Fanfic / Bart Simpson and the Boy-Who-Lived

Art by Hina Artist.

Ride with Bart...
and discover...
HARRY, HERMIONE AND RON HANGING ON TIGHT!
PRANKS, STUNTS, AND SASS GALORE!
A GREY LOOK INTO A DARK HOUSE!
COPIOUS CUNNING AND AMBITION!
PERILS POSED BY BIGOTRY!
BAD TEACHERS BREAKING OUT IN BOILS!
And most of all...
AN ANTI-HERO SHOOTING FOR THE STARS!

Bart Simpson and the Boy-Who-Lived is a Crossover between The Simpsons and Harry Potter by DaRick89.

Bart and Lisa are revealed to be capable of magic, but when Bart is (very) quickly expelled from the primary American institute, Ilvermorny, after a disastrous event involving a flying broom and the school's headmaster, he is ultimately sent to Hogwarts the same year that Harry Potter is. Sorted into Slytherin House, Bart's status as a Muggleborn makes him the target of prejudiced housemates, but the little hellion is determined to fight back—with both his talent for pranks and his growing circle of friends, some of whom are most intrigued by his magical talents, even as they are utterly baffled by the weirdness that only a Simpson can bring to their lives.

But more than that, Bart will also have to face legitimate peril beyond school antics, largely due to a combination of his typical behavior and his decision to associate with a certain Boy-Who-Lived. But, being the rambunctious, adventurous brat that he is, Bart isn't going to let that get him down.

Currently at the tail-end of the second book (Underneath Slytherin's Surface), it can be read here.

This fanfic contains examples of:

• Adaptational Badass: Slytherin's Basilisk is immune to the crowing of a rooster in this fic.
• Adaptational Expansion:
  • Instead of rigging a single Bludger to go after Harry in the hopes that the injuries it inflicts will compel him to leave Hogwarts during the '92-'93 school year, Dobby rigs both Bludgers to attack Harry and Bart, the Quaffle to attack Gemma, and the Snitch to attack Ron.
  • Three Ravenclaws - Anthony Goldstein, Terry Boot and Sue Li - become involved in solving the mystery when Penelope Clearwater is petrified, to the point where they also visit the Forbidden Forest.
• Adaptational Intelligence:
  • Rather than run the risk of assuming that the Mirror of Erised can protect the Philosopher's Stone from Voldemort (or anyone else), Dumbledore places a decoy stone inside the mirror and keeps the real one in his desk.
  • He also lures Gilderoy Lockhart to a publicity stunt and tricks him into confessing to his crimes in front of the Aurors by spiking his drink with Veritaserum rather than have him teach at Hogwarts.
  • In the second book, he lures Lucius Malfoy into a trap and has him arrested for conspiracy to murder, rather than simply letting him off with a warning for planting Tom Riddle's diary on Ginny Weasley.
• Adaptational Karma: Lucius Malfoy gets arrested for his crimes instead of simply being sacked as a school governor (and losing a slave) at the end of Book 2.
• Affably Evil:
  • Merula Snyde is a former Slytherin with connections to the Death Eaters and who's on good terms with the Malfoys, but she's also secretly friendly towards the Weasleys. When she figures out that Harry eavesdropped on her conversation with Narcissa, she just erases his memory of it and sends him on his way.
  • Merula's cohort Barnaby is even friendlier than her: after Barnaby disarms Harry, he jovially returns the boy's wand to him.
• All for Nothing: The Philosopher's Stone inside the Mirror of Erised turns out to be a decoy, much to Bart's dismay.
• Ambition Is Evil:
  • Averted with Bart himself. He certainly wants to become successful, but there's no indication that his ambitions are designed to hurt anybody.
  • Played with regarding Gemma Farley, Daphne Greengrass, and Tracey Davis. They each want to increase their respective family's social status, and see Bart as the key to doing that. It's at the expense of the Malfoys, though.
• Arch-Enemy: Bart and Draco Malfoy absolutely despise one another, and snipe at each other at every opportunity.
• Ascended Extra:
  • Gemma Farley was a Slytherin Prefect during Harry's first year at Hogwarts, but was never mentioned (by name or otherwise) in-story. Here, she's a central character.
  • Same goes for Daphne Greengrass and Tracey Davis, both of whom got name-dropped a few times but never impacted the plot nor had any lines of dialogue in canon.
• Book Dumb: Averted, surprisingly. Bart actually does read a lot about magic in order to further his skills, and while he's not incredibly studious, he does manage to pass all of his classes. Gemma, who knows he can do better, manipulates him into trying harder, so his grades will undoubtedly pick up in the future.
• Book Ends: Bart and Gemma watch the original Star Wars trilogy through Book 2, wrapping it up in the last chapter.
• Borrowed Catchphrase: Fred and George Weasley use Nelson Muntz' Signature Laugh when Bart moons Malfoy, even pointing at him as they do so.
• Brain Bleach: When Snape tries to use Legilimency on Bart, the latter notices and dredges up unpleasant memories to deter the Potions Master from trying again.
• Brick Joke: Bart says he needs to get more exam tips from the centaurs at the end of Book 1 - he does in Book 2!
• Character Development:
  • Gemma initially only saw Bart as nothing more than an investment, a means to increase her family's standing. And while she still plans to do that, she grows legitimately fond of him over time.
  • Ron Weasley's attitude towards Bart progresses from complete contempt to mere dislike. He eventually addresses him by his first name and thanks him for saving his sister's life.
• Chekhov's Skill: Bart's ballet dancing serves him well in magic duels.
• Chick Magnet: Downplayed with Bart. Almost all of his friends at Hogwarts are girls, but none of them have expressed romantic interest in him (yet).
• Child Prodigy: Bart is a First Year at Hogwarts, and yet he can cast non-verbal and even wandless spells, the latter being what gets Gemma's attention. He also gets some training in Occlumency.
• Comically Missing the Point: In Book 2, Bart finds out that Dumbledore has been offering potions to students - so he concludes that Dumbledore is a drug dealer.
• Continuity Nod: Bart's ability to speak French gets brought up when Marge suggests sending him to Beauxbatons.
• Cool Car:
  • Bart drives an Aston Martin V8 to Hogwarts during his second year, which he nicknames The Green Machine.
  • Bart later drives the car into the Forbidden Forest before using it to decimate the Acromantula colony.
• Cool Old Guy: Headmaster Dumbledore is ever friendly and patient with Bart, though he does make a point to keep the boy under surveillance.
• Corporal Punishment: A variation. Gemma can't give Bart an actual spanking while they're at Hogwarts, as the school forbids it, so she hits him in the ass with a Stinging Charm.
• Crazy-Prepared:
  • Gemma teaches Bart Occlumency so that Dumbledore and Snape will have a harder time getting inside his head (and thus, damage her influence over him), and also warns him not to look them in the eye.
  • When Violet Parkinson dropped the Riddle Diary in Ginny Wesley's cauldron, she cast a Silencing Charm upon it beforehand to ensure no one heard the thunk.
• Curb-Stomp Battle: In Book 2, Malfoy ambushes Gemma together with some other junior Slytherins. Gemma knees him in the crotch and uses him as a shield before mopping the floor with the rest of them.
• Deadpan Snarker: Bart, Lisa, Gemma, and Daphne are all quite sharp-tongued.
• Deal with the Devil: Willy Widdershins was instructed by Lucius Malfoy to kill Ginny Weasley if she survived her encounter with the Diary Horcrux, in exchange for having his debts paid off, with the added caveat of being obliged to make an Unbreakable Vow not to out Lucius if he was ever caught.
• Death by Adaptation: Filch is brutally killed by the Basilisk in Book 2.
• Death Glare: Gemma can dredge up quite a scary one.
• Deliberate Values Dissonance: When Bart learns about the House Elf system, he feels a little uneasy at first, but then decides "Different strokes for different folks."
• Did Not See That Coming: Bart did not expect Hermione to admit that she doesn't want him to get expelled. When he asks why, she admits it's because she can tell he isn't a complete jerk like most Slytherins.
• Dumb Blonde: Averted. Bart is easily distracted and not very studious, but he passes all of his courses. Gemma, who knows he can do better, urges him to try harder.
• Dynamic Entry: Bart arrives at Hogwarts for his second year by driving an Aston Martin V8 into the Great Hall—blasting Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" at full volume, to boot!
• Enfante Terrible: Bart is a rambunctious, irreverent, and occasionally destructive prankster. He does have his limits, though.
• Engineered Public Confession: Gilderoy Lockhart is tricked into drinking tea spiked with Veritaserum, which causes him to publicly admit that he is a fraud who took credit for the heroic deeds of other people while also erasing their memories to keep them from talking. His career is destroyed and he is swiftly arrested.
• Entertainingly Wrong: Bart learns that Dobby is the Malfoys' house elf and concludes that Draco sent Dobby to prevent him and Harry from returning to Hogwarts out of spite. It's not a bad deduction, but it is inaccurate.
• Et Tu, Brute?: Harry is devastated when Voldemort reveals that Bart wanted the Philosopher's Stone for himself.
• Eviler than Thou: Homer isn't exactly the world's greatest dad, but he's nothing compared to the Dursleys.
• Excrement Statement: Bart's owl, Balthazar, enjoys crapping down his master's shirt just to agitate him.
• Fair-Weather Friend: Ron is initially friendly towards Bart, but then regards him as an enemy after Bart is Sorted into Slytherin. He becomes downright paranoid when Harry and Hermione don't share his strident prejudice, even making accusations and storming off at one point after reducing Hermione to tears. Harry even declares that he won't consider Ron a friend anymore if he doesn't knock it off. Subverted when Ron returns to help Bart, Harry and Hermione seize the Philosopher's Stone before Voldemort can steal it.
• Fantastic Racism:
  • Bart being a Muggleborn Slytherin causes him serious problems with his housemates, most of whom are Pureblood supremacists or pretend to be in order to suck up to rich Purebloods like the Malfoys. Draco Malfoy himself considers Bart's Sorting to be a personal insult and tries to put him down anyway he can, but is repeatedly outsmarted or thwarted by Gemma.
  • Ron Weasley is stubbornly prejudiced against Slytherin, to the point of treating Bart with contempt simply because he's in Slytherin. Even the fact that Bart openly hates Draco Malfoy does nothing to hamper this; and when Hermione calls him out on his prejudice, Ron lashes out at her, accusing her of being pro-Slytherin and refusing to apologize when Harry berates him for it. However, he softens his attitude towards Bart later on.
  • Bart and Lisa were subjected to prejudice from fellow Springfielders, according to Bart: Ned Flanders would try to perform an exorcism, and they were nearly burned at the stake by Reverend Lovejoy.
• Faux Affably Evil: Violet Parkinson, Pansy's mother, is an icy bitch whose words are always polite, but the venom behind them is scarcely concealed.
• Foil:
  • Bart and Voldemort. Both come from backwater towns, have rather unimpressive families (bonus points for both Homer and Marvolo—Voldemort's grandfather—resembling and acting like ill-tempered monkeys), incredible magical talent, a disregard for the rules, a penchant for manipulation, high charisma, and are ambitious. However, Voldemort is all too willing to frame others for his misdeeds if it suits his purposes, whereas Bart draws the line at doing that, particularly if it's someone he has nothing against personally; Voldemort doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself and sees his minions as entirely disposable pawns, while Bart is perfectly capable of caring about others and making actual friends; Voldemort was studious during his years at Hogwarts, while Bart is content to use his magic for the sake of simple mischief; and Voldemort is utterly remorseless, whereas Bart has a conscience.
  • Bart serves as one to Draco Malfoy, as well: both are blonde jerks with a sizable contempt for the rules, a love of Quidditch, high ambition, and a penchant for showing off. However, Malfoy is a rich, spoiled snob who thinks his wealth and connections make him untouchable, is rather cowardly, lacks any moral scruples, and ultimately can't back up his boasts; Bart comes from a working-class family who pulls pranks simply because he enjoys it, is not afraid to pick a fight, has a hidden softer side, and can walk his talk.
• Groin Attack: During a practice duel with Gemma, Bart casts a spell that gives her a rash around her crotch. After she collapses, he approaches her, when she suddenly grabs his testicles and tells him to never let his guard down.
• Hero of Another Story: Seraphinus Boot, at Ilvermorny.
• Idiot Ball: Harry thinks it's a good idea to take Fang, Ron and three Ravenclaws into the Forbidden Forest, much to Gemma's displeasure.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Bart is a mischievous, destructive prankster, but he can also be a loyal friend, has nothing but contempt for bullies, and he will not let someone else take the fall for his actions if it stands to ruin their future prospects.
• Likes Older Women: Bart has a crush on Gemma, who's four years older than him.
• Malicious Misnaming: Bart repeatedly refers to Draco Malfoy by various nicknames just to stick it to him, his favorite being "Draino". He later dubs Pansy Parkinson "Pants Down", much to Gemma's amusement.
• Manipulative Bitch: Gemma, Daphne, and Tracey all want influence over Bart so they can use his talents for their own ends. That they all eventually come to regard him as a legitimate friend does little to hamper that.
• Mooning: It wouldn't be a Simpsons story centered around Bart without him dropping his pants at least once. In this case, he moons Draco Malfoy in Book 2 in retaliation for the latter (supposedly) sending Dobby to harass him.
• Mythology Gag:
  • The ending of Book 1 was based on the ending of Lisa on Ice, namely Gryffindor and Slytherin tie for the House Cup, causing a fight to break out between both Houses at the Quidditch Pitch. Bart wants to join in, but Gemma drags him away by his ear.
  • What's the first message that Bart sends Gemma to test their method of long-distance communication? Learn to Fart.
  • In Book 2, Bart nearly causes a teachers' strike in order to force the school governors to get Dumbledore back.
• Nice to the Waiter: The Farleys are cordial towards, if not downright casual with, their house elf.
• No-Sell: Professor Snape attempts to psyche Bart out during the latter's first Potions class, but Bart, having been subjected to this kind of treatment multiple times by Mrs. Krabappel, is unfazed and answers both of his questions without flinching.
• Not Me This Time: In "The Flying Cauldron", Malfoy pulls a massive prank on Bart, which nearly gets the boy expelled since so many people assume he did it. Gemma only refrains from punishing him because her father uses Legilimency to confirm Bart's innocence; and Snape concludes that Neville did it by accident.
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Gilderoy Lockhart's public confession that he is a crook and fraud is so pathetic and hilarious that even Snape can't resist laughing at him.
• Original Character:
  • Averted for the most part, as the Farleys did exist in the HP canon, though it's never confirmed if Jake and Bella are married or already related, nor if Gemma is their daughter.
  • The same applies to Merula Snyde and her cohorts, all of whom appeared in Hogwarts Mystery. Even the part about Merula babysitting Draco Malfoy and calling him "Spawn" is canon.
  • Also averted with Filch's replacement, Willy Widdershins.
  • Played straight with Pansy Parkinson's mother, Violet, whose name was never revealed in canon.
  • Also played straight with Daphne Greengrass' mother (Roxanne) and father (Cyrus), Tracey Davis' father (Julius), and Travers' son (Langdon).
• Pet the Dog: When Harry and Hermione get into an argument with Ron about Bart, Madame Pince shows up after Ron leaves to tell them off, but when she sees Harry comforting a crying Hermione, she simply walks off instead of butting in.
• Plot-Relevant Age-Up: Bart was (implied to be) born on 1 April 1982, so he should be roughly two years younger than Harry. The story makes them the same age out of convenience.
• Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure: Averted with Voldemort, who knows of Michael Jackson and Captain Hook.
• Pragmatic Villainy: The Springfield Mafia don't express prejudice against Bart for being a wizard, not because they lack it, but because he's willing to use his magic to their benefit.
• Quality vs. Quantity: At the end of Book 1, Malfoy tries to ambush Bart with a bunch of other Slytherins. Bart catches wind of the ambush and summons Gemma to help him, and they stomp the group together.
• Reasonable Authority Figure:
  • Most of the Hogwarts Staff are this, with Snape being the exception.
  • Jake Farley may be a bit snobbish, but he's a competent teacher in his own right and isn't as discriminatory as Snape.
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: Bart is the "white-hot Mercury" to Harry's "cooler Mars", to paraphrase the author.
• Refuge in Audacity: Bart lives on this trope, but the most notable example is when he, Jake Farley and the Farley house-elf steal an Aston Martin V8 in broad daylight - and nobody spots them!
• The Resenter: Ron begins to resent Bart, first because he's a Slytherin, and then because he manages to befriend Harry and pal around with wealthy Purebloods like the Farleys.
• Secret-Keeper: Dumbledore has the five students who fought the Basilisk and the Diary Horcrux sign a nondisclosure agreement regarding Voldemort's true identity, as he feels few would believe them and Voldemort's supporters might send assassins after them.
• Secret Test of Character: When Bart pulls a destructive prank on everyone but Gryffindor, the Weasley Twins are blamed for it and are threatened with expulsion. Rather than just let them take the fall, Bart is horrified and immediately confesses to the prank to Dumbledore. It turns out Dumbledore knew all along that Bart was responsible and wanted to see if the boy had a conscience, or was just a talented sociopath like Voldemort.
• Take a Third Option: When Snape gives Bart two questions that he knows the boy can't answer out of spite, Bart, rather than make a random guess or admit he doesn't know, gives a creative answer that is technically not incorrect for the first one and manages to answer the second question correctly, surprising the Potions Master.
• Title Drop: In Chapter 14 of Book 2.
• Toilet Humor:
  • Bart's owl, Balthazar, routinely craps on him.
  • Bart flatulates as he's being led to the Great Hall.
  • Bart sends Gemma a test message that says "Learn to Fart", to her annoyance.
  • When Bart and Jake Farley nearly run over a peacock, it panics and shits on the car's roof. They both laugh and Jake quickly removes it with Scourgify.
• You Remind Me of X:
  • Hermione Granger reminds Bart of Lisa, so he is initially contemptuous of her. Then Hermione admits her lack of malice towards him and his stance towards her softens.
  • Bart reminds Dumbledore of Voldemort, to the point of where he keeps the boy under constant scrutiny.