WMG / Homestuck Jossed Four

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    Sburb Mechanics 
Someone must die in order for a Dream Self to awaken.
From the ones we've seen, Dream John awoke when Dream Jade died, and Derse Dream Sollux awoke when the normal Sollux died. Prospit Dream Sollux may have already been awake (as Sollux references seeing the future), and Sollux was used to kill Aradia, so maybe he woke up when Aradia was killed. Dream Jade may have awoken when Grandpa died. Dream Rose awoke when Future Dream Rose 'ceased to exist' thanks to Future Dave/later Davesprite altering the timeline. Dream Dave has been awake all along but didn't know it, so this is more ambiguous...until you realize that Cal was alive in the Medium and is not when on Earth. Cal must have 'died' in Dave's meteor impact. Dream Terezi is...admittedly something of an abnormality, though it could be said that Aradia's death led to it. Dream Kanaya is referenced as being awake already, but we don't know much about Kanaya before the events immediately preceding the Trolls' Sgrub Session. Dream Vriska awoke immediately after a beatdown by Aradibot, so Normal Vriska may be dead. (This theory was posted soon after the [S] Make her pay Flash, incidentally.) Alternatively, one could also argue that Aradia's death led to it, but that is getting a little overused! Dream Gamzee, Dream Eridan, Dream Feferi, Dream Nepeta, Dream Karkat, Dream Tavros, and Dream Equius remain unexplained, and Dream Aradia does not exist, but it's possible that Sollux may not have been such an abnormal case of Dream Self-awakening after all...
  • Vriska survives (bottom corner) until the end of their session unless she somehow manages to pull a Sollux and come back.
    • Looks that way, since the Vriska that helped to fight the Black King was apparently Dream Vriska. Note the intact vision eightfold.
  • Jossed here: Kanaya's dream self was woken by Doc Scratch.

The ultimate alchemy is...
Creating a new universe. It takes a ton of grist and what could take more grist then that? The ultimate reward is getting to go there and repopulate but if you die against the black king Sburb can just wait until more life pops up.
  • Does this really count as a guess? I figured it was canon, since it's pretty much the only way to interpret the ======> to ==> switchover, and it seems to reflect the general consensus on the 9/18 update.
  • Jossed here: new universes are created by paradox-cloning frogs and breeding the frogs until the frog-god Billious Slick is born.
  • I thought the Ultimate Alchemy WAS the breeding of the Genesis Frog. Early on when John notices the cloning equipment Karkat or Vriska says its part of the Ultimate Alchemy. So wouldn't this be confirmed?

The Mediums are actually the afterlife.
There seems to be a mild heaven/hell motif going on, and it would certainly explain Grandpa Harley's appearance.
  • Jossed; the afterlife is in the Furthest Ring, which is equidistant from all sessions.
    • And that in and of itself seems to be a temporary afterlife before a real one.

The Ultimate Alchemy is the process of bringing back Skaia.
Or, in other words, bring back the Earth. Because, really, what else would take that much grist that recreating an entire planet full of life. Now, the trolls have already played the game, and they lost, which makes them the last of their kind. Earth is already doomed, as Nannasprite would not lie (I think.) The reward for all of this would have to be something good. The congratulations for beating the game is the ability to recreate your world, but in your image. The Guardians have played the game before, which is why the are that strong- the would have had to have been to beat the game. Them beating the game is also why the Earth is still around, obviously. Now, it is their job to pass on their genes to then next set of players.
  • Jossed, making a universe.

All the paradoxes and weird self-fulfilling prophecies are Sburb's fault. Because it is sentient.
Everything that has happened in the story and everything that will happen is already predetermined; we're not seeing events as they play out, we're seeing an edited version of everything, a final product with some bad cut-and-paste jobs and maybe some jpeg artifacts. If that reminds you of anything. There's enough to see that it wasn't always this way but the introduction of Sburb changed it all, messing with reality, tying itself around Earth with intricate little knots of time and space and now it's totally inseparable. The planet now exists only because the kids needed to live there in order to play the game, and now that Earth has outlived its usefulness as a breeding ground for players it's gone. In the original timeline, they were just four unrelated internet friends playing a game. Now they are not, because the game rewrote their pasts to connect itself to them. Sburb needs the kids to play it for some reason that is unknown at this time, maybe just to continue existing and preying on other planets (maybe the reason life exists on any planet at all is because of its machinations?).

Basically Sburb is a somewhat sentient reality-warping godparasite thing that may or may not be intrinsically malicious. It might end up being the Final Boss. Beating it would be like literally punching reality in the face.
  • Corollary: The kids realizing this and rebelling against the game and their kernelsprites was what Andrew had originally planned for the 4/13 update.
    • No, it wasn't.
  • Jossed. Sburb is just the portal to the incipisphere, it's not really that important in the scheme of things.

There is no "real world." Skaia, the Medium, and Earth have co-existed for millions of years. The kids have been playing the game since birth.
Sburb itself is nothing more than a reality manipulator. Since the meteors in the Veil, upon hurtling toward Skaia, are redirected through space and time through defense portals, it is extremely probable that the babies John created in the ectobiology lab all find their way to appropriate points via these meteors. Also consider that the kids have been using captchalogue cards and sylladexes well before Sburb was installed on John's and Rose's computers, and the exiles all lack sylladexes; they and strife specibi are facets of the Homestuck universe as a whole, and are not necessarily related to Sburb. The kids are literally fighting to save the world from destruction, not to just survive their instance and return to a "real world" like in Problem Sleuth.
  • Confirmed-ish but Jossed in principle. Skaia isn't unique to the Kids after all.

The future is mutable.
Dave, the Knight of Time, has already traveled back over four months to prevent the Bad Future of John and Jade (presumably) dying prematurely, significantly changing the timeline of the game. The future involving the exiles is accepted as canon, implying that the world will inevitably become a wasteland, but this is not set in stone as long as Dave is alive. We may be treated to a Tarantino, wherein Dave finds a reason to change the future again and a montage shows the relevant changes to already-revealed events such as the exiles' actions.
  • Related: The future is only immutable when you play by the rules. The one time the future was changed was when a character intentionally broke the rules (John going for the seventh gate early). The toy bunny doesn't count as breaking the rules because Jade never attempts to get anyone to do anything but follow the script (but with a powerful item to help). Rose is now going Off the Rails, so may be able to actually affect an outcome.
  • Jossed, it just folded into the alpha timeline.

A character's inventory system is more or less tied to the technological level of their society
The more-or-less prohibition-era shenanigans of Problem Sleuth and the Midnight Crew have a classic adventure game inventory, with easy access to items but finite storage space. The kids (And apparently everyone else from their time) have capchatalog cards, which are less convenient but more versatile. The exiles, who have no real civilization, are reduced to "pick it up and carry it."
  • Adding to this, the kids, who were born post-computerization, all have sylladexes, while Dad has to resort to carrying around captchalouge cards with him.
  • Probably jossed, the Trolls use esoteric moduses that range from kinda high tech to very lowtech.

Every session ends up sending out one of those remote-control data storage whatsits out into the Furthest Ring.
For the humans, it contains Rose's walkthrough, intended to aid past and future Sburb players. For the Trolls, it was the virus that spawns Lord English, which (will eventually/already has/may or may not) destroy the universe. What they contain mirrors which race sent them out.
  • A guide written by people who lose mirrors humanity?
    • A guide meant to help others mirrors humanity. A program meant to destroy the ones who wrote it mirrors the trolls.
    • Jossed.

Kissing a corpse without a dream self will make them into the undead
]]== Nice Job Making It Worse, Heroes.
  • Which would nicely fit with all the "don't turn your back on the body"- business.
  • At the point Homestuck is at right now (6/29/11), Karkat says "IT WAS. A MOTHERFUCKING. JOKE." This is a direct line Gamzee said earlier, which may mean that Gamzee has now killed Karkat, Sollux and Kanaya and is now using Karkat's Trollian account to fool John 0_0
    • Except, why would Terezi avert Karkat's death at the hands of Noir, only for him (and possibly Terezi too) to die at the hands of Gamzee?
  • Jossed. Kanaya is special, ordinarily it does nothing. Otherwise Tavros would have turned undead as well.

Every last character in Homestuck (save for Dad/Mr. Egbert, the Kids and Trolls) is actually an AI in Sburb, which is really a front for Lord English's crimes.
Bear with me, please. I know where I'm going with this.

We know that John created all of the Guardians and the Kids (including himself) via paradox cloning, and sent them to different eras to make sure that he'd even be able to do all of this in the first place. We also know Karkat did so as well for the Trolls, and that according to him at least one person per non-null session would do so in order to make the players involved. The point that this brings up is that if all this is true, then it would imply that they were always in the game in the first place. Nobody who was in a Sburb session simply entered it; they returned.

However, this doesn't mean that the Kids and Trolls were hard-coded into the simulation; it is just as likely that they're actual people (in a 4:12 split by certain differences that get exaggerated in the simulation) who Lord English has targeted for his own agenda. From this, then, he created an entire simulation to confuse them and make them believe that Sburb was reality, complete with fake Guardians who seem to care for them more than their actual legal guardians would, and a fake Internet that somehow works even when all means of getting connected are seemingly severed. Even the other players Karkat was talking about are really NPCs to give an illusion of community. For this, he could easily exploit their misfortunes and add to his power, making sure that everyone remains unaware.

The First Guardians are also creations of English. The key difference is that they have more power than any other AI in Sburb, even more than the Black King, so it stands to reason that English would use them as moderators to make sure the players stay in line. It seems that he'd create Doc Scratch first, as the twelve Trolls were (if Alternia coming before Earth was just covering for it) the first victims of his simulation, and weren't particularly resistant. As for the four Kids, they seemed to be more so, especially one of them who seemed to be more aware than English hoped. So through various machinations, he created a second First Guardian to moderate the four newer Kids and keep their threat level down.

As for Mr. Egbert? He wasn't involved in the paradox cloning at all. This means that he is outside the time loops, and by extension from outside Sburb. It remains to be seen just who exactly he is, how he ended up in Sburb, and what his motivations were to enter it.

In short, Lord English created Sburb to continue his criminal activity and torture sixteen kids with illusions of reality. "Mr. Egbert" may or may not stop him.
  • This is stupid. Jossed.

Sburb is a representation of events that happened eons ago, in a long-dead universe
The planets, Derse and Prospit included, are mirrors of planets that existed in that universe, and Skaia was a source of great power located in the center. The black-carapaced beings from Derse wanted to take it as their own, but the white-carapaced Propites wanted equilibrium in the universe, so they tried to protect it. While the two worlds warred on the planet the power rested on (represented by the battlefield), the other races tried to stay out of it... until one day, a young frog named Bilious Slick decided to stop the war. He rallied all of the other planets to his side, but it only brought the wrath of the Dersians upon them. But they persevered, and Slick and his compatriots eventually assassinated the Black King and Queen, stopping the war. Sadly, it was too late for most of the universe; entire planets were burned bare and whole races were wiped out. Slick and his army, together numbering 1025, were all that was left of civilization. In despair, they turned to the great power and tried to recreate their world as it once was. But the power could not recreate; it could only create new things. Slick and his friends then created the Medium, the Incipisphere, Skaia, and a whole new universe that would be infinitely connected to them. If the new universe came to face such a peril as theirs, there would be a relatively easily accessible way to start over.

Slick put in the Frog Temples as a "signature" of sorts, a sign that he had once existed. The races on the planets are copies of those that allied with Slick and the frogs. The Dersians and Prospites are identical because they had all died when the new universe was creates, so Slick based them off of gamepieces from a game that is as old as existence itself.
  • So Lord English is a frog that went rogue?
    • Lord English was never meant as part of the game, but is rather a glitch in the system, perhaps caused by the Medium copying itself so many times, causing it to be permanently warped... rather like JPEG compression.

  • Jossed.

The Beat Mesa is half of a massive pair of Timetables.
They're fairly similar, aesthetically. Eventually, the kids will use them as part of their plan to meet up with the trolls - they'll use them to warp the entire Land of Heat and Clockwork into the troll's universe, take them aboard (as it were), and then warp back, ready to wreck Jack's shit with four times the party size.
  • Jossed, but partially correct. By scratching it, John will cause a massive release of time energy and hard reboot the game.

There are fake copies of The Tumor
John will find at least one of these copies. Then he will then throw it away in disgust, realising that, in fact it's not The Toomah.
  • Jossed.

The game is designed to screw you over... if you try to cheat.
While not explicitly mentioned as such, there are two instances, the Bad Future and the current Time Line, of the game becoming so messed up that it may well be Unwinnable.
  • John uses a Jetpack to jump ahead into his 7th gate, and (presumably) dies soonafter. This means he can't get Jade to enter the game, and the game is presumed Unwinnable by Dave and Rose.
  • Jade, seeing a vision of a crying John, send him Game Breaker to help him in his time of need. When Jack Noir gets his hand on it, the end result is that the Reckoning is kicked off far earlier than it should have been, ultimately resulting in the crying scene the present was meant to comfort.
In both instances, it's due to the fact that somebody tried to cheat the game for an easy win. The lesson here? DON'T FUCKING CHEAT.
  • The irony is that, without the jetpack and Fear No Anvil, John would never have got those paradox clone babies launched before the kids' brought-forward Reckoning. Two wrongs make a right?
    • The jetpack might be a borderline case, where flying over encounters deprives you of experience you might need later, and the hammer's code was earned legitimately in an already-doomed future, so between that and the necessity of the paradox clones, the game might have been lenient enough to let that slide.

The Gods of the Furthest Ring are simply trying to help the kids.
And Rose is not simply insane, as people have been guessing.
  • Dave could hear them too (but chose not to because he thought they were kind of creepy, especially the ones that sing), so Rose is definitely not nutty in the sense that she's hallucinating them, and that also means they are not specifically targeting her either.
    • Not to mention their sole known-to-the-audience suggestion at least sounded like a really good idea...
      • Mind you, just because they aren't evil, doesn't mean prolonged contact with them and using the Thorns of Oglogoth isn't subtly doing things to Rose's mind. Blowing up Gate 1 wasn't their idea, after all.
      • They are evil, probably.

Sburb is actually TWO games.
The first is the one the Kids and the Trolls played, where you attempt to build up to Skaia. The other is a chess-themed game between Derse and Prospit, that the players are meant to alter, but not interact with directly. The goal of reaching Skaia is there so the players can repair the ruined world after Black has won, which the player's side has given ample experience in.
  • Not especially; the Trolls interacted heavily in the game and any player can go to the Battlefield and personally fight in the war.

    Skaia, Horrorterrors, Denizens and Bilious Slick 
Skaia is sentient-and the villain of the story.
It is stated that Skaia will catch some of the meteors with portals, which, as theorized above, may be the ones that hit Earth and other planets with Sburb sessions. However, this is only possible because there were Sburb sessions-otherwise, there would be a stalemate between Prospit and Derse. In other words, Sburb is launching meteors at inhabited planets (instead of, say, stars) to save itself from meteors that were only launched because of its actions. Skaia isn't a place of wonder. It's an Eldritch Abomination that is playing a game, at the price of hundreds of billions of lives. The chess motifs, the playing card motifs, even the nature of Sburb... they all hint at the worldview of Skaia. So, you may ask, why do the trolls say it's so essential that The Reckoning is stopped? Because, in truth, Skaia isn't in any danger. The meteors won't destroy it, they'll just make it throw a tantrum. And that tantrum would destroy the universe.
  • So (probably writing from much later), Skaia is Lord English?
  • Jossed, Skaia is basically the closest thing to a benevolent god. However the Elderterrors are close to the original idea.

