In the episode "Suns and Lovers," a religious fanatic is using herself as a homing beacon for a space storm (don't ask). She also happens to attach herself to a bulkhead aboard a Commerce Station, and is nondetachable in that state. The crew come up with an entertaining series of solutions to this problem:
Rygel, quite cross about the whole situation, is using his hover-throne to do a combination head-buttramming maneuver. While it doesn't dislodge the fanatic, it does seem to shake the room with every impact.
The crew figures out that the fanatic is somehow magnetized to stick to a particular type of metal, and find that one of the Cryo Tubes they are carrying is made from the same stuff, and is much bulkier than the pipe the fanatic is attached to. They roll it in, open the hatch, and wait for her to get pulled across the room, screaming, into the tube so they can cart her back to the ship to be disposed of later.
She changes her magnitism, with great difficulty, and escapes from the tube to stick to a bulkhead aboard Moya. Crichton, upon finding her, is completely unfazed, and while walking away notes that the bulkhead she is attached to is detachable. In a completely out of character moment, Pilot is shown cackling maniacally as he ejects her into space. Poor fanatic just can't catch a break.
Pilot doesn't get to entertain himself very often; he savors it when he can, man.
From the same episode, Aeryn and John discuss their UST. Aeryn suggests they resolve it, but John is hesitant (mind you, they're picking their way through a badly damaged space station trying to get to a group of survivors, so getting into Aeryn's uniform isn't his first priority at the moment). Aeryn, annoyed, turns to face him and unzips her top, demanding to know what he's afraid of. Cue the floor giving out beneath her and dropping Aeryn into another part of the station.
In "Season of Death" D'Argo warns Crichton, "Do not make me tongue you" sounds so perverted it's hilarious.
In a largely dark and depressing season finale, Farscape gives us this moment; following an attack by a psychotic Leviathan, power has gone out all over Moya, leaving Aeryn to perform repairs on her Prowler in the dark and without power tools. Her only available assistant is Jool AKA She of the Sonic Scream. As if things couldn't get any worse for Aeryn, Jool is dispensing unwanted advice as she is trying to concentrate.
Jool: In the short time I've known you, you've changed so much. Don't go backwards. Assassinating people? Seems like going backwards.
Aeryn: (Indicating a point in the prowler's engine) Can you melt that?
Jool: With what? There's no power yet.
(Aeryn turns around and sharply twists Jool's thumb; the resulting scream hits a sonic pitch, and the indicated point melts. Satisfied, Aeryn releases her.)
Aeryn: Thank you.
The climax of "Throne For A Loss," in which Crichton has to convince a gang of mercenaries that holding Rygel hostage is pointless.
Crichton: Look, Rygel is an obnoxious gas bag and who's gonna shell out for that?
Rygel: Swallow it? Yes, yes, which means you're going to have to take me back as I am or disembowel me here!
Crichton: Don't you tempt me, Fluffy.
Finally, Crichton ending his day by collapsing... and landing on Rygel.
Another funny Rygel moment was in "Till the Blood Runs Clear", where Zhaan is (literally) getting off on cosmic radiation, stripping down to enjoy it to the utmost. Rygel is quite uptight regarding her nudity and, when Zhaan reappears and forces his hands off his eyes, he drops this line.
Rygel: Help! Help! A mad Delvian exhibitionist is-is forcing herself on me, visually!
"The Flax" has a couple of great gems, both related to relationships. First, we get Crichton and Aeryn, on the verge of death, deciding to go Out with a Bang... only to be interrupted by D'Argo, who's understandably coy about the situation. They then return to the Zenatan ship where he'd tied up Staanz, the garbologist... who promptly delivers an Anguished Declaration of Love to D'Argo, saying that "everyone needs a mate" and revealing that the (apparently male) Staanz is actually the female of her species.
And the show finishes out with John asking Aeryn, "just to be certain... you are the female of your species, right?"
"Crackers Don't Matter." The parts of this episode that aren't terrifying are hilarious, particularly when Crichton's getting prepared to fight the Monster of the Week. This begins with having a chunky green substance smeared over his face:
Crichton: What the hell is this?
Zhaan: Heat-deflecting paste. You'll burn up in there without it.
Crichton: Smells like puke.
