Quotes / Viewers Are Morons

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"It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker, you'll fall for this bullshit! Guaranteed!"

—Big Bill Hell's

Film – Live Action

Russell: Kids can spot phonies; they're very smart.
Noah Vanderhoff: Kids know dick. I watch 'em in my arcades. They stand there like rats hittin' the feeder bar to get a food pellet. As long as they keep pumpin' in the quarters, who gives a shit, right?

— Wayne's World

"You people! If there isn't a movie about it, it's not worth knowing, is it?!"

— Metatron, Dogma

Literature

"Important writers! Remember when NBC tried to beef up their Sunday nights with important writers? Plays by Robert Sherwood — Thornton Wilder — Ferenc Molnar. Important enough for you? ...So what happened? I'll tell you what: Forty million people nearly broke off their dials turning back to Ed Sullivan to watch a dog fart 'The Star-Spangled Banner!'"

— Oscar Hoffa, Rally Round the Flag, Boys!.

'I asked Mr. Vann which O levels you need to write situation comedy for television. Mr. Vann said you don't need qualifications at all, you just need to be a moron."

— The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13¾

Live-Action TV

Myra: Will people know who Rudyard Kipling is?
Sean & Beverly: Yes.
Myra: Are you sure?
Beverly: Do you know who he is?
Myra: The writer guy?
Beverly: There you go! See? People aren't as stupid as you might think!

— Episodes

"Why are we even going after this idiot demographic?"

— Arrested Development

Wayne Brady: Yea, the two revenuers from Verona approacheth!
[dead silence]
Wayne: Read a book, people!

— Whose Line Is It Anyway?, "Scenes from a Hat" suggestion "Outtakes from the Hillbilly Shakespeare Festival"

"Your opinions have been variously described as 'rabid', 'pig-ignorant' and 'stultifyingly ill-informed'. Thanks for those."

— Brass Eye

Music

You goin' over niggas' heads Lu (Dumb it down)
They tellin' me that they don't feel you (Dumb it down)
We ain't graduate from school nigga (Dumb it down)
Them big words ain't cool nigga (Dumb it down)
Yeah I heard Mean and Vicious nigga (Dumb it down)
Make a song for the bitches nigga (Dumb it down)
We don't care about the weather nigga (Dumb it down)
You'll sell more records if you (Dumb it down)''

— Lupe Fiasco, Dumb It Down.

Give the People what they want
And they'll get what they deserve

— The Kinks

Podcasts

Jay: There's this line from Yaphet Kotto where he says, "ASH WAS A GODDAMN ANDROID!" He says it offscreen; it's ADR'ed. And that's the studio saying, "We need to explain what this milk-man is. They're not gonna get that he's a robot."
Mike: They're gonna think he's just filled with cum.
Rich: "He's not an android, he was just very gay. Very, very gay."

— Half in the Bag riffs Alien (1979)

Video Games

"Hello,

With the rush of day operations, it's easy to lose focus and forget what the job is all about. As a reminder to all of you:

1) Minds and emotions can be influenced by the media.
a) A crowd has the mental age of a 5 year old child.
b) It is our mission to orient and guide the child to higher understanding.
c) That understanding must keep the right interest at heart.

2) Language and carefully chosen words are a form of influence.
a) Anyone can experience the world and express points of view.
b) Words are condensed ideas and the sole means for men to understand the world.
c) This is the power of Semiology and Rhetoric.

3) Control is in the delivery of information.
a) Knowledge is power.
b) Today, knowledge is based on information.
c) Controlling access and the flow of information is the key to power.
d) With this power comes responsibility.

A bit simplistic, I admit, but it gets the point across.

Émilie Masse
Division Supervisor
Picus Confidential"

— Émilie Masse, Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Web Animation

"I found that the greatest danger was overthinking things. 'what is the most relevant fact?' the game might ask, listing everything we have established from blundering around the given scene.

'Hmm' thinks I, 'well, perhaps the fact that the victim was killed with their own gun, indicating that the perpetrator probably hadn’t premeditated the crime. That seems like the biggest lead at present. Was that what I was supposed to click on?'"''

*BUZZER* "No, lose a point...the most relevant fact in the murder case was the fact that 'somebody got murdered', which I thought had only been put on the list for completeness’ sake! The game does shit like this quite a few times. Have you had any ambition to challenge us with actual deductive puzzles? Or are you just content to poke us every 20 minutes so we don’t fall asleep?"

