History Funny / Hades

** The description for "Death and I" in the house contractor notes that Hades is fond of the tune.

-->'''Achilles:''' Yes, there are those who claim the onion has its place among the staples that a mortal ought to eat, deliberately, and with joy; for instance, they would say, the onion takes on different savor and consistency when put under the flame! [[SeriousBusiness But these are likely falsehoods to induce in us surpassing doubts, and make us weak. I would prefer to fade to nothingness far more than be required to consume one of those foul plants, which tainted too many a meal of mine while I was living, and goad me even now that I am dead]].

-->'''Hades:''' Cerberus, now!!!
-->'''Zagreus:''' Bad boy! Bad!
-->''cue Cerberus howling and running through the battlefield raining meteors all over it''

-->'''Thanatos, in a very bored voice:''' The Champion himself.

** (It's also a bit of ContinuitySnarl, or at least InUniverse ArtisticLicense, since dialog confirms that Than and Meg have both been doing their current "jobs" since before Zagreus was born. And assuming "[[LikeRealityUnlessNoted Like Mythology, Unless Noted]]", they're significantly older than Cerberus too.)

** (It's also a bit of ContinuitySnarl, or at least InUniverse ArtisticLicense, since Meg and Than should both be quite a bit older than either Zagreus or Cerberus.)

-->"If I ever get my hands of Daedalus again..."[[labelnote:Cause of death:]][[IcarusAllusion Flying Experiment]][[/labelnote]]

* Ares calling Charon “foul boatman” in a tone of voice that is [[Main/NightmareFetishist closer to admiration]] than disgust.

** What about the [[TheUnfought "boss"]] of the Temple of Styx? These appear after you [[FoodAsBribe give him]] a satyr sack treat:
--->CERBERUS VANQUISHED (NOT REALLY)
--->CERBERUS VANQUISHED (HE'S FINE)
--->CERBERUS VANQUISHED ([[YouBastard YOU DID THIS]])
--->CERBERUS ANNIHILATED (HIS APPETITE)
--->CERBERUS BRIBED (IT IS BRIBERY)
--->CERBERUS RAN AWAY (WHERE DID HE GO?)
--->CERBERUS [[NeverSayDie DESTROYED]] (HIS MEAL IN THREE BITES)
--->CERBERUS LEFT (HE WAS HUNGRY)
--->CERBERUS ABANDONED (HIS POST IN ORDER TO EAT)
--->CERBERUS DEVOURED (HIS SATYR SACK)

* As of ''The Blood Price'' update, there's a new {{optional boss}} that you can fight as early as Tartarus. It's Charon, who will [[ShopliftAndDie pick a fight with you if you steal the obol bag]] behind him. Even the background music does [[RecordNeedleScratch a record scratch sound]] to tell you just how bad of a idea that was. Of course, Zagreus has a very amusing line the first time you try this.

* If Zagreus commissions a portrait of himself (which will hang right next to his father's chamber door), Hades quips that he should have named him Narcissus.

