Funny: The Empire Strikes Back

  • "Never tell me the odds!"
    C-3PO: But sir! The odds of surviving a direct assault on an Imperial Star Destroyer are-
    Leia: SHUT UP!!
  • This dialogue, when Leia tries to convince Han not to leave:
    Han: You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.
    Leia: Yes. You're a great help to us. You're a natural leader.
    Han: No! That's not it! Come on! Ahhhhh, come on!
    Leia: You're imagining things!
    Han: Am I, then why are you following me? Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
    Leia: I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee!
    Han: I can arrange that. [walking away] You could USE A GOOD KISS!!
    [Leia sees someone listening to their conversation... Who turns around and hurriedly makes himself scarce.]
    • Later:
    C-3PO: Excuse me sir, but mind if I have a word with you?
    Han: What do you want?
    C-3PO: It's Princess Leia, she's been trying to get you on the communicator—
    Han: I turned it off, I don't wanna talk to her!
    C-3PO: Oh, well, Princess Leia is wondering about Master Luke. He hasn't come back yet. She doesn't know where he is.
    Han: I don't know where he is!
    C-3PO: Nobody knows where he is.
    Han: What do you mean nobody knows?
    C-3PO: Well, you see—
    Han: Deck officer? Deck officer!?
    C-3PO: Excuse me sir, but—
    [Han covers C-3PO's mouth, as he talks to the officer.]
    Han: Did anyone see Skywalker come in?
    Officer: No sir. It's possible he came in through the south entrance.
    Han: Possible? Why don't you go find out? It's getting dark outside.
    Officer: Yes sir.
    [Han removes his hand from 3PO]
    C-3PO: Excuse me, sir, but might I inquire to ask what's going on?
    Han: (in deep thought) Why not? (walks away)
    C-3PO: Hmph. Impossible man. Come along R2. Just between ourselves, I think Master Luke is in considerable danger.
  • C-3PO must find Han's attitude aggravating:
    C-3PO: Sir, if I may venture an opinion?
    Han: I'm not interested in your opinion, 3PO.
  • Off-screen, Han getting hit on the head with a toolbox.
  • Yoda rummaging through Luke's supplies and beating on R2 with his stick when the droid interferes.
    (Yoda gets Luke's little flashlight)
    Luke: Hey, give me that!
    Yoda: Mine! Or I will help you not!
    Luke: I don't want your help, I want my lamp back. I'm gonna need it to get out of this slimy mudhole.
    Yoda: Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is!
    • It gets even funnier after Luke orders R2 to back down. R2's arm withdraws into a panel, which Yoda proceeds to cheerfully tap shut with his stick.
    • Made even better by the prequels: R2 knows exactly who Yoda is and what he's pulling.
  • After Lando ratted out on Han and tried to gain Leia's trust by opening Chewie's handcuffs, Chewie decides to play Strango Calrissian
    C-3PO: What are you doing? Trust him! Trust him!
    • Additionally, as Lando is removing Chewie's handcuffs, Leia's saying, "Do you think that after what you did to Han, that we're going to trust—" And right as she finishes with "—you?", Chewie's hands are free, and he decides to, ahem, voice that opinion also. A bit more strenuously.
    • Also, as Lando tries to get out his explanation through chokes and wheezes, C-3PO is able to understand the word "Han." Who woulda guessed that one of Threepio's fluencies was "Strangled Basic"?
  • In an otherwise dark, foreboding scene, we have Leia's amused comment after Han punches Lando:
    Leia: You certainly have a way with people.
  • "Laugh it up, fuzzball!"
  • After Lando takes command of the Falcon, the look on Chewie and Leia's faces when the hyperdrive doesn't work for the third time in the film is just priceless. They just look at each other with incredulous resignation. And then Lando and Chewie start going crazy while Leia slumps dejectedly into a chair.
    Lando: They told me they fixed it! I trusted them! It's not my fault!
    (Chewie then pushes Lando out of his way to fix it, again.)
  • "Artoo, come back here at once; you haven't finished with me yet! You don't know how to fix the hyperdrive! Chewbacca can do it! I'm standing here in pieces and you're having delusions of grandeur!" Of course, seconds later, Artoo does fix the hyperdrive. (And he slides bodily into a maintenance pit for his trouble.)
    C-3PO: You DID it!
    • Plus, remember what is at the bottom of that maintenance pit: Chewbacca.
  • When 3PO finds another droid like him in Cloud City, he ends up getting dissed.
    C-3PO: Nice to see a familiar face.
    E-3PO: E chu ta!
    C-3PO: How rude!
  • More of the Black Comedy variety, but the rapid rate of Vader's removal of incompetent officers basically becomes a Running Gag.
    • Piett's on-the-spot promotion happens before Ozzel's body hits the floor.
