outside statements) has invalidated it. Until the new lands are shown in the story, it can't be Jossed by anything short of Hussie saying so.
      • Which is why it says "Via mistaken assumption". Jossed here is simply being used as shorthand for "Demonstrates a lack of understanding of existing canon", and besides, the fact that there are 8 new lands has been directly Jossed. TV Tropes at any rate doesn't really have terms for that, so the term "Jossed" is sometimes used to mean the previous statement, instead of the actual definition. Not all theories fall into a straight Confirmed / Jossed dichotomy, but we've got to sort through them somehow, and these are simply the terms that exist.
      • Jossed really means "confirmed not to be true" or "confirmed false", or at least that's how WMG uses it.
    • And now the new lands have been shown to be completely different.

The Trickster Mode Alpha Kids will fight the God Tier Beta Kids at one point.
  • Probably Jossed.

Trickster Mode was actually a diabetes induced vision and/or hallucination.
When the two lollipops joined together and force Jane to lick it, two timelines were possibly created. What we saw with all the Trickster Mode comics was the timeline where Jane was actually effected enough to the point were the sugar high gave her reality warping God-tier type powers. The other, correct and unchanged, timeline was Jane merely having an extremely vivid vision of what was happening in the Trickster Mode timeline induced by a near fatal stroke from said sugar high. The latest comic (as of this post) is us, the reader, seeing the aftermath of Jane in the normal timeline after licking the lollipop, quite obviously shaken by what she just saw and the near fatal stroke she had from licking the combined Juju.
  • Jossed

Trickster Mode is a different kind of God Tier
Jane unlocked Trickster Mode when Alchemizing Caliborn's and Calliope's Juju, and licking the combined form of them. A Trickster is a god that "breaks the rules of the gods or nature, sometimes maliciously (for example, Loki) but usually with ultimately positive effects (though the trickster's initial intentions may have been either positive or negative)"
  • Jossed. Trickster Mode is more like a Super Mode. Hussie comperes it to Mario's Super-star while the plot treats it more like a mind-altering drug.

    Jane Crocker 

Mr. Crocker has banned Jane from leaving the house in a misguided attempt to protect her from Sburb.
Sadly, he doesn't understand temporal inevitability.
  • Alternately, he's banned her from leaving the house to ensure that she is able to play Sburb, whether he did so under his own initiative or under orders from the Batterwitch.
  • It appears her Dad's trying to protect her from assassination. It also appears he wasn't successful.
    • Well, she's not dead yet, thanks to GCat.
      • Jossed

Jane's not going to be the player.
In her place will be her father, seeing as it's his computer, and thus he is more likely to reach it before Jane. In this case, with the switched roles, Jane will be the one to die in Mr. Crocker's place. Also, it works if you consider this- Since this is a "Guardian Session", this means that the guardians of the players would be playing the game, and guess who was raising John?
  • By this logic, shouldn't Godcat, counterpart of Bec, be a player in place of Jake?
  • As incredibly unlikely as this is, this shipper would like to see this happen, if only because Jane dying for Dad would mean he'd still be around in three years when Alpha Mom/Roxy turns eighteen.
    • This also fufills the Heiress-Sans-Parent rung on the Echeladder. They never said how it'd be sans-parent, after all.
    • Jossed via mistaken assumption; Jane has a dreamself, ergo she must be a player.

The assassination attempts were made to prevent Jane from playing Sburb.
Someone knew what was going on, apparently; if Jane played Sburb, then it would cause a chain of linking her other friends up to the game, therefore, in that person's mind, causing the meteors to come and destroy the Earth. To protect themselves and anyone else, they brought it upon themselves to kill her before she starts up the game; no Jane, no meteors, no Earth pieces floating around space. Simple as that.
  • Jossed actually. The Condesce needed Jane to enter in order to bring her warship through to Earth.

The reason why Jane's survived so many assassination attempts thus far...
...is because the First Guardian has secretly watched over her her whole life, instead rather than Jake or Lalonde. (Not much to confirm here, just how long and how many attempts.)
  • Jossed though; GCat watches over all the Alpha Kids equally.

Jane's death will have similar trappings to Doctor Who.
The Doctor's already sprinkled throughout the series, what with friends that could control time and space, John's theme being called "Doctor", quotes hidden in some of the bandcamp music, a reference by John earlier to Karkat, Lord English's coat trim resembling Four's famous scarf, heck, as of now even regeneration! It should stand to reason that Jane's death might end up being a reference to the serial "The Impossible Astronaut" by being killed mid-Lifey-thing.
  • None of the musical references are canonical, English's coat is actually a reference to the colors in pool, and Time and Space are far more wide spanning than just Doctor Who. Besides, Jossed as of current canon, as Jane's dreamself is still alive.
  • Jossed now.

In the chaos of Sburb, Jane will lose most of her cool Betty Crocker equipment.
At first, she will be upset about this, but it will lead to her being freed from her brainwashing (and she'll be able to alchemize much cooler stuff, anyway).
  • She's well on the way to it already, her computer having blown up.
    • Jossed: There's actually no chaos in a Void Session; Jane hasn't even fought an Imp yet.

Jane will bring Jake's dreamself back to life.
She is a player of Life and her initials are JC... Other than that, I got nothing...
  • Nothing is said about the green lantern being re-lit in the prophecy in Myststuck, so this is probably Jossed.

Jane's Can Not Spit It Out to Jake is not of her own doing
Rather, as someone hinted elsewhere on this wiki, it is a result of the Cease Reproduction command from her Crockercorp headgear prompting her to respond a certain way against her will.
  • There may also be some kind of cerulean influence- Vriska couldn't do it, but maybe someone else can.
    • That implication is patently false; Vriska's mind control on humans was strictly limited to putting humans to sleep (and she couldn't even control the personalities of Trolls either, as Karkat demonstrated), so her doppelganger can't have that ability.
      • And Andrew directly jossed this one in a recent round of questions.

Jane will not enter the medium by entering the usual way
As it looks right now, she has absolutely no interest in playing Sburb. While the Alpha Kids seem to know a lot, they don't seem to know about the meteors. So her house will just be asploded by a meteor. She'll live with the lifey thing, and dad will live by mangrit/dadness. Jane will eventually enter the medium by dying on her Earth quest bed... All the players have quest beds on Earth somewhere. When Fedorafreak found a quest bed, that wasn't Fedorafreak's quest bed, that was just one of the kids'. So Jane enters last, and Dirk goes and has Jake enter, and then Roxy servers Dirk, thereby reversing the order from the Beta session?

Just a thought. At the moment, Jane probably has 11 hours:11 minutes:11 seconds to enter. When she finally gets around to opening the cruxtruder, she'd then have what, 1 minute 11 seconds left? There's no way she'd have enough time left.

  • Continuing on this, nobody enters the regular way. Roxy enters through the void, Dirk just sits around with one self entered and one self on Earth, and I can't come up with anything for Jake. Something Lord Englishy? If there aren't any lands in the Alpha Session because Jade is bringing the Beta sessions', this would resolve none of them being able to enter on their lands.
    • None of them have entered yet. Roxy has gone into it and come back out, but entry specifically means doing something with a Cruxite item. Dreamselves especially don't count as entry, as awakening a dreamself prior to entry is fairly common. According to the Frog Temples as well, they all have lands.
  • I wasn't saying that Roxy officially entered yet, I was saying that if she was unable to enter the Cruxite item way, she could just float in through the void.
  • Confirmed / Jossed, depending on what you define as "normal." Jane entered when her timer ran out. She did not do a pre-entry prototyping nor interact with her prototyping item to enter. No meteor impacted her site when the clock ran down (though the Battleship Condescension reentered over her house). However, she did enter by following the normal steps using the pre-punched card, so...
    • The Title of the WMG was confirmed but everything else about it is Jossed.

Jane is going to become a Future Badass
There WAS a Time Skip after she entered the game, after all; technically speaking, she was in the game for that entire time, and it seems we'll be picking up only after it. That means she'll have YEARS to figure out the ropes, grind against random imps, alchemize increasingly awesome items, etc.
  • There was not a Time Skip; Dirk and Roxy live in the future. From the perspective of Sburb, they're all operating on San Dimas time.

Jane prototyped herself just as she was entering the game
If you notice, she was glowing blue, with blue dots floating around, and the kernelsprite only a few inches behind her. Maybe GodCat wanted her to prototype herself by accident?
  • Her house was glowing blue too. Seemingly just a side effect of entry which helps visually show that a location is entering.

Jane is the most important character in Homestuck.
From here and here.
  • Mistaken assumption: Jane isn't watching Jade's tower as should be obvious from the blue color and the gold tower. She's watching her own imminent lifey thing.

Jane died because it was a doomed timeline, the Pre-Scratch kids will arrive just in time to fix it and allow her to live.
Although this is a bit on the unlikely side, as nobody was even in the Medium yet, and Dave had only been able to avert doomed timelines from within the Medium... But not impossible, given Dave's God Tier status.
  • Jossed, Gcat saved her.

    Jake English/Jade's Penpal 

Jake's consorts in the Medium will be angels, like the other Hero of Hope's.
And they'll be blue.
  • There are no consorts in the Alpha Session. Angels weren't actually consorts either, like Sollux's brains, they were merely an aspect of the land.

