- Ava's entire dialogue during the quest "Animal Magnetism".
- In the 2012 Christmas event, when you give a stray dog a bath, "Monsieur Flea" shouts at you for "flooding his home with no warning" and swears that is not the last you've heard of him.
- And sure enough, when you give one of the strays a home, you can get him a flea circus. Guess who's in it?
- In "The Void Stares Back," while the player is busy controlling Void troops fighting Void Pest forces via magical communication orb a.k.a. Commorb (The player, and several Non Player Characters, are stuck behind rocks), Lord Daquarius, the leader of the Black Knights, laboriously mines the rocks to create an escape passage (gaining a level while doing so). After defeating the Pests, Savant (The Commorb contact), teleports the group out, with Daquarius screaming "WHAT!?!?" right before the teleportation. Also, he was mining with a bronze pickaxe.
- In "King of the Dwarves", you must get help from a troll warlord called Pretty Flower (trolls are named after the first thing they try to eat). Before he listens to what you have to say, you have to prove you are worthy. He tells you 'You must lift up Big Rock' so you go and lift the big rock near him, not an easy task. He says 'No, that not right! I tell you to lift up Big Rock!', and then the previously unnamed troll called Big Rock goes 'Me bet you not strong enough to lift me.'
- Pretty Flower is embarrassed by his name, and hopes that during the battle, his son will eat something with a more intimidating name. If you go back to the tunnels after the quest, Pretty Flower's son has indeed gained his name... Sparkly Crystal.
- In My Arm's Big Adventure, the drunken dwarf shows up while My Arm is farming. My Arm immediately punches him off the mountain. To add insult to injury, an unnamed troll child shows up and starts eating his leg, earning the moniker of Drunken Dwarf's Leg.
- Pirate quest series:
- From "A Clockwork Syringe": After your house is attacked by a pirate zombie robot (It Makes Sense in Context):
Estate Agent: Luckily for you, the standard player-owned house contents insurance policy was recently updated to include acts of zombio-mechanical piracy.
Is it that much of a widespread problem that the policy needs to include it?
Estate Agent: In all honesty, no. I never thought it would happen, so I put it in to make the list of covered circumstances seem more attractive. So I took a gamble and lost on that one.
- From "Rum Deal":
- The examine test of the evil spirit in question is "The pun was intended."
- Pirate Pete's highly melodramatic, over-the-top and uncorroborated sob story. And the player's deadpan response.
- Trying to set 50% Luke on fire would cause him to do a "500 hit combo" on the player.
: My world is an ocean of paaaain...
- The player intimidates a zombie with a tirade heavily impled to be obscene and violent, covered up with Relax-o-Vision.
We interrupt this insult to bring you this soothing picture of a kitten. Normal service will be resumed shortly. Thank you for your patience.
Player: ...and I'll grind up what's left, mix it with lemon juice and throw the whole lot into the ocean!
- In Thok's two Fremennik sagas, Thok, Master of Dungeoneering, displays what a huge badass he is. Some of his funnier moments include:
- Headbutting a spirit into submission.
- Commanding an empty soil patch to grow vegetables (and succeeding).
- Forcing a trapped puzzle to solve itself in a single move.
- Eating magical runes to bolster his own physical strength.
- Threatening an otherworldly creature into leaving his guard.
- Attempting to woo the Cute Monster Girl of his dreams.
- Killing 6 bosses in succession and delivering awesome Postmortem One Liners after he's finished.
- Also, most monster/item names are changed to what they appear as to Thok. (Silver curvy thing for a silver crescent key, sea meat for fish, Pretty Lass for the Divine Skinweaver you save, and so forth.)
- The ending to "Let Them Eat Pie", as well as the dialogue with a person who witnessed it, is too funny for words to describe. Let's just say it involves a pie.
- At one point, Ivy was glitched in that, rather than using a woodcutting hatchet in the player's inventory, the cutting animation played out using whatever item was equipped. This led to players chopping down ivy in ways such as punching it, hitting it with a pickaxe, and banging a salamander against the wall.◊
- With the Evolution of Combat, boxing gloves are classified as two-handed swords. Which means with them players could do Razor Wind with their hands or rupture the floor with a Ground Punch.
