We see the sign-up sheet, then we see a familiar blonde put his down. Sam asks a nearby Blaine if being President and VP gives them a pick of the roles, but Blaine hears naught, still forlorn over Kurt dumping him (the only logical way to interpret their end of last episode's business). And it's bad: no sleeping, lack of appetite, and worse of all... no hairgel on weekends, dear lord. He claims Kurt was his soul mate, which is a heavy thing to say, but sometimes, as you'd guess, losing something only makes you appreciate it more. Sam tells Kurt he'll overcome and that, appropriately cues up "Hopelessly Devoted To You", featuring Blaine on the bleachers staring at a Titan that bares a slight resemblance to Lorenzo Lamas. Because Grease, you see. As he risks his health by singing while walking through drills, we see that somehow this performance morphs into his audition for the newly-announced musical, and Artie wants him to play Danny Zuko. Blaine says he's too miserable for a lead role, any role in fact. Then why did he audition? The answer of course is that this being Glee, the songs equal the emotions. A teary-eyed Blaine suggests Teen Angel, as it's only one scene. Finn promptly bails with his second thoughts, Artie catching up to him as he still isn't sure if he's qualified to direct - let me answer that for you, Finn: Emotions aside, at this point you aren't qualified to direct a birthday party. Artie tells him to trust his instincts, and that being around people he's lead will remind him how talented he is. To that end, he's called in the cavalry, in the form of one Mr. Chang and one Ms. Jones, back to help choreograph and vocally direct. Finn lights up for the first time this episode as we cut to and answer to the question of who counsels the counselor. In this case, we see Wemma at home in a session held by Beiste because of course, and also, because real ones don't exist in the merry old land of Glee. Or Will's health insurance was too crappy to keep the one Emma had in Season 2. Anyway, as established last episode, Will's heading to DC and wants Emma to come along, but she wants to stay in Lima. Beiste responds with the expected sports analogies and Will latches on to one because he's too dumb to actually come up with a compromise. He wants Emma to come with him and next time they can go anywhere she wants. Well, this really stupid "solution" is basically Will getting his way whilst also now managing to make Emma feel both shittier and yet in his debt. See folks, while we worry mostly about Finn and his dubiousness, let us also take note that Will will also show his ass on more than one occasion this season. There is a major difference between the two however, one both tragic and obvious.
Cut to the choir room where Mikecedes discusses how there's plenty of Sandy's, but a lack of Zuko's. Because Blaine isn't up to play Danny, Sam wants to be Kenickie (like the character, he got hit in the head by a car door as a kid and wants to recreate the experience), and apparently no other male in the glee club qualifies (Finn just doesn't care about them, though there is a funny visual of Joe in a Zuko wig). Finn laments how there is no one else qualified, which Mike points out was the same problem Will had in the beginning. So, are we off to the showers? No, off to the field -where Finn finds Beiste who gives him more seemingly ineffective platitudes. However, this does lead somewhere, as we see one Titan in particular with the moves. Now, as with the previous season, the Oxygen cable network held a reality show called The Glee Project, where the winner got a starring role in the next season. This is the winner of that season, Blake Jenner, in the role of Ryder Lynn. Hmm. Lynn. Finn... oh dear. Anyway, the new quarterback (who surely he must have met?) is lame and shy and stupid and can't play for his life - perfect leading man material! How did Ryder get to be QB, though? And why does Finn suddenly decide that he has to be Danny? The answer is that if you give Finn any sort of reason to be authoritative, he'll milk it for all its worth.