Lord English is Jake's legal ancestor
Many theories have suggested that Jake English is the source of Lord English's name because that's the backward way causality has flowed throughout Homestuck so far, but what if the explanation is simpler? What if the reason Jake doesn't share the Crocker last name is the same reason that Jade doesn't share the Egbert last name? What if it's because his grandmother married into the name English? Or what if he was adopted after her death or if she was separately adopted by him when the Batterwitch took John?
  • Jossed.

Jake is a ghost.
This page appeared following the deaths of Jane and Roxy's real selves. While Jake's dreamself is dead, their dreamselves are still alive but unconscious. Perhaps the lanterns track real selves as opposed to dream selves? And since Jake's was already blown out...
  • Umm... what, their dreamselves probably died as well from delayed damage.
    • Yea, Dream Selves die if the real body isn't kissed by another player in time. Since Dirk and Jake are unconscious and several magnitudes removed from Jane and Roxy...WELP.
      • It's been made pretty clear by this point that Jane's Dreamself isn't going to die any time soon- being caught in a stabbing and an explosion wasn't enough to do her in. As for Roxy's, she's in good hands.
  • Jossed with direct meet up.

the huge object in Jake's inventory is The Tumor, a planet, the battlefield, or possibly The Green Sun.
All huge objects.
  • How about Lord English's sarcophagus?
    • The Cairo Overcoat/sarcophagus shouldn't be that large.
  • The other fourth wall, the one Jade and John are supposed to arrive through. Remember how Jade's grew to RIDICULOUS size and got a battleship shot through it? And how UU said Jake's job was simply to "pave the way for the arrival of gods"?
    • Close. The other fourth wall was inside the tower.
  • The battle ship that Grandpa Harley had.
  • The central tower to his home, which is missing. Note in Seer: Descend there was talk of adding orbs to a ring, but was dismissive. Jade's home looked a lot like the dream towers. The right prototyping and you could end up with a prototyping tower. Considering you can get a Matriorb from an oil covered fedora this isn't so much of a stretch. Jade's home that is missing in the Alpha Session, but clearly existed since Jake's "home" is a broken off spire from said house.
    • Void Sessions cannot prototype, the Seer: Descend comment was a mere reference to the Troll session, and the tower was destroyed by explosion.
    • The orb of the tower was the object in question, however, making this Confirmed.
  • The Battlefield is Jossed; the Alpha Battlefield was destroyed and Jade still has the tiny Beta Battlefield.
  • Jossed. It's the lab that used to be at the top of his house.

everytime the "What Pumpkin?" gag appears, it has been Jake's fault.
In Jailbreak, this was quite common, since Jake was first trying this out, but as he started to learn more, he began to pull them out of different places, until he finds out that it's a waste of uranium. In other words, the stories are all connected together, thanks to this silly gag.
  • It's strongly implied that, at least once in Homestuck, it was WV's fault.
    • Additionally, Roxy shares some guilt for these incidents, though mainly for the ones Jane suffered through.
  • And thus, that's enough to disprove "everytime" [sic].

Jake is not going to crush on mystery troll
Why? She's not really of cerulean complexion - her skin is grey. Hence the <???????? instead of <33333333. Hussie trolls us once again.
  • Jossed already, he thinks she's cute.

Jake is Pre-Scratch Grandpa Harley.
Here's the thing: It's never explains where Grandpa went during his travels. Possibly, while he was running away when he was 13 years old, Lord English or "Betty Crocker" came by, abducted the boy, brought him into the alternate universe with them, dumped him on an island and, like Jane, brainwashed him, only this time brainwashing him into thinking he was Jake English; however, it only worked partially, as he still speaks the slang of his time and still has a thing for blue ladies, though now amplified into having a thing for blue skinned ladies.
  • Except that doesn't make any sense; Jake as the Page of Hope must be created from the Alpha Session, as every other player thus far has been.
    • What about the pre-Scratch trolls?
      • Their story hasn't been fully explained, hence the "every other player thus far"
  • Apparently Jossed by Rose's exposition. While they are identical, they both seem to be their own separate entities.

As the Page of Hope, Jake will help Kanaya recover the Matriorb.
Since Pages assist people, the Page of Hope's job may be to return hope to those who have lost it. Kanaya, being the victim of a Hopesplosion, sure could use some right now.
  • Jane's hat can be alchemized using a recipe that requires a Matriorb, as her fetch modus already showed us. John has already demonstrated that it's possible to reverse alchemize components from objects (like he made the clean poster out of a poster with clown scribbles). And all THEY have to do is have someone with sufficient hacking skills (Alpha Mom) to deduce the code of the Matriorb from the hat's code, and have someone with a sufficiently high level (like let's say a God Tier player) collect enough grist (like the loot dropped by a denizen) to alchemize one. Seems to be a very logical line of thought.
    • Why not Alpha Bro?
    • No need for all of that. Kanaya implies that she already has the captcha code for it. She just says that the grist cost was astronomical.
      • So perhaps there's a way to just revert the hat into the components used to make it in that recipe?
      • There is: there's that device that Jane own that takes a captchalouge card and boondollars and uses them to make Grist.
    • The Condesce asked Roxy to recreate it with her Void powers.
  • Jossed. Roxy recreates the Matriorb with no involvement from Jake.

Jake will enter the Alpha Session as the Condesce floods Earth.
Jane's countdown wasn't actually counting towards a meteor, but simply the arrival of the Condesce to Alpha Earth - an indirectly cataclysmic event in it's own right. It can be assumed that Jake's countdown will be similar, because the Condesce will at some point entirely flood Earth to match Roxy & Dirk's future. While Jane: Enter shows the volcano on Jake's island to be almost completely submerged and no longer having lava flow from the top, a panel in the EOA6I1 shows it's going to fully erupt at some point.
  • Rose's exposition was accompanied by a panel that showed the Condesce's invasion wasn't complete until around 2030. Seemingly Jossed.
    • By my ruler, the change in color after 2000 is about 15% of the length of the 1900-2000, which puts it closer to 11.11.11 than to 2030. It's still quite possible, being that I doubt AH expected anyone to be anal enough to take a ruler to the screen.
      • It looked farther than Poppop and Grandma's landings in 1910, which is what prompted the "Not 2011". Remains to be seen at any rate.
      • The arrival of Alpha John and Jade is about 32 pixels away from 1900. The timeline turning red is about 38 pixels away from 2000. So probably a few years later, but before the end of the decade.
    • Jossed: Dirk's exposition revealed the flooding of the Earth was a gradual thing.

J is also the grandson of Vriska
They have identical handwriting, aside from Vriska's Ms as scorpio signs. What that means for John/Vriska, well we'll just have to see.
  • John x Vriska= Subject A, Jade x Unknown Participant= Subject B, Subject A x Subject B = J
Although take note that this would mean a crossbreeding of cousins, Hussie has played incest for laughs however it is unknown if he would actually write it into the story.

Jade's penpal will be Kanaya's, um, offspring.
Kanaya's formal introduction hammers you over the head with implies a lot of points that connect her to Jade, such as a similar lunchbox, a love of colorful shit, the friggin' frog temple, her penchant for dreaming, and her jade-green blood . This jade color is also somewhat reminiscent of the green hue Jade's penpal wrote in. Kanaya herself may not be Jade's penpal, as both the color and the writing style are different from Kanaya's. But it's outright stated that Kanaya will, um, impregnate her Lusus at some point, so it's probable that Kanaya's, um, offspring will be the one to contact Jade. Hey, stranger things have happened in this comic.
  • The offspring in question seems to be another mother grub. Her responsibility was not to impregnate her Lusus, but to cut the egg out of her.
    • Pretty sure from context and everything that Jade's Penpal is Grandpa Harley.
    • Jossed jossed! It's Jade's grandkid and the orb is asploded.

Jade's Penpal is Jack Noir
Okay, this one seems really out there, but I honestly think that The Jade's penpal is none other than Jack Noir himself.
  • 1. Jack is shown have intense feelings of love and loyalty towards Jade, to the point he is unable to kill her
  • 2. The penpals handwritting is incredibly Jagged, perhaps representing Jack's hasty, and violent demenor. (Although, the handwritting on the citation looks slightly different)
    • Doesn't match his handwriting we've seen in the comic. That's not slightly different, that's entirely different. J's handwriting mostly matches Vriska's.
  • 3. The penpal has a desire to get into a (friendly) fist fight with John. If you recall, Jack seems to loathe the "graveyard stuffer" with a passion. The mere scent of John, causes Jack Noir succumb to unfathomable bloodtlust. (Or at least it does, before he starts thinking about dog bones and Jade)
  • 4. The penpal indicates that he loves to wrestle, though no one really wants to with him. Makes sense because realy, who'd want to werstle someone with the power to warp to wherever they wanted?
  • 5. Why would the penpal refer to Jade as "Grandma"? Jack Noir (deep down) is very loyal to Jade. And loyal people respect their elders!
  • 6. The penpal signs his name as "J" which could possibly be short for Jack.
Questions:
  • 1. Why would Jack succumb to love, and why would he be in the future?
    • Okay, remember that fight with Rose? The colosion of the two powers caused Jack to jet ahead into the future by accident, and caused him to lose his memories of being evil.
  • 2. Why did the bunny he built turn on his past self?
    • It was always meant to protect John, even if he was being harassed by Jack's Past self
  • 3. Why was he so adamant on making the bunny?
    • Too ensure that John and or his friends had at least a chance at taking on lord english

  • The kids don't even know English exists, and there is no conceivable situation in which Jack would consider himself Jade's grandson.