— Zero Punctuation on Murdered: Soul Suspect

(Haruhi finds Renge crying)
Haruhi: Why are you crying?
Renge: Ouran: The Vaguely Abridged Series fans are idiots!
Haruhi: That's pretty much required for enjoying it, you know!

— Ouran: The Vaguely Abridged Series^note after fans praised/lamented the series' end after watching the second-to-last episode.

"...Wait, what even is evil? Oh no! We can't go there. Philosophy is the mortal enemy of shallow power fantasy and Wish-Fulfillment. If we start exploring the very concept of evil, we might accidentally make the audience think, and then they'll start having actual expectations for our story."

— Terrible Writing Advice — DARK LORDS

Web Original

The more substance and talking points you have in a show, the less attention you'll pay to the commercial break. Your mind would be too busy digesting and pondering the new information that was just received. U.S. media just can't have that. That would be a bullet in the heart of consumerism, capitalism, and the American Dream.

— Cody Wayne, "Interesting Motherfuckers: Bill Hicks"

The 'wealth gap' we often hear about is equaled by the 'intelligence gap' that is kept secret...Instead of creating better ads, you destroy the type of thinking that resists ads. Instead of creating superior products, you emotionally cripple people to the point where they feel secretly desperate to buy your product simply in order to feel normal and accepted by society.

— Terry Wolfe

"In any case, we felt *action* should be emphasized over *plot* — especially avoiding any complicated story line — to ensure the success of this series with its intended viewers."

— The Transformers series bible

Dane Cook: Why do they call bananas bananas? Shouldn't they be called FUNanas because they're fun and they're full of deliciousness? Isn't that like the point of eating a banana? Well that's why I eat a banana now STEP OFF!
Retarded audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! That Dane Cook.....

— Urban Dictionary

The first clue is the hilarious profusion of clocks inside the TARDIS. Part of this is a matter of packing in the 'he’s British!' signifiers, which, in American, means having him wear a frock coat and be old-fashioned, so lots of clocks and candles in the TARDIS. But it also is the most crassly literal-minded interpretation of 'Time Lord' imaginable. The Doctor has a TARDIS full of clocks to demonstrate that he’s a Time Lord, and for no other reason.

— Dr. El Sandifer, "The TV Movie"

Why do the writers feel the need to point out that this episode is about Neelix by him suddenly becoming flavour of the month in the pre-credits sequence? It's like they don’t trust us to think that he is invaluable without showing us. Seriously, every bugger and his dog needs him for something in the opening five minutes! It would a far better jolt to the system had he fallen ill in the course of a normal episode. If you treat the audience like idiots you get an idiotic audience.

— Joe Ford on Star Trek: Voyager, "Mortal Coil"

It's why Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was renamed Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, because studios are convinced you're one retarded spasm away from flopping into a river and drowning because the mittens pinned to your coat caught on a log at all times.

— Cracked, "6 Kid's Movies Clearly Made by People Who Hate Children"

Our story begins in the near future of 2017, during the Second American Civil War, which we know because the producers are kind enough to give us an opening crawl... We’re also told that Steel Harbor is 'the last Free City,' whatever the hell that means. Incidentally, in case you wandered in late, Barb Wire herself will give us this exact same information after the opening sequence. Can’t decide whether to do a crawl or have your main character do a voiceover? Do both!

— Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Barb Wire

A handy subtitle tells us that this is 'Jamaica, Caribbean — 1668.' Wow. Gee, thanks. I would have never guessed which Jamaica this is without the clue. Being a pirate movie and all, maybe it's set in the Jamaica found in the Mediterranean or Jamaica, Sea of Japan. I'm just in a bad mood.

— Noah Antwiler on Cutthroat Island

There was a cynical chuckle I heard when Synecdoche, New York ended. A chuckle I am familiar with due to my frequent trips to the theaters. It was a chuckle as if to say "What did I get into? Boy that Charlie Kaufman is a goofball! This movie was so terrible and confusing, I missed out on NASCAR and my Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs for this. You dragged me to see this art house crap? I never passed the third grade."

Yup, that chuckle said all that.

— Miles Antwiler

"Remember how in Sons of Liberty Raiden was supposed to represent the player? It's no unforseen accident that he became unpopular. Kojima wanted to leave the series on a question mark, forcing players to examine and re-examine the game from every angle, until they found the deeper messages hidden between the lines. But, unfortunately for him, he overestimated the intelligence of his fanbase... This is where Raiden's transformation becomes iconic. Instead of listening to the advice of Snake, Raiden continued to allow his past to haunt him and determine his future. He didn't take a new name, start over, or see Rose for what she was. Likewise, players refused to give MGS2 a second chance and find the deeper meanings; in this sense, Raiden still represents the player... Seeing that his preaching was in vain, Kojima gave up on enlightening the players (like Snake gave up on Philanthropy), and simply let Raiden become a badass killing machine with a big manly dick. Awesome!"