!!In-Game
* Just the bosses alone result in great moments:
** After you've adjusted to the game a bit and have reached a level where you're able to consistently beat Megaera, one of the times when you ''do'' die after her will result into you seeing her shortly afterwards in the line of souls, in a very bad mood with Hypnos, whose NightmareFuelStationAttendant job of handing out advice on ways to avoid repeat returns means that he was compelled to try and give Meg advice on how not to get killed by Zagreus. After undoubtedly hearing his unwelcome and unhelpful advice in the reverse situation, it's kind of hilarious to see the shoe on the other foot.
** Beat the Hydra? One of Hades' post-boss lines will amuse you:
--->"How could you, boy? [[IHaveAFamily That Hydra had a family!]]"
*** This is made even funnier by the fact that Cerberus and Lernie are both the children of Typhon and Echidna, so yes, in fact, that Hydra ''does'' have a family.
** If you run into Asterius before making it to the end of Elysium for the first time, where Theseus waits, Zagreus wonders aloud who's stronger than him and asks if it's Heracles. Asterius refuses to tell him.
** Fighting Asterius one too many times leads one of Zag's comments to eventually get under his skin:
--->'''Asterius:''' You have returned to my chamber. I trust you know by now what this means.\\
'''Zagreus:''' [[SarcasmMode That I've challenged you to a battle for pride and glory because that's apparently all there is to do around here?]]\\
'''Asterius:''' That... ''[[ActuallyPrettyFunny *snort*]]'' Yes. That is essentially correct. Prepare.
** Zagreus' initial delight, and later exasperation, moving to complete and utter exhaustion, with the ever bombastic and mouthy Theseus, who keeps giving him a hell of a [[DualBoss double boss fight]] for no other reason than pride and that he wants to. The player will undoubtedly relate.
*** As the game goes on, it becomes more and more clear that Theseus's blustering is a mixture of his own wounded pride and [[{{Kayfabe}} him just acting to the crowd]]. Both Asterius and Zagreus are getting more and more annoyed by it with each escape attempt.
** What about the [[TheUnfought "boss"]] of the Temple of Styx? These appear after you [[FoodAsBribe give him]] a satyr sack treat:
--->CERBERUS VANQUISHED (NOT REALLY)
--->CERBERUS VANQUISHED (HE'S FINE)
--->CERBERUS VANQUISHED ([[YouBastard YOU DID THIS]])
--->CERBERUS ANNIHILATED (HIS APPETITE)
--->CERBERUS BRIBED (IT IS BRIBERY)
--->CERBERUS RAN AWAY (WHERE DID HE GO?)
--->CERBERUS [[NeverSayDie DESTROYED]] (HIS MEAL IN THREE BITES)
--->CERBERUS LEFT (HE WAS HUNGRY)
--->CERBERUS ABANDONED (HIS POST IN ORDER TO EAT)
--->CERBERUS DEVOURED (HIS SATYR SACK)
** Due to the game's unfinished nature during its Early Access days, actually beating the game and accessing the rest of the content required some ingenuity to excuse the player on not seeing the outside world and getting back to the starting point. "For now, pretend the Lord Hades absolutely clobbered him" was one such excuse. And among others, you may also see exaggerated accounts of how Zagreus died immediately after reaching the surface, such as "[[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes running into a brick wall painted to look like an exit]]" (and said absolutely deadpan, mind you, before playing the death animation). Other [[DeathAsComedy amusing post-game deaths]] include:
*** [[LookBothWays Being run over by a chariot]].
*** Smelling a flower Zagreus is allergic to.
*** Trying to make friends with a venomous snake.
*** Getting gored by an angry goat.
*** Slipping on an [[BananaPeel "Exotic yellow fruit of unknown origins"]].
*** [[RakeTake Stepping on a farm implement]] and smacking himself in the face.
*** Becoming bored to death by the mundanity of the surface world.
*** Stepping on a cactus.
*** Thinking about his previous deaths so hard he dies.
*** Learning the run was AllJustADream, but dying in it was real.
*** [[HairTriggerAvalanche Shouting into the mountains to hear the echo of his own voice, only to cause an avalanche that flattens him]].
*** Some other way [[UnreliableNarrator that is truly humiliating]], you'll just need to take the narrator's word for it.
*** [[RunningGag Killing Zagreus for thinking the Narrator has run out of ways to kill him.]]
*** Completing the game's story and making Persephone return also returns these messages, with the narrator evidently struggling after a while to think of another way Zagreus died, forcing Zagreus to awkwardly apologize to Persephone for being unable to get back to her farm and take care of the place like he promised.

** Initially equally confusing to Hypnos is making it past Hades and meeting Persephone following the game's exit from Early Access. Hypnos' list displays Zagreus' cause of death as ''Natural Causes'', something the often-snoozing god finds both odd and amusing. After all, just ''how in the hell'' can the heir of the Underworld itself die "like humans do"?
** An update in October 2020 changed the death animation of Zagreus for completing a run successfully after the epilogue of the story. After dying in whatever humiliating way he goes out this time, Zagreus is knocked backwards into the River Styx, but manages to resurface his arm long enough to flash the peace sign before sinking under.
* Once Zagreus gets to the Temple of Styx for the first time and sees Cerberus guarding the exit, he'll start talking to the dog in a tone of DontMakeMeDestroyYou as the music starts playing the boss theme… and then Zagreus [[IWasJustJoking laughs off his joke]] before gently asking Cerberus if he could save them both the trouble and just move out of the way.
* When Chaos notices Nyx’s lingering power around Zagreus, they realize the goddess is helping the prince. This causes Chaos, in their own emotionless way, to reminisce how Nyx used to shroud herself in darkness while Chaos would have fun trying to locate her. In other words, they used to play hide and seek.

