"You ever go into the bathroom and everything is WET? The floor is wet! The counters are wet! Everything's wet!"
"Uh... could it be because people piss on the floor and wash their hands aggressively?"Dane Cook (born in 1972 in Cambridge, Massachusetts) is a stand-up comedian and occasional actor. He is well-known for his stage persona, which he reportedly based upon his parents, and which involves a great deal of Cook babbling non-stop like he's constantly almost out of breath; for being one of the first stand-up comics to rise to fame by capitalizing upon the Internet, via MySpace; and for having a substantial, vocal Hate Dom among other stand-up comics and comedy writers.Cook has quite a few fans, particularly college students, and his comedy albums have all sold remarkably well, but his not being funny has achieved a memetic quality all its own. This includes an infamous rant by Dr. Cox on Scrubs.Notably, with the exception of Dan In Real Life, Cook's films tend to be received very poorly by movie critics. He also appeared as himself in a 2011 episode of "Louie," where he discussed a plagiarism controversy involving allegations that Cook stole bits from Louis CK.He's the Trope Namer for The Friend Nobody Likes, based off a memorable routine of his in which he discusses the trope in detail.
- Harmful if Swallowed (2003)
- Retaliation (2005)
- Rough Around the Edges (2007)
- Isolated Incident (2009)
- I Did My Best (greatest hits compilation; 2010)
- Dan in Real Life
- Employee of the Month
- Good Luck Chuck
- Guns, Girls & Gambling (basically As Himself if he were a vaguely corrupt sheriff)
- Mr. Brooks (where non-fans have the delight of seeing him killed with a shovel)
- My Best Friends Girl
- Mystery Men (during a Terrible Interviewees Montage as "The Waffler")
- Simon Sez (His feature debut)
Tropes applying to Dane Cook:
- Anachronic Order: "At the Wall", in which Dane tells the ending first, and then proceeds to tell the whole story. He even mentions Quentin Tarantino, a master of this trope.
- Because You Were Nice to Me: In his "Creepy Guy at Work" bit, he states that he'd probably give the guy a candy bar, so on the day when the creepy guy would finally snap and shoot up the office, this trope would be invoked.Dane!Creepy guy: (panting) Thanks for the candy.
- Bee Afraid: Defied. "Would You Rather?" starts with him making fun of people who die from bees, stating that he'd retaliate against this by punching every bee he encounters in the face.
- Black Comedy: Occasionally.
- Call Back: "The Chicken Sangwich The Heckler and The Kabbash" references "The BK Lounge" via its title, much to the audience's satisfaction.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Has a very hyperactive imagination, which can lead to some very strange tangents. For example, a story about Dane confronting an Atheist that sneezed on him takes a brief detour where Dane discusses lining up a Windex bottle properly.
- Epic Rocking: Has several tracks over 10 minutes long ("At the Wall", "The Chicken Sangwich The Heckler and The Kabbash", "Cheater 2.0", "Cinematic Adventures", "DJ Diddles") as well as some slightly below that ("B&E", "Truth About Lying", "I Did My Best", "The Atheist", "Bonus Track"). His longest track, "The Game of Love and How To Destroy It", is over 20 minutes long.
- Flipping the Bird: Discussed in "Fuk and the Finga".
- Friendly Tickle Torture: Discussed, saying that it "started fun, ended horribly" by turning into actual Tickle Torture.
- G-Rated Drug: "Hopped Up on the Q"note .
- Greatest Hits Album: I Did My Best.
- Large Ham: Dear god is it, since his jokes go into deep story telling and exaggerates a slew of this. Case and point: He made a joke talking about masturbation about him having sex wit a woman who turns into a dragon and then is taken away to a laboratory before ending that he's too busy imagining to even jerk off. Wot.
- Live Album: Rough Around the Edges: Live from Madison Square Garden.
- Memetic Hand Gesture: The "su-fi" (short for "super finger"), something of an "upgrade" from the regular middle finger gesture that includes both the middle and ring fingers. It has two different meanings.
- Most Wonderful Sound: One of his routines is about how much he loves the sound of car alarms, to the point that he wrote lyrics for them.
- Mushroom Samba: Snorting Nestle Quik powder would apparently give him "fucked-up dreams".
- No Indoor Voice: He once worked at Burger King, and hated people who would yell at the drive-thru for no reWHOPPER NO ONION! Though they were slightly better than people who talked too quiet to hear through the microphone.
- Paranoia Fuel: Lampshades this during his routine about breaking into somebody's house. He didn't steal anything, because he realized five minutes after kicking in their door that all he wanted to do was kick in their door. Later he wondered whether he'd unwittingly shattered the homeowner's psyche when they came home to find the door busted in but no apparent theft.
- Person as Verb: In "At the Wall", Dane does the act of "Tarantino-ing it" by telling the ending first and then going back to the start to tell the full story.
- Rapid-Fire Comedy: One of the key elements in Dane's style.
- Schmuck Bait: After telling the audience to always line up a Windex and never put it halfway, Dane lampshades that someone will probably try doing that when they get home. He then wonders what would happen if a ghost came out of the bottle.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: He once wanted to break into somebody's house at steal something. It was only after he'd kicked in the front door to a stranger's house (and an unlocked closet door) that he realized how bad an idea that was, and ran off.
- There Was a Door: His routine about Kool Aid Man's tendency to burst through walls.Fuck drinking out of him; if that was me, I'd be like, "No, no, no, you fix that wall before my dad gets home from work! He's gonna beat me with a belt; he's not gonna believe a talking bowl of fruit punch came in here." You stupid idiot. Yeah, coming through the wall is real fucking cool! Using the front door is cool!
- Who Names Their Kid "Dude"?: "My Son Optimus Prime", in which Dane says that he'd like to name his child "Brrrrr" (pronounced onomatopoeically, no less).