There are only two universes.
And SBURB keeps life cycling back and forth endlessly between them as a way of keeping Lord English trapped. At any given time one of the universes is inhabited by exiles from the last game session whose job is to rebuild the world, and the other contains the descendants of the last group of players (who presumably also interbreed with the exiles who fixed it up and their progeny to make repopulation more feasible, even better if there's something about the exiled game characters that wards off the negative effects of inbreeding until either the exile blood gets too diluted or people start to evolve away from their roots), except for current Earth which is populated entirely by the descendants of the exiles from two game sessions back because the trolls never got in.

Whenever the currently active universe reaches a point where the forces of entropy are about to take over and slowly drag it all downhill to the end of the universe and LE's release, instead SBURB activates and clears things out so the universe will be rebuilt instead, flipping things around so instead of entropy taking over creative energy surges. And the surviving original life from that world gets to move onto the fully restored other homeworld, after they've played through the game and proven that they're strong enough to face whatever the past exiles have built up there. If they aren't strong enough, well, humanity proves that repopulation will go on anyway.

When they reach the end of the game they only think that the ultimate alchemy they use is creating a new universe. In truth it's creating the door to let them through it, and their very own constellations as a kind of trophy to mark that they've beaten the game. (Mortal minds are incapable of grasping just how enormous the amount of grist needed to create a whole universe would be, so they look at the already mind-bogglingly huge amount needed to create a few star systems and assume that with a number that massive it just has to be a whole universe that they're making!)
  • Jossed.

In the kid's session, The Gods of the Furthest Ring are the trolls, and Beq is loyal to them.
Makes sense to me. I mean, they did make the universe. They probably only destroyed the code because they thought he'd become loyal to Lord English.
  • Jossed. The Gods of the Furthest Ring are various horrorterrors, and the Furthest Ring itself is not unique to sessions since it connects all of them.

The Gods of the Outer Ring are the Final Boss
They come from beyond the orbit of Derse, where the sky is forever dark, and they seethe with malice towards all manifestations of creative potential (but especially those products of creativity that manifest as dna strings necessary for the survival of the world.)

If you can be mindfucked by these creatures just by looking at the sky on Derse, then the entire planet is under their malign influence. They are the true power behind the dark throne, and the source of its strength. No wonder Light always loses — Dark was receiving pieces from off the board!

Dave is a 'Prince of the moon'. The gods want a 'royal audience'. With King and Queen dead, Dave is the next in the line of succession. This the 'worst thing you could ever do': disrupting the course of the game badly enough that a player falls under the influence of individuals the want to smash the board and burn the pieces.

  • Corollary: Rose has already been "possessed" by these forces, while Dave is immune because he's never looked up into the night sky of Derse without his sunglasses on. This explains why Rose seemingly went off the deep end (or the "dark end") after her Future Dream Self fused with her - since it happened, she's already created weapons of dark magic (from a tome she wouldn't use as a weapon earlier because it was too evil) and blown up her gate.
    • Beyond blowing up her gate on a whim, what evidence do we have (that isn't cicumstantial) that Rose is losing it? The tome had instructions on BRINGING the Outer Ring Gods to the summoner. The Thorns just channel magic and the eldritch powers of one such god. Just playing Devil's advocate here...
  • The BK and BQ are the final bosses, the elderterrors are just the side that advises them. They're evil but unfought by a normal session.

Skaia's true purpose is to somehow defeat Lord English.
Okay, with Doc Scratch more or less confirmed as the Felt's Cue Ball, this logically leaves Lord English as the Cue Stick. Pool theme FTW and all. But wait, isn't Pool a two-player game? Who would Lord English be playing against? Surely it must be something as vague and inscrutable as Lord English himself, something like... The Ultimate Riddle. Thus the true purpose of the game is to somehow answer the ultimate riddle, and discern how Lord English can be defeated.
  • Skaia's true purpose is to create more universes.

Skaia exists to summon Lord English
Think about it. It results in The End of the World as We Know It, which is the condition for his summoning. It creates the First Guardians, who appear to be loyal to him, and consider this part of facilitating the universe's ultimate purpose.
  • Skaia exists to create universes. Derse creates the guardians.

The Kids' Denizens are Magical Girls.
In order of appearance in the animation: Blue, violet, green and yellow side by side, and then red/pink. Jade gets the blue one, Rose gets violet, John has to fight the green and yellow because he changed his chumhandle from GT -> EB, and Dave gets the red/pink one. It would also be incredibly silly.
  • Nope.

A part of Bilious Slick survived Jack's attack
You can clearly see his hand is still intact. It'll either be used to resurrect him or somehow create a new frog.
  • Rendered irrelevant by UU's explanation of the Genesis Frog. He contains all alternate universes.

Jake's Denizen will be Erebus.
In the original session, John's was Typheus (sometimes called the "Father of all Monsters") while Jade's was Echidna, the "Mother of all Monsters". In the Alpha Session, Jane's Denizen is Hemera, personification of day; therefore, Jake's will be the opposite: Erebus, personification of darkness. (Nyx would also be possible, except Denizens seem to always be the same gender as their player.)
  • If John and Jade's Denizens were counterparts, then wouldn't Jake's Denizen be Aether (Personification of Light/Male counterpart of Hemera), not Erebus? Perhaps Bro's will be Erebus and Mom's will be Nyx.
    • Not necessarily: Dave's Denizen was Hephaestus, not another monster opposite Cetus. While Jake's may bear one of these relations, Bro's and Mom's don't need to.
      • Why would Erebus correspond to Hope at all? Also Haphaestus was male while Aradia was female.
    • Mom's Denizen is confirmed to be Nix
    • Jake's Denizen is Abraxas, drawing from Gnosticism like Yaldabaoth.
Dog-Tier Jade will fuse her Battlefield with the Alpha Session's Battlefield to bring it up to Level 8.
The Battlefield "levels up" each time a player enters the session. Since the God-Tier Kids will be in the Alpha Session, there will be eight players, so the Battlefield should level up eight times. However, the Kids have already prototyped their Sprites and leveled up their own Battlefield, and the Alpha Kids will only bring it up to Level 4. The remaining four levels will come from the God-Tier Kids' Battlefield, which Jade brought with her.
  • Alternately, the Alpha Session won't have a Battlefield until Jade brings hers... but her battlefield is in pretty rough shape and it's not clear if it's possible for it to level up more times, especially if it's not in the same session when some of the alpha kids arrive.
    • Original theory jossed, alternate theory semi-confirmed. There was a battlefield, but CD blew it up.

     The Finale 

There will be Thirteen groups of Four member parties in Homestuck once is all said and done.
  • Certain
    • John, Rose, Dave and Jade
    • Wandering Vagabond, Peregrine Mendicant, Aimless Rogue and Windswept Questant
    • The Guardians
    • The Four Kernalsprites
  • Prospective
    • A group for each of the kid's enemy factions.
      • The Midnight Crew, for John
      • Four surviving members of the Felt, for Jade or Rose?
      • ______, for Dave
      • ______, for whoever isn't getting the Felt.
      • This could extremely easily tie further into the four types of Grist: John and the pitch-black Midnight Crew work with Oil, Jade and the glowing-green Felt will work with Uranium, Rose and (god forbid) ever-so-pale Team Sleuth will work with Chalk, and Dave and... someone work with amber.
    • Four main trolls, one for each kid. There are 12 trolls, but so far only four (cG, gC, gA, aT) have chatted and appeared in person in the comic.
      • It's possible the four trolls revealed thus far are foils to the main characters (cG = John, gC = Jade, gA = Rose, aT = Dave).
  • Jossed, Andrew's confirmed that Act 6 will not have nearly as many characters and Acts 4 and 5's boom in characters was always meant to wind down.

Derse will be destroyed in the final confrontation.
Okay, not exactly wild, but if the "frog-temple foreshadowing" is going to pay off completely, well... A fully-prototyped Jack will be slinging about a hell of a lot of firepower (not that he hasn't already) and will be an absolute bear to fight. And on the possibility that the kids do emerge victorious, what RPG final bosses of that caliber don't explode spectacularly?
  • Jossed.

The finale will be fully voice casted
Because, hey, how else can you make the ending even more awesome?
  • Andrew has jossed any official voice work. How else would you make the ending incredibly difficult to animate and have to deal with voice actor try outs and bullshit.

Andrew Hussie is saving Octoroon Rangoon for the final battle with Jack Noir
Just listen to it. It's quite obviously a far more frantic remix of Jack Noir's theme. At the very least, it will be used for Jack being involved with something epic.
  • Octoroon Rangoon was used in the flash of Dream Dave and Rose dancing. That's a Jossed.

Andrew is going to somehow use each and every one of these theories.
What? There's precedent for it.
  • Yeah, except at this point there have probably been more jossed theories than confirmed ones.

Homestuck will end on the 2nd of February 2011.
The 2nd of February 2011 will be 1025 days since Homestuck started. 413 + 612 = 1025. Seems a reasonable guess. Plus it would fit in the current estimate that it will last somewhere over two years. Either that or it'll finish on the 1st of February because that would be the 1025th day.
  • Hussie has more or less stated at this point that trying to keep to some strict schedule is completely impossible for him, so I doubt it.
    • Obviously, completely Jossed by now.
    • As of 2016, this prediction was off by five years and thirty-nine days.

The story will end by the kids breaking the prophecy and saving the world
  • Nope. Earth's boned has been, was, and will be. They can't change that.

The finale will feature a massive battle, involving the kids, the guardians, and the exiles
Specifically, John, Rose, Dave, Jade, Dad, Mom, Bro, Grandpa, Warweary Villein, Parcel Mistress, Authority Regulator, White Queen, and Bec vs. Jackspers Noirlecrow, Draconian Dignitary, Hegemonic Brute, and Courtyard Droll. Note that this battle pits a team of 13 vs a team of 4.
  • Well there's a lot of joss considering like half the list is dead or doomed.

Homestuck will end with the characters destroying the paradox, preventing the events of Homestuck from ever having happened, waking up in new lives and simultaneously experiencing a profound philosophical revelation:
Everything they have ever done has been a complete waste of time.
  • Then J would never have been born.

Act 7 will either be the beta version of Homestuck, or will end with a link to the first page, causing a Stable Time Loop.
Most characters that have changed over the course of the story will be taken care of by the end, but the Alpha session will end up scratching, triggering a switch back to the original session. Okay that doesn't really make any sense but I thought it was funny.
  • A scratch from the Alpha session seems unlikely- not due to impending success, but because the Beat Mesa belongs to the Hero of Time's planet. There shouldn't be an extra Beat Mesa in the Alpha session, and the Beta kids already flung theirs into Skaia.
    • There was a much more in depth discussion of this on the Alpha WMG page, and we concluded that it is Jossed. All signs, from UU and Rose and others, indicate that the Alpha Session will be successful, and unless Dirk's land has some sort of Scratch mechanism (much like Dave was half-awake on Derse, despite that being part of a Hero of Heart's apparent role), there's no way for them to Scratch anyways.

The kids will defeat the superpowered, allegedly unbeatable Jack Noir in the end
It appears practically impossible at this point, and it would be extremely awesome. Ergo, it has to happen. Maybe now that Jack has scratched himself into the trolls' session, he'll bring them back with him somehow, and then the kids and the trolls will team up against him in an extremely epic battle. A bit of reinforcement: remember that the third Arc Number, 10-25, is the sum of the previous two numbers, 4-13 (the kids' number) and 6-12 (the trolls' number). This implies some sort of synthesis between the two sessions. * Most of Act 5 Act 2 has been devoted to this. It's not easy and actually if done correctly will make him an enormous Anticlimax Boss.
  • At this point Jack is more or less outclassed. If the kids and the trolls really do team up, he'll be facing five God Tiers, one of whom is pretty much omnipotent like him, as well as his own Good Counterpart who has all of his powers.
    • Actually, when you take everything into account, Jack would be facing all four god-teir kids, one of which has first-guardian powers; three or more trolls, powerful from their Sburb session; PM, who also has first-gaurdian powers; plus probably many more characters.
      • Exactly. Meaning that defeating Jack is no longer a huge priority.
  • It's possible that Jack will just stay where he is, rampantly destroying things/dueling with PM.
    • Main WMG Jossed, but this is confirmed. PM ends up slicing Jack's arm which houses the ring on off, depowering him of the prototyped power.

Spades Slick will somehow enter an alternate universe and aid in the eventual defeat of Lord English.
How is this possible? simple, Slick owning Die's voodoo doll that lets you enter a timeline where someone is alive or dead is not a thing that stopped being true, and we also know that Snowman does have a pin, this can be used to escape the universe that is being destroyed. Evidence for this is that in the page where Hussie is going "There are still characters I haven't killed yet!" Spades Slick has a question mark rather than an X, this combined with Die's voodoo doll means he almost certainly is somehow going to be relevant in the future, as I said he will probably want to help defeat Lord English, after all he knows that he needs to utilize glitches in time to hurt him.
  • It's damn near impossible to fit the original Midnight Crew intermission into a coherent spot on the timeline.
  • Though the fact that Hussie somehow managed to rescue Slick and is in the process of cybernetically repairing him does help increase the possibility of this WMG...
    • And now Slick is loose on some planet that seems to be Post-Scratch Earth.
    • Jossed. He ends up going after Jack English and gets his head cut off by Dave.

The whole thing is All Just a Dream
Act 7 will show John, playing in his backyard with several toys strewn about, playing out Homestuck. As he either awakens or stops playing, the last line of the comic will be: "It begins to dawn on you that everything you just did may have been a colossal waste of time."
  • Jossed.

The series will end when Lil Cal is destroyed by the crowbar.
This is why Andrew saved Slick. His role is to destroy the Juju that is more or less the cause of all the misfortune in Homestuck, negating its effects on all timelines and returning all sessions and all players to the way they should have been.
  • Jossed, although Cal's soul is destroyed by Dave.

Trickster Cherubs and the new universe
Trickster Mode is unlocked by combining the juju of two vacillating cherub personalities. Would a trickster cherub be (either logically or by definition) one in which the personalities have resolved into co-dominance or outright merged into one consummate being? Is this the explanation for how Cherubs can have a society despite being asocial cosmic entities dictated by psychological instinct? If this is true, then it means ‘normal’ cherubs live their lives as Aranea explained, but any vacillating pair that manages to cooperate and attain Trickster Mode goes on a different path. They proceed to live in the Zilly continents with all the other trickster cherubs that have “solved all their personal problems”. And this is how there can be cherub culture and mythology, which was something only exposited in the trickster arc.

Jade said she’d deliver the post-scratch Earth to the universe their session creates. Earth is where Calliope and Caliborn were hatched and raised. Therefore, the universe the humans are going to create is the one cherubs exist in. Which means….

The civilization of trickster cherubs seen in the trickster arc will be brought into existence by the protagonists. And the protagonists will live in this world. And they will all become tricksters. The legendary weapons correspond to the eight kids’ strife specibi because they are the rulers presiding over the seven continents. Dirk alone will have nothing to do with this horseshit.

This is how Homestuck will end. The kids cavorting around as the rulers of a planet of living Lil Cals.

