Corrupt-a-wish.

With all the gross stuff, as well.

I want to sleep in.

Granted. You sleep for 500 years.

I wish fast food and retail customers weren't so rude to employees

Granted, an instance of the "Sir, this is a Wendy's drive-thru." meme was required to trigger the Great Singularity which would create a new Golden Age. Without the rudeness, this meme instance doesn't occur, and modern society collapses within 40 years instead.

I wish the FedEx shooter's Facebook comments didn't trigger a moral panic against My Little Pony.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Apr 19th 2021 at 4:00:47 AM

Granted. They've all been subjected to Unwilling Roboticisation and so are incapable of being rude, because they have no feelings anymore.

Granted... because Facebook's servers had been totally destroyed including backups before he had a chance to make them.

I wish for dress codes to be banned.

Edited by TheLyniezian on Apr 19th 2021 at 11:01:16 AM

Granted. Clothes are banned as a result as well.

I wish I always woke up with a half-empty bladder and not a full bladder.

Granted, when you wake up, half of your bladder is a complete vacuum. This turns out to be fatal.

I wish to see someone slowly turn around.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Apr 19th 2021 at 5:21:14 AM

Granted. You are stuck at 0.0000000001% of your normal speed, and given a system of mirrors so you can watch yourself turn around.

I wish to be an Invincible Hero.

Edited by Arcane101 on Apr 19th 2021 at 9:33:04 AM

Granted. Turns out being invincible is kind of boring. You wish kryptonite worked on you because it'd make things a bit more interesting.

I really wish I had a coffee.

Granted, it's Bad to the Last Drop.

I wish I could have a delicious bottle of sarsaparilla.

Granted. You could theoretically have one, but you don't.

I wish for a Shoulder-Sized Dragon.

Granted, that dragon will eventually grow into a normal-sized dragon, and it won't be able to fit in your house anymore.

I wish EA would make an actually good, not micro-transaction laden game for once.

Granted. No microtransactions, but the game itself costs thousands of dollars.

I wish I won the Superpower Lottery.

Granted, you won a lottery that turns you into a generic superhero. Unfortunately, your victory in the big worldwide lottery is announced publicly to all the world and you don't manage to learn to control your powers fast enough before the Legion of Evil disintegrates your front door and gangs up against you.

I wish for DEFCON 5.

Granted, the USA is annihilated because they weren’t prepared for a a a war.

I wish I was gigachad.

Granted. People hate you for looking so different from yourself that they never speak to you again.

I wish I didn't make stupid mistakes.

Granted, now you never learn anything.

I wish to be told the deepest fact about reality.

Granted.

But you're driven mad by the realization and you go permanently insane and spend the rest of your life institutionalized.

I wish I had a super-ripped body.

Granted. Unfortunately, you’re so swole and stiff that you’re unable to reach a single itch on your body, driving you absolutely mad.

I wish the whole Disney storytelling formula never existed.

Edited by Taurus-the-Tinker-Bull on Apr 21st 2021 at 9:04:50 AM

Granted. Nothing else ever existed, either. The entire universe is RetGone.

I wish I could make unlimited, uncorrupted wishes.

Since I specified "uncorrupted", that also means everyone else gets the wishes they actually wanted! I can live with being a genie.

Edited by Arcane101 on Apr 21st 2021 at 3:50:33 PM

Granted, Enjoy Becoming the Genie! (Sorry, it may be cliché but the chance to use the classics is to obvious!)

I wish to have Narcissus like beauty and long flowing blonde hair.

Edited by vjoi on Apr 21st 2021 at 9:20:43 AM

Granted. As with the original tale, you become lovestruck with your own reflection in a pool of water, staring in fixation for the rest of your life.

I wish I had a random cartoon run-in with Slappy Squirrel.

Edited by Taurus-the-Tinker-Bull on Apr 22nd 2021 at 11:52:58 AM

Granted, while you are in the cartoon, you put some stuff into Hammerspace. You have an enjoyable time with your run=in since being in a cartoon doesn't actually hurt, But, when you return to normal physics, hammerspace doesn't work anymore and the stuff you stored winds up stored inside your guts instead, which, you know, isn't exactly healthy.

I wish every country in the world had Level 40 Prayer and enough prayer pots to sustain Protect from Missiles.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Apr 23rd 2021 at 5:37:49 AM

Granted. They only reduce damage by 50%, though, and most "missiles" nowadays could kill someone with half the force anyways. Also, only one person in each country receives Prayer, and they only have enough pots to sustain the effect on one person.

I wish I knew how to swim in money, without harming myself, like Scrooge Mc Duck.

Granted. You know how, but you never have enough money to actually use the skill.

I wish that I could tend any sick, withered, or overwatered plant back to health.

Granted. It turns them into Man-Eating Plants as a side effect.

I wish Marnie becomes the champion of the Galar region in a direct sequel to Pokémon Sword and Shield.