  • Jossed, I think. Hasn't it been confirmed that Jake English is Jade's penpal?
    • Though the name is very close...

Jade's Grandson is descended in some way from both Jade and Dave, and is also Lord English
Lord English's Greatcoat is made of felt plush by the look of it, and the symbol near the lapel is of an eight ball that is cracked in the same manner as the record on Dave's clothes. We only see a magic eight ball in Jade's room to boot. From the hints we can see in the letter Jade's supposed grandson gave to John, with green meaning to grow and red meaning to shrink. Colours associated with Jade and Dave, Jade who's boundless energy has been known to make things literally grow, and Dave, who's profuse ego has constantly been shrinking since the beginning of the game.
  • That eight ball is actually the one on Dave's Felt Duds (Which... He apparently managed to make at some point, since doomed!Dave was wearing them?) It's not the first time Hussie has self-inserted dressed as one or more of his characters.
    • Lord English is a time traveling demon from beyond any one universe. Why would he be the son of a player? Beyond that, English has only ever shown or implied time powers, which has no connection to Jade.
  • Jossed, despite her "grandson" being named Jake English.

Jade's grandson is part Troll
Cause remember, if Dave and Jade have a kid, and then that kid and John and Rose's kid have a kid, that'll be incest. With the trolls, there will much more room for reproduction, and things could go fine for a couple generations afterwords. Perhaps Jade will hook up with Tavros? Also...
  • Elaborating: first-generation offspring would be double-first cousins.
  • His interest in wrestling John seems to point towards Equius.
  • Judging by recent conversations...Karkat?
    • Equius is dead, Tavros is dead, so it really just remains to be seen.
  • Jossed by Act 6

    Roxy Lalonde 

The Reason Roxy uses troll lingo is...
She reads Homestuck through one of her many fenestrated walls.
  • She might have met them while sleepwalking through the dream-bubbles.
    • Original WMG Jossed.

God Cat is loyal to Lalonde the same way Bec is to Jade
It's entirely possible Jaspers helped create God Cat (with a possible BARK code somehow), but God Cat won't be prototyped and will instead be a vital ally in the Alpha session.
  • Alternatively, it will be prototyped, but not a way that breaks the Session. Lalonde will then combine with it when she becomes the God Tiered Hero of Void; since Void has been shown to be the opposite of Space, it makes sense that the Void hero will merge with a cat just as the space hero merges with a dog.
    • Why did it kill Jaspers then?
      • Perhaps it knew from the connection with Jadesprite etc. via the Green Sun that Jaspers has to end up dead and prototyped in th Beta session, so came to the conclusion that if he didn't die soon this wouldn't happen. Or perhaps it needed Roxy to get into the lab for some reason.
  • Jossed: If anything he's loyal to Rose. Jaspers was not that fond of Roxy.

Lalonde doesn't really believe the Batterwitch is out to get Jane
When Jane told her she now believed her, and apologised for doubting, Lalonde's reaction was "ur makin me feel like shit here", and then she changed the subject when asked why. It looks an awful lot like she's been subjected to Oblivious Guilt Slinging. Given that she's a Lalonde, and therefore a mistress of Passive-Aggressive Kombat, it's possible her claims were purely to manipulate Jane for reasons as yet unknown.
  • Very close; it turns out there was Oblivious Guilt Slinging, because Lalonde was trying to manufacture a fake assassination attempt to get Jane to believe her.
  • Considering that Roxy blames Betty Crocker for her mom and Dirk's bro's deaths, this one is pretty unlikely.
    • Jossed.

Someone is putting Roxy to sleep
This ties in with the non-alcoholic beverages above. It could be because someone is experimenting. It could also be something more sinister. Although its extremely unlikely to be any of them, characters who have put other people to sleep include Vriska (to John and Jade), Aradia (to Sollux), and Doc Scratch (to Kanaya).
  • Doc Scratch never put Kanaya to sleep; he was mentioned briefly to have guided her to Prospit but the manner in which that occurred is unknown. At any rate, Jossed.

Who's in the lab with Roxy?

Place your bets!
  • Another of Dirk's robots.
  • Sawtooth
  • An Imperial Drone
  • Temporally displaced Roxy's Mom
  • Dimensionally and temporally displaced Rose.
  • Dimensionally and temporally displaced Rose's Mom.
  • A member of the Felt.
  • Lord English and his cuestick pegleg.
  • Some caretaker Roxy has we weren't aware of.
  • A carapace.
    • Ding ding ding! We have a winner, but also a loser! There are tons of them!
  • SURPRISE FANTROLL
  • Giant cat mecha.
  • Pounce de Leon, or some counterpart thereof.
  • Calmasis.
  • Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.

    Dirk Strider/Auto-Responder 

Alpha Bro's first name is Dick
Or give me one other four letter male name that begins with Di...
  • Dirk.
    • And that is indeed his name.
    • Roxy does call him Dick occasionally. Let's just call it even.

Alpha!Bro's name is Dell.
And he could act as an engineer of sorts.
  • D. Strider does seem to be the most technologically proficient, having invented a near-AI auto-responder.
  • Jossed (at least partially), it's Dirk.

Bonus WMG: This also gives him the right/opportunity to ironically sing "Rolling in the Deep", because he'd be, you know, a Dell.

When the autoresponder refers to a "DS", he isn't talking about Bro.
A bit of a wild theory, but think about it. Who else has the initials of DS? DOC SCRATCH. He is already here.

Alpha!Bro doesn't exist. He's the autoresponder.
It's him.
  • Alternatively, just as Jake's dream self is already dead before the game begins, perhaps Alpha!Bro's awake self may already be dead. Like Aradia, who was dead before entering SGRUB, Alpha!Bro may exist only in robotic form (autoresponder and brobot) until he awakens his dream self/god tier.
    • Jossed. We've already seen DS when he spoke to Jane after getting out of the shower.

Bro and Dave are in the airplane flying over the city.
The airplane in [S] Act 6 is a curious sight, given Homestuck's near total lack of any signs of people other than the protagonists and their relatives. It would be quite strange of Hussie to put it in the montage if it didn't have any relevance to the protagonists, so it probably does. The plane being a jet chartered by Dave seems likely, since given that Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff has been adapted into a feature film in this timeline, he's likely busy and powerful enough to do so when he and his little Bro need to get somewhere, and Bro having to play Sburb on a moving plane would provide some interesting challenges that would be fun to explore.
  • Tentatively Jossed. It seems that Bro was just in the shower, though we don't know where Dave was.
  • Jossed: It's just a Con Air Call Back it seems.

Strider is in fact the First Guardian of Earth
Jake was referring to him; Alpha Bro's counterpart has a different last name.

Andrew Hussie is a dimensionally-displaced Alpha Bro, and his real name is Drew Strider.
Alpha Bro's big irony speech was taken almost word-for-word from an answer Hussie gave to a Formspring question. Or maybe it's a speech that he's been giving for years, and it naturally springs from his lips (or fingers) when the subject is broached. Andrew is a pseudonym based on his real name, and... he thought "Hussie" would be an ironic surname, or something. Also, several of Hussie's webcomicker friends are the other kids. Just because.
  • Jossed. Strider's name is Dirk.

Alpha!Dave remembers the Beta Universe.
Just like The Signless in the Troll session. Which is why he didn't get a montage in the Cascade video.
  • ...He was in every scene with Rose in it, I think that counts as a montage.
    • I think that's referring to the scenes seen through the fenstrated wall, as mentioned above, but it's more likely a coincidence.
      • Who knows, he's dead! Also the Sufferer was unique.

Bro's original fetish was robots, not puppets
However, when he was young, robotics were both too expensive and not advanced enough to meet his desires, so he latched onto puppets as the next best thing, and grew into it through his life. D. Strider, being born later and having money from his brother's movies, was able to build robots to his heart's desire.
  • Doubtful; Dirk is as into puppets as Bro was.

The reason Dirk is such a genius is because he has two active brains.
Both his normal and dream selves are active at all times, so there's no reason to think that he couldn't think with both brains.
  • Which could also explain why Beta session Bro Strider showed no interest in robots: he would have been only half as intelligent as Alpha Dirk.
  • Would that mean that Dirk would no longer be a genius if his dream self died?
  • Jossed: Dirk isn't a genius.

The Auto-Responder has learned about Alternian society from his conversations with Roxy, while Dirk still knows nothing about the trolls.
Primarily guessing because of this page. In talking about Dirk's flushed interest in Jake and plans relating to such, the AR says that they are "beyond the pail" (clearly a reference to the trolls' reproductive cycle), and Dirk doesn't pick up on the reference.
  • Jossed

Dirk is going to stop the Trickster madness.
Let's be real here, Dirk is not gonna have any of this, and his Flash Step abilities are gonna make it impossible for any of the Tricksters to get him. He'll probably either KO them or just go "fuck no" and stop it.
  • Unfortunately Jossed.

