Quark: They're chasing us? Ficus, who are they? Ficus: Well, commander, there are three possibilities. Either they are the dreaded Gorgons, in which we'll probably all be killed, or they're the allies of the dreaded Gorgons- Quark: Ficus, I don't have time for long lists! Ficus: -in which case we'll probably also be killed. Quark: Ficus, what you're saying is that all possibilities end in our death.
Adam Quark: The Captain, who longs for glamorous assignments, but ends up picking up garbage bags. Often gets into adventures without meaning to.
The Bettys: The Bridge Bunnies, navigators and pilots of the ship. One of them is a clone of the other, but neither one will admit which. Both of them lust after Quark. Notably played by a pair of Doublemint gum twins.
Ficus Pandorata: The Spock taken to the extremes, he's a "Vegeton," a member of sentient plant race. He always speaks with Spock Speak, has no emotions at all, cares about no one, and breeds by pollinating.
A.I. Is a Crapshoot In the last episode, their ship gets a new computer called Vanessa, while proceeds to turn crazy and try to kill them in a parody of 2001: A Space Odyssey and the Star Trek episode "The Ultimate Computer"
All Hail the Great God Mickey!: "My ancestors were from a tribe called 'the Americans'. Archeological digs in California indicate they worshipped, and were ruled by, a fully clothed, giant mouse."
Lotus-Eater Machine In "Goodbye Polumbus," the Gorgons' machine designed to drain the minds of brilliant scientists traps the crew in their own fantasies, in a parody of the Star Trek episode "Shore Leave"
MacGuffin In "All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms," Zorgon demands Quark tell him where "it" is. Quark, having no idea what "it" is, lies. We never find out exactly what "it" is, but Quark ends up with a worthless rock necklace.
Oh My Aching Head: Dealing with Quark gave “the Head” migraines “the size of a super-nova!”
Perpetual Poverty When Palindrome and the Head have to send a telegram to Quark in the pilot, they end up spending the entire episode arguing about the cost of sending it and trying to reduce the number of words.
"People of Spartan, this is the High Gorgon. I command your unconditional surrender. You shall be treated with compassion, honor and patience. You have twenty seconds before I blow you out of the galaxy."
Despite the fact that "telegram" is an archaic term, the general principle of keeping messages short to save on costs is one that will probably be with us for many centuries to come. Today, in the early 21st century, users of cell phones typically keep text messages as short as possible so as to fall under their calling plan's texting limit, to the point of using standard abbreviations. The cost per bit of sending a transmission across interstellar distances would have to be enormous.
High Gorgon: I suggest you take a closer look at my space ship. Leader of the Spartans: A ship? We see no ship. All I see is a large maroon planet. High Gorgon: That is my space ship! Leader of the Spartans: pause Just give us a few minutes to move our things out of the palace.