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Quotes: Viewersare Morons

Fiction

"You goin' over niggas' heads Lu (Dumb it down)
They tellin' me that they don't feel you (Dumb it down)
We ain't graduate from school nigga (Dumb it down)
Them big words ain't cool nigga (Dumb it down)
Yeah I heard Mean And Vicious nigga (Dumb it down)
Make a song for the bitches nigga (Dumb it down)
We don't care about the weather nigga (Dumb it down)
You'll sell more records if you (Dumb it down)"
Lupe Fiasco, Dumb it Down

“Give the People what they want
And they'll get what they deserve”

"I asked Mr Vann which O levels you need to write situation comedy for television. Mr Vann said you don't need qualifications at all, you just need to be a moron."
The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13¾

"Listen. The yucks who look at television don't know the difference between Ernest Hemingway and Huntz Hall. What do they care about important writers? What they want is shows where one guy kicks another guy in the belly while a dame leans over 'em with her cakes falling out of her negligee. Or domestic comedies where the whole family gets together to screw gruff old Dad. Or quiz shows where people get put in isolation booths and develop coronary occlusion before your very eyes ... Important writers! Remember when NBC tried to beef up their Sunday nights with important writers? Plays by Robert Sherwood—Thornton Wilder—Ferenc Molnar. Important enough for you? ... So what happened? I'll tell you what: forty million people nearly broke off their dials turning back to Ed Sullivan to watch a dog fart 'The Star-Spangled Banner!'"
Oscar Hoffa, Rally Round the Flag, Boys!

Russell: Kids can spot phonies, they're very smart.
Noah Vanderhoff: Kids know dick. I watch 'em in my arcades. They stand there like rats hittin' the feeder bar to get a food pellet. As long as they keep pumpin' in the quarters, who gives a shit, right?

"You people! If there isn't a movie about it, it's not worth knowing, is it?!"
Metatron, Dogma

God: You people! This isn't new stuff! It's written in books, scrolls, stone tablets! What do you want me to do, scribble it down on a bar napkin for you?
Bob: Would you? Because that would really help!

Don't theorize, accessorize!
From an early ad for Bratz dolls.

Fry: Married? Jenny can't get married.
Leela: Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected.
Fry: But that's not why people watch TV. Clever things make people feel stupid, and unexpected things make them feel scared.

Myra: Will people know who Rudyard Kipling is?
Sean/Beverly: Yes.
Myra: Are you sure?
Beverly: Do you know who he is?
Myra: ...The writer guy?
Beverly: There you go! See? People aren't as stupid as you might think!

"You kids don't know what you want! That's why you're still kids — 'cause you're stupid!"
The Simpsons, "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochy Show"

"Why are we even going after this idiot demographic?"

"Hello, I'm Miss Sensorshep, Head of Censorship! You see, the working theory is that most people are stupid, and therefore incapable of figuring out what's being covered up and bleeped, and therefore cannot be harmed by their evils!"

(Haruhi finds Renge crying)
Haruhi: Why are you crying?
Renge: Ouran: The Vaguely Abridged Series fans are idiots!
Haruhi: That's pretty much required for enjoying it, you know!
Ouran: The Vaguely Abridged Seriesnote 

"In any case, we felt *action* should be emphasized over *plot* — especially avoiding any complicated story line — to ensure the success of this series with its intended viewers."

"Gotta love April Fools Day. Not that that's going to stop any of you from e-mailing me about this comic thinking it's real."
Duke, regarding one strip of Ansem Retort

Real Life

"It is simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences."

"There's a sucker born every minute."
Not P.T. Barnum

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

"Yes, in those days plays were literally melo-dramas; dramas with musical accompaniment somewhat on the order of the Warner Bros. movie music of the day which drove Bette Davis wild... halfway up the stairs Bette stopped and turned to fix the director, Irving Rapper, with her famed steely gaze. ‘Now tell me, Irving, before I waste any more time on acting, who is going up these stairs to die, me or Max Steiner?' Like most of the great actresses she hated the schmaltzy movie music that was added later by some director-editor in order to nudge—shove—the audience into sobs or laughter."
Gore Vidal on the making of Dark Victory, Point to Point Navigation

"You know why my show is good? Because the network officials say you're not smart enough to get what I'm doing, and every day I fight for you. I tell them how smart you are. Turns out, I was wrong. You people are stupid."
Dave Chappelle after being drowned out at a stand-up show by the audience screaming "I'm Rick James, bitch!"

"People aren't as stupid as you think, they're even stupider."
Stig 'Stikkan' Anderson, Former manager of ABBA

"Their stupidity does not amaze me, its when they're smart that amazes me. It's baffling whenever you find someone who's smart; incredible. Soon you'll have zoos for such things."

"'Look at how much money these assholes pay me to lie to their face.' ...this is performance art. Well, and a con job. But rarely have I seen a Coulter column where she made so obvious her disdain, perhaps outright hate, for her audience and how stupid they are to buy her act. It’s like writing an article about Apocalypse Now where you routinely reference the dance numbers, just to see who is dumb enough to keep nodding along."
Amanda Marcotte on Ann Coulter

"The first clue is the hilarious profusion of clocks inside the TARDIS. Part of this is a matter of packing in the “he’s British!” signifiers, which, in American, means having him wear a frock coat and be old-fashioned, so lots of clocks and candles in the TARDIS. But it also is the most crassly literal-minded interpretation of 'Time Lord' imaginable. The Doctor has a TARDIS full of clocks to demonstrate that he’s a Time Lord, and for no other reason."

"Cut back to the (sigh) vampire chicks drinking it up and talking about how wonderful they all are... Buffy, just for fun, smacks Lana across the room and down the stairs, killing her. That's a KO. She comes back from the dead, of course, amazingly happy that she'll live forever. Such extrapolation, I mean, I'm serious. No one would have known vampires live forever without that extrapolating dialogue."
Neal Bailey on Smallville ("Thirst")

"Why do the writers feel the need to point out that this episode is about Neelix by him suddenly becoming flavour of the month in the pre credits sequence? Its like they don’t trust us to think that he is invaluable without showing us. Seriously, every bugger and his dog needs him for something in the opening five minutes! It would a far better jolt to the system had he fallen ill in the course of a normal episode. If you treat the audience like idiots you get an idiotic audience."
Doc Oho on Star Trek: Voyager, "Mortal Coil"

Director Stuart Baird: So Picard's clone is just like him, then?
Producer Rick Berman: Naw, that's been done too much.
Baird: So he's younger, then?
Berman: (barely awake) Yeah.
Baird: But he's got to be bald. Because if he's not bald, then the audience — even if we tell them — still won't understand the he's Picard's clone, 'cause Picard is the bald Captain. If he's not bald then no one will understand what happ—
Berman: OK, OK! He's bald.

"Universal was the studio that looked at the emerging sophisticated, high-end, hard-to-please movie geek audience and said, 'We want be in that business.' When everyone else was doubling-down on brand names and safe bets, they went for the high ground... And they paid for it. They paid for it big-time. And it's widely believed that Scott Pilgrim's disastrous box office performance was the final straw with investors. The symbolism hurt just as bad as the financial loss: Not only did the bold, risky project get crushed at the American box office, it got crushed by The Expendables, a cynical, pandering cash-grab that couldn't be a more generic-safe-bet-cookie-cutter-assembly-line blockbuster. After an experience like that, is it any wonder that any studio would suddenly reconsider betting on risky, "big idea" projects? But you know what did make a lot money for Universal, though? Fast & The Furious 4. Massive hit, great box office. So, guess what we got more of?"