    • The look on Captain Piett's face during this is hilarious, trying to keep track of his conversation with Vader, while ignoring the man being slowly force-choked to death next to him. His surprised eye-twitch and his nod offscreen at the end are equally amusing, since he's basically giving the signal, "What he said. And, uh, can you please send someone to remove this body?" And when Vader called for Piett, Ozzel was polite enough to take a step back even while dying.
    • When Ozzel's body hits the floor, a random officer in the back of the room turns around and looks up at the viewscreen nervously. You only see his face for about a second, but it's hysterical.
    • Captain Needa and his bridge crew doing a trademarked Star Trek Screen Shake as they collide with another Star Destroyer. He orders evasive action, then they collide and everyone throws themselves onto the nearest wall. Amusingly, one crewman walking off-screen seems completely unaffected by it.
    • When Captain Needa hops into a transport and flies to the Executor to inform Vader that the Millenium Falcon has escaped, the next shot is of him doubled-over as he dies, while Vader steps around his corpse.
      Darth Vader: "Apology accepted, Captain Needa."
      • Immediately after this, Vader nonchalantly signals to a couple of officers who are standing right there. They just as nonchalantly dart forward and haul the body out of there, like this happens all the time for them.
      • After killing Needa, Vader turns around and the Imperial crewmen who were watching immediately get back to work.
    • After the Falcon escapes from Bespin Vader stares blankly out of the window. The crewmen watch nervously as he approaches them...and walks on by. Apparently Vader was too depressed to do a You Have Failed Me.
      • Once again Piett's reaction is priceless. You can clearly read in his eyes that he's thinking "I am so about to die, this is it, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm . . . not dead?" as Vader walks straight past and off the bridge.
      • Additionally, as Vader walks off the bridge, he walks past an officer who apparently has not been paying any attention to anything that has been going on, and looks around the bridge slightly confused when Vader walks past.
    • Adding onto this is when Vader does the holoconference with his captains. We see an asteroid obliterate the conning tower of a Star Destroyer and then in the holoconference, one of the captains fades as he tries to shield himself.
  • Luke's reaction to Leia's kiss, and Han's reaction to both.
    • Also C-3PO's reaction to the entire situation.
    • And Chewbacca's unintelligible mocking laugh to Han.
  • Possibly Han's best line ever:
    C-3PO: Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable.
    Han: "Not entirely stable?" Well, I'm glad you're here to tell us these things. Chewie, take the Professor in back and plug him into the hyperdrive!
    C-3PO: Sometimes I just don't understand human behaviors. After all, I'm only doing my job...
  • While briefing the Bounty Hunters on he pursuit of the Millennium Falcon, He tells them that he wants the crew alive, then specifically turns to Boba Fett and calls him out:
    Vader: No disintegrations!
    Boba Fett: As you wish.
    That day, Vader was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day he realized he truly loved him back.
  • It's a quick moment, but after the Falcon finally gets away from Vader and company at the end, Vader turns away from the window, then does a brief double-take back to the window as if to say, "What? Seriously?"
    • Then he exasperatedly walks away as his officers nervously look on, wary of their tracheas being imminently crushed. This movie could be renamed "Skywalkers Have To Deal With Everyone's Crap".
  • Yoda just generally trolling the crap out of Luke when they first meet (even more Hilarious in Hindsight once you've seen the full set of films and know who Yoda actually is).
    Luke: Listen, friend, we didn't mean to land in that puddle, and if we could get our ship out, we would, but we can't, so why don't you just-
    Yoda: Aww! Cannot get your ship out!
    • R2 and Yoda fighting over a flashlight. After the events of The Clone Wars, R2's probably been dying to troll Yoda.
  • Yoda and Luke having very different tastes in food. When Yoda first tries out one of Luke's ration sticks, he immediately hacks it back up, before quipping to Luke, "How you get so big eating food of this kind?!". Luke gets a similar experience when he tries some of Yoda's stew. He then added a little seasoning to make it taste a little better.
  • Every single time Han or Chewie try to fix the Falcon:
  • R2 getting eaten by some swamp creature, which promptly spits him back out, and his shrill yowl as he sails through the air and lands in the brush.
  • Han tries to start the Falcon's engines, which then promptly die, so he hits the bulkhead with his fist and they come back on again.
  • Luke is practicing some kind of levitation exercise, lifting rocks with the Force while doing a headstand and with Yoda balanced on top of his foot. R2 notices the X-wing is sinking deeper into the swamp, which prompts him to whistle at Luke, which distracts him ... and he drops the rock and falls to the ground, bringing Yoda with him. Yoda panicking and yelling "ConcenTRATE!!" as Luke topples over is priceless.
  • While he's on Dagobah, Yoda takes Luke to his house. After an argument about how Luke can't be a Jedi because he's too old, he starts speaking to Obi-Wan. Luke is able to hear the conversation too, and right as he's yelling at Ben telling him to tell Yoda that he can be a Jedi Luke hits his head on the low ceiling.