"I appear to have burst into flames."

"I don't care! I like being on fire!"

"Man, I panicked too much. All I lost was my left arm."

Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No it isn't.
King Arthur: (points to the arm on the ground) Well, what's that then?!
Black Knight: I've had worse.
**They fight. Arthur lops the knight's other arm off and the knight keeps fighting**

King Arthur: You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine!
Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?
King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have!
King Arthur: LOOK!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound.
**The Black Knight kicks Arthur, who lops his leg off**

Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!
King Arthur: You'll WHAT?!
Black Knight: Come here!
King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?!
Black Knight: I'm invincible!
King Arthur: ...You're a loony.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you!
**Arthur, annoyed, lops his final leg off**

Black Knight: Beat ...All right, we'll call it a draw.
King Arthur: Come, Patsy.
**Arthur rides off**
Black Knight: Oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

The first three "symptoms you should not ignore" were rectal bleeding, loss of height, and sudden blindness! Who ignores sudden blindness? Who sits in the office at lunchtime going "Oh, who turned out the lights? Oh, no, I can't see a thing, it's awful, I'm no use to anyone today. I'll answer phones, that's all I can do, that's all I'll be good for today. Oh, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss."

Sir, I think I got nicked.