Badfic Fetish has a thing for Stand My Ground (No, not that way!)

DA?

deviantart

Ahh, I see. I don't really go there. Actually, I'm expecting more work (of the school kind, I'm taking online courses) in the near future, so I can only help you with this fic.

oh, alright, speaking of which, a new chapter is coming up today

Where is it?

sorry, I had some computer trouble, its up now.

It's okay. That said, I'm not going to be available for the first two weeks of August. Schoolwork, you know. I can still drop by Tv.Tropes, but only to check for new posts on this thread and others.

Anyway...

Capter 14

The Parody travesty begins with Linda and the group coming back to school despite still being Goffik Enemy #1. They actually tried to learn (I am not making this up), but Draco (who had been returned from bondage by an unsatisfied Voldemort)was Not Himslef and wuz actin all perverted to the gurlz and lookin in dere dresses frum undernieth. As only she is allowed to act perverted!

Lidna kneew it was naught Draco, and so did Vampire. But then Vampire disapeared in a puff of bad guy smoke, kidnaped by...DUMBLIDOR'S ALZHEIMERS! Oh, no, more Bondage!

Linda gets a panic attack and slits her wrists instead of planning a rescue, but gets better. She then goes to Dracola who was drinking a coca cola. (coca cola roks, fuk u scintists who say itz bad 4 u.) Fuk U too, Linda. Or Not.

But then thu meen lady showd up. And she had a knife! It wuz Joan Huh? , whu sed, "U Must Be a preppy, so sayeth the Preppy!"

And then preppies marched forward, holding up a Preppy Alligator who was a giant alligator and it sang the preppy song that ends the world. Unless it means that the real Harry Potter characters are getting free, this is a bad thing.

But the song did not end the wurld, 2 bad preppiez. So is this.

The alligator was gone and then Lidna kiled Joan with a speer thru the throat. Joan, we hardly knew thee.

Vlodemort apparates inside Hogwarts and says "Thy must slayeth Draccola if thy want to ever see thy Vampyr again, because he is an opposition to mine Sanatos Gambite." Oh, boo hoo, I couldn't care less about your plans, Smug Snake!

Linda knows that Voldemitr is trying to trick her, so she decided to backtrack to where Vampir was kidnapped and hits the floor really hard and opens a trapdoor reveling Vampir...and Vampir!11111111111111!11111111 Oh, no!

One Vampir sed "I am da real vampir poter, look at mi, I slit mah ristz."

The other sed, "No, he is a posser, he is a bad guy!"

Lidna did eeni meeni miny moe to find whu it wuz, and her magic powurz let her choos rite. How Lucky. The second vampire says "Oh curses." and turns into Vanderslout, who launches Abra Cadaver at Linda, who blocks it. The Real Hogwarts characters Boo, especially the Real Mad-eye Moody.

Linda blasts Joran with a "Blast you through a wall spell!" and The evil man was blasted thru a wall. Instead of getting up, he walks away and allows Linda to leave with Vampire to the rebuilt Slytherin dorm.

Then ,Vampire, Linda, Dracola, and a gurl from when Linda was on a bus all did a foursome.

They sexed but then Lidna saw it! Snap was videotaping teh hole thin and Loopin was masticating to it. She sed, "You are nasti pedos!" How did you escape Ebony's wrath?

Linda and her cronies blast down a wall to escape instead of engaging Snap and Loopin in battle. "I am destroyed." Sed the wall.

Lidna and her frends then did cok, crak, maryjuama and booze. And they died. The End.

edited 4th Aug '10 5:37:25 AM by BadficFetish

what do you think?

It was great. Anyway, still unavailable except for small posts!

Edit: Now I'm available until at least the end of the month. I hope you update before that!

edited 11th Aug '10 4:40:17 AM by BadficFetish

I have a new chapter! Features an astonishing cameo!

((OOC: Is Glori or Vanderslout the Cameo? Also, sorry if this may not be as good as the others, as my schoolwork has picked up.))

Capter 15 Invasion of the Glory Uh, oh...

This chapter begins with Linda's Television (yes, a TV in Hogwarts ) spontaneously turning on and showing the news channel, which presented the horrible image of tah new bigbad, a villainous broad named Glori. She wuz proclaimin her invincabiliti and sayin she's a helgod. Lidna got pissed, dere was only stan's hell!

Don't you worship Bad Santa? Then again, Stan Lee is more awesome, anyway.

Vampire, finally doing something other than just wait to be recaptured by Preppies, goes out to fight Glori and reaches her first. He shouts "You is a faker, a poser, a tripper!". Then He danubed at her and tried to paunch.

But no luck. Glori (I'll keep that spelling for consistency's sake) throws Vampire through a window and he kept going through a wall. Glori then appears in front of him and says "Good thing you can heal, right, Vampyr, well...SANITY DRAIN!" She mentally raeped Vampiyr, who, afterwurd, sed, "Pretty ponies dancing across the sky..."

He wuz lost his mind! Well, duh, Captain Obvious.

Glori chuckled, "I cannot see how Vlodimorte culd loose to such fleas and ticks, all they need is a good squashing." And then, like the Villain Sue that she is, she then proceeds to do so to Vampire's leg bones and he scremed, "You hell bitch, you broked my legs!"

But he had lost his mind, so all he sed was, "Good day fine sirs, I am an Englishman, yesh."

Technically, he really is an Englishman. Stop sterotyping you Parodist Badfic Writer!

Dracola shoed up and he did Aveda Kadevra. But Glori stopped him by walkin over and impalin her hand in his chest. Dracola scremed, "You bitch, you impaled me!" He was in a lot of pain. But as she didn't use Crosses and Steak, we're sadly still stuck with him.

Gloria sighed, "Geez, is bitch the fav word of you goffik people? Huh, a Take That!? A surprisingly coherent Take That!? Anyway, SANITY DRAIN!" And Dracola was Mind Raped.

He sed, "I is French, a French cheese eating surrender monkey, I surrender." Damnit! You were the most Badass character in this story by a longshot!

Glory laffed and then let Lidna take hur frends home. And then Linda knew: Vlodimorte was out of town cuz he was plannin his next evil plan. So he went 2 anoter villan and asked them to be bigbad for him whil he was gon. What An Idiot. Getting a villian who's more competent than him as a stand-in will only lead to a world of hurt.

Also, isn't Dumbledore's Alzheimer's the Big Bad? What happened to him, did he take a vacation too? Anyway, let's continue.

Linda returns to her dorm and sees that B'Loody Mary wuz also Mind Raeped!

"karma" Linda saided. For once, I agree.

Dumblider begged hur, cuz his alzheimers wuz out of town 2 I Knew It!!* , "Pleaz make Gloria gone, she iz WORSE than even HITLER!" ''Nothing'' is worse than Hitler!

Linda tells Dumbledore to heal her friends. Here's hoping that the Master of Preppiness does not heal them!

Menwhile, Vandersloot decided to join Glori. You're welome to each other!

((OOC: *Turns out, I did guess. I didn't find that line until my second readthrough. Also, I temporarily broke my hiatus on the Write A Badfic thread, picking up where it left off. Can you comment on it?))

edited 19th Aug '10 9:48:50 PM by BadficFetish

alright, I will. What did you think of Glory's cameo?

It was good. Who is she?

Glory was a Big Bad, and was one of the strongest.

edited 20th Aug '10 6:32:48 AM by NickTheSwing

Ahh, okay then.

new chapter is up!

Capter 16

Vampire, now healed by Dumblidore thanks to a truce, overcomes the Mind Rape with sheer heroic badasser powurz. Then he kills Crab and Gar Goyle with a killing saw which killed the fuck out of them so fast dat dere screams didn't even make any1 see they were dead. Then Vlodimorte comes back, only to be attacked with a with a twenty five barrel bazooka which kiled the fuck out of him...but he wuz still alived, and eskaped. Then why did you say he was dead?

And then dey watched all teh Goffik movies and did cok crak and put and booz. And then they had IKEA Erotica and everyone was squicked.

We are then treated to a description of Linda's clothes and another mention of her Informed AttractivenessAnd then JOAN RETURMED FROM DEH DEAD ONEZ!

AND she wuz always bibl pushing and being a prik. Joan sed to Hogwertz by hackin te loadspeaker, "I will purje all naught holly influnces from dis school, mark mi words!111" Huh, I tought that 'Joan' was a misspelling of 'Johan' from Monster. Guess I was wrong.

And then she ataked Lidna and Vampyre by bulldozing the entrance of their drom with...THE BULLDOZER ZOMBIE GOAST!

But Vampyre sed, "Begoine JOAN cuz u r a Headcarb ZOMBIE!"

And then Joan truned into a Big zombie monster wit a lot of judiocristian simbolysm goin on liek dat Evangilion show evry1 is talkin aboot. Religious symbolism does not make a story instantly good, especially when it's in Rouge Angles of Satin.

Joan attacks, but the Hogwarts Rangers, a previously unmentioned group of OC's, attacks and defeats her. Then, Vlodimort and Glori do a Make My Monster Grow and turn her into a giant monster.

She roared, "I AM NOT BEATABLE BEAT ME NOW WILL YA CUZ I AM MAKIN THE DESTRCTION OF YUR TOWNZ AND HAUGSMEEDEZ!11111111!" Famous last words, Joan. Linda and her friends do have some Badassery in them after all.

Linda, Vampire, and all the goffs in Hogwarts did a BLAST O DEATH that kills Joan and transforms her into Ludicrous Gibs.

And then the preppi singing aligator apered and sang an evil song to reanmate joan, and he sang and sang and the ludicrus gibs got up and danced to a britney spears song that wuz worse then the song sang by the singing alligator.

Lidna shouts, "ENOUGH!" and attacks the gibs with the zap spell which zapped them rite away. The aligator kept singing and the gibs of formed from the gibs danced to a shakra song sung by nobody, cuz nobudy wud sing dat song eccept a prepi.

And then the aligator danced and the gibbs went back togetter and Lidna was forced to call upon GOTHMECHA, which kiled the asembled gibs and then the aligater went away. Go use Sepiroth's Supernova instead of making up Goffic versions of Super Robots! You may be stealing awesomeness, but at least you're not failing at making your own.

Linda then goes back to her doem to shower, but ends up MIND CONTROLLED by...an evil NERD!

edited 30th Aug '10 6:13:57 AM by BadficFetish

Its a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment!

Heh, heh, heh.

what did you think of this chapter?

Not as good as Ch. 5 or Ch. 8, actually. Those Chapters had Linda and her friends be in real and overwhelming danger, with no safe refuge unlike now. In fact, I would say that the best chapters for me are when Linda is uprooted, unable to fight her enemies on equal terms (Edit: Until later). Also, I liked Corrupted Self and the Nazi Servants.

But that's just my opinion.

edited 3rd Sep '10 11:26:34 PM by BadficFetish

Joan is a rip off of the Designated Hero of Brewdening Love, Joan.

Okay then.

the next chapter is coming soon.

Thanks!