Funny / The Empire Strikes Back
"Mine, or I will help you not."
  • "Never tell me the odds!"
    C-3PO: But sir! The odds of surviving a direct assault on an Imperial Star Destroyer are-
    Leia: SHUT UP!!
  • This dialogue, when Leia tries to convince Han not to leave:
    Han: You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.
    Leia: Yes. You're a great help to us. You're a natural leader.
    Han: No! That's not it! Come on! Ahhhhh, come on!
    Leia: You're imagining things!
    Han: Am I, then why are you following me? Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
    Leia: I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee!
    Han: I can arrange that. [walking away] You could USE A GOOD KISS!!
    [Leia sees someone listening to their conversation... Who turns around and hurriedly makes himself scarce.]
    • Later:
    C-3PO: Excuse me sir. Might I have a word with you, please?
    Han: What do you want?
    C-3PO: Well, it's Princess Leia, sir, she's been trying to get you on the communi—
    Han: I turned it off, I don't wanna talk to her!
    C-3PO: Oh, well, Princess Leia is wondering about Master Luke. He hasn't come back yet. She doesn't know where he is.
    Han: I don't know where he is!
    C-3PO: Nobody knows where he is.
    Han: What do you mean nobody knows?
    C-3PO: Well, you see—
    Han: Deck officer? Deck officer!?
    C-3PO: Excuse me sir, but—
    [Han covers C-3PO's mouth, as he talks to the officer.]
    Officer: Yes, sir?
    Han: Do you know where Commander Skywalker is?
    Officer: I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the south entrance.
    Han: Possible? Why don't you go find out? It's getting dark out there.
    Officer: Yes sir.
    [Han removes his hand from 3PO]
    C-3PO: Excuse me, sir, but might I inquire to ask what's going on?
    Han: (in deep thought) Why not? (walks away)
    C-3PO: Impossible man. Come along R2, let's go find Princess Leia. Between ourselves, I think Master Luke is in considerable danger.
  • C-3PO must find Han's attitude aggravating:
    C-3PO: Sir, if I may venture an opinion?
    Han: I'm not interested in your opinion, 3PO.
  • Off-screen, Han getting hit on the head with a toolbox while trying to fix the Hyperdrive. Even funnier when you know this was an on-set accident, and they left it in because it was so funny.
  • Yoda rummaging through Luke's supplies and beating on R2 with his stick when the droid interferes.
    (Yoda gets Luke's little flashlight)
    Luke: Hey, give me that!
    Yoda: Mine! Or I will help you not!
    Luke: I don't want your help, I want my lamp back. I'm gonna need it to get out of this slimy mudhole.
    Yoda: Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is!
    • It gets even funnier after Luke orders R2 to back down. R2's arm withdraws into a panel, which Yoda proceeds to cheerfully tap shut with his stick.
    • Made even better by the prequel trilogy and The Clone Wars: R2 knows exactly who Yoda is and what he's pulling.
  • After Lando ratted out on Han and tried to gain Leia's trust by opening Chewie's handcuffs, Chewie decides to play Strango Calrissian
    C-3PO: What are you doing? Trust him! Trust him!
    • Additionally, as Lando is removing Chewie's handcuffs, Leia's saying, "Do you think that after what you did to Han, that we're going to trust—" And right as she finishes with "—you?", Chewie's hands are free, and he decides to, ahem, voice that opinion also. A bit more strenuously. It's even funnier when you realize why Chewie did it as soon as his hands are untied: He's been waiting for that moment. Previously, Lando was always guarded by his security guards, or surrounded by Imperials. Then, when Lando is finally alone, it has become a good chance for Chewie to immediately express a physical version of Et Tu, Brute?/What the Hell, Hero?.
    • Also, as Lando tries to get out his explanation through chokes and wheezes, C-3PO is able to understand the word "Han." Who woulda guessed that one of Threepio's fluencies was "Strangled Basic"?
