Quotes / Major Injury Underreaction

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    Anime and Manga 

Well, at first I thought I'd slipped and fell in the rain, then I noticed the blood gushing from my stomach and leg, so I thought "Oh, I guess I was shot."
Shizuo Heiwajima, Durarara!!

Shizuo: Yo.
Shinra: Oh my God! What happened to you?
Shizuo: Eh, you know. Got shot.
Shinra: Your leg and abdominal muscles have taken considerable damage. How are you even walking around like this?!
Shizuo: Why? ...'Cause I can.

Man, I panicked too much. All I lost was my left arm.
Shirou, Fate/stay night

My Quinque... is gone? No... my right hand is what's gone.
Kureo Mado, Tokyo Ghoul

    Comic Books 

Tim Drake: How can you take a bullet and not bat an eye?
Cassandra Cain: You know that... kid game, "Two for Flinching?"
Tim Drake: Yeah. Oh, no. Don't tell me.
Cassandra Cain: My... dad and I played something like that.

    Film - Animated 

Oh, look at that. I've been impaled.
Olaf, Frozen

Fiona: There's an arrow in your butt!
Shrek: Oh, would you look at that?
Shrek

    Film - Live-Action 

I'm... I'm shot.
Quellek, Galaxy Quest

Axe: Did they really shoot me in the fucking head?
Marcus: Yeah, buddy.

Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No it isn't.
King Arthur: (points to the arm on the ground) Well, what's that then?!
Black Knight: I've had worse.
(they fight. Arthur lops the knight's other arm off and the knight keeps struggling)
King Arthur: You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine!
Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?
King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have!
King Arthur: LOOK!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound.
(The Black Knight kicks Arthur, who lops his leg off)
Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!
King Arthur: You'll WHAT?!
Black Knight: Come here!
King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?!
Black Knight: I'm invincible!
King Arthur: ...You're a loony.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then!
(Arthur, annoyed, lops his final leg off)
Black Knight: (Beat) ...All right, we'll call it a draw.
King Arthur: Come, Patsy.
(Arthur rides off)
Black Knight: Oh, oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

Interesting. I've been stabbed, and I've been hanged, and I've been burned. Even broken on the rack once, but I've never been shot before. (wiggles finger around inside fresh bullet wound) Kind of itches a little!
Maximilian, Vampire in Brooklyn

Lord Uxbridge: My God, sir, I've lost my leg.
The Duke of Wellington: My God, sir, so you have.

    Literature 

Ramirez: Bloody hell. Harry. There's a knife in my leg. When did that happen?
Harry: In the duel. Don't you remember?
Ramirez: I thought you'd stepped on me and sprained my ankle. Bloody hell. There's a knife in my guts. And they match.

Sir, I think I got nicked.
Dante-G188, Halo: Ghosts of Onyx

Phil: Well, this isn't too bad. My left leg is broken, but at least I'm right-legged. That's pretty fortunate.
Employee: Gee, I thought he'd say something more along the lines of "Aaaaah! My leg! My leg!"
A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill

Chapter Master Pedro Kantor: For Throne's sake, Alessio, you've lost a hand!
Captain Alessio Cortez: I didn't lose my hand. (points to it lying on the ground) It's right there!

Roman came tumbling past, bouncing across the walkway and skidding into a tree. So much of his skin and muscle was melted off that half his skeleton was visible. Green and yellow steam hissed around his body. He could still move, however, and wore a scowl on what remained of his face.

    Live-Action TV 

Ouch. Okay, that's really hot. Yeah, you could get a serious burn from that... In fact, I think I just did.
Jamie Hyenman, Mythbusters

Eddie: Is that a bit of your ear over there?
James: Pardon? Ha-ha! Oh, I rather think it is. Not to worry!
Eddie: "Ear" today, gone tomorrow, what?
Pride (2004 BBC film)

Lister: Kryten! Are you OK?
Kryten: I have a medium-sized fire axe buried in my spinal column. This sort of thing can really put a crimp on your day.

