Funny / Hades

Per wiki policy, Spoilers Off applies here and all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

Hypnos, Sleep Incarnate and Giver of Bad Advice.

The game has a massive amount of dialogue that suits innumerable specific conditions. And some of them are bound to get a chuckle out of you.

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General

• The settings screen alone has some goodies:
  Bright cursor: Reduce the chances of losing the mouse cursor while frantically trying not to die.
• Zagreus having a back and forth with the narrator (who's definitely of the Lemony Snicket variety) in some sections of the game.
  • Sometimes if you click through the Narrator's speech before he's finished, he'll get offended.
  • The fact that Zagreus doesn't seem perplexed by a voice in his head narrating most of the things he does.
• The Shades around the game have little bubbles of emotions showing how they're feeling towards Zagreus, with each appearing at rather appropriate moments.
• The "Hazard Eris" build. Taking Aspect of Eris for Adamant Rail lets you get a damage buff every time you stand in the blast of your Special Attack. Problem is, Hazard Bomb damage and the blast radius upgrade from Daedalus Hammer disable Friendly Fireproof. It's like juggling live grenades where the only way to play optimally and not kill yourself is to abuse your dash invincibility the entire run.
• The very idea of Chthonic Companions in general. You expect the things that can summon the dead, the Furies, the Grim Reaper, and Cerberus to be some fancy-looking object like the keepsakes. Instead, they are plush toys.