— "Metal Gear Soldout"

"The car now re-entered the main hall, but to Sarah’s surprise the decor had changed. Gone were the gothic furnishings of the haunted house, and in their place was a glitzy high school prom. Davina and Neve were nowhere to be seen, but standing in the centre of the stage were a young couple, smiling and waving ecstatically to the audience. The guy was sporting a flashy suit and an outdated perm, while the girl had straight sandy hair and a billowing white dress. “Carrie”, whispered Sarah to herself."

— Davina's House Party, Episode 2

"Also, if you are really afraid your audience is too dumb to know that a politician screwing the disabled is probably doing it economically—and not literally feeding them to wild animals—then go ahead label the wolves "economic adversity." But dear god, why do you have to label them "wolves"?"

— Cracked, "Political Cartoons: The Lowest Form of Communication"

Explain xkcd: It's 'cause you're dumb.

—tagline of the explain xkcd wiki

Brenna refused to believe it when I told her that the plot revolves around the Empress of Time, who lives on the Island of Time where the Sands (all together now) OF TIME were created. All the same, that's the kind of situation we're talking about. Jesus Christ, people. Just call the island fucking Chronos or something. Spell it with a K if you have to. I can figure out that there’s some kind of time thing going on.

—Penny Arcade, news post for "On Discomfort"

Web Video

"To court a casual audience is to lose a casual audience. Because casual audiences don't decide what to play, they are simply told what to play!"

— The Rageaholic

Director Stuart Baird: So Picard's clone is just like him, then?
Producer Rick Berman: Naw, that's been done too much.
Baird: So he's younger, then?
Berman: [barely awake] Yeah.
Baird: But he's got to be bald. Because if he's not bald, then the audience — even if we tell them — still won't understand the he's Picard's clone, 'cause Picard is the bald Captain. If he's not bald then no one will understand what happ—
Berman: OK, OK! He's bald.

— Harry S. Plinkett on Star Trek X: The Wrath of Shinzon

"Before seeing the movie, I put a question out on Twitter. It's like, 'If this movie flops, is it the end of this Dark Universe before it even gets going?' And multiple people were saying, 'It doesn't matter if it flops here, foreign market, foreign market, foreign release.' And so that idea of doing well overseas was in my brain while watching it, and it became more and more prevalent when the exposition was so on-the-nose and explaining what was happening and there's multiple flashbacks to a prologue just to keep reminding you exactly what's happening. And normally we say, 'Oh, this movie's made for dummies', but I think this movie's not made for dummies. I think this movie's made for people that don't speak English, and the foreign market is more important than making a decent movie."

— Jay Bauman on The Mummy (2017), Half in the Bag

"Good thing this can of spray paint turned into a 'Small Objects' when I picked it up. I'd hate to actually think for myself about whether a spray can of paint was small."

— George Weidman on Rage (2011)

Gabriel: Marketers are mostly idiots.
Yahtzee: Welllll... you say that, but people are also idiots, so marketers know what they're talking about. Send a thief to catch a thief.

— Let's Drown Out Ghostbusters (Sega Megadrive)

"The comic decides to inform us that a UFO stands for Unidentified Flying Object. And y'know, I do think they did need that, since the only people who would enjoy this comic have a brain about the size of a seamonkey."

— Linkara, in his review of Adventures of the Kool-Aid Man #1

"Now here is how the game works because my viewers have never played a video game before"

— Third Rate Gamer on Cool Spot

Jacob: So how is everyone enjoying the show?
Audience: (Rigorous applause)

Jacob: (Aside Glance) It's just that easy.

— Alpharad, "Copypasta Theatre"

Western Animation

God: You people! This isn't new stuff! It's written in books, scrolls, stone tablets! What do you want me to do, scribble it down on a bar napkin for you?
Bob: Would you? Because that would really help.

— God, the Devil and Bob

Don't theorize, accessorize!

— From an early ad for Bratz dolls.

Fry: Married? Jenny can't get married.
Leela: Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected.
Fry: But that's not why people watch TV. Clever things make people feel stupid, and unexpected things make them feel scared.

— Futurama, "When Aliens Attack"

You kids don't know what you want! That's why you're still kids — 'cause you're stupid!

— The Simpsons, "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochy Show"

Okay, we ran out of budget, but kids 6 to 10 will love it

— GlomTales theme, DuckTales (2017)

Real Life

It is simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences.

