Epic Failure Game

You break the world record for biking speed right before hitting a rock, both of you fly several meters into the air and you land face-first on the pavement, the bike lands handle-first between your legs. Also you didn't wear a helmet

I try to get in better shape

Said better shape is a menger sponge and you die of having too many holes in you.

I'm ordering a bubble tea.

You accidentally ordered Fizzy Coffee

I take a single step.

You slip on ice, your shoes go flying and you slide down the hill.

I try to light a fire.

Your matches instead act in a way similar to party snaps when you try to light them. One match catches itself on fire, without your assistance, and lights the entire box of matches on fire, causing the box to explode in your hand.

I try to pick a lock.

Edited by casioonaplasticbeach on Feb 18th 2019 at 8:06:30 AM

You end up reinforcing it.

I try to preform a FALCON PUNCH!

Only one man is capable of the Falcon Punch.

I try to make art.

Your paintbrush moves in such a way that you create the symbol used in summoning Kythaltrynoggus, god of bad art. He gags at what you’ve created and banishes all humankind to the Shadow Realm.

I attempt to make a sandwich.

You made a knuckle sandwich, it punches you in the gut and runs off with your wallet.

I attempt to corrupt a wish.

You enhance the wish so it becomes beneficial to everyone, except you

I try to do a back flip

You try to do a backflip, but you break your back. In front of a car. At a NASCAR race. While the cars are racing. You get rushed to the hospital, but the ambulance crashes into a tree, and, 1 year later, get found in the wilderness somehow alive. You do a backflip again, but before you finish, you get eaten by a bear.

I make a post supporting PETA on Tv Tropes.

They somehow get upset about you doing that just because TV Tropes has a page about shooting dogs, despite it not literally being about shooting dogs (sometimes).

I remember the weather report said heavy rain so I remember to wear boots.

Edited by WhiteCheddaPikachu on Mar 6th 2019 at 10:58:56 AM

You wore your boots, but you forgot to wear everything else.

I try to seduce a mermaid.

Instead you meet up with an Enthralling Siren who seduces you instead... to your doom

I try to increase my wealth

You win a ticket for one card of stock that grows into billions of dollars... before you see it on the news as a stock in a shell company for foreign spies. And then you hear the police knocking at your door...

I try to grow an orchard in my yard.

Edited by CenturyEye on Mar 7th 2019 at 9:43:23 AM

you accidently grow a bunch of human-eating fly traps that take over the world.

I try to finish a presentation for school.

Turns out it was due a week ago.

I try to buy some fancy clothes for a formal event.

You end up buying a certain Rick Owens shirt for $7392.

I attempt to eat spaghetti.

Edited by Jaxfirebus on Mar 8th 2019 at 11:17:24 AM

You eat worms instead

I try to got to work on time

You actually get to work on time!...and are then promptly fired for all the times you were late.

I open up my own restaurant, serving waffles.

You run out of waffle batter. You run home to get waffle batter, but you have no waffle batter. You go to every store within a 51 km. radius. No waffle batter. Frustrated, you look online for a waffle batter recipe. Then, you see a website saying yummywafflbattlerecipiesplzusewonwenumaikwafflebatter.com. Turns out that it's a scam site, and you lose all your money. You lose a lot of money and you're forced to file for bankruptcy. Every waffle house you own gets destroyed and turned into your rival's business. Also, every store now has a surplus of waffle batter.

I make a long post.

k They only respond with "k", Boy isn't that frustrating?

I try to make a Tumblr

Edited by Jaxfirebus on Mar 11th 2019 at 7:57:35 AM

You somehow post porn and get banned.

I try to relax.

You fall asleep and immediately have a Catapult Nightmare.

I try to solve a Rubik's Cube.

Edited by Miss_Desperado on Mar 11th 2019 at 5:50:21 AM

You get it logged in your nose.

I try to pet my cat.