Just For Fun: Rules Of Anime
"First rule of Naruto: You let your enemy finish their long monologue no matter how many flashbacks or conversations with themselves they have."
In case this site hasn't made it obvious already, there are a lot of Japanese Media Tropes
. It is common to joke in anime parodies
that these are the "Rules of Anime" that cannot be broken no matter how ridiculous. The joke is most often delivered this way: character "A" points out the stupidity of an event, and character "B" responds: "Anime Rule number "X"..."
See also The Universal Genre Savvy Guide
has a compiled list of these laws, complete with pseudoscientific names for them all
. Since most of these correspond to tropes on This Wiki
, the list is reproduced here for your convenience.
A longer list is available here
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification (First Law of Anime Acoustics)
- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust (First Law of Anime Motion)
- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility (Second Law of Anime Motion)
- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality
- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis
- It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
#11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility
- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission
- Everything explodes. Everything.
- First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
- Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
#13 - Law of Energetic Emission
- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#15 - Law of Inexhaustibility
- The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy
- No one ever runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency
- The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot increases. (Also known as the Storm Trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
- First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
- Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
- Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.
#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability
- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability
- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
- First Corollary (from Adam Barnes) - Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.
#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
- Tactical geniuses aren't....
#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
#24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism
- People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality
- Americans in anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
(from A. Hicks, Tom Williams, and Ben Leinweber)
#26 - Law of Feline Mutation
- The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
(from A. Hicks)
- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
#27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower
- Be female
- Possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
- Wear as little clothing as possible, if any
(from Tom Williams)
#28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
(from Tom Williams)
#29 - Law of Melee Luminescence
- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
(from Tom Williams)
#30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism
(from Tom Williams)
#31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability
- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#32 - Law of Follicular Permanence
- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics (First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics)
- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#34 - Law of Probable Attire
- Any shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
(from various sources)
#35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence
- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
#36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination
- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have never attempted these things before.
(from Daniel Mikula)
- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
- The Hero/Leader
- His Girlfriend
- His Best Friend/Rival
- A Hulking Brute
- A Dwarf/Kid
#37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
- Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
(from Jason Bustard)
#38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission
#39 - Law of Inverse Attraction
- All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
- First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
#40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination
- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.
(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)
#41 - Law of Xylolaceration
- When sexually aroused, males in anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of blood flow to that region.
(from Lyndon Harris)
#42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
(from Erin Alia)
#43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia
#44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation
(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)
#45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
- The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
(from R. A. Hubby)
#46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition
- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
(from Conrad Knauer)
#47 - Law of Early Blooming
- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
#48 - Law of Scars
- At least one female must have large breasts.
#49 - Law of Holy-Mother-How-Do-I-Pronounce-That?
- If a character has a scar, there will always be a long, usually angsty, emotional story behind it.
#50 - Law of Academic Seating Placement
- All rules of anime must have unnecessarily complex names that are impossible to pronounce.
- The main character in a Highschool MUST always at one point of another, sit in the third row window on the left side.
Some other frequent jokes on the "Rules of Anime" are:
#51 - Law of the only one needed
#52 - Law of Proportion between Supernaturality and Adolescence
- Only the main character can defeat the leader of the antagonists.
#53 - Law of Inverse Blusterality
- If you are older than 17 and nothing interesting ever happened to you, never had a not-girlfriend from space, never engaged in any kind of Ki based fight or generally just led a boring life until your 18's, you'll never meet that kind of opportunity again, since it is scientifically proven that all interesting stuff happens only to high-schoolers.
#54 - Law of Tangible Power
- In a duel or a competition between two characters, the amount of time each character spends boasting about his competence is actually inversely proportional to his actual competence in this particular duel. In other words, the person who brags less will win. Using body language or facial expressions to express smugness does not apply to law 53.
#103 - Law of H
#105 - Law of Amorous Tragedy
- If spiritual energy or some variant exists, the protagonist and/or the antagonist will have sufficient amounts of it so that it's presence can be felt.
#106 - Law of Superiority of Bladed Weapons
- In the beginning, if you find that you "Cannot Spit It Out", but throughout mutual trials and adventures you finally tell her how you feel, understand that she will eventually have to sacrifice her life because of some ancient rule or to fulfill some prophecy that is her birthright. Try as you might to talk her out of it, it will be pointless, as her entire being hinges on her suicide/heroic sacrifice. Or she could succumb to the mysterious illness that she eluded to when you first met her. Rest assured that the two of you will be parting soon after attempting to build a life together.
#107 - Law of Homoerotic Accidental Tendencies
- In any Shonen anime, characters who use swords will be able to fight either on par with or much better than an opponent with a gun. The reasons for such phenomena are: Cutting through bullets so well that the remnants either fly in different directions or lose almost all momentum, Martial arts that give the user superhuman abilities, or the gunman will either be a talentless mook, or someone who seems to only miss through bad luck.
#108 - Law of Fandom Subtext Perceptions
- At the very least, one pair of two same-sex characters will have an accident that places them in a seemingly-compromising position or get themselves in a situation where it can be misconstrued that the two are in a gay, and to a far, far lesser extent, lesbian relationship.
#109 - Law of Opposing Characters In Relation to Internet Rule 34
- At least one group of an anime's fans will see romantic subtext between two characters, no matter who they are or if the characters in question met or even know who the other one is. Actual canonical romantic subtext notwithstanding. Related to rule 109.
# 110 - Law of Proportionate Badass Entrances
- If any character has an opposing character, such as a rival or an arch-nemesis, with them both being almost exclusively two male characters, there is guaranteed to be fanart and fanfiction shipping the two together, regardless on whether or not the two characters like, dislike, or even flat-out hate each other. Exceptions cannot and will not exist.
- In a battle, the party with the most epic entrance, no matter how incompetent, is the most likely to win.