Dirk will do the Hearty Thing and let one of his split souls go Trickster.
If he can't escape them, he might as well pull a gambit to let them get what they want and still get out of the tight situation. He might then get ARquiussprite to try and find a way to stop them from spreading the mode any farther.
  • Jossed as far as we know.

Trickster Dirk is Camp Gay

If Dirk does go Trickster, he'll look SBAHJed.
He'll look poorly drawn with noodly limbs, have JPEG artifacts sticking out everywhere, and talk with excessive SBAHJ-style typos and in Comic Sans. There can be no finer way to express the utter craziness of Trickster Mode as far as it concerns him.
  • Sadly Jossed. It's not enough to change him that drastically.

Dirks sprite is a combination of Equius and Gamzee.
This assumes that Gamzee jumps into the sprite with/after Equius's body.
  • Pretty sure this isn't possible, since according to Hussie, after dickin' around in Jane's session, he enters Caliborn's somehow. The bullet-riddled Gamzee is the most recent iteration of him available.
  • Alternatively, he kills kanaya shortly after she kisses rose, and prototypes her, leaving only the trolls that correspond to the cardinal zodiac signs un-prototyped
  • Jossed. It's Equius and AR.

     The Cherubim, Uranian Umbra, and the Thirteenth Troll 
UU is not a cissexual.
Disregarding the Midnight Crew, Homestuck has thus far had an absolute gender equality among its player characters, but if UU is either male or female, the balance would be tipped. Now, while the screen name uranianUmbra most likely refers to the Green Sun's atomic rays, uranian is also an archaic term for a transsexual. Knowing this, it seems likely that she is somehow either both genders at once or neither.
  • That logic actually doesn't apply; for a very long time, J was known to be a mysterious person but there was no indication his gender was fluid. Moreover, Uranian was a originally specific term for a MTF Transsexual, not just any sort of non-binary or non cissexual, and UU seemingly is happy to be identified as a female. In addition, no session can compose of a single player, so it's entirely possible Uranian is simply a reference that makes sense in the context of her own session (i.e. perhaps a celestial body theme, or what have you).
    • Or you can simply chalk it up to UU lying outright and being a First Guardian, which don't really even have gender.
  • Possibly Jossed. If UU isn't lying, her Sburb class is exclusive to female players. Then again, no one ever said that classes were limited to physiologically female players. It might count psychological gender for all we know.
    • She has consistently been referred to as female constantly. She seems to be a Wholesome Crossdresser at worst. Calling this one as Jossed.
    • All that means is that she identifies as female. Whether she is cissexual or trans* is still up in the air, so how is this Jossed?
      • Because usually when a girl says she's a girl, she's a biological girl. There has never been any suggestion remotely of her being anything but a normal cissexual female, and we don't even know if there can be transsexual trolls too, because their gender identity is completely different from humans. The core WMG too is Jossed about the whole gender balance thing too, because there's uu. Speaking in an aside as a writer here too, in all likelihood, while Andrew is an LGBT sympathizer, he doesn't want to touch the pretty emotionally charged subject of transsexuality in a primarily comedic series. Kanaya and Dirk's sexualities are never gone into in great deal, but transexuality is a bit different, and it's genuinely hard for writers to do it proper justice.

UU is a Fairy.
UU seems to be an "Anti-Troll", and fairies seem to be as good a counterpart as any, especially since their existence was foreshadowed by Tavros. And if she does turn out to be evil, that would be perfectly in line with The Fair Folk.
  • She's a troll

UU is a half-human half-troll from the new universe created with this reset session.
After all, we remember how Rose's walkthrough influenced the troll session.
  • She's at least several universes removed, as she has enough sessions to seriously study all the mythological roles in detail. She doesn't seem human at all though, having no idea how they reproduce.
    • She could have studied the universes before the original trolls, or Rose's notes on the subject
      • Jossed, UU is a completely diferent species known as a cherub.

UU is the pre-Scratch Signless / Sufferer
We know that the Signless was a originally a prophet of peace and equality before he was tortured to death, and we know that the troll's world before their own scratch was practically a utopia. uranianUmbra could be the young Signless from a kinder, gentler universe. Being "signless," UU would be free to pick his own symbol, and UU's caduceus is not far from one of the many signs proposed for Ophiuchus, a 13th astrological sign.

Perhaps the biggest barrier to UU being the Signless would be his gender — except that "uranian" can mean transsexual. If the Signless was transgender, it might not be noteworthy to trollish history considering how irrelevant physical sex is to reproduction. Karkat has been teased before for watching "movies for girls," so there's at least a connection between Karkat and muddied gender roles.
  • Alternatively, UU is one of the other 24 pre-Scratch trolls.
    • There's no evidence there's more than 12 pre-Scratch trolls, as indeed that wouldn't make any sense, unless you're including the pre-Scratch ancestors that became the post-Scratch players.
  • Possibly supported by her candy-red cufflink in the shape of half of the Sign of the Signless.
    • But Jossed in that her horns don't match at all. And appearances don't change between Scratched sessions, just look at John and Poppop.

UU is Feferi's ancestor, and trying to sabotage this session.
Just seems to fit with the Betty Crocker things.
  • Horns don't match.

UU is Feferi's ancestor from the Alpha Troll session.
As above, except she is genuinely trying to help the kids... at first. However, she pulls a Face–Heel Turn because something that happens in the kids' session ultimately causes the Alpha Troll session to fail (similar to how the kids' beta session was doomed because of the trolls' failure to put the universe together properly). This would be a reversal of how Karkat and the other trolls were initially hostile to the kids, but later ended up helping them.
  • Alpha is a designation that doesn't mean anything in the Trolls' session, so I assume you mean the original session. If that's the case, this is Jossed by virtue of Feferi not having an ancestor in the Ancestors' session. She was ectobiologically created, which means that she is genetically related to between 1 and 23 other trolls, and no others.
    • Presumably what is meant here is the pre-Scratch version of the Condesce, the one who played the pre-Scratch trolls' session.
      • Jossed; horns don't match and appearances do not change between Scratched sessions, compare John and Poppop.

UU is actually a squiddle
First, she is so painfully cheerful and nice to everyone, just like a squiddle would be, which is stretching it a bit, actually this whole WMG is stretching a bit. But she seems to be cheerful to be a troll, he symbol has also got two snakes intertwining, which is quite like a tangle buddy I guess. Also there was this line:
UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.
Which, you're supposed to think refers to the god tier children, but could actually refer to the god's of the outer ring the inspiration for the squiddles. As well as this Umbral, the second part of her troll handle, means the darkest shadow, where no light could ever reach, once again an inclination that she might be tied in with the dark gods of the outer ring.
  • She's confirmed to be a Troll.

UU is Alternia's pre-Scratch First Guardian
The only Ophiuchus symbolism so far has all referred to Doc Scratch, but a pre-Scratch Alternia would have a different First Guardian. Act 6 seems to be about communicating between reset universes. Only problem is that the hands aren't white.
  • Doesn't she talk about playing the game herself? That wouldn't make sense, considering how players and First Guardians are created.
    • Pre-Scratch Alternia did not have a First Guardian, which is partially why they needed to Scratch.

UU is responsible for the failure of the Pre-Scratch Troll session
  • WARNING EPILEPTICTREES AHEAD: In line with the theory that Complacency of the Learned has something to do with UU's true identity, UU is the thirteenth troll of the Pre-Scratch Troll session engaged in a game against Lord English with the goal being to beat him for good. While ensuring that the Alpha kids succeed in their session she actively attempts to sabotage her own session to create a situation that will force her fellow players to initiate the Scratch which would lead to the events of Homestuck as we know them. Since she is the leader of her session she would most likely use ectobiology to do this (possibly making her responsible for Karkat's mutation)or by killing them all (keeping in line with Cot L). As for why she is no longer present in the post-scratch troll session it could be that ectobiology shenanigans caused her to cease to exist or she was removed from play due to her actions hindering the success of the session (thus giving it a better chance to succeed).
    • There were only 12 players in the Pre-Scratch session according to Doc and Word of God.
      • Don't forget, though, that players != impact on session. Dad, Mom, Bro and Grandpa were all running around doing things. Bro even began the process of the Scratch. Grandpa somehow entered and escaped the session completely independent of how the kids even entered.