Inexplicably, this movie performed well in Europe. Well, actually it can be explained. Europe got the original cut. American children, who movie studios traditionally believe are one step up the evolutionary ladder from drunken orangutans, were believed to be unable to handle this movie in its original format, so it was redubbed by American actors and fart jokes that weren't funny were added in. See, because in America, all anyone understands is farting and the nuanced humor of Larry The Cable Guy. It's why Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was renamed Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, because studios are convinced you're one retarded spasm away from flopping into a river and drowning because the mittens pinned to your coat caught on a log at all times.

"Our story begins in the near future of 2017, during the Second American Civil War, which we know because the producers are kind enough to give us an opening crawl... We’re also told that Steel Harbor is 'the last Free City,' whatever the hell that means. Incidentally, in case you wandered in late, Barb Wire herself will give us this exact same information after the opening sequence. Can’t decide whether to do a crawl or have your main character do a voiceover? Do both!"
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Barb Wire

"A handy subtitle tells us that this is 'Jamaica, Caribbean - 1668.' Wow. Gee, thanks. I would have never guessed which Jamaica this is without the clue. Being a pirate movie and all, maybe it's set in the Jamaica found in the Mediterranean or Jamaica, Sea of Japan. I'm just in a bad mood."

"There was a cynical chuckle I heard when Synecdoche, New York ended. A chuckle I am familiar with due to my frequent trips to the theaters. It was a chuckle as if to say 'What did I get into? Boy that Charlie Kaufman is a goofball! This movie was so terrible and confusing, I missed out on NASCAR and my Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs for this. You dragged me to see this art house crap? I never passed the third grade.'

Yup, that chuckle said all that."

"Good thing this can of spay paint turned into a 'Small Objects' when I picked it up. I'd hate to actually think for myself about whether a spray can of paint was small."
George Weidman on Rage

"When WOW players get together in large groups, it's called a raid. Because when you have no motor, people or communication skills, the best thing to do is glue yourself to 24 identical morons. Now that you have 25 mouths screaming different curses and 50 feet running in different directions, you have a perfect simulation of every birth defect and psychological disorder known to science, and are ready for a grand adventure."

Gabriel: Marketers are mostly idiots.
Yahtzee: Welllll... you say that, but people are also idiots, so marketers know what they're talking about. Send a thief to catch a thief.

"I found that the greatest danger was overthinking things. 'what is the most relevant fact?' the game might ask, listing everything we have established from blundering around the given scene. 'Hmm' thinks I, 'well, perhaps the fact that the victim was killed with their own gun, indicating that the perpetrator probably 'hadn’t premeditated the crime. That seems like the biggest lead at present. Was that what I was supposed to click on?'

*BUZZER*

No, lose a point...the most relevant fact in the murder case was the fact that '
somebody got murdered ', which I thought had only been put on the list for completeness’ sake! The game does shit like this quite a few times. Have you had any ambition to challenge us with actual deductive puzzles? Or are you just content to poke us every twenty minutes so we don’t fall asleep? "

"Remember how in Sons of Liberty Raiden was supposed to represent the player? It's no unforseen accident that he became unpopular. Kojima wanted to leave the series on a question mark, forcing players to examine and re-examine the game from every angle, until they found the deeper messages hidden between the lines. But, unfortunately for him, he overestimated the intelligence of his fanbase... This is where Raiden's transformation becomes iconic. Instead of listening to the advice of Snake, Raiden continued to allow his past to haunt him and determine his future. He didn't take a new name, start over, or see Rose for what she was. Likewise, players refused to give MGS2 a second chance and find the deeper meanings; in this sense, Raiden still represents the player... Seeing that his preaching was in vain, Kojima gave up on enlightening the players (like Snake gave up on Philanthropy,) and simply let Raiden become a badass killing machine with a big manly dick. Awesome!"

"The comic decides to inform us that a UFO stands for Unidentified Flying Object. And y'know, I do think they did need that, since the only people who would enjoy this comic have a brain about the size of a seamonkey."
Linkara, in his review of Adventures of the Kool-Aid Man #1

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