  • Hahahahaha... Jossed.
     Homestuck Meta, Hussie, and Structure 

Homestuck is an allegory of the Bible.
The Medium is purgatory. The four kids died when the meteors struck and went to purgatory. They can contact the others to save them from the depths of hell. The guardians, exiles, and sprites are guardian angels. When John faced his denizen under Terezi's influence, he ascended to heaven - the denizens represent their inner demons and the kids must learn to accept them rather than defeat them. He was brought back from the dead; John being the Heir of Breath means he is the Son of God. He has originally denied this role, represented by his attitude towards Dad, but will learn to accept it by wanting to rescue him and realizing Dad's role as his guardian angel. Skaia is God, the white kingdom are angels and the black kingdom are heretics. Jack Noir is Satan. Jade's dream-self dying will represent her losing her innocence and will make John the purest character of the kids. He will sacrifice himself to save the others from Karkat - this time accepting his role as the Heir of Breath - and they will ascend to heaven with him eventually. Their lands also represent their inner turmoil and past sins, defeating the monsters as penance. Rose thinking her mother is harming her and Dave beginning to think his brother is creepy represents them having doubts and denying God - for this, they are sentenced to Derse/Hell and are only saved because of John. Karkat is the Antichrist. He will corrupt the kids with sin and create the 11 other trolls. They will lose due to their own faults and place the blame on John/Jesus, leading to his first death and second deaths.
  • Jossed oh so very much. Firstly, after John died facing his Denizen, Weird Time Shit happened and he ended up not going through the Seventh Gate. Secondly, the trolls aren't evil. Thirdly, the kids really are responsible for Bec Noir, who messes up the trolls' session. The list goes on.
  • And as of 8/12/11, it's apparent that if anything, Karkat represents the Second Coming of Jesus, hardly the Antichrist.

WMG’s based off of AH’s Neverending Metafiction

FIRST, Know how the story and its trope page states, “Giving something a name gives it power, knowing a name gives power over it?” The Horror Terrors become Squiddles when each one dies by realizing their individual name. Their plea for help comes from how those powered by the Green Sun are naming them. It is possible the Felt are slaying the Horror Terrors in Spades Slick’s world as a way to gain power and territory, because in that world, each Horror Terror is a living world, each nick-named Land of ____ and ____ to avoid saying their real name. The Felt conquer each Land by tearing apart the Land’s planet, compared to Rose tearing apart the Land’s surface structures and seeking hidden treasure to aid her new-found masters. When the Felt learn their real name, they gain power over them, taking their bodies for themselves, and they die, moving on from their world to the Human world, mentally and spiritually locked in for eternity as their dream-selves known as Squiddles. And taking into account how fans slowed down that Squiddles intro to find Anime Girls within the static, its possible their dream selves are actually locked in a medium like a cartoon channel in our world, filled with shows like Squiddles and Horror Terror Magical Anime Girl Hour. That last name is a stretch, but you get the idea.

ALSO, there’s massive foreshadowing here if you look right. It is implied Lord English is going to be Falcor, but it is what he is that is Lord English. He’s a luck dragon, with massive luck. Theory goes it will either be Vriska, due to being Thief of Light, and possessing ability to amass luck, or another Troll who shows abilities similar to Falcor, such as blue-fire breathing and aerial flight without wings, like John.

Andrew pokes fun at Dave being his author avatar, but he’s really referring to how Bastian is Atreyu’s inner self. In this case, Andrew is Dave’s inner self, from another world, and as Andrew created this story-verse, Dave, in universe, kick started this story. My theory here is as Dave is the Knight of Time, he goes back to before the Trolls created the universe, meets Sollux, gets a copy of Sgrub altered to be Sburb, and uses his time travel abilities to fill in gaps that Stable Time Loops cannot explain. Of course, this happens later in the story, near the end of Homestuck.

Vriska’s mind-controlling Andrew could parallel the Childlike Empress sending Atreyu to find a cure for her illness, when she really wanting to be named and end the Nothing. In this case, Vriska wants to die, either as the source of the Trolls and Kids problems, or as a hero, slain by or slaying Bec Noir, thus ending her old identity as the Bluh Bluh Bitch.

FINALLY, Andrew Hussie reads these theories, or someone posts the above on the MSPA forums, and there he reads them. He puts the ideas in the story, but because we saw Vriska view a younger Jade notice AH’s meta-fiction, Jade, as her dream-self, warns some one on Prospit of these theories, like the White Queen, and alters the story so that someone relative to the Exiles, like that One-Shot Prospit Painter, becomes the Big Bad, overcoming Bec Noir, as a playful screw you to his fans. Like as Fridge Logic calls Hussie the Webcomic Kojima, he will pull a planned ass pull near the end of Homestuck that was brilliant all along. OR, he reads all the above, calls this poster a Virgin Loser, and moves on without any Fan Influence as he has been doing for the longest time. But, one can dream, right?
  • I read the first few sentences and yeah this is Jossed.

This WMG page is the new suggestion box.
Hussie continually checks this page here, picks out the WMGs that he likes AND would make the most sense in the plot, and makes it canon.

AH may have based the names SGRUB and SBURB off of real life experiences or sociology
SGRUB could represent the backwards nature of Alternia according to humans perspective, and SBURB represents the perspective of humans in general. Possibly representing the struggle of urban vs. suburban living; peaceful in the suburbs, while chaotic in the cities. Sort of like 2 sides of the same coin, and since the Trolls created the Humans; an alternate world/universe from their failed session, this may not be too far off. In Alternia, the Troll's lifestyle and how they exist is completely bizarre to us, while on Earth; Representing humanity in general, it is exactly how we live to an extent; which is bizarre to them, or whoever is left of them.
  • The Trolls' Lives were peaceful before an outside influence fubared them

    • Speaking of 2 sides of the same coin, the dream worlds of Derse and Prospit fall under a similar paradigm, but in a much older sense; the typical clash of light vs darkness, present in all fiction/lore/myth. AH even mentioned it at one point as a Kingdom of Light and a Kingdom of Darkness that were mentioned to be constantly at each others' throats and were to fight in one final battle when the time came in which Prospit would be defeated according to prophecy. Also, both sides fought alongside each other when presented with an existential threat (Jack Noir). Who subsequently wiped the floor of both kings, and killed off a majority of the inhabitants of both worlds. Also the tumor at the core of the Skaia is a Yin-Yang Symbol. Said Tumor must be the very forces of Chaos which lead to the birth of both universes, so by throwing it into the sun, a massive Scratch would occur and purge everything, resetting the entire multiverse.

    • However this may just be grasping at straws for me.

Atomyk Ebonpyre is cursed.
Think about it. Every time it plays, something awesome is happening...but then something really depressing specifically, a main character death happens or is revealed immediately afterwards. This happens at [S] Accelerate and [S] Descend. The song's out to get the kids.
  • One could make some sort of admonishment about two data points being insufficient to diagnose that sort of pattern... but then, this IS the WMG page...
    • And we'll likely never hear it again.

Problem Sleuth and (by extension) Jail Break are the future of Homestuck.
Specifically, it's where Dave is currently residing. It's already got the skyscrapers, so the meteors just need to destroy some of them in such a way that the remaining buildings are in a grid-like pattern.
  • Problem Sleuth, Jailbreak, and Bard Quest are all video games in the world of Homestuck.
    • We have videogames with historical settings in Real Life. Problem Sleuth and Jail Break are videogames with prophetic settings.
    • The canons are too irreconcilable, the different origin stories are impossible in the same canon and the universe is completely sideways in PS.
      • That's just the Immaginary world (the one accessed through the portals and the forts). The real world where they ended up in the epilogue though...
      • ... is still made out of GPI's Part-pickles.
  • Red Miles means this is impossible.

There will be a Problem Sleuth intermission.
The first meta thing in the beta session was the webpage for MSPA, and it showed the Midnight Crew, foreshadowing the Midnight Crew intermission. So, Jane's love for Problem Sleuth foreshadows a Problem Sleuth intermission in the Alpha Session. Also, the PS intermission will parallel the Midnight Crew Intermission. The PS cast are all Prospitians.
  • Not only that, but Team Sleuth (along with Hysterical Dame and Nervous Broad) will be the Exiles of...some other session (pre-Scratch Ancestor, probably). It will culminate with PS and co. jumping into the main plot, as PS already has experience with nigh-invulnerable mob bosses.
    • Jossed by Word of God; the PS crew will not appear in Homestuck.

The Flash showing the Pre-Scratch Kids & the Trolls entering the Post-Scratch game will be released on the 31st of May.
And it will use 'Beta Version' from the album Mobius Trip and Hadron Kaleido. Because if it did, not only would the song tie into the flash, it would keep up with the current theme of using songs from the solo albums a year after the albums were released.
  • Jossed

The Kids and Trolls will arrive in the Alpha Session on April 13, 2012 . . .
. . . three years after the start of Homestuck.
  • Jossed

The Beta Kids will arrive in the alpha session on 4/13/12.
It is going to take the kids three years to get to the alpha session and on 4/13/12 Homestuck will celebrate its third year anniversary.
  • Both of these are unlikely barring a time skip... aaaaaand Jossed.

Homestuck will end on April 26th 2013

Exactly 4 years and 13 days after it started, in the fourth month of the year 2013, fitting in the ever-recurrent 413 number theme.
  • It's actually kind of doubtful that it'll go that long. Remember, Hussie originally planned to end it on the one-year anniversary, then the two-year anniversary, then "when it's done".
    • Third anniversary. 14 days "late". He will insist that he did not plan it that way.
      • It's August 2013, we're still far from done, and I have no idea if this has been moved here already.

Andrew Hussie will not show us most of the events of Act 6 thanks to Roxy
UU has stated that she can't see most of what happens during the Alpha kids' session because Roxy has blacked out the session with her Void powers. It's been made clear on multiple occasions that our ability to view Homestuck is tied into one or more of the same mechanisms used in-universe for pseudo out-of-universe entities to view and meddle with things, e.g. by shutting off the fourth walls or closing curtains over them, blowing up exile terminals, scratching the disc, etc. Whatever Roxy does will probably affect us too. Otherwise, it would have to leave a loophole for in-universe meddling.
  • Additionally, Hussie has used these events to fast forward the story telling on at least one occasion (Doc Scratch's narration takeover), and Hussie has said on his formspring account, "[A]ct 6 will be considerably shorter, and act 7 will be minuscule."
  • Plus, if many fan theories are right, and UU is a stand-in for the MSPA readers, then we are as vulnerable as she is to anything that blocks her ability to see. This is our warning and the first foreshadowing of (non)events to come.
    • We saw what Rose did when she was blacked out though, so tentatively Jossed (besides the fact this would probably make the comic something of an anticlimax).
  • And now the Author Avatar is dead, adding more fuel to the fire.
  • Potentially Jossed; it has now been shown that Roxy blacking something out in-universe does not necessarily black it out for us the readers, as she blacks out a bucket brigade to protect UU's innocence, but we can still see it.
    • Pretty Jossed, since act 6 has been the LONGEST act.

Homestuck will end on 4/26/13
Four years and thirteen days after it began.
  • Jossed.
    • How is it jossed? We do not know if we are being faked out yet and it is not past 4/26/13 yet.
      • Nope. Still jossed.

Derse Dreamers vs Prospit Dreamers
Derse dreamers are too cynical to really grow up; they are trying too hard to be adults. They need to mature by letting go and enjoying their time left as kids. Prospit dreamers are too idealistic to really grow up; they aren't trying hard enough. They need to mature by wising up and taking responsibility for their lives. These are the "ultimate goals" for the game that Hussie once spoke of, so long ago. This is based off of an analysis of the kids, who it fits best. Some of the trolls cause problems for the theory, as detailed bellow. Note that pre-game personality is all that applies. In- and post-game, we have seen maturation and mellowing towards the middle that sBurb/sGrub seems to be shooting for.
  • Vriska and Nepeta: These two seem to have landed on the wrong planet. They are the biggest problems with the theory. Vriska is totally cynical, Nepeta is totally idealistic, as far as we see. Perhaps Vriska is fantasizing her romances too much (ie, she thinks she's the troll equivalent of a princess waiting for her prince charming)? Nepeta I really can't resolve. Is she too focused on her moirail to focus on herself?
    • Don't forget Feferi is a Derse dreamer. But going with Jossed. There seems to be no correlation between dreamselves and personality. While dreamselves are still rather mysterious, there's far simpler explanations at play for all known sessions. For the Trolls it was broken between the Red Team and Blue Team, and Sollux was an outlier (as he worked heavily with both teams). For the humans, it's simply genetics.
    • Word of God is that it is complicated and hard to distinguish, but could be tied into personality and class. However, he also points out that it's more literally based on the teams and genetics, so Jossed is upheld.

UU is a half-human half-troll from the new universe created with this reset session.
After all, we remember how Rose's walkthrough influenced the troll session.
  • She's at least several universes removed, as she has enough sessions to seriously study all the mythological roles in detail. She doesn't seem human at all though, having no idea how they reproduce.
    • She could have studied the universes before the original trolls, or Rose's notes on the subject
      • Jossed, UU is a completely diferent species known as a cherub.

The Hero of Life's function
Two theories here, one versus the other:
  • The Hero of Life is incapable of being killed outside the Medium, at least once. This would mean that Feferi and HIC's abilities to resist the Vast Glub were not connected to their blood, but rather to their roles as the Hero of Life. This would also mean that Jane miraculously survives the explosion.
  • The Hero of Life is the first to die in each session, and must continue their work from their dreamself or dream bubbles to ensure the survival of the other players. As none of the players were killed in the Trolls' session during the course of the game, Feferi's death was unnecessary; she was, however, the first troll to be killed in the Medium. Jane's explosion may lead to her playing the rest of the game as her dreamself, leading to the revival of Jake's.
    • Jane did survive the explosion, though through God-Cat's interference. It seems the second theory is Jossed, as Sollux died due to the Vast Glub or Aradia died due to Vriska's machinations, depending on how you define the session.
  • Jossed: Life is merely an aspect focusing on healing or vitality. Different classes can interpret this in entirely different ways, as shown with Meenah, Feferi, and Jane.

The Scratch activates Mercy Mode.
Specifically, it targets the part of the game the players had the most trouble with. The pre-scratch trolls had the most trouble with combat, so the post-scratch trolls are Proud Warrior Race Guys. The pre-scratch kids had the most trouble with figuring out how the game works, so the post-scratch kids are already familiar with things like grist and the echeladder.
  • Seems to actually be inverted.
    • Scratches are done to make a game winnable; that does not necessarily entail making them easier. The Troll Sessions aren't comparable, as the difficulty of the Pre-Scratch Session is unknown, while the Human Sessions don't even face the same challenges, with the Pre-Scratch Session revolving more around combat, while the Post-Scratch Session as of yet has none.

The post-Scratch universe is in or made from the Green Sun
Then that leaves the question of what God Tier Dave and Rose saw as they were climbing out of the sun...
  • We don't know how a Scratch resets the universe exactly. It's been previously stated that the Green Sun has the mass of both universes, so in that sense they still "exist". The Scratch may have reset part of the Green Sun into a new universe. We can then guess that...
    • Keep in mind the Scratch is odd; given that there can be multiple sessions per universe, a Scratch may make a duplicate universe so the other sessions don't reset.
      • And given that part of the Genesis Frog holding the universe escaped Jack's destruction, its regeneration in some fashion seems much more likely.
  • This appears to be pretty much jossed.

The post-Scratch universe is composed of both the Human Universe and the Troll Universe
Because they were both effectively combined in the Green Sun.
  • We don't know if this makes any sense, and in fact all evidence is to the contrary.

Jake's consorts in the Medium will be angels, like the other Hero of Hope's.
And they'll be blue.
  • There are no consorts in the Alpha Session. Angels weren't actually consorts either, like Sollux's brains, they were merely an aspect of the land.