Zhaan: I pre-digested it to increase its potency.
Crichton: IT'S PUKE?!
The conclusion to this segment: Crichton is now dressed in a pair of goggles that have been soaked in Zhaan's puke, a cloak made of light-reflecting tarpaulin, and a tyre-sized cloaking device hanging from his neck. For additional protection, he has been given D'Argo's qualta blade and a shield made from a section of Aeryn's prowler. There is a pause, and then Crichton, humming "The Ride Of The Valkyries," strikes a Heroic Pose: without changing her expression, Aeryn remarks,
Ben Browder is clearly enjoying himself in the scene when he has everyone tied up.
Neeyala's breakdown when Zhaan blames her for everything that went wrong. So far Neeyala had been polite and calm even when threatened with a gun, but she just lost it -
Neeyala:What I have done? It is you who have destroyed my life's endeavour whilst I have suffered your probing, your confusions andyour smell! Do you not think that my bristles contain enough poison to dispatch you all? Yet, when I fail to overload what are clearly inferior intellects with a drist of needless information, you bring weapons to bear! Kill me if you will; see how you fare on your own!
And in A Clockwork Nebari, Crichton has just been given a very thorough mind-cleansing that is apparently supposed to deprive him of negative emotions, and wanders into Pilot's den in a daze:
Pilot: If you've also come to tell me what a wonderful thing the Nebari are doing for you, I am not interested!
Crichton: No, Pilot... I'm here to tell you that the Nebari ARE A BUNCH OF GEEKS!And their damn mind-cleansing doesn't work on Momma Crichton's baby boy! John Crichton! Astronaut! Master of the universe!
Later on in the same episode, Crichton goes looking for a less-than-cooperative Rygel in one of the cargo holds- holding a very large metal pole:
Crichton: Oh Ryyyyyygel? Where are you my little huskyyyy? I have a stick for youuuu! (He whistles loudly) Where are ya booooooy?
(From a box on one of the shelves, a loud fart echoes. Crichton approaches it.)
(He shoves the box off its shelf, and forces it open, revealing a very nervous Rygel.)
And Crichton pretending that the mind-cleansing was still working. Five words: New-Age Retro Hippie, man.
Varla: What are you doing?
Crichton: Oh, y'know Moya’s amnexus system is like, in flux, so I'm just sorta y'know, lookin' for the source.
Varla: Will that affect the safety and speed of this ship?
Crichton: Shyah! It'd totally screw the pooch, babe!
Varla: Very well, proceed. Thank you for your service.
Crichton: Kewl. It's for the greater good!
And in the same episode, Rygel had the following line:
Rygel: I am nobody's puppet!
From "Won't Get Fooled Again", in which such moments are myriad:
Crais: [wearing police uniform and red high-heels] Freeze! You're under arrest. You have the right to the remains of a silent attorney! If you cannot afford one, tough noogies! You can make one phone call. I recommend Trixie 976-555-LOVE. Do you understand these rights as I have explained them to you? Well, do you, punk?!
Crais: ...Then I can't arrest you!
More Officer Crais:
Crais: Have you any idea how much trouble you are in?
Just as you think it couldn't possibly be more disturbing, Rygel rises up from between Crichton's legs, and that's the least dirty way I could describe it. He's wearing a little leather gimp suit, complete with a flail, growling, "All of you bitches, out now! Crichton is mine," and makes that Hannibal Lecter snorfling sound. He then starts whipping Crichton, saying, "This is for calling me Sparky! And this is for Fluffy! And this is for Buckwheat, whatever that means."
As one might imagine from the examples, this episode was pretty much made from a combination of Crowning Moment of Funny and Nightmare Fuel, with a shockingly large overlap between them.
All the animated parts of "Revenging Angel": D'Argo is turned into a Butt Monkey,Aeryn does impressions, and what Crichton does with and to Harvey... *splorfle*.
Best part is when Cartoon-Aeryn is flipping through various pop culture women for Crichton's amusement. When John takes it too far (asking her to be Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct), she turns into a finger-waving Nancy Reagan:
Aeryn/Nancy: (With "Hail To The Chief" playing in the background) Johnny, just say...
(He whips out his pulse pistol and fires- only to see the bolt stop just a few inches away from Einstein's face.)
