Funny / The Cleveland Show

  • At the end of the opening credits, Cleveland's family is dancing in step with each other, but not in time with the music.
  • Cleveland meets Tim the Bear for the first time on the pilot episode: "Ahhh! A bear!" "Ahhh! A black man!"
  • "Oooooooooooooooooooooo-bama!"
  • Identifying a rapist at a Star Trek convention.
    Cop: Who here is not a virgin?
    Man raises hand
    Cop: You're under arrest.
  • Cleveland trying to resuscitate Rallo after he nearly drowns.
    Cleveland: Oh my God! If you die, I am never getting laid again!
  • Cleveland obsessing over Justin Bieber's "Baby" on the episode "The Men in Me", just as Peter did with "Surfin' Bird" on the episode "I Dream of Jesus."
  • Cleveland Jr's in-memory-of tribute in "Our Gang"
    Cleveland: He's not dead, yet!
    • Cleveland's Delayed Reaction to being told he's stolen and destroyed a drugs stash from a dangerous street gang, with which he is eventually running around the room frantically squealing like a pig.
    Cleveland: YEEEE!!! YEEEE!!! YEEEE!!! I'M GONNA DIE!! I'M GONNA DIE !!! YEEEE!!! I accused them of fornicating their own mothers!!! Gotta dump the coke (picks up a bag of coke and runs frantically up the stairs) WHY!! IS!! THIS!! HAP!!! EN!!! ING!!! TO!!! ME-E-E!!!
    • At the end, all the gang members decide to get regular jobs because being a criminal is incredibly stressfull.
    Teenage Girl: I'm gonna keep my next baby!
  • "A Brown Thanksgiving". Cleveland's dad and Auntie Mama had sex. Cleveland happens to know the latter is a man. So while they keep doing suggestive things involving the turkey, Cleveland keeps puking, eventually covering the whole table in it.
    Cleveland Jr.: Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
    • Made even funnier after Auntie Momma leaves and Cleveland tells his dad about her. They are outside the house, and their dialogue is completley inaudible, but after his dad finally realizes, he pukes against the window. Made even more funnier by the dialogue after
    Cleveland: Says her real name's Kevin.
    Cleveland's dad: * pukes*
    Cleveland: Been hiding the candy for 36 years.
    Cleveland's dad: * pukes*
    Cleveland: You...
    Cleveland's dad: * pukes*
    Cleveland: Had sex...
    Cleveland's dad: * pukes*
    Cleveland: With a man!
    Cleveland's dad: * pukes*
  • The episode "The Curious Case of Jr. Working at The Stool" has a scene near the end with Cleveland and his friends at the bar. Not knowing that their beers have been replaced with non-alcoholic beer as part of Cleveland Jr.'s revenge scheme, they seem to be slightly intolerant of each other and their attitudes, which results in a fight breaking out between the four of them. The fight gets triggered by Cleveland punching Lester in the head and Holt starts fighting with Cleveland as a result. Tim, almost unprovoked, hits Lester in the back of the head, to which we get this exchange:
    Lester: What the hell was that for?!
    Tim: This is what's happening. Deal with it! *punches Lester again*
    • The fight gets broken up when Cleveland Jr. shows up and explains what he had done, but not before Tim has grievously harmed Lester in an attempt to eat him.
    Lester: (shakily) I'm glad you're all made up and everything...but can SOMEONE GET ME TO A HOSPITAL?!?
    • Cleveland, Lester, Tim the Bear, and Holt being forced to drink at the children's section of a public library after Cleveland Jr. and Gus begin changing the bar to cater to pretentious hipsters.
  • "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Roberta?": Raymond (Tim and Arianna's stoner son) getting hit by one of the racecars (which does more damage to the car than to himself) and blurting, "I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat," before passing out (from being stoned, not getting hit by the car).
    • Roberta's boyfriend getting busted for crashing his car and sentenced to the Deportation Catapult. Seriously, that whole scene was priceless.
    • Kendra and Donna getting thrown out of the spa after Kendra mistook a Jacuzzi for a toilet.
    Kendra: *after Donna tells Cleveland over the phone* Please dont tell people...
    • As soon as Donna leaves with Kendra, Cleveland is left with the task of trying to bring Roberta under control:
    Cleveland *Calmly*: Roberta, go to your room.
    Roberta: Fuuuuuck you! *Walks away*
    Cleveland: *Almost immediately bursts into tears*
  • From "Field of Streams":
    • Terry and Cleveland fighting the old ladies at the mall and the Brick Joke of the old ladies coming back to finish the job.
    • The show dedicating the cutaway of Mr. Waterman having an orgasmnote  after Terry rummages in Waterman's pockets for his check and Tim the Bear quipping, "I'll have what he's having!" to Meg Ryan's original face (born 1961, died 2003). According to the DVD commentary, the writer of this episode actually hated the "Dedicated to Meg Ryan's Original Face" memorial screen sight gag, as he felt it was too much like a Family Guy joke (never mind that "American Dad" and another episode of "The Cleveland Show" also had burns against Meg Ryan's looks).
    • After they fix the baseball field, the pep squad attempts to set up there, only for Cleveland to chase them away with a hose.
    • Farquad wetting his pants, both back when he and Cleveland were teenagers, and again in present day when Cleveland is chasing him for insulting Junior.
    • Miley Cyrus' Bad "Bad Acting" in the cutaway of her starring as Faye Dunaway's character on Chinatown.
  • "From Bed to Worse": Rallo crying after he threw himself down the stairs and accusing Cleveland of making him fall down the stairs, eating his fish sticks and tater tots, sitting in his chair, and calling him the n-word, with Cleveland replying, "What? I'm allowed to, right?"
  • "Hot Cocoa Bang Bang", where Rallo sees a poster of her mother as a sexy lead actress for the same title.
    Rallo: *looks up at the poster* Daaaaaaamn. *looks at her mother's older appearance* Daaaaaaaamn.
  • Hank Hill as one of the rehab patients on "Das Shrimp Boot." Also a minor Awesome Moment as the producers actually got Mike Judge to not only voice Hank, but draw him in his style (though the Hank there is shorter than he was on King of the Hill).
    • The end of the episode has Cleveland attempt to deliver a message about addiction being bad. It doesn't really work considering he's still high on energy pills.
    Cleveland: *Speaking fast* Hey, I'm Cleveland Brown and we had a good time tonight - *stammering* dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai - and we talked about addiction which is no laughing *chuckles* laughing matter which is why I'm back here telling you *shudders* allll this, and we killed a pirate! And what-not but please. Addiction nooo bueno es bad!
    Holt *pops into view*: C-Bro, we going to that party?
    Cleveland: YOU BETCHA! *Dashes off screen to a sped-up version of the show's theme*
    • The elaborate escape Cleveland plans to get out of the rehab center, which ends up being completely pointless since it's a rehab center, not a prison, and the patients can just sign themselves out.
    • Cleveland telling the passengers on the cruise ship to calm down after one of the members of The Commodores is shot by the pirates, because he wasnt one of the original members.
  • The episode 'Y Tu Junior Tambien' has Cleveland's wide-eyed reaction to Junior's description of what a man and women do together which consists of various actions and a very long censor bleep
    Junior: Dad, I think I want to have sex with my wife.
    Cleveland: Junior, do you know what sex is?
    Junior: Well, when two people love each other very much, they hug each other for a long time.
    Cleveland: Yeah...
    Junior: And then, once she's good and warmed up, the man... *nine seconds of censor beeping as he makes suggestive motions, Cleveland going wide-eyed in the process*... but that's only if you have one of those swings! *chuckles and leaves*
    Cleveland: I need to live more...
    • Near the beginning of the episode Junior tries to talk to a girl and Cleveland suggests he envision himself as Mace Windu, so when he talks to her he keeps mentioning the Force and it sounds like he's talking about rape, she runs into the woman's restroom and maces Junior when he follows her in, prompting Cleveland to comment on it with "She maced Windu!"
  • After accidentally running over and killing Rallo's dog, Cleveland brings home a replacement. Rallo's response:
    Rallo: "You want me to replace my dog? Like Brad Pitt replaced Jennifer Aniston, or John Mayer replaced Jennifer Aniston, or Vince Vaughn replaced Jennifer Aniston, or that munch from the Counting Crows repla...the point is, my dog is not Jennifer Aniston!"
    • And not 10 seconds later, said dog is killed by a wolf. Who is then shot by Lester.
    Cleveland: [To a squirrel] RUN!
  • When Cleveland is in a plane that's about to run out of fuel, he remarks "This isn't funny like Airplane!, it's a disaster like Airplane II!"
  • The "I'm Paying a Young Boy for Sex" duet with Holt and Rallo on "A General Thanksgiving Episode"
  • Cleveland saying that he'll be "like Bob the Builder before his morning coffee." Cutaway to a video of Bob bludgeoning his client to death, then him having to pave and build over the client so no one finds him.
  • Cleveland has a flashback, where he see's his younger self and his father in a garage while his father works on a car. Young Cleveland and his father acknowledge present Cleveland, and Present Cleveland attempts to tell his younger self to buy stocks in Apple. Young Cleveland mishears him and thinks he said "applesauce" causing Cleveland to find himself in a garage full of applesauce upon returning to the present. He's fine with it, as "I do like applesauce".
  • From "Like a Boss": Everyone (except for Mr. Waterman) breaking into Tom's office after he dies and stealing his stuff, which leads to a riot with two people passed out, someone getting stabbed in the back with scissors, and Tim the Bear being set on fire.
  • From "Ain't Nothin' But Mutton Bustin'": Junior hitting a switch on the cable station control panel, which turns a bear-themed soap opera (or medical drama) with a female bear and her son crying over a male bear in a coma into a bear-themed "Horny Housewife Hits on the Hunky Poolboy"-style porno.
    • Junior thinking he's gone back in time after passing out in a Port-O-Potty.
    • When Jeffrey says that the sheep arent part of a petting zoo, but for mutton busting (basically a rodeo for kids), Cleveland misunderstands him.
    Cleveland: Come on Rollo, lets leave this gentleman to rape his livestock in peace.
    • When Cleveland informs Donna that Rollo is missing, he doesnt exactly break the news in the most comforting manner.
    Cleveland: Little Mr Rollo? He gone.
    Donna MY BABY!!
  • From Skip Day, we have a Stoolbend School Tradition that all kids skip school for a day. Guess who the only kid in the history of Stoolbend not to skip attendance on that day?
    Cleveland: *notices Jr is waving at him* Oh, God.
    • Cleveland getting stunned by by the cops twice.
  • From the final episode, where Donna has an insane Freak Out! when she learns that her mother and ex-husband are dating.
  • In 'Wide World Of Cleveland Show', there is a shot-for-shot remake of the famous bunker scene.
    • The "japanese version" of the Cleveland Show has a scene where Clevelands crazy scheme of the week is to covertly clock in extra time at work without his supervisor noticing.
    • Japanese Rollo is late for breakfast because he was caught up in his homework.
  • "Escape From Goochland" gives us Donna wearing the ultra-revealing "tramp" Halloween costume Roberta wasn't allowed to wear, while Roberta dresses up as Donna, complete with one of her wigs. When the two come face to face, they look at each other and both exclaim "Is that what I look like!?" before walking away in opposite directions, looking depressed and ashamed.
  • Real time cutaways in "Cleveland Live", complete with the expected screw ups.
  • Rallo being "punished" in American Prankster.
    Donna: Rallo, from now on there will be no video games.
    Rallo: *goes on computer*
    Donna: And no internet
    Rallo: *pulls out two phones*
    Donna: No Angry Birds. No Angry Birds for Android
    Rallo: *pulls out two more devices*
    Donna: No Kindle. No Zune
    Rallo: *pulls out an assortment of devices*
    Donna: No Ti Vo! No Roku! No Pronto! No Pixi! No Swidget! No Play Pad! No Migo! No Linkster!
    'Rallo: *playing with a toy*
    'Donna: NOOO! Tickle Me Elmo!
    'Rallo: *playing Texas Hold'em with strangers*
    'Donna: No Texas hold'em with seven grown-up gamblers who somehow got into your room!
    'Rallo: *dresses up as Al Sharpton*
    'Donna: No dressing up as Al Sharpton!
  • The ending to "The Hurricane!", where Cleveland tries to argue that God saved him from under a tree despite it being obvious that Junior lifted it up with a rope.
    Cleveland: But God showed you how to build that contraption.
    Junior: No, I learned that in school.
    Cleveland: God built the school.
    Junior: Immigrants built the school.
    Cleveland: Christian immigrants.
    Junior: (claps hands) I'm out!