The Alpha kids are actually from the Beta Session, and vice versa
Doc Scratch mentioned that the trolls were actually not created in their own Session. Well, what if the same thing happened here? To show how this is possible:
  • The baby John that John created is actually Poppop. He goes to the Alpha Session with the Colonel Sassacre book, explaining why it has Nanna's note.
    • This is Jossed: Beta John is seen landing with a bright blue Sassacre book, before it aged, so it seems Jane has the same book via shenanigans
  • Similarly, the baby versions of Rose, Dave, and Jade are actually Alpha!Mom, Alpha!Bro, and Grandma English.
    • Baby Rose's bunny (the original Con Air bunny) becomes Roxy's wizard bunny. Baby Jade's bunny (Rose's knitted bunny) becomes Jake's Indiana Jones bunny.
      • Following from John above, there is no indication for this.
  • Meanwhile, the paradox clones of Nanna, Mom, Bro, and Grandpa go to the Alpha Universe and become Jane, Roxy, Dirk, and Jake.
    • In Dirk's case, this explains how Lil' Cal is in the Alpha Universe.
      • The question arises then that how did Cal get into the Beta Session, where he held far more importance.
  • This WMG then presumes that in Jane's Session, she'll create paradox clones of Poppop, Alpha!Mom, Alpha!Bro, and Grandma. These eventually become John, Rose, Dave, and Jade. Their ectobiological children become Nanna, Mom, Bro, and Grandpa (It's also possible that the ectobiological children will have different parents).
    • The book is sent back to the past with Poppop's paradox clone who becomes John (it's also possible it went back with Nanna, making the book one big stable time loop).
      • Jossed via mistaken assumption. Nanna's inscription shows that John was the true recipient of the book.
    • Roxy's wizard bunny goes with Rose and becomes her knitted bunny. Jake's Indiana Jones bunny goes with Jake and becomes Liv Tyler.
    • Lil' Cal appears in the ectobiology lab and goes back to the Beta Universe with Bro.
    • Presumably, Alpha versions of Maplehoof and Mutie are sent with Dave and Mom.
  • So to summarize:
    • John, Rose, Dave, Jade, Jane, Roxy, Dirk, and Jake are all paradox clones of their Alpha Universe counterparts, and their ectobiological parents are actually their ectobiological children.
    • The bunny's timeline is that the Beta!Con Air bunny goes to the Alpha universe and becomes the wizard bunny, which goes back to the Beta universe to become the knitted bunny, which goes back to the Alpha universe to become the Indiana Jones bunny, which goes back again to the Beta universe where it becomes Liv Tyler (and it goes to and from the Alpha Universe at least one more time!) This WMG presumes the Alpha! Con Air bunny/Lil' Sebastian is actually unrelated to the other bunnies and will be prototyped as Jane's kernelsprite.
      • This is Jossed: Dirk directly states that the Alpha Bunny is separate from Jake's bunny plan, moreover Liv was destroyed by the Green Sun.
    • Lil' Cal's timeline is that he was made by Gamzee in the Beta Session, goes with baby Dirk to the Alpha Session, goes with baby Bro back to the Beta Session, gets picked up by Jack after killing Bro, gets pulled out by Jack in the Troll Session, and then goes to the Troll Universe with a doomed Aradiabot. He is currently in possession of Gamzee on the meteor. The only way this timeline could be more messed up is if he enters the Alpha Session and then goes back to the Alpha Universe.
  • There is no indication that Skaian portals can send things between universes, and every indication that they cannot. Moreover, Doc's comments applied specifically to the Pre-Scratch trolls, and it has yet to be explained what he meant by that, but it seems those conditions do not apply to the Alpha Session, given UU's comments seem to ensure that they are destined to win the game. One suggested theory that is not so off the wall insane is that they simply weren't ectobiological clones, but had natural parents.
    • Doc Scratch says flat-out that the glitch foretelling Lord English's presence in a session is that the players were not created during that session. He also says that the original trolls arrived from the sky in a manner similar to that which we've seen other players arrive on their worlds during infancy. Furthermore, both Hussie and in-comic characters have stated that Sburb is the way in which reality is propagated, meaning all realities get a Sburb "install". If the original troll players were not made in their session and were not born via the natural means of their species, then it stands to reason that they were created in another session. Therefore, it seems very likely that Skaian portals can indeed send material to new sessions; in fact, this capacity to send across sessions may very well be the flip-side of the glitch Doc Scratch is referring to in discussing the original troll players' origins. While not stated outright, it is difficult to imagine another way for all the conditions laid out by Scratch regarding the original troll session, and those revealed in general Sburb exposition, to be met.
      • The only things shown to transport things cross session were Exile terminals, and those portals had a distinctly different color than either the Beta or Troll sessions; implying cross session shenanigans specifically are a very hard thing to organize. If it were as simple as entering a portal, Noir could have done that without needing to hide in the Frog Temple.

  • Jossed. There is one set of babies, those from the Beta Session, however, they were sent to two points in time, creating an alternate universe.

Lord English is Jake's legal ancestor
Many theories have suggested that Jake English is the source of Lord English's name because that's the backward way causality has flowed throughout Homestuck so far, but what if the explanation is simpler? What if the reason Jake doesn't share the Crocker last name is the same reason that Jade doesn't share the Egbert last name? What if it's because his grandmother married into the name English? Or what if he was adopted after her death or if she was separately adopted by him when the Batterwitch took John?
  • Jossed.

Alpha(scratched) session is already doomed
Somewhat twisted logic, so step by step process follows.
  • 1. Jade makes tadpole universal frog and places it inside an 8-ball for safe keeping.
  • 2. Said 8-ball falls into volcano.
  • 3. A small leap in reasoning leads to the frog little jade recovers in the past being the same frog that she would later create in the future.
    • So the key to making a universe frog stable is combining it with itself, honestly not that much weirder than anything else so far.
  • 4. Alpha session's sun and the frog are the same color (assuming blinding white light is still considered a color)
  • 5. Bec zaps said frog to death for no appearent reason, which in turn dooms Alpha session's universe.
    • Also this means that three different universes have been destroyed by the power of a Guardian (seriously is that a joke title or what?)
      • Bec killed the white frog so as to interfere with its personal timeline. By doing so, he ensured its causal entanglement, ensuring that it would not be appearified but paradox slimified instead, thus allowing for the creation of the Genesis frog. This still leaves the question of where the white frog was sendificated from, however.

  • The frog Jade found is not the Genesis Frog. The frog Jade made is also not the Genesis Frog (yet); that has to apparently be placed in the final version of Skaia and since Skaia no longer exists. Said small leap in reasoning makes no logical sense at all. Also the sun is the same color; it's called artistic effect, much like how the Troll's sun really isn't a giant heat vortex like it was shown when it blinded Terezi.
    • At any rate it is still doomed, but because it's the product of a faulty universe more than anything listed above.
      • Sburb exists in the universe, therefore the universe is doomed by default.
      • I thought Sburb just dooms a planet, not a whole universe.
      • Sburb means English gets into a Universe which means it ultimately is destroyed. In the only known session where he wasn't able to enter, that is true that only Alternia was destroyed, but the Scratch brought him into it.
      • After rereading the comic very recently, I can say with certainty that it is never said that Sburb's existence = Lord English's existence. The only mention of the conditions for which universes he picks is a glitch in the game where the players are not ectobiologically created in their own session.
      • That condition doesn't apply to any session at all actually. The glitch that hampered the first Troll Session is completely unknown as of yet, the fact that they weren't created in their own session is a symptom more than anything else. At any rate, the WMG is Jossed, due to the existence of GCat it can be inferred that Lord English will be involved at some point given both sessions seen so far with First Guardians were doomed, albeit the Kid's Session indirectly, via Jack.
      • Wait, what? Didn't Karkat say every universe has a first guardian? Did the existence of Bec have anything whatsoever to do with Lord English?
      • Karkat doesn't know everything. Regardless, the one known iteration of Lord English was dependent on the First Guardian, and Jack Noir would not have existed in his current form were it not for Bec and English's machinations via Doc. So while there's not someone directly saying in comic that First Guardians serve English, it's pretty apparent that they do.
    • It's very likely that that tadpole will be the Genesis Frog, though. From the flash update where grimdark Rose looks through the castle:
    "Though we adore Him we shall never enjoy His beauteous Croak. We spill our blood on acres of black and white so they may cross the yellow yard. At last in Skaia's reflection through broken glass He may find the pond in which He's meant to squat."
    • Here "Skaia's reflection" probably means the Skaia of the Alpha session, and for him to "cross the yellow yard," he had to exist before then, so he's most likely the tadpole that fell into the Forge.
    • No, that flashy tadpole was the last one needed to complete the Genesis Frog genome, not the Genesis frog itself- the one she had to strike a deal with her Denizen to remember how to get. Also, he doesn't have to already exist to be able to cross the yellow yard- notice it says "so they may cross the yellow yard," referring to Jade and John (who will presumably help create a Genesis Frog in the Alpha session).
    • While your point about "they" being ambiguous is valid, that tadpole is clearly the genesis frog. Kanaya mentions that the tadpole for the Genesis Frog is considerably larger than a normal tadpole. The genesis tadpole is nearly half Jade's size. The penultimate frog you're thinking of looks quite different, lacking the weird filigree pattern and having very different eyes. The mystery of where that frog was sendificated from is still due to be solved.
    • Human babies certainly don't look like adults when they grow up! The tadpole seemingly will age to become B. Slick.
  • Rose's exposition Jossed this directly.
Spidery Vampire is Lord English
They both have weird eyes, and probably it'll be Spidery Vampire that'll inspire Jake to create Lord English, going back in time and giving him his theme, creating another Stable Time Loop.
  • Probably partly Jossed; Aranea has been confirmed to be pre-Scratch Mindfang/Vriska.

Basically every session except the Alpha/Beta ones are Troll sessions. There are only humans at all because Karkat/Kanaya skipped the last frog
UU can't see into the Alpha session because of Roxy, but she implies that she can see into just about every other session. When she draws god-tier Dirk she sticks the god-tier-troll wings on him, which implies that she's only ever seen trolls reach the god tier, which would imply that any other session with humans either A) gets blacked out or B) never gets any god tiers or C) are uncommon enough that UU's never seen them.
  • What seems to have been implied is that Humanity has gone extinct since the end of the Alpha Session or else they live completely apart from Trolls, possibly even in another universe entirely. UU doesn't seem to have observed many sessions though, and her research instead seems to be in a historical sense. While it's unknown why trolls are so dominant later, Humans certainly didn't evolve solely because of Kanaya and Karkat's mistakes, as dozens of species evolve in universes created by Sburb, and the Trolls themselves are the products of a 48 player session of unknown species.
    • Oh Hussie how you managed to bait us so.

Gamzee is hording the troll-corpses somewhere connected to the "coffee machine" we see in Act 6, and that beverage ain't coffee; it's troll-juice
A pretty straight-forward theory. First, no one seems to know where the "coffee machine" came from. Second, no one seems to know how it works. Third, Dave's "[this] coffee sucks" comment; it doesn’t taste like coffee, but to him that’s what it looks like, so he labels it “bad coffee” and doesn’t think anything more about it. The reason it doesn’t taste like coffee, though, is because it isn’t. Fourth, we never see any of the trolls drinking or referring to drinking coffee; pretty weird when you consider Karkat does not sleep at all from the end of their session until the meet-up scene on the asteroid. Fifth, the "film" we see on the coffee is part of the hemospectrum.
  • Pretty jossed. Gamzee saved their blood and is using it as "potions". Besides that film actually exists in shitty coffee.

There is no difference between the Guardians of the beta verse and the Kids of the alpha universe, and vice versa.
In other words, Bro, Mom, Nanna, and Grandpa in the beta universe are the Dirk, Roxy, Jane, and Jake we've come to know and love; John, Rose, Jade, and Dave are the same people as Poppop, Roxy's mom, Dirk's bro, and Jake's grandma. Homestuck will end with them winning the game and successfully creating a new universe, but they will be unable to claim their prize. In order to keep the time loops stable, the alpha kids will have to go back in time to raise the kids in the beta universe, and the beta kids will have to go back in time to pave the way for the kids in the alpha universe. In the end, the only one to survive will be Jane, because she will eventually be brought back as Nannasprite.
  • This is Jossed because this is factually not how the Scratch works AT ALL. The two sets of kids and their counterparts are no more connected than Spades Slick and Bec Noir. They are two distinct instances of the same individual with no connection beyond being identical as infants, and having nascent superpowers. Obviously some of their personalities are similar, but they've still got distinct differences. Grandma English and Jade in particular are very different.

All of the worlds in-play are actually Earth, at different points in the sun's lifespan.

Earth is obviously Earth, of course. Yellow sun and human beings. The cherub planet is most likely <i>also</i> Earth, when the sun is dying in the far future. Because the Statues of Liberty are a horrible movie reference. Thanks a lot, Dave. Alternia's second moon is known to not be an original feature of the planet. Alternia is Earth in between the humans and the cherubim, when the sun is changing color and swelling, but still strong and vital.

This also thematically matches the romance spectrum, where the trolls with all four quadrants are in-between the humans, who only have red, and the cherubim, who only have black.
  • Jossed: The sun expanding to a red giant will actually destroy the earth. The Cherubs will have to live on Mars if they live in a human universe at all.

The current session will end because the Tumor detonates.
A.) The Condesce uses it because either Dirk and Roxy didn't prototype their kernelsprites, so she used it to beat Prospit. B.) Either LE or TC uses it to beat the other. Both scenarios could end the session.
  • Uh, the Post-Scratch session doesn't HAVE a Tumor. That was the whole point.
    • Well it would've had if the Battlefield didn't go and blow up.
      • No it wouldn'tve. The session was preordained to be a Void Session. There's no indication they would have a Tumor, even if the Battlefield had remained intact. There's no indication Tumors are an ordinary part of a normal Null Sessions either for that matter. Hussie's comments about the peculiarity of the Beta Human Session seems to indicate Tumors are abnormal.
      • Moreover, the Post-Scratch Session is destined to succeed due to the involvement of the Pre-Scratch Kids. The Tumor, even if it WASN'T an abnormality, would only show up in an impossible-to-win session, since it takes the place of the 'infinite creative potential' inside Skaia.

Equius, Nepeta, Eridan, and Feferi will become God Tier...
By Gamzee putting them on the Alpha Kids quest beds, considering they are also Void/Heart/Hope/Life.
  • Doesn't work that way. Trolls don't sleep on beds after all, and those beds don't correspond to their dreamselves (who are deceased anyways).

Anyone who's not God Tier cannot enter the universe they create.
Vriska was, at the time, the only God Tier troll, so Skaia sent Jack Noir their way to ensure they couldn't enter their new universe. That Karkat talks about his plan to be a "god" in the new universe may back this up. Relatedly, all the post-Scratch kids will end up either God Tier or dead, with the most likely outcomes being "all dead" or "all dead except Jane".
  • Jossed by the language used about the new universes by Hussie. Andrew has referred to players as nascent demigods who end up shaping a universe. The God Tiers are just that, more extreme power and more direct godly parallels, but not strictly speaking a necessary part of the game. Besides, Karkat clearly was capable of opening a door.