On Alternia, UU is the chumhandle for all NPCs.
We've already seen two uus- one uppercase, one lowercase. It could be a possibility that on Alternia, all Npcs on the planet, instead of having a theme to their names, would have the generic title of uu, much like in a conventional RPG how an NPC was given the generic name of "Citizen" or "somethingorother 1/2/etc".
  • Rendered irrelevant by later revelations.

uu and UU aren't from a pre-scratch session
Judging by the latest flash, troll society returns in the Alpha Session's future Earth. They might be from this future Earth and are communicating with the Alpha kids via time shenanigans as opposed to being from a different universe. It might also explain UU's knowledge of human society. It's not another universe to her, it's history!
  • Her knowledge of Sburb and the depth of that knowledge seems to suggest that isn't the case, as does the fact that UU refers to many many sessions that have come and gone. UU also told Jane she was from another universe. We also don't know that the buildings are inhabited or not; after all, the Condesce would have a pretty hard time establishing troll society given all the tribulations and trials it entails even for Kanaya who has a matriorb. However, it would fit into a neat sense of symmetry, and is well within the scope of possibility.
    • Given that UU's tome of knowledge is heavily suggested to be Rose and Kanaya's journal, it's highly possible.
      • Possibly Jossed by Dirk's confirmed that no trolls are on Alpha Earth.
      • In his own time. That says nothing about their future, especially if this is related to Kanaya's recreated matriorb.
      • That assumes his earth has a future.
  • Not quite Jossed, but most of the supporting evidence on both sides is irrelevant.
    • Yes her info comes from Kanaya and Rose's Book, so the premises are false, and as such, Jossed.

UU and uu are the Mirthful Messiahs
So until uu was introduced, I was convinced the cycle of universes Hussie was showing was Alpha!Trolls—>scratch—>Beta!Trolls—>Beta!Kids—>scratch—>Alpha!Kids—>Alpha!Trolls etc. But then these two and their two-player session throw a wrench in. But if you successfully create a universe you become its gods ... so what if they created the Alpha!Troll universe? And became its gods?
  • Jossed. Word of God is that A) The Alpha Troll session was created by a 48 player session of unknown species and B) Doc Scratch and Lord English are the Mirthful Messiahs.
    • (A) was an obvious joke and part of his Running Gag about doing an act about a 48 player Squiddle session in response to whining about how long Hivebent took the plot away from the kids.
      • A is canon. Karkat has alluded to this being the case with references to the Troll Zodiac having 48 symbols. Only the fact that they're Squiddles is a joke, and that may not even be the case!
      • Hussie said that Lord English and Doc Scratch were the one's perceived as the Mirthful Messiahs, so if one is Lord English...
      • Nevertheless, they're not the Troll's mirthful messiahs. Certainly seem to calling back to them.

UU isn't cosplaying
The horns and gray skin are real. Combining the River Song reference and the possibility that UU really is an alien, UU looks like a troll and trolls look like UU, but they're different species.
  • She seems to be a troll pretty completely! Going with Jossed since there's no evidence of a species that looks like trolls but aren't them?

UU's 'brother' is Jake
UU: i am so pleased to be a prospit dreamer. i'm sUre my brother finds his netherworldly affiliation similarly pleasing.
She never explicitly stated that her brother was a derse dreamer; she merely stated that he had "netherwordly" affiliations, which may be merely foreshadowing of Lord English. Thus, she may be the daughter of Jade and Karkat, as her symbol contains both their colors.
  • He's a Derse dreamer and Jake's dreamself is dead.

UU is Her Imperial Condescension
  • Or maybe The Handmaid
  • Or BETTY CROCKER!!!
    • Jossed, the Empress is on Derse. Possibly for The Handmaid too since HIC has Lord English's multicolored "aura" and Doc Scratch promised to let "Aradiacestor" die after recruiting the Empress.

UU is the descendant of Exiles
Her grey skin is the result of the blending of Prospitan and Dersite white and black, and her horns are just a cosplay outfit. This would explain why she has access to an exile terminal. Nothing has ever said that a universe can only spawn via Sburb once, and it would explain why it's important for exiles to reseed a planet after it's been scourged by the Reckoning.
  • Alien blood colors = Troll
    • Does it now? What about Snowman's blue blood?
      • Snowman is a very special exception. Besides, she and her brother both have alien blood colors and haven't demonstrated any of the properties Snowman did, so it's safe to say they do genuinely have alien blood colors as they're trolls. At any rate, Jossed for another reason; Exile hands do not look like UU's. They either have 5 distinct fingers or claws.

In the new session, a cancer troll doesn't exist.
There isn't a troll that corresponds with the cancer symbol (except maybe UU? but she's more of a replacement, or probably the Disciple) in the new session, because the Sufferer/Karkat and his blood color was an anomaly and was never meant to be, so the game just removed him, or the "cancer" of the broken session. The Alpha Trolls are decked out in Sufferer symbols because they found the Beta session, maybe the kids send out a message, and were completely fascinated, like how Kanaya was when she found Rose's walkthrough.
  • UU's session doesn't correspond to both known Troll sessions at all.
    • UU and uu are both not based on cancer, so Jossed.

There are 12 "Anti-Trolls", and uranianUmbra is one of them.
It would make sense: all the kids in Alpha session are inverts of the kids in beta session, so rather than being trolls the aliens would be the opposites of the trolls from Hivebent. UU is definitely the opposite of Karkat so far. They probably aren't even called trolls or anything like that. They're probably named after the fantasy opposite: Elves.
  • UU's race is the perfect combo of the pre- and post-scratch Troll race — compassionate and effective. Or to use various Something Awful theories, UU's race is the pre-scratch Trolls themselves in some sort of moebius quadruple reach-around to trap Lord English in the same four universes for some reason.
    • There are at least 2, and possibly 3 Trolls in UU's session, so we're on the way towards it.
  • Jossed. Only 2.

UU will go overboard with themes
Her cheerhandle and caduceus symbol refer to Ophiuchus (an alternative zodiac), Uranus, uranium, Hermes/Mercury, medicine (although that's a different symbol), and the snake in the Eastern Zodiac. That's a lot of symbolism for one player; if she's part of a group that's like six Quirky Miniboss Squads in one and that's assuming there's eleven or twelve more of them.
  • What if the new batch of trolls do have the Eastern Zodiac as their theme?
    • If there's 11 more, no problem. If a version of the Beta Trolls are with UU then "Vriska's" spider/scorpion or "Karkat's" crab can replace the traditional odd-one-out, the cat.
      • Trolls that already correspond: Equius-horse, Nepeta-tiger, Tavros-Ox/Bull, Aradia-ram, Terezi-Dragon, UU-snake. Unattached: dog, rooster, monkey, rat, rabbit, pig, and cat; Karkat, Kanaya, Feferi, Sollux, and Vriska; Eridan and Gamzee can stand in for the dragon (sea horse) and ram (goat), respectively.
    • Jossed. There's two and they're both loosely related to the same sign.

uranianUmbra is a shared account.
Yes, UU might be of ambiguous gender, and they're strongly hinted to be a girl, but there was no rule saying that their account could be run by two people who alternate between each other, a he and a she, the girl taking charge most of the time. Following this, it doesn't disturb the Male/Female ratio in the child characters.
  • This also fits the constellation of Ophiuchus, which can be subdivided into Ophiuchus himself and the snake, Serpentarius. So theoretically there can be two new characters introduced, one with the symbol of a snake and temptation, and another with the symbol of a healer.
  • And it has also been revealed that she does indeed have a "brother", so to speak, so both taking control of the computer is not that farfetched.
  • Opiuchus itself was first proposed as part of a 14-sign zodiac (the 14th sign, if you're curious, was Cetus). Note that Cetus is the denizen of Rose - see the WMG about UU and Rose below.
    • Combining with the below theory, uranianUmbra could be a human girl obsessed with Homestuck (which might remain as a webcomic, as she read about all of them through text) and she could just be roleplaying her fantroll. The reason why she knows so much is because she really doesn't, and is making most of the stuff she says up. her "brother", on the other hand, helps her use her account when she runs out of ideas to type. Also, there was a lime part and a gray part to her symbol; a troll's symbol is only the color of their blood, and trolls can't have two types of blood. Her symbol is the gray rod, which usually means mutant red blood, as Karkat (and by that extention, the whole of the human race) had. Her "brother", the trollier parts of the account, provides the Lime blood, which is why she said that her brother has a different type of blood than her. they didn't want to make seperate accounts to talk to the alphas so they combined.
  • Jossed. While UU might have two separate personalities, both of those personalities have separate accounts.
    • Until we see them interacting with each other or in the flesh, having two accounts does not necessarily imply that they aren't the same person. (undyingUmbrage could be an inverted Sock Puppet.) Also, sharing the same letters for their chumhandles might indicate two identities on the same account. Plus uu's symbol is an alternate take on an Ophiuchus sign, which links them well.
      • Still the idea that the account uranianUmbra is a shared one is rather conclusively Jossed. The idea behind the WMG was pretty close though!

UU has some relation to Aradia
A few people have made River Song comparisons with UU. River is a time traveling archeologist. Also, uracil base pairs with adenine in RNA, meaning the counterpart to UU would be AA.
  • UU is much more closely related to Karkat.

UU and her "brother" were killed by the Beta Trolls win the Beta session
Somebody above pointed out that Ophiuchus was originally proposed as a 14-sign zodiac that also included Cetus. When we first meet Eridan and Feferi, they're killing a whale lusus. It's possible that this was the lusus of UU's "brother", who will be based off of the sign of Cetus. The two of the where originally killed by either Eridan or Vriska, and somehow the two of them escaped/were brought back to life by the Scratch, and are now under the guise of gaining trust with the Alpha Kids. UU might use her trusted position to tell them that the Beta Trolls are enemies that they need to defeat. What's more is that UU's session could have more than just her "Brother", and include several other trolls who were killed by the Betas.
  • Seemingly Jossed. They apparently exist in a universe many iterations of Sburb down the line from the Alpha Universe

UU's "brother" is the MSPA Reader.
In keeping with the idea that UU Represents the fandom, she could represent the Hivebent fandom, specifically, which is why she has "different colored blood" than her "brother". He, on the other hand, represents the Kid/Miscellaneous fandom, and winds up on Derse thanks to his suicidal tendencies. why suicidal? Take a look at this. It also keeps with their brother/sister theme, with both representing an aspect of the fandom.
  • Jossed. He's the anti-fans of Homestuck.

UU's 'brother' is the "Let me tell you about HOMESTUCK" meme guy
He's only playing because he has to, he was tricked, or he's trying to be a good brother and playing along with his deluded fangirl sister.
  • Jossed

The U session spawns the pre-scratch Trolls
It's specifically said (albeit by Doc Scratch) that one of the reasons for the pre-scratch Troll's failure is that they were spawned in a session separate to their own. UU and uu make their own session, meaning they would be apart from all others known. While it's said that, yes, Lord English does make this happen through "a subtle glitch", but it's very possible this is exactly how this glitch manifests.
  • Given Rose's exposition about the Scratch, this does not seem to be the case.

uranianUmbra is the pre-scratch Karkat.
  • Think about it, if Karkat wasn't a mutant his blood would've been a lime green, the same colour shown on UU's rod. All pre-scratch trolls seem to be inversions of their post-scratch selves, and so the grumpy Karkat becomes the overly nice UU. Exept that UU's female. eh.
    • Jossed as UU's horns have already been shown to not match the Sufferer's.

uu has indigo blood.
There was something about the way he started babbling about Lil Cal and juju. It sounded like something Gamzee might talk about.
  • Based on his symbol, he seems to have candy red for additional connections to Karkat.
  • Jossed by UU, he has candy red blood.

uranianUmbra is Karkat's descendant
According to the character sheet, UU swaps the 6's in Karkat's typing color for 9's, in terms of hex codes; the two are also similar-but-different in their approach to those they talk to (Jane and Jake for UU, Jade and John for CG). UU also mentions that she wants to know who her ancestor is, paralleling Karkat, who is not sure he even has an ancestor. If the trolls and the humans get into Universe C (following UU's name scheme), and Jane uses her stuff to recreate the matriorb, there could be trolls living in Universe C and playing Sgrub there. UU would then be a player in that session (the Hero of Space, probably, since she is awake early on Prospit, like Kanaya and Jade, without the trauma that awoke Terezi-hmm...). Her prospit-knowledge (or maybe something else) would tell her about what happened in the past, and what she has to do to help make herself happen.
  • JOSSED.

UU will be a Hero of Doom.
Given the current dead/not dead state of Sollux, the Heart and Void titles may not be the only titles that are unaccounted for. Since (according to her chatlog), UU is also playing the game (whether in the pre-scratch troll session or a different session entirely), she may end up filling in the empty title slot. It would also be incredibly ironic for her to get the "Doom" title, given her optimistic persona.
  • Or appropriate, given the "she's actually a villain" theories.
    • Or appropriate if heroic because, as Kanaya said, the game likes to challenge people to grow in new directions. We also don't know what "doom" powers are other than maybe Sollux's ability to hear the soon-to-be dead, but they might not be all that bad since they're meant to belong to a hero.
      • Or appropriate if she has lime-green blood, a la the color of The Felt members and Lord English. Especially if there is a deeper connection there.
    • Or it could be using doom in the original destiny/fate sense, which fits her thematically. Remember her constant warnings of casual spoilers and not wanting to change things?
  • Going along with this, UU will be a hero of doom, while uu will be a hero of Rage.
  • According to standard session rules, in a two player session, one will be a Hero of Space and one will be a Hero of Time. The only apparent loophole is if UU and uu are in fact the same person, in which case they might simply be a single Hero of Doom, as Sollux also displayed duality.
    • Also, if you think about it, all of the other trolls had unique aspects, separate from one another (ignoring those who are Scratch counterparts). But Sollux was the Gemini troll- there's a precedent for two trolls to share his aspect!
  • Jossed. UU is the Muse of Space.

UU will be a Hero of Life.
The overt symbolic connection between her pseudo-caduceus symbol / her horns and a DNA double-helix / the wavy tendril of the Life symbol make this one a good fit too.
  • Jossed. Muse of Space.

Either UU or uu will be a Hero of Rage.
Gamzee had to reach God Tier somehow. He probably died on one of their quest beds.
  • The most logical explanations are a) that's not Gamzee (somehow), b) he's somehow wearing the God Tier outfit without actually going god-tier, or c) there's a third, as-yet-unrevealed way to go god tier.
  • Jossed.

UU is Calmasis, and is a son or grandson of Skaia, or something similar
AH in Troll makeup Calmasis UU's sleaves My guess is that UU is the same race AH and Charles s Dutton are (mentioned on the wiki as the son and respectively grandson of Skaia), and posesses similar traits. Also Calmasis is an 8 letter word (same as with the ancestors), while Andrew Hussie is 6/6 (just like regular trolls). Predicant Scholar is 9/7 and sounds a lot like a Prospitian/Dersite name. I have no idea if this is significant in any way whatsoever.
  • Going with the previous guess, this could imply that UU is somehow related to the MSPA Reader who may or may not be the brother she was talking about.
  • Oh for the love of... 20 bucks say he's reading this.
  • Jossed with the revelation of UU's species.

UU's class is the Sylph.
All of the titles revealed so far in the Alpha version of the universe had only one representative prior to the Scratch. Keeping with this, it's most likely that the classes that are going to be used in the future are the Bard, Mage, Thief or Sylph. UU already stated that her class is exclusive to females in her conversation with Roxy, and that the Thief is strongly inclined to go to females but not exclusively so. Since we have a male Mage and Bard, going by the process of elimination by far the most likely class for UU to have is the Sylph.
  • Additionally, her aspect is either Rage, Doom, Blood, and Mind, all of which have only had one representative so far.
    • 2 player session implies Time or Space.
      • Unless UU and uu are actually the same person. A one-player session has not been discussed, but could very well mean Doom rather than Space.
      • Or neither of them are actually Heroes of Space or Time. The four Alpha kids didn't get either, likely because their session knows that they will be joined by other Heroes of Time and Space shortly. This makes it likely that UU and uu fall in the pool of Blood, Rage, Mind and Doom.
      • The Alpha Session is unique.
    • She's the Muse of Space

This is stupid.
I know it's very likely that Hussie is just trolling, but what if he really is UU, while uu is Spades Slick? Just think about uu's icon (a black U with a red wavy line over it). Reminds me a lot of that one time he cut his hand. Plus he currently has a mechanical red eye, while the rest of his body is black and dark gray. Not to mention he's linked to Derse, and his chumhandle contains the word "undying". Slick DOES have some trouble dying, considering all the stuff he survived.
  • I was thinking about adding a theory "UU is Ms. Paint, and uu is the MSPA Reader" but I think there was already a "uu=MSPA Reader" theory out there at the time.
  • Jossed.

UU and uu are from the A1 universe in some fashion.
My sole reason for this guess is the newest album, coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A. In the title, the letters in the "coloUrs" and "mayhem" are all 12 previously shown troll blood colors (i.e. Karkat's red but not the missing lime blood) and one gray U. 7+6 letters. The prominent gray U may be a signal that UU and uu are somehow tied to the A1 session (during or after the A1 session).
  • Don't you mean A2?
    • Nope, I mean A1, as in Meenah & Aranea's universe. All trolls in A2 were killed by the Vast Glub before the universe itself was destroyed, and since Sollux is the originator of SGRUB in A2 and only sent it to his friends, no one else could have played it.
      It's ambiguous whether or not a Scratch rewrites a session's originating universe or spawns a new one. (If multiple sessions from the same universe scratched, what would happen?) UU calls them different instances. This may mean that trolls on other planets in the same universe could play if creating A2 doesn't destroy A1 — just the SBURB session that triggered the process.
  • Jossed if UU is to be trusted. She outright states they're from a universe not remotely connected to the chain of A1->B2 sessions.
  • Truly Jossed

UU will either be a Doom or Rage player, while uu will either be Mind or Blood
That is, if he's a separate being from uu. "Undying" could involve the Doom Aspect, while Umbrage could represent the Rage Aspect. uu is most likely a Blood player, as she shares Karkat's passion for Troll Romance. Many of the characters' personalities and hobbies have somehow influenced or represented their abilites later in the game. Also, these four Aspects are the only ones that haven't been used for more than once character. Also, I left the room for a bit, and when I came back, the Edit Lock timer was at 4:13. This is a sign.
  • Got the genders/tags mixed up there?
    • Jossed by the mechanics of the game; the two of them are the only players in their session, so therefore they must be Time and Space, which are required for every Session, including unsuccessful ones.
      • I mean, Skaia knew that the Alpha session would be joined by the Beta session, so who's to say they HAVE to be Time and Space?
      • Word of God is that those are the only two necessary elements. The Alpha Session's mythology has made it completely apparent at every stage of the information given about it that it has eight players, whereas the UU session is said to only have two. If their session was going to be added to in some fashion, it would be apparent. Besides, the Alpha Session is essentially unique, as it took a ridiculously specific set of circumstances to get the Beta Kids to the Alpha Session.
    • The sole exception is if UU and uu are a single individual, in which case they might be a Hero of Doom, however that is a separate WMG already covered above.
  • All of the above is Jossed. They are the Space & Time players after all.

uu's name is English
Yes, ''the'' English. LE's time shenanigans are infamous and uu is a hero of time, possibly a Lord (see above).
  • Jossed. We have been told by Doc Scratch that English is not his true name.
Which means...

uu is a human.
That candy red blood is no mutation.
  • UU's lime green blood is a variation of that avocado-green blood that showed up in CSI (which also had an episode that featured a dude with chimera-ism, though no split personalities that I recall) - every time the uu personality goes to sleep it causes the release of chemicals that turn UU's blood green.
    • Eh, that notion runs into too many problems. Ironically enough, one of them is the biggest clue yet pointing towards the split-personality theory, just because of how long it would take them to go through the game. Also, during uu's first conversation with Dirk his personality, according to a previous WMG, started to give way to UU's - shouldn't it be the other way around?