- There's one quest where you need to find a brain surgeon to fix a bunch of monks after their brains were swapped out for zombies (long story). After you find the doctor in question, get him to the monks, get the supplies, etc, etc, he finally starts the brain transplant. Before he starts, he asks your Player Character to record what he does, for posterity. The scene cuts away to a graphic of a cat playing with a ball of yarn. When the scene comes back...
Player Character: I DON'T WANT MY EYES ANYMORE! I think I'm going to vomit...
Dr. Fenkenstrain: If you do, do it in a bucket. This is a sterile environment after all.
Player Character: BUT IT FELL ON THE FLOOR!
- The Carnillean Rising quest is filled with these:
- Philipe snarking at the player for not testing the guards' patrol, saying that there's a glitch, and asking why he can't kill all the guards. These are probably take thats or shout outs to players complaining about glitches and not being able to kill everything. Also, when you hand the boy a dress as a disguise, he is told that his father wanted him to wear it, making him think that his parents wanted a daughter.
- The "guard"'s reaction to this makes it even funnier.
Claus the Chef: Heavens preserve us, it's the kid. In a dress.
Philipe Carnillean: Brave guard, you must be weary from your long vigil. Pray take your rest and sup with me awhile.
Claus: Do what with you awhile?
Philipe: Just take the drink!
Claus: The drink! Finally! Give it here, kid. *Takes drink and falls unconscious.*
- Philipe levels up (quite frequently, in fact) during his battle against the Cave Wolf Matriarch and gets a "Quest Complete" screen. Bottom of the rewards list? Some self-respect.
- If you aren't incredibly frustrated by One Small Favour, you're probably laughing your ass off.
- During the quest "Stolen Hearts", you need to sneak into Al-Kharid's palace through a series of roof-hopping parkour tricks reminiscent of Assassin's Creed, like climbing ladders in a showy fashion, hopping across support planks, and swinging across makeshift monkey bars. Eventually you come across an awning that you need to jump on, so that you can bounce up high and climb onto a platform some distance away. Examining the awning simply gives the one word description: "Really?"
- In the sequel quest, you get to jump from a building into a cart of hay. Of course, Ozan wants to go again. After the quest, you can get an achievement for doing exactly that.
- Later on, a sundial is missing a piece, and it turns out that Ozan was sitting on it.
- Right before that, the two of you sink into quicksand, with Ozan lampshading that quicksand doesn't work the way this batch does, and that it's not real quicksand.
- Also, the tunnel scene. Ozan steps in... something, grabs what he thinks is a torch but is actually part of the player, and keeps commenting on the smell and sounds in that area.
- Then there's this gem.
: Dung kalphites... Why did it have to be dung kalphites
- Likewise, the player keeps shushing Ozan when he tries to use a certain term for dung, and Ozan's reaction to it. The player's explanation for why they were shushing him doesn't make it any less funny.
- In "Some Like it Cold", one of the escape plans mentioned involves creating a second iceberg and moving all of the seals onto it. Even Teddy the polar bear cannot decide whether it is madness or genius. Other plans involve activating the nonexistent fire alarm, lassoing an albatross with underwear to hitch a ride, lying on their backs to spell HELP(won't work since penguins have white bellies), and launching out of the blowholes of killer whales. Also, Megapenguin.
- The bot and Botfinder General dialogue and voice acting in Botany Bay are hilarious.
- Bringing Home the Bacon. All of it. Special mention goes to the bit when you beat the hell out of a pickpocket and the scene cuts away to a pig and a kitten while the pickpocket screams in agony in the background
- All of Sliske in Missing, Presumed Death.
- The well-deserved Take That! to Kara-Meir's "stirring speech" against Brassica Prime and Marimbo prior to 2014's "Cabbage Facepunch Bonanza":
- Pretty much all of the dialogue was funny in some way or another. Poor Holstein, trying to have a serious debate. In a podcast released before the event, some Jagex mods were reading player questions. One question asked if anything in the event would be serious. Cue laughter all around.
- Yelps during the Mighty Falls. Turn on the sound so you can hear his voice, which is both annoying and endearing at the same time. This isn't quite so funny if you're the one playing the quest.
- During Fate of the Gods you can leave Freneskae and check in with Azzanadra and Sliske at the World Gate and update them on your progress. They also engage in some humorous banter, however this one line Sliske says to Azzanadra is definitely a Funny Moment:
Sliske: Big Boss to Bunny Ears, Big Boss to Bunny Ears. Come in, Bunny Ears.