The Kids are actually from the Alpha Universe
Remember when Scratch said Sburb players can be spawned outside of their own session? That's what's happening. So the ecto-kids John created went to the Alpha universe, and the ecto kids they will presumably create will go back to the Beta universe. If we assume that the kid/guardian relationship are totally reversed, then John, Rose, Dave and Jade could very well be paradox clones of their own alternate universe selves, and their guardians are their own ectobiological children. Which just makes things even weirder. Skaia knows how this affects the bunny.
  • Which means that the meteors from the Beta!Reckoning went to Alpha!Earth and vice versa?
  • Jossed. The meteors from the Beta!Reckoning went to both Earths (it's Homestuck, what do you expect?). There won't be an Alpha!Reckoning.

Jake is a ghost.
This page appeared following the deaths of Jane and Roxy's real selves. While Jake's dreamself is dead, their dreamselves are still alive but unconscious. Perhaps the lanterns track real selves as opposed to dream selves? And since Jake's was already blown out...
  • Umm... what, their dreamselves probably died as well from delayed damage.
    • Yea, Dream Selves die if the real body isn't kissed by another player in time. Since Dirk and Jake are unconscious and several magnitudes removed from Jane and Roxy...WELP.
      • It's been made pretty clear by this point that Jane's Dreamself isn't going to die any time soon- being caught in a stabbing and an explosion wasn't enough to do her in. As for Roxy's, she's in good hands.
  • Jossed with direct meet up.

Dirk and Roxy will become their own parents.
Just to clarify, obviously their parents also exist in their own right. But at the end of the most recent flash, all four kids are on Jake's island in Jake's present; Jane has technically entered the session, but the others haven't, and while all of them have at least had the requisite devices placed and Jake's entry would be a natural thing to be part of the end-of-act flash, Dirk and Roxy presumably need to be back in the future. They could simply time-travel back to their natural time period or something, but they could also travel partway down The Slow Path. Perhaps it's really them who fought Guy Fieri and the Insane Clown Posse and their subsequent "disappearances" were them making their way back to their own present, older, wiser and with a ton of levels? Weird and wholly implausible theory, I know.
  • Jossed for a pretty simple reason: Strider and Lalonde don't look like Dirk and Roxy, and we already know guests can be transported to the medium during an entry, like Dad or the other guardians.

The Felt exist in the Alpha Session.
A corollary to the Doc Scratch theory above. Presumably, he and The Felt are a package deal.
  • On the other hand, there's no Midnight Crew.
    • We haven't even been to the Alpha Session yet (only its Earth), and considering the Crew have equivalents in the Beta Kids' Session, it's reasonable to think they're integral parts of the game.
      • But there is no Midnight Crew on the post-reckoning planet. Of course the agents exist, but the Crew itself and seemingly the Felt were one-off deals thus far.
      • Unless they have gills, Jossed. The principle however was well thought out; it simply seems to be that because the Condesce shaped Alpha Earth and not Doc Scratch, there are her Imperial Drones instead of the Felt.
      • Not quite Jossed. Maybe they're pirates instead of gangsters; Lord English has a peg leg, after all. Plus, Hussie has said he might show how the Felt became the Felt, suggesting some sort of appearance. And Clover is ambiguously alive.
      • Dirk's exposition about Future Earth does not include them. It would also run counter to the Condesce's fear of Lord English, so it's pretty much confirmed at this point that they're not on Alpha Earth.

In the chaos of Sburb, Jane will lose most of her cool Betty Crocker equipment.
At first, she will be upset about this, but it will lead to her being freed from her brainwashing (and she'll be able to alchemize much cooler stuff, anyway).
  • She's well on the way to it already, her computer having blown up.
    • Jossed: There's actually no chaos in a Void Session; Jane hasn't even fought an Imp yet.

Jane will bring Jake's dreamself back to life.
She is a player of Life and her initials are JC... Other than that, I got nothing...
  • Nothing is said about the green lantern being re-lit in the prophecy in Myststuck, so this is probably Jossed.

The Alphas are going to die in the exact order they were killed in the Beta session.
First Jake (Grandpa), then Jane (Nanna), then D (Bro), then R (Mom), and somewhere around R's, Dad. We've already seen Jake's Dreamself get killed, and if it's actually what we think it is then maybe Jane's in for, too. We'll just have to see how this whole scenario plays out, though...
  • Course, we have no idea when Grandpa Harley died exactly. Jade was at the very least able to read and speak by the time he died, and unless she was able to do that at under 4 months of age (the window between her arrival and John's)...
  • Alternatively, it could be the same order the Beta kids died. The first to die was Jade's dreamself, prior to John's waking self being killed by Jack and unleashing his god tier resurrection. Jake's dreamself died followed by Jane's waking self being blown up. That would mean the next kill would be R Lalonde (awake, possibly with Jane's dreamself dying just prior or simultaneously, if we count Bec Noir sucker-stabbing John), then D Strider (awake), then Jake's waking self, followed by R and D's dreamselves...
    • Looking to be more likely: Jane's dreamself was the third to die- sucker-stabbed by Jack Noir, just like John's.
      • Jane's dreamself a) was second to be attacked and b) seemingly didn't die.
    • Myststuck confirms that Roxy and Dirk's dreamselves will eventually die, but Jane's probably won't, and if she does it'll be after the other two.
  • Ergo Jossed.

The Beta Kids and the trolls will all but replace the Alpha Kids.
Consider: Jack Noir got to Prospit with little known trouble and killed both Prospit heroes. It's relatively safe to say he already killed the Derse dreamers before he went over to Prospit. One of the Alpha kids is very likely to be properly dead, because of exploding mailbox, and the other three are in for a difficult game because they won't have the extra life afforded by having a dreamself, and possibly can't ascend to the God Tiers. Some time after meeting the Beta kids and doing the things seen in EOA6I1, the Alpha kids are pretty much doomed.

On the other hand, there are eight replacement players on their way, of which at least four are already God Tier, including four planets and a second battlefield. To them, it'd be like a New Game+! Alpha Jack wouldn't know what hit him, leaving only Bec Noir to deal with.
  • As a note, I would say that he has not already killed the Derse dreamers. Upon killing Dream-Jane, the narration said 'Two down, two to go.'
  • Pretty much Jossed.

Jane's death will have similar trappings to Doctor Who.
The Doctor's already sprinkled throughout the series, what with friends that could control time and space, John's theme being called "Doctor", quotes hidden in some of the bandcamp music, a reference by John earlier to Karkat, Lord English's coat trim resembling Four's famous scarf, heck, as of now even regeneration! It should stand to reason that Jane's death might end up being a reference to the serial "The Impossible Astronaut" by being killed mid-Lifey-thing.
  • None of the musical references are canonical, English's coat is actually a reference to the colors in pool, and Time and Space are far more wide spanning than just Doctor Who. Besides, Jossed as of current canon, as Jane's dreamself is still alive.
  • Jossed now.

Alpha Courtyard Droll will undergo a Heel–Face Turn.
The Droll has been known to be a Minion with an F in Evil in all three incarnations and has either made friends or attempted to make friends with the heroes before. Of course, he always remembered his allegiance to Derse in the end...but he has clearly shown misgivings with the new Dersite regime's agenda. Under their "new management", Derse will continue to sink to lows any Derse of a normal session would never sink to, and the guilt will drive CD to helping the considerably nicer Kids defeat his former superiors.
  • He's already assisted the pre-Scratch kids (knowingly or not) by destroying his session's battlefield.
    • CD isn't intelligent enough to comprehend guilt. He felt somewhat bad about killing Jake's dreamself, but still is loyal to Derse. When taking Beta CD into account, the theory is pretty much Jossed.

Someone is putting Roxy to sleep
This ties in with the non-alcoholic beverages theory above. It could be because someone is experimenting. It could also be something more sinister. Although its extremely unlikely to be any of them, characters who have put other people to sleep include Vriska (to John and Jade), Aradia (to Sollux), and Doc Scratch (to Kanaya).
  • Doc Scratch never put Kanaya to sleep; he was mentioned briefly to have guided her to Prospit but the manner in which that occurred is unknown. At any rate, Jossed.

The reason Dirk is such a genius is because he has two active brains.
Both his normal and dream selves are active at all times, so there's no reason to think that he couldn't think with both brains.
  • Which could also explain why Beta session Bro Strider showed no interest in robots: he would have been only half as intelligent as Alpha Dirk.
  • Would that mean that Dirk would no longer be a genius if his dream self died?
  • Jossed: Dirk isn't a genius.

The Auto-Responder has learned about Alternian society from his conversations with Roxy, while Dirk still knows nothing about the trolls.
Primarily guessing because of this page. In talking about Dirk's flushed interest in Jake and plans relating to such, the AR says that they are "beyond the pail" (clearly a reference to the trolls' reproductive cycle), and Dirk doesn't pick up on the reference.
  • Jossed

The alpha kids are getting set up with some sort of reverse fairy-god-troll thing
Jake has the Unknown Troll Girl, Roxy has the Other Unknown Troll Girl Who Looks Kind Of Like Feferi, and at this rate Dick and Jane will have Mystery Troll Boys within the fortnight.
  • Jossed: It's just the two troll girls; though one could argue uu and UU correspond to Dirk and Jane respectively, the patron troll shenanigans still don't work because Aranea and UU are talking to everyone and Meenah has no real connection to Roxy besides wanting to hunt her.

Jake will enter the Alpha Session as the Condesce floods Earth.
Jane's countdown wasn't actually counting towards a meteor, but simply the arrival of the Condesce to Alpha Earth - an indirectly cataclysmic event in it's own right. It can be assumed that Jake's countdown will be similar, because the Condesce will at some point entirely flood Earth to match Roxy & Dirk's future. While Jane: Enter shows the volcano on Jake's island to be almost completely submerged and no longer having lava flow from the top, a panel in the EOA6I1 shows it's going to fully erupt at some point.
  • Rose's exposition was accompanied by a panel that showed the Condesce's invasion wasn't complete until around 2030. Seemingly Jossed.
    • By my ruler, the change in color after 2000 is about 15% of the length of the 1900-2000, which puts it closer to 11.11.11 than to 2030. It's still quite possible, being that I doubt AH expected anyone to be anal enough to take a ruler to the screen.
      • It looked farther than Poppop and Grandma's landings in 1910, which is what prompted the "Not 2011". Remains to be seen at any rate.
      • The arrival of Alpha John and Jade is about 32 pixels away from 1900. The timeline turning red is about 38 pixels away from 2000. So probably a few years later, but before the end of the decade.
    • Jossed: Dirk's exposition revealed the flooding of the Earth was a gradual thing.

The Alpha session Exiles will be from the past, not the future. Or they will be from another planet entirely
This Session is screwed up already. Might as well make it more confusing.
  • No they're from the Session per normal rules though they aren't exiles. Jossed.

Some humans escaped the Condesce's invasion of Earth through some sort of ark
Not only would this be a Biblical reference, it would also be a reference to the White Ship of MOTHER 3. This troper is betting on a free colony of humans hidden somewhere on Mars.
  • Isn't that more likely how the Exiles ended up on Earth?
  • Jossed by Dirk.

There will be post-entry protoypings, and they will reflect the B1 Kids sprites except for Roxy
No-one said an empty kernel can't be prototyped after entry. Jane will probably self-prototype in some fashion, mimicking both Nannasprite and Jadesprite. Meanwhile, Jake will prototype an urn containing ashes of his dead grandmother and her dog Harley (as John is the stuffed corpse, its logical to assume Jade is the one cremated). The result is the ghost of Jake's grandma as a dog - again reflecting Nannasprite and Jadesprite. Dirk will definitely prototype the AR as Dirksprite, there's just too much Foreshadowing of that, and his Myth Arc is about a divided self. Finally, Roxy will be the combo-breaker - hers is the only text color that doesn't match a B1 Kid's sprite. This troper is guessing she'll prototype her Dream Self after entry, and then it will be prototyped with Mutie, or maybe even GCat. This will then affect her appearence when/if she goes God Tier.

As for why Roxy and Dirk won't try and revive their parents...
  • Jossed: Tavris didn't remotely reflect anything about Nannasprite.

The Batterwitch was responsible for setting the kids up to meet each other
They had to meet somehow, and since they live in different time frames there's no way it could have happened naturally. If I recall correctly, the Beta kids met up due to John's package being sent to Jade in the past (I can't remember why that happened, I think it was exiles maybe?), but the alpha session is so broken that even if that happened, Jake never would have been able to find Dirk or Roxy.
  • Dirk and Roxy already have access to technology that warps space. It's not much of a stretch for them to have technology that warps time too, at least in the sense that Trollian does. Moreover, UU was in contact with all of them, and may have helped Dirk and Roxy get in contact with Jake and Jane. Jake also accidentally managed to come in contact with Jade, so it's also possible he simply accidentally contacted the others.
  • I somehow doubt UU would connect them up, because of her not wanting to reveal spoilers. I also wouldn't be surprised if Dirk and Roxy had the tech to communicate backwards in time lying around their houses, but I get the feeling that the Batterwitch is manipulating a whole lot of what's going on.
    • Rose suggests they have some sort of Trollian-esque client.
  • Yeah, I understand that they have the technology to communicate with each other, but then they also would have the tech to communicate with any of the other eight billion people on the planet, or heck, they could probably talk to people even further in the past. The question is how they met two random kids from four thousand years in the past.
    • How did John and Jade meet on the internet with thousands of people around? Oh right, because the plot needs that to happen. Besides there's historical interest for Dirk to have tried to get in contact with the heiress of the Empress's pre-invasion empire.
      • Also because Jade sent to herself in the past John's present causing her to try to contact him.
  • Jossed: Dirk said UU organized it, however he and Roxy both did have historical interest in contacting Jake and Jane specifically as the son of Grandma English and the Heiress to the Crockercorp Empire.
    • We don't know if the Batterwitch could have influenced UU.
      • It's pretty evident as of now she couldn'tve.

Poppop Crocker, Mom Lalonde (B2 Rose) and Bro Strider (B2 Dave) are all in the Medium
Hey, it happened to Grandpa. Poppop might have actually faked his death and left behind a fake corpse - the ultimate prank. Meanwhile, Bro and Mom entered the Medium to escape the invasion. Unlike the B1 Guardians, who were separated from their children when they entered the sessions, the B2 Guardians will find their children and there will be tearful reunions...or more precisely meetings. It's not like UU said Roxy's mother and daughter were the same person...even though they sort of are.
  • UU's words pretty clearly applied to Roxy meeting Rose.
  • Alternately, they've lost access to their guardians' corpses in the intervening 400 years of global flooding and antagonism by the Batterwitch who had them killed in the first place.
  • Judging by the timeline in A 6 I 2, Roxy and Dirk almost certainly never knew their versions of Mom or Bro.
  • Jossed: They died fighting the Condesce. Crocker might however be in the Medium with shenanigans.
    • There are other theories that Mom and Bro survived somehow.

The Alpha session lotus time capsule thing goes backwards instead of forwards
If it goes forwards, it would drop most of the stuff out when it's all flooded. Instead, it goes backwards, so everything comes out in the past (but not many). So Jake goes through the capsule, goes back in time, and probably ends up finding out what happened to grandma and his house. Then one of the other characters in the future (Dirk?) would probably have to get a copy of SBURB into the capsule to get it to Jake, paralleling Jade getting Dave's copy. It would also explain partially why Jake needs to go into the frog temple at this exact time, and in the EOA6A2 flash, he was going down the elevator that goes to the time capsule. This would also make sense with the exiles being possibly in the past instead of the future.
  • Jossed.

