The Doctor: (to Secret Service agents) You think you can just shoot me?
River Song: They're Americans!
The Doctor: DON'T SHOOT ME, DEFINITELY DON'T SHOOT ME!
—Doctor Who, "The Impossible Astronaut"
"You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why!"
— Denis Leary, "Asshole"
Leela: Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world.
Fry: What do we care? We live in the United States.
Leela: The United States is part of the world.
Fry: Wow, I have been gone a long time.
Good morning USA:
I've got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day!
The sun in the sky has a smile on his face
And he's shining a salute to the American race.
Oh boy it's swell to say:
Good morning USA!
—Stan Smith, singing American Dad's theme song.
"Somewhere in communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard about America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy ... and tell him the awful TRUTH about this place!!"
—Calvin, Calvin And Hobbes
"This country wasn't built on moral fiber. This country was built on rape, slavery, murder, degradation and affiliation with crime."
"You aren't American! You don't even have a flag on your head!"
"Coca-Cola, sometimes war."
Calm-eyed he scoffs at Sword and Crown,
Or, panic-blinded, stabs and slays:
Blatant he bids the world bow down,
Or cringing begs a crust of praise;
— An American by Rudyard Kipling
Saki: Take it easy. We have a cop here, you know.
American Soldier: Oh yeah? Well, we have the fucking American constitution, bitch!
Saki: Well, then it's easy. (Draws guns and blows him away)
— Gun Crazy: A Woman From Nowhere
Stephen Fry What's the right word for someone who's from the USA?
Johnny Vegas Obese?
"How I love the life I lead
Cannot think and cannot read
Watch our values slip away
Play the game of USA!"
—Peter Schilling, "Let's Play USA"
We (the USA) are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra.
Skyscrapers bloom in America
Cadillacs zoom in America
Industry boom in America
Twelve to a room in America!
Now when we think of countries with political histories that make your brain hurt, what is the first one that comes to mind? ...aside from mine.
We're called "The Heartland", not very smart-land
IQ's are very low but threat levels are high.
I hate to generalize, but have you seen the thighs?
Most haven't seen their genitalia in a while.
" We're (Americans are) dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate — and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves ... because pussies are only an inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!"
—Gary, Team America World Police
Helga: Americans are great people!
Pöysti: Americans are idiots.
Routalempi: Yeah, that's so true.
Pöysti: Now, don't generalise, there are lots of smart people there too. (gets a flat stare from everybody) What?!
Ken: You from the States?
Jimmy: Yeah. Try not to hold it against me.
Ken: I'll try not to. Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.