Recap / Creepshow S 3 E 3 Skeletons In The Closet

Creep: Welcome back! I see you're looking for another spine-tingling story! I've got just the thing. This tale follows a man whose love of cinematic treasures turns sideways. Settle in for this bone-chilling adventure called...

Skeletons in the Closet

Directed By: Greg Nicotero
Written By: John Esposito

An animated intro features the Creep beneath the Hollywood Sign, digging up a grave. He pries open the coffin he unearths to reveal a skeleton. The skeleton comes alive and pops out of the coffin to observe the Creep as he laughs.

On Hollywood Boulevard, die-hard movie lover Lampini (Victor Rivera) has inherited a large collection of movie props accumulated by his late father. With the help of his assistant Burke (Lucas Godfrey) and his fellow movie-lover and girlfriend Danielle (Valerie LeBlanc), he has been preparing to open "Skeletons in the Closet", a museum where film-lovers from all corners of the world can gaze upon the various props in his collection. When Danielle spots a pair of teenagers messing with the Holy Grail, she angrily tells them to leave the exhibits alone, asking them if they would fondle The Mona Lisa if given the chance. Lampini moves in to dissuade the tension, launching into a heartfelt soliloquy about how props are hand-crafted by artisans, how they have heart and soul, and about how they never die, unlike movie stars themselves. After pointing out a couple of other famous props in the museum, such as Freddy Krueger's glove, the captain's chair of the USS Enterprise, and the corpse of Mother Bates, he hands the teens a pair of Golden Tickets, inviting them back for the grand unveiling of the museum's newest exhibit, obscured by a large velvet curtain.

Later that night, Lampini is outbid in an online auction for David Warner's severed head from The Omen (1976) by Bateman, his late father's nemesis, who was not only a rival prop collector, but fought over the man for the affection of Lampini's mother. Lampini reminisces that his parents met when they worked in the Magic Castle, his mom running the coat check and his father being a table magician. Lampini boasts that his father's magic was real, real enough to bring his props to life. When he sadly admits that he isn't in the same league as his old man, Danielle comforts Lampini by inviting him to "do it in the Captain's Chair", to which he eagerly accepts. The next day, Bateman himself (James Remar) enters the museum as it nears closing time, presenting himself as an ordinary customer. While glimpsing at the props within the museum, Bateman demonstrates his contempt at Dennis Hopper's screen-used chainsaw from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, boasting that he owns the chainsaw Gunnar Hansen used in the original film. Lampini attempts to one up his late father's rival by having Danielle show off the last surviving pair of bladed Rosa Klebb shoes from From Russia with Love that she's wearing, only for Bateman to admit that he owns the gyrocopter from You Only Live Twice, which still flies. Fed up, Lampini reveals Bateman's identity and asks him why he's arrived. In response, Bateman opens the curtains obscuring the museum's latest exhibit a day before its unveiling, revealing it to be a collection of actual human skeletons as they appeared onscreen (including a familiar face from the original film).

Captivated by the display, Bateman offers to purchase one of the skeletons. Lampini declines, stating that the props are his family and not for sale. In response, Bateman produces a folder full of photos and newspaper clippings, revealing that one of the skeletons, the basement zombie from Dawn of the Dead (1978), was given a proper burial in Pittsburgh. He also states that the grave was excavated and the remains stolen a few days ago, revealing that Lampini is the potential culprit. Bateman begins calling the police as Lampini pleads, prompting Bateman to blackmail him into giving him one of the skeletons in exchange for his protection, as well as Danielle's shoes. When Bateman's demands and abuse become too much, Danielle, in a bout of mindless fury, activates the shoes and delivers a roundhouse kick to Bateman's head, the shoe's blade slitting his throat in the process. As the duo panic, Lampini calms Danielle and assures her that she's not going to jail. He then orders her to grab the meat hooks from Night of the Living Dead (1968) and the boxcutter from Breaking Bad and meet him in the back room, ominously informing Bateman that he works for them and his father now.

