Joke thread

XD

I'm about the drop one of the worst jokes ever.

A guy walks into a bar. He gets a bump on head head and exclaims, "ouch!"

Congratulations, White Wolf, you win the 'most terrible joke' competition!

Your prize is a basement about the subject of The Miracle Worker presented by two libertarian magicians.

It's Penn and Teller's Helen Keller cellar.

ROFL

In capitalist America, man exploits man.

In Soviet Russia, it's the other way around.

Edited by ReikoKazama on Nov 14th 2018 at 8:39:39 PM

“My friend died yesterday”

“i’m so sorry, what did they die from?”

“the big c”

“cancer?”

“no, the c off the big kfc sign fell on their head”

Edited by shackwave on Nov 21st 2018 at 11:26:47 AM

Date: So what do you do?

Me: (remembering girls like tough guys) I'm a marine (remembering girls like smart guys) biologist

I think I found this joke on a trope page, but I forget which one. You have to know some basic French to get it:

Two cats decide to race across the river - one is an English cat named One-Two-Three, the other is a French cat named Un-Deux-Trois. Who won the race?

One-Two-Three, because Un-Deux-Trois cat sank

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because seven eight nine.

Saw this joke in a video. Also, if you take every word , and turn them into numbers like this: Can = 3, I = 1, tell = 4, and so on, you get pi from the zeroth(3) to the thirtieth (9)

Can I tell a story regarding my cousin named Tim? Sweet! Timothy's boyfriend (Bradly) abandoned him. We saw betrayal, pain ... crying. He misses Brad now, but Timothy's aim is quickly improving.

Edited by Playing_with_boy on Nov 22nd 2018 at 8:27:18 AM

Alrighty, my shot:

What did the custodian say as he came out of the closet?

"Supplies!"

"So you're saying our calculus instructor is into bondage?!"

"Why else are we spending a whole week on the chain rule?"

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

Here's one I forgot to add earlier. ^_^;; I like the joke slimcoder made. The current Arc Villain in Black Clover says "despair" so many times, it'd be safer to make a drinking contest out of it using hot cocoa. XD

The man who invented the autocorrect should burn in hello.

I went to see a Toto cover band called Savannah - they were pretty good, up until they started playing "Africa" only to abruptly stop less than halfway through - naturally most of the crowd got mad and started booing, a sizable number even walked out. I stuck around and managed to run into a band member and asked him about it - he just handed me a geography textbook with a bookmark in it. I read the first sentence on the bookmarked page and it all made sense: "The savannah covers 40% of Africa"

XD Here’s the variation I’ve heard:

How many pick-up artists does it take to change a lightbulb?

They can’t. They keep praising and negging it and then get upset that it won’t screw.

Congratulations, Noa, you win the "best shade thrower" contest! Your prize is an American folk singer and a British book publisher playing a children's game with the rabbit from Arthur.

It's Paul Simon and Shuster playing Simon Says with Buster.

Future generations will be confused when they hear the old Christmas song "Baby, It's Cold Outside", which can only be understood in the context of its time.

For starters, we'll need to explain to them that it used to get cold outside.

I just remembered this one my friend Max made when we were kids. He said that the Maximals should have kept the stasis pods on the Axilon, so that there'd be a whole army of Maximals and thus the Beast Wars would have been over in five minutes. XD

Megatron: Predacons, terror- (insert image of nuclear explosion and/or mushroom cloud here)

If smoking is bad, then why does it cure salmon?

"Can I get salmon, Ella?"

"Can I get salmonella?"

Remember kids, put your spaces (amd punctuation) in their proper places, otherwise you get sick.

Why did the lifeguard tell off the hippie? Because he was too far out.

What did they say when the naked man won the race? "You barely made it".

Today's performance of Hamilton in Chicago was cancelled due to the cold.

Once again, Brrrr killed Hamilton.