When the beta kids arrive in the alpha session, they won't arrive at the same time with respect to earth (time is complicated!)
Specifically, Dave, Rose, gC, cG, gA, tC, and WV will arrive in 2011 with Jake and Jane, and John and Jade will arrive in 2424, or whatever year it is, with Dirk and Roxy. This keeps the same sets of four, kind of, with half switched out for the other session's equivalent. John and Jade will probably arrive through one of Roxy's fenestrated planes. Dave and Rose were recently implying that they don't have any brakes on the meteor without Sollux, so all they can do is sail through the Alpha medium, crash into Skaia, and then Skaia sends them to go crash on something that needs crashing on, I don't know what. Maybe Jake's house? I guess it could go the other way, and John and Jade end up coming through the fenestrated plane that may or may not be the mystery object in Jake's inventory and Dave and Rose get to be a meteor that smashes into Dirk's or Roxy's houses, but they're already needing to leave fast to escape the Batterwitch.
  • The Kids aren't planning on going to Earth at all. While they can't exactly stop the meteor, there's nothing stopping the Kids and Trolls from jumping off it, and John and Jade have been heavily suggested to crash through a wall related to Jake. Roxy's portals are distinctly different than the fenestrated walls used by Jack and by proxy, Andrew and the Harleys, as they are linked to one location (The Furthest Ring), while the fenestrated walls can switch their viewpoint and link to another universe entirely. It seems that if anyone is going to Earth, it'll be John and Jade's group, and that's not even a sure thing.
  • Okay, so John and Jade come in through Jake's window, when he's probably still on Earth because he's probably entering last still. And then if Rose Seer-of-Light's that she and Dave should stay on the meteor and go through the Skaian defense portal and end up on Earth, I'd guess he'd probably listen. Not sure if all of the trolls would, but Dave probably. I'm not saying that this is the most likely thing to happen (putting the 'W' in WMG), but it's within the realm of possibility, doesn't contradict anything (I think), and explains (partially) why the Alpha kids would be stuck in two different time periods. Also because the Beta kids haven't actually seemed to have made any plans of how to meet up again.
    • Jade's got to place planets around somewhere and Dave has time powers. Seems to me that if the Beta Lands are there, then Dave can just do his time thing and find Jade and John pretty easily! Part of the problem with Dave and Rose entering via a meteor though is that they would have to fly down from the meteor, meet Dirk or Roxy, and enter that way, because Dirk and Roxy live very far apart with no (known anyways) landmarks to guide Rose and Dave from one place to the other, and Rose's Light powers might not grant enough guidance. Granted, Bro flew to meet Dave's meteor, but he's Bro.
    • Finally 'Jossed: Red Miles are beginning to appear above Future Earth, indicating it will be destroyed shortly.

Even without the Reckoning, Alpha Earth is still doomed.
Jade openeda .ATH program that made her computer explode. Karkat earlier opened a .ATH program that did the same. Presumably, it is the same program, which means that the next step will soon follow. On Alternia, it killed off all of the Lususes. On Earth it would either kill off all of the parents (since the lususes are the guardians of young trolls) or kill off all of the animals (because the lususes can be any species except for troll). Either way, Earth is doomed, and the kids still need to Ascend.
  • Jossed via a misunderstanding of Act 6. The ~ATH program is not the same as Sollux's, curses have been revealed to be the will of Paradox Space, and Dirk and Roxy aren't even threatened by the same threat as Jane or Jake. Jake for one is threatened apparently by a volcanic eruption, while Dirk and Roxy presumably will need to enter because of increasing attacks from the Empress.
    • And Dirk's exposition directly jossed this one.
      • The WMG itself is flawed, but due to Red Miles appearing above Future Earth, it is in fact doomed.

As a result, the Alpha kids will have trouble climbing their echeladder.
Being devoid of life not only means no salamanders, but no imps. This isn't that much of a problem for Jake, who's been shown to have climbed his echeladder quite a bit by getting his ass repeatedly whooped by Dirk's robot, or Dirk or Roxy, who presumably have experience fighting Crocker's forces, but it could be a problem for Jane, who may find herself hoping the Beta worlds aren't too devoid of low-level imps or too heavy in high-level ones.
  • Not necessarily. Certain steps of the quest will make-do for echeladder growth. The series of tombs on each planet should provide enough environmental puzzles and challenges to suffice, and actually might work out better for some (especially Jane, who has no known combat experience, and would likely just let Lil' Sebastian fight instead- receiving no credit as she doesn't have the Bunnykind strife specibus).
    • What just hit me is that when Jade entered, she was the weakest member of the group; in contrast, when Jake enters, he will probably initially be the second strongest, and would likely climb his echeladder the fastest in this manner due to his love of tombs.
    • Jossed. Remember John and Tavros have been shown to gain experience outside of combat, Tavros getting it from puzzles apparently.

The moment the Pre-Scratch Summoner would appear...
...Is when Dante finally reaches Rufio: Make him pay.
  • "Jossed" if his sillhouette counts, but it did coincide with Dante releasing an audio clip of him reading Dave.
  • And now Dante has reached that point, and there's no sign of any further appearance of him...

Meenah will eventually use her Thief of Life powers to bring herself and/or the other Pre-Scratch trolls (or at least Aranea) back to life and then they will attempt to defeat Lord English
It's said that Lord English can only be destroyed through a number of time-based glitches and loopholes. What's a bigger glitch/loophole than twelve trolls, whose timeline has been eliminated from the face of existence, coming back to life? In fact that might even be the reason why Meenah attacked Roxy in the first place, she was going to steal Roxy's life so that she could use it to help revive the others! Or at least revive Aranea if there are no others.
  • Jossed via misunderstand. That doesn't fit in with the role of a Thief; that's much more in line with a Rogue of Life than anything else. However, Meenah as the Thief of Life has both the literal interpretation of her title, that she's a murderer and ruined the lives of the others with sburb, or a more metaphorical take, in that her alternate as the Condesce basically distorted Alternia to the point where virtually all the other Ancestors were completely miserable, save herself.

The pre-Scratch Ancestors escaped the Scratch
I know, this doesn't make any sense, right? They're all quite clearly dead.


Doc Scratch says this about the A1 Scratch: "This reset would come at the cost of wiping the failed heroes from existence."

But then Aranea says something slightly different: "the choice to do so came with accepting the annihilation of our existing forms"

Almost similar, but not quite. It's implied that Ancestors are in dream bubbles because Meenah killed them all before the Scratch erased them. If so, "existing forms" could translate to "existing bodies". In other words, the price of the Scratch was to erase the bodies of the pre-Scratch Ancestors from existence.

And this is totally different from just erasing the A1 trolls. Why?

No-one said those bodies had to belong to the alpha timeline.

So according to this WMG, the Ancestors had their doomed timeline selves start the Scratch for them. But why hasn't Doc Scratch, Aranea or even UU indicated anything about this? In a word, Void.

It's already established that Void blocks out Doc Scratch omniscience. But UU takes it a step further and says Void can destroy knowledge. Which seems to indicate some form of altering memories. Depending on pre-Scratch Darkleer's abilities, he could have blacked out the entire session and erased the memories of their doomed timeline counterparts, making them think they were from the alpha timeline. In other words, they pranked Doc Scratch. And he still wouldn't be lying about his earlier statement, because doomed timeline players are failed heroes, after a fashion.

How did the alpha timeline trolls physically leave their session then? This is where Roxy's dream self and The Great Flood references come into play. The B2 kids somehow create an Ark for the A1 session, which Roxy sends through the void using her Message In A Bottle Modus. They could probably also send Jake's size changers (the ones Liv Tyler has) so they could grow/shrink the Ark, and maybe other things too. Like their planets. And then they blast off for eithier the Furthest Ring or another Yellow Yard that Hussie set up in secret. This will make them a Spanner in the Works for Lord English's ambiguously defined plans.

Speaking of Hussie, this troper guesses the Hussie that died was also a doomed timeline self, and the real Hussie is hiding out in a secret base somewhere, explaining why he can still narrate even though he's dead (Dream Bubbles are not the Fourth Wall). A revelation like this is just the sort of thing Hussie would parody with a fourth wall breaking segment.

Convoluted and complicated? Yes. But this is Homestuck.
  • First and largest problem: it was Meenah's plan specifically that saved them from utter destruction. While what exactly the Life aspect does is still ambiguous, and it may very well cover the use of alternate selves, the fact remains that Meenah's plan couldn't invoke the use of the Hero of Void, especially given Aranea says nobody liked Meenah at all.
    • Secondly, the Aranea we see is God Tiered. A God Tiered player tricked into being a sacrifice with implanted memories probably wouldn't even qualify as Heroic or Just, whereas the implication otherwise is that Aranea died in a Heroic Sacrifice against Meenah.
    • Thirdly, without a God Tiered Seer of Light, there's virtually no way they could have navigated to the Alpha Session anyways; a Slyph's domain doesn't cover that and we have no idea who the Seer of the session was, if there even was one. Even Terezi's abilities weren't even enough to navigate the Furthest Ring, Rose's specific abilities were uniquely suited to the task
    • Fourthly, there's far too much extrapolation here. The Alpha Kids don't even know who the Pre-Scratch Trolls are, and given Meenah attempted to murder Roxy might not even care if they die! There's no indication that Void powers can alter memories, and there's no way without the influence of the Handmaid's duplicate that the doomed timeline doubles could be part of the plan. Not to mention there's no sign of Trolls anywhere in the Alpha Sessions mythology and all signs point to them dying at some point; there's already room enough for them to be a Spanner in the Works without introducing a convoluted plot to save 12 characters that haven't even been shown!
    • Lastly, the Green Sun's ignition and flash came only a fair amount of time after the Trolls completed their session; given the dire straits the Pre-Scratch Session was in (seemingly identical to those of the Beta Human Session), they wouldn't have had time to see the flash and know where to go.
  • Going with Jossed for a writing reason: Andrew is culiminating a variety of arcs and the story is winding down now, despite evidence to the contrary. Not many characters have been introduced completely new at this stage; only UU and uu are completely new to Act 6, and even they are reflections of Karkat. With all the plot threads Andrew is busy tying closed, it's extremely unlikely that he will introduce 12 largely new characters (as the theory relies on the fact that they are different from the Aranea and Meenah we saw) and save them, especially when the prophecy about the total deaths of all the original 12 trolls is taken into account. The theory hinges on an interpretation that Aranea and Doc didn't say the same thing, which is total YMMV. Aranea's comments are the same as Doc's when you consider she probably meant "current forms" as in their iterations as players. From there, the theory dances on so many loose connections that it's impossible to put any weight on it.
  • Meanwhile, Meenah apparently killed everyone using her session's Tumor.

Meena will be a Red Herring of some sort
She is a purple-red fish.
  • Already Jossed. If nothing else, she's providing characterization on the Condesce.
    • I didn't say what she'd be a Red Herring for, merely that she would be one.
      • That doesn't mean anything. A Red Herring is at heart an intentionally misleading character, and with Meenah's successful plan to save the Pre-Scratch Trolls and providing characterization on the Condesce, she cannot be a Red Herring. Also purple-red has a name, it's Fuchsia.

Meenah killed herself in order not to cease to exist, due to the Scratch.
Aranea just happened to die previously on their adventure.
  • There's no indication death via Scratch is in any way different from death any other way.
  • Now that you bring it up, does scratching count as dooming the timeline? The Babies/Grubs being sent in reverse order and all.
    • No because it was predestined. See such plot events as Jake and Jade being in contact, etc.
  • Close, though the WMG is probably Jossed as it seems Meenah killed everyone, Aranea included.

All of the dead trolls will be effectively opposites of their Post-Scratch counterparts.
As mentioned above, the dead trolls presented thus far are Face Heel Reversals of their counterparts- Meenah is less caring and more violent than Feferi was while Aranea is more sympathetic than the sadistic Vriska. It could be a theme amongst the rest of them, once introduced!
  • Given what we know of some of the other troll ancestors, this has some weight: The Sufferer crusaded for peace while Karkat is perpetually angry, The Summoner led rebellions while Tavros lacks confidence, The Executor questioned the supremacy of highbloods while Equius believes wholeheartedly in it, The Handmaid is rebellious towards Doc Scratch and Lord English while Aradia serves the spirits she hears without question... It is, however, a far more difficult case for other ancestors.
    • Only the problem is that Ancestors are one-dimensional stereotypes while players are much more complicated. Compare the Alpha Kids to their counterparts as Beta Guardians, or the Beta Kids. Roxy and Rose in particular are strongly opposed, but even then they're not one-dimensionally the exact opposite of each other. Remember too the Sufferer's cool broke over into rage, while Karkat's rage is always tempered by his true kindness, the Summoner's rebellion ended in failure, like Tavros's, the Executor lamented his decision the rest of his life, while Equius's whole hearted devotion to the blood caste system led directly to his death, and the Handmaid was groomed to be nothing but a slave, while Aradia willingly learned to serve. Exact opposites, no. Overlapping highly, absolutely!
      • Even comparing Meenah & Feferi, they aren't exact opposites. Feferi could be pretty callous and didn't exactly let down Eridan the easiest she could, and Meenah at the very least is very outgoing and energetic. One's Ax-Crazy and the other is a Genki Girl who happens to be a Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant. Also on Pre-Scratch Alternia, the Vast Glub could never be used as a threat to cull entire castes, eliminating one of the tentpoles of the Condesce's empire, and possibly the only thing keeping her from being overthrown.
      • And outright Jossed by Aranea's characterization.

On Alternia, UU is the chumhandle for all NPCs.
We've already seen two uus- one uppercase, one lowercase. It could be a possibility that on Alternia, all Npcs on the planet, instead of having a theme to their names, would have the generic title of uu, much like in a conventional RPG how an NPC was given the generic name of "Citizen" or "somethingorother 1/2/etc".
  • Rendered irrelevant by later revelations.

uu and UU aren't from a pre-scratch session
Judging by the latest flash, troll society returns in the Alpha Session's future Earth. They might be from this future Earth and are communicating with the Alpha kids via time shenanigans as opposed to being from a different universe. It might also explain UU's knowledge of human society. It's not another universe to her, it's history!
  • Her knowledge of Sburb and the depth of that knowledge seems to suggest that isn't the case, as does the fact that UU refers to many many sessions that have come and gone. UU also told Jane she was from another universe. We also don't know that the buildings are inhabited or not; after all, the Condesce would have a pretty hard time establishing troll society given all the tribulations and trials it entails even for Kanaya who has a matriorb. However, it would fit into a neat sense of symmetry, and is well within the scope of possibility.
    • Given that UU's tome of knowledge is heavily suggested to be Rose and Kanaya's journal, it's highly possible.
      • Possibly Jossed by Dirk's confirmed that no trolls are on Alpha Earth.
      • In his own time. That says nothing about their future, especially if this is related to Kanaya's recreated matriorb.
      • That assumes his earth has a future.
  • Not quite Jossed, but most of the supporting evidence on both sides is irrelevant.
    • Yes her info comes from Kanaya and Rose's Book, so the premises are false, and as such, Jossed.

UU and uu are the Mirthful Messiahs
So until uu was introduced, I was convinced the cycle of universes Hussie was showing was Alpha!Trolls—>scratch—>Beta!Trolls—>Beta!Kids—>scratch—>Alpha!Kids—>Alpha!Trolls etc. But then these two and their two-player session throw a wrench in. But if you successfully create a universe you become its gods ... so what if they created the Alpha!Troll universe? And became its gods?
  • Jossed. Word of God is that A) The Alpha Troll session was created by a 48 player session of unknown species and B) Doc Scratch and Lord English are the Mirthful Messiahs.
    • (A) was an obvious joke and part of his Running Gag about doing an act about a 48 player Squiddle session in response to whining about how long Hivebent took the plot away from the kids.
      • A is canon. Karkat has alluded to this being the case with references to the Troll Zodiac having 48 symbols. Only the fact that they're Squiddles is a joke, and that may not even be the case!
      • Hussie said that Lord English and Doc Scratch were the one's perceived as the Mirthful Messiahs, so if one is Lord English...
      • Nevertheless, they're not the Troll's mirthful messiahs. Certainly seem to calling back to them.