Azzanadra: Do not mock my hat! It is a symbol of my position in the church!
- Sliske has several different lines of snark to mock the player if they return to the World Gate after dying in Freneskae. By the sixth attempt, he's lost count of how many times you've tried and died. By the eighth attempt and from then on, he gives up and just whines that you die so much, he's getting bored. He's a spot of black-hearted levity in a very serious quest, and the contrast just heightens the hilarity.
- In the Player Owned Ports minigame, there's a newbie adventurer NPC that asks you for advice on several things. You're given a range of options that vary from excellent to terrible. Much of the bad advice, and even more of the terrible advice is hilarious by nature of being complete violations of common sense. A comprehensive list of all questions that she asks, and all possible answers can be found here. A few choice examples:
Meg: Okay, so a friend of mine told me he's heard rumours of a powerful flail that was wielded by one of Saradomin's generals way back in the God Wars. I'm going to go and quest for it. Do you have any suggestions on where to start?
Player: Keep buying flails until you get the right one.
Meg: I was trying to disarm someone at range, but it's tricky. What do I do?
Meg: I want to cross terrain faster. What animals are safe to ride?
Player: Fire elementals.
Meg: So, I was planning on making a canoe and sailing to some of the wilder places downriver. Tell me, what's the best wood to use?
Player: Bloodwood trees. You can get to those, right? note
- Many of the Port Updates that happen while your ships are on voyages are worth a chuckle.
- The Rocking Out pirate quest is hilarious in several ways, but the icing on the cake comes at the end of the quest. During the quest, you're taking to a prison known as The Rock, and encounter a megalomaniacal custom's officer named Heavy Handed Harry, who is implied to be on some form of medication. This message plays when you complete it, with a picture of pirate kittens accompanying it:
Disclaimer: No member of the Customs and Excise office were seriously harmed during the making of this quest.* Support your local Customs Office! In the mean time, here are some kittens.
*Note: several members of the Rock Island Guard did develop severe stomach aches as a result of consuming the dubious fish stew Harry makes.
Most recovered using antipoison potions. The rest respawned in Lumbridge, feeling very confused.
Harry has since been banned from the mess, pending a fresh shipment of his medication.
A representative of the Cooking Guild is quoted as saying they are 'very relieved'.
A representative of the fish community declined to comment.
- Traiborn summoning the Thingummywut. It also doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome for Traiborn. what makes this funny? Before doing the Love Story quest, listen to what Traiborn says about Thingummywuts...then watch the cutscene. It is glorious. And really freaking huge.
- The Grim Reaper in the 2010 Halloween Event.
Player: "I could.. get you [Zabeth Corved the musician's] autograph?
- The Beneath Cursed Tides quest, which involves you going to the now-sunken Tutorial Island, is a mix of Funny, Awesome and Heartwarming, all in the form of a series of Mythology Gags. For instance:
- The survival instructor (who originally taught you how to fish and cook shrimp) will express disbelief at the fact that you cooked shrimp for the first time without burning it- on Tutorial Island originally, the game was programmed to have you burn the first shrimp you cooked. She'll only accept it after you intentionally overcook it.
- Since the water has impeded the forging process for the mining and smithing tutorial, the bronze dagger you make is classified as a Butter knife.
- Jagex may not have intended this, but when Vannaka explains his technique that allows him to wield a two-handed sword with one hand, he asks the World Guardian if they understand. They respond with "Yes Senpai" with a completely straight face.
- The Magic Instructor, Wizard Terrova, has clearly gone nutty in his sub-aquatic incarceration. The classic "kill a chicken to prove your magic prowess" challenge returns, except this time, the PC questions why the chickens deserve to be killed.
Wizard Terrova: The largest grain heist in known history was perpetrated by some of these birds. To this day we still don't know where they hid their bounty.
World Guardian:How are these chickens still alive underwater?
- During "Blood Runs Deep", a dagannoth army attacks Rellaka while you're on Lunar Isle. Baba Yaga announces that she knows a "trick" to get you back to Rellaka to help, and requests your Seal of Passage to enact it. When you hand it over, she banishes you— without the Seal of Passage, you no longer have permission to be on Lunar Isle.
- The former Last Rites prayer in the Saradomin god book, long since rewritten:
Thy cause was false, thy skills did lack.
