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Funny / Warhammer

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  • From 7th Edition's Warriors of Chaos book: "Gharad the Ox duels the hated Elector Count, Wulfgang von Greidhart, at Maulwurfbad and takes his victim's skull as a drinking vessel. During the duel, Gharad is astounded to be cheered on by the women of the township. Obscurely pleased, he leaves the town intact."
  • From the Orcs and Goblins book: To put the matter beyond any shadow of a doubt - only Orcs on foot benefit from choppas - not Goblins, not mounted Orcs, not models on chariots, not small boys named Kevin, not Gerbils, not anything else, never, not ever, OK!
    • The eighth edition Orc book also has an Orc Warboss mourning the loss of his favorite snotling, who would fetch things for him... "o' course, it were never wot I asked for, but you could tell 'e was tryin'."
  • From the 8th Edition's Warriors of Chaos book, Wulfrik the Wanderer once again shows why he's one of the most badassed Chaos Champions to walk the earth
    "Face me if you dare, stunted whelp, or do you lack even an elven maid's courage? I thought the Sons of Grungni were great warriors, but perhaps you are no true Dwarf. Indeed, maybe you are instead some breed of bearded Goblin, though in truth I have seen a finer beard on a Troll's back-side."
    • This was said to a Dwarf KING who he then slaughtered in single-combat. But the best part is this — it was spoken in perfect Khazalid.
  • Related to the above is the nature of Wulfrik's curse that the Dark Gods placed on him. He boasted that he could kill anything, and the Dark Gods' response was to make him prove it by constantly issuing him challenges to fight specific foes around the world... and they granted him a perfect and unconscious understanding of all spoken languages just so he could issue challenges and Trash Talk enemies without language barriers getting in the way of a good insult.
  • The Civil War rules in White Dwarf list random special rules for each army when fighting itself. All of them have some result based around the two factions having hated each other for centuries or millennia... except the Orcs, for whom this kind of legendary hatred typically dates back: one week.
  • Any time the Skaven do anything on the tabletop. This is an army that can screw itself three ways from Sunday with a bad roll on anything. They also have a giant Hamster wheel, that shoots lightning.
  • Necoho, god of atheists... we're not making this up.
  • Several in-universe renowned quotes from Warhammer Fantasy are the last words of overconfident heroes.
  • A certainly involuntary one: take the Wood Elves army book, and get to the part where they show you pictures of the models. There's one of two legendary twin elves, riding a Wood Dragon... And they're facing a lone Dwarf Trollslayer model. Whose face seems to indicate that he's about to crap his pants.
  • Archaon's defeat in the Storm of Chaos Campaign, which involved Grimgor Ironhide kicking the Everchosen's family jewels from behind, and then headbutting him into the ground.
  • The 8th Edition Orcs and Goblins book tells of a Waaagh that never happened.... because the two bosses in charge couldn't decide what to call it (as Waaaghs are usually named after the boss in charge). By the time they had fought each other to a compromise, only a single mob of orc boyz, a bloated troll, and an unconscious snotling were all that remained of their armies, after they had fought each other or wandered off out of boredom.
  • Also from the 8E book: nudist orcs.
    After stomping the previous Warboss to death, Grutshod led a daring attack on the encampment of the Savage Orc tribe known as the 'Ead-Thumpaz. The surviving mobs of Savage Orcs were allowed to join the Bloody Tusks, but only on the condition that they begin to wear at least some sort of clothing.
  • Grey Seer Thanquol's antics. He may be the most magically powerful Skaven in existence, but his incompetence is so great that even characters with a renowned hatred of the Skaven will let him go because the devastation he causes to his own side is just that great (this is Not Hyperbole - the Lizardmen in general, and Slann in particular, will kill Skaven on sight, but a Slann once caught Thanquol, looked into the future, and then released him). Most prominently highlighted by his attempt to summon a Skaven Verminlord, but he failure to recognize that his catalyst was cursed resulted in him instead summoning the bloodthirster Skarbrand, who proceeded to utterly wreck both Thanquol's Skaven "allies" and the dwarfs they were fighting.