Bro's glasses actually have an Auto Responder in them...
  • We probably will never know.
  • Doubtful, though, considering that Bro doesn't show any signs of possessing future tech beyond his rocket board.
    • And Dirk himself outright says much of his tech isn't really anything he made but just stuff that exists in the future.

Mr. Crocker remembers the Beta World.
He, out of all the guardians, has not changed. This makes him stand out; If he was the only one without a change, this likely could mean that he still retains the old memories he had from the Beta World. Unfortunately, this would involve a bit of Fridge Horror, as the recent watching of Jane's "Mailsplosion" would bring back unknown, painful memories of a similar incident somewhere in his past.

Plus, it'd give a whole new reason behind his name being Mr. Crocker: Nobody but him knows about the Old Universe. Nobody'd believe him, either.
  • Remembering the Beta universe would invite unavoidable comparisons to the Signless/Sufferer, except Dad was not ectobiologically created, and Hussie likes to extend these metaphors as far as they can go.
  • Probably not; he's actually not even genetically similar to Mr. Egbert and they're completely separate entities who just happen to be similar. Besides, he's not a player and the Sufferer was unique. Also Hussie probably isn't aware of The Fairly OddParents as he was already an adult during the timespan it aired.

All the exiles were implemented as solutions to the game, with failsafes against each other.
The white army was destined to lose, but the eight exiles were designed to be exploited by the players to win the game themselves. This doesn't include WK, who wasn't intended to survive, but does include SS, DD, CD and HB. The Warweary Villein worked too well, and would've made the game too easy by deposing the Black King before all prototypings were complete, if Jack Noir hadn't worked too well and made it near unbeatable by Queening himself. But the game hasn't been broken yet — the exiles can still foil each other, as intended. However, the involvement of Doc Scratch and the Horrorterrors were not intended, and can permanently break the game.
  • The Crew and the Exiles don't even know the other exists, nor should they. Doc and the Horrorterrors are also another faction in the game; Doc created the conditions necessary for the game to be played and the Horrorterrors are trying to make the session fail. However, the bits about Jack and WV are correct; Jack Noir's normal function in the game is a process that allows players to despose the Black Queen. Likewise, WV's normal role seems to be the same towards the Black King, but is much harder to fufill because the players reach Skaia fairly late in the game, by which point he's probably already dead. All in all this WMG makes no sense to me, it's comparing exiles across sessions which makes no sense. Spades Slick is not Bec Noir, and Bec Noir never gets exiled.
    • The Crew technically are Exiles of the trolls' session. None of them have to know about their analogues in other sessions to be programmed the same, thus comparisons between them are natural. What you're saying about JN and WV is already confirmed, but I'm further suggesting that the other Exiles may have their own but similar roles that circumstance simply didn't reveal in these sessions. But the WK and WQ were intended to be removed from play one way or another, which they have been, and won't have more than a peripheral support role.
    • Neither Doc nor the Horrorterrors were built into the game; in a sense Doc is a hacker who has a backdoor into the game because he influenced it's inception (being omniscient helps.) The Horrorterrors are also outside the game in the same way they're outside the universe; they've only become a faction by intruding on the game, probably because their space provides the network for the client/server loops and interdimensional communication to be possible.
      • The Horrorterrors are the faction that controls Derse. Think of it like this, in a chess game, the King and Queen aren't the players, they're just pieces. In Sburb, Skaia plays Prospit and the Elder Gods play Derse. Every session is a bargain between them and the cycle of destruction and renewal of universes. Doc creates the circumstances necessary for the game to be played and thus his own creation; Bec may have done something similar by leading Harley to the ruins. At any rate, they are part of the game.
      • That Doc is created in the game that he created could just as easily be a side effect of entering the game; everyone who plays will be paradoxically created within it. And the Horrorterrors don't seem to have any interest in ruling Derse, though they can exert influence that natives and dreamers may take or leave, but it's not nearly a compulsion. Only when their own were being slain did they care to communicate with someone they hoped could save them, and then they incidentally became an unignorable factions in the game. But they aren't within it and aren't a design element of it. Both Doc and the Horrorterrors are hackers who have insinuated themselves for their own purposes.
  • Using the term 'Exile' was meant to be a convenience rather than a confusion, so let me clarify them: SS, DD, CD, HB, WV, PM, AR of either session. If you can think of a better term to define this grouping, please tell.
    • Back to the original idea, I think that at least AR and PM are not very important, AR especially. They may have had some function in game, but it's impossible to say for certain. PM and AR in the kids actual session did very little (although we have yet to see how PM gets exiled) and it seems to me to be a safe bet that they were simply generic NPC's that got caught up in the game. Secondly, there's nothing to say that WQ and WK are useless because they were fated to die; in fact WQ is by far the most useful exile shown yet, aside from Snowman. The Derse agents, certainly are part of the game. WV as well, but again, it doesn't seem like AR and PM had any normal function. Mail simply happened to be a facet of the kid's session, while it wasn't part of the Trolls (for instance, even Tavros's land doesn't seem to have the obsession with mail in the same way). PM and AR in that sense might be "unique" NPCs which possibly are generated seperately, similarly to how every land shown is unique. PM may have for instance been part of John's journey across Lo Wa S in a normal session.
      • After Cascade, you may want to look over the unimportance of PM again.
      • The discussion wasn't about PM after exiling but PM in the game. The thing is WV is in every session, and is a backdoor way to defeat the Black King, whereas PM has only been seen in one session and was a simple mail lady before the unusual circumstances of the Kid's session propelled her into becoming what she is now.
      • Where is it ever said that WV is in every session? I don't recall seeing it anywhere in canon, unless it's a Formspring.
      • It was a Formspring answer.
    • Eventually shown in Act 6 is that AR is merely another type of pawn. PM is likely similar. With that in mind, it seems conclusive that the Agents of Derse and WV are in every session and may be failsafes against each other, but PM and AR are not, and simply happened to be exiles in the Kid's session.

WV is the ultimate Big Bad in Act 6
With the Scratch and the kids fleeing the wreckage of their universe, Exile Town and the other four Exiles will die. WV is the only one with a chance of surviving, and he pursues them into their new session. Unlike Jack, he isn't depowered by the destruction of the Green Sun because he still has the Uranium in his belly, so he'll go on an entirely justified attack on the Kids and Trolls.
  • Jossed on multiple levels, but PM may continue some of that.
    • The Big Bad of Act 6 is the Condesce. Though PM may attack the Kids, it's unlikely at this point.

Lord English's peg leg will be an Achilles' Heel in the Final Battle.
The leg stump is visibly bleeding, so Lord English may not be so invincible after all.
  • Jossed. Hussie has said his one weakness is apparently Doc Scratch's gun.

When uuUU changes personalities, their skin changes color.
Calliope and uu appear to share a body, but they have different blood colors. This suggests that when they switch, their body's blood changes color from lime green to red. Trolls' gray skin completely conceals their blood colors, but cherubs may be different, especially since Calliope has lime green blood and dark green skin. Furthermore, uu's picture seems to depict him with gray skin and red cheeks.
  • Jossed. uu has the same green tone as Calliope.

Cherubim don't have eyelids.
So far, Calliope's eyes seem to be fully open all of the time, even when her expression changes. And I can't even picture any eyelids that could fit over Lord English's billiard ball eyes. Plus, the lack of eyelids seems appropriate for a skull face. Chalk up yet another reason it sucks to be Calliope — that must sting.

the huge object in Jake's inventory is The Tumor, a planet, the battlefield, or possibly The Green Sun.
All huge objects.
  • How about Lord English's sarcophagus?
    • The Cairo Overcoat/sarcophagus shouldn't be that large.
  • The other fourth wall, the one Jade and John are supposed to arrive through. Remember how Jade's grew to RIDICULOUS size and got a battleship shot through it? And how UU said Jake's job was simply to "pave the way for the arrival of gods"?
    • Close. The other fourth wall was inside the tower.
  • The battle ship that Grandpa Harley had.
  • The central tower to his home, which is missing. Note in Seer: Descend there was talk of adding orbs to a ring, but was dismissive. Jade's home looked a lot like the dream towers. The right prototyping and you could end up with a prototyping tower. Considering you can get a Matriorb from an oil covered fedora this isn't so much of a stretch. Jade's home that is missing in the Alpha Session, but clearly existed since Jake's "home" is a broken off spire from said house.
    • Void Sessions cannot prototype, the Seer: Descend comment was a mere reference to the Troll session, and the tower was destroyed by explosion.
    • The orb of the tower was the object in question, however, making this Confirmed.
  • The Battlefield is Jossed; the Alpha Battlefield was destroyed and Jade still has the tiny Beta Battlefield.
  • Jossed. It's the lab that used to be at the top of his house.

The Dead Pisces Troll (Meenah) was the Token Evil Teammate of Pre-Scratch Alternia's Session...
...And Post-Scratch Alternia only has a caste system because she switched with Feferi.
  • Keeping in mind, of course, that the Pre-Scratch session failed because the trolls were a peaceful species and that Alternia was a utopia. Meanwhile all we've seen of the Pisces troll is that she's Ax-Crazy...
    • Is she really axe crazy though? Sure, she attacks Roxy, but she's portrayed along the lines of a 90s era mosh-punk, and she didn't exactly try too hard to hold her once Roxy fought back. Maybe her surprise attack was just her way of saying "hello".
      • ...When was the last time you introduced yourself to someone by pulling a weapon on them? At any rate, she's confirmed to have violent intentions against Roxy, saying she wanted kill her "for the halibut".
  • And that Feferi was far too peaceful and friendly on Post-Scratch Alternia, even willing to abolish the caste system entirely- the two of them must have been switched before departing!
    • For what its worth, Equius says that the higher you go on the hemospectrum, the more naturally bloodthirsty and violent you are prone to be. Perhaps it was a lot harder to know how to express yourself in pre-Scratch Alternia, but the Condesence and those who share her blood color were just the grand high sociopaths of that era.
  • Was thought to be confirmed untill 9/24/12 with the reveal of Kurloz Makara.
    • More generally, Aranea was right: Meenah turns out to be a pretty cool chick when you get to know her (to the point she's actually trying to raise an army to fight the Big Bad), especially compared to quite a few of her teammates; even Kankri comes off as less sympathetic than her. And Damara may well be an even better candidate for token evilness, though admittedly Meenah had something to do with that.

One of the kid's planets will be the Land of Curtains and Clockwork.
Lord English was floating through a space in Caliborn: Enter that was full of the same curtain/clock mechanisms that begin and end each act, so it's likely that one of the lands will be this.
  • This is highly unlikely, but this troper thinks that maybe uu's Land would be that.
  • Jossed in fact; we know the initials for all the lands and none of them line up with Lo Ca C.
    • Could it not be under a different name, such as the Land of Gears and Drapery?
      • None of the kid's land names line up with that either... (and I doubt it's Caliborn's either, as that was flashing multiple colors.)
      • Perhaps it is what Hussie's world was?

Jane and Jake's Sprites will be Poppop Crocker and Grandma English, respectively.
They seem to be dead, and Sprites attract the dead and doomed. Plus, it seemed like Jade's Sprite was supposed to be Grandpa Harley, but since the universe had cancer, Bec got prototyped instead to create Bec Noir. Grandpa Harley not becoming a Sprite will be one of the wrongs that is righted in the Alpha session.
  • Does Jake have Alpha!Jade's remnants lying around anywhere?
    • Not that we know of.
      • He has her ashes in an urn.
  • Tentatively Jossed. Poppop Crocker's remains are floating out in space around Earth after [S] Jane: Enter. Unless his severed arm is still lying around and is used, it's probably not going to happen at this point.
    • Post-Entry prototyping via a variety of means is still possible.
    • Given we haven't seen the arm since Jane captchalogued it, it is probably still in her Sylladex. And given Nanna's ashes were enough for John's sprite, Poppop's arm should be enough for Jane's.
    • But sadly, this one has been Jossed at Tavros and Vriska's great expense.
      • Though not completely yet. We still have yet to see Jake's sprite.
      • And Dirk or Roxy's sprite could full well be prototyped with Poppop's arm or body (considering that in the future he might have fallen back to earth).
      • With the beginning of Act 6 Act 5, Jake's sprite has been revealed to have been prototyped with the corpses of Eridan and Sollux. Considering Jane's Sprite was prototyped with Tavros and Vriska's corpses, it may well me that Roxy and Dirk's sprites will be prototyped with the four other post-scratch trolls corpses. My assumption is that that the other sprites will be Aradia-Feferi and Equius-Nepeta. Tavros and Vriska were matesprites, Eridan and Sollux were kismesiss, Nepeta and Equius were morails, and I believe Aradia and Feferi were part of a auspistice relationship with Sollux as the in between. It is most likely that Equius-Nepeta sprite would belong to Dirk (considering his similarities to Equius), and Aradia-Feferi sprite would belong to Roxy.

The Alphas are going to die doing things mirroring what the main cast had done in the past.
Jane had already died trying to get the game in the mail. If thisheadcanon is to be correct, R will make a walkthrough; however, Rose also mentioned that all the walkthroughs she had seen ended at the moment the meteors impacted their homes. Following this, R dies when she runs out of time on her cruxtruder. D will probably die falling off his building trying to retrieve his item, what with no Rocketboard to break his fall, or he gets impacted with the meteor if his brother didn't cut through it.
  • In this scenario, it's a possibility Jake's failure would be to not prototype his kernelsprite before entering, as Jade and John nearly failed to had Bec not intervened (albeit they might have succeeded without Vriska's interference, but I digress).
  • If the alpha session people all don't have cruxite items, the way Jane did, then Roxy couldn't have had an 'eggy lokin thign' or however it was misspelled. And it's looking like Roxy might not get a meteor either.
  • The first part is Jossed. Jane didn't actually die from the mailbox explosion.

Whatever the secret weapon that Vriska is trying to find really is, it's hidden in the Alpha kids' session.
Because, after all, X marks the spot.
  • Jossed.

Dirks sprite is a combination of Equius and Gamzee.
This assumes that Gamzee jumps into the sprite with/after Equius's body.
  • Pretty sure this isn't possible, since according to Hussie, after dickin' around in Jane's session, he enters Caliborn's somehow. The bullet-riddled Gamzee is the most recent iteration of him available.
  • Alternatively, he kills kanaya shortly after she kisses rose, and prototypes her, leaving only the trolls that correspond to the cardinal zodiac signs un-prototyped
  • Jossed. It's Equius and AR.

The Trickster Mode Alpha Kids will fight the God Tier Beta Kids at one point.
  • Probably Jossed.

Dirk is going to stop the Trickster madness.
Let's be real here, Dirk is not gonna have any of this, and his Flash Step abilities are gonna make it impossible for any of the Tricksters to get him. He'll probably either KO them or just go "fuck no" and stop it.
  • Unfortunately Jossed.

Dirk will do the Hearty Thing and let one of his split souls go Trickster.
If he can't escape them, he might as well pull a gambit to let them get what they want and still get out of the tight situation. He might then get ARquiussprite to try and find a way to stop them from spreading the mode any farther.
  • Jossed as far as we know.