Lampini and Danielle proceed to wheel Bateman's corpse to the back room, where they flay off his skin, submerge him in a vat of acid, and place his skeleton among the others in the collection. Recovering from the ordeal, Danielle questions her boyfriend about the accusations, hoping he didn't actually desecrate a person's grave. Lampini assures her that he didn't... but he also reveals that he hired Burke to do it for him. In response to her outrage, Lampini is quick to remind her that she is the one who killed Bateman, and why they now have to cut up a blood-stained carpet and move his car, and justifies his deed by claiming that the skeleton is from his favorite movie, and he "restored" it to its former glory. After some further prodding, Lampini reveals that another one of the skeletons in the collection is actually his father, who he claims wanted to be part of the collection as per his will. In response, Danielle harshly breaks up with Lampini and storms off to take a shower. As he goes off to take care of the remaining details, Lampini briefly notices Bateman's skeleton staring at him.

That night, Burke returns to the museum, carrying a load of boxes. Suddenly, Bateman's skeleton, which has become animate, grabs a Sentinel Sphere and throws it into Burke's head, killing him. Meanwhile, as Danielle showers, the reanimated skeleton viciously stabs her to death. Upon hearing his ex-girlfriend screaming and discovering the body, Bateman's skeleton begins hacking the bathroom door with an ax to get Lampini next. Lampini manages to smack it in the face with a nearby toilet tank lid and escapes to the entrance of the museum. When he discovers Burke's body, the skeleton attacks him again, prompting Lampini to hide. Bateman's skeleton then approaches the skeleton display, where it swipes the sword and shield from one of the other skeletons and corners Lampini. Lampini arms himself with a machete and attempts to fight off the skeleton, but he quickly loses his weapon. Suddenly, the skeleton of Lampini's father springs to life and arms itself with its own sword and shield. The two skeletons engage in a brief duel, which ends with Lampini's father decapitating Bateman, then climbing back into its display and assuming a victorious pose.

The next day, "Skeletons in the Closet" is packed with a plethora of eager patrons. The teenagers from the other day tour the skeleton display, noting one of them looks rather interesting. Lampini joins the teens to reveal the identity of this particular skeleton: Danielle, having been posed like the Mona Lisa. After reminding the teens that props are magic and never die, Danielle's skeleton comes to life and begins making out with Lampini, prompting the disgusted teens to make a hasty exit. Nearby, the Creep is seen posing next to the prop version of himself from the original movie, taking a selfie with himself.

This episode contains examples of:

• Asshole Victim: Bateman, even if he was right about Lampini having at least one grave dug up.
• Audience Surrogate: Lampini acts as a pastiche of Creepshow's typical viewers: hard-core horror/film lovers who have an encyclopedic knowledge of movie references. The fact that he embodies the typical fanboy so thoughtfully may even be why the universe decides to spare him, in spite of the fact that he was indirectly responsible for grave robbing.
• The Bad Guy Wins: Lampini ends the story with his museum being a huge success, after he was revealed to have orchestrated a grave-robbing racket.
• Bait-and-Switch: When Danielle asks Lampini if what Bateman said about him digging up the Dawn zombie's grave was true, he admits that he didn't really dig up the grave... he actually paid Burke to dig it up for him.
• Beard of Evil: Lampini, who hired his assistant to rob graves for him, has a very thick beard.
• Berserk Button: Danielle has three: being pushed, being insulted, and mistreating movie props. Bateman hurls several insults at her, shoves her, and threatens to use the Rosa Klebb shoes she was wearing as a cheese spreader when she tries to defend Lampini, after which she snaps and slits the guy's throat in a blind rage.
  • The third button is also pushed early in the episode, where she goes off on the teenagers fooling around with the Holy Grail.
  • Similarly, she and Lampini waste no opportunity to insult and/or ridicule any remake of a classic movie, especially horror films like Psycho and Dawn of the Dead.
• Big Damn Heroes: Lampini's father, who returns from the dead without any warning to save his son from being butchered by his long-time rival.
• Big Damn Kiss: Lampini ends the episode by making out with his reanimated, skeletal girlfriend.
• Bittersweet Ending: Lampini's girlfriend and assistant are viciously murdered, but Lampini has his museum become a smash hit. That, and he faces no consequences for hiring someone to dig up graves for him.
• Blackmail: Bateman threatens to report Lampini's grave-robbing to the cops if he doesn't get one of the skeletons from his father's collection.
• Bookends: The teenagers visit the museum in the beginning and end of the segment, where Lampini assures them that props never die.
• Brick Joke: Danielle asks the teenagers in the opening if they would fondle the Mona Lisa if they were given the chance. In the end, when Lampini has her skeleton put on display, she is posed and dressed as the Mona Lisa, and comes to life to make out with her still-living boyfriend.
• Call-Back:
  • Joe's triple feature poster from Model Kid is displayed on the wall of the museum.
  • The violin music heard when Bateman examines the severed head display is the same music that accompanied the gypsy from Shapeshifters Anonymous. The story's title can even be seen on one of the museum's placards.
  • Old Lady Spinster's ax from Dead and Breakfast can be seen hanging from one of the museum's walls.
• The Cameo: The Creep appears at the end, taking a selfie with his counterpart from the original film.
• Catchphrase: Lampini and Danielle both use "Spoiler Alert" as one from time to time.
• Crazy-Prepared: For whatever reason, the museum's backroom houses a lab table and a vat of acid, which Danielle and Lampini use to turn Bateman into a skeleton.
• Creepy High-Pitched Voice: Once it reanimates, Bateman's skeleton adopts a cackling, Skeletor-esque voice as it kills Burke and Daniel, then hunts down Lampini.
• Dead Guy on Display: The skeletons featured in numerous famous horror movies make up Lampini's museum's newest exhibit, including Lampini's father himself. Bateman is later turned into such a skeleton when he's accidentally killed.
• Death by Irony: Bateman's skeleton kills Burke by lobbing the Sentinel Sphere he was introduced unboxing into his head, and later kills Danielle by stabbing her in a scene straight out of Psycho, one of her favorite movies.
• Deliberately Monochrome: The episode turns black and white during Danielle's death scene, as it's an homage to Psycho.
• Dem Bones: The main threat of the episode is a murderous animate skeleton.
• Deus ex Machina: The skeleton of Lampini's Pop magically springs to life, without any warning, to save his son and defeat his nemesis once and for all.
• Disposing of a Body: Lampini and Danielle turn Bateman's corpse into a skeleton for the former's collection.
• Due to the Dead: Averted with Lampini, who had the skeletons of human donors buried after their use in movies, that of his own father, and his father's rival, shamelessly turned into museum exhibits.
• Everyone Has Standards: While Danielle is an avid lover of movies who tolerates her boyfriend's little quirks, she disgustedly dumps him when he's revealed to have paid Burke to dig up at least one grave so he could put the remains on display.
• Exact Words: Lampini confirms that he didn't defile the Dawn zombie's grave. He hired Burke to do it for him.
