Practically, the reason why SpongeBob SquarePants is intensely popular is because of the show's humor, specifically in Seasons 2-3. And we can't blame them, because these moments are too hilarious for its own good.
Right at the beginning when Squidward messes with the bubbles containing secret messages, sending Patrick the message "you are the dumbest idiot it has ever been my misfortune to know" instead of SpongeBob's original message of "Patrick, you're my best friend in the whole neighbourhood"
Patrick: Do you really think that SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Of course, Patrick; anyone with eyes could see that!
This exchange:
Patrick: Friend? Friiiieeeeeeend...
Squidward:(uncomfortable) Uhh Patrick? We're friends. Just friends.
SpongeBob: Squidward is my best friend in the sea... (launches bow into a panicked-looking Squidward portrait)
SpongeBob:(Strumming bassinet strings like guitar) Squidward-
Patrick:(pops in through window) Likes Patrick more than SpongeBob... (SpongeBob slams window in Patrick's face)
SpongeBob:(Strumming violently before slamming bassinet into floor) And Patrick is a dirty, stinking, rotten, friend STEALER!(Smashes bassinet) Uh, I can fix that.
SpongeBob: It's not just a boulder! It's a rock! [sobbing tears of joy] A roock! A roock! A rooock!
[Squidward looks on with disgust]
SpongeBob: [climbing on top of the boulder] It's a big, beautiful, old rock! Oh, the pioneers used to ride these babies for miles! And it's in great shape.
Squidward:SpongeBOB! Will you forget the stupid pioneers?! Have you ever noticed that there are none of them left?! That's because they were lousy hitchhikers, ate coral, and took directions from algae! And now you're telling me they thought they could drive—[SpongeBob drives the rock over him, squashing him flat into the ground]...rocks? Hold on there, Jethro!
"Hooray, Gary! We're finally huge!"
OH NO!
From "Pickles". Apparently, Squidward's not the best SpongeBob replacement...
Squidward:(holding a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates) Flowers and chocolates for you, Mr. Krabs?!
SpongeBob:(zips over to the register and puts his money in) Look, I'm putting my own money into the cash register!
The increasingly ridiculous traps each one sets to prevent the other from getting to work - starting with SpongeBob digging a pit in front of Squidward's house and Squidward boarding up SpongeBob's front door and building up to Squidward somehow getting trussed up like a roast turkey and SpongeBob being built into a brick wall. Ending with SpongeBob tied to an anchor and Squidward to a pirate ship (the stern of which is on fire), and both of them still clawing themselves forward!
"Scaredy Pants"
SpongeBob's Flying Dutchman costume and Patrick's Groucho Marx glasses.
Before that, when Sandy threatened to pour hot sauce on Spongebob's tongue, the drop hanging out of the bottle suddenly develops a face via Synchro Vox while the background becomes filled with thunder and lightning.
Hot Sauce: BY THE POWER OF NAUGHTINESS, I COMMAND THIS PARTICULAR DROP OF HOT SAUCE TO BE REALLY, REALLY HOT!
In "Suds", SpongeBob's "Sponge Treatment", where a real life sponge is used to wash a plate, a car, a foot, and somebody's back. Even funnier was Patrick's "Special Treatment" where a real life starfish is scrubbed on a cactus and in a toilet!
He just wanted the lollipop.
He also impersonated a doctor and tried to keep his friend from going to a real doctor.
DON'T TOUCH ME, I'M STERILE
"This doesn't seem right!"
While trying to hide SpongeBob from Sandy:
Sandy: Alright, Patrick, where's SpongeBob?
Patrick: Um... he's not here at the moment, please leave a message after the beep. *Makes beep noise*
Sandy: Okay, so tell me: since when do you have two houses?
Patrick: *Crosses arms* Since I ran out of room to put my stuff.
Sandy: Uh huh. Yeah. Since when does your house have feet?
SpongeBob: That's brilliant! Patrick, your genius is showing.
Patrick: (reaches hands down to cover crotch) WHERE!?
From "Neptune's Spatula", we have SpongeBob putting ketchup and mustard smiles on pickles on a Krabby Patty then tucking them in for a nap with a cheese "blanket".
SpongeBob: (kisses them then takes out a book) Once upon a time...
The visual gag of Neptune, having zapped Patrick with his trident, reviving him but putting his face on his trunks (where it remains for the rest of the episode):
Patrick:(coaching SpongeBob before the fry-off) Everyone always used to say to me, "Patrick, you'll never amount to anything. You'll always have your head in the clouds." But just look at me now!
This visual gag:
Neptune: But if by some minute chance you meet the challenge, your reward will be great. BEHOLD!
Squidward:(a Fish walks up to order) Let me guess, Tiny, a small salad?
Bubble Bass: I’ll take a Double Triple Barfy Deluxe on a raft, 4x4, animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim. (Squidward gives up writing all of that down)
From "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy", SpongeBob is trying to convince his heroes to come out of retirement.
Barnacle Boy: What's your point, kid?
SpongeBob: You two are the greatest heroes ever, and I think you should come out of retirement.
Mermaid Man: Listen up, you villains! I want to eat my meat-loaf! If you don't get out of here, then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife!
Manager:(bursts in) What is going on in here?
Mermaid Man: You may kiss the bride! (points at SpongeBob)
From the episode "F.U.N.", Plankton's part in The Fun Song:
F is for fire that burns down the whole town U's for uranium—bombs! N is for no survivors WHEN YOU-
The crowd's reaction to Squidward's performance in "Culture Shock", and then to Spongebob's performance. Basically, they hated Squidward's dancing, but loved Spongebob sweeping the stage with a mop.
Squidward: (in response to the crowd cheering for Spongebob) They want an encore!
(jumps onto the stage, arms outstretched, applause immediately stops)
From the premiere: "I WANT MY MOMMY, MISTER SQUIDWARD!"
Season Two
From "Christmas Who?", Sandy telling SpongeBob about Christmas through bizarre body movements.
Patrick's way of writing a letter, which makes him rip it every time.
In a Brick Joke, he wishes for another piece of paper.
The musical number "The Very First Christmas to Me", especially with Mr. Krabs singing in falsetto at the end.
"Dying for Pie"
Squidward was waiting for SpongeBob to die from the pie bomb.
Squidward:WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!
SpongeBob: Well, since we finished everything the list, I thought I’d make up a new one. (holds up a book that says "Friends 4 Ever") I already filled up this book of ideas. We should be able to finish by January.
Squidward:(slaps book away)FORGET THE BOOK! I spent the whole day with you, doing all kinds of ridiculous things, because you were supposed to explode!
SpongeBob: You want me to explode?
Squidward: Yes, that's what I've been waiting for.
SpongeBob: Um, okay, I’ll try. (yells)GARY! YOU ARE GONNA FINISH YOUR DESSERT AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!(laughs) Now it’s your turn.
Squidward:(yells)THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU BARNACLEHEAD!
SpongeBob: Ooh, good one.
Squidward: No!
When SpongeBob actually reveals he had saved the pie the entire episode...
SpongeBob:I've been saving it in my pocket, for us to share! Let's eat! [trips over rock] Whooops!
[The pie flies in Squidward's face in slo-mo. Cue live-action atomic explosion wiping out Bikini Bottom.]
More funny when you notice that was from an underwater nuclear detonation at Bikini Atoll
Squidward takes SpongeBob out for his "final day on Earth".
SpongeBob: Bye, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs:(Sobs while putting up a "Help Wanted" sign)
SpongeBob: Heads up Squidward: Looks like they're gonna replace ya.
Early on, as Squidward complains that he has to be nice to "That guy!", it cuts to SpongeBob using a buffer on a table. It stops working, then he uses it on his face, looking like a SpongeBob Picasso.
Mr. Krabs also has a great line early in the episode.
Mr. Krabs: Ye had to kill 'im. The boy cries ya a sweater of tears, 'and ya kill 'im.
and
Mr. Krabs: Note to self: watch out for Squidward.
SpongeBob introduces Squidward to everyone in town.
SpongeBob: Hi kids, meet my friend Squidward.
[Kid throws a rock at Squidward.]
And then he does it again... wearing a salmon suit! (Squidward, not SpongeBob)
This part between Squidward and Mr. Krabs
Squidward: You've seen this before?
Mr. Krabs: Eleven times as a matter of fact.
Squidward: *Rushes to the phone.* Yes, hello, doctor? Hospital? Won't do any good? Eleven times?!
Patrick: Did you win? (gets hit in the head with a wooden board that SpongeBob had aimed for crazy Sandy)
And this one:
Patrick: Screaming will get you no-
Sandy:(grabs Patrick's head and rips it off, looking really ticked off, as she breathes hard) WHICH ONE OF YOU FELLERS IS THE REAL DIRTY DAN?!
Patrick: Uh, I am? (Sandy smacks him, sending him flying across the tree dome, screaming)
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick:(slams against the dome and little drumsticks float around his head) Hot wings.
Sandy:(to SpongeBob) Okay, Pinhead Larry! Now you get yours! (SpongeBob screams and runs off, barely avoiding Sandy pounding the ground)PIIIIIIIINHEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAADDDDDD!
And this scene:
Patrick: Let me have a try. [he goes up to the door and spits on both hands, preparing to open the door] Open sesame! [nothing happens, Patrick shrugs] Well, I've done all I can do.
SpongeBob: 'Ugly'?? (music) You gotta be kiddin' me. (sparkles)
Just do what Patrick does when he's upset: SCREEEEEEEAM!
SpongeBob I am ugly and I'm proud! I am ugly and I'm proud! I am ugly and I'm proud!
Squidward: Is that what he calls it?
Here's another one:
SpongeBob: (entering the cinema's bathroom) Patrick, is everything OK in here? [he hears Patrick sobbing. He opens a stall door and sees Patrick sitting with a bag over his head] What are you doing in there, Patrick?
Patrick Wouldn’t you like to know?
SpongeBob: And why is that bag on your head?
Patrick: Why? Oh, no reason. Except you gave me the ugly! [he whips the bag off. SpongeBob recoils and gasps. Patrick walks out] What am I gonna do? I can’t go out looking like this!
SpongeBob: Just remember what we talked about. There’s power in pride.
Patrick: That may be fine for you, but I was one of the beautiful people. Now look at me! [his breath reaches SpongeBob and he holds his nose in disgust] I’m almost as ugly as you! I always thought if I was as ugly as that guy, I don’t know what I’d do.
SpongeBob: Patrick...?
Patrick What’s my mom gonna say?
SpongeBob: Patrick??