* Food that refills Zag's hit points (that are sometimes available at Charon's Shop or from a boon effect) are represented with ''modern-day'' fast food; while gyros are at least fitting with the Greek setting, [[AnachronismStew the French fries that come with the gyros certainly aren't]].
** And apparently, Zag knows about the Five-Second Rule.
* Hypnos happens to be a big fan of Asterius, and if you die to the latter or to Theseus, he will keep asking you to get an autograph for him. What makes this hilarious is that after you face them enough times after dying several times to them[[note]]At least three times to Asterius, two times to Theseus and one time in the boss arena against both of them in all with Hypnos commenting on them.[[/note]], Zagreus will ''actually do this''. Asterius draws a li'l picture of a bull on it and everything. Of course, this is if you fight Asterius alone. Assuming you beat him and move on to face him with Theseus, the latter will boldly offer his own autograph, only for Zagreus to flatly turn him down.
* The Temple of Styx is a place wherein you go through several tunnels and either face a lot of enemies, or a miniboss at the end, trying to find the one that has a "Satyr Sack" in it. The same room will also have a much larger fountain within it along with the Sack and a reward, and the water is noticeably a rather concerning brownish colour. Tasting it will restore much more health than normal, but also apparently makes Zagreus want to gag, as he usually coughs and hacks while declaring [[BlatantLies how great it is]], or asks what's in it.
* What exactly is in the "Satyr Sack"? Well, sometimes, when you pick it up, it will squeak. Zagreus will remark that it's "still fresh", and one of the Cerberus messages outright says "The sack contains vermin."

* As of ''The Blood Price'' update, there's a new {{bonus boss}} that you can fight as early as Tartarus. It's Charon, who will [[ShopliftAndDie pick a fight with you if you steal the obol bag]] behind him. Even the background music does [[RecordNeedleScratch a record scratch sound]] to tell you just how bad of a idea that was. Of course, Zagreus has a very amusing line the first time you try this.

* If you use the Sigil of the Dead, you can use Hades' Greater Call in place of the Olympians. Unlike Chthonic Companions that can't be used if the character is the boss (like using Meg's against herself), you ''can'' use Hades' Call against him! Hades' reactions are also hilarious:
-->'''Zagreus:''' Father!
-->'''Hades:''' I'm right here!

-->'''Zagreus:''' Father!
-->'''Hades:''' Son!

-->'''Zagreus:''' Father!
-->'''Hades:''' [[BigWhat What?!]]

-->'''Zagreus:''' Father!
-->'''Hades:''' Oh, shut up!
* After the game is completed and Persephone returns, subsequent escape attempts become formalities. With nothing left to argue over while they fight to the death, Zagreus and Hades chat/complain about mundane things such as how the trip up to the surface went, how the pillaging was, and why Zag [[MenCantKeepHouse can't devote even half as much effort to keeping his room clean]].
-->'''Hades:''' Why don't you clean your chambers so ferociously?
-->'''Zagreus:''' What, so they could look like your boring chambers?
-->'''Hades:''' You take that back about my chambers!
-->'''Zagreus:''' They're boring, I say!
** There's also one encounter where Zagreus and Hades are shouting passive aggressive greetings to one another, asking the other how they were while trying to kill each other.

* If Zagreus purchases a rug for the House:
-->'''Zagreus:''' By my decree, this is not a house without this rug.\\
'''Hades:''' What have you done to my floor surfaces?
** [[AnInteriorDesignerIsYou Keep buying rugs. You know you want to.]] Why? This;
--->'''Hades:''' ''(exasperated)'' Oh, leave the blasted rugs alone for once..!
** Hades as a whole is hilariously petty about Zag's redecorating. He will be particularly disappointed at you if you buy a poster of Aphrodite, and be downright ''appalled'' if you install a disco ball in the lounge:
--->'''Hades:''' Blood and darkness, what have you done!
*** Even better, it's called a ''Prism Sphere, Revolving''. And you can get a ''Prism Sphere, Revol'''t'''ing'' to replace it, which is a giant ''skull'' plated with reflecting panels;
---->''Prism Sphere, Revolving:'' Reflects light in a vividly hypnotic pattern.\\
''Prism Sphere, Revolting:'' Reflects light in a frankly upsetting pattern.
* Zagreus on purchasing a scroll of [[ShamelessFanserviceGirl Aphrodite, who is noticeably always in the nude.]]
-->'''Zagreus:''' Hey, they're my bedchambers, I can buy whatever wallscrolls I want!
* Frankly, almost all of Hades' snark towards the redecorating could go here. About the only decorations Hades doesn't express disapproval or acrid snark over are [[NightmareFuelStationAttendant the particularly macabre such as bones and skeletons.]]

* What does Persephone do when she finally returns to the Underworld after so many years and is greeted by Hades and Cerberus at the gates? Why greet and pet Cerberus of course!
* If you pet Cerberus in front of Hades, he'll sometimes [[NotSoAboveItAll jokingly try to guilt trip Zagreus about it]], faux-dramatically moaning about Cerberus always being ''so upset'' when Zagreus leaves. Zag irritably asks that Hades leave the dog out of it.
* The mere existence of Exagryph. Remember Hestia? Goddess of the home, hearth, and familial love? The only major goddess with no famous enemies among the other Olympians, universally beloved, eternally gentle, humble, and kind? Would you perhaps be interested in borrowing her ''[[{{BFG}} cursed railgun from the dawn of time?]]''
** [[StealthPun It's the perfect home defence weapon.]]
* If Zagreus purchases a portrait of Cerberus for the east hall, he'll mention that said portrait will surely embarrass at least several workers of the house. How could a portrait of Cerberus do that? If you take a closer look, it doesn't just depict Cerberus — it depicts [[https://www.deviantart.com/jenzee/art/Cerberus-and-Tots-808955015 Than, Meg, and Zag as babies playing with Cerberus]]. The painting also doubles as a Heartwarming moment, considering how it depicts a huge, three-headed hound [[BigFriendlyDog happily playing with three babies]].

* Opening up the administrative chamber reveals a typical office room with filing cabinets, dozens of shades busy scribbling at desks, a modern-looking water cooler filled with water from the River Styx, and two {{Fauxtivational Poster}}s on the wall (one looking like your typical "hang in there" poster, the other featuring a cheerful looking ''Thanatos'', of all people). Examining either of the posters can have Zagreus attempt to motivate the shades with some rather lame inspirational speeches. Most of them will prompt ''every single shade in the room'' to [[LamePunReaction immediately respond]] with the [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe "-__-"]] emote.
-->"Together, we can achieve anything my father wants!"
-->"Some mortals don't believe in ghosts, but I believe in you!"
-->"Remember, work more intelligently rather than with more ferocity!"
-->"Sleep is for the living, am I right?"
-->"Remember: Hang in there!"
-->"Limitless work, limitless time, am I right?"
** If Thanatos is nearby and Zagreus enters the chambers, he'll sound absolutely baffled as he asks, "You're going back in there?" Then when you come back out, he'll jokingly say, "You made it."
* [[RunningGag Since there's no way of telling the time in the Underworld]], Hades mentions trying to commission a sundial, to no avail. Zagreus can actually buy one… and it's stuck at 7:48, since there's no sun (or rather, not one that ''moves''; Ixion's light is fixed in place).
-->''Tells time using Helios' flaming chariot (not included).''
* Dusa's relationship with Cerberus got off to a rough start because he confused her for a ball. She also apparently has to clean up after Cerberus'… droppings. Zagreus gives Dusa a sympathetic look.
* Hypnos is excited to hear that Persephone is Zagreus's mother because that means they have an absent mother [[CommonalityConnection in common]]. Zagreus rejects this line of reasoning.
** Later on, Hypnos is happy that Zagreus got another job because he thought Zagreus broke out and ransacked the Underworld due to him being mad that he got kicked out of the administrative job. When Zagreus pauses and asks Hypnos if that's ''really'' why he thought he had been trying to escape, Hypnos cheerfully replies with a "Yup!"

* When you face Theseus after the feast, and Persephone's presence in the Underworld is now public, Theseus boasts that he hopes she will grace the arena with her fearsome presence and watch Zagreus get clobbered. Zagreus tells him that he’s her son, and that he could put in a bad word of him to her. Theseus is appalled that the fiend would stoop so low in his plot against him.

* In a conversation with Thanatos about personal growth, he recalls how Zagreus used to try to incinerate Cerberus' tail with his feet. Zagreus likewise recalls their first conversation the two ever held, which apparently consisted of Zagreus telling Thanatos that he looked better before he cut his hair and the latter staring at Zagreus like he wanted to slice his head off. Evidently, Thanatos doesn't welcome critique on his appearance.
* In a rare dialogue when you're viewing upgrades at the House Contractor, Zagreus can make a joke about himself being made out of gems.

* One of Hades' quips if Zagreus enters a locked room is "You're out well past your curfew, boy." The lack of time in the Underworld makes it even funnier.
* When Hades and Zagreus talk about the workings of the Underworld, Hades would bring up the fact that Thanatos can't seem to be keeping up with the amount of mortals dying and crossing the realm of the dead. In a somewhat sincere tone, Zagreus then quickly suggests his father to send himself to the surface. Unfortunately for Zagreus, Hades easily catches on, knowing that Zag would just want to see his mother again. It's a funny yet touching scene of a father who's capable of reading the deeper intentions of his son's words.

* Hypnos isn't entirely there in his dialogue portrait, but in his chibi keepsake portrait, he looks high as all hell.
* So why wasn't Hypnos at the festivities during the big Olympian family reunion in the Underworld in the epilogue? He slept through the entire thing!
* "Pleasure doing business!" is Zagreus's usual remark whenever he buys or trades something from the [=NPCs=]. When his father became fed up at Zagreus's constant trips and interactions with the other Olympian gods, Zag gets called out on doing such "businesses". Upon hearing that allusion, Zag casually says "Pleasure doing business!" right back at his dad.

* After the feast with the Olympians, Zagreus will apologize to Tisiphone that she couldn't attend, saying she probably wouldn't have liked the crowd, before correcting himself and noting she'd probably have liked Ares, as he seems the type to have committed a few murders.
* After the party, Zagreus can go inspect the empty wine amphoras in the lounge and remark:
-->''"They fought bravely, but lord Dionysus was too strong."''

-->"You should have seen the other guy! Have you seen the other guy?[[labelnote:Cause of death:]]Brawl[[/labelnote]]

-->"If I ever get my hands of Daedalus again..."[[labelnote:Cause of death:]][[IcarusAllusion Airplane accident]][[/labelnote]]

* Zagreus tries to teach Tisiphone a word that isn't "murder" or "murderer". It gets off to a rocky start:

* After the feast with the Olympians, Zagreus will apologize to Tisiphone that she couldn't attend, saying she probably wouldn't have liked the crowd, before correcting himself and noting she'd probably have liked Ares, as he seems the type to have committed a few a murders.

** [[Main/UnusuallyUninterestingSight The fact that Zagreus doesn't seem perplexed by a voice in his head narrating most thing he does]].
* The Shades around the game have little bubbles of emotions showing how they're feeling towards Zagreus with each appearing at rather appropriate moments.
* The [[FanNickname "Hazard Eris"]] build. Taking Aspect of Eris for Adamant Rail lets you gets damage buff every time you stand in the blast of your Special Attack. Problem is Hazard Bomb damage and blast radius upgrade from Daedalus Hammer ''disable FriendlyFireproof.'' It's like juggling live grenades where the only way to play optimally and not kill yourself is to abuse your dash invincibility the entire run.
* The very idea of Chthonic Companions in general. You expect the things that can summon the dead, the Furies, the ''Grim Reaper and Cerberus'' to be some fancy-looking object like the keepsakes. Instead, they are ''plush toys''.

--->"How could you, boy? [[IHaveAFamily That Hydra had a family]]!"

'''Zagreus:''' [[SarcasmMode That I've challenged you to a battle for pride and glory because that's apparently all there is to do around here]]?\\

--->CERBERUS ABANDONNED (HIS POST IN ORDER TO EAT)

*** [[RunningGag Killing Zagreus for thinking the Narrator has run out of ways to kill him]].

** There is also a measure of amusement in that the only item or anything else that prevents spawns in the entire game is the one that stops Flame Wheels from spawning. For ''ten'' encounters, which means you probably won't see a Flame Wheel ever again that run.

* When you face Theseus after the feast, and Persephone's presence in the Underworld is now public, Theseus boasts that he hopes she will grace the arena with her fearsome presence and watch Zagreus get clobbered. Zagreus tells him that he is her son, and that he could put in a bad word of him to her. Theseus is appalled that the fiend would stoop so low in his plot against him.

* Zagreus can encounter a tiny vermin in the Temple of Styx and laugh at it. It turns out its proper name is "[[KingMook King]] [[KillerRabbit Vermin]]" and it’s literally a Boss. [[note]]Not a Mini-Boss that's just an EliteMook, an actual Boss with a name, lifebar, sinking-into-the-Styx death animation and "Boss Defeated" message.[[/note]]

** And if you kill it by triggering Demeter's Winter Harvest, the same animation used for Bosses (a glowing scythe will swing on top of the Boss, killing them instantly) will be used on the rat. Even an Olympian took that thing seriously enough to go all out into killing it.

* If you use the Sigil of the Dead, you can use Hades' Greater Call in place of the Olympians. Unlike Chthonic Companions that can't be used if the character is the Boss (like using Meg's against herself), you ''can'' use Hades' Call against him! Hades' reactions are also hilarious:

* If you use the Sigil of the Dead, you can use Hades' Greater Call in place of the Olympians. Unlike Chthonic Companions that can't be used if the character is the boss (like using Meg's against herself), you ''can'' use Hades' Call against him! Hades' reactions are also hilarious: