Films watched: Last Clear Chance (short) and Radar Secret ServiceDr. Forrester makes much of Radar Secret Service containing "Hypno-Helio-Static-Stasis" — which basically translates into lots of padding and boring, identical men in boring, identical suits.
- Mike performs some routine maintenance on Crow, but things go awry when he triggers an Arnold Horshack mechanism.
- Mike has tied various articles of clothing to make a Bedsheet Ladder back down to Earth, which Crow objects to when his Underroos are involved. Dr. Forrester has Frank give a presentation on Hypno-Helio-Static-Stasis, which contains X-4.
- State trooper Tom has words of advice to share about how dangerous sandwiches, lint traps and hot plates can be. Train engineer Crow wants to know why won't anyone look.
- To help stave off the Hypno-Helio-Static-Stasis, the 'Bots host the Class of '83 reunion and role-play Mike's old school buddies. It's rather awkward, but their hearts were in the right place.
- Mike and Crow run a project idea by Servo: the Quinn Martin nature preserve, where old character actors can roam free in their own habitat. Tom believes that the symptoms are just getting worse.
- Mike and the 'Bots have produced a cure for Hypno-Helio-Static-Stasis: Ecstatoeuphorofun, with patented Hinder 90! It turns B movies into "yippie" movies! Dr. Forrester tries to explain his failure to Frank, who can only laugh from all the butt references, infecting Dr. F with the same giddiness.
The Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of Radar Secret Service includes examples of:
- Bedsheet Ladder: Mike attempts to escape by fashioning one of these (long enough to reach from the SOL to Earth) from the Bots' unmentionables.Gypsy: (gasping) MY BRA!
- Berserk Button:
- Don't screw with Crow's underoos.
- At the end of the experiment, TV's Frank looks like he's about to push Dr. F's Berserk Button big time... then the bad Doctor gets the joke, and The Mads walk off into background, chuckling away, with Dr. Forrester pressing the button as he goes.
- Continuity Nod:
- Among the items Mike confiscates for his Bedsheet Ladder are Crow's sensible brown pants.
- While describing Hypno-Helio-Static-Statis, the Mads mention "rock climbing" and "deep hurting".
- A subversion when Forrester threatens Mike by asking him if he remembers "Rock Climbing" and "Deep Hurting". Joel was on the S.O.L., not Mike, for those experiments.
- "But there was no monster."
- "Noooo waffles!"
- "Are you happy, in your work?"
- Herr Doktor: Frank as Dr. Felix Frankenkeister. Ya ya.
- Hurricane of Puns: When the film shows a back of a car.Mike: Hey, Freddy Fender!
Crow: Otto Preminger!Servo: James Carville!
Mike: Harrison Ford!
- Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping/Paper-Thin Disguise: TV's Frank—er, Dr. Felix Frankenkeister.
- Paper-Thin Disguise: Frank's obviously fake beard while explaining "Hypno Helio Static Stasis".
- Running Gag: "Why don't they look?"
- (whispered) Radar!
- With Lyrics: "(Bum) Oh, those Golden Grahams!"
- During the entire experiment, Mike and the 'Bots discuss Welcome Back, Kotter trivia. (And in the opening segment, Crow becomes Arnold Horshack.)
- Calling out advertising slogans for various round objects ("Round things; 90% off round things") when the Radar Secret Service's radar car is on screen.
- Jokes about how the various characters are indistinguishable from each other, leaving Mike and the Bots confused ("I thought that woman was supposed to be that woman!")Mike: (during brawl between cop and mobster) I'm dull!
Servo: No, I'm way duller!
Mike: Oh, okay — name my character!
Servo: Gee, um, duh — I can't!
Mike: See! See! Now, which one of us is the good guy?
Servo: I don't know, I don't know! Who am I?!?
- Sanity Slippage: Crow, big time. After Mike puts Crow's torn Underoos in his net, he starts chanting, "Panties! Panties!", then giggles like a little girl and coos, "I got 'em! Hee hee hee!"
- Seinfeldian Conversation: Due to the increasingly vast breadth of nothing happening on-screen, Mike, Tom and Crow all begin to chat with each other instead of cracking jokes — Kotter trivia is just the tip of the iceberg.
- Sick and Wrong: Gypsy comments, "This is wrong" while Mike applies underwear to Crow to keep him calm, as Crow giddily says, "Keep 'em coming!"
- Stock Footage:Mike: Duplicate shots, with radar. Yes, thanks to radar, we only needed to shoot three scenes!
- Suspiciously Specific Denial:Servo: MY PANTY HOSE! (beat) I mean, what are those?
- Unusual Euphemism: As mobster Moran's girl blows him off while Michael, the mastermind of the heist, promises to pick her up that evening,Crow:(as Michael) It's not the radar, it's the size of the amplitude — if you know what I mean.
- Use Your Head: Crow tries this on The Mads' button... and his right eye pops out for all his troubles.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: The fate of Sid Melton's character (if there was one) is not shown in the MST3K edit. Crow has his own theory:Crow: (As the gangsters load boxes of atomic material in a truck) Each box contains a piece of Sid Melton.
The Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of Last Clear Chance contains examples of:
- Ambiguously Gay:Mike: (as Alan) Hey, my Advocate is here!
- Berserk Button: Tom Servo (as Hal) has just about had enough of the stupid general public.
- Black Comedy:Crow: (as cop) Could you identify this bucketful of your brother?
- Car Fu:Servo: (as motorist who looks like Henry Kissinger) Ach, Mister President, please watch where you're going!Crow: Whoa, I almost ran over Kissinger! I'll have to go back.
- Celebrity Resemblance: Tom Servo notices that one driver looks like Elmer Fudd and sings, “Kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit, kill da waaaaabbit!”
- Comically Missing the Point:Trooper Hal: Maybe a man will do these things a hundred times in perfect safety.
Servo: So the odds are pretty good!
Trooper Hal: A parked car that suddenly pulls out without looking—it’s always sudden, of course, and always surprising.
Mike: But never dull.
- Cryptically Unhelpful Answer:Trooper Hal: Now where did that train come from?
Crow: The station?
- Despair Event Horizon: Mike and the Bots joke that the cop’s heavy-handed speech about fatal accidents drives the whole family to tears.Mike: Would you please, please, just leave?
- Distracted by the Sexy: "Forty percent of all accidents are caused by women's hinders." "Rrr!"
- Doom Magnet:Trooper Hal: 40% of all highway accidents involve a car that has already stopped.
Mike: Driven by this guy.
- Failed a Spot Check:[Footage of a train passing the camera]
Trooper Hal: It seems impossible that anyone could fail to see or hear a train in motion.
Servo: What train?
- HAHAHA–No:Frank, Jr: (joking) I surrender, Hal, I give up! What’s the charge?
Crow: (as Trooper Hal) Ha ha! Manslaughter.
- Hitler Cam: A very low-angle shot of a Washington DC police officer prompts Tom to call him “Garganto-cop”.
- If You Die, I Call Your Stuff: Just before the kid becomes street pizza, Servo calls out "Can I have your room?".
- Literal-Minded: Tom sees a railroad crossing “RR” sign, and reads it as “Rrrrrrrrr!”
- One-Hour Work Week:Crow: Doesn’t anybody do any chores on this farm?
- The Paranoiac: The trooper warns to always be aware at train crossings, and Tom decides to take it a few steps further.Servo: Don’t trust anyone! Turn your back on hope and love!
- Sanity SlippageTrooper Hal: DON'T tell me that you were speeding a LITTLE, only BREAKING the law a LITTLE...
Servo: Uh, oh...
Trooper Hal: ...only doing something a LITTLE bit wrong, save THAT for somebody else, BROTHER!
Crow: OH MY GOD, HE'S SNAPPED!
Trooper Hal: Because I've seen too many "litte bit" follies...
Servo: He's a bad cop on the loose!
- Shame If Something Happened:Mike: (as Mrs. Dixon) I thought we were all paid up.
Servo: (as Trooper Hal) Gonna need another fifty. Real shame if something happened to this land...
- “Bless this beautiful day...”
- “...then this train might come as a surprise to you.” “The Sooooooouuuuul Train!”
- “This is the prequel to In Cold Blood.”
- "It's Big Daddy's birthday! I've got life in me, Big Daddy!"
- Mike compares a street ablaze with neon signs to Pottersville.
- Spoof Aesop:Mike: Never let this happen to you. Don’t make the mistake these people made. Don’t die.
Mike: Never wave while driving.
Crow: Never look backwards while driving forwards.
Servo: Never, under any circumstances, drive with your butt cheeks.
- The Social Darwinist:Trooper Hal: Hard as it is to believe, there are many accidents where the driver ran past three warning signs, and straight into the side of a moving train.
Mike: Ahh, good riddance, I say.
Trooper Hal: But if you paid no attention to the signs, didn’t look, and didn’t listen...
Servo: Then you deserve to die.
- The Talk:Trooper Hal: I thought this would be a good time to come by and tell you a few of the facts of life about driving, before you get started.
Mike: You see, when a man loves a car very much, you recline the seat back...
- Too Dumb to Live: Frank and his girl looking backwards to wave at his brother as they approach a railroad crossing:Servo: "Hey, the cop never said anything about doing intensely stupid things!"
- The Untwist Crow: I have a feeling one of these characters is about to see their own intestines.
- Trivially Obvious:Trooper Hal: Most people who’ve lived through an accident involving a train, say—
Servo: “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!” That’s what they say.
- Values Dissonance: Invoked, as a montage of traffic signs leads the Bots to offer their own examples.Crow: "All Nude Girls".
Servo: "Whites Only".
- With Lyrics: Mike and the Bots sing along with the music from the end credits as they walk out of the theater.Mike: More death! People are dying every day...
Servo: They’re dead, they’re dead, they’re diddloodoo
dead, they’re dead, they’re dead, they’re doodloodeedoopdee dead!
Everyone: They’re dead, they’re dead, they’re dead...
- Women Drivers: When Hal warns about the dangers of distracted driving, using footage of a woman reading a map instead of paying attention to the road, Mike concludes that woman drivers are the real danger.
- Maid: Thank you!