• Fanservice: As detailed both above and below, this episode goes all out with the movie references, to the point where story elements are actually ignored for the sake of gratuitous references.
• Foreshadowing: Lampini ominously glances at one of the skeletons when he tells the dead Bateman that he works for him and his father, hinting that the skeleton in question is his father.
  • Lampini's girlfriend Danielle is named after Danielle Harris, who will voice Marnie Wrightson in future episode The Things in Oakwood's Past.
• Geek Physiques: Lampini is a pudgy, ponytailed, neckbearded, quote-spouting nerd. As such, he doesn't have a lot of physical strength. He manages to use a machete to swordfight Bateman's skeleton, but he is very quickly disarmed.
• Give Geeks a Chance: Attractive Perky Goth Danielle is the girlfriend of the geeky and pudgy Lampini, and she generally supports his interests due to her being a fellow cinephile. She ends up dumping him after he shamelessly reveals that he hired Burke to rob at least one grave for him.
• Grave Robbing: Lampini is revealed to have paid Burke to dig up at least one body so he could pose it in his museum.
• Grey-and-Gray Morality: Bateman is a Smug Snake who resorts to blackmail and violence in an attempt to get whatever he wants, while Lampini paid his assistant to dig up skeletons to pose in his museum.
• Hate Sink: Bateman, being a Smug Snake who resorts to insults, blackmail, and physical violence to get what he wants, is clearly meant to be loathed. Despite this, he was completely right that Lampini was (indirectly) grave-robbing, and did have a valid reason to turn him in to the cops. What's more, since Lampini and Danielle (accidentally) kill him and turn him into a prop, it would make perfect sense that he would go after his killers when his skeleton reanimates.
• He's Dead, Jim: After witnessing Danielle mindlessly slit Bateman's throat, Lampini quotes the phrase.
• Hollywood Acid: Bateman's flesh is melted off after his body is dunked in a vat of the stuff.
• I Love the Dead: The end of the episode has Lampini bringing Danielle's skeleton to life so he can make out with it, nauseating the teenagers from the opening scene.
• Infodump: Lampini gives Danielle one where he explains how his parents met, as well as his father's feud with Bateman.
• It Runs in the Family: Danielle outright guesses that Lampini's Pop's magic runs in the family. As evidenced by the ending, she was totally right.
• It's All About Me: Lampini is egotistical and highly self-centered, treating everything he owns and the people around him as works of art for him to express pride in.
• Jerkass: While Bateman is an arrogant asshole who is willing to blackmail people to gain props for his collection, it's gradually revealed that Lampini is not that different from him (if not outright worse), since he was actively having graves desecrated for the sake of turning the corpses into museum exhibits. On top of that, he seems to treat nearly everyone, from his parents to his girlfriend, as works of art for him to express pride in instead of human beings with feelings and desires.
• Jerkass Has a Point: Despite how much of an arrogant and relentless Smug Snake he was, Bateman was right that Lampini was having graves desecrated for the sake of his movie obsession, so he did have a justifiable reason to turn him into the police.
  • Additionally, when Lampini admits that he did indeed hire Burke to dig up said graves, he reminds Danielle who it was that actually killed Bateman, and is the reason they had to hide his body and get rid of his car.
• Karma Houdini: Lampini gets off scot-free for orchestrating a grave-robbing racket. His assistant and girlfriend are murdered, but he doesn't really care about that.
• Love Triangle: Before they became rivaling prop collectors, Lampini tells Danielle that his Pop and Bateman fought over the affections of his mother, who was described as "uniquely beautiful".
• Manchild: Lampini is all but said to be one, fawning over his prop collection like they're mint-condition comic books, spouting an old movie quote every other line, and engaging in petty arguments with anyone who questions him like a spoiled brat.
• Meaningful Name:
  • Lampini shares his name with Professor Lampini from House of Frankenstein, who also had a collection of peculiar and otherwise morbid curiosities.
  • Danielle, who ends up killing Bateman, shares the name of Danielle Harris, known for playing serial killer Michael Meyers' niece in some of the later Halloween movies, and would even go on to voice Marnie Wrightson in The Things in Oakwood's Past, seven episodes later.
  • Burke, who is revealed to have been paid by Lampini to dig up graves, shares his with one half of Burke & Hare, a pair of grave robbers and serial killers who would sell corpses to medical schools.