We return from break in the ladies room where we see Marley and Unique. Marley wants to audition for Sandy, but Unique is shy about going for Rizzo. Seriously, did everything that happened up to now just evaporate?! Marley tries to persuade her, but the flushing john and the clarion call of the Tracksuit Terror says otherwise. Sue comes at them with a rant about how she doesn't want to be confused as to the gender of a student (like when she chopped that boy's ponytail off, thought Kurt liked 'Lady', and was convinced that Quinn was dating a girl that was just Sam). However, as they're both relatively new at McKinley, they're able to shake her off and cue up some Pink as their joint audition, the second of three Newell/Benoist duets.note Afterwards, the two get the expected props, and then announce their preferred parts. Cut to a random class that Finn invades, removing the teacher with a fake phone call. He approaches Ryder and we see that for reasons to be revealed, he has to work twice as hard to do half as well, and that he has to get a C- to a B or he's off the Titans. Finn tells about his similarites, then says ND helped him to graduate. Ryder rebukes the implied offer on grounds that he's busy enough. Finn then says to start small, offering a slot to audition. We then cut to him getting another C- and that seems to make him contemplate. Cut to Finn and Artie making the most important decision of the musical - which jukebox to use in the diner? Apparently the decision is so hard for Finn that he contemplates his entire life... Ryder arrives, figuring if he's dumb, so be it, but he doesn't wanna miss anything. Finn then confesses his initial fears of joining glee club to - apparently they were less "now everyone thinks I'm gay" (they were) and more "I hope I'm good enough for everyone else" (they weren't). That leads into a bit of Foreigner; afterwards, Ryder says he'll audition. Finn says that the song was his audition and he can be the lead - this boy had just mentally prepared himself, Hudson, way to scare him off forever! Which BTW doesn't happen, because now Finn has transferred his "insufferavincible" mindset (and his propensity for tantrums) to the new new kid with Bieber hair. Way to graft the new generation Finn.
We return from break to a scene full of hindsights both hilarious and harsh. Ryder walks up to Marley and introduces himself, note Marley saying she saw him play. He tells her Mama Rose sneaks him extra meatballs on spaghetti day, so she must see something we don't. Unfortunately, Ryder is overheard by Lil' Puck. Imagine trying to draw a glee family tree, with added music and bitchiness. Speaking of the human feline, said Kat arrives to question Jake's wandering eye. He denies wandering, but she (and us) know otherwise. Now, since Marley was the reason Jake dared to stray, Kitty turns her attentions to Mr. Lynn, the flirting blatant. She then announces intentions to audition for Sandy, as you do. Then, she starts a long game, putting the seed in Marley's head that her mother's girth in genetic, and that it's only a matter of time before she balloons to the same weight. As Marley's self confidence isn't all that good to begin with, you see how she reacts. This starts a process that will last a few episodes. Cut to the sign-up sheet where both Kitty and Jake audition; Kitty to stick it to Marley, Jake to share a stage and keep Ryder from staking a claim he himself has no right to stake at the moment. Just saying. Cut to the stage for some Neon Trees; afterwards, as the co-directors and ND vets cheer, we pan backstage to see Marley crushed again. Sheesh.
Cut to the aforementioned people narrowing down their choices. Kitty and Jake also audition together, and Tina refuses to take part if Mike is involved because he broke up with her. Finn lobbies for Marley as Sandy and Unique as Rizzo, and an angry Sue pulls Finn into Principal Figgins' office, objecting to the casting of Unique. She argues that it will set the precedent for Unique to join the Cheerios, endangering Sue's bid to become the all-time winningest cheer coach in history. Sue's racked up an impressive stance of tolerance in recent years, but she's tired of McKinley being a testing ground - and, in truth, she's worried about the backlash that will come down onto Unique as a result of the controversy. Will stands behind Finn and Artie's choice, and Finn defies Sue, who warns him about "the daily nightmare that is being my enemy." In standing his ground, Finn refers to her baby as "retarded" - he tries to apologize, but she silently storms out.
We return from break, and us being close to another mental break, to Beiste in Emma's office. She's looking for houses in DC, but Beiste of course sees right through it and says lies, even little ones, can break a relationship, and Emma needs to tell Will she wants to stay. After a token attempt to reiterate the Blatant Lies, Beiste reminds Emma that Will fell for her for the reasons she's avoiding. From there, it's Mike and Tina's turn at awkwardness between exes. He again tries to get her to audition and she still rebukes him. From there, it's to the auditorium where he and Mercedes test the kids given call backs on their dancing - they need to be good dancers. This of course leads us into the signature Grease "Hand Jive", where Mike manages to spin Kitty around his arm like a Catherine Wheel while she and Jake manage to screw everything else up. Ryder and Marley are of course shaky, but clearly better as we go to break.
