Do you even remember a time when you didn't feel like you were on fire
whether it lit you up
or burned you apart
It keeps you warm.
It eats you alive.
whether it lit you up
or burned you apart
It keeps you warm.
It eats you alive.
The Fire Never Goes Out: A Memoir In Pictures is an autobiographical comics collection by ND Stevenson. It compiles his personal comics from 2011 to 2019, some previously published on his social media, other released for the first time. It was published by HarperTeen in March 2020.
Stevenson charts his journey across the years, from a struggling art student grappling with his beliefs and fears, to a newly famous artist experiencing the highs of sudden fame, then his growing anxiety amidst the pressures of widespread applause, and his coming to accept who he really is.
The Fire Never Goes Out contains examples of:
- Alternate Self: The Review of 2017 features 2017 ND talking to his 2011 counterpart about some of the things he's going to experience, such as coming out of the closet, working on a popular cartoon, and falling in love.
- Autobiography: A collection of autobiographical comics detailing ND's time in art school, publishing NIMONA, and mental illness, among other things.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: ND discusses this. He got the artist's dream, with a huge Tumblr following, a book deal, a few popular comic series, and an animated show where he was the creator. The problem with all of this wasn't just the stress from having to deliver on deadlines, but the realization that all of this success wasn't making him happy. That and he felt pressured to perform to an ideal.
- Body to Jewel: As ND encounters more adversity, he draws himself growing crystals out of his body, like spiky hardened armor, making him sharp to the touch. He initially thinks of this as a good thing, before realizing that it's not.
- Celebrity Is Overrated: In 2011, ND rockets to fame as his comics go viral, followed by taking big steps into a comics and television career in the following years. It's exhilarating... and also devastating for ND's mental health from his self-induced pressure to continue hitting career peak after peak.
- Coming-Out Story: Due to his fundamentalist Christian upbringing, ND is initially averse to thinking of himself as gay, and resents when his fashion is compared to such. However, after several years of growing more liberal and ending relationships with men, he begins to accept himself as a lesbian and makes it a prominent motif of his stories.
- Downer Beginning: The first chapter gives a brief recap of ND's late teens to early twenties. He starts off joyfully attending church and praising Jesus, but within a few years has lost his faith, realized that dating boys was an attempt to ignore being gay, then nearly self-destructed from a combination of ignoring signs of his worsening mental health and overworking himself.
- Elemental Motifs: Two symbols frequently reoccur across ND's comics:
- Fire, as signified in the title. It represents motivation and drive, fueling Stevenson in pursuit of higher goals and feats in life. However, it is also dangerous, threatening to blaze out of control and consume its owner as he burns through energy stores.
- Shadow, represented by a Torso with a View. The black empty hole in ND's chest represents longing and a sense of being empty. Sometimes it's from a lack of romantic love, other times it's from a lack of caring about anything in general. In some cases, shadow leaks out from the hole, thought of as evil living inside him that threatens other people.
- Happily Married: ND and Molly end up as this in 2019.
- Instant Book Deal: This actually happened; ND talks about how he set up a Tumblr account and started posting the comic pages that he was developing for Sequential Art, gaining a following for Lord of the Rings fanart at first. An agent reached out when he started posting Nimona, and secured ND a book deal. The internship with Boom! Comics probably helped.
- It's a Costume Party, I Swear!: In 2012, ND is invited to a publicity event for The Avengers, which he assumes invites cosplay and so he comes dressed as Hawkeye. He turns out to be the only one in costume, but the effect is actually positive since more people come to greet him since he stands out from the crowd.
- It Makes Sense in Context: Some of Stevenson's Year in Review comics contained references to events that weren't described in public until this book, such as why a toothbrush in 2016 was considered important. (It was a clue from Molly that she wanted to date him.)
- Important Haircut: Inverted. Before the comics start, ND has already cut his hair "as short as it will go", and keeps it short styles for most of the years. As he begins to turn from drastic behaviors to settling down day by day, his hair begins to grow out long. In 2019, he remarks that "each inch is a reminder that I made it this far."
- Ivy League for Everyone: Subverted; ND attended the Maryland Institute College of Art, which has an accredited program. He says, however, that the experience gave him invaluable art skills, helped him build contacts with the internships and work in Los Angeles, and made him realize he wanted to go into comics and animation.
- Medium Blending: Partway through the 2018 Year In Review, the art is drawn on scanned post-it notes, reflecting Stevenson's increasing stress and urgency.
- Mood Whiplash: The Year In Review comics are typically positive, so it can be jarring to have them come right after comics about increasing stress and despair. Stevenson himself notes this in later Reviews, considering that he was pressuring himself to feel more optimistic than he really was.
- Real Women Don't Wear Dresses: In his 2019 comic, ND reflects on how in his teens he initially resented feminine expectations of his life, such as getting married in a church and wearing dresses. Now that he is older (and gayer), he finds that wearing a wedding dress which makes him feel "like a fucking fairy princess" and having an elaborate wedding is actually more of a blessing than he expected.
- Ridiculously Successful Future Self: Happens a few times when current ND meets up with his previous version, telling him of his future adventures or book deals and things he'll learn. Specifically, after learning he paid off his students loans in three years he gets stars in his eyes.
- Transparent Closet: ND discovers during Easter 2017 that his grandmother already figured out ND was gay and had accepted him, even asking about Molly. He even lampshades that he's "never been good at having secrets."ND's Grandmother: How's my little Noelle?noteND: I'm fine!ND's Grandmother: And how's Molly?ND: (*Sweat Drop*) ...She's fine too!*later*ND: (*furiously texting his mother*) Does Grandma know I'm gay?ND's Mother: Of course! She's not THAT naïve.
- Unresolved Sexual Tension: The comics from 2016 center on ND's growing affection toward Molly Ostertag, and overcoming his fear (he describes it by saying the first thing he did that year was "fall in love with someone I shouldn't have") to seriously pursue the relationship.
- Wingding Eyes: In the 2017 Review, 2011 ND has Star Eyes when 2017 ND tells him that he'll pay off all his student loans within five years.