Einstein: (Turning away) Time.
Crichton: (To himself) Either stop pointin' guns at people or get a bigger gun.
In part II of the episode "Look At The Princess," Crichton is about to be frozen into a statue for 80 years. D'Argo gives him a good news/bad news pep talk just before the freezing process:
Crichton: Alright, gimme the bad news first.
D'Argo: The bad news is that you're married, and you must endure as a statue for 80 cycles in a strange world.
Crichton: So what's the good news?
D'Argo: (Deadpan) Chiana and I are having fantastic sex. (Crichton stares at him, then both start laughing)
Sikozu at her snarkiest: "As stupid as you must think them, the Scarrans have managed to build one of the most extensive empires in the galaxy, in part - and I shall repeat this because it does not seem to sink in - by not advertising the location of their secret bases."
Scorpius used as an invincible human shield, and Crichton acknowledging the Foe Yay:
Crichton: That's a damn nice set of body armor, does that come in blue? What the hell did you do when you left the fatherland? Steal the goose that lays the golden egg?
Scorpius: (Ruefully) Deserted my post.
Crichton: What? For little ol' me? It's amazing what a man will do when he's in love!
There is a monster on board Moya and John manages to get it out by going "Baaa" and taunting it. The highlight of this? Chrichton advertising his BUTT as "Grade A PRIME AMERICAN BEEF!!!"
Actually, this was another Leviathan (Elack), on which Crichton spent some time alone (not counting Elack's Pilot and DRD 1812), as we learn in the said episode, "Crichton Kicks".
In the same episode:
Crichton (to the bad guys): NOH! PAV'HOR! HERRUCH'T!
Sikozu: *Is VERY confused*
Crichton: You didn't get that one did you...'cause it's Klingon!
Season 1, episode 6, "Thank God It's Friday... Again." After meeting the local leader on Sykar, Aeryn has a very interesting comment.
Aeryn: She gives me a woody. (Looks at an obviously disturbed Crichton.) What? It's a human saying. You say it all the time. When you don't trust someone or when you feel uncomfortable with a situation.
Crichton, relieved: Willies. She gives you the willies.
Then again, the difference between a woody and a willy is only a matter of degree.
Aeryn's bright comment on a bad guy saying that John is insane. "I know, isn't it fun?"
No mention of "Thanks for Sharing?" Moya and company are seeking a medicinal compound for leviathans, and find a planet whose ruler is dying. The ruler's son has given the heroes no shortage of trouble and Crichton has finally had enough. He and D'Argo storm the palace and exact a little justice:
Crichton: Hey! You been screwin' me from the beginning!
D'Argo: (blocking a guard) Ah-ah!
Crichton: (continuing) You've been screwing everybody, even been screwing your sister! (Pins him to a table with a gun to his head) You been lyin' to your daddy, boy, and you know you shouldn't lie to your daddy! That's gonna stop! Who's your daddy? ...C'mon, you know who your daddy is, who's your daddy? D'Argo, tell him who his daddy is!
D'Argo:I'm your daddy.
In the same episode, the royal family employs a type of vaguely crustacean-looking alien symbiot as a living lie detector that, when placed on the head of an interrogation subject, will pick up on brain waves and kill them if they're not telling the truth (it does this by jamming a big, nasty-looking spiked tail right between their eyes). To get the king to believe him, Crichton, who is currently one of two copies of himself - the other copy was the one who committed the crimes of which this copy is being accused, so he can say he didn't do anything wrong and technically not be lying, walks over to the tank, picks the critter up, delivers his testimony followed by "That IS...the truth." and then unleashes a line that had me on the floor laughing.
Crichton: Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head!
Lie-Lobster: *noise that sounds halfway between a squeak and high-pitched giggling*
In the first part of "Self-Inflicted Wounds," Moya ends up colliding with the Pathfinder vessel and tumbling into a wormhole. Understandably, Pilot is having a lot of trouble adapting to the stimuli- allowing for a very funny moment in a pretty dark episode:
Pilot: (bewildered) I don't know what's wrong! I don't know what's happening to us!
D'Argo: All right, just calm down, Pilot, and tell us how you feel.
