Harry Potter's secret heartache? What's ailing you now?
Re: Arthur Weasley's eccentricities:
Molly Weasley: Your father thinks very highly of Mad-Eye Moody.
Fred Weasley: Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn't he?
Divination homework, doing a month's worth of self-predictions filled with every human misery possible. "You seem to be drowning twice." "Oh am I? ... I'd better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging hippogriff." Made even better by the fact that Professor Trewlaney loved it.
Made even better, when you realize that all of his made-up predictions come true (in a matter of speaking) during the course of the book.
Harry never got trampled by a rampaging hippogriff, though.
However, he did almost drown twice. Guess you don't get any points for redos.
Absolutely hilarious as read by Stephen Fry in the audio books.
The humor is even more heightened with the fact that Hermione of all people promptly gets the giggles and has to leave the line until Archie is gone.
When Harry meets Percy at the Yule Ball and Percy mentions how he's been promoted "As if he were announcing his election as supreme ruler of the universe."
After Fred mentions the Yule Ball:
Ron: Who're you going with, then? Fred: Angelina. Ron: What? You've already asked her? Fred: Good point. (calling across the room) Oi! Angela! Angelina: What? Fred: Want to come to the ball with me? Angelina: All right, then. Fred:(to Harry and Ron) There you go, piece of cake.
Especially funny compared to Harry's agony over asking Cho.
Filch believes that he has finally caught Peeves stealing from a student, and would sure enough have him out of the castle when he presented Dumbledore with Harry's champion egg that he had just dropped while getting stuck underneath the invisibility cloak. Unfortunately for Filch, Moody arrives and takes it away.
"No!" said Filch, clutching the egg as if it were his first-born son.
"[Harry, Ron and Hermione] went into Gladrags Wizardwear to buy a present for Dobby, where they had fun selecting the most lurid socks they could find, including a pair patterned with flashing gold and silver stars, and another that screamed loudly when they became too smelly."
From the film:
Daniel Radcliffe's very good at being hilariously blunt. A good example being the final scene, where it's sinking in to Hermione that Voldemort is back.
Hermione (close to tears): "Everything's going to change, isn't it?"
Harry: (puts his hand on her shoulder, then says "Yeah" in a completely blunt, unsympathetic tone)
Ron complaining about Krum: "Ruddy pumpkinhead!"
Also Ron coming in pale and shaking and looking like he's about to faint because 'He just asked Fleur Delacour out."
"Actually, he sort of screamed at her."
And this exchange is especially hilarious because of Emma Watson's delivery.