  • In an otherwise dark, foreboding scene, we have Leia's amused comment after Han punches Lando:
    Leia: You certainly have a way with people.
  • This scene after Luke is saved from freezing to death:
    Han: Well, you're worship, looks like you managed to keep me around a little while longer.
    Leia: I had nothing to do with it. General Rieekan thinks it's too dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we've activated the energy field.
    Han: That's a good story. I just think you can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight.
    Leia: I don't where you get your delusions, laser brain.
    (Chewbacca laughs)
    Han: Laugh it up, fuzzball, but you didn't see us alone in the south passage. She expressed her true feelings for me.
    Leia: My...? Why you stuck-up...half-witted...scruffy-looking...NERF HERDER!
    Han: Who's ''scruffy-looking?
  • After Lando takes command of the Falcon, the look on Chewie and Leia's faces when the hyperdrive doesn't work for the third time in the film is just priceless. They just look at each other with incredulous resignation. And then Lando and Chewie start going crazy while Leia slumps dejectedly into a chair.
    Lando: They told me they fixed it! I trusted them! It's not my fault!
    (Chewie then pushes Lando out of his way to fix it, again.)
  • "Artoo, come back here at once; you haven't finished with me yet! You don't know how to fix the hyperdrive! Chewbacca can do it! I'm standing here in pieces and you're having delusions of grandeur!" (Of course, seconds later, Artoo does fix the hyperdrive, and he slides bodily into a maintenance pit for his trouble.)
    C-3PO: You DID it!
    • Plus, remember what is at the bottom of that maintenance pit: Chewbacca.
  • When 3PO finds another droid like him in Cloud City, he ends up getting dissed.
    C-3PO: Nice to see a familiar face.
    E-3PO: E chu ta!
    C-3PO: How rude!
  • More of the Black Comedy variety, but the rapid rate of Vader's removal of incompetent officers basically becomes a Running Gag.
    • Piett's on-the-spot promotion happens before Ozzel's body hits the floor.
    • The look on Captain Piett's face during this is hilarious, trying to keep track of his conversation with Vader, while ignoring the man being slowly force-choked to death next to him. His surprised eye-twitch and his nod offscreen at the end are equally amusing, since he's basically giving the signal, "What he said. And, uh, can you please send someone to remove this body?" And when Vader called for Piett, Ozzel was polite enough to take a step back even while dying.
    • When Ozzel's body hits the floor, a random officer in the back of the room turns around and looks up at the viewscreen nervously. You only see his face for about a second, but it's hysterical.
    • Captain Needa and his bridge crew doing a trademarked Star Trek Screen Shake as they collide with another Star Destroyer. He orders evasive action, then they collide and everyone throws themselves onto the nearest wall. Amusingly, one crewman walking off-screen seems completely unaffected by it.
    • When Captain Needa hops into a transport and flies to the Executor to inform Vader that the Millenium Falcon has escaped, the next shot is of him doubled-over as he dies, while Vader steps around his corpse.
      Darth Vader: "Apology accepted, Captain Needa."
      • Immediately after this, Vader nonchalantly signals to a couple of officers who are standing right there. They just as nonchalantly dart forward and haul the body out of there, like this happens all the time for them.
      • After killing Needa, Vader turns around and the Imperial crewmen who were watching immediately get back to work.
    • After the Falcon escapes from Bespin Vader stares blankly out of the window. The crewmen watch nervously as he approaches them...and walks on by. Apparently Vader was too depressed to do a You Have Failed Me.
      • Once again Piett's reaction is priceless. You can clearly read in his eyes that he's thinking "I am so about to die, this is it, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm . . . not dead?" as Vader walks straight past and off the bridge.
      • Additionally, as Vader walks off the bridge, he walks past an officer who apparently has not been paying any attention to anything that has been going on, and looks around the bridge slightly confused when Vader walks past.
