Quotes / Major Injury Underreaction

"I appear to have burst into flames."
The Spy, Team Fortress 2

"I think mine's cracked too...critical hit to the nads."
Yosuke Hanamura, Persona 4

"My Quinque... is gone? No... my right hand is what's gone."
Kureo Mado, Tokyo Ghoul

"I don't care! I like being on fire!"
Headbanger, Brütal Legend

Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No it isn't.
King Arthur: (points to the arm on the ground) Well, what's that then?!
Black Knight: I've had worse.
**They fight. Arthur lops the knight's other arm off and the knight keeps fighting**
King Arthur: You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine!
Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?
King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have!
King Arthur: LOOK!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound.
**The Black Knight kicks Arthur, who lops his leg off**
Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!
King Arthur: You'll WHAT?!
Black Knight: Come here!
King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?!
Black Knight: I'm invincible!
King Arthur: ...You're a loony.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then!
**Arthur, annoyed, lops his final leg off**
Black Knight: (Beat) ...All right, we'll call it a draw.
King Arthur: Come, Patsy.
**Arthur rides off**
Black Knight: Oh, oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

The first three "symptoms you should not ignore" were rectal bleeding, loss of height, and sudden blindness! Who ignores sudden blindness? Who sits in the office at lunchtime going "Oh, who turned out the lights? Oh, no, I can't see a thing, it's awful, I'm no use to anyone today. I'll answer phones, that's all I can do, that's all I'll be good for today. Oh, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss."

Now I got this... tiny Injun boy, eyeballing me. Had to take his leg off. Damn thing's just...lying here between us. I sure wish he'd cry or something.
Preston E. Downs, Bioshock Infinite

Phil: Well, this isn't too bad. My left leg is broken, but at least I'm right-legged. That's pretty fortunate.''
Employee: Gee, I thought he'd say something more along the lines of 'Aaaaah! My leg! My leg!'
A Series of Unfortunate Events : The Miserable Mill

"Sir, I think I got nicked."
Dante-G188, Halo: Ghosts of Onyx

"I'm... I'm shot."
Quellek, Galaxy Quest

"Well, at first I thought I'd slipped and fell in the rain, then I noticed the blood gushing from my stomach and leg, so I thought 'Oh, I guess I was shot.'"
Shizuo Heiwajima, Durarara!!

"Oh, look at that. I've been impaled."
Olaf, Frozen

"He's surprisingly calm for a guy who's skeleton is exposed."
Daniel Tosh, Tosh0

"You shot me! I can't believe you just shot me!"
Meg Masters, Supernatural, "Salvation"

Roman came tumbling past, bouncing across the walkway and skidding into a tree. So much of his skin and muscle was melted off that half his skeleton was visible. Green and yellow steam hissed around his body. He could still move, however, and wore a scowl on what remained of his face.

[thinking] Welp, my nose is definitely broken. That's what you get for grandstanding, Max. Play it cool, he doesn't need to know. Just think of a totally boss thing to say.
Maxima, Grrl Power

Fiona: There's an arrow in your butt!
Shrek: (looks at the arrow in his butt) Oh, would you look at that?

Eddie: Is that a bit of your ear over there?
James: Pardon? Ha-ha! Oh, I rather think it is. Not to worry!
Eddie: "Ear" today, gone tomorrow, what?
Pride (2004 BBC film)

"I haven't lost an arm, brother. It's over there."

"Shit! Not again!"
Raiden, after losing an arm and eye to Sam, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

Monster Kid: Undyne... You're... You're hurt...
Undyne: Hurt? It's nothing. Next time, listen when I tell you to leave, okay?
Monster Kid: Undyne... I...
Undyne: I'll take care of this! Get out of here!
The monster kid leaves
Undyne: Heh... "It's nothing"... No... s-somehow, with just one hit... I'm already... Already... D... damn it...

Interesting. I've been stabbed, and I've been hanged, and I've been burned. Even broken on the rack once, but I've never been shot before. (wiggles finger around inside fresh bullet wound) Kind of itches a little!
Maximilian, Vampire in Brooklyn

"The dead make excellent soldiers: they can't disobey orders, [they] never surrender, and [they] don't stop fighting when a random body part falls off." —Nevinyrral, Necromancer's Handbook

"Tell me, why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag, now ... Can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore
I can't belch or yodel anymore
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated

Oh no, why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (yeah, yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeeze
But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no"
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "A Complicated Song"

"Zombies tend to not give up easily. Kind of their whole thing, really. 'Whatever, screw you, I didn't need that leg anyway'."