You shot me! I can't believe you just shot me!
Meg Masters, Supernatural, "Salvation"

He's surprisingly calm for a guy whose skeleton is exposed.
Daniel Tosh, Tosh0

    Music 

Tell me, why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag, now ... Can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore
I can't belch or yodel anymore
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated

Oh no, why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (yeah, yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze
But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "A Complicated Song"

    Tabletop Games 

The dead make good soldiers. They can't disobey orders, they never surrender, and they don't stop fighting when a random body part falls off.
Nevinyrral's Necromancer's Handbook, Magic: The Gathering, "Drudge Skeletons"

    Video Games 

Now I got this... tiny Injun boy, eyeballing me. Had to take his leg off. Damn thing's just... lying here between us. I sure wish he'd cry or something.
Preston E. Downs, Bioshock Infinite

I don't care! I like being on fire!
Headbanger, Brütal Legend

Kieran: Hey, Rhys! Nice day, isn't it.
Rhys: Oh, hello, Kier... (notices the axe lodged in his skull) Yaaaa! What happened to you?!
Kieran: Huh? What is it?
Rhys: Th-there's blood gushing down the side of your head!
Kieran: Hm? Why, so there is... Isn't that odd?
Rhys: "Odd?" Please, hold still! Just stay there! Let me get my heal staff.
Kieran: Heal staff? Bah! I'm fine. A scratch like this will heal itself! You should have seen the time I fought the Giant Scorpions of...

Shit! Not again!
Raiden, after losing an arm and eye to Sam, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

I think mine's cracked too... critical hit to the nads.
Yosuke Hanamura, Persona 4

Zombies tend to not give up easily. Kind of their whole thing, really. "Whatever, screw you, I didn't need that leg anyway."

Marine: Hannibal! I need a medic!
Medic: Who are you? I'm not able to get a reading on your medchip.
Marine: Corporal Thomas Alvarez. My medchip is damaged.
Medic: But your medchip's implanted in your heart!
Marine: I know... I'm looking at it right now.

I appear to have burst into flames.
The Spy, Team Fortress 2

Monster Kid: Undyne... You're... You're hurt...
Undyne: Hurt? It's nothing. Next time, listen when I tell you to leave, okay?
Monster Kid: Undyne... I...
Undyne: I'll take care of this! Get out of here!
(Monster Kid flees)
Undyne: Heh... "It's nothing"... No... s-somehow, with just one hit... I'm already... Already... D... damn it...

    Webcomics 

Thief: Doesn't it worry you to be, you know, aflame?
Red Mage: Are you kidding? This is great. This is like if Burning Hands was a seventh level spell. Maybe sixth... And anyway, it's auto-hit to boot! I could hug you for 3D4 [damage] per turn, Thief. Per turn. No, I'd be an idiot to give this up, thanks.
Thief: Of course. What was I thinking?
(Red Mage dies, but is resurrected by a spell he cast)
Thief: That doesn't hurt at all?
Red Mage: Hm?
Thief: The spell that brings you back.
Red Mage: Oh, it's quite excruciating. At least it isn't as bad as the burning.

Gordon Frohman: Sandy! Sandy! There you are! Quick, pull this pipe out of my midsection! It got stuck there when I accidentally shot myself in the hip and then fell of a ledge!
Sandy: And... the ornate axe in your head?
Frohman: Oh, leave that in. It takes my mind off my broken leg.
Sandy: I'm ditching you, idiot, before you get me killed.
Frohman: At least I think it's broken. Or did it always bend this way?
Concerned: The Half-Life and Death of Gordon Frohman

    Web Original 

The first three "symptoms you should not ignore" were rectal bleeding, loss of height, and sudden blindness! Who ignores sudden blindness? Who sits in the office at lunchtime going "Oh, who turned out the lights? Oh, no, I can't see a thing, it's awful, I'm no use to anyone today. I'll answer phones, that's all I can do, that's all I'll be good for today. Oh, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss."

Well. That's unfortunate.
Qrow Branwen, RWBY

    Western Animation 

(as promised, Sparks and Captain Murphy meet in Hell)
Sparks: So, how's the lava bath treatin' you?
Capt. Murphy: Oh, you know. Mind-blowing pain.
Sparks: Ohhh yeah.
Capt. Murphy: How's 'bout you?
Sparks: Oh, ass full of red-hot coals.
Capt. Murphy: Ass full of red-hot coals.
Sparks: Ohhh yeah.
Capt. Murphy: Your, ah, entire ass? Just packed full of red-hot coals?
Sparks: Right to the rim, baby.
Capt. Murphy: (sigh) You lucky bastard.

    Real Life 

Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose.
President Theodore Roosevelt


http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/MajorInjuryUnderReaction