—Aristotle

"There's a sucker born every minute."

— Not P.T. Barnum

While you're playing cards with a regular guy or having a bite to eat with him, he seems a peaceable, good-humoured and not entirely dense person. But just begin a conversation with him about something inedible, politics or science, for instance, and he ends up in a deadend or starts in on such an obtuse and base philosophy that you can only wave your hand and leave.

— Anton Chekhov

All propaganda must be popular and its intellectual level must be adjusted to the most limited intelligence among those it is addressed to. Consequently, the greater the mass it is intended to reach, the lower its purely intellectual level will have to be. But if, as in propaganda for sticking out a war, the aim is to influence a whole people, we must avoid excessive intellectual demands on our public, and too much caution cannot be extended in this direction."

— Adolf Hitler telling it like it is, Mein Kampf

Trust me, this process is so simple you could break out the Crayolas and storyboard the whole thing yourself using nothing more complicated than stick figures and tracings of your own hand. Be warned, however, most studio execs don't have the attention span to follow the most energetic and entertaining of storyboard pitches for more than three minutes before they start checking their Blackberries for their lunch reservations. The good news is these story elements are so tried and true (translation: stale) that even the simplest of readers will get it and enthusiastically pass it along to their boss, who still won't read it but will take credit for all the amusing gags once he sees the completed picture.

—Writer Paul Dini, describing cliches of animated features (mostly referring to the early 90's Disney features)

Yes, in those days plays were literally melo-dramas; dramas with musical accompaniment somewhat on the order of the Warner Bros. movie music of the day which drove Bette Davis wild... halfway up the stairs Bette stopped and turned to fix the director, Irving Rapper, with her famed steely gaze. "Now tell me, Irving, before I waste any more time on acting, who is going up these stairs to die, me or Max Steiner?" Like most of the great actresses she hated the schmaltzy movie music that was added later by some director-editor in order to nudge — shove — the audience into sobs or laughter.

— Gore Vidal on the making of Dark Victory, Point to Point Navigation

Gotta love April Fools Day. Not that that's going to stop any of you from e-mailing me about this comic thinking it's real.

— Duke, regarding one strip of Ansem Retort

"You know why my show is good? Because the network officials say you're not smart enough to get what I'm doing, and every day I fight for you. I tell them how smart you are. Turns out, I was wrong. You people are stupid."

— Dave Chappelle after being drowned out at a stand-up show by the audience screaming "I'm Rick James, bitch!"

"People aren't as stupid as you think, they're even stupider."

— Stig "Stikkan" Anderson, former manager of ABBA

"Their stupidity does not amaze me, it's when they're smart that amazes me. It's baffling whenever you find someone who's smart; incredible. Soon you'll have zoos for such things."

— Frank Zappa, 1984 interview

"I've already got your money, dude."

— Charlie Sheen to a heckler, Torpedo of Truth comedy tour

"We had so many smart fans that bought into it hook, line and sinker...That's the beauty of it. Whenever anyone tells me they're a smart mark, I say, Yeah, but the key word there, still, is that you're a mark.

— Shane Douglas, Forever Hardcore: The Documentary

The main characters in Ready to Rumble, a mainstream movie about wrestlers that supposedly catered to wrestling fans, were portrayed as the dumbest human beings walking the planet. Advertisers shied away from buying time on wrestling shows because they believed wrestling fans were dumber and poorer than the average buyer"

— R. D. Reynolds and Bryan Alvarez, The Death of WCW

I write by the method created by those who sought the applause of commoners, since it is them who pay for these plays, it is fair to please them with foolish talk.

— Lope de Vega, Arte nuevo de hacer comedias

I was always told to write for the average reader in my newspaper life. The average reader, as they meant it, was some suburban white subscriber with two-point-whatever kids and three-point-whatever cars and a dog and a cat and lawn furniture. He knows nothing and he needs everything explained to him right away, so that exposition becomes this incredible, story-killing burden.

— David Simon

[T]here is no denying that if you think in terms of tired untutored minds with underdeveloped tastes needing an occasional escape through relaxation, you will have to admit that the best prescription is a well-mixed potpourri of popular entertainment. And that is exactly what is being contrived and will, I suspect, continue to be contrived for a long time yet.

—Satyajit Ray, on Bollywood

If somebody sends me a literate script do you know what I do with it? I throw it in the waste paper basket, that's what I do with it. It's no use making intelligent films. There aren't enough intelligent people to fill the cinemas.

—Irwin Allen

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