  • Bateman gets his name from Patrick Bateman of American Psycho, which makes sense given that he's the antagonist of the story.
• The Movie Buff: Lampini, Danielle, and Bateman are all major cinephiles, displaying Randy Meeks-levels of knowledge regarding motion picture quotes and trivia throughout their dialogue.
• Mythology Gag: A movie-centric story like this obviously isn't going to end without paying tribute to the original film:
  • The prop of the original Creep is placed front and center in the skeleton display, in front of a background reminiscent of the outside of Billy's window. When Bateman locks eyes on him, he refers to him as "the original", and decides that he is the one that he's purchasing. In addition, the teenagers note that he's "not bad" compared to the other skeletons. At the very end, the series' incarnation of the Creep is seen taking a selfie with the prop, possibly the only time that both Creeps will be seen side by side.
  Bateman: (upon seeing the original Creep) It's great to see you again, old friend!
  • The film's theatrical poster is also seen hanging on the wall of the museum.
  • Nathan Grantham's corpse is also displayed among the props displayed in the museum.
  • The ashtray that was used to kill him makes its obligatory appearance as one of the museum's exhibits, complete with a placard detailing its origins.
  • James Remar, who plays Bateman, previously appeared in Tales from the Darkside: The Movie, which not only adapted a short story from Stephen King, but was also the movie that Tom Savini referred to as the unofficial "Creepshow 3".
  • Much like Mike the janitor, Burke ends up exclaiming "Fuck-a-diddle!" when he drops some boxes.
  • At the very start of the episode, the camera takes a look at George Romero's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
• Nightmare Fetishist: When it's revealed that he's actually a Villain Protagonist, Lampini is visibly turned on when Danielle reminds him that she killed his father's rival for him, even moving in to make out with her while the both of them are covered in said rival's blood and guts. He also showed no emotion while turning Bateman's body into his newest "prop".
• Off with His Head!: Bateman is killed once and for all when Lampini's father's skeleton slices his skull off.
• Perky Goth: Danielle, Lampini's girlfriend.
• P.O.V. Cam: A few scenes are shown from the perspective of Bateman's skeleton, accomplished by masking the camera with an overlay of a skull.
• "Psycho" Shower Murder Parody: Danielle's death is framed as a remake of the scene, complete with B/W cinematography, non-puncture stabbing, the original score, and her killer, Bateman's skeleton, having its hair resemble Mother Bates' wig.
• "Psycho" Strings: The original film's score is used during Danielle's death scene, given that it is an exact remake of the infamous shower scene.
• Real After All: Lampini tells Danielle that his father's magic was real enough to bring his props to life, and that he is nowhere in the same league. When his father's skeleton comes to life, it's revealed that he is indeed in the same league. He later uses his newfound power to bring Danielle's skeleton to life.
• Reference Overdosed: The entire episode is nothing but one movie-related Shout-Out after another. There is a plot that drives the story along, but it's commonly pushed aside to make way for more references.
• The Rival: Bateman was this to Lampini's Pop, fighting over him for both the acquisition of movie props as well as the affections of Lampini's mother. Ever since his father's death, Lampini tells Danielle that he "inherited the grudge."
• Roundhouse Kick: Danielle kills Bateman with one of these. She was wearing the bladed Rosa Klebb shoes from From Russia with Love at the time, and the blade ended up slitting his throat.
• Ship Tease: Burke flirts with Danielle while Lampini is "collating" in his "lab", offering to elope with her if Lampini ever drops dead.
• Shot-for-Shot Remake: Danielle's death is framed as one of the Psycho shower scene.
• Shout-Out: Sweet mother of Romero, where isn't there a shout-out in this episode? With its main characters being a pair of die-hard film-lovers who own and operate a museum of movie props, "Skeletons in the Closet" currently holds the record for the biggest amount of references crammed into a single segment, with a movie-related quote or object being spoken or displayed every few seconds. It even gets to a point where the references actually overshadow the plot.
  • Along with the numerous visible props, there's also the amount of stars, directors, and producers mentioned, such as Dennis Hopper, George Romero, Tom Savini, Bruce Campbell, Tobe Hooper, and Gunnar Hansen.
  • When inviting Lampini to "do it in the Captain's chair", Danielle imitates Sharon Stone's infamous leg cross.
  • Danielle also refers to her and Lampini as them being "two peas in a giant seed pod."