Between Runs

• Every time you die and return to the underworld, Hypnos will comment about the cause of death and provide a sarcastic remark about how to avoid dying like that again. Zagreus returns a snarky comment of his own.
  • If the Final Boss does actually clobber you, Hypnos will be astounded that his list displays "Redacted" as Zagreus' cause of death. Zag understandably doesn't wanna talk about it. But then again, if the shoe is on the other foot, and you beat him good, you can talk to him at his desk, where he pretends that nothing happened and that you made it up. The pettiness is astounding. You can likewise talk to Achilles, whom Zagreus assures insistently that he won, in spite of whatever version of events made the rounds.
    • If you have access to the records room and check your stats on the last run, it will also list your cause of death as "Redacted."
  • If you make it out to the surface for the first time, Zagreus will eventually be dragged back into the underworld, and Hypnos' list displays Zagreus' cause of death as Natural Causes, something the often-snoozing god finds both odd and amusing. After all, just how in the hell can the heir of the Underworld itself die "like humans do"?
    • Keep up a streak of successful escapes and Hypnos will continue to offer "encouragement" to help Zagreus combat the "Natural Causes".
• If Zagreus purchases a rug for the House:
  Zagreus: By my decree, this is not a house without this rug.
  Hades: What have you done to my floor surfaces?
  • Keep buying rugs. You know you want to. Why? This;
    Hades: (exasperated) Oh, leave the blasted rugs alone for once..!
  • Hades as a whole is hilariously petty about Zag's redecorating. He will be particularly disappointed at you if you buy a poster of Aphrodite, and be downright appalled if you install a disco ball in the lounge:
    Hades: Blood and darkness, what have you done!
    • Even better, it's called a Prism Sphere, Revolving. And you can get a Prism Sphere, Revolting to replace it, which is a giant skull plated with reflecting panels;
      Prism Sphere, Revolving: Reflects light in a vividly hypnotic pattern.
      Prism Sphere, Revolting: Reflects light in a frankly upsetting pattern.
• Zagreus on purchasing a scroll of Aphrodite, who is noticeably always in the nude.
  Zagreus: Hey, they're my bedchambers, I can buy whatever wallscrolls I want!
• Frankly, almost all of Hades' snark towards the redecorating could go here. About the only decorations Hades doesn't express disapproval or acrid snark over are the particularly macabre such as bones and skeletons.
• When Zagreus is finally choosing to rest, it plays a flashback of the reason why he decided to leave the Underworld. But with the narrator telling the audience what's going on, Zagreus constantly tells him to keep it down since he had Hypnos put everyone in the House to sleep. When Zagreus reaches the critical point, the narrator's speech is toned down from his normal volume to a stage whisper, as if he'd finally gotten the message. Aside from the fourth-wall breaks, it's also a brilliant Gameplay and Story Integration that justifies why no one else is around at that time.
  • Then he finds a letter with the narrator expositing that it was a letter written by his mother Persephone. Zagreus does a double take after hearing the narrator say that. This causes said narrator to give an Oh, Crap! reaction and attempts to save face, to little avail.
    Narrator: Uhhh, erm, thus did the Prince discover, inadvertently, the well-kept truth about his lineage. Entirely by chance, this did occur…
  • The fact that Zagreus didn't find out Persephone was his mother on his own, but because the narrator momentarily forgot that Zagreus can hear him.
• You can occasionally listen in on shades around the House of Hades. Doing so will provide info on how they died and their reactions to it:
  "I dodged the first five, I think that should count for something."^{Cause of death:}arrow impalement
  "Why does everyone keep asking if the horse was okay?"^{Cause of death:}stampeding
  "Those prophecies have a way of catching up with you."^{Cause of death:}Falling tortoise. (The shade in question is Aeschylus, who stayed outside in his old age to avoid a prophecy saying he would die via a house falling on him. An eagle, thinking his bald head was a rock, dropped a turtle, who wears its house on itself, on him to try and break its shell.)
  "I would do anything for just one glimpse of Aphrodite...!"^{Cause of death:}Dehydration, also known as thirst
  "Who exactly is the supervisor around here?! This is ridiculous!"^{Cause of death:}Blood Pressure
  "Do you think Lord Hades is going to hear me out?"^{Cause of death:}Elephant
  "If I ever get my hands on Daedalus again..."^{Cause of death:}Flying Experiment
  "Anyone seen a carpenter named Leander?"^{Cause of death:}Collapsed Roof
  "I’m telling you, Achilles is the strongest there ever was!"^{Cause of death:}Achilles
  "Well, I knew I had a one-in-three chance…"^{Cause of death:}Poison Mushroom
  "I really thought that the goddess of the hunt was looking out for me…"^{Cause of death:}Trampling
  "I’ve lost count of how many times Lord Hades dismissed my claim!"^{Cause of death:}Boulder
  "What do you mean, what now? This is it! Get used to it!!"^{Cause of death:}Old Age
  "Well, at least I won the bet."^{Cause of death:}Mauling
  "What was all that splashing? Did you hear that?"^{Cause of death:}Rock Fall
  "You should have seen the other guy! Have you seen the other guy?"^{Cause of death:}Brawl
  "I should definitely not have drank that, in retrospect."^{Cause of death:}Hemlock
• After defeating Hades and getting the Pact of Punishment, you can earn additional bounties by taking penalties or enemy bonuses to fill out your "Heat Gauge." While the Heat needed to earn a bounty reward is usually pretty low, there's nothing stopping you from overfilling the Heat Gauge with additional challenges (although the game will warn you with a message that there's no reward for it and to reduce the Heat). Keep overfilling it and the message gets more and more desperate…
  Great, you made the Heat Gauge cry, happy??
• If you unlock the spear's secret form after talking with Achilles, Skelly will mention he got curious enough to go up to each weapon and use the keyphrase to see what would happen. As he starts his story out, Zagerus takes the tone of a parent catching their child doing something they shouldn't have.
  Zagreus: Skelly... what did you do?
  • Then it turns out the weapons only respond to Zagreus, which bums Skelly out a bit.