    • Adding onto this is when Vader does the holoconference with his captains. We see an asteroid obliterate the conning tower of a Star Destroyer and then in the holoconference, one of the captains fades as he tries to shield himself.
  • Luke's reaction to Leia's kiss, and Han's reaction to both.
    • Also C-3PO's reaction to the entire situation.
    • And Chewbacca's unintelligible mocking laugh to Han.
  • Possibly Han's best line ever:
    C-3PO: Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable.
    Han: "Not entirely stable?" Well, I'm glad you're here to tell us these things. Chewie, take the Professor in back and plug him into the hyperdrive!
    C-3PO: Sometimes I just don't understand human behaviors. After all, I'm only doing my job...
  • While briefing the Bounty Hunters on he pursuit of the Millennium Falcon, He tells them that they're "free to use any methods necessary", but that he wants the crew alive, then specifically turns to Boba Fett and calls him out:
    Vader: No disintegrations!
    Boba Fett: As you wish.
    That day, Vader was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day he realized he truly loved him back.
    • The best part is Fett's response- he just sorta looks down dejectedly, as if he were silently complaining.
      • Or even better— given that the rest of the series really doesn't paint Consummate Professional Fett as the Blood Knight maniac Vader's statement implies— that there was that one time something went awry and now Vader just sees Boba Fett as "the disintegration guy" and Fett just now has to begrudgingly accept it.
  • It's a quick moment, but after the Falcon finally gets away from Vader and company at the end, Vader turns away from the window, then does a brief double-take back to the window as if to say, "What? Seriously?"
    • Then he exasperatedly walks away as his officers nervously look on, wary of their tracheas being imminently crushed. This movie could be renamed "Skywalkers Have To Deal With Everyone's Crap".
  • Yoda just generally trolling the crap out of Luke when they first meet (even more Hilarious in Hindsight once you've seen the full set of films(and The Clone Wars) and know who Yoda actually is, and the fact that R2-D2 knows it too).
    Luke: Listen, friend, we didn't mean to land in that puddle, and if we could get our ship out, we would, but we can't, so why don't you just-
    Yoda: Aww! Cannot get your ship out!
    • R2 and Yoda fighting over a flashlight. After the events of The Clone Wars, R2's probably been dying to troll Yoda.
  • Yoda and Luke having very different tastes in food. When Yoda first tries out one of Luke's ration sticks, he immediately hacks it back up, before quipping to Luke, "How you get so big eating food of this kind?!". Luke gets a similar experience when he tries some of Yoda's stew. He then added a little seasoning to make it taste a little better.
  • Every single time Han or Chewie try to fix the Falcon:
  • R2 getting eaten by some swamp creature, which promptly spits him back out, and his shrill yowl as he sails through the air and lands in the brush.
    • Though sadly altered in the Special Edition, there's Luke's quip to R2 as he helps the filthy droid back up.
    Luke: You're lucky you don't taste very good. / You were lucky to get out of there.note 
  • Han tries to start the Falcon's engines, which then promptly die, so he hits the bulkhead with his fist and they come back on again.
    • Immediately followed by this golden exchange
    Han: It might!
  • Luke is practicing some kind of levitation exercise, lifting rocks with the Force while doing a headstand and with Yoda balanced on top of his foot. R2 notices the X-wing is sinking deeper into the swamp, which prompts him to whistle at Luke, which distracts him ... and he drops the rock and falls to the ground, bringing Yoda with him. Yoda panicking and yelling "ConcenTRATE!!" as Luke topples over is priceless.
    • Yoda apparently learns his lesson. The second time he has Luke do this exercise he's standing off to the side and far out of range of falling objects.
  • While he's on Dagobah, Yoda takes Luke to his house. After an argument about how Luke can't be a Jedi because he's too old, he starts speaking to Obi-Wan. Luke is able to hear the conversation too, and right as he's yelling at Ben telling him to tell Yoda that he can be a Jedi Luke hits his head on the low ceiling.
    • And apparently, Mark Hamill had to do that exact take 14 times—he had quite a lump on his head after they were done!
  • R2-D2 turning into a fire extinguisher.note 
  • Also: The scene where Yoda goes through Luke's supplies and fights R2-D2 over food.
  • And also: The Millenium Falcon is having trouble evading Imperial TIE Fighters. Han yells for Chewie to get him the hydrospanner. Chewie brings the tool tray over to Han's workplace (a hole in the floor). Han grabs the tool and ducks back down. The ship rocks, and the tool tray falls on Han's head.
  • This is sort of a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, but this conversation between Threepio and Artoo on Hoth is hysterical:
    Threepio: Don't try to blame me. I didn't tell you to turn on the thermal heater, I merely commented that it was freezing in the princess's chambers.
    Artoo: beep beep beep.
    Threepio: But it's supposed to be freezing! How we're going to dry out all her clothes, I'll never know, but -
    Artoo: *bleeps sourly*
    Threepio: Oh, switch off!
  • When they find out that the cave they landed in isn't a cave.
    Han: All right, Chewie, let's get out of here!
    Leia: The Empire is still out there, I don't think it's wise—
    Han: No time to discuss this in a committee!
    (3PO comes after them, then stumbles back down the hallway he came out of with a girly scream)
  • When Han and Leia are making out in the passageway onboard the Falcon, after while 3PO ruins the moment by excitedly walking in on them and giving them some irrelevant news about the hyperdrive. Han's reaction to being cockblocked by a droid is hilarious.
    • There's also a simple fact that Leia is somewhat calmer and more submissive (such as when she dejectedly instead of infuriatedly asked "No lightspeed?") after she and Han kissed. Yes, Leia, you love him because he's a scoundrel.
  • The situation is very serious, but Luke and Vader's duel in Bespin is darkly funny in spots if you think about it. Luke keeps thwarting Vader and causing him to lose his cool: when he sprays carbonite mist in his face, when he pushes him off a platform, and when he nicks him in the arm. Vader actually cries out in pain and surprise during those last two, and one gets the feeling he lops off Luke's hand at least partly because he's getting fed up of the boy refusing to surrender and causing him to act so undignified.
  • In behind-the-scenes footage, Mark Hamill pulls the little snake out of the X-Wing's engine; it bites him as he's being fed Yoda's lines.
    Mark: "Ow! It f—in' bit me!"
    Crewmember: "It bit you?"
    Mark: "Yeah! [to another crewmember] Didn't he bite me? He just took—it was a little love-nip!"
  • One that probably wasn't meant to be funny but ended up that way: Near the beginning, Vader turns around and raises his voice slightly to address General Veers. The camera then pans ever-so-slightly to the side to reveal Veers standing literally 6 inches away from Vader
  • Every single time Millennium Falcon becomes a spaceship version of The Alleged Car, really.
  • Meta-example: The way Irvin Kirshner described the moment he revealed the real twist to Mark Hamill.
    "You know, Darth Vader's your father." "Whaa?"
  • Upon approaching Dagobah, Luke assures R2 that it is perfectly safe for droids. Moments later, they have very serious difficulty while trying to land, and R2's screaming repeatedly as if saying "Dammit! I thought you said it was safe!"
  • When Luke is invited by this odd small green alien to his house, Luke told R2 to stay at their camp (near their starship). Two scenes later, R2 quietly follows them to the house to take a peek from one the house's windows and beeps curiously. Fridge Brilliance after you've watched Prequel Trilogy, as R2 knows that odd small green alien is Yoda, the Jedi Master they're looking for. So R2, after witnessing how Yoda pretending to be a silly little alien, is probably wondering what the old Jedi Master was trying to do to troll Luke. Later, in several shots during the scene after Yoda revealed his identity, R2 can still be seen peeking from outside the window.
  • C-3PO's objection R2's explanation about being told something by the city's central computer.
    C-3PO: R2-D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer.