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Quotes: Viewers Are Goldfish
"We're in the boredom-killing business."
Howard Beale, Network

"What's that number again?"
— (Stock phrase of any radio commercial)

"In writing a screenplay for a movie, be sure to include plenty of action."
WRONG: To be, or not to be.
Dave Barry, "Grammar: De Letter of De Law"

"[A]s Andy Warhol so wisely observed, people will always prefer to look at something than nothing; between plain wall and flickering commercial, the eyes will have the second. As hearth and fire were once center to the home or lair so now the television set is the center of modern man's being, all points of the room converge upon its presence and the eyes watches even as the mind dozes, much as our ancestors narcotized themselves with fire."

"The continuity of the show is completely haphazard. Itís haphazard by design. Itís not like they are trying desperately to maintain continuity of the show. They donít care, and theyíll tell you flat out that they donít care. Well, that is misreading the core audience. The Star Trek hardcore audience loves are aiming towards the person that is grabbing a beer, and isnít really paying attention, and is walking out of the room every ten minutes and coming back and sitting down; all you are going to do is dumb down the show."

Spoony: What is that? The third gratuitous use of slo-mo so far?
Pat: My mind was having trouble registering that it was bullet shells being dropped out of that gun. I thought for a second that it might be Cadbury cream eggs.

Chris: Does Uwe Boll know the guy from Memento? Is that who he thinks his target audience is?
Matt': Maybe he just knows the effects of his movies.
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Bloodrayne

"The Little Mermaid could have been just another Disney fairy tale about a princess who wants "more" and searches for it down the pants of some dude she just met. The film's theme song, "Part of Your World," thankfully changed all that... Jeffrey Katzenberg, then chairman of Walt Disney Studios, didn't want the song to be a part of the movie's world because he thought kids would find it boring. He arrived at that conclusion after a kid in the test audience spilled his popcorn during the scene, which to Katzenberg meant that the sequence was so mind-numbingly dull, it actually caused the child's higher motor functions to commit suicide."

"You can't have a fucking screen in a modern game these days that isn't fucking busy with shit happening constantly, because you're fucking ADD little pieces of crap. Yes, I'm talking about you, Millennials."
Yahzee and Gabe Let's Play Flashback (2012)

"Johnny finally rides off, his horse going nuts because of some strange noise overhead, and dumping him by a plastic dragon, causing Johnny to have a flashback to a scene that, I'm not joking, was less than two minutes ago. I know you don't want your audience to forget things, but damn, give us some credit."

James Voysover: Coming up, in "The Gift Shop Sketch", part three...
Shopkeeper: How about this woolen dog?
James Voysover: The shopkeeper makes a suggestion.
Shopkeeper: How about this woolen dog?
James Voysover: But what will Brian's reaction be?
Brian: I'm looking for a gift for my aunt.
James Voysover: But what sort?
Shopkeeper: How about this woolen dog?
James Voysover: We already know the shopkeeper says that, but what does Brian, who's...
Brian: —looking for a gift for my aunt.
James Voysover: ...say before that?
Brian: Well, the sort of gift that if it were a quote, it would be apposite.
Shopkeeper: Hmm. How about this woolen dog?
James Voysover: Does the shopkeeper have a woolen dog? Will Brian like it? Find out in part four of "The Gift Shop Sketch"!

"Oh yeah, she has tuberculosis. Too bad the movie reminds us of that every time Satine does anything."

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