  • Zagreus also asks him if he actually approached the weapons or just shouted at them over his shoulder (a reference to how Skelly never moves from his spot in the center of the courtyard unless you push him around with attacks). Skelly confirms that it was the latter.
• Hypnos happens to be a big fan of Asterius, and if you die to the latter or to Theseus, he will keep asking you to get an autograph for him. What makes this hilarious is that after you face them enough times after dying several times to them^note At least three times to Asterius, two times to Theseus and one time in the boss arena against both of them in all with Hypnos commenting on them., Zagreus will actually do this. Asterius draws a li'l picture of a bull on it and everything. Of course, this is if you fight Asterius alone. Assuming you beat him and move on to face him with Theseus, the latter will boldly offer his own autograph, only for Zagreus to flatly turn him down.
• If you pet Cerberus in front of Hades, he'll sometimes jokingly try to guilt trip Zagreus about it, faux-dramatically moaning about Cerberus always being so upset when Zagreus leaves. Zag irritably asks that Hades leave the dog out of it.
• The mere existence of Exagryph. Remember Hestia? Goddess of the home, hearth, and familial love? The only major goddess with no famous enemies among the other Olympians, universally beloved, eternally gentle, humble, and kind? Would you perhaps be interested in borrowing her cursed railgun from the dawn of time?
  • It's the perfect home defence weapon.
• If Zagreus purchases a portrait of Cerberus for the east hall, he'll mention that said portrait will surely embarrass at least several workers of the house. How could a portrait of Cerberus do that? If you take a closer look, it doesn't just depict Cerberus — it depicts Than, Meg, and Zag as babies playing with Cerberus. The painting also doubles as a Heartwarming moment, considering how it depicts a huge, three-headed hound happily playing with three babies.
  • (It’s also a bit of Continuity Snarl, or at least In-Universe Artistic License, since dialog confirms that Than and Meg have both been doing their current “jobs” since before Zagreus was born. And assuming “Like Mythology, Unless Noted”, they’re significantly older than Cerberus too.)
• Opening up the administrative chamber reveals a typical office room with filing cabinets, dozens of shades busy scribbling at desks, a modern-looking water cooler filled with water from the River Styx, and two Fauxtivational Posters on the wall (one looking like your typical "hang in there" poster, the other featuring a cheerful looking Thanatos, of all people). Examining either of the posters can have Zagreus attempt to motivate the shades with some rather lame inspirational speeches. Most of them will prompt every single shade in the room to immediately respond with the "-__-" emote.
  "Together, we can achieve anything my father wants!"
  "Some mortals don't believe in ghosts, but I believe in you!"
  "Remember, work more intelligently rather than with more ferocity!"
  "Sleep is for the living, am I right?"
  "Remember: Hang in there!"
  "Limitless work, limitless time, am I right?"
  • If Thanatos is nearby and Zagreus enters the chambers, he'll sound absolutely baffled as he asks, "You're going back in there?" Then when you come back out, he'll jokingly say, "You made it."
• Since there's no way of telling the time in the Underworld, Hades mentions trying to commission a sundial, to no avail. Zagreus can actually buy one… and it's stuck at 7:48, since there's no sun (or rather, not one that moves; Ixion's light is fixed in place).
  Tells time using Helios' flaming chariot (not included).
• Dusa's relationship with Cerberus got off to a rough start because he confused her for a ball. She also apparently has to clean up after Cerberus'… droppings. Zagreus gives Dusa a sympathetic look.
• Hypnos is excited to hear that Persephone is Zagreus's mother because that means they have an absent mother in common. Zagreus rejects this line of reasoning.
  • Later on, Hypnos is happy that Zagreus got another job because he thought Zagreus broke out and ransacked the Underworld due to him being mad that he got kicked out of the administrative job. When Zagreus pauses and asks Hypnos if that's really why he thought he had been trying to escape, Hypnos cheerfully replies with a "Yup!"
• In a conversation with Thanatos about personal growth, he recalls how Zagreus used to try to incinerate Cerberus' tail with his feet. Zagreus likewise recalls their first conversation the two ever held, which apparently consisted of Zagreus telling Thanatos that he looked better before he cut his hair and the latter staring at Zagreus like he wanted to slice his head off. Evidently, Thanatos doesn't welcome critique on his appearance.
• One of Hades' quips if Zagreus enters a locked room is "You're out well past your curfew, boy." The lack of time in the Underworld makes it even funnier.
• In a rare dialogue when you're viewing upgrades at the House Contractor, Zagreus can make a joke about himself being made out of gems if he can't afford some of the jobs.
• When Hades and Zagreus talk about the workings of the Underworld, Hades would bring up the fact that Thanatos can't seem to be keeping up with the amount of mortals dying and crossing the realm of the dead. In a somewhat sincere tone, Zagreus then quickly suggests his father to send himself to the surface. Unfortunately for Zagreus, Hades easily catches on, knowing that Zag would just want to see his mother again. It's a funny yet touching scene of a father who's capable of reading the deeper intentions of his son's words.
• Hypnos isn't entirely there in his dialogue portrait, but in his chibi keepsake portrait, he looks high as all hell.
• "Pleasure doing business!" is Zagreus's usual remark whenever he buys or trades something from the NPCs. When his father became fed up at Zagreus's constant trips and interactions with the other Olympian gods, Zag gets called out on doing such "businesses". Upon hearing that allusion, Zag casually says "Pleasure doing business!" right back at his dad.
• If Zagreus commissions a portrait of himself (which will hang right next to his father's chamber door), Hades quips that he should have named him Narcissus.
• One interaction leads to Zagreus colluding with Dionysus to pull a prank on Orpheus, convincing the musician that Zagreus and Dionysus are split from the same being. Orpheus fully buys into it, even writing a song based on that, but after the joke's worn off, Zagreus can't convince Orpheus that he's been fooled.