  • The vat of acid where Lampini and Danielle submerge Bateman's corpse happens to read "2-4-5 Trioxin", likely explaining why Bateman's skeleton came back to life.
  • Aside from the Creep, the rest of Lampini's skeleton collection can be pretty recognizable, as most of them come from Raiders of the Lost Ark, Poltergeist (1982), and Dawn of the Dead (1978).
    • In addition, the skeleton revealed to be Lampini's father, placed in a display for Army of Darkness, wields the sword and shield that the skeleton from The 7th Voyage of Sinbad did. As an added bonus, when the skeletons of Bateman and Lampini's father come to life, they are animated in stop-motion, and even engage in a Jason and the Argonauts-style duel when they finally meet each other.
  • To convince the jaded teens to come back on opening day, Lampini gives them a pair of custom-made Golden Tickets.
  • Many theatrical posters are hung on the walls of the museum, Creature from the Black Lagoon and Dawn of the Dead (1978) being the most visible.
  • Lampini is first introduced wearing a Day Of The Dead T-shirt. Likewise, Burke wears a Fiend Without a Face T-shirt.
  • After giving away the plot twist that Norman Bates became his own mother, Lampini assures Danielle that he didn't spoil the reveal because "Everybody's seen Psycho."
  Lampini: (to the teens) You two have seen Psycho?
  Teen #1: Vince Vaughn, yo.
  Danielle: Oh, Jesus. I just swallowed my own vomit.
  • As mentioned above, Danielle's death is a shot-for-shot remake of the shower scene from Psycho, complete with the original score and the episode turning B/W during the scene.
  • Immediately after said shower scene, Bateman's skeleton attempts to attack Lampini by hacking down the bathroom door with an ax, even peeking its head through the hole. Of course, it isn't able to yell a certain phrase Jack Nicholson yelled to complete the illusion, but it works well enough.
  • Danielle guesses that Lampini's father and Bateman fought over the flux capacitor before he reveals the truth about their rivalry.
  • Bateman ends up outbidding Lampini in an online auction for David Warner's decapitated head from The Omen (1976). Immediately afterwards, he refers to Bateman as his "Khan".
  • The walls of the museum are white splashed with red, the latter shaped into distinctive film-reference silhouettes, such as Carol Anne in her hands-on-TV pose.
  • Being the hard-core movie lovers they are, Lampini and Danielle's dialogue is loaded with old movie quotes:
  "What's in the box?!"
  "Hasta la vista, baby!"
  "You must choose, but choose wisely."
  "Ah, ah, ah!"
  "KHAAAAAAAAN!!"
  "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
  "Hooper drives the boat, chief."
  "Hello, gorgeous!"
  "He's dead, Jim."
  "This isn't a dream! This is really happening!"
  "Faster, pussycat!"
  "I'm melting! I'm melting!"
  "We all go a little mad sometimes."
• Skewed Priorities: As he reveals that Burke dug up the basement zombie's grave for him, Lampini isn't concerned with how this incriminates him and ruins his relationship with his girlfriend, but about how hiring Burke to do so cost him "a goddamn fortune in overtime."
• Slasher Smile: Lampini makes one in a comic interlude as he and Danielle go to work on Bateman's body.
• Smug Snake: Bateman. When presented with the props in Lampini's museum, he shows proof and boasts about owning rarer and more complex props.
• Stripped to the Bone: Bateman's corpse has its skin flayed off and its flesh melted in a vat of acid, turning it into another skeleton for Lampini's collection. Danielle's corpse later undergoes the same treatment.
• Take That!: Remakes of classic horror films, such as Psycho and Dawn of the Dead (1978), are mocked and rebuked by Lampini and Danielle.
  Danielle: Fast zombies suck!
• They Changed It, Now It Sucks!: In-Universe: Lampini and Danielle think very lowly of remakes of classic films, especially horror films.
• Unexpectedly Real Magic: Lampini's family's "magic" seems to be all hype and no action, but the end of the story has the magic suddenly activating to bring the skeleton of Lampini's Pop to life.
• Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Burke, who decided for whatever reason to snap a picture of the grave he just robbed, which ultimately landed in Bateman's ownership and thus gave him some blackmailing material.
• The Unreveal: The logistics of Lampini's family's "magic" aren't ever elaborated upon, probably for the sake of adding more gratuitous references.
• Villain Protagonist: After spending half of the episode parading his self-centered mindset and flaying/melting down the corpse of his late father's rival, Lampini finally becomes a true one when he reveals that he did indeed hire his assistant to steal the Dawn zombie from its grave.
• Would Hit a Girl: Bateman shoves Danielle when she attempts to stop him from harassing her boyfriend.

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