Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, but now the words in the sentences are also arranged in alphabetical order, and no longer make sense.

I wish I could play the most epic Air Guitar solos whenever I wanted, and that they made actual electric guitar sounds.

Sure! You're trapped in San Dimas for the rest of your life and it's physically impossible to leave.

I wish there wasn't a stigma against the Furry Fandom. People can rip on bestiality all they want, but just leave the furries out of it!

Edited by DelphineTheDelphox on Aug 13th 2019 at 5:34:21 AM

Granted. Now the only people who are aware of the Furry Fandom's existence are people who actually commit bestiality, who welcome you with open arms.

I wish I was skilled at soccer.

Edited by Awesomekid42 on Aug 13th 2019 at 10:38:24 AM

Granted, you get killed at a soccer game. Oops, I guess the genie misread your wish as "was killed".

I wish my house wasn't in such a condition where I'm now confined to just one third of the house.

Granted, you are confined to 1/18th of the house.

I wish you could swim like a dolphin.

NINJA'D AGAIN!

Granted. I can swim like a dolphin. You can't swim at all.

I wish Final Fantasy Football would take off and become bigger than actual fantasy football.

Edited by WillyFourEyes on Aug 13th 2019 at 7:54:07 AM

It does, but as a fad that doesn't last long.

I wish more people would accept Rule 34.

Granted. A single person who previously didn't accept it now accepts it.

I wish I had Straight A's for grades in my classes

Granted. There's also like 13 counts of cheating per test attached to those A grades, thus those results are wholly voided.

I wish my sleep apnea did not exist.

Granted. You get crippling insomnia, instead.

I wish I had my drivers license already.

Edited by WarJay77 on Aug 14th 2019 at 10:32:28 AM

Granted. You're put into a coma, so you're getting plenty of sleep now!

Granted. You're given your license without actually earning it, meaning you're not actually good enough to drive. You get into a major car accident as a result.

I wish Creepers would stop sneaking up on me in Minecraft. And I don't want them attacking me in real life either!

Edited by DelphineTheDelphox on Aug 14th 2019 at 7:33:17 AM

Granted. They attack you in your dreams.

I wish I could code and hack.

Granted, you end up using those skills to become an evil hacker, bringing the apocalypse.

I wish to be less lazy

You become a workaholic and die of overexertion.

I wish my aunt and cousins weren't homophobic.

Granted. Instead, they're biphobic.

I wish I was a talented show writer

Edited by Awesomekid42 on Aug 15th 2019 at 9:59:35 AM

Granted. Executive Meddling removes everything you like about your scripts and leaves the final product a bland knockoff the public forgets about within a few years

I wish my dirty dishes would clean themselves

Granted. And the food cooks itself and the bathroom cleans itself and the beds make themselves until the house eventually decides you are no longer necessary.

I wish my wifi bill was paid.

Granted. It's paid by loan sharks, who'll later force you pay them back 4 times the amount or else they'll break your limbs.

I wish I could teleport to any place I want while keeping everything I have on my person.

Granted, but since you wanted to teleport inside the White House, you get stuck in a wall. Now you can't get out.

I wish I could ride on the Freeway of Love in a pink Cadillac.

Granted. You die in a head on collision with a Little Red Corvette.

I wish that Prince wasn't such an asshole while he was alive.

Granted, but because of that, we all miss out on the third-funniest Chappelle's Show skit there was.

I wish we, as a species, wouldn't threaten to boycott things on a weekly basis for stupid reasons.

Granted. Instead of threatening to boycott everything, we actually boycott everything. Business collapse as a result.

I wish I had purchased and downloaded Minecraft: Story Mode before it got permanently pulled from Steam.

Granted, it was terrible.

I wish for a drink.

It's a drink of bleach.

I wish to have the power to shut down the Internet at will.

Granted. You can't turn it back on, though. Society collapses as a result, and many people starve to death, including you.

I wish Segata Sanshiro would stop harassinh and assaulting people to play his systems.

Edited by DelphineTheDelphox on Aug 16th 2019 at 7:13:39 AM