Trickster Dirk is Camp Gay

If Dirk does go Trickster, he'll look SBAHJed.
He'll look poorly drawn with noodly limbs, have JPEG artifacts sticking out everywhere, and talk with excessive SBAHJ-style typos and in Comic Sans. There can be no finer way to express the utter craziness of Trickster Mode as far as it concerns him.
  • Sadly Jossed. It's not enough to change him that drasticly.

Gamzee will put an end to the Trickster madness
  • This is actually plausible. Consider what we know;
1. Gamzee HATES the Tricksters for some unknown reason(maybe because he didn't intend for it to happen and he thinks it might screw up Caliborn advancing in the game).

2. He's also murderously insane.

3. And on top of that, he's been seen in both sessions and is a clown, which could offer immunity to the Trickster Touch.

So with those in mind... It's possible that - BRAINSTORM - Gamzee will kill the Alpha kids and leave their bodies. Then the Beta kids will arrive, see the Alpha kid corpses, and put them on their Quest Beds, causing them to go God Tier.
  • Jossed.

Gamzee has manipulated things so he will go Trickster
This will lead to him becoming a bigger bad than Lord English, as foreshadowed by Tavros

The Condesce's request for Roxy...
... is to take Earth into the new universe the kids create, thereby saving it from destruction by Bec Noir's Red Miles. Roxy's power allows her to steal things from the Void for the benefit of others- meaning she can steal objects from other universes and sessions when she Ascends to God Tier, including whole planets.
  • Looking Jossed. The Condesce wants her to recreate the matriorb by stealing the nothingness from it.

Trickster Mode was actually a diabetes induced vision and/or hallucination.
When the two lollipops joined together and force Jane to lick it, two timelines were possibly created. What we saw with all the Trickster Mode comics was the timeline where Jane was actually effected enough to the point were the sugar high gave her reality warping God-tier type powers. The other, correct and unchanged, timeline was Jane merely having an extremely vivid vision of what was happening in the Trickster Mode timeline induced by a near fatal stroke from said sugar high. The latest comic (as of this post) is us, the reader, seeing the aftermath of Jane in the normal timeline after licking the lollipop, quite obviously shaken by what she just saw and the near fatal stroke she had from licking the combined Juju.
  • Jossed

John will come between HIC and the Alpha Derse Dreamers...with a twist.
John will appear between them, poised for attack. The Condesce will charge at him briefly, but then she'll get a better look at him—and see Poppop Crocker. She'll hesitate, giving John the perfect opportunity to blow her away with The Windy Thing.
  • Jossed. John wan't involved in that battle.

Trickster Mode is a different kind of God Tier
Jane unlocked Trickster Mode when Alchemizing Caliborn's and Calliope's Juju, and licking the combined form of them. A Trickster is a god that "breaks the rules of the gods or nature, sometimes maliciously (for example, Loki) but usually with ultimately positive effects (though the trickster's initial intentions may have been either positive or negative)"
  • Jossed. Trickster Mode is more like a Super Mode. Hussie comperes it to Mario's Super-star while the plot treats it more like a mind-altering drug.

In which we make wild guesses about their planet names
The opening flash of Act 6 Act 3 revealed the name of Jane's planet LOCAH and told us that the remaining three (in order of entry) are LOPAN, LOTAK, and LOMAX. If the usual "chain of entry" holds up, Dirk should own LOPAN. Since Jake is unconscious, that makes him likely to be the last player, giving Roxy LOTAK and him LOMAX. Jane's land shares the same consorts and "wind" association as John's land, so an elemental theme may be conserved. Alternately, there may be a burial chambers & noble gasses theme (especially as the four Alpha players are referred to as "nobles" in said flash. Jane:
  • Revealed to be the Land of Crypts and Helium.
  • Jossed names: Land of Gum and Shoes
Dirk's: (LOPAN)
  • Revealed to be Land of Pyramids and Neon, but it's Roxy's, not Dirk's.
  • Jossed names: Land of Hooves and Beats (doesn't fit any initials), Land of Pyres and Neon.
Roxy's: (LOTAK)
  • Revealed to be Land of Tombs and Krypton, but it's Dirk's, not Roxy's.
  • Jossed names: Land of Glass and Reflection (doesn't fit any initials).
Jake: (LOMAX)
  • Revealed to be Land of Mounds and Xenon (not Mausoleums).
  • Jossed names: Land of Demonsnote  and Skulls
The end of Act 6 Act 3 confirms the order as Dirk (via Sawtooth) -> Roxy (via Squarewave) -> Jake.

Vriska from the doomed timeline where she fought Jack Noir will appear in the Alpha Universe and prototype herself as a sprite
Jake's sprite, probably. She'll get to the Alpha Universe by following the light of the Green Sun, which probably could still be seen in her doomed timeline. It would be completely unexpected, and Vriska is the Parody Sue character, so of course she'd have to become part-Sprite to catch up with Jade.
  • Alternately, UU is the doomed timeline Vriska.
    • Or someone (John?) will prototype a sprite with Vriska's dead body. Preferably after the new kids enter the game, unless he wants the enemies they face in the Medium to have all the levels. All of them.
      • Probably Jake, considering the bit of forshadowing with "You have a thing for sassy spider based girls that will probably never affect your life in any way, ever."...and he doesn't appear to have any dead relative remains with him...even if he did, it would be pretty awkward for there to be TWO Jades simultaneously...in fact, perhaps the alpha kids will ALL prototype something different...following up with other theories, if Jaspers does in fact become this timeline's first guardian, that would be suitable for mom, and make the endboss not incredibly easy to kill (considering Jade has all the powers of a god tier, a kernelsprite, AND a first guardian...), and bro might prototype his autoresponder...wait, perhaps the other thing Jake will prototype will be the fairybull he killed...(preentry, that one)...and perhaps Jane will finally get Dad prototyped?...(he was never ectobiologically created, but he appeared in both timelines, as a midpoint between Jane and John...he has to come in somewhere...)
      • Jossed as of what we know for several reasons. 1) Vriska from the doomed timeline is doomed, and even if she were to flee her session after defeating Jack, there's no indication she'd be able to find her way through the Furthest Ring to the Alpha Session, which is a difficult task even for Rose. 2) Vriska's body is on the Troll asteroid which is impossible for it to enter the session until at least Jane has entered, and there's many indications that John and Jade will reach the session prior to the others anyways. While a Tier 2 prototyping is possible though unlikely, a Tier 1 is impossible. 3) By that point, Vriska's body will have been decomposing for 3 years, so unless they cremate the Troll bodies, well that'd be kinda gross! 4) It has been suggested (via WV's need for the healings) that the Trolls may end up healed in some fashion anyways, or conversely, are all supposed to end up dead (via Mom Lalonde's book series). Looking at parallels, the most commonly suggested ideas for sprites are Poppop Crocker for Jane (Tier 1 unknown, but occasionally suggested to be PS-related shenanigans), the Auto Responder for Dirk (to parallel Davesprite), and either Grandma English or Jake himself for Jake.
      • Don't be so quick to call Jossed until all the prototypings are done, bro. (1) Time is meaningless in the Furthest Ring, (2) the Session clearly exists before Jane enters, and there's no guarantee that they'll do Tier 1 prototyping before entry, especially given the lack of prototyping towers, (3) Nanna's ASHES were good enough to get a full body, so a clean skeleton (or cremated body, post-"human corpse party") could be enough, and skeletal Vriska might even appeal to Jake's love of skulls, and (4) is essentially a meaningless statement.
      • Furthermore, it has been stated in the past that Sprites are drawn towards the doomed and dead. If a doomed, god-tiered, non-alpha-timeline Vriska jumped into the new Alpha session, then wouldn't that make her a prime candidate for sprite prototyping? And wouldn't her love of abusing game mechanics past the breaking point make such a move appealing to her?
      • Indirectly Jossed by another method anyways; the Alpha Session seemingly doesn't even have sprites, lacking prototyping towers and the Black Ring is orbless.
      • Pre-entry prototypings, anyway.
      • Confirmed by the most recent update. Well, sort of. Instead of Vriskasprite we now have... Tavrisprite.
      • Jossed in principle however, it was the Alpha Vriska.

Lord English is God-Tier Jake
  • With all the Lord English related stuff Jake has in his room (not to mention his name), it's almost unthinkable that he's not directly connected to Lord English in some way (though Hussie has been known to troll). If the Kid!Guardians play SBURB, and Jake ends up in a similar situation as Jade, it's not unthinkable that he will also attain a Green-Sun Empowered God Tier. Given the proper prototypings and/or situations, a God Tier Jake may well end up with a villainous bent, thus creating "Lord" Jake English.
    • Jossed. His name, and all the English-like stuff around, is simply his grandmother's way of needling the Condesce. Given the nature of time in Homestuck that's not in itself conclusive, but everything we know about Caliborn is.

The "secret weapon" is the Scratch of the cherubim session.
  • Jossed. The secret weapon is a boon of Yaldabaoth.

Some random, previously mentioned character will end up being a ???? of Doom for the Alpha Session.
Just some candidates: Fedora Freak, Uranian Umbra, Dave Sprite, Comb Titan (Fedora Freak's cousin/guardeeinthebetasession/guardianinthealphasession). Dave Sprite is from a doomed timeline, Uranian Umbra could easily cause some doom, if it's NOT Fedora Freak, he's doomed to obscurity, and Comb Titan would be doomed to nonexistence.
  • UU is in her own session, and the Alpha Session's mythology has heavily suggested there are only 8 players. Nothing to suggest otherwise has even been hinted at. Besides there are 4 elements not used in the Alpha Session, and Doom is merely one of them. No need for them to show up.
    • The Alpha session's mythology doesn't seem to account for the incoming trolls, only knowing that there will be 8 player planets.
  • All joking aside, Jossed.

Spades Slick (Troll session) and Bec Noir (after having his powers toned down from the current god mode) will eventually fuse in a single Noir (or at least join forces)
This Fusion!Noir will equip the Troll section ring to his left hand, and the kids ring on his right hand, having powers from both sections. This ensures the "last boss" to be beatable, but still tougher than previous Kids!Jack, who apparently struggled to be at the same level as Bro. Alternatively, the kids and the trolls will have to team up to defeat the two Jacks, or a fusion of both. What makes me think they'll fuse? Well, they seem like polar opposites; Bec Noir (with his sprite facing right) has a scar on his right eye (AFAIK it's deep enough to make that eye blind), and doesn't have a left arm, while Slick Noir (with his sprite facing right) doesn't have his left eye and his right arm. In any other comic I would disregard this as a coincidence, but on one so rooted on symbolism as Homestuck, it really strikes to me Hussie is turning them into two halves of a whole.
  • Carapaces are not mecha; there's no inclination that they can even "fuse" like this. Moreover, Bec Noir can seemingly only travel between sessions in the Medium, and not to actual universes like where Slick is. Also Troll ring was destroyed.
    • Wrong, in that after going into the trolls' session, he attacked Billious Slick, rewatch [S] Cascade, he clearly went down to post apocalyptic Earth to attack the kids' exiles...however, you are correct on the ring bit, in fact this might be why (i've speculated so myself) Doc Scratch told them it was imperative they destroy the ring (so Bec Noir didn't also get the powers of Cthulhu...)...but the carapace bit might also be wrong, in such a way that the first person might be wrong too, in that, spades slick originally lost the OTHER ARM AND EYE, but switched which ones were missing by flipping his sprite...(it was even a plot point), and also they are chess pieces, and the same person...plus a first guardian can do practically anything, which should include absorbing a copy of themselves from an alternate universe...(and Lord English made a felt doll cue ball thing transform...so...)
      • Spades Slick seems to be dead anyways. The absorption thing is still completely ridiculous and has never remotely even been suggested.
      • Reports of his death have been greatly exaggerated. And the only reason why it hasn't been suggested is because two alternate universe counterparts haven't met each other yet, usually because said counterparts are dead. Meanwhile, it would barely even register in my top ten most ridiculous things I've encountered in Homestuck...
      • Jossed - Bec Noir and Spades Slick never meet. The closest we get is Jack English getting Spades Slick - but the two of them are more interested in killing each other.

As the Page of Hope, Jake will help Kanaya recover the Matriorb.
Since Pages assist people, the Page of Hope's job may be to return hope to those who have lost it. Kanaya, being the victim of a Hopesplosion, sure could use some right now.
  • Jane's hat can be alchemized using a recipe that requires a Matriorb, as her fetch modus already showed us. John has already demonstrated that it's possible to reverse alchemize components from objects (like he made the clean poster out of a poster with clown scribbles). And all THEY have to do is have someone with sufficient hacking skills (Alpha Mom) to deduce the code of the Matriorb from the hat's code, and have someone with a sufficiently high level (like let's say a God Tier player) collect enough grist (like the loot dropped by a denizen) to alchemize one. Seems to be a very logical line of thought.
    • Why not Alpha Bro?
    • No need for all of that. Kanaya implies that she already has the captcha code for it. She just says that the grist cost was astronomical.
      • So perhaps there's a way to just revert the hat into the components used to make it in that recipe?
      • There is: there's that device that Jane own that takes a captchalouge card and boondollars and uses them to make Grist.
    • The Condesce asked Roxy to recreate it with her Void powers.
  • Jossed. Roxy recreates the Matriorb with no involvement from Jake.

Spades Slick will become completely robotic, turning him into Robo-Hussie
As the story progresses, Spades Slick has gained more and more prosthetic parts, so it stands to reason that he will become a full-out robot at some point. Andrew Hussie was seen nursing him back to health after an unspecified injury, without any obvious motive. He must secretly be planning to turn Slick into his robot doppelganger.
  • Perhaps he had a premonition of his own death at the end of A 6 I 2.
  • Note that Hussie was represented by a robot doppelganger in A 6 I 1.
    • Jossed - He is killed off thanks to Dave.

The Cherub's session is the Alpha Kids session
There are two unused noble elements, leaving room for Calliope to a member of a Land of ____ and Argon and Caliborn room to be a Land of ____ and Radon. (I've chosen that pairing since radon is the second leading cause of lung cancer and is radioactive, while argon comes from the Greek word from "inactive".)
  • Considering that each of the Alphas' lands also involve some form of burial site, here are some possible full names;
    • Calliope: Land of Mausoleums and Argon
    • Caliborn: Land of Graves and Radon
  • Jossed. The Cherubs are in their own session, Caliborn is the only player, and his land has a different name.

Everyone who died during "[S] Game Over" will end up in Calliope and Jade's dream bubble
And this isn't counting the ones who can still potentially be saved by John's paradox powers. Things that may occur from this:
  • Jane will go back to normal.
  • Jake and Jane will both meet Calliope.
  • Dave, Karkat and Kanaya will be filled in as to what's going on and Jade will try to show them her fantrolls (which may either offend or flatter Karkat and/or Kanaya a little).
  • Calliope will have a fangasm over meeting real trolls.
  • Gamzee will remember Calliope and suddenly feel placated in her presence.
  • They'll all start planning something.
    • A further, tear jerker addition to this theory. Though they will stick around for the grand finale and help out, they will not be brought back from the dead. They will repopulate their species and create new worlds for them, but John, Dirk, Roxy and Rose will be the last humans, and Terezi the last troll.
  • Jossed. Only Jane joins Calliope and Jade in the dream bubble before John resets the timeline, and both Jade and Jane are from the post-reset timeline, so never actually died.

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