Patrick: Oh my gosh, if my sister finds out, wait, I don’t have a sister, if the bank, I mean it’s one thing if you have bad shoes, or even bad hair, but… [SpongeBob grows, towering over Patrick]
SpongeBob: PATRICK!!!!! [he goes back to normal] You’re not ugly. Your breath stinks. Really bad. [Patrick sighs with relief, his stench in the shape of a skull and crossbones]
Patrick: Ahhhhhhhh, What a relief...
SpongeBob: [his eyes water from the foul smell] GAAAWWWW, BARNACLES, Patrick! What did you eat?!
Patrick: Oh, some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza…
SpongeBob: *holding nose* No, I mean just this morning.
Patrick: Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza…
SpongeBob: *holding nose* What else?
Patrick: Well, I had some of your sundae.
SpongeBob: Sundae… [he whips what’s remaining of it out] Patrick! My sundae gave us rancid breath!
Patrick: Whatcha mean? [SpongeBob coughs as Patrick’s breath flies by him]
SpongeBob: I mean, we’re not ugly, we just stink!
Patrick: Stink? [the two cheer and run around in circles chanting]
Both: We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink!
[The fumes encompass the entire theatre and it dissolves to the ground.]
This part.
Patrick: What is wrong with you people?! Afraid to look ugliness in the face? Well, HERE!(holds SpongeBob up in front of the audience) Look at it! It's ugly, isn't it? (holds SpongeBob up to one part of the audience) YOU LOOK AT IT!
SpongeBob: Hello. (people run away)
Patrick: (holds SpongeBob up to another part of the audience) YOU LOOK AT IT!
SpongeBob: Hi. (people run away)
Patrick: (holds SpongeBob up to the entire audience) LOOK AT IT! (audience flees) LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! I WANTALLOF YOU TOLOOK AT IT!
"Shanghaied" is one of the funniest episodes in the history of the show. The most memorable parts are the Fly of Despair and the Perfume Department. These parts too:
Flying Dutchman: Flying Dutchman: [zaps Squidward] Silence! You're part of my crew now, and our job is to sail around and frighten people. It'll be grueling, mind- numbing, and repetitive. Just like...daytime television.
(A giant anchor comes crashing through SpongeBob's house)
SpongeBob: Holy shrimp! (runs out to Squidward) Squidward! The sky had a baby from my cereal box! Squidward! (Squidward pokes his head through his window) Squidward! The sky had a baby!
Squidward: That's not a baby! That's a giant anchor! Now go away! (Patrick comes over)
Patrick: SpongeBob! The sky had a baby!
SpongeBob: I know! What do you think we should name it?
While SpongeBob is trying to find out the name of the person who owns the ghost ship:
SpongeBob: Doesn't this place seem familiar?
Patrick: I don't know. Why?
SpongeBob: I don't know. Doesn't it just kind of ring a bell? (Squidward rings the doorbell)
Patrick: Yes!
SpongeBob: I know who owns this boat but I just can't place the name. (SpongeBob walks by a barrel that says "Property of the Flying Dutchman")
Flying Dutchman: AAAAA-OOOO-RAAR-OOO-RAR!!
SpongeBob: No, no, it's not "DAAAAA-OOOO-RAAR-OOO-RAR!!"
Flying Dutchman: I am the Flying Dutchman!
SpongeBob: That's it! Squidward, this ship belongs to the Red Baron!
The howling part:
Flying Dutchman: What a night be this! Crew, howl with me so that we might set the Seven Seas ablaze with fear! (howls like a wolf)
SpongeBob:(bleets) Ahh!
Patrick: Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee!
Flying Dutchman:(howls like a wolf)
SpongeBob:(bleets) Ahh!
Patrick: Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee! (Flying Dutchman going to howl again but Patrick cuts him off) OOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo! (Flying Dutchman going to howl again but Patrick cuts him off) OOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo! (Flying Dutchman going to howl again but Patrick cuts him off) OOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!
(Very long and awkward silence)
Flying Dutchman: Eh, that'll do.
The Flying Dutchman is scaring one citizen by turning his head a full 360-degrees. SpongeBob and Patrick do the same...except they just turn their whole bodies around. They keep spinning and spinning until they were shown wearing purple tights, and they are figure-skating in a rink.
That entire sequence was funny, as it also has the scene where the Dutchman phases through the wall to scare a victim, only for SpongeBob and Patrick trying to duplicate said feat and getting embedded into the wall.
Small Child: Those guys are dorks. Flying Dutchman: Yes, but they're my dorks.
The (TV version/"SpongeBob") ending, where SpongeBob wishes that the Dutchman is a vegetarian so he can't eat them. Cue them being turned into fruit and stuck in a blender.
Flying Dutchman Hippie: "Hey! I get a wish too! Fruit prevents scurvy!"
"Frankendoodle" is also a great example. Here, an artist drops a pencil and it lands in SpongeBob's front yard. SpongeBob then draws a version of himself to play a prank on Squidward. The prank backfires and the 'Doodlebob' snatches the pencil from SpongeBob and Patrick. While on their way to retrieving it, this conversation occurs:
SpongeBob: What have I done? We've got to find him! Where could he possibly be?
Patrick: Maybe he's in that poorly drawn pineapple. (shot of poorly drawn version of SpongeBob's house)
SpongeBob: Come on, let's go!
Patrick:(hides in a nearby bush) I'm not going in there!
SpongeBob:(jumps into same bush) Come on, Patrick. I'm right behind you. Baby steps. (They walk, using the bush as camouflage, toward the pineapple.) Almost there... (DoodleBob draws a hole. They scream and fall into it.)
Patrick: What just happened?
DoodleBob: (gibberish)
SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick. Give me a boost up!
Patrick: Can't we just stay down here where it's safe?
SpongeBob: No way. I created this monster and I've got to stop him. (a wrench falls and hits Patrick on the head)
DoodleBob: (gibberish)
SpongeBob: See what I mean, Patrick?
Patrick:(dazed) Where's the leak, ma'am?
(SpongeBob and Patrick climb to the top of the hole. DoodleBob draws a bowling ball and rolls it toward them)
Patrick:(his face turns into a bowling pin) YAHHHH- (the bowling ball hits him in the face, turning it into ten bowling pins and knocking him down into the hole, and a "strike" sign appears. The ball rolls into the hole after Patrick and hits him again. Another "strike" sign appears.)
Patrick: He's hideous. He makes me sick, just looking at him. Those big bulgy eyes, that square body, those two buck teeth, and that stupid tie!
SpongeBob:(looks at his tie and coughs) Eh hem.
Patrick: Oh...but it looks good on you, SpongeBob! Heh heh.
SpongeBob: He's putting down the pencil! This is our chance. On the count of three, we'll jump out and surprise him!
Patrick: Oh boy, a surprise party! Is it his birthday?
SpongeBob:(DoodleBob suddenly appears in front of them and grabs SpongeBob) PATRICK! PATRICK! DO SOMETHING!!! (DoodleBob throws SpongeBob)
Patrick: Happy birthday! (gives a rock to DoodleBob) Here's your present! (DoodleBob bashes it on his head) You're welcome.
Best/funniest part about that scene is Patrick's expression after getting hit.
When DoodleBob is revived, he gets revenge on SpongeBob by replacing him. He then chases SpongeBob downstairs, where SpongeBob closes the door to his living room. DoodleBob erases the door...to reveal SpongeBob's butt. He says "Huh?", then erases the crack as well.
The Live Action artist sobbing over his lost pencil, and, when he finally gets it back, breaks it.
"Sandy, SpongeBob and the Worm" gave us this amazing outburst from Mr. Krabs:
NOOO! You'll never get a CENT out of me! NEVER! I'd rather that worm come in here RIGHT NOW, and EAT YOU ALL ALLIIIIIIEEEEEEVE!!!!! *wheezes as everyone silently stares at him* Ahem...sorry.
The episode "Secret Box". For one, the early line:
SpongeBob: It's okay, I know all about secrets.
Patrick: You do?
SpongeBob: I've got a gazillion secrets.
Patrick: Like what?
SpongeBob: Well, it's no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby adding another secret to their collection of secrets...secretly. (cut to Patrick, whose brain has fizzled out from that "secret")
SpongeBob: You want to hear one of my secrets?
Patrick: Oh boy, do I!
SpongeBob: Well, uh, let's see...did you know you're my best friend?
SpongeBob: Now will you show me what's inside your secret box?
Patrick: No, SpongeBob! It's for me to know, and for you to never find out. You may be an open book, SpongeBob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. (a thought bubble appears with a live-action carton of milk. The carton falls over, spilling.)
Even though the episode "Band Geeks" is mainly a Moment Of Awesome, there are also some incredibly funny parts there. Examples:
Squidward: People, people, settle down. OK, now, how many of you have played musical instruments before?
Plankton: Do instruments of torture count?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
Squidward: No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. (Patrick raises his hand again)
Squidward: Horseradish isn't an instrument either. (Patrick lowers his hand)
At band rehearsal:
Squidward: Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now, I want everyone to line up in straight rows of five.
SpongeBob: Is this the part where we start kicking?
Squidward: No SpongeBob, that's a chorus line.
Patrick: Kicking?! Oh, I wanna do some kicking! (kicks Sandy)
Sandy: Ow! Why you...! (Sandy begins beating Patrick up. The fight tumbles outside)
Patrick:AAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAH! (awkward silence, then Patrick pokes his head through the door) Whoever's the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on. (Patrick walks through the doors, revealing that he has a trombone for a neck. The instrument plays a note at every step Patrick takes. When Patrick sits down, the trombone plays a long, low note along with Patrick opening his mouth to make the sound)''
When everyone is fighting, Patrick kicks Sandy again (for no good reason this time). She gets angry and takes revenge by taking out another trombone, to Patrick's horror. Cue the off-screen chase.
Squidward: People talk loud when they want to sound smart, right?
Plankton: CORRECT!
Squidward: So if we all play loud, people will think we're good! Everyone ready? (everyone gets their instruments out) And a one, and a two, and a one-two-three-four!
(Loud music breaks all the warehouse windows at once)
Squidward:(was hit by the force so hard that his face was blown away and his conductor stick snapped) Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
Then there's this brilliant exchange when they're at the football stadium:
Patrick:(referring to live-action humans) Those are some ugly-looking fish!
SpongeBob: Maybe we're near one of those toxic waste dumps.
There's the part where Squidward tells the flag twirlers to twirl faster until they end up flying upwards and crashing into a blimp, which explodes.
Topped off with the band members saluting while one of the trumpet players plays "Taps" after their demise, except Squidward who just lays down and curls up into a fetal position on the floor.
Even though "Graveyard Shift" is meant to be a Nightmare Fuel episode, it ended up pretty hilariously. Here, Mr. Krabs enlists a 24-hour food service at the Krusty Krab. Since SpongeBob is annoying him, Squidward tells SpongeBob a story about the 'Hash-Slinging Slasher', a former fry cook.
SpongeBob:(begging) Tell me the story!
Squidward: Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook — just like you — only clumsier. And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties ....it happened.
SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?
Squidward: No!
SpongeBob: Irregular portions?
Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake. (imitates said action with his tentacles)
SpongeBob: You mean like this? (pulls one of his arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place) Or like this? (pulls it again, another one grows back) Or this? (does it again) Or this? (does it again) But what about this? Or this, or this, or this, or this...
Squidward:(interrupts) Except he wasn't a sponge!
SpongeBob:(holding many arms) So?
Squidward:SO IT DIDN'T GROW BACK!
SpongeBob:(screams)OH, NO!(all extra arms lift their hands upwards and run away)
Continuing the story...
Squidward: And then, he got hit by a bus! And then, at his funeral, they FIRED him!
SpongeBob(terrified that they fired him)
As the night shift is still going on, Squidward's hilarious complaint:
Squidward:(says to himself) Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who wants a Krabby Patty at 3 in the morning? (cuts to Patrick's bedroom)
Patrick:(Patrick's alarm clock goes off) Oh boy, 3 A.M.! (takes out a Krabby Patty and starts to eat it)
Squidward trying to remember the third sign that indicates the arrival of the Hash-Slinging Slasher:
Squidward:And then... (turns around and sees green stuff flowing down the wall, and freaks out) The walls will ooze green slime!...Oh, wait, they always do that.
When Squidward sees the Hash-Slinging Slasher, he screams "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" to the point where hair grow from his head. SpongeBob didn't get it at first but when Squidward points it out to him, he too screams "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" to the point where his eyelashes grow.
This part:
Squidward: (hugging SpongeBob) SpongeBob, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you!
SpongeBob: Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!
Squidward: Huh?
Nosferatu.
"Neeeeeext..." "Dude? Can I have some ketchup?" "Oh, here you go. NEEEEEEEEXT...."
There's also the part where SpongeBob goes outside (at NIGHT!) to take out the garbage, screaming and running like mad all the while.
The part where Squidward screeches/squawks and then starts destroying everything.
Also, the ending, in which it's revealed that Squidward unintentionally DID create a masterpiece.
"Sailor Mouth" is eleven minutes of big laughs. Example:
SpongeBob: Krabs is a...hm? Krabs is a... (dolphin chirp)
Garbage man: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!
SpongeBob: Well sometimes, but not... (Garbage man leaves in disgust) ... recently.
SpongeBob and Patrick's game of Eels and Escalators.
When SpongeBob arrives at the Krusty Krab:
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What, what, what?
SpongeBob: Patrick, Patrick, Patrick!
Mr. Krabs: Yes, yes, yes?
SpongeBob: He said, he said, he said-
Mr. Krabs: Out with it, boy!
SpongeBob: (talking very fast) Me and Patrick were playing Eels and Escalators, and he was going up up up, and I had to ride the eel! And then we ran, and Patrick, he said some things.
Mr. Krabs: What kind of things?
SpongeBob: Well, uh, he said...
Mr. Krabs: Yes?
SpongeBob: Well, um, let's just say he said a certain word that you said he shouldn't say, and this particular word happens to be number eleven on the list of thirteen words you said shouldn't be said.
Mr. Krabs: Uh...right. Uh, what was the part about the...who now?
The various noises used to censor the swear words, from dolphin chirps to seals barking to fog horns and other ship whistles...particularly when Mr. Krabs goes on an extended profanity-laced tirade after stubbing his toe and uses all thirteen "words that you should never use", unleashing a cacophony of nautical sound effects.
In another example of the series' copious Parental Bonuses, when Krabs initially mentions the list, Squidward asks if he means seven rather than thirteen, a reference to the classic George Carlin monologue "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television".
In "No Free Rides" when Mrs. Puff has SpongeBob write an essay to pass boating school and he finishes:
Mrs. Puff: Fantastic! Let me see it.
SpongeBob: (scribbling on his essay) No, wait! I change my mind!
Mrs. Puff: I'm sure what you've written is fine. Let me see.
SpongeBob: No! Don't look! It's not ready!
Mrs. Puff: It's so simple! Only ten words! What I learned in boating school is blankety (inhale) blankety (inhale) blank!
SpongeBob: I can do this! I can do this!
Mrs. Puff: What I learned in boating school iiisss...! What I learned in boating school iiiiisssss...!
SpongeBob: I can do this! I can do this! (hyperventalates) Is it hot in here, Mrs. Puff?! Why is it so hot in here?! Aaahh! My hand, my hand is cramping Mrs. Puff! Make it stoooop!!
In order to get SpongeBob off his brand new boat, Mrs. Puff drives through several deadly hazards such as giant clams and educational television.
At the beginning of the episode, SpongeBob is taking his boating test... and hits the narrator with his boat.
(the groaning narrator and his shattered camera are lying in the road in front of SpongeBob's boat)
SpongeBob: (absently) Wha' happen'?
Mrs. Puff: Oh, nothing, SpongeBob, you just struck another pedestrian.
Similar to the above, Mrs. Puff imagines the carnage caused by SpongeBob with his boating licence, and a news reporter doing a piece to camera blaming her for the chaos... a news reporter who is then hit by an oblivious SpongeBob.
Reporter: Let's...not...use that take...
Whatever SpongeBob did when he finds out who the thief of his boat was.
And "I'm Your Biggest Fanatic". So many candidates for the Crowning Moment of Funny here - "Oh my gosh! Jeffrey Jellyfish! I have to touch you!", "EVERYBODY loves pie,", Kevin's Ointment - but the best of all has to be the sequence where Kevin is repeatedly stung by jellyfish, accompanied by a mocking, offscreen repeated "Wah wah waaaaah..." from ONE OF HIS OWN CLUB MEMBERS. It's also the deadpan, nasal tone of voice that the line is delivered in each time (Rodger Bumpass in a supporting role?) that really makes it work.
And how Kevin responds to said mocking:
Club Member: Wah wah waaaaah...
Kevin:Will you cut that out?!
This exchange when SpongeBob first introduces himself to Kevin:
Kevin: Security!
SpongeBob: No wait! I would do anything for you!
Kevin: Why don't you go jump off a building?
[Kevin laughs and folds his arms, until he hears SpongeBob screaming as he falls past the window of the convention center and lands with a crash]
SpongeBob: [re-enters, none the worse for wear] Anything!
Kevin: ...Punch yourself in the face.
[SpongeBob punches himself squarely in the face with a boxing glove]
Kevin: Doesn't that hurt you?
SpongeBob: [takes off boxing glove and puts on spiked gauntlet] Do you...want it to hurt me, Kevin?
In "Krusty Love", Mr. Krabs trying to ask Mrs. Puff out on a date...and failing epically.
And SpongeBob cursing out his boss! Too bad most of it was in gibberish.
SpongeBob: Well, Mr. Krabs. Do you wanna know what I think? AAAH! Regga flegga brecka brecka smollenolla MR. KRABS! Yagga hagan mergen WALLET! Zippy bippy SPEND! Rippy flippy diposhibo MR. KRABS' WALLET!
And what Mrs. Puff said to Mr. Krabs afterwards:
Mrs. Puff: I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabulary.
SpongeBob pulling his eyes through his head to imitate Mr. Krabs. "ARRRR SPONGEBOB, YER SPENDIN' ALL ME MONEY!"
"Life Of Crime". Four Words: "Ja, buns und thighs."
Also, when SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting around the fire, feeling sad, Patrick wonders how there can be a fire if they're underwater. The fire immediately goes out. Later, when SpongeBob and Patrick get into an argument, Patrick stomps on where the fire was. The fire immediately comes back, burning his foot.
In addition, this from when SpongeBob and Patrick are discussing the benefits of crime:
Patrick: And we can fly!
SpongeBob: Yeah!! (jumps off a cliff, floats for a moment, then promptly falls) AAAAAAAAHHHHH-(thud) OOF! (in a pained voice) Okay, we still can't do that.
This exchange from early in "I'm With Stupid":
[following an outburst by Patrick after SpongeBob finds him obsessively dusting the underside of his rock]
SpongeBob: But Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean is your plate!
Patrick: [grabbing SpongeBob's leg and sobbing] I don't know what to do, SpongeBob! You gotta help me!
SpongeBob: Patrick! You forgot how to eat again! [grabs Patrick's arm] C'mon! We'll get the funnel!
Patrick: No, it's not that, SpongeBob! It's worse!
SpongeBob: [with quiet irritation] Darn, I like the funnel.
"I'm With Stupid" maybe a massive Karma Houdini episode for Patrick, but it contains one of the most clever jokes in the entire series.
Patrick: Look! [hands SpongeBob a sheet of paper]
SpongeBob: Hey! A note! [turns it to reveal a picture of a music note]
Patrick: Yeah, but turn it over! There's a letter!
SpongeBob:[turns it to reveal the letter B on the other side] You're right. [tosses it aside]
Patrick:[pulls out another sheet of paper] And I got this message from my parents!
The twist ending. "Oh, that's right, honey! We don't have a son!"
"The best time to wear a striped sweateeeeerrrrr...is aaalll the tiiiiiiime..."
From "Big Pink Loser", Patrick is given the task of answering the phone at the Krusty Krab:
(phone rings, Patrick answers)
Customer: Is this the Krusty Krab?
Patrick: No, this is Patrick. (hangs up and begins whistling, phone rings again and he answers)
Second Customer: Is this the Krusty Krab?
Patrick:(Annoyed voice) NO, this is Patrick. (hangs up, phone rings yet again, he answers again)
Third Customer: Is this the Krusty Krab?
Patrick:(Yelling at top of lungs) NO!!! THIS IS PATRICK!!!!!(slams phone down) I am not a Krusty Krab!
SpongeBob: Uh Patrick, that's the name of the restaurant.
Patrick: Huh? (grimaces angrily) Fishpaste!
From the same episode, Patrick showing everything he can his new award.
Patrick: Rock! I got an award! (antenna on rock falls off)
Patrick: Jellyfish! I got an award! (ZAP)
Patrick:(hops up to the island above Bikini Bottom) Island! I got an awa—(chokes on lack of water)
Plankton's method of distracting Krabs in "Imitation Krabs":
Plankton: I've been saving this for a rainy day. It looks like an ordinary penny, because it is an ordinary penny!
"Ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuloli."
"HELLO, SPONGEBOB.(exhaust)IT IS I, MR. KRABS.(exhaust)IN THE FLESH.(exhaust)STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.(exhaust)WITH NO ONE ELSE AROUND.(exhaust)"
Plankton: Ladies and Gentlemen. Turn your attention to the southwest corridor. Other way. Imbeciles. And stop! Perfect! Representing the Chum Bucket, a creature so fearsome, so terrible, so mind-bendingly large, that those of you with weak constitutions may want to leave the stadium.
Muscle Fish: (trembling) I've gotta get out of here!
Plankton: Too late! Ready or not, here he comes. Quake with fear, you mortal fools! Bow down, before the awesome might, of *CRASH* this huge guy who's carrying the real contestant: Patrick Star!
SpongeBob: What if Mr. Krabs was right? Maybe this is a dumb idea! (starts crying)
Patrick: SpongeBob, sometimes we have to look deep inside ourselves to solve our problems.
SpongeBob: I'm scared!
Patrick: Then I'm going in for ya! (he proceeds to climb into SpongeBob through one of his pores; SpongeBob suddenly inflates) Sorry! Stupid inflatable pants! (he climbs out of SpongeBob).
Sandy throwing an exhausted SpongeBob a fishing pole and pointing to a nearby light aeroplane as she announces "We're going fly fishin'!" - followed by a cutaway to a (live-action) drummer delivering a rimshot.
When Sandy has run the rest of the population of Bikini Bottom ragged in a search for SpongeBob, they resort to increasingly desperate attempts to persuade her they have found him:
Sandy: No one's goin' anywhere 'til we find SpongeBob!
Muscle fish: Uh, wait! (grabs the fish standing next to him and holds him up) Uh, here he is!
Sandy: That ain't SpongeBob! SpongeBob is square!
(The muscle fish squeezes the other fish into a square shape)
Square fish:(in a poor imitation of SpongeBob) I'm ready! I'm ready!
Sandy: No you ain't!
Other fish:(holding up Kelpo box) I found SquareBob!
Sandy: That's just a cereal box! 'Sides, he's yellow!
Third fish:(holding up a banana) Uh, here he is! Hey, can I go home now?
And right before that:
Fish:(whispering aside to another fish) This is a load of barnacles.
Sandy: I heard that! No one's going anywhere until we find SpongeBob!
GOLD TEAM RULES!
As the search continues:
Fish covered in poison sea urchins: He's not at the poison sea urchin cove.
Sandy: Well look again.
Fish covered in leeches: He's not at the leech farm.
Sandy: Well look again!
Squidward: He's not in my thoughts.
Sandy: Well THINK again!
And during the search:
Blue Fish:(peers into a spout) Hey, SpongeBob! (blast of sulfur hits him in the face, charring it black and messing it up) Well...at least I still have my personality.
Having thrown SpongeBob from their shared hiding place under Patrick's rock, the rest of the people of Bikini Bottom are still hiding there when Patrick (who has missed the rest of the episode) returns, carrying a bag of groceries and licking an ice cream cone...
Patrick: ...WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!
Twice in the episode "Prehibernation Week" an ordinarily normal-looking fish is revealed to apparently wear Osh-Kosh overalls, a beanie, and a giant lollipop underneath his regular clothes (well, okay, the second time Sandy just ripped up a building from its foundation and revealed the fish in the kiddy clothes, but anyway). One short pause later, the fish responds with "Uhh, I Can Explain..."
"Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III" is one giant Crowing Moment of Funny from beginning to end. But perhaps the best part is SpongeBob's attempt to rehabilitate Man-Ray.
SpongeBob: Okay, goodness lesson number one: You see someone drop their wallet. (whispering to Patrick) Pat drop the wallet.
Patrick drops his wallet
SpongeBob: Now what would you do?
Man-Ray: Excuse me, sir, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.
Patrick: Doesn't look familiar to me.
Man-Ray: What? But I just saw you drop it. Here.
Patrick: Nope, it's not mine.
Man-Ray: It is yours. I am trying to be a good person in returning it to you.
Patrick: Return what to who?
Man Ray facepalms in frustration, then takes Patrick's ID card out of the wallet
Man-Ray: Aren't you Patrick Star?
Patrick: Yep.
Man-Ray: And this is your ID.
Patrick: Yep.
Man-Ray: I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.
Patrick: Makes sense to me.
Man-Ray: Then take it.
Patrick: It's not my wallet.
Then there was goodness lesson number 2 in which Man Ray had to offer to help Patrick carry a heavy box. After having Patrick drop the box on Man-Ray's foot several times before he can help him, we get this:
Man-Ray: OW! YOU BUTTERED-FINGERED PINK THING! What's in that box, anyhow?!
Patrick: My wallets.
Man-Ray's comment on actually reforming from his evil ways: "Besides, I have checks with little poodles on them!"
From "Squid's Day Off": his paranoia that the oblivious SpongeBob is spying on him so that he can report him for taking an unscheduled day off finally causes Squidward to snap, and he jumps from the bathtub and runs nude (except for some strategically placed suds) through Bikini Bottom back to the Krusty Krab. He passes the hospital as Mr. Krabs, his arms newly re-attached, is walking out of the front exit. When he sees the nude, deranged Squidward run past, Krabs' arms immediately fall off again, and, his expression unchanging, he turns and walks back into the hospital.
From "Pressure", when SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and Squidward challenge Sandy on doing several things, SpongeBob asks her, "More importantly, can you do this?" Then he, Mr. Krabs, Patrck, and Squidward widen their eyes and start gasping.
Season Three
In "Snowball Effect" there's Patrick's attempts to create a snowball. He creates a snow cube, then a snow triangle, then somehow makes a snow double-helix.
"Uh, Squidward, that wasn't the peace treaty, that was a copy of the peace treaty."
"SNOW ANGELS! HA HA HA! (snow angel is round) Aw."
From "The Algae's Always Greener", there's SpongeBob's "Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!" take after Plankton tells him he was using too much sauce. His expression everytime he says it is outright hilarious (see the page image!).
"MAKE IT STOP!" (siren goes off) "Did I say the secret word?"
"GOOD GRIEF, HE'S NAKED!!!"
"Evil" Mr. Krabs getting caught with an article of clothing - a bra.
SpongeBob: A customer ordered a medium soda and I gave him a large! I GAVE HIM A LAAAARGE!!!!! I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT!
"SpongeGuard on Duty" had its share:
After SpongeBob and Patrick talk about SpongeBob's dream to be a lifeguard,
SpongeBob: Who needs to be a lifeguard? I’m cool. (zoom into a geek-like looking SpongeBob) I’m every bit as cool as Larry. And if I’m not, let me be struck by... (thunder roars) ...a flying ice cream truck. (ice cream truck comes falling down) AND LIVE! (ice cream truck slows down and lands on top of SpongeBob)
And then...
Larry (speaking into a megaphone): Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers!
All of the perverted jokes about the "white stuff" thing.
SpongeBob: (comes over to Squidward) Aw, cheer up, Squid. It could be worse.
Patrick: Yeah, you could be bald and have a big nose.
(camera pans to Squidward, with his bald head and big nose)
Squidward: Well, this is the end.
SpongeBob: No it's not, Squidward!
Patrick: (building coffins) It's not?
Let's not forget this classic line.
SpongeBob: Oh Magic Conch Shell, what do we need to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?
*pulls string*
Conch: Nothing.
ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH! OOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOO!
And the twist ending.
In "My Pretty Seahorse", Patrick, with a board nailed to his head, keeps trying to enter a hat store.
And the bowl of onions gag.
Squidward: ''(starts sniffling and sobbing after SpongeBob begs Mr. Krabs not to make him let Mystery go, but then notices a bowl of onions* Hey, who left this bowl of onions here?
(later, after Mr. Krabs relates how he used his dollar to buy a soda) What? Would you get out of here?
(later, as SpongeBob leads Mystery out of the kitchen, a fish is crying as well, but then notices Squidward holding the bowl of onions under his nose)
Fish: HEY!
Near the end of the episode, when SpongeBob is shooing his seahorse away, he closes his eyes while he's crying. Patrick then comes by with the board nailed to his head, right when SpongeBob screams "Just get out of here, you stupid dumb animal!", which causes Patrick to silently and emotionlessly turn and walk away.
Just One Bite.
SpongeBob is trying to convince Squidward to eat a Krabby Patty.
Squidward: Try one of those radioactive sludgeballs you call food?!? Next I suppose you'll want me to go square dancing with Patrick!
SpongeBob: (to Patrick in a cowboy suit). Sorry, Patrick...
(Patrick moans in disappointment and sulks away)
This one:
SpongeBob: But it's good for you!
Squidward: G-"Good for you"?! That thing is a heart attack on a bun!
SpongeBob: No, Squidward, I meant...good for your soul...
(angelic background and singing)
Squidward: Oh, puh-leeze. I have no soul!
(hellish background and evil music)
Demonic Voice: Bwahahahahahaaa!
(Squidward's eyes widen, music stops short and he walks away)
The deleted part where Squidward repeatedly gets doused with gas and set ablaze.
Squidward bites a tiny bit of meat from the Krabby Patty. He then goes on to talk about how disgusting the Patty tasted.
SpongeBob: Are you sure?
Squidward: Does THIS look unsure to you??? (camera reveals Squidward's stern face designed in a surreal Nightmare Fuel fashion)
SpongeBob: No.
Moments later after SpongeBob walks back inside, Squidward frantically digs up the Krabby Patty.
Squidward: (with tears of joy) Still alive!! (eats the sand-covered Krabby Patty) So DELICIOUS! All the wasted years! (sobs and licks the ground where the Krabby Patty was buried)
From that same episode we get this:
Squidward: What do I have to do? Eat one out of the garbage?!
Random fish with a bulging stomach: I wish I could eat this (Krabby Patty with a single bite), but I'm so darn full. Oh well. (tosses Krabby Patty in the garbage).
Squidward: I had to say garbage. But, OKAY. (runs to the garbage can, which reveals the Krabby Patty on top. Squidward dives headfirst into the garbage can and eats ravenously. However, Squidward then looks into the trash can again, which is now empty of all its contents except the Krabby Patty.)
And:
SpongeBob: You like Krabby Patties, don't you Squidward?
SpongeBob's face◊ when he has this realisation is priceless, to the extent of becoming a Memetic Mutation.
Later:
SpongeBob: Squidward, you can't all those patties at one time! SQUIDWARD!
Squidward: What's gonna happen, am I gonna blow up?
SpongeBob: No, worse! It'll straight to your thighs!
Squidward: My thighs?...
SpongeBob: And then you blow up!
(KABOOM)
In the episode The Bully, the running gag of the old man being beaten up.
Also, this little gem.
SpongeBob: Hi, I'm SpongeBob!
Flatts: Hi, SpongeBob. I'm going to kick your butt.
SpongeBob:[gasps, then laughs] That joke was almost funnier the second time!
Flatts:[leans over SpongeBob menacingly] No. I mean it.
SpongeBob:[laughs again] That time it almost seemed like...
[Flatts rips his shirt and the hair on his chest off which says underneath "I mean it"].
SpongeBob:[horrified]...you did mean it.
SpongeBob acting "natural".
Fish: "Oh, that's real nice."
From Nasty Patty:
Mr. Krabs: Wash your hands, clean the floors, change your underwear! The health inspector's here! (he and SpongeBob peek out the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is writing on a clipboard) If he finds one health violation, he'll close us down for good. We've got to do everything in our power to make sure he passes the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, there's no reason to worry. (eyes glitter) The Krusty Krab is the most perfect place in the universe.
Mr. Krabs: You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son?
The episode 'Idiot Box' has a Running Gag where SpongeBob repeatedly says "Imaginaaation," while forming a rainbow with his hands.
Also, this dialogue:
SpongeBob: With (forms rainbow with his fingers) imaginaaaaation, I can be anything I want! A pirate! Arrg! A football player! Hutt!
In the first few minutes of the episode, this exchange occurs:
Patrick: Let's play Mountain Climbing Adventure!
SpongeBob: Let's go for it! (pulls the flaps of the box over on them) Gloves!
Patrick: Check.
SpongeBob: Hats!
Patrick: Check.
SpongeBob: Underwear!
Patrick: Uh… (checks) check!
SpongeBob: OK Patrick, climb up there and secure this rope.
Patrick: You got it! (climbing noises come from the box)
SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, you're going too high!
Squidward: I hope they put some air holes in that box. (goes inside the house)
SpongeBob: Take it easy, Patrick, you've got to acclimate!
Patrick: I'll take it easy when I'm dead! I'm shaking hands with Neptune! Woo! Excelsior!
Squidward:(opens his door) Now where's that remote? (walks up to the remote, which is right next to the box. He picks it up)
Patrick: I am the lizard king! Whoo!
SpongeBob: Patrick? Patrick? Patrick! I think we need to keep our voices down! We might start an avalanche!
Patrick: What?
SpongeBob: I said, I think we should keep our voices down, in case of avalanches!
Patrick: What should we keep down?
Squidward: Morons.
SpongeBob: OUR VOICES!
Squidward: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?! (he kicks the box, causing an avalanche inside it)
SpongeBob and Patrick:(screaming, then whimpering)
Squidward: Sponge...Bob? (touches box lightly with a tentacle tip; more screaming)
SpongeBob and Patrick:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Also, the conversation that follows, with SpongeBob and Patrick talk about cutting limbs off and Squidward opening the box to find SpongeBob and Patrick okay.
The memorial for the brave soldiers who fought on Robot Pirate Island.
When the rescue team comes after SpongeBob and Patrick talk about cutting off their limbs.
Rescuer: This is the rescue team speaking! The saws are on the way!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yaaaaay!
Squidward's trying to drown out SpongeBob and Patrick's games with his new TV:
TV Announcer: It is here that the box has reach its final stage of assembly.
(Squid changes the channel)
Scientist Fish: The equation is illustrated here by this box.
(Squid changes the channel)
Boy Fish: I couldn't get you anything this year, so I got you this box.
Girl Fish: That's what I got you!
Squidward: Isn't there anything on that isn't about BOXES?!
TV Announcer: And welcome back to championship boxing!
Squidward: Heheh, I guess this is okay. I mean it's not really about boxes...
(cut to the TV screen showing two boxes fighting in the ring.)
Squidward: ...I give up.
Squidward imagining what they're really doing in the box:
SpongeBob:(taking out a tape recorder and playing it)(laughs) Squidward's such a jerk.
The first part of SpongeBob and Sandy's karate fight:
Sandy: Hi-yah! (karate chops SpongeBob into the air. SpongeBob crashes into the ground, followed by his pants, socks, and shoes. He stands up with the clothing on his head and feet in some food)
SpongeBob: I may be down, but I’m not out! (looks down at his feet, which are in some potato salad at a family picnic)
Tom: Way to go, buddy. It took us three days to make that potato salad. (SpongeBob jumps away) THREE DAYS!!!
Reg: Listen, kid. I think you’d be more comfortable over at that place. (points to the building across the street)
SpongeBob: Weenie Hut Jr’s?! Are you saying I belong at Weenie Hut Jr’s?
Reg: Oh no, sorry, I was actually pointing at the place next to it. (points to another building)
SpongeBob: Super Weenie Hut Jr’s?!
Reg: Yeah. Unless you think you’re tough enough to fight me. (SpongeBob breathes deeply, as if to say something. Scene then cuts to him sitting in a seat at Weenie Hut Jr's)
Words cannot describe the hilarity of this part:
(SpongeBob walks over to Reg with a black wig on)
SpongeBob look-alike: (cool voice) What's shakin', my man?
Reg: Not much. Say, haven’t I seen you before?
SpongeBob look-alike: (cool voice) Doubt it - I’m a drifter - just blew into town. Heard your club was pretty tough, thought I’d check it out.
Reg: Nice try, kid. I know it’s you.
SpongeBob look-alike: (Normal SpongeBob voice) What’re you talking about? (Reg pulls SpongeBob’s hair, but it is still attached to his head)
Reg: Aha! (the hair does not come off. Another SpongeBob walks up with a clown wig on)
SpongeBob: Hey, everybody, what’s goin’ on? (Reg tries to redo the other's hair but can't do)
Reg: Ah, you can go in. Sorry about that. (SpongeBob look-alike angrily walks in) What do you want?
SpongeBob: I’d like to gain entrance to your social club, please. (puffs wig) I believe my hairdo is in order. (Reg rips the wig off SpongeBob’s head. SpongeBob laughs nervously)
And for the ending of this episode:
Reg: I never thought I’d say this, but go ahead in.
SpongeBob: Really? I can go in? Oh my gosh, I never thought this moment would come! I, SpongeBob SquarePants, am tough enough to get into the Salty Spittoon! This is the happiest day of my life! (walks in; scene cuts to an ambulance driving down the street with SpongeBob in bandages and Sandy by his side) Sandy? (groans) What happened?
Sandy: You ran inside and slipped on an ice cube. (ambulance arrives at the hospital; scene cuts to Sandy wheeling SpongeBob in front of the doctor)
Doctor: What happened?
SpongeBob: I slipped on an ice cube and got covered in boo-boos!
Doctor: Boo-boos, eh? Hmmm...I think you guys want that hospital. (points across the street to another hospital)
SpongeBob: Weenie Hut General?!
From 'Squilliam Returns':
Squidward: (thinking to himself) Don’t be intimidated, Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear. (imagines Squilliam in his boxers, but he has the body of an underwater model) Oh no, he’s hot!!!
From "Krab-Borg" after SpongeBob and Squidward see Mr. Krabs with red eyes, tongs, and dead batteries run into the bathroom.
Squidward:(to SpongeBob) I'll evacuate the customers, you call the Navy!
SpongeBob: Hello, operator, get me the Navy!
Answering Machine: Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service!
SpongeBob: Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!
Squidward: NOT THE NAVY! (over intercom) Attention, everyone, run for your lives! The robots are taking over the world! (no one moves) OUR WORLD! (customers scream and run out of the restaurant.)
This exchange:
Spongebob: In the movie the hero teams up with a buddy and get the poop on the robot.
During their first outing as parents, they pass a fish couple pushing a baby carriage. As the parents take in the sight of SpongeBob and Patrick and the scallop, a thought bubble appears over their heads with the rebus "(Sponge) + (Starfish) = (Scallop)?", causing them to make disgusted faces. Later on, they are seen riding a bike. The last time they ride past the TV, Spongebob & Patrick are chasing after the bike with the baby still on it!
After their first day as parents:
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob? (goes to what appears to be the right side of the bed)
SpongeBob: (goes to what appears to be the left side) Yes, Patrick?
Patrick: I never thought being a parent could be this much fun.
SpongeBob: Me neither. (scene zooms out, revealing that Patrick is sleeping on the bottom mattress and SpongeBob is sleeping on the top)
Patrick: Well, good night SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick. (SpongeBob’s mattress slams shut on top of Patrick)
And finally, the ending, which sparked a thousand controversies about SpongeBob and Patrick:
SpongeBob: Junior? He’s flying!
Patrick: I guess he’s all grown up! (Junior kisses SpongeBob then flies off) Hey, what about Daddy? (Junior drops a coconut on Patrick's head, then kisses him) That's my boy!
SpongeBob: Goodbye.
Patrick: Goodbye, Junior!
SpongeBob: Well Patrick, he doesn’t need us anymore.
Patrick: This is the hardest part of every parents life, I assume.
SpongeBob: Despite all we’ve been through, it was worth it.
Patrick: Yeah... Let’s have another. (SpongeBob looks shocked.)
It's pretty dark, but funny nonetheless. Patrick's original solution to solving the problem of the noisy baby scallop.
Patrick:(raises his foot with a threatening look on his face) I'll take care of this!
SpongeBob: NO PATRICK!!
This scene in 'Wet Painters':
SpongeBob: Ok, Patrick, let’s get our brushes ready. (holds up his big brush) Uhh, maybe we should start with a smaller brush. (takes another small brush and gets a hair out of his nose. Patrick gets all his hairs out of his nose on his brush. SpongeBob dips the brush into the can and then faces the wall) Alright, Patrick, gotta get started painting this wall. With the permanent paint that we’re not allowed to get on anything but the wall. Well, here we go.
Narrator: One hour later.
SpongeBob: (still standing in the same spot) Just a few more seconds of mental preparation and I’ll be painting this wall!
Narrator: Two hours later.
SpongeBob: (still standing in the same spot and sweating) I’m getting to the painting...
"Wet Painters" is filled with Moments of Funny, but the funniest moment occurs when SpongeBob accidentally makes a giant paint bubble:
SpongeBob:What could be worse than a giant paint bubble?! Patrick: Ooh! I know! (produces a bubble wand, dips in into the paint, and blows another giant paint bubble)Two giant paint bubbles! (the bubbles collide and form one MASSIVE paint bubble) SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think this bubble can get much bigger! Patrick: Nonsense! (produces a bike pump to hook up to the paint bubble, inflating it further)
While trying to remove the paint stain from Mr. Krab's dollar by whaling it with a bat:
Patrick: Oof! Oof! OOF!
SpongeBob: NOTHING'S WORKING!
Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob! we’re not cavemen! (walks over to a computer) We have technology! (picks up the computer and smashes it on the dollar)
SpongeBob: It didn’t work.
When Mr. Krabs comes home.
Mr. Krabs: Crimminy-Jim-jim! You messed up my dollar...(moves toward a random shelf of dolls) rama!
(SpongeBob and Patrick look confused)
Mr. Krabs: All these dolls in this Doll-O-Rama were perfectly aligned! (adjust one of the dolls to an upright position) And you boys thought I wouldn't notice.
When Mr. Krabs discovers the hiding spot and throws away a bunch of paintings (one of them Painty the Pirate, seen in the opening). He then sees SpongeBob behind the final one.
Narrator: Now we go from behind the scenes to the front lines, where we’ll examine the most important aspect of the industry, the customer. Or as we say, the 'Krustomer'.
Patrick:(stops) Who said that?! Are you a ghost?!?
Narrator: Like precious, precious blood in an animal, the customer is what makes the Krusty Krab strong and alive.
Patrick: Squidward, your ceiling is talking to me!
Squidward: Are you going to order something or just make friends with the paneling?
Patrick: Uhh...I’ll have an uhh...uhh...uhh...ah... (falls asleep and drools 'til Squidward snaps his fingers, causing him to wake up) What’s that?
Squidward: Patrick, go be stupid somewhere else.
Narrator: Ah-ah-ah, Squidward, remember what Mr. Krabs says. (pan over to a hanging cutout of Mr. Krabs with a speech balloon)
Mr. Krabs: The money is always right!
Patrick: The ceiling is right Squidward, you’re not a very good employee.
Squidward: Fine. May I please take your order?
Patrick: I’ll have uhh... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................................................... (drools again as Squidward gets angry)
Narrator:(scene cuts to Squidward and Patrick, Patrick is still saying uhhhhhh.................................) Let’s check in on Squidward again. Psst, Squidward.
Squidward: Huh?
Narrator: Just remember: POOP.
Squidward: Patrick, if I could make a suggestion, why don't you order a Krabby Patty?
Patrick: Great idea, Squidward! One Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward:(sighs) Will that be here or for to go? (immediately realizes his mistake and quickly covers his mouth, but it's too late)
Patrick: Uuhhhhhh............ (Squidward bangs his head against the register)
And the ending:
Narrator: The secret formula i- (cuts to credits)
From 'Party Pooper Pants':
SpongeBob: Squidward, you made it!
Squidward: My cable's out.
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry to hear about that. (pushes pliers deeper in his back pocket)
"I don't even know how that happened."
I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAD THE BUNNY HOP!!!!!
When he's arrested, the policewoman complains that the handcuffs are broken. The policeman says "I got an old pair in the trunk!" Cue SpongeBob in an old-fashioned wooden shackle.
'Chocolate With Nuts'. That is all.
This infamous scene:
(Outside Tom's house)
SpongeBob: Okay Patrick, this is it - the first step on our road to livin' fancy. (they ring the doorbell and Tom answers)
SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir. Could we interest you in some chocolate?
Tom: Chocolate? Did you say chocolate?
Patrick: Yes sir, with or without nuts?
Tom: Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?!!! (screaming) CHOCOLATE!!! CHOCOLATE!!! (terrified, SpongeBob and Patrick make a run for it)
SpongeBob: (next scene) Okay, that first guy didn't count.
While discussing about how to win customers:
SpongeBob: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.
(an old woman opens the door to find SpongeBob and Patrick standing there)
SpongeBob: Hello, young lady! (winks conspiratorially with Patrick) We're selling chocolates. Is your mother home?
(the old woman pauses for a moment, then yells "Mom!" an incredibly decrepit woman who looks more like a burnt corpse than a fish wheels herself into view on her wheelchair)
Old Woman's Mother: What?! What, what's all the yelling? (SpongeBob and Patrick are startled) You just can't wait for me to die, can you?
Old Woman: They're selling chocolates!
Old Woman's Mother: Chocolates?
Old Woman: Yeah!
Old Woman's Mother: What? What are they selling?
Old Woman: Chocolate!
Old Woman's Mother: What?
Old Woman: CHOCOLATE!
Old Woman's Mother: I can't hear you!
Old Woman: THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATE!!!
Old Woman's Mother: They're selling chocolate?
Old Woman: Yeah!
Old Woman's Mother: (with an expression of fondness) Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate... (her expression abruptly changes) I always HATED IT!
SpongeBob: (sweating profusely) Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating! It's for...
Patrick: You rub it on your skin, and it makes you live forever!
(the younger of the two women begins to shake her head and hands at SpongeBob and Patrick with a mortified expression as her mother continues)
Old Woman: No...no...no...
Old Woman's Mother: Live forever, you say? I'll take one!
(after facepalming, the younger woman gives SpongeBob the money in return for the chocolate, as the house is now seen from the side with her mother out of shot)
Old Woman's Mother: Come on, you lazy Mary! Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
Old Woman/Mary: (to SpongeBob) I hate you.
And then the part with Tom again, after SpongeBob and Patrick have all but given up.
Tom:(pops up behind SpongeBob and Patrick)CHOCOLAAAAATTTTTTTTEEEEEE!(SpongeBob and Patrick begin crying and pleading; Tom laughs maniacally) FINALLY! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CATCH YOU BOYS ALL DAY! NOW THAT I'VE GOT YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU... (calms down and pulls out a big wad of cash) I'd like to buy all your chocolate! (all the chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's pants, followed by a Hershey Kiss. SpongeBob and Patrick slowly melt into a puddle.]]
SpongeBob: Thank you for your patronage.
From 'Mid-Life Crustacean':
SpongeBob: Are you feeling it, Mr. Krabs?
Patrick: (camera switches to him) I'm feeling it, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: (from off-screen) Patrick, that's not a ride! (camera pans out to reveal that Patrick is actually riding a customer with a cart)
"I Had An Accident". Here, SpongeBob has an accident where he decides that he won't go outside anymore to avoid further accidents. Before that accident, Patrick attempts sand boarding, only to land in the side of a mountain & shatter to pieces. The screen goes back to reveal that the "patrick" we saw was in a video game that the real Patrick was playing. Cue the same scene happening to the real Patrick.
While SpongeBob is falling from the mountain:
Sandy: SpongeBob! Land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall!
SpongeBob: (takes off pants) Like this?
Patrick: No, your other bottom!
Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?
Patrick: Not until 4:00.
SpongeBob: (crashes)
Sandy: Ooh, that's got to hurt.
Patrick: Do it again! I wasn't looking!
After learning about SpongeBob's decision:
SpongeBob: Listen, I've reached my point. I'm never going outside again.
Patrick: Never ever?
SpongeBob: Never ever ever!
Patrick: Never never ever for never ever?!
SpongeBob: Never ever never never ever ever never!!
Patrick: Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Never ever never never ever never ever never…
SpongeBob: D'alright Patrick, that is enough!!! Chip, will you escort these two to the door? (throws Chip to the door)
Patrick: Thank you, Chip. (outside) I guess I'm going to have to find a new best friend... Hey Squidward!
Squidward: NO.
Patrick: Oh.
Sandy: Don't worry Pat, we'll get SpongeBob to come outside, and then he'll see there's nothing to be afraid of.
Patrick: And that's when I punch him, right? (Sandy gives a bummed look)
While trying to tempt SpongeBob into coming outside:
Sandy: Trampoline!
Patrick: Ice cream!
Sandy: Underwater surfing!
Patrick: Two ice creams!
Sandy: Ferris wheel!
Patrick: (the two ice cream cones are melting) Still two ice creams!
Sandy: Clam wrestling!
Patrick: Washing an old person!
Sandy: Patrick, that ain't fun!
Old Man: It is for me!
SpongeBob: (breathing differently as before)
Sandy: Nothing's working, Pat!
Patrick: What do we do now?
Old Man: I say we take a bath!
Sandy: What the-? Would you get out of here?!
The ending of this episode, where it is revealed that a family is actually watching the show, the father gives a confused look, then turns off the TV.
Just before that, SpongeBob gets torn in half by a gorilla, and we get this exchange:
SpongeBob (Left half): Y'know what I don't understand?
Gorilla: Uh...well...uh, it's funny that you should...I mean... George, they're onto us!!
Horse: Let's get outta here! (the gorilla jumps onto the horse and rides off into the sunset while smacking its behind. It must be seen to be believed.
The kid-friendly form of Cold-Blooded Torture in 'Krabby Land': Mr. Krabs being tied to a post and being forcefully fed lima beans.
Actually, given Mr. Krabs's character in here, that's pretty justified.
Spongebob trying to entertain the kids (to no avail) while Mr. Krabs goes to count their money.
Monroe: You're not Krabby the Clown.
Spongebob: No I'm not! I'm, uh... (puts on a mask) I'm Krabby's beloved sidekick, the Krabby Patty...Burglar!
Child: Lame.
Spongebob: Krabby will be here soon. He, uh, had to take the bus. But in the meantime, let's have some fun! You kids like bubbles? (picks up a bubble wand)
Monroe: No.
The Camping Episode. "THAT WAS AN OVAL. IT HAS TO BE A CIRCLE."
The exchange from when Squidward got attacked by the sea bear for no apparent reason:
Squidward: (after being attacked by the sea bear once again) What did I do that time?!
Squidward Tempting Fate by doing all the things you're not supposed to do that'll attract a sea bear and then getting mauled by the sea bear four times: the second for running, the third for limping, and the fourth for crawling, before the next above-mentioned attack.
SpongeBob: I call this one "The Campfire Song Song". (singing) Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song, our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song. And if you don't think that we can't sing it faster, then you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along...
Patrick: Bum bum bum!
(tempo gets higher, Patrick can't keep up)
SpongeBob: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song, C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song, and if you don't think that we can't sing it faster, then you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along.
SpongeBob: It's a good thing that was only a sea bear. This anti-sea bear circle would never hold off a sea rhinoceros.
Squidward: What attracts them?
Patrick: The sound of a sea bear attack. (screen zooms out to reveal a sea rhinoceros next to them)
SpongeBob Good thing we're wearing our anti-sea rhinoceros undergarments, right Squidward?
From 'The Sponge Who Could Fly':
SpongeBob: Wait a minute, I'm forgetting the words of Grandpa SquarePants. (a thought cloud appears above SpongeBob’s head; SpongeBob’s grandfather is inside of it)
Grandpa SquarePants: If we were meant to fly, we'd have propellers on our heads or jet engines on our backs. (the cloud disappears)
SpongeBob: (snaps) I'm gonna follow his advice, by gum. I'll invent a flying machine! (cuts to SpongeBob working on building a plane outside of a barn; Patrick walks up to him)
Patrick: What's that contraption, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: That, Patrick, is a flying machine.
Patrick: (laughs)
SpongeBob: What's so funny?
Patrick: Well, it's like my grandpa used to say. (a thought cloud appears over his head; Grandpa SquarePants is inside it again)
Grandpa SquarePants: If we were meant to fly, uh... hey, I'm not your grandfather! (pokes Patrick in the head with his cane; the thought cloud disappears)
From the show's long Cold Open, the "cheap walk cycles." So shamelessly random, it's hilarious.
The scene in "Pranks a Lot" when SpongeBob and Patrick freak Mr. Krabs out.
SpongeBob and Patrick: "OOOOOOH...Kraaaaabsssss...."
Mr. Krabs: "Wha...?"
SpongeBob: "Krabs, we've come to haunt you!"
Mr. Krabs:(swinging the paddleball) "Stay back! I'm well armed!"
SpongeBob and Patrick: "OOOOOOOH..."
Mr. Krabs: "I'm warning you!"
SpongeBob and Patrick:(howling eerily) (they cut the paddleball's string with scissors)
Mr. Krabs:(teeth chattering) "Ohhhhhh...."
SpongeBob and Patrick: "Boo."
Mr. Krabs: "AAAAAAHHH!!!!" (starts running) "I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!!" (slams into the front doors)
SpongeBob: "You can't escape, Krabs! We've glued the doors shut!"
Mr. Krabs: "You'll never get me! (runs into the window but it pulls him back and he crashes into a table)
Patrick: "Nice try, Krabs, but we've replaced all the glass with rubber!"
(Mr. Krabs runs into the washroom and sticks his head in a toilet, but can't fit.)
SpongeBob: "Too late, Krabs! We've already clogged all the toilets!"
Mr. Krabs:(runs into a corner) "Please spirits! Leave me be! Oh please! Please! Have mercy...!"
Patrick:(stifled laugh) "Oh, we've got him good, SpongeBob!"
SpongeBob: "Wait, Patrick, I've got one more idea!" "You're going to pay, Krabs!"
Mr. Krabs: "No, spirits. Please!" (a dollar floats next to him)
SpongeBob: "Pay!"
Mr. Krabs: "No!"
SpongeBob: "PAY!" (holds a lighted match against the dollar)
Mr. Krabs: "NO! Don't burn me dollar!"
As well as everyone else in Bikini Bottom. One funny example being Mrs. Puff, who is about to eat devil's food cake, but SpongeBob and Patrick eat it, and Mrs. Puff freaks out, puffs up, and flies around the room like a deflating balloon, screaming, "GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSS!"
"I don't know why, but I think I'll kick SpongeBob's butt tomorrow." Later, "That's for yesterday, SquarePants!"
In the episode "Doing Time" when Mrs. Puff is sent to jail:
Mrs. Puff: But I don't belong here! This is all a big mistake!
Inmate No.1: Yeah, I don't belong here, either! I'm innocent!
Inmate No.2: Me too!
Inmate No.3: (in a Southern drawl) I belong here!
The ending, where Mrs. Puff keeps waking up to the start of the episode, to the point of Inception levels.
When Mrs. Puff is freaking out after seeing SpongeBob and Patrick in disguise, as they walk off and then the real guards show up after hearing her scream.
Prison Guard No. 1: What the barnacle is going on?!
Mrs. Puff: Get away from me, get away!
Prison Guard No. 1: What are you talking about, Puff?
Mrs. Puff: You can't fool me! You're SpongeBob and that guy who likes the chili! (rips off the guards' faces)
From "One Krabs Trash," wherein Mr. Krabs finds out that a hat he sold to SpongeBob is actually worth an insane amount of money and he tries to get it back.
Mr. Krabs: Listen, I didn't wanna say this in front of Patrick, but that hat makes you look like a girl.
SpongeBob: [smiling eagerly] Am I a pretty girl?
Mr. Krabs: Oh....um...you're...you're beautiful.
[a mailman gives Mr. Krabs an odd look and walks away]
Later in the same episode, Mr. Krabs is in a graveyard and sees Squidward placing flowers on a grave and weeping. Curious, Mr. Krabs reads what the tombstone says: "Here lies Squidward's hopes and dreams".
Mr. Krabs: What a baby.
Made even funnier when Squidward sees Mr. Krabs crying because the hat was declared worthless at the end of the episode.
OH MY GOSH!! A FLOATING SHOPPING LIST!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
When Mr. Krabs encounters the zombies:
Mr. Krabs: Oh no! I've seen this on the late show! You ghoulish fiends hold me down and take turns nibbling on my innards, then you'll eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards!
Smitty Werbenjaegermanjensen: That's disgusting! We just want the hat back.
The back and forth from Mrs. Puff with the razor that would peel the star off and SpongeBob going crazy.
After SpongeBob gets sent to the back of the room:
SpongeBob: Well, I guess I can be a good noodle from back here. (Mrs Puff's voice is receding as SpongeBob tries to listen from the back) It’s so hard to hear! What kind of student sits back here anyway?! (reads the writing on the desk) 'Skool is 4 Chumps'? (shivers)Where am I?!
Patrick: Psst, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Just ignore him, SpongeBob.
Patrick: SpongeBob, over here!
SpongeBob: Whatever you do, don't look at him.
Patrick: Psst, SpongeBob! (throws ball of paper) Psst, SpongeBob! (throws a book at SpongeBob) SpongeBob! (spits a bunch of spitballs on SpongeBob's face) SpongeBob! Psst, over here. I'm trying to tell you something. Something important!
SpongeBob:(covered in spitballs)What?!
Patrick:(timidly) Hi.
SpongeBob: ...HIIIIIII?!?!?!?!
At this point, the spitballs that were all over SpongeBob's face go flying off of him, leaving him sat at his desk snarling with rage. The camera then pans out to show Mrs Puff - to add insult to injury to SpongeBob's current predicament - stood next to him, the spitballs having hit her.
Mrs Puff: Perhaps this would be a good time for recess.
In the episode "Clams", as Krabs raves on about how a crew like SpongeBob and Squidward come along once in a lifetime, the scene shifts to a hideously-drawn SpongeBob and Squidward.
Even better, later on as SpongeBob is trying his hand at fishing, Squidward attempts to relax with a book. SpongeBob, unknowingly, hooks the book as he casts, then the chair Squidward was laying on, causing him to flip over. Then this piece occurs:
After three days of trying to find old "Blue-Lip", the giant clam that ate Krabs's millionth-dollar bill, Squidward decides to deceive him with another dollar bill. However, as Krabs is celebrating, he realizes something's amiss...
Krabs: Wait a minute...this isn't me millionth dollar. (SpongeBob and Squidward look at each other) This is an ordinary dollar that's been crumpled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon and kissed with Coral Blue Number Two Semi-gloss Lipstick.
SpongeBob: (is now holding a purse and wearing lipstick) Actually, it's Coral Blue Number- (Squidward conks him).
Later, Mr. Krabs refuses to let either the two eat until they get the dollar bill by dumping all the sandwiches from the boat, including the fridge.
Squidward: (dragging SpongeBob away) Uh, SpongeBob? Can I have a word with you? Have you noticed that Mr. Krabs has gone COMPLETELY INSANE?!
SpongeBob: What do you mean?
Squidward: Just look at him. (cut to Mr. Krabs wearing a funeral veil and mourning in front of a tombstone that reads "R.I.P.: Me Millionth Dollar)
SpongeBob: Squidward, he's lost something near and dear to him. Haven't you-?
"I'm tired of playing second banana to a man who wears a bra!"
"Wanna see me run to that mountain and back? ...Ya wanna see me do it again?"
"Can You Spare a Dime" has a few:
SpongeBob: How about I call someone whose JOB it is to fix it?! Ya know why?!? Cause when I need a JOB done, I get someone with a JOB TO DO THAT JOB!!!!!
Squidward: ...What are you saying?
SpongeBob: [pushes Squidward's bed through a wall and starts running with it] AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
And
Mr. Krabs: Well the way I see it there are three possiblities, one, you put the dime in me pants, two, you put the dime in me pants, or three, YOU PUT THE DIME IN ME PANTS!
"So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one."
"Plankton's Army", the scene where Karen pokes fun at Plankton's first name*
Sheldon
on a blackboard. The first time she types it on the blackboard in green letters and Plankton's cousins laugh. Plankton turns to the board and his name disappears. He continues speaking, but then his name appears again, this time with a big red hand below it pointing at him, making Plankton's cousins laugh again, and it disappears again just as Plankton turns back to look at the board. He resumes speaking, but then his name appears in colorful letters with a colorful arrow pointing at him, making his cousins laugh at him again. It disappears again as Plankton turns to look. Plankton starts to get annoyed and tries to speak further before his name appears on the board with stars, making everyone laugh again and this time, Plankton catches it and unplugs Karen.
The Flying Dutchman demonstrating the "Poop Loop" shoelace trick.
In "Missing Identity," SpongeBob tries to find his nametag by tracing the steps of what he did that morning - starting with getting tangled in his bedclothes, falling downstairs, and being launched across his living room by his alarm clock. He ends up having to do it repeatedly (and becomes more irritated each time) because Patrick keeps messing up his line (which was saying "hi" to SpongeBob as he walked past). One of the times when he messes up:
SpongeBob is glaring at Patrick the entire time, then walks away
Patrick: (still laughing) I said Spongeboob! (calms down) Again, again, sorry people.
Earlier, while SpongeBob was going through his morning routine, he accounts to having fed Gary the same brand of Snailpo for years, without knowing what it tasted like. So he cheerfully touches a bit with his tongue, smiling wide... before he gags and emits a sonic "BLEUGH!"
SpongeBob: BLEUGH! (wider shot of Bikini Bottom) BLEUGH! (shot of the Snailpo factory) BLEUGH!
(cut to meeting room in the Snailpo factory)
Secretary Fish: (she and another fish point at a snail chart while Peterson flinches) What is it, Peterson?
The post-movie episode "Fear of A Krabby Patty" has Plankton trying to find out the secret formula by pretending to cure SpongeBob's insomnia-induced fear of Krabby Patties. When he tries to get SpongeBob to recognize its ingredients, he pronounces potato and tomato as 'patato' and 'tamato'. Later, Plankton tells SpongeBob to confront his fear by thinking about it and when SpongeBob takes it too far he whips out a piano from nowhere, and Plankton barely has time to lampshade it before you know what happened.
"Hey SpongeBob, I heard your brain was sick, so I brought you a cookie pizza. And here's some chocolate milk."
SpongeBob's face after being overworked (just before he starts hallucinating Mr. Krabs as a giant Krabby Patty, which is a CMOF in of itself) is absolutely priceless.
The Tiredness Montage. We see a view of the ocean island, changing between night and day as images of Mr. Krabs announcing the day, Plankton schemeing, and SpongeBob working. However, during it, an image of confused Old Man Jenkins floats by randomly, saying "Wait, what's going on? Whoa, whoa!"
"Hey, where'd you get that piano?"
"That's what I thought you said. Now let me offer this as a rebuttal: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Later, Plankton attempts to use hypnosis to get SpongeBob to tell him the Krabby Patty secret formula. Unfortunately (for him), he can't get SpongeBob to wake up, even after shouting and using cymbals and loudspeakers. Plankton runs himself dry, and goes "What else is loud and obnoxious?" He pulls out a cell phone with the ring tone playing.
"SpongeBob, I think you need to see a professional." "Wrestler?"
'The Lost Mattress' has the Running Gag of Mr. Krabs being relocated to far less comfortable locations. (From the hospital room to the hallway, then just outside the hospital, and finally pushed down to hill to where his mattress is thrown out.)
'Have You Seen This Snail?'
The 'Dirty Bubble' becoming a paddleball champion, which is odd, considering he's a bubble.
Though there is a picture of him actually holding a paddleball and playing it, strange as it sounds.
While SpongeBob and Patrick were looking for Gary:
Squidward: (taking a bath) What are those neanderthals up to? Don't they know that I'm busy spoiling myself? (SpongeBob and Patrick barge in his bathroom)AAAHHH!!! AAAHHHH!!! AAAHHH!!!(pants)
This scene:
Patrick:(SpongeBob is sky-writing "Gary, come home!") I want peanuts. (Presses a button)
SpongeBob: PAT, NO! (both scream as the plane flies out of control, erasing the message and creating one that says "Lisa, will you marry me?" as a fish couple sees the message)
While Patrick is comforting SpongeBob after failing to find Gary:
Patrick:(Patrick is comforting SpongeBob) Just let it all out buddy, that's it.
SpongeBob: I can't cry any more, Patrick. When Gary left, he took all my tears with him.
Patrick: Did you just say Gary? SpongeBob, I just remembered! Earlier today at the craft store, I SAW...these huge chunks of balsa wood, they were awesome!
In "Mrs. Puff, You're Fired", a representative from the BSTAB has reminded Mrs. Puff of her unusual amount of failings in her classroom. Mrs. Puff retorts and says that only one student has failed her class (SpongeBob) and the representative tells her that he failed the test approximately 1,258,056 times, while showing a folder where the failed files of SpongeBob are shown. He flips them over and the pictures of SpongeBob are shown laughing.
After Mrs. Puff is fired, she is enjoying a scenery while painting. She quickly notices the boat and attempts to paint something really quick. When the boat runs into her, the painting is shown to be SpongeBob, the instructor and Mr. Fits fearing for their lives.
From the episode "Wishing You Well" when SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are stuck at the bottom of the well, we have this exchange:
Squidward:(to Patrick) Could you not stand so close to me? You're making me claustrophobic.
Patrick: What does 'claustrophobic' mean?
SpongeBob: It means he's afraid of Santa Claus.
Squidward: No it doesn't!
Patrick:(waving arms)HO HO HO!!!
SpongeBob: Stop it, Patrick! You're scaring him!
"Selling Out": Mr. Krabs gets so bored with his retirement that he goes out to play golf. Then he stops in the middle of the game, saying to himself "Wait a minute...I hate golf!"
In the episode "Born To be Wild", SpongeBob says he has to take the 'shortcut' to the Krusty Krab. The shortcut is the bubbles they use to change scenes. Mr. Krabs' reaction to SpongeBob suddenly being there is priceless.
In the episode "Good Neighbors", Squidward blowing up at SpongeBob and Patrick.
Squidward:(opens the door) Alright, you two! OUT!(SpongeBob and Patrick slowly walk out) And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day, or tomorrow, or next week! SpongeBob: Squidward, does that include- Squidward:YES, IT DOES!(slams door) SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something? Squidward:(bursts head through door)YES, I WAS!You call yourselves good neighbors?! You're the worst neighbors ever!(deep breath) You don't deserve to wear those fezzes! (takes SpongeBob's and Patrick's fezzes off, flings them onto the ground and stomps on them) SpongeBob: Gee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right. Patrick: Yeah, I guess we're not good neighbors after all. Squidward:NO, YOU AREN'T! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS!(deep breath)AND STOP CALLING ME PRESIDENT!
In Driven to Tears, Patrick does the one thing (in one try) that SpongeBob could never do in over a million times... pass Ms. Puff's boating exam. With a perfect score.
Of course, SpongeBob slowly breaks as Patrick continues to brag about it, even to his parents. The moment they drive off:
Mr. Squarepants: Even Patrick has a license.
Mr. & Mrs. Squarepants sigh.
Season Five
Krabs flipping out over his thermostat in "Krabs à la Mode", just going to show how cheap he is.
Mr. Krabs:WHOOOOOOO! TOUUUUUCHED! MEEEE! THEROMSTAAAAAT!!
SpongeBob(much later) Squidward, look out for that falling shoe!
Patrick's EPIC song in "Sing A Song of Patrick".
Singer: Twinkle Twinkle Patrick Star, I made myself a sandwich. My mommy named it Fred. It tastes like beans and bacon, and smells like its been dead! Writing stuff is hard, so I use a pointy pencil pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point! P.U. what's that horrible smell? I have a head, it ends with a point, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point. This song is over, except for this line. You win this round, BROCCOLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And just WHAT happened to the band that recorded it?
Guitarist: Come on, guys. We're going to do this if it kills us. A-one, a-two, and a- (cut to the cemetery where the band members are buried)
Cemetery Manager: (grave voice) They wanted you to have this. (gives Patrick the record of his song)
Patrick: My song!
This moment:
Man: This song reminds me of you.
Song: ...P.U., what's that horrible smell? (woman hits man)
From "Atlantis Squarepantis", Plankton unleashing his wrath via a stolen Atlantean tank, only to find it had long ago been modified to only shoot...well, as a delighted Patrick puts it, "Plankton's wrath tastes like ice cream!".
Season Six
Another Post Movie episode, The Krabby Khronicle has a funny moment. In the episode, SpongeBob makes a news story about Patrick standing next to a pole. Mr. Krabs changes it so it says Patrick married the pole. This is funny enough, but at the end of the episode, Patrick shows up in a tuxedo with the you-know-what...
Patrick: Hey, can you fix me and the wife up with a couple of Krabby Patties?
From another more recent episode: the scene in "SpongeBob Vs. The Big One" where we find out that Davy Jones' locker is guarded by the REAL Davy Jones, complete with "Daydream Believer" in the background!
SpongeBob's plan to get Squidward back in his secret club in the 'Cephalopod Lodge': Pretending to be an eel (which is the mortal enemy of the cephalopods) by dressing up in a giant live-action sock, scare the members, have Squidward "defeat" them, and the members will hail Squidward as a hero and return him in the club. It works, but just as they were celebrating, SpongeBob and Patrick join along, while still wearing the live-action sock, which they take off, revealing the whole plan, causing all three of them to get kicked out again.
Their initiation in their own secret club.
When SpongeBob and Patrick are talking to Squidward while they're in the sock outside of the club. Not only does the sock look real, which makes it funny in the cartoon enviorment, but they move the sock's "mouth" when they talk.
The alternate versions of the theme song in "Truth Or Square".
Sand Castles in the Sand is pretty funny in itself. It starts out with SpongeBob and Patrick knocking their sand castles down, but it turns into a full-fledged war with armies, knights, warriors, cannons, giant mechas, fighter jets, and nuclear bombs...all made out of sand.
The episode "Not Normal", where SpongeBob learns to become normal after being convinced by Squidward that he isn't. He turns into a dull, round, hole-less version of himself without buck teeth, sitting in an office cubicle in place of his grill and making Krabby Patties via computer.
Neptune: I realized there was only one last resort
(Cut to a real life beach resort)
Neptune: Not that Resort!
Three Words: Chum Is Fum.
Your potty has a shocky thing in it.
Season Seven
In "I Heart Dancing", when SpongeBob shows Squidward his dance, Squidward walks away and tells him it's the worst dance he's ever seen. SpongeBob responds by saying "Who put you on the planet? UGH!"
The ending of Back To The Past. Time-travel induced Mind Screw doesn't begin to cover it. Even Man-Ray needs to sit down in confusion regarding all of the randomly-appearing time machines, several containing their own mini-CMOFs such as one forming in mid air and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy stepping out and falling.
The Graves.
This from "That Sinking Feeling"
Patrick: No need to thank us, Squidward.
Squidward: THANK YOU?!!!
Patrick: You're welcome.
How about...
Squidward's house sinks down to where SpongeBob and Patrick are playing
In "The Inside Job" Mr. Krabs attempts to scream the Krusty Krab formula so loudly. It's SO loud, that it hurts Plankton's ear drums. No typo, actual drums briefly came out of his ears.
The episode "You Don't Know Sponge" has one in the beginning when Patrick imitates the sound of a whale, getting the attention of another whale.
Whale: Huh? Did you hear that?
Fish: What's wrong Frank?
Frank:That song. It sounds just like Martha.
Fish: Frank, how many times do I have to tell you? Martha's no good for you. She's just no good!
Another one in said episode has SpongeBob asking Patrick if he knew if SpongeBob was a boy or a girl. Hedidn'tknow.
In "Sponge-cano!" Those singing garbage monsters. And the dolphin. And the sacrifice at the end.
"The Secret Origin of Mermaid Man". Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy gets hit by a variety of things that should mutate, if not kill regular people. But what ultimately turns them into what they are is overcooked popcorn.
"Plankton's Good Eye": How SpongeBob apparently sees the world. Explains a lot, doesn't it?
At the end of "Treats!", Patrick eats the last known box of Snail Bites, and starts meowing very loud like a snail. There are quite a few humorous scenes in this episode, like when Patrick pretends to be a snail, and the commercial at the beginning (all they ever say is "Snail Bites" over and over again.)
And Gary acting crazy over the Snail Bites. In fact, when SpongeBob is heading out the door to go to work, Gary is blocking the way, looking absolutely demented and holding the empty box of Snail Bites. SpongeBob tries to open the door and Gary snarls each time he tries.
Fiasco in both of his episodes ("Are You Happy Now?" and "Fiasco!").
From "Restraining SpongeBob" there's SpongeBob dropping Squidward into the deep fryer, causing him to come out as a giant crispy nugget.
From "Drive Thru":
Squidward: SpongeBob, 2 large, 2 medium, I hate my job.
The donut from "Ghoul Fools". While in the void, Patrick's form of torture is a donut who is stuck far up on his head, and Patrick cannot reach it. The donut asks what flavor Patrick would like him to be, and then..
*after many changes of what Patrick wants the donut to be*
Patrick: I'll have..a plain donut!
Donut: NOOOOOO!!!
Patrick's office dream from "Home Sweet Rubble".
The way Patrick looks in the glove costume in "Glove World R.I.P."
Then there's the scene where Patrick is chasing a bunch of guests holding a giant wooden mallet in the glove costume with just a regular expression on his face. If you can't help but laugh at that you have no sense of humor.
In "Squiditis", Squidward is shown