- After the events of "While Guthix Sleeps", if you encounter Linza and talk to her, she'll marvel at the possibilities of actually smithing with dragon metal, instead of just reusing found pieces. Her first suggestion is a dragon cheese grater.
- An Aggression Potion causes all attackable Non Player Characters around you to attack you for 6 minutes. It's very useful for combat training or Slayer tasks, but what's really funny is running around places like Lumbridge and watching the Level 1-2 men, women, goblins, chickens, and cows attack you.
- Dissembling cabbages can earn you a unique "Brassican" component and perk for Invention, as part of Runescape's Running Gag about cabbages. The description for either is amusing, one for Breaking the Fourth Wall and one for being absurdist word salad (yet an accurate description).
- Near the end of "Sliske's Endgame", it is possible for the player character to have a Too Dumb to Live moment by insulting Jas. It doesn't end well.
Player: Shut it squidface, don't you tell me what to do.
Jas: Self destructive
Jas: Needlessly defiant
Jas: Mortal life is an aberration
Jas: It shall end
Player: Err...I guess an apology won't help?
- To add insult to injury, this counts as a regular death, meaning you will lose most of your carried items. It also means that Hardcore Ironman characters will be Killed Off for Real, though the game explicitly warns about this.
- That's not all - Jagex originally planned to implement an event that would be triggered when the first Hardcore Ironman character died this way. Said event would involve all players facing towards the Heart of Gielinor entrance and facepalming in unison, with a message that would say "You feel as though someone did something really dumb" appearing. Sadly, this event proved too technically complex to implement.
- During June 2016, some monumentally-bored players figured out the mechanics of abyssal demon teleports, and used this to lure one downstairs out of Slayer Tower, across the Salve, across Misthalin, across Asgarnia, across Kandarin, through Arrandar Pass, through the Tirannwn Forest, and all the way to the middle of Prifddinas, where it finally lost aggro and wandered around the central hub for eight minutes. Because they could.
- Ozan's examine text:
The brave and magnificent Ozan, who writes his own descriptions.
- If you're feeling a bit evil today, try using a hatchet on Quercus (an ent that can be found between a bridge in Edgeville and a western Grand Exchange wall).
Quercus: Is that supposed to be some sort of threat?
- How did Ozan infiltrate Menaphos' walls? According to him, it involved bribery, a wig and a pink skirt, as well as a snake charmer's flute.
Player: Oh, I didn't know you were musical.
Ozan: Sure, let's pretend I played it and not something else far more embarrassing.
- The tenth-anniversary Gower Quest is several dozen kinds of non-canonical. A large part of the quest takes place at the Behind the Scenes bar, where several NPCs in Runescape (and even you, the player character) have No Fourth Wall in full effect. For instance:
- Talking to Vorago will have him imitate Treebeard, and the player character will reveal that Mod Osbourne made them take out "all the explicit references to that film about the one ring.. you know?"
- Captain Haskell (an NPC formerly in charge of the daily challenge system) is said to "reek of beer, or sugary pop if you're playing in Portugese".
- As if Runescape didn't have enough Schizo Tech canonically, Beastmaster Durzag is listening to music on earbuds.
- The Chaos Elemental's real name is Steve, and he's a fan of Fashionscapenote and when he asks you what you think of it, your choices are:
Fashionscape is the best!
I love fashionscape!
- Part of the quest involves you getting romantic advice for Romeo... from the God Wars Dungeon bosses. Graardor is rather eloquently-spoken for being a follower of Bandos, Kree'ara encourages gambling, Zilyana gives you a corny pick-up line ("You must have come fresh off the spinning wheel, baby, because you can string my bow any day.") and K'ril Tsutsaroth encourages Romeo to put eyepatches over both eyes because it's all about looks more than anything.
- A door in the beta room talks about the "Acid" skill, scrapped due to the fact that the player base might get salty.note
- Another door warns that it's the "Lots of Blood Storage Room" in English. On the back of the note, in German, it warns that it's Marmelade Storage.
- The quest "One Piercing Note" involves a series of murders at an Abbey. It soon becomes apparent that one of the nuns is the culprit, and the player is asked to suggest a plan to smoke out the killer. You can choose to reply:
Player: I'll kill them all, and Saradomin can sort it out! *cue epic scolding by the Abbess*