We return to see Finn find Unique and, despite his incompetence and general inanity, offer Unique the part of Rizzo. Nice try Murphy, but we see right through it. Unique does vent her frustrations at how being assigned one gender hinders her ability to embrace the other. She says it's nice to find her place for once. The veteran gleeks immediately figure out the inevitable from a mile away as Finn agrees. It seems, again, despite his idiocy, that he's found his niche. He does offer Unique the warning that they'll be heat on her, but she says dreams aren't free. From there, we see Finn and his fellow planners put up the cast list which is as such:
- Brittany S. Pierce: "Cha Cha" (was there any doubt?)
- Sugar Motta: "Frenchy"
- Joe Hart: "Doody"
- Tina Cohen-Chang: "Jan" (the audition was a given)
- Sam Evans: "Kenickie"
- Unique: "Rizzo"
- Blaine Anderson: "Teen Angel"
- Jake Puckerman: "Putzie"
- Ryder Lynn: "Danny Zuko"
- Marley Rose: "Sandy Olsson"
- Kitty Wilde: "Patty Simcox" ("But I prayed really hard about this!")
Kitty is not pleased, lashing out at Marley with more cracks designed to crack her already fragile psyche. As we've established, Kitty is the walking amalgamation of the Unholy Trinity, and thus, their more dubious traits. Basically, these are Santana Lopez's cuts mixed with Quinn Fabray's darkness and Brit-Brit's hair. As she leaves, Sue arrives, finds Unique's name, and bares teeth at Finn. We return for the home stretch at Wemma's house, Emma trying some new recipes as Will returns. This is a tell that something's up, and indeed she tells Will she doesn't wanna go to DC with him. She then says that while she's spent three years wanting to be Mrs. Schuester, she's forgotten what it's like to be Ms. Pilsbury. She's afraid that if she goes with him, she'll be returning alone. This finally seems to snap Will out of whatever made him be a jackass, at least for now. He agrees to go to DC alone as we cut to the choir room where we find Finn going over the sheet music, realizing he may have found his place. Will then tells him he's leaving for DC and needs someone to man the fort while he's gone. Since glee's an elective and not a real class, there's no need for a certified teacher to run it. Finn, not so dumb as not to realize what's going on, says he's not a adult, only for Will to point out he stood up to Sue and found Ryder. It's three months without Will guiding him, is Finn ready? We end this recap by saying both duh, and to break out the heavy stuff Gleeks, cause we're all gonna need it.
Next Time: It's opening night, and emotions are high, both for the musical and for certain exes who must come face to face with emotional wounds still so fresh.
Songs:
- "Hopelessly Devoted To You", performed by Blaine
- "(Blow Me) One Last Kiss" by P!nk, performed by Marley and Unique
- "Juke Box Hero" by Foreigner, performed by Ryder and Finn
- "Everybody Talks" by Neon Trees, performed by Jake and Kitty
- "Born To Hand Jive", performed by New Directions, Ryder, Mercedes, Mike, and Kitty
Tropes:
- Actor-Shared Background: In-Universe Sam wants to play Kenickie because they both got hit in the head by a car door.
- Apathetic Teacher: Most of Ryder's, from the looks of it. How come no one caught that he's got a learning disability?
- Bowdlerisation/
Orphaned Reference: In the UK version Finn's line that includes the word "retarded" is omitted. The rest of that plot in this and the next episode, however, remain. - Large Ham /
Narm: Lampshaded by Artie during Blaine's teary audition.I've never seen Blaine so...Masterpiece Theatre.'' - The Cameo: Harry Shum Jr. as Mike Chang and Amber Riley as Mercedes Jones.
- The Resenter: Discussed. Emma doesn't want to become this, which she will if she meekly follows Will and gives up her job, like a housewife from The '50s.