Pilot: Well, I feel-
(He suddenly groans loudly and pukes a thick stream of green vomit all over his console, Stark's unsuspecting face, and D'Argo's shirt. Both of them yelp in disgust and shock.)
D'Argo: I had no idea he could do that!
Stark: (revolted) I had no idea anyone could do that!
Pilot: (delirious) I apologize... colors... lights... sensations... this region of space... I cannot function under the bombardments...
Stark: (looking as if he's about to puke) Can we isolate you from the stimuli?
(He vomits again, coating Stark and the console with more green puke.)
In the episode "Meltdown," gas leaked by Talyn takes everyone's prevailing traits and dials it up to eleven. Stark as usual tries to save someone by accidentally almost killing everyone and then goes catatonic, Crais becomes even more paranoid and controlling than normal, Rygel begins eating everything in sight (to the point he begs others to stop him), and John and Aeryn become incredibly horny for each other. For instance, when Aeryn enters a room John breaks off mid-sentence and says "Hey, baby, how you doin'?"
When Crais demanded that Aeryn give him a gun, since he couldn't find his. (He was holding it the entire time.) She laughs at him and walks away.
The sadness is slightly relieved by D'Argo taking the entire list at face value and saying "But you may never see any of these people again anyway". Crichton just gives him this Look.
Pretty much the whole episode "Out of Their Minds," particularly the early scenes where everyone is just completely freaked out at being in the wrong bodies ("It's the Three freaking Stooges! I'm hitting myself!") and John taking undue advantage of being in Aeryn's body, with Claudia Black's amazing impression of Ben Browder's laugh.
"Have we sent the 'Don't shoot us, we're pathetic' signal yet?"
Liars, Guns, and Money: Rygel has finally succeeded in killing Durka, his former Peacekeeper tormentor, and has taken to carrying Durka's head on a pike as a trophy. This comes to a head (no pun intended) in the midst of an argument between Moya's crew and a group of bounty hunters they're hiring to rob the Uncharted Territories' equivalent of a mafia-run bank.
Rorf: What are you doing with that head?
Rygel: He's an old enemy. (grinning with satisfaction) I like that he doesn't talk back.
As part of a long-running game of Break the Haughty, Jool ends up getting shot in the arm with an arrow in "Different Destinations." Then one of the nurses is kind enough to give her an anesthetic, which she drinks with a very strange bubbling noise. And then...
Jool: At least maybe now I won't die of shock. The bitch just shoved the arrow right through! She- (her eyes roll slightly.) Oh hello... Heska...
Kelsa: (prodding Jool's bandaged arm) Do you feel this?
Jool: Nothing - (she slaps the wound in amazement) Look! This is great! I've got to get some of this to bring home! What is it?
Most of "Kansas" with the crew on Earth, in the 80s, misunderstandings including whether sugar is a narcotic, John's younger self losing his virginity to Chiana, and the very limited English they can use from Sesame Street.
Particularly Claudia Black's delivery of "This girl is slow."
And apparently, sugar is a narcotic - humans are just too laid back(at least compared to Peacekeepers) to ban it. To aliens who are not used to being able to pick up hundreds of calories in the palm of their hand? Alien Catnip. The prosecution submits Exhibit A: Rygel with a sugar high.
In "Die Me Dichotomy," when Diagnosan Tocot- whose language is too complicated for translator microbes- tries to inform Stark he needs to step away from the operating table. Stark, of course, doesn't understand, so the serene and kindly doctor resorts to prodding Stark violently in the chest to get him to move.
Crichton's deadpan commentary to Tocot's surgery.
(Tocot is about to take a look at his brain) Just be sure he puts the KY on the glove.
(When the neural chip turns out to a massive network of roots digging into his brain) You're gonna tell me my health plan doesn't cover this, right?
D'Argo, Stark and Pilot getting stoned on the anaesthetic mist being used on Moya.
Chiana: Pilot, you're high, okay?
Pilot: I am no higher in life than I've even been; my position is fixed!
Jool's That Came Out Wrong moment in "Fractures", when Moya's crew are awaiting the return of Talyn's crew (and they don't yet know that the other Crichton has died):
From the same episode, John is eagerly awaiting to reunite with Aeryn, and trying to decide which color of shirt he would wear. John asks D'argo which one, black or green. D'argo is initially unconcerned, but eventually breaks, telling John the black one and adding that he never thought the green one complimented the shape of his body.