UU is a green-blooded troll.
There's a case for her being either one of the yet unseen limeblood caste, or a uranium-green mutant. The latter would reflect Karkat's candy red through the post-Scratch world's red/green swap, while the former is a likely source of her "Limey" Commonwealth dialect.
  • I personally prefer the idea of UU being black-blooded. It's the only troll blood color we know exists that we haven't seen in a kid yet. That way we can say (s)he's the descendant/ancestor of (some version of) His Honorable Tyranny, or whatever class he would be the lusus for.
    • That assumes that His Honorable Tyranny is a troll, which I think is pretty unlikely given his size, chitinous appearance, and strange-looking head. He's probably just an intelligent monster.
      • Word of God is that he's just some big lobster monster, and not any sort of troll or lusus. Having blood off the hemospectrum entirely was Hussie's way of showing this.
    • If there's more of UU's kind they'll all have eye-shatteringly bright (acid?) blood. Additionally, all the other "cheers" have pastel-colored, sorry, coloUred blood because they're the opposite of the trolls.
    • Not only is His Honorable Tyranny not a troll, but we have Word of God that lime is the only one not accounted for so far, having been seen on the walls of the Grand Highblood's room.note note  Note that UU's caduceus symbol is lime-coloUred.
  • Assuming UU isn't lying, this WMG is confirmed.
    • She was lying by omission - she never actually called herself a troll. She may still have green blood, but she most definitely isn't a troll. Jossed.

Either UU or uu is a mutant paradox clone/descendant/ancestor of the other.
According to the chart on this page, paradox babies are sent to various points in time in pairs. If UU and uu are only playing a 2-player session, then they must be clones of each other. It would also explain why UU refers to uu as a sibling.
  • Furthermore, the Pre-Scratch troll players were a primarily (if the Pisces troll is any indication) peaceful race while the Post-Scratch troll players were extremely violent and murderous (except for Feferi, Tavros, and Gamzee when he was high). It's not a stretch to say their ancestors are polar opposites of their descendants, and when you look at the cheerful and supportive UU versus her angry and violent sibling...
    • Jossed via misunderstanding. Ectobabies are always made in pairs, even trolls, and double the number of players are produced. The UU session, having 2 players, would have 4 babies, and the two who aren't UU and uu would be their Ancestors / Biological parents. However, it could be a desynchronized session, in that one player comes from the past and the other from the future, in which case one might be the genetic parent of the other.

undyingUmbrage is a cyborg.
Here's my theory if Slick isn't uu. Since Hussie is dressed up as UU, then Slick may be (unwillingly) dressed up as uu. As the above contributor mentioned, Slick has a black & grey theme with a red eye. Maybe uu does too.
  • Pretty damn close to Jossed, including the underlying assumption.
  • Sharing the same body, this is pretty much irrelevant now.
  • Oddly enough, He wasn't a cyborg when this was posted, but now is.

Various UU Troll Theories
  • UU is somehow connected to THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD. Look at those horns. Sure, slightly more wavy, BUT LOOK AT DEM CURVES http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=006465
    • Confirmed: The Grand Highblood's post-scratch self, Kurloz Makara, is conspiring with undyingumbrage (Caliborn, or Lord English).
  • UU is the Troll Empress. Andrew said it himself that out of the trolls that would most likely survive the Vast Glub, Feferi and the Troll Empress would on account of their blood colour. And since there are no other trolls left besides the 12 we already know....
    • Jossed because the Empress is Ancestor and therefore shares the Pisces sign with her.
  • UU stands for "umbralUltimatum". That track in Volume 6? A hint to the trolltag UU would use.
    • It should be mentioned that "Umbral Ultimatum" is a remix of (among other things) "Unbreakable Union", which was the music played for Jade's strife with Bec. So it's possible the UU troll is connected to Jade or Bec in some fashion; and would likely be Jade's (adopted) grandson.
  • UU would look a lot like Rose, as Kanaya had envisioned her to be. The horns on her head look a lot like snake fangs.
    • Too similar to Feferi... perhaps if one horn was like a fang and the other had two small points at the end, like the forked tongue of a reptile?
    • Jossed. Her horns look like corkscrews (or at least very wavy), like the snakes on the rod of Asclepsius.
  • If Kanaya doesn't find a way to restore the matriorb, UU will have a convenient way of restoring the Troll race.
  • UU is Jade's Grandson. Unless his parents were double first cousins, it's a bit out there to assume he's completely human, and it's been confirmed that trolls and humans can have kids via ectobiology.
    • Unless UU is a reincarnation of Karkat, set to appear after her dies, like in the virus he programs shortly after we meet him (see above). If it appears as a baby, perhaps Jade or her kids adopt it. It would still be a troll...
    • Jossed. Jade's Grandson is Jake English.
  • UU is Troll Rose (since UU can be a replacement for TT). Much like Ophiuchus/Serpentarius himself, she is acknowledged by a minority (i.e. Kanaya) but not part of the official group of trolls; to the majority (the other eleven), she doesn't even exist.
  • UU was a regular troll who was outside of the group and died within the meteors. Because sometimes, the simplest answer is the best one.
  • Jossed by UU's actual introduction. She is not any of these things. See separate WMGs for speculation on her identity.

The new trolls that have been repeatedly speculated at will colonize Alpha Earth.
Betty Crocker/the Condesce is clearly working to remake Earth in her own race's image (or at least, her own spot on the hemospectrum). It could be a suitable place for the recreated trolls to find a home. More radically, this could be home to uranianUmbra and undyingUmbrage; UU has said some things that suggest otherwise, but it explains the similarity between her and Calmasis.
  • Jossed directly by Dirk.
    • Uranian Umbra isn't a troll, but it is true that trolls took over the Earth and that the Cherubim live on it Post-Condescension, but these two facts are unrelated.

When uuUU changes personalities, their skin changes color.
Calliope and uu appear to share a body, but they have different blood colors. This suggests that when they switch, their body's blood changes color from lime green to red. Trolls' gray skin completely conceals their blood colors, but cherubs may be different, especially since Calliope has lime green blood and dark green skin. Furthermore, uu's picture seems to depict him with gray skin and red cheeks.
  • Jossed. uu has the same green tone as Calliope.

Cherubim don't have eyelids.
So far, Calliope's eyes seem to be fully open all of the time, even when her expression changes. And I can't even picture any eyelids that could fit over Lord English's billiard ball eyes. Plus, the lack of eyelids seems appropriate for a skull face. Chalk up yet another reason it sucks to be Calliope — that must sting.

The Cherub's session is the Alpha Kids session
There are two unused noble elements, leaving room for Calliope to a member of a Land of ____ and Argon and Caliborn room to be a Land of ____ and Radon. (I've chosen that pairing since radon is the second leading cause of lung cancer and is radioactive, while argon comes from the Greek word from "inactive".)
  • Considering that each of the Alphas' lands also involve some form of burial site, here are some possible full names;
    • Calliope: Land of Mausoleums and Argon
    • Caliborn: Land of Graves and Radon
  • Jossed. The Cherubs are in their own session, Caliborn is the only player, and his land has a different name.

The theoretical Ophiuchus troll is Rose.
Specifically, the troll version of Rose that Kanaya imagines while reading the walkthrough. The callsign for this hypothetical troll is UU, using Uracil to fit with the genetic Theme Naming; Uracil replaces Thymine in RNA, so TT = UU.
  • Probably not, there is no UU yet.
  • And when there was, she was nothing like this.

The thirteenth Troll is Hussie himself
Because so far he's done more trolling than the other 12 trolls put together.
  • 13th doesn't exist as of current canon.

    Betty Crocker/Her Imperious Condescension 

The other planets in Betty Crocker's "multi-global empire" are the planets Jade brought from the Beta session.
Assuming the Kids ended up on Alpha Earth, Jade probably put the planets somewhere nearby, and Alpha Earth discovered and colonized them.
  • Did you see the opening flash? There clearly aren't planets. Moreover, Jade's plan is to go to the session, not Earth. What's more likely is that the Empress and/or the new First Guardian manipulated Humans to go to space.
  • I have a feeling 'multi-global' just refers to the fact that the Betty Crocker empire exists on Beta Earth and Alternia as well as Alpha Earth.
    • Jossed: It actually just refers to the Mars colony.

On Alpha Earth, Betty Crocker is Feferi.
It's been suggested that Betty Crocker is The Condesce, and a Scratch appears to cause the heroes and ancestors to switch places. Maybe that's why Jane Crocker is such a Betty Crocker fangirl, while Nanna had nothing but contempt for The Batterwitch?
  • Unlikely; Betty Crocker disappeared suddenly on Beta Earth, so it just makes more logical sense for her to be on Alpha Earth than for Feferi to have come back to life somehow.
    • Not back to life — the adult Feferi from the pre-Scratch troll universe is a separate person.
  • It made more sense before we started to get an idea that Alpha!BC is pretty sinister too, given the subliminal messages in her ads.note 
  • Jossed: She's the Empress.

Post-scratch Earth is Pre-Scratch Alternia.
Upon wiping out all the humans, the Condesce, having already realized the anguish of losing her species once, turns her new troll society into a peaceful land where all their dreams may come true. Unfortunately, she's didn't account for the planet to get another chance to play S Burb, which will be English's punishment for her abandoning her mission to destroy that universe.
  • Jossed via mistaken assumption: Word of God directly stated that Pre-Scratch Alternia was created by a 48 player session of unknown species. However, the players of that session didn't originate from it, and possibly came from the Condesce's Earth. The mystery Pisces Troll in particular seems to hail from a place that looks strikingly similar to a flooded city.
    • Nothing for the formspring is canon unless confirmed in the comic, especially stuff from ages before it is pertinent.
      • Andrew has mentioned this on the MSPA Forums, Tumblr, Formspring, and directly in comic with Karkat referring to the 48 zodiac symbols of Alternia, which Word of God also says are the subconscious echoes of memories of the players who created the universe. It is canon. Besides, a lot of stuff from Formspring is canon; Andrew is a Teasing Creator yes but his statements can be pretty reliably trusted.

The Condesce (Feferi's ancestor) was as nice as Feferi.
  • She was unable to reform the trolls' Evil Empire because she was a puppet empress isolated from reality by her advisors.
    • Where did this name come from? I thought she was just The Empress. Also she's the one who casually planned to murder Feferi and propelled troll society to become a murderous galactic empire in the span of roughly a century so....
    • JOSSED. Though it is possible that pre!scratch Feferi Ancestor was nice.
      • She seems to have shown up too and wow is she creepy.

Betty Crocker is a First Guardian.
Barring any unexpected additions to the plot, this is the most likely explanation for her not being human and still being alive prior to the Kids' session. It also helps to explain her ubiquitousness.

The Batterwitch was responsible for setting the kids up to meet each other
They had to meet somehow, and since they live in different time frames there's no way it could have happened naturally. If I recall correctly, the Beta kids met up due to John's package being sent to Jade in the past (I can't remember why that happened, I think it was exiles maybe?), but the alpha session is so broken that even if that happened, Jake never would have been able to find Dirk or Roxy.
  • Dirk and Roxy already have access to technology that warps space. It's not much of a stretch for them to have technology that warps time too, at least in the sense that Trollian does. Moreover, UU was in contact with all of them, and may have helped Dirk and Roxy get in contact with Jake and Jane. Jake also accidentally managed to come in contact with Jade, so it's also possible he simply accidentally contacted the others.
  • I somehow doubt UU would connect them up, because of her not wanting to reveal spoilers. I also wouldn't be surprised if Dirk and Roxy had the tech to communicate backwards in time lying around their houses, but I get the feeling that the Batterwitch is manipulating a whole lot of what's going on.
    • Rose suggests they have some sort of Trollian-esque client.
  • Yeah, I understand that they have the technology to communicate with each other, but then they also would have the tech to communicate with any of the other eight billion people on the planet, or heck, they could probably talk to people even further in the past. The question is how they met two random kids from four thousand years in the past.
    • How did John and Jade meet on the internet with thousands of people around? Oh right, because the plot needs that to happen. Besides there's historical interest for Dirk to have tried to get in contact with the heiress of the Empress's pre-invasion empire.
      • Also because Jade sent to herself in the past John's present causing her to try to contact him.
  • Jossed: Dirk said UU organized it, however he and Roxy both did have historical interest in contacting Jake and Jane specifically as the son of Grandma English and the Heiress to the Crockercorp Empire.
    • We don't know if the Batterwitch could have influenced UU.
      • It's pretty evident as of now she couldn'tve.

Some humans escaped the Condesce's invasion of Earth through some sort of ark
Not only would this be a Biblical reference, it would also be a reference to the White Ship of MOTHER 3. This troper is betting on a free colony of humans hidden somewhere on Mars.
  • Isn't that more likely how the Exiles ended up on Earth?
  • Jossed by Dirk.

The Condesce's request for Roxy...
... is to take Earth into the new universe the kids create, thereby saving it from destruction by Bec Noir's Red Miles. Roxy's power allows her to steal things from the Void for the benefit of others- meaning she can steal objects from other universes and sessions when she Ascends to God Tier, including whole planets.
  • Looking Jossed. The Condesce wants her to recreate the matriorb by stealing the nothingness from it.

    UNSORTED 

Aradia and Sollux's upcoming encounter with Jack will be a musical Flash file.
...which will end with the words "Happy New Year."
  • Might be a flash but Jossed on the new year dealie.
  • By all appearances, we're not going to get that encounter at all.

As compensation for losing their roles as players, post-Scratch ancestors get to be awesome.
All of the Troll Ancestors were powerful, influential, or memorable in some way (though some were also miserable). And the Kids' Alpha Session counterparts were all incredibly successful (except for Jade, who could have been, but instead chose to fight the Evil Empire).
  • Alternatively, experience carries over from before the Scratch. The original Trolls almost completed the game, and the Kids all reached God Tier before or during the Scratch, so they would start at high levels in their new lives as ancestors. This could also be why the Trolls and Alpha Kids seemed to start out more powerful than the original Kids.
    • Jossed: They're all dead.

John's Ectobiology Session sent those children into the Alpha Session
In summary here, to be clearer: Dave bought a bunny. He gave it to John. John gave it to Baby Mother (alpha) Lalonde. Mother Lalonde gives it to Roxy, who dresses it up like a wizard and gives it to Jane Crocker. Jane gives it to Baby Rose. Baby Rose fixes it up a bit and gives it to John. John gives it to Baby Grandma English. Grandma English gives it to Jake, who dresses it up like Indy and gives it to Jane. Jane gives it to Baby Jade. Jade transmaterializes it to Jake, who cyborgifies it and sends it back. And so on. Dirk steals the Alpha Bunny and put it into a nigh-indestructible robot shell, in which it stays safe from time shenanigans. John and Poppop are both sent back with copies of Sassacre. Brother (alpha) Strider is sent with Maplehoof, and breeds it/alchemizes it to make a tiny Maplehoof for some reason. As far as I can tell, he has a CAPTCH Aroid and an alchemiter, in order to make the Autoresponder. Dave is sent back with Tiny Maplehoof. Dirk is sent back with Lil' Cal, and so is Bro.
  • Jossed: We outright saw John make only 8 children, and the Alpha and Beta bunnies have been confirmed to be completely different. We also saw that meteors from Skaia's green portals went to Earth at various points in time, so again, there is no indication the Beta Ectobabies went to the Alpha Universe.
    • The jossing logic was flawed, but the conclusion was correct. Only 8 children were made, but they were sent to alternative points in time.

While classes cannot be repeated within an individual session, a successful 12-element session can have repeats
While each element does something distinctly different, the different classes don't have all that much effect on the abilities. Having two witches instead of a witch and a sylph probably wouldn't cause any problems anywhere. And my whole pairs shenanigans (see the Wall of Text above) falls apart if Jane has been confirmed to be Maid of Life. I was previously unaware that that had been actually confirmed. As it stands in the comic, ignoring Word of God, it could still just be trolling on Hussie's part. If I recall correctly, Hussie has, in fact, trolled the readership once or twice? So classes just end up randomly distributed. This still leads to the four-alpha-kids, four-beta-kids, three-trolls, and one-awkard-slot-left-over-for-Doom situation above. Only now I can't peg the last slot as Page, which cuts at the evidence for Dave Sprite as the last player. He's still pretty doomed though.
  • Jossed: No title ever repeats in a session, and they all have meaning. The difference between a Witch and a Slyph has yet to be explained, but is seemingly very significant.

UU is from the universe the kids will create.
She assures that Jane and co. will be successful in their session.... Hey, why are you looking at me like that?
  • ... Except I actually was about to post this theory- Hello alternate universe me. Adding on to 'my past universe self's' theory, the reason UU wants to sync up the start of their session with the session of the Alphas is because of the boundless help it offers both sides, and UU might want to be the reason his/her universe is created, in similar terms to Vriska wanting to be the reason Bec was protoyped. Nope, no stares at ALL.
  • The events of mid Act 6 and the conclusion of Act 7 heavily imply this theory is correct.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WMG/HomestuckJossedThree