A single unified LGBTQ+ conversation

x4 Just speaking for myself, seeing someone's preferences listed like that right away seems both more convenient and less rude than having them spring up on me after making contact.

The problem is having them at all. If you’re going to discount an entire race of people, regardless of their personality, beliefs, and appearance... that’s racist.

It’s a problem trans people face as well. So many people refuse to even consider the idea that they could like a trans person. Even if they’ve had bottom surgery. Even if they pass perfectly. At that point, it’s hard to view it as anything other than just bigotry.

I don't think that's necessarily the case, but I can see where you're coming from and I won't deny that there's likely a lot of overlap.

Still, regardless of what you think about people's stated preferences or the reasons for them, you can't just force them to find you attractive if they don't, so I'm not sure what kind of solution you're looking for.

Like, if someone I'm really interested in rejects me for being nb or whatever I'd probably be upset for a while, but at the end of the day I'd just have to accept it.

I’m looking for people to reexamine their personal biases.

I want gay guys to sit down and think real hard about why it is that they refuse to date Asian men. Are epicanthic folds really that awful? Why? What about Asian people who don’t have them?

I feel the same for gay / queer black men and black trans men. I feel like we exist on a real thin plane of acceptance given the way the black community still has yet to fully accept the former and even consider the latter. Seeing someone having "no blacks" on their profile can really disheartening to see for someone interacting with the scene for the first time.

On top of that, you have the fetishization of black men as (which almost foils Asian men) dominant, bold and hyper-indowed. Which in itself holds it's own irony, because the general perception of gay men in the black community is that of effeminacy and flamboyance.

I just finished reading Laura K Dale's "Uncomfortable Labels: My Life as an Autistic Gay Trans Woman".

Autistic trans rep's really understated and hard to find, so it feels nice to get some confirmation I'm not alone.

...I didn't actually know she'd written a book.

Is it a physical book?

She's been working on two books! There's her memoir, Uncomfortable Labels, currently out in print and ebook and with an audiobook coming next month, and she has a novelty coffee table book about video game character butts still in the works titled Things I've Learned From Mario's Butt.

Huh.

x3 Yep. It came out on Thursday. My copy arrived on Friday.

She was apparently signing them at Brighton pride, but I work weekends, so there's no way I could have made it.

Then again she still has me blocked on Twitter so that probably explains why I didn't know.

I recently learned that Wings of Fire, a fantasy series about dragons, has LGBQ characters. That makes it the first xenofiction series I know that features gay characters (admittedly, WOF is more anthropomorphic than most).

Interesting, books like that usually digital. It seems easier to publish them that way.

So turns out I'm a) polyamorous, b) nonbinary and c) totally gay for 80s Danny Elfman

Cool!

I'm bisexual, gender fluid and talking to a cute guy on Discord.

Enby swag. How did you realize you polyamourous, if you mind me asking?

Edited by KeironCioran on Jul 23rd 2019 at 4:02:18 AM

I'm not sure if I'm actually poly myself or just of a "whatever as long as everyone involved has given informed consent" mindset.

Jughead's so good in the reboot comics. I have a hard time with aro-ace characters since so many seem to go with the stereotype that asexuals are inherently aromantic, but Jughead feels like an ace character who just happens to be aro as well. It's so nice.

As an Archie fan, it's funny thinking about his character development. Who would have thought the He-Man Woman Hater from the '40s comics would develop into a nice character who's also aro-asexual? Jughead's such an ace icon right now... Archie's having better asexual rep than the Big 2 is funny as well.

I could only get a few episodes into Riverdale before ditching it, but apparently Jughead's character got messed up. I didn't like it's sad beanie-wearing Jughead in the first few episodes anyway (plus Bughead is a notp of mine). I was hoping that Juggy would be a heteroromantic asexual, but apparently he's just straight in Riverdale.

Edit:

I haven't been that into the ace community for 4+ years - it felt pretty pointless after a while since I'm aromantic and thus there's not much to talk about - but I've recently gotten really into ace colors lately. I forgot how pretty the flag is and how nice purple looks. I need to find some ace stuff some day, but it's embarrassing being that one person who likes wearing pride colors... Luckily though, purple+grey+white+black is so low-key that maybe I could pull it off?

Edited by Pichu-kun on Jul 24th 2019 at 5:21:30 AM

Sooooo I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and come to the conclusion I might be a transwoman?

Background. So for the last, I dunno, 5ish years or so since I started thinking of myself as anything other than cis, I've been identifying as genderfluid to one degree or another. I mostly expressed my female side through playing female characters in games, and felt like that was all there was to it.

Fast forward to a couple years ago. I've started experimenting with expressing my female side in real life with clothing and occasional shaving. I like the way I feel dressing like this, but it's still something I do less than half the time, and almost exclusively at home. I've looked up some tips for body feminization, but haven't taken any steps.

Then about a year ago I started pursuing a relationship with a transwoman, and as we get closer, my experimentation comes to a halt, for a few reasons. One, because I feel masculine around her. Two, because whenever talk of my appearance comes up, she encourages me toward more masculine presentation. After maybe six months of build up, we date for about another six, before she breaks it off a couple months ago after coming to the conclusion that while she is bisexual, she's homoromantic. It sucks, but it is what it is.

HOWEVER. Since our break up, my inclination to experiment has come back with a goddamn vengeance and graduated into a full on drive to present female the majority of the time. I'm dressing femme probably 90% of the time that I'm home, frequently going out in low-key femme clothes (womens' jeans, camisole, womens' jacket) when I go out by myself, and going more overtly femme when I'm out with friends. I'm shaving more, buying more femme clothing, and feeling great when I'm presenting this way. I've worked out a basic exercise routine and schedule, and took some cursory looks at permanent hair removal services. I've also come to the realization that the biggest reason I stopped expressing myself this way while I was dating my ex was because next to her, I had imposter syndrome kicking in full gear. I even think part of my attraction to her in the first place was on some level wanting to be her rather than be with her.

So, yeah. There it is. I'm fairly certain at this point that I'm a transwoman, though I haven't entirely ruled out the possibility that I'm still fluid as I previously thought, and just on a femme upswing. I got some recommendations for local gender counselors from an acquaintance yesterday, and plan to have some sessions to get the added perspective before I fully commit to being trans, and decide my next step. I'll probably reach out to some in the next couple weeks. I'm anxiously excited about where I go from here.

Apparently the asexual ring is, in fact, still a thing people wear. It's a black ring you wear on your right hand's middle finger. I remember it being thrown around a decade ago but I didn't know if it caught on.

That makes me wonder if other "queer signal" clothes are still a thing. Flannel is pretty mainstream, though I still see a lot of people associate it with LGBQ women. I don't think wearing one earring means anything anymore, though.

It's "known" that wearing one earring in a specific ear is "the gay ear", I think, but which ear that is is essentially random usually based on region because of. reasons I assume, idk i'm drunk rn

The only bi signal out there is finger guns, change my mind.

Yes.

Edited by CustardAndPie on Aug 10th 2019 at 11:36:55 AM

I dont use finger guns. Am I truly bi? :)

(x3) I thought that died in the early 2000s.