During a Run

• Just the bosses alone result in great moments:
  • After you've adjusted to the game a bit and have reached a level where you're able to consistently beat Megaera, one of the times when you do die after her will result into you seeing her shortly afterwards in the line of souls, in a very bad mood with Hypnos, whose Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant job of handing out advice on ways to avoid repeat returns means that he was compelled to try and give Meg advice on how not to get killed by Zagreus. After undoubtedly hearing his unwelcome and unhelpful advice in the reverse situation, it's kind of hilarious to see the shoe on the other foot.
  • Beat the Hydra? One of Hades' post-boss lines will amuse you:
    "How could you, boy? That Hydra had a family!"
    • This is made even funnier by the fact that Cerberus and Lernie are both the children of Typhon and Echidna, so yes, in fact, that Hydra does have a family.
  • If you run into Asterius before making it to the end of Elysium for the first time, where Theseus waits, Zagreus wonders aloud who's stronger than him and asks if it's Heracles. Asterius refuses to tell him.
  • Fighting Asterius one too many times leads one of Zag's comments to eventually get under his skin:
    Asterius: You have returned to my chamber. I trust you know by now what this means.
    Zagreus: That I've challenged you to a battle for pride and glory because that's apparently all there is to do around here?
    Asterius: That... *snort* Yes. That is essentially correct. Prepare.
  • Zagreus' initial delight, and later exasperation, moving to complete and utter exhaustion, with the ever bombastic and mouthy Theseus, who keeps giving him a hell of a double boss fight for no other reason than pride and that he wants to. The player will undoubtedly relate.
    • As the game goes on, it becomes more and more clear that Theseus's blustering is a mixture of his own wounded pride and him just acting to the crowd. Both Asterius and Zagreus are getting more and more annoyed by it with each escape attempt.
  • Due to the game's unfinished nature during its Early Access days, actually beating the game and accessing the rest of the content required some ingenuity to excuse the player on not seeing the outside world and getting back to the starting point. "For now, pretend the Lord Hades absolutely clobbered him" was one such excuse. And among others, you may also see exaggerated accounts of how Zagreus died immediately after reaching the surface, such as "running into a brick wall painted to look like an exit" (and said absolutely deadpan, mind you, before playing the death animation). Other amusing post-game deaths include:
    • Being run over by a chariot.
    • Smelling a flower Zagreus is allergic to.
    • Trying to make friends with a venomous snake.
    • Getting gored by an angry goat.
    • Slipping on an "Exotic yellow fruit of unknown origins".
    • Stepping on a farm implement and smacking himself in the face.
    • Becoming bored to death by the mundanity of the surface world.
    • Stepping on a cactus.
    • Thinking about his previous deaths so hard he dies.
    • Learning the run was All Just a Dream, but dying in it was real.
    • Shouting into the mountains to hear the echo of his own voice, only to cause an avalanche that flattens him.
    • Some other way that is truly humiliating, you'll just need to take the narrator's word for it.
    • Killing Zagreus for thinking the Narrator has run out of ways to kill him.
    • Completing the game's story and making Persephone return also returns these messages, with the narrator evidently struggling after a while to think of another way Zagreus died, forcing Zagreus to awkwardly apologize to Persephone for being unable to get back to her farm and take care of the place like he promised.
  • An update in October 2020 changed the death animation of Zagreus for completing a run successfully after the epilogue of the story. After dying in whatever humiliating way he goes out this time, Zagreus is knocked backwards into the River Styx, but manages to resurface his arm long enough to flash the peace sign before sinking under.
• Once Zagreus gets to the Temple of Styx for the first time and sees Cerberus guarding the exit, he'll start talking to the dog in a tone of Don't Make Me Destroy You as the music starts playing the boss theme… and then Zagreus laughs off his joke before gently asking Cerberus if he could save them both the trouble and just move out of the way.
  • The Temple of Styx is a place wherein you go through several tunnels and either face a lot of enemies, or a miniboss at the end, trying to find the one that has a "Satyr Sack" in it. The same room will also have a much larger fountain within it along with the Sack and a reward, and the water is noticeably a rather concerning brownish colour. Tasting it will restore much more health than normal, but also apparently makes Zagreus want to gag, as he usually coughs and hacks while declaring how great it is, or asks what's in it.
  • What exactly is in the "Satyr Sack"? Well, sometimes, when you pick it up, it will squeak. Zagreus will remark that it's "still fresh", and one of the Cerberus messages outright says "The sack contains vermin."
  • Right after you deliver the Satyr Sack, the game applauds your feat accordingly:
    CERBERUS VANQUISHED (NOT REALLY)
    CERBERUS VANQUISHED (HE'S FINE)
    CERBERUS VANQUISHED (YOU DID THIS)
    CERBERUS ANNIHILATED (HIS APPETITE)
    CERBERUS BRIBED (IT IS BRIBERY)
    CERBERUS RAN AWAY (WHERE DID HE GO?)
    CERBERUS DESTROYED (HIS MEAL IN THREE BITES)
    CERBERUS LEFT (HE WAS HUNGRY)
    CERBERUS ABANDONED (HIS POST IN ORDER TO EAT)
    CERBERUS DEVOURED (HIS SATYR SACK)
• When Chaos notices Nyx’s lingering power around Zagreus, they realize the goddess is helping the prince. This causes Chaos, in their own emotionless way, to reminisce how Nyx used to shroud herself in darkness while Chaos would have fun trying to locate her. In other words, they used to play hide and seek.
• Food that refills Zag's hit points (that are sometimes available at Charon's Shop or from a boon effect) are represented with modern-day fast food; while gyros are at least fitting with the Greek setting, the French fries that come with the gyros certainly aren't.
  • And apparently, Zag knows about the Five-Second Rule.
