Funny / Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

As a Funny Moments page, all spoilers are unmarked.

From the book

• Upon waking up at the start of the book with a vision and his scar hurting, Harry thinks of writing a letter to Dumbledore about this, and wonders how he should phrase his message:
  "Dear Professor Dumbledore,
  Sorry to bother you, but my scar hurt this morning.
  Yours sincerely, Harry Potter."
  Even inside his head, the words sounded stupid.
• Molly Weasley's letter to the Dursleys is absolutely smothered in stamps, "except for a square inch on the front, into which Mrs. Weasley had squeezed the Dursleys' address in minute writing". While Vernon isn't amused by the sight of it, the mailman apparently found Molly's over-stamped envelope to be hilarious.
• Harry asks Vernon if he can go to the Quidditch World Cup, which his uncle has to stop and think about. Harry suspects the holdup is due to two of Vernon's instincts being at an impasse with each other: his desire for Harry to not be happy and his hatred of having Harry around him.
• Uncle Vernon recalls Molly as a "dumpy woman with a lot of children". Harry thinks Vernon calling her "dumpy" is rather hypocritical, as his son Dudley is currently on a diet because he's "become wider than he was tall".
• While brief, the entirety of the Weasley's visit to Privet Drive is hilarious.
  • Arthur Weasley has the Dursleys' fireplace temporarily connected to the Floo Network so he can pick up Harry for the World Cup. The problem is that the fireplace is still bricked up from when Vernon was trying to keep the Hogwarts letters out in the first book, so Arthur, Ron, and the twins end up dog-piling into each other before Arthur resorts to just blasting their way out.
  • Arthur is cheerily oblivious to the Dursleys' hatred of anything even vaguely out of the ordinary as he tries to make polite small-talk with them and assuring them that he'll set everything back to the way it was after they blasted their way out of the fireplace. The narration notes that the Dursleys are looking at him like he's insane after explaining how he got there using lots of magic-related terms and mangling some Muggle ones as well.
  • Arthur casually mentions he has a large collection of batteries, likely assuming the Dursleys will find this impressive or that this will make him come off as "normal" and knowledgeable about Muggle things. Instead, this is just one more thing that makes the Dursleys think he's insane.
  • Fred and George seeing Dudley, and "breaking into identical evil grins".
  • Given that his first encounter with a wizard resulted in growing a pig's tail, Dudley spends most of the Weasleys' visit awkwardly groping his butt for protection.
  • Fred drops a bag of sweets as he's preparing to return to the Burrow and manages to get all but one, which Dudley naturally picks up and eats. The sweet is actually a Ton-Tongue Toffee, which makes Dudley's tongue grow to absurd lengths. It's heavily implied that Fred dropped the bag on purpose and all but stated that he deliberately left that one sweet on the floor. Poor Dudley.
• After getting to the Weasley's, Ron tells Harry not to ask Percy anything about work. It ends up coming up anyway, and Percy goes on about cauldron thickness like it's the most important thing in the world.
  • Later on at dinner, Percy drops a hint about a big event the Ministry is working on, which later turns out to be the Triwizard Tournament, clearly hoping to get his siblings to try to ask him about it. As Ron tells Harry, he's been doing it all summer and none of them have taken the bait because they assume the big event is probably "an exhibition for thick-bottomed cauldrons".
• Bill and Charlie are supposed to be getting the dinner tables set up. Instead, they make the tables fly around and crash into each other. Bill even knocks the leg off Charlie's and has to magic it back on.
  • Percy sticks his head out the window at one point and yells at them to keep it down.
• Moody Transfiguring Draco Malfoy into the Amazing Bouncing Ferret. "OH NO YOU DON'T, LADDIE!"
  • Professor McGonagall's reaction to it.
    "What — what are you doing?" said Professor McGonagall, her eyes following the bouncing ferret's progress through the air.
    "Teaching," said Moody.
    "Teach— Moody, is that a student?" shrieked Professor McGonagall, the books spilling out of her arms.
    "Yep," said Moody.
  • This is about the third time in the series that Professor McGonagall's dropped those books. The Gryffindor students seriously need to buy her a bookbag.
  • Jim Dale's performance in the US audiobook really sells the funny. His 'Yep' is so chipper and matter-of-fact you'd think McGonagall had asked him if he got a new haircut and Moody's happy she noticed.
  • As they all sit down for lunch, Ron tells Harry and Hermione not to talk to him while he fixes the incident in his memory forever. When Hermione starts talking about how Moody could have injured Malfoy, Ron angrily tells her she's ruining the best moment of his life.
  • Black Comedy ensues after it's revealed that Moody is actually Barty Crouch Jr. in Polyjuice, and he hates Death Eaters that walked free... such as Malfoy's dad. Makes you wonder if Barty Jr. was working out some issues with the Ferret stunt...
  • Later on in the lead up to the Yule Ball, Hermione dismisses another attempt by Ron to learn who she's going to the Ball with. Malfoy chimes in from behind them with one of his usual remarks about who'd go with "the long-molared Mudblood". Harry and Ron round on Malfoy at this, but Hermione waves at someone behind Malfoy and says "Hello, Professor Moody!". Malfoy jumps in horror and starts looking around for Moody, only to then see he's still at the staff table eating dinner, much to Harry, Ron and Hermione's amusement.
    Hermione: (scathingly) Twitchy little ferret, aren't you, Malfoy?
    • The fact that Malfoy is referencing Hermione's molars. Hermione's described as having buck teeth (up until she magically fixes them in this book) but buck-teeth typically refers to incisors. Either Malfoy got the word wrong because he didn't know the difference, purposely botched it for the alliteration, or he's really fixated on the contents of Hermione's mouth for some odd reason.
• Snape reading Rita Skeeter's article about Harry's love life aloud.
  Snape: "Harry Potter's Secret Heartache"... dear, dear Potter, what's ailing you now?
• Re: Arthur Weasley's eccentricities:
  Molly Weasley: Your father thinks very highly of Mad-Eye Moody.
  Fred Weasley: Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn't he? Birds of a feather.
• During the Quidditch World Cup, when the mascots are sent off, the Irish team's horde of leprechauns apparently make a very rude symbol, which is implied to be the middle finger, or rather its British equivalent, while they laugh at the Veelas.
• Divination homework constitutes doing a month's worth of self-predictions filled with every human misery possible. "You seem to be drowning twice." "Oh am I? ... I'd better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging hippogriff." Made even better by the fact that Professor Trelawney loves it. It's even more hilarious when almost all of his made-up predictions come true (in a matter of speaking) during the course of the book, such as nearly drowning twice.
• Harry opens the egg in the Gryffindor common room, and it emits a horrible screeching noise.
  George: I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing. Maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower.
  • If you believe this throwaway remark by George (which, granted, you probably shouldn't) straight-laced, by the book Percy Weasley has been caught at least once, singing at the top of his lungs in the freaking shower.
  • The icing on the cake is the fact that, of the three guesses (his, Seamus guessing a banshee, and Neville guessing the Cruciatus Curse), George’s was actually the closest guess, considering that it actually WAS underwater singing!
• Dumbledore meeting Rita Skeeter is exactly what you think it is, and he one-ups Skeeter. Don't believe us?
  Skeeter: How are you? I hope you saw my piece over the summer about the International Confederation of Wizards' Conference?
  Dumbledore: Enchantingly nasty. I particularly enjoyed your description of me as an obsolete dingbat.
• Harry and Dumbledore are trying to cheer up Hagrid after Skeeter outs him as half-giant:
  Harry: Really, you shouldn't worry about what that Skeeter cow- er, sorry Professor.
  Dumbledore: I have gone temporarily deaf and have no idea what you just said, Harry.
  Harry: Erm... right.
  • And soon after:
    Dumbledore: My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practicing inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I'm not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery…
  • Plus:
    Dumbledore: Really, Hagrid, if you are holding out for universal popularity, I'm afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time.
  • The fact that Hermione's greeted by Dumbledore at Hagrid's door after she pounded at it and demanded to be let in. Her reaction was priceless.
• The book starts off an important character-developing subplot for Hermione which resonates for the rest of the series; her well-intentioned but sadly misguided attempt to improve the welfare of elves. Unfortunately, her new organization gets off to a terrible start when she names it Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.
  Ron: And you think we want to walk around wearing badges saying "spew", do you?
  • The organization has a different funny name in each translated edition, and they either include offensive words or disgusting liquids. In the Hungarian edition, the acronym spells "monkey"; in French, it's "dirty"; in Italian, it's "die" (C.R.E.P.A); in Portuguese, it's "drool"; in Greek, it's "booger"; in Spanish and Swedish, it's "fart"; in Polish, it's "louse"; in Latvian and Croatian, it's "vomit" like in English… and in Dutch, it's "Stichting Huiself voor Inburgering en Tolerantie", ^translation"House-Elf Foundation for Civic Integration & Tolerance". Guess what its acronym is? It's pretty much a bad word in English, although it means "faeces" in Dutch.
  • Later on, when Hermione vows to find out how Rita's getting all her information…
    Ron: What's the betting she comes back with a box of I Hate Rita Skeeter badges?
• After Hermione finds out that Hogwarts: a History never mentions house-elves, she remarks: "A Revised History of Hogwarts would be a more accurate title. Or A Highly Biased and Selective History of Hogwarts, Which Glosses Over the Nastier Aspects of the School."
• At the Quidditch World Cup, the group runs into Archie, an old wizard attempting to pass for Muggle by wearing Muggle clothing… which, unfortunately, happens to be a nightgown.
  Ministry wizard: Muggle women wear them, Archie, not the men, they wear these.
  Archie: I'm not putting them on. I like a healthy breeze 'round my privates, thanks.
  • Absolutely hilarious as read by Stephen Fry in the audio books.
  • The humor is even more heightened when Hermione of all people promptly gets the giggles and has to leave the queue until Archie is gone.
  • Not to mention that he is the president of Fresh Air Refreshes Totally (a group of wizards opposing trousers).
• Really, many of the witches and wizards are terrible at dressing like muggles. Either their clothes just clash horribly, or they're wandering around in things like kilts and ponchos. No wonder the camp keepers are suspicious of all these oddly-dressed weirdos.
• When Harry meets Percy at the Yule Ball and Percy mentions how he's been promoted "as if he were announcing his election as supreme ruler of the universe". Earlier, the narrator mentions that Snape was as likely to just let his students relax during class (due to the Yule Ball approaching) as nominating Harry his only heir.
• After Fred mentions the Yule Ball:
  Ron: Who're you going with, then?
  Fred: Angelina.
  Ron: What? You've already asked her?
  Fred: Good point. (calling across the room) Oi! Angelina!
  Angelina: What?
  Fred: Want to come to the ball with me?
  Angelina: All right, then.
  Fred: (to Harry and Ron) There you go, piece of cake.
  • Especially funny compared to Harry's agony over asking Cho.
• Filch believes that he has finally caught Peeves stealing from a student, and would sure enough have him out of the castle when he presented Dumbledore with Harry's champion egg, which Harry had just dropped while getting stuck underneath the invisibility cloak. Unfortunately for Filch, Moody/Crouch Jr. arrives and takes it away.
  "No!" said Filch, clutching the egg as if it were his first-born son.
  • The whole scene is also fairly funny because Harry has his foot stuck in the trick stair, and is under the Invisibility Cloak to hide the fact that he'd been in the Prefect's Bathroom. When Crouch Jr. shows up, he spots Harry and does a Jaw Drop in astonishment.
  • Harry himself pauses to realize that, for him, the situation is incredibly tense, trapped with his leg down a stair, immobile under his invisibility cloak, with Filch and Snape (both of whom have grudges against him) arguing not far away, and Filch's cat seemingly looking directly at him through the cloak; but to Crouch Jr., it must look utterly ridiculous, with Harry caught with his leg in a trick stair.
  • "Pajama party, is it?"
  • Snape getting increasingly irritated by Filch's bumbling before he finally asks him to shut up.
• "[Harry, Ron, and Hermione] went into Gladrags Wizardwear to buy a present for Dobby, where they had fun selecting the most lurid socks they could find, including a pair patterned with flashing gold and silver stars, and another that screamed loudly when they became too smelly."
• On the first day at Hogwarts, Professor McGonagall slips on a wet floor (Peeves' work) and catches the nearest thing for balance, which happens to be Hermione's neck.
• The whole Blast-Ended Skrewts subplot, especially taking them for walks. When Hagrid orders the class to come in for extra lessons to observe them "with the air of Father Christmas pulling an extra large toy out of his sack", Malfoy tries to refuse.
  Malfoy: I will not. I see enough of these foul things during lessons, thanks.
  Hagrid: Yeh'll do wha' yer told, or I’ll be takin' a leaf outta Professor Moody's book. I hear yeh made a good ferret, Malfoy.
  • Remember when Hagrid cursed Dudley and gave him a pig's tail? Just imagine Malfoy in a half-human, half-ferret state (kinda like the half-feline Hermione). How embarrassing would that have been for him?
  • In a later lesson, Hagrid chastises Goyle for trying to pocket the Leprechaun gold, with Goyle sulkily tipping the coins out.
• Pigwidgeon, the hyperactive scop owl that Sirius bought for Ron to make up for losing Scabbers, features in a number of these, the most notable being when he tries to deliver a letter in the middle of the entrance hall. A bunch of girls coo over him, until Ron grabs him in his fist, which he then shakes at the girls as he tells them to beat it. Pigwidgeon is delighted the entire time.
• Professor Trelawney gives a long-winded speech about Harry's attributes that point to his birth date and guesses that he was born midwinter. Harry corrects her that he was born in July. Doubly funny given that as an international celebrity, Harry's birthday would be a matter of public knowledge.
  • Later, Trelawney repeatedly implies that Harry will die a sudden violent death. The first time, he just snaps that he's glad it won't be drawn out. The second time? Yawning as widely and obviously as he can.
    • Ironically, this year, Trelawney — though predicting a load of hogwash! — was incredibly close with the whole "death" business.
  • Fridge Brilliance after reading the seventh book: she was reading the soul fragment of Voldemort's that's inside Harry. Voldemort was born in midwinter.
• Divination is a treasure trove of these. When tasked to look up the position of the stars at the moment of their birth, we get this interaction with Harry and Ron.
  Harry: I've got two Neptunes here. That can't be right, can it?
  Ron: (imitating Trelawney's mystical speech) Ah, when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born, Harry…
  • Later in that class:
    Lavender Brown: Oh Professor, look! I think I've got an unaspected planet! Oooh, which one's that, Professor?
    Trelawney: It is Uranus, my dear.
    Ron: Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?
    Most unfortunately, Professor Trelawney heard him, and it was perhaps for that reason that she gave them so much homework.
  • Made even more Hilarious in Hindsight by their... erm... later interactions in book 6. It's not out of the realm of possibility that Lavender took this off-color joke from Ron as an awkward attempt at flirting^note and also not out of the realm of possibility that she wasn't completely off-base either, thereby setting off that whole subplot.
  • And like the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, this gets numerous alternative translations to preserve the joke in non-English languages.
• After the Quidditch World Cup is over, the Bulgarian Minister of Magic reveals that he can in fact speak English, and he was only pretending he couldn't because he found it hilarious to watch Fudge mime everything all day. Given what later occurs with Fudge, you can't really blame him…
• Frank Bryce thinking Voldemort and Wormtail are criminals/spies and the wizarding words they use are code. Imagine some guys in fedora hats with Chicago accents saying "Quidditch", "Muggles", and "Ministry of Magic" without skipping a beat.
• Moody putting students under the Imperius Curse during a DADA class:
  • Neville Longbottom performs a series of impressive gymnastics.
  • Dean Thomas has to hop around the room while singing "God Save the Queen"
  • Lavender Brown imitates a squirrel
  • Whatever he makes Ron do, it leaves him skipping on every alternate step even after the curse was lifted. Moody assures him that it'll wear off in a few hours.
• Barty Crouch Sr. calls Percy, who hero worships him, "Weatherby", much to everyone's amusement.
  Percy: It's classified information, until such time as the Ministry decides to release it. Mr. Crouch was quite right not to disclose it.
  Fred: Oh, shut up, Weatherby.
  • Percy just won't stop gushing about Mr. Crouch.
    Ron: They'll be announcing their engagement any day now.
  • It says something that even while under the Imperius Curse, Crouch Sr. seems to pick up on this. In chapter 17, he describes Percy as "very enthusiastic... a little over-enthusiastic, if truth be told..."
    • Just the fact that he keeps calling Percy "Weatherby," even while Imperiused.
• In the leadup to Christmas, due to there being guests at Hogwarts, the teachers go a bit overboard in decorating the castle, including bewitching the suits of armor to sing Christmas carols. The narrator notes that it's quite amusing to hear "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" sung by an empty helmet that only knows half the words. On more than one occasion, Filch has to fish Peeves out of the suits, as he takes to hiding in them and filling in the gaps in the song with his own lyrics (all of which are extremely rude).
• Dobby makes Harry a surprise visit on Christmas morning, and Harry's startled scream wakes up his four roommates. The only one who even bothers to react is Seamus, who "sleepily" asks, "Someone attacking you, Harry?" Because Harry Potter being attacked has become so commonplace around here, it's not worth batting an eye. Certainly not worth leaping out of bed like Christmas presents are in the next paragraph!
  • Then when Harry gives Dobby a pair of socks as a present, Dobby is confused by the fact the socks match and thinks Gladrags made a mistake.
    • Ron's response is funny enough ("Ah, no, Harry, how come you didn’t spot that!"), but then he gives Dobby a pair of his own socks so that he can mix them up 'correctly'.
  • The Dursleys' long-standing habit of sending Harry crappy Christmas presents reaches "an all-time low" in this book with their gift of a tissue.
    • They almost have to have been trolling Harry at this point. It cannot be cheap or easy for Muggles in Surrey to send a package to a wizard all the way up in the Scottish Highlands.
• Accio practice sees a Charms lesson devolve into minor chaos as students summon the wrong objects and/or banish objects flying in the wrong directions, often at dangerous speeds. Of particular note is Professor Flitwick whizzing past the Trio with a resigned look on his face. The fact that Flitwick is described having a "resigned look on his face" makes you wonder how many times this happened to him.
• Harry's first attempt to ask Cho to the ball leaves him Tongue-Tied: "Wangoballwime?"
  • Especially funny for anyone who's tried to ask someone out like this.
  • Harry does a very sudden 180 degree turn in his opinion of Cedric due to jealousy when he finds out that he is taking Cho to the ball.
    He had been starting to quite like Cedric - prepared to overlook the fact that he had once beaten him at Quidditch, and was handsome, and popular, and nearly everyone's favourite champion. Now he suddenly realised Cedric was in fact a useless pretty-boy who didn't have enough brains to fill an eggcup.
• Fleur tries to use her Veela charm to ask Cedric to the Yule Ball, only for Ron to get caught in the crossfire and he asks to go out with her. Fleur makes a disgusted face and when Ron snaps out of it, he just takes one look at her and runs away, horrified and embarrassed with so many people watching the spectacle.
• Viktor Krum's total inability to pronounce Hermione's name. First he calls her "Hermy-Own", then after she tries to explain it to him, the best he can do is "Herm-Own-Ninny". And then months later, he has somehow arrived at "Hermy-Own-Ninny".
  • Even more hilarious to Bulgarian readers because the worst mispronunciation possible would be something like "Herma-YANNI" due to a combination of transliteration (in Bulgarian, foreign names are transliterated by recording their pronunciation into Cyrillic) and Accent On The Wrong Syllable. Even funnier since the translator had thoughtfully added an accent to Hermione's name when it was first mentioned.
• During the Quidditch World Cup, the referee is distracted by the Veelas' charm, much to the amusement of Ludo Bagman and the spectators.
• Divination class and Harry and Ron are cracking each other up, so Trelawney decides to make yet another of her predictions of death…
  Trelawney: I would think that some of us might be a little less frivolous had they seen what I have seen during my crystal gazing last night. As I sat here, absorbed in my needlework, the urge to consult the orb overpowered me. I arose, I settled myself before it, and I gazed into its crystalline depths… and what do you think I saw gazing back at me?
  Ron: (muttered) An ugly old bat in outsized specs?
  Trelawney: Death, my dears.
  • This is immediately followed by Harry yawning "widely and obviously", then Harry and Ron having a discussion after class while walking in which Harry comments that he'd be a medical miracle if he dropped dead every time Trelawney said he was going to and Ron saying that he'd be a sort of ultra-concentrated ghost.
• Harry tries to see Dumbledore in the headmaster's office after the dream he has in Divination, but doesn't know the password and starts shouting out random names of sweets. He finally succeeds on "Cockroach Cluster".
  Harry: "Cockroach cluster"? I was only joking…
  • And this is after Harry tries kicking the password gargoyle to elicit some sort of response. With predictable results.
  • It gets even better if you know where Cockroach Cluster originates from; apparently Albus Dumbledore is a Monty Python fan.
• After Sirius writes a letter to Harry telling him that he's returning to Britain due to the chaos at the Quidditch World Cup and Harry's scar hurting, Harry writes a letter back to him saying that he only imagined it and that he was half asleep when he wrote Sirius about it. The very first sentence of Sirius's reply back?
  Sirius: Nice try, Harry.
• "'Okay, I'll write to him', said Harry, throwing his last piece of toast into the lake. They both stood and watched it floating there for a moment, before a large tentacle rose out of the water and scooped it beneath the surface."
• After Harry completes the First Task, the Gryffindors have a party in the common room. Dean puts up several banners that show Harry zooming around the dragon on his Firebolt, but a few of them have drawings of Cedric with his head on fire.
• Harry is confused when Ron refers to his owl as "Pig". Ron explains it's actually short for Pigwidgeon; he hates the name, but Ginny started using it to address the owl before he could think of a different name and now it only responds to Pigwidgeon.
• Ron refuses to wear his dress robes, as they have lace on the edges. His mother replies that if that's the case, he can attend the Yule Ball nude and Harry can send her a picture because she needs a laugh. After she leaves, Pigwidgeon starts choking on an owl treat that's too big for him to swallow, prompting Ron to gripe "Why is everything I own rubbish?"
• Before the second task, Harry, Ron and Hermione are going through book after book in the library trying to find a spell that will let Harry breathe underwater. When they still haven't found anything after searching for hours, Hermione snaps a book shut and grumbles, "Oh, this is no use. Who on earth wants to make their nose hair grow into ringlets?!"

From the film

Mom said if you made that face for too long, it'd stick like that.

• Cedric Diggory's introduction has him drop down from presumably a tree, with Hermione and Ginny sharing a look. It gets twice as hilarious as Robert Pattinson was cast as Batman over a decade later.
• This gem from Lucius Malfoy:
  Weasley Twin: Blimey, Dad! How far up are we?
  Lucius: Well, put it this way: If it rains, you'll be the first to know.
• The Why Don't You Marry It? moment in the tent. Especially when Fred, George, and Harry sing "Viktor, I love you. Viktor, I do...When we're apart, my heart beats only for you", before Mood Whiplash sets in in the background.
  • Even Ginny gets in on it: "I think you're in love, Ron."
• Just before the Bulgarians ruin the giant, dancing Irish Leprechaun, in the background behind the Irish players, there's a large green banner which has the stereotypical Irish phrase on it: "Top o' the morning!"
  • Krum's introduction features him doing a handstand on a broom and an absolutely enormous magical banner that takes up half the stadium!
• Hagrid becomes an air traffic controller and almost gets flattened by Beauxbatons' enormous carriage, piloted by seven very large flying Abraxan horses.
  Hagrid: CLEAR THE RUNWAY!
  • The Beauxbatons are, according to Pottermore, the ones openly breaking the Statute of Secrecy. If their headmistress being half-giant didn't already do it, then the enormous carriage pulled by seven very large and very noticeable flying Abraxan horses will — especially as there are no Disillusionment Charms on it to hide it.
  • Durmstrang and their enormous pirate ship are breaking it, too!
  • McGonagall looks absolutely terrified when Moody arrives, Flitwick too — Snape, however, just has the "Oh, god, it's him" look on his face.
  • Filch's "running" through the Great Hall.
  • Ron checking out the Beauxbatons' girls' bums as they make their entrances.
    Ron: Bloody hell!
  • There's also a hilarious moment where, after Dumbledore informs Madame Maxime that Hagrid will be taking care of the Beauxbatons' student's lodgings, the completely infatuated gamekeeper proceeds to absently stab Professor Flitwick's hand clean through with his fork, causing the Charms professor to cry out in pain and angrily admonish Hagrid.
• In one of the deleted scenes, after the introduction of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, Dumbledore decides that the students should sing the school hymn in order to entertain their guests. The looks on their faces speaks volumes of how awkward they find it. Even more funny made by Crabbe singing along very enthusiastically and looking at Draco, with him looking all Cool, right? and Draco being Draco answering with a very dull expression, like he wants to say "You are so embarrassing."
• Professor Moody introducing himself to his class: "I'm here because Dumbledore asked me, end of story, goodbye, the end! Any questions?"
  • Moody's magic eye catches Seamus sticking his chewing gum under his desk. (Whereas in the book he chastised Lavender for showing Parvati her Divination homework; Lavender was Adapted Out of this film.)
    Moody: You need to know what you're up against, you need to be prepared, you need to find another place to put your chewing gum besides the underside of your desk, Mr. Finnegan!
    Seamus: No way, the old codger can see out the back of his head.
    (Moody whirls around, and hurls the chalk at Seamus)
    Moody: AND HEAR ACROSS CLASSROOMS!
• Ron complaining about Krum: "Ruddy pumpkinhead, isn't he?"
  • Also, Ron coming in pale and shaking and looking like he's about to faint because "He just asked Fleur Delacour out."
    • "Actually, he sort of screamed at her."
  • And this exchange is especially hilarious because of Emma Watson's delivery.
    Harry: What did she [Fleur] say?
    Hermione: No, of course.
    Ron shakes his head.
    Hermione: She said yes!?
• Fred and George get turned into old people after their attempt to enter the tournament fails — Harry has a look on his face that screams "shit is going wrong… and it's not going wrong on me?"
  • And Hermione's already predicted something going wrong, as she says while looking at the camera:
    "It's not going to work!"
    • The delivery of the line makes it even better — she says it in a delightfully smug sing-song.
  • After Fred and George's attempt at cheating the Goblet fails horribly, they get into a fist-fight on the floor, with each blaming the other for coming up with the idea. In true middle/high school fashion, everyone crowds around them and begins to chant "Fight! Fight! Fight!" while Hermione simply sits back, completely unamused, and goes back to her books.
    "We're old school, right?"
    "Yeah, but you look older!"
• The moment Harry's name comes out the Goblet of Fire, stunning everyone and Dumbledore calling for him, Harry (who's in shock like everyone else) just tries to hide as much as he possibly can.
• Dumbledore, unlike the book, throttles Harry against a cabinet when he asked him if he put his name into the Goblet of Fire, as though Harry just did something that could get him into serious trouble.
• Hey... My eyes aren't "glistening with the ghosts of my past"!
  • —Harry Potter, Age 12...
    • Keep in mind at this point, Harry is 14, as he repeatedly has to remind Rita.
• While Harry and Ron are fighting, they put Hermione through an extensive and highly aggravating Tell Him I'm Not Speaking to Him sequence. Finally, Hermione has had enough.
  Hermione: I'm not an owl!
  • Ron told Hermione that Seamus told him that Dean told Parvati that Hagrid's looking for Harry. After Ron and Harry are on speaking terms again, Ron says he was the one who heard it from Hagrid, and he was the one who truly helped him. Harry's expression is priceless.
    Ron: I thought we'd be alright, you know, after that.
    Harry: (in disbelief) Who- who could possibly have figured that out? That's completely mental.
  • When the boys apologize to each other, all Hermione can do is stare at them and mutter "Boys!". Angelina Johnson, seated next to her, just slowly nods in agreement.
• Sirius sends Harry a letter using a bird with aggressive tendencies.
  Harry: (reading the letter) "P.S.: The bird bites." (cries out) Ouch! (The bird has bitten him just as he was reading the postscript.)
• Draco the Amazing Bouncing Ferret as translated to film. Mainly for the fact that Moody ends up shoving Malfoy into Crabbe's trousers. (And Goyle reaches into the front of said trousers and fumbles around in there for several moments. Ferret-Draco also bites Goyle's finger… very fortunately for Crabbe.) Then Professor McGonagall arrives on the scene:
  Professor McGonagall: Professor Moody! What are you doing?!
  Professor Moody: Teaching.
  Professor McGonagall: Is that a- Is that a student?!
  Professor Moody: Technically, it's a ferret.
  • While Harry, Cedric and the other students are laughing their asses off, McGonagall promptly turns Malfoy back to human form. Getting back to his feet and jumping back in shock at the sight of Moody, Malfoy angrily promises to pass word of this back to Lucius. This quickly disappears as Moody abandons his cane and chases him around a nearby tree twice before he can escape:
    Malfoy: My father will hear about this!
    Moody: (chasing Malfoy) Is that a threat?! IS THAT A THREAT?! I COULD TELL YOU STORIES ABOUT YOUR FATHER THAT WOULD CURL EVEN YOUR GREASY HAIR, BOY! IT DOESN'T END HERE!
  • And the face he makes after the whole debacle is over to McGonagall's back.
    • Since this "Moody" is actually Barty Crouch Jr., who was a Death Eater, just like Lucius, meaning that the stories he's talking about are of their time together with Voldemort, not of the real Moody's time hunting him.
    • And of course, the only person who hates Lucius "bribed his way out of prison" Malfoy more than Mad-Eye Moody is the Death Eater who wound up in Azkaban while Lucius didn't.
  • Made even better. Crouch Jr. is watching Harry on Dumbledore's orders. Who wants to bet that, when Harry calls Lucius "vile and cruel" and Draco "pathetic", Crouch Jr. is agreeing wholeheartedly?
    • Even better, perhaps? Apparently the real Moody does not need the stick at all. Crouch Jr. chases Draco without using it, and no-one bats an eyelid at it. This means Crouch Jr. is just using the stick to look absolutely fucking terrifying, rather than for any practical purposes. It also implies that's the same reason as to why Moody uses the stick.
  • McGonagall ripping Crouch Jr., saying "We never use transfiguration as a punishment!" And this is coming from a teacher who sent a group of first year students into a forest full of dangerous monsters as detention...
    McGonagall: Surely Dumbledore told you that?
    "Moody": (looking cross-eyed down at McGonagall's wand) ... He might've mentioned it.
• Harry's disgusted reaction upon learning that Hagrid accompanies him to the Forbidden Forest partly so he can have a night with Madame Maxime.
• Filch never does get the hang of that cannon…
  Dumbledore: Mr. Diggory, at the sound of the cannon, you—
  Filch: (blasts cannon)
  • During the third task, when Dumbledore tries to do the count of three, Filch fires the cannon on "One", then sheepishly shrugs his shoulders and mouths "What?!" with annoyance. Dumbledore settles for just shaking his head and glowering at Filch.
    • Watch that scene frame-by-frame. It appears that instead of being set off by Filch, the cannon simply goes off of its own accord, making Filch's look somewhat justified.
  • In the first task preparations, Dumbledore pauses midway through prepping the champions to ask why Hermione is in the tent. She sheepishly excuses herself and leaves.
  • As Crouch gives the contestants their dragons, he lets out a little "Ooooooo" as Viktor selects his Chinese Fireball.
• Ron's hilariously ugly dress robes. "Traditional?! They're ancient! I look like my great-aunt Tessie!" (sniffs armpit) "I smell like my great-aunt Tessie!" (looks in the mirror) "Murder me, Harry."
  Ron: Oh, look, Mum's sent me something! (unwraps package) Mum sent me a dress.
  Harry: Well, it does match your eyes. Is there a bonnet? (picks up a frilly cravat from the package) Aha!
  Ron: Nose down, Harry. Ginny, these are for you.
  Ginny: I'm not wearing that, it's ghastly!
  (Hermione starts laughing)
  Ron: What are you on about?
  Hermione: They're not for Ginny. They're for you!
  (The entire Gryffindor table starts laughing)
• The First Task is made a lot more difficult for the film compared to the book. In the book, Harry easily flies circles around the dragon and grabs the egg it's guarding with little trouble. For the film, on the other hand, the Hungarian Horntail breaks out of its chains and chases Harry out of the stadium. As it's flying, the dragon's tail slices through the section where all the teachers are sitting and they all scramble out of the way. The teachers are left covered in debris and the Hogwarts students are applauding.
  Fred: Well done, dragon!
  • Dumbledore and Moody / Crouch Jr. give a "What the fuck was that!?" look, Fudge looks horrified, McGonagall and Snape are covered in dust, but Skeeter looks worse for wear with her hair wild and glasses lopsided; as the dragon flies over them, she's waving her arms wildly trying to bat it away like a fly!
• After he gets the dragon egg in the First Task, Harry, who is carried by Fred and George on their shoulders, asks everyone in the Gryffindor common room if they want him to open it. As they all agree, he does so, and the egg lets out a deafening screech that forces everyone, including the people in the portraits, to cover their ears, and Fred and George end up letting go of Harry, who then shuts the egg again, leading Ron to say this gem:
  Ron: The bloody hell was that?!
• When Ron is chosen by Professor McGonagall to demonstrate with her at the 'dancing lesson', Harry turns back to Fred and George…
  Harry: You're never going to let him forget this, are you?
  Fred and George: (They look to each other, look back to Harry, and shake their heads) Never.
  • And that's after some random student wolf-whistles in mockery of Ron. Ron tries to flip them off, only for Professor McGonagall to take his hand and put it around her waist.
  • Being head of house for Gryffindor, it was Professor McGonagall's job to prepare her house for the Yule Ball. So what about the other three?
    Snape: Take... My... Waist...
    • Forget Snape, imagine Flitwick, who's just barely three feet tall, giving his students dancing lessons!
  • Retroactively made funnier when the Yule Ball actually arrives and we get maybe five minutes of traditional ballroom dancing before "Do The Hippogriff" starts playing, essentially invalidating the entire exercise.
• The studying scene, where Harry and Ron keep on getting caught talking by Snape and get their heads smacked and forced down for their troubles. The uber-annoyed look Snape gives and the precise manner in which he pulls his sleeves up before shoving their heads down was the icing on the funny cake.
  • Ron bemoans he and Harry not having dates for the Yule Ball, earning a Dope Slap from Snape. He tries to comfort himself by saying that Neville also won't have a date, until Hermione informs him that Neville does have one, making Ron feel even worse.
  • This conversation that follows:
    Ron: Hermione...you're a girl!
    Hermione: Well spotted.
  • Harry in the background sees Snape coming towards them and starts tugging on Ron's sleeve to get him to stop talking. Ron doesn't notice, leading Snape to smack them both in the head with a book.
  • You might notice that Harry is trying his hardest to not laugh when hit after the example mentioned above.
  • You may note that Snape actually hits only Harry and Ron, not Hermione. Everyone Has Standards, after all.
  • Fred's way of asking Angelina to the ball. He throws a wad of paper and hits her, points to her, mimes dancing, and points to himself. She nods, and he throws Ron a big goofy wink as George grins. Meanwhile, Snape's standing behind Angelina, seeming to be deliberately pulling an "I'm not looking" as he intently studies a book.
  • While Snape is busy hitting Harry and Ron, he completely ignores the small fire behind him, most likely created by Seamus Finnegan.
  • Draco sees everything and mockingly laughs at the trio, until Ron gives him a look and he immediately turns to his books.
  • And Snape comes this close to inflicting a Head Desk on the pair, something he's surely wanted to do since day one.
• Hi Harry.
• "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."
• Plenty at the Yule Ball proper:
  • Padma's reaction to Ron's dress robes. Even as she's fishing for a compliment, there's a look on her face that says clearly, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
    Padma: Don't you look... dashing.
  • Krum's nodding of his head as Hermione takes his arm; he's thinking "Aww, yeah! I got the girl!". Don't believe me? Look here at 0:33.
  • As the champions and their dates come forward to the dance floor:
    Padma: Is that… Hermione Granger? With Viktor Krum?
    Ron: No. Ab- Absolutely not.
  • Filch rocking Mrs. Norris. And she purrs. Watch the clip.
  • The brief shot of Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory dancing is utterly Hilarious in Hindsight. Robert Pattinson has this uber-serious expression on his face that makes him look exactly like Edward Cullen.
  • We cut away briefly to Barty Crouch Jr. on the sidelines, swaying, and taking a sip from his flask of Polyjuice Potion in time to the music.
  • Hagrid's giddy face when nodding to Madame Maxime to ask her for a dance. Later, while slow-dancing, his hand slides down to her...backside and she immediately fixes it back in place.
  • While "Do the Hippogriff" is playing, Flitwick crowdsurfs (not quite willingly) and Crabbe tries to jump on Viktor Krum's back, among others.
  • While everyone else is dancing:
    Ron: (regarding Viktor Krum) Ruddy pumpkinhead, isn't he?
    Harry: I don't think it was the books he was going for in the library.
    (Parvati and Padma give them equally disgusted looks)
  • After Ron makes it clear he won't ask Padma for a dance and the twins sit, dejected:
    Durmstrang boy: May I have your arm?
    Parvati: Arm… Leg… (rolls eyes to Harry and snorts) I'm yours.
    (Padma, realizing she's stuck with the two boys, gives an utterly miserable look)
• In a Deleted Scene, Snape goes around docking points from the people sneaking off to the carriages to make out… while Karkaroff is trying to get him to show his Dark Mark.
• When talking about the golden eggs with Harry, Hermione says that Krum hasn't said much about it since he's "more of a physical being". She then realizes what she just said, and they both laugh about it.
• Moaning Myrtle shows up to flirt with Harry while he's in the prefects' bath.
• Neville's reaction during the Second Task after he thinks Harry has drowned and didn't swallow the plant he gave him earlier:
  Neville: Oh my God. I've killed Harry Potter!
  • And not long after, Harry is shown making a backflip while Neville has his back turned. Upon turning around and seeing Seamus and Dean cheering, he's completely confused.
  • In the background, Nigel, Harry’s number one fan, is standing next to Harry’s bitter rival, Draco Malfoy. Draco hits Nigel on the head when he starts cheering for Harry.
  • After Harry is awarded second place, Nigel rubs it in Malfoy’s face, only to get hit on the head once more.
• Harry being called "Moral Fibre" by other students due to the praise he got from the judges after the second task.
• The Pensieve of Karkaroff's trial.
  • When Karkaroff mentions Snape as one of the Death Eaters, there's an audible collective groan from the crowd when Dumbledore rises to vouch for Severus. This can only mean that several Death Eaters before Karkaroff have already tried to rat out Snape, and Dumbledore has recited this speech defending him every single time.
  • While Dumbledore is explaining Snape's allegiance, Crouch Sr. can even be seen doing a facepalm, as if to say "This shit again!?"
  • Rita Skeeter's exaggerated gasp when Karkaroff reveals Barty Crouch as a Death Eater. He means the junior, but everyone (including Skeeter) thought Karkaroff means the senior until he clarifies.
  • Karkaroff holds off on ratting out Barty Jr., instead stalling for time by bringing up inconsequential names like Snape. When Barty Sr. gets exasperated and threatens to end the hearing early and send Karkaroff back to Azkaban unless he gives them a name of consequence, Karkaroff decides not only to just drop the bombshell that the elder Crouch's son is a Death Eater, but do so in the most dramatic way possible. His facial expression just screams "You asked for it, pal."
  • Crouch Jr., for some reason, attended Karkaroff's proceedings.^note This scene goes differently in the books, with the Lestranges and Crouch Jr. as the ones on trial, but this is combined with Karkaroff's own trial for pacing reasons and to account for Bellatrix not being cast yet, as well as explain Karkaroff and Snape's respective Death Eater pasts. When Karkaroff brings up the Longbottoms, Crouch Jr. decides a couple of moments too late to try to bail before Karkaroff names him. David Tennant's body language is dialogue all on its own.
    Karkaroff: …I know for a fact that this person took part in the capture and, by means of the Cruciatus Curse, torture of the Auror Frank Longbottom and his wife!
    Crouch Jr.: (stands and starts stepping over people) ["This… looks like a good time to make my exit."]
    Crouch Sr.: The name! Give me the wretched name!
    Karkaroff: BARTY CROUCH!
    '(Cue Mass "Oh, Crap!" during the Dramatic Pause)'
    Crouch Jr.: (stops) ["Dammit Igor! Ten more seconds! Could you not have stalled for ten more seconds?!"]
    Karkaroff …Junior.
    Junior.: ["Thanks a lot, asshole. That's a life sentence. Welp, might as well get my money's worth while I'm here."] (Crouch Jr. turns and tries to attack Crouch Sr., only for Moody to promptly stun him. Crouch Jr. is dragged up to the bench.)
    Junior: [David Tennant puts the biggest shit-eating grin imaginable on his face] Hello Father! [flicks his tongue]
    Senior: You are no son of mine.
  • When Crouch Jr is named as a Death Eater, it cuts to Rita Skeeter, who's been reporting on the trial. The look on her face screams "I just hit pay dirt!"
• The Veritaserum scene.
  Snape: Do you know what this is, Potter?
  Harry: Bubble juice, sir?
  • Also where Snape laments that its use on students is "regrettably forbidden".
  • And as usual, Alan Rickman's stone cold delivery is 90% of the humor involving Snape.
  Snape: Don't... Lie... To me.
• The film has several funny background events that show that, despite being an Academy of Adventure, Hogwarts is still at its core a college for wizards. In particular would be the beginning of the Third Task, where the Beauxbatons girls can be seen dancing like cheerleaders for Fleur, while Draco and his cronies are waving flags, and Crabbe has painted Krum's name on his forehead!
• During the introduction of the champions of the Third Task, the students of Beauxbatons are doing the hand movement from the macarena!
  • This is actually somewhat period-accurate, too — in the book, the Third Task takes place in May or so of 1995, right around the time the song in question released and shot to the top of many charts worldwide, including in both the UK and France.
• Voldemort bum-rushing Harry during their duel at the climax. In the midst of his pompous Evil Gloating, Voldemort gives us this gem:
  Voldemort: Attaboy, Harry!
• Despite how dark the scene in question is, Voldemort's delivery on this line is kind of hilarious, as it sounds less like a murderous overlord and more like a frustrated parent/teacher (which is probably the intention):
  Voldemort: DON'T YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON ME, HARRY POTTER! I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ME WHEN I KILL YOU!
• The nonchalant way Crouch Jr. refers to Neville as "The Witless Wonder" during the former's Motive Rant.
• As soon as Crouch Jr. is revealed, Moody's eye, which has hit the floor, shows it is still apparently connected to him, as it spins around, trying to find out what is going on and where it can see it all best.
• It happens during an otherwise deadly serious scene. but when Snape gets ahold of "Moody" / Crouch Jr.'s vial and realizes that there's Polyjuice Potion in it, and thus Crouch Jr. had been the one raiding ingredients from his stores, Harry (whom Snape had accused of stealing them) angles his head behind Dumbledore to look at Snape with an obvious expression of "See? Told you it wasn't me. Ass."
  • Snape in turn shoots Harry a look that gives the impression that he's disappointed he can't blame Harry for the theft anymore.
• Dumbledore visiting Harry in his dorm and talking about the bed curtains (possibly making it up to break the ice):
  I never liked these curtains. Set them on fire in my fourth year. By accident, of course.