This gem from "Losing Time":
(Pilot is being possessed by Tallip)
Jool:(to D'Argo; panicked) Shoot him! Shoot him now! You're the warrior, shoot him now!
D'Argo: Alright, with what?! My nose?
From the same episode:
D'Argo: Girls, we'll all sit down and watch John. Off we go...
Chiana: What if I have to piss?
D'Argo: Well then, we will all urinate together.
Chiana:(almost too eagerly) You promise?
Many of the scenes on "Yellow" Moya in "Through the Looking Glass", given that it causes everyone inhabiting this dimension to dissolve into helpless fits of laughter and Rygel to start cracking jokes.
Crichton: I gotta get outta here before I end up like you!
Rygel: What? Handsome with a great sexual prowess?
In "Look at the Princess: I Do, I Think" Cargn has just finished interrogating Prince Clavor, using his Scarran Heat Probe, before turning his attention to Jenavian, Clavor's fiancée:
Cargn: As I interrogated your loving fiancé, what was going through your delicate little mind?
Earlier in the episode, there's D'Argo's dancing. Everyone else is swaying seductively (especially Chiana), but D'Argo? His dancing can best be described as "moshing".
In "Thanks For Sharing", Crais and Jool's introduction goes very, very badly. Crais, having immediately woken up from a coma, grabs the unfamiliar Jool by the throat, who, in response frantically grabs an enormous syringe, and slams it right into Crais' leg. When Crichton comes to see what all the commotion is about:
Jool: There. I woke him up. (she savagely yanks the syringe out) Now I hope he drops dead.
The moment in "We're So Screwed, Part II: Hot to Katratzi" where Chiana finds out - painfully - that Scarrans have Balls of Steel:
Chiana: Let me ask you somethin'. You short-faced Scarrans - you all look alike, y'know? But uh - were you - Were you uh - down- down on the border station?
Chiana: Then you were the one that uh - that ordered Aeryn and me to be cut open? (Jenek nods) Yeah. I got another one for ya - do Scarrans have mivonks? (without waiting for an answer, she instantly knees Jenek in the groin... and collapses to the floor, clutching her knee in pain.)
Jenek:(as a fellow Scarran snorts with laughter nearby) Yes. But they're not external.
In "I Shrink Therefore I Am," when Crichton gives Scorpius a rifle to help fend off the bounty hunters. Scorpy gets the drop on one and pulls the trigger...only to have it fizzle out and shut down. He has just enough time to drop the rifle, turn to Crichton, and give a totally deadpan "Thank you, John" before the bounty hunter shoots him.
In "Eat Me" Chiana is goading Jool into hitting her as part of Jool's Break the Haughty. Finally Jool snaps and punches her in the face. Chiana is completely unfazed while Jool falls to her knees and clutches her hand.
In "Natural Election" D'Argo is about to fire his ship's cannon when he says to John, "John, I'm going to tell you something I've never actually put into words before. I love shooting things."
At the end of 'Bad Timing', Aeryn and John are out in a boat and Aeryn reveals she had her baby released from stasis, and it's John's. John reacts excitedly, and proposes (which he was planning on doing anyways). This is a great, heartwarming scene, that could of stood on its own as a great end to the show. However, because this is Farscape, things are not that simple. Throughout the scene, D'Argo, Rygel, and Chiana watch them from Moya while narrating their thoughts on the situation to a blind Chiana.
John:We're gonna have a BABY!!!!
Chiana: What's happening?
D'Argo: Now John looks VERY angry.
John: (Gets down on his knee) Aeryn, will you marry me?
D'Argo: Now Crichton's on his knee.
Rygel: I think he's hurt himself.
Of course, the blind Chiana is the one to figure out what's really happening.
Any time D'Argo uses his tongue on someone is hilarious, purely because of how unexpected it always is.
"Look At The Princess", Part I, Crichton and Aeryn end up kissing in the cockpit of his ship. As it starts to get a bit hot and heavy, Aeryn breaks off, with such an abrupt and intense reaction that it involves blasting the canopy off like Crichton did in the pilot episode when the thing was on fire.