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Epic Failure Game

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johannes4123 Probably not a pyromaniac from Not in outer space
Probably not a pyromaniac
Feb 9th 2019 at 9:20:54 AM

You break the world record for biking speed right before hitting a rock, both of you fly several meters into the air and you land face-first on the pavement, the bike lands handle-first between your legs. Also you didn't wear a helmet

I try to get in better shape

There are two kinds of problems, those that can be solved by setting things on fire and the ones you should run away from
QuantumMelody29 Now with extra vampirism! from somewhere you will never find me. Relationship Status: Get out of here, STALKER
Now with extra vampirism!
Feb 10th 2019 at 2:36:16 AM

Said better shape is a menger sponge and you die of having too many holes in you.

I'm ordering a bubble tea.

Idk what to put here right now :/
medievalParadox just some guy with no clue why he does things from any device that can get onto the internet Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
just some guy with no clue why he does things
Feb 11th 2019 at 3:24:40 PM

You accidentally ordered Fizzy Coffee

I take a single step.

References,randomness,silence, and watchful, i can at least be three of these things when the time calls for it. other times i'm just weird.
Feb 11th 2019 at 3:49:28 PM

You slip on ice, your shoes go flying and you slide down the hill.

I try to light a fire.

casioonaplasticbeach yay rabbits and valentine's day from pg. 231 3/4 Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
yay rabbits and valentine's day
Feb 13th 2019 at 8:21:41 AM

Your matches instead act in a way similar to party snaps when you try to light them. One match catches itself on fire, without your assistance, and lights the entire box of matches of fire, casuing the box to explode in your hand.

I try to pick a lock.

Get a tall glass of iced tea, sit back, and fasten your seatbelts.
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