Use Noodle Implements.

So, do we have any armed guards, a dozen jumpers, ten metres of rope, a large tub of jelly, several wooden staves, a packet of hospital strength antiobiotics, and some chewing gum?

"Did you expect somebody else?"

this will be one weird Renaissance fair.

---

i need 300 metric tons of scrap metal, a lightsaber, a giraffe with red spots, a 10-foot-tall robotic bengal tiger, a time machine, about a dozen guys in black coats, and a refrigerator.

edited 26th Nov '13 7:34:15 PM by crimsonstorm15

All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.

Attacking the future version of Troy, are you? Hope that robot's big enough to fit everyone inside.

Since the person below me last time just posted a list and didn't answer, my last one again: Why do I have a copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, a crate of explosives, a My Little Pony figurine, a dozen eggs, several Ghost-type Pokemon, and a bushel of apples?

Stupid doomed timeline...

You are trying to prove the effectiveness of explosive-based propulsion, using the Pony figurine as the test object. The Pokemons will help you set up the experiment, and the apples will keep them fed while you're off reading the book.

Okay, I need a copy of Commando, a BMW Z4, a tank of liquid nitrogen, this dude, anti-radiation pills, two dozen bowler hats, and an authentic medieval-era trebuchet.

Pick up your weapon, even if you hesitate, you cannot give up. Hold on to your ideals, even if you struggle, you cannot waver.

I doubt that this post-apocalypse simulation of yours will have much basis in reality, but it's gonna be AWESOME.

---

So, what to do with SCP-231-7, a fire red '89 Dodge Daytona ES Turbo, 27 cubic meters of lead paint, a world war 1 russian bomber, [[Series/Dateline Chris hansen]], a clay model of a human liver, a dead christmans tree, and a 1:20 scale saddle tank.

edited 31st Dec '13 6:57:30 AM by paradisedj32

Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure that I don't want an XK-Class event on my hands during some mad science.

---

Looks like I'm in need of some flares, a Minecraft poster, an apple, three pounds in dimes, and a bucket full of human brains.

edited 31st Dec '13 9:16:08 AM by OmegaShadowcry

"The Stick has sentimental value. It's like an enormous, hideous teddy bear we can kill things with." -rikalous

What does the Minecraft poster have to do with finding out who the shapeshifting lizard man really is?

I shall need six goats, a playlist of pop punk songs that begins AND ends with a So Bad, It's Good rap song (preferably the Pirate Rap), a dozen bags of turkey giblets, a bottle of scrumpy, a half-eaten doughnut, a top hat, an old workout video, a motormouth, and some bagpipes.

Hopefully the goats won't eat the motormouth's top hat when he's trying to line them up working out to the Pirate Rap (bagpipes version). At least he gets to keep the food and beverages if push comes to shove.

I need a laptop, a gallon of Coca-Cola, a slice of cake, a broken television set, twelve boxes of used chopsticks and a cat.

edited 4th Jan '14 9:03:15 PM by syndomatic

ho

You are trying to improvise a Wetware CPU, using the laptop and broken TV as the electronic interface and the chopsticks to rig the cat's body. The coca-cola and cake shall provide sufficient nutrient to the cat.

Quick, I need a tank of Helium-3, an authentic swedish glaive, two bags of fertilizer, a cyborg-grade neural link, a violin, a sound system, and a Ducati Multistrada!

Pick up your weapon, even if you hesitate, you cannot give up. Hold on to your ideals, even if you struggle, you cannot waver.

One Improvised Warframe, coming riiiight up.

Sirs, I am in quite a dire need of left hands, silly putty, a basket-hilted claymore, a few dubloons, some mittens, and a microscope.

"The Stick has sentimental value. It's like an enormous, hideous teddy bear we can kill things with." -rikalous

That's a bit of an odd plan. Making weaponized hands out of coins and swords, a laser gun out of a microscope and holding it all together with silly putty.

---

I know, but where on earth are we going to find two large oak doors and forty feet of greased chain?

I heard the castle over there has a few. Not only that, if you can convince the prisoners and dungeon guards, it's also the perfect location to implement that tripwire-activated pancake door trap I assume you're thinking of.

For my new scheme, I require a watch, a nail clipper, two boxes of assorted Legos, an otter (make sure it's still alive), a brick wall, an Ethernet cable, a marshmallow, and at least a day or two. Throw in a Newton's Cradle or two and I'll be able to cut it down to a few hours.

pffft hahahahahahahahahhhaahhahaha no

I'm not sure that time machine is going to work, you might need to add more marshmallows.

Quick, someone get me a dozen red roses, a plate of green beans (cooked), a lamp with a broken switch, a pair of coveralls, and a particle accelerator.

Stupid doomed timeline...

Aren't you forgetting the plasma ball?

Okay, so our plan for this week is to push the left button when the sun hits high noon.

The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.

Rewinding time, eh?

Okay, I have the pins to twenty frag grenades (grenades not included), a spork, three feet of twine, two bullets, and a spaghetti noodle.

edited 14th Sep '14 10:05:44 AM by Surt

Party time!

Looks like you're the unlucky chap who had to clean up after the Civil War re-enactment dinner.

How about a pillow, a broken Play Station 2, a bottle of chloroform, a grand piano, and a copy of volume 12 of Attack on Titan?

SHAMWOW IS NOT OXYCLEAN. A DOG IS NOT A BROTHER

Yes, that'll do for our impromptu reading automaton.

Okay, I'll need 2 geese (one living, one dead), a refrigerator with a freezer in the top, a Yahtzee cup, and a checkerboard.

The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.

You're planning to use the cup to summon Yahtzee, then win him in checkers to get a wish. You'll wish for fire breath, then thaw the frozen geese with said breath.

A tube sock, a mirror, a mannequin with a watermelon for a head, and a ketchup-covered cheese log.

“Now! Let us engage in the art of deduction!”

For the last time, putting a mannequin with a watermelon as a head in front of a mirror, and smashing the mirror with a cheese log in a sock, whether of not the sock is filled with real or fake blood, it will not summon Bloody Mary.

---

Hey fellas, you seen my ostrich, knock-off Big Bird costume, Torah and slain Pomeranian?

Huzzah

Well, you're gonna dress the ostrich up in the Big Bird costume, then read from the Torah, learn a spell to bring things to life, then resurrect the dog. Then air it on TV as "Ostrich and Dog".

A model Moai head, a wooden plank with a nail sticking out of it, a "Big Green Egg" grill, and garlic-flavored cigarettes.

“Now! Let us engage in the art of deduction!”

Make a cosplay with the head and cigars, and make burgers on the grill using the plank as the spatula.

A Wii, an American football, a gaming laptop, and a donut.

I'm feeling nice, so here's a nice, not meme related, rendition of The Final Countdown

Looks like you're gonna smash your Wii with a football, replace it with that latptop, and then eat a triumphant donut.

---

Guys, this is the last time I'm gonna need to borrow something from you, but I need a hammer, a tiny replica of the Eiffel Tower, and Benjamin Franklin's corpse.

hey

You're seriously gonna bang God with a hammer until he makes lightning, then put the corpse of Benjamin Franklin by the Eiffel Tower so that the Eiffel Tower catches lightning and revives Benjamin Franklin? Fat chance.

I have the Statue of David, a tetherball pole (with tetherball), some Swiss cheese, and a gummy onion.

“Now! Let us engage in the art of deduction!”

Your vandalism implies that David had a Gag Penis and irregularly-sized nuts. The scandal!

——

I am not entering that crypt without a cut and bleeding virgin (Palm Bloodletting will do), a robot ninja, an airtight bag of garlic, a ball gag, two empty corked test tubes, and a long line of flexible garden hoses attached to this spigot. Now, do you remember the plan, or do I have to spell it out for you again?

edited 27th Sep '17 2:05:15 PM by Miss_Desperado

If not for this anchor I'd be dancing between the stars. At least I can try to write better vampire stories than Twilight.

Nobody's playing this anymore?

If not for this anchor I'd be dancing between the stars. At least I can try to write better vampire stories than Twilight.