• Running into the Lernaean Bone Hydra repeatedly will make Zagreus jokingly ask if he can give it a nickname, eventually settling on "Lernie", which actually changes the name over the boss's health bar to "Lernie the Bone Hydra". Killing him will reward you with the banner "LERNIE VANQUISHED". The best part is that this becomes the Hydra's name for the remainder of the game!
• The Stoic being Thanatos' default demeanour, it's no surprise he wouldn't express much emotion when summoned. But somehow, it takes on a much funnier tone when you use him against Theseus. He just sounds so distinctly unimpressed.
  Thanatos, in a very bored voice: The Champion himself.
  • Which gets better when Theseus absolutely panics at the sight of him.
    Theseus: Why is Death on his side?!
  • The few times if Thanatos is summoned and he drops his stoic attitude is if he's summoned to fight Meg, or worse, Hades.
    Thanatos: (hurriedly) Lord, this isn't what it looks like!
    Hades: Return to your post, Thanatos!
  • Another instance against Hades has both of them tell off Zagreus for summoning him.
    Thanatos: (Exasperated) Really, Zagreus?
    Hades: You leave poor Thanatos out of this!
• Sisyphus' summon is funny just on its own. He drops Bouldy on the enemy for 1,000 damage.
  Theseus: Where did that come from?!
  Hades: Was that a boulder from the blasted sky?
  • If you summon him when Thanatos is in the room, he'll cheerfully greet the death god while Than is nowhere near amused.
• Skelly summoned during the boss fight with Hades leaves the Lord of the Underworld perturbed and annoyed at the same time.
• As of The Blood Price update, there's a new optional boss that you can fight as early as Tartarus. It's Charon, who will pick a fight with you if you steal the obol bag behind him. Even the background music abruptly cuts out to tell you just how bad of a idea that was. Of course, Zagreus has a very amusing line the first time you try this.
  Zagreus: Wow, thank you Charon!
  • And then there's Zagreus trying to get out of said fight.
    Zagreus: I can explain. It's just, I've grown very accustomed to taking stuff throughout my father's realm. I wasn't stealing from you, honestly!
    Charon (Cross-Popping Veins appear on arms; makes a Throat-Slitting Gesture) *Moans menacingly*
    Zagreus: That was not a understanding sound... Wait, why are you brandishing your oar in such a menacing way? *Boss battle starts* Oh. It's because you're going to kill me.
  • And then there is Hades's remark to Zagreus should you die to Charon.
    Hades: According to the latest report… You attempted unsuccessfully to shoplift from Charon himself? And were consequently slain? An utterly ignoble end, even for you.
    Zagreus: I was borrowing, okay? Not shoplifting. Why didn't anybody ever tell me Charon was such a monster? I thought the boating mercantile thing made for a peaceful life.
    Hades: You incur the wrath of ancient Chthonic gods, and then are surprised to be destroyed by them. Have you learned nothing, after all this time?
    Zagreus: No!
  • If you talk to Hermes after dying to Charon, he will lampshade just how ridiculous the idea of stealing from the fearsome Stygian boatman was in the first place. In the very next conversation, he will say that he made a bet with Charon that Zagreus could win twice in a row. Doing so is also a Prophecy that nets you five Blood.
• Once Zagreus talks to Sisyphus enough, he admits to the Prince that he regularly converses with Bouldy, who has kept him company for all these years and says is a good listener. Zagreus is understandably confused and awkwardly starts talking to Bouldy at Sisyphus's insistence, who then appears with its own dialogue box (which always shows a "....") and character model!
  • The idea that perhaps after years of being stuck with the boulder, it had achieved sentience is a hilarious thought on its own. You can even gift it nectar, and in response gain a unique Boon for that run! ^note Mainly just small, flat bonuses to either one of your attack methods, damage reduction, movement speed, Obol gain… or "Ambiguity Bonus" if you're unlucky, which seemingly does nothing at all.
• A lot of the Olympians' interactions are sheer gold, especially regarding Duo Boons:
  • Sea Storm causes Poseidon to boast that he's actually stronger and more handsome than Zeus, only to immediately be forced into Verbal Backpedaling when the big man himself arrives.
  • Artemis is absolutely appalled that Ares wants to duo with her, while Zeus and Poseidon both tease her over her lack of a husband of any sort.
  • Dionysus comes in sounding rather haggard and tired saying Poseidon wanted to have a chat with him, and soon Poseidon comes barging in with Dionysus quickly telling Zagreus he hopes he'll be coming up to Olympus soon.
  • Demeter wonders aloud about how someone as wise as Athena could be possibly born from Zeus' head.
  • Poseidon tells Zeus how he tried to find someone for Artemis, who didn't take kindly to his help and tells him to ask Zagreus how it was possible she was so annoyed.
  • Athena and Aphrodite have the most amusing Teeth-Clenched Teamwork:
    Aphrodite: You must forgive us, little godling, meaning our extended family here upon Olympus! Some of us are terribly stuck up, and must be making matters much more complicated than they have to be.
    Athena: I wonder, dearest Aphrodite, whether you'd be willing to repeat such things directly to my countenance?
    Aphrodite: Oh, you must know full well that I would do much more than that directly to your countenance, Athena dear! Quite frankly, you could use a lot of work!
  • Aphrodite in particular seems to be very, very good at them when displeased.
    Aphrodite: I must admit, I'm not accustomed to rejection. But you must be accustomed to a swift death! Here comes one for you now.
    Aphrodite: Now, dearest, surely there's no way that could've been one of the wiser decisions you've lately made?
    Aphrodite, petulantly: You think you can just brush me aside?! Well, I think I can crush you into tiny little bits! Let's see who's right.
• Zagreus can encounter a tiny vermin in the Temple of Styx and laugh at it. It turns out its proper name is "King Vermin" and it’s literally a boss. ^note Not a mini-boss that's just an Elite Mook, an actual boss with a name, lifebar, sinking-into-the-Styx death animation and "boss defeated" message.
  Zagreus: Uh... Oh, *chuckles* it's just a tiny vermin...
  *King Vermin releases Battle Aura, roars like a lion*
  Zagreus: Oh, gods!
  • And if you kill it by triggering Demeter's Winter Harvest, the same animation used for bosses (a glowing scythe will swing on top of the Boss, killing them instantly) will be used on the rat. Even an Olympian took that thing seriously enough to go all out into killing it.
  • Usually when you die, Hypnos gives you a survival tip, however useless it may be. If you die to King Vermin, he barely manages to read the cause of death before bursting into laughter.
  • Aside from all the above, the King Vermin is perhaps the only miniboss to elicit an "Oh no, not you again!" type reaction from Zagreus each time he's encountered.
• One of the conversations with Hades prior to completing the story has Zagreus angrily accuse him of having a storage chamber full of capes, Lampshading the fact that Hades burns up a cape as part of his boss fight intro animation. Should this occur prior to your visiting his quarters for story reasons…
  Narrator: The stoic Lord and Master of the House possesses wealth beyond imagining, a portion of which he has used for a crisp set of attire for every passing day.
  Zagreus: I knew it. It's just capes!
• Sometimes, on defeating Hades:
  Zagreus: (deadpan, exhausted) In the name of someone very sore right now.
• When going against the duo boss floating gorgon head and skull-crusher, Zagreus may jokingly refer to them as the "power couple".
• During some of the competition with Thanatos, he may sound miffed if you Kill Steal his targets, or if you catch him with one of your own attacks.
  Thanatos: Seriously, Zagreus?
  Thanatos: (after being hit) Not helping, Zagreus.
  • Then there's another conversation where he teases Zagreus.
    Thanatos: Scared I'll beat more than you?
    Zagreus: Oh yes, absolutely terrified.
  • Also the fact that the somber and calm Thanatos sounds a lot more animated during the competition as he calls out almost every attack he does.
• If Extreme Measures 4 condition is active, Hades will summon Cerberus during his boss fight, in a manner similar to Zagreus' own companion summons… which implies that the stern lord of the Underworld carries around a Cerberus plushie.
  • Also, Zag's reaction to the whole thing:
  Hades: Cerberus, now!!!
  Zagreus: Bad boy! Bad!
  cue Cerberus howling and running through the battlefield raining meteors all over it
• If you use a Greater Call that gets Theseus down to 50% of his health, without Extreme Measures enabled, he may decry you as a cheat and immediately invoke whichever god's favor is going to fill the arena with bolts.
• After much of Skelly's hype — and the Fates foretelling a useless trinket — the player's first reward for getting out of Hades with a heightened heat level (of eight) is a large sculpture of Skelly getting out of the bath, complete with a clichéd draped cloth and fig leaf. According to Skelly, he told his superiors that he wanted the gift to make him look good to Zagreus, having his great connections and all that, and they obliged.
• The second flashback shows Zagreus being late for his much hated administrative job. As soon as he signs in, at least a dozen interactive spots lights up, and "Death and I" starts playing.
  Zagreus: Oh, gods...
• If you get an onion after a trial in Erebus, you can get a conversation with Eurydice where she will point out that Zagreus smells like he ate a whole raw onion. As it turns out, Zagreus genuinely had no idea that there were other ways to eat onions.
  • Which becomes a small running gag, as he will mention to Achilles that apparently you can cook onions and the flavor will change. Achilles doesn't believe him. And then there's his Codex entry about onions, in which he laments how they're some of the few meals that make it to the Underworld and generally rants on how much he absolutely loathes their taste.
  Achilles: Yes, there are those who claim the onion has its place among the staples that a mortal ought to eat, deliberately, and with joy; for instance, they would say, the onion takes on different savor and consistency when put under the flame! But these are likely falsehoods to induce in us surpassing doubts, and make us weak. I would prefer to fade to nothingness far more than be required to consume one of those foul plants, which tainted too many a meal of mine while I was living, and goad me even now that I am dead.
• Extreme Measures 3 grants Theseus a machine-gun-mounted chariot, which he rides around in while sporting a ridiculously gaudy gold mask and bandoliers ensemble. A conversation with Achilles afterwards reveals Daedalus is responsible for the tricked-out ride, and also the costume, because he knew Theseus wouldn't realize how ridiculous he looked in it.
  Zagreus: This has to be some kind of bad dream.
  • Theseus immediately becomes attached to his new gear, particularly the chariot, whose destruction he will swear to avenge mid-combat, or even have Olympus avenge. It becomes a sore point in subsequent dialogue, in which he can name Zagreus as a property-damaging monster, or whine that the chariot gets destroyed every time they fight. While he's joyriding around the arena, in between his maniacal laughter and other boasts, his ego will have him either decry you for scratching the detailing or boast that you haven't even scratched it even if you've knocked off 40% of his health.
  • Zagreus is not a fan of the update. The guns, in particular, he will note as being unsportsmanlike, even if you have the Adamant Rail.
  • In in-battle dialogue, Theseus may express bafflement as to why the chariot explodes at the end of his first phase.
• Aphrodite's Charm status makes enemies attack on your side for a few seconds, including Elysium's double boss fight. Which means you can use Theseus' call against Asterius and watch him holler and shriek to see him one shot his own friend.
• Occasionally, upon hearing the bell that heralds Thanatos' arrival, Zagreus will say "guh-dong" out loud. Other times, Zag will hear the tolling bell and beat Thanatos to his own catchphrase.
• One of Hades' remarks if a fish spawns in his arena has him warn Zagreus to keep still because it's been taunting him for quite some time (since the fish spawns right in front of him and has presumably been there the whole time he's waited). Zagreus takes it to mean that Hades wants to take him fishing, and Hades says whoever wins their duel can take the fish as well.
• Fighting Flame Wheels in Elysium can get farcical, from their cat's-meow to their tendency to come in droves and how awkward it can be to try avoiding getting hit by them. This is especially the case when an encounter largely consists of Flame Wheels; having to face multiple waves of them becomes an Overly Long Gag.
  • There’s also a measure of amusement in that the only item or anything else that prevents spawns in the entire game is the one that stops Flame Wheels from spawning. For ten encounters, which means you probably won't see a Flame Wheel ever again that run.
• Buying Theseus' portrait for the House can result in this conversation.
  Zagreus: Oh gods, am I becoming hopelessly obsessed with Theseus...?
  Hades: You'll never be a match for such a champion.
• Examining the Bust of the Old Man will have Zagreus think the Narrator is inside the statue and demand he come out, or say he knows he's in there. Poke it enough times, and the Narrator may then respond with a snarky comment like "The often-dying Prince thus wastes his time."
• Battling Theseus with Achilles' Aspect will have him comment on the well-crafted spear and assume Zag stole it from someone worthier than him. Zagreus responds that it came from Achilles, who's much more famous than Theseus, causing him to become irate. A similar conversation happens with the Aspect of Arthur, with Theseus feeling sorry for whoever will wield it once Zagreus is done with it.
• When fighting Alecto, at least one of the dialogue options is Alecto asking him what makes him scream the loudest. Zagreus responds by telling her to ask her sister. And if you're playing Extreme Measures, there's a decent chance that Meg is in the room when this happens.
• It's possible to not only reach a Trial of the Gods where you've angered whichever deity you have the Call of, but Zagreus can even use the Greater Call, complete with Super Move Portrait Attack and comment from the divine being in question (it's easier with boons that boost God Gauge fill and Jury Summons active in the Pact of Punishment). Invariably, the god or goddess called out when they're attempting to punish Zagreus will be quite annoyed that Zagreus would invoke their aid while trying to fend them off. In particular, Artemis is incredulous that Zagreus would even think of it.
  Ares: Disgusting... / You test my patience.
  Artemis: What do you think you're doing?! / Oh, sure, I'll get right on that.
  Athena: I strongly disapprove. / You ask me now to aid you, is that so!?
  Dionysus: I can't believe this, man. / Really, man? I just...
  Zeus: Now you ask my favor, Zagreus!? / The audacity! / Wh- I ought to strike you down instead! / Have you gone daft, nephew!?
  Poseidon: Why you little-! / Oh, so NOW you want my help? / Who do you think you are!?
  Aphrodite: You don't want to make me angrier.
  Demeter: The limitless audacity of youth!
• Hades never takes it especially well if you use a Greater Call during the fight against him. Usually, he'll deride the deity in question or be furious (and mildly intimidated if it's Zeus or Demeter). Toss out Aphrodite's Call, however…
  Hades: You would think of her in a time such as this!?
• One of the eventual conversation strings the player can wind up triggering can see Zagreus learning that Ares is very sweet on Nyx, and coerces Zagreus into delivering his messages to her. Zagreus already finds the entire situation awkward, but that awkwardness turns into outright horror when he realizes that Nyx may in fact return Ares' affection.
• Whenever you manage to end the battle in Elysium by killing Theseus mid-sentence.
  Hold, you unwelcome pustule! I shall-(SPLAT)
• Fishing in Asphodel can sometimes make Zagreus mention this gem:
  Zagreus: I'll save you from the magma, fishies!
• Once Zagreus gets Chaos to try contacting Nyx again, they can give Zagreus some parenting advice, should he spawn his own offspring. Fittingly awkward for a primordial being, they recommend maintaining "sub-infinite distances" with one's offspring, even if they're annoying.
• Attacking NPCs such as Sisyphus, Eurydice, Orpheus, Patroclus, Achilles, or Cerberus in the Temple can lead to funny reactions as they chide you for trying, assume you're practicing technique, or, in Orpheus's case, guilt-trip you by asking if he somehow wronged Zagreus. Zag can also say he feels ashamed of himself if he persists in attacking the dog.
• One of the quotes from Hades at the start of a run has him describe Zeus thus: "You wish to meet your uncle Zeus someday? Imagine me, with a luxurious white mane, without a modicum of self-control. That's your Zeus." Not only is this description pretty much spot-on, it implies that even Hades has to admit that his brother's beard is epic.
• One of Hades' new tricks during his Extreme Measures battle is the ability to throw and then dash to Gigaros, identical to the Bull Rush granted by Varatha's Aspect of Achilles. Gigaros counts as a projectile during this attack, meaning you can deflect it into the opposite corner of the arena. If you do so, Hades will awkwardly pirouette in place, frozen in his throwing pose like a music box figurine, before dashing over to his spear as normal.
• One Hades quote has him, in the most nonchalant tone ever, teaching Zagreus how to curse.
• Zagreus tries to teach Tisiphone a word that isn't "murder" or "murderer". It gets off to a rocky start:
  Zagreus: My name is Zagreus. Can you say that, Tisiphone? No murder. Zagreus!
  Tisiphone: Murr... derr... zerrr...
  Zagreus: Murderzer?!
  • Even after Tisiphone (eventually) learns to say Zagreus' name, he's thrilled and then starts asking if she can learn other words, like "happy". Only this time, Tisiphone doesn't even try to go along with his request.
• When wielding the Aspect of Hera, which makes the bow covered with skulls, talking to Artemis will have her comment on how fitting the decorations are given Hera's vengeful personality.
• In one dialogue exchange in Elysium boss stage, Zagreus immediately tells Theseus to shut up before he starts his blabbering and wants to hear from Asterius first, given how the former Athens king is so quick to opening his mouth.
• You can come across an interaction between Hypnos and Meg following a run in which you defeated Meg. It seems Hypnos has decided to give out some tips for how Meg can beat Zagreus next time. His advice? Essentially, it's "don't get hit." Meg snarkily warns Zagreus to watch himself since she knows the secret to beating him now.
• Ares calling Charon “foul boatman” in a tone of voice that is closer to admiration than disgust.

Post-Game

• What does Persephone do when she finally returns to the Underworld after so many years and is greeted by Hades and Cerberus at the gates? Why greet and pet Cerberus of course!
• After the game is completed and Persephone returns, subsequent escape attempts become formalities. With nothing left to argue over while they fight to the death, Zagreus and Hades chat/complain about mundane things such as how the trip up to the surface went, how the pillaging was, and why Zag can't devote even half as much effort to keeping his room clean.
  Hades: Why don't you clean your chambers so ferociously?
  Zagreus: What, so they could look like your boring chambers?
  Hades: You take that back about my chambers!
  Zagreus: They're boring, I say!
  • There's also one encounter where Zagreus and Hades are shouting passive aggressive greetings to one another, asking the other how they were while trying to kill each other.
• After the feast with the Olympians, Zagreus will apologize to Tisiphone that she couldn't attend, saying she probably wouldn't have liked the crowd, before correcting himself and noting she'd probably have liked Ares, as he seems the type to have committed a few murders.
• After the party, Zagreus can go inspect the empty wine amphoras in the lounge and remark:
  "They fought bravely, but lord Dionysus was too strong."
• Why wasn't Hypnos at the festivities during the big Olympian family reunion in the Underworld in the epilogue? He slept through the entire thing!
• When you face Theseus after the feast, and Persephone's presence in the Underworld is now public, Theseus boasts that he hopes she will grace the arena with her fearsome presence and watch Zagreus get clobbered. Zagreus tells him that he’s her son, and that he could put in a bad word of him to her. Theseus is appalled that the fiend would stoop so low in his plot against him.
• If you use the Sigil of the Dead, you can use Hades' Greater Call in place of the Olympians. Unlike Chthonic Companions that can't be used if the character is the boss (like using Meg's against herself), you can use Hades' Call against him! Hades' reactions are also hilarious:
  Zagreus: Father!
  Hades: I'm right here!

  Zagreus: Father!
  Hades: Son!

  Zagreus: Father!
  Hades: What?!

  Zagreus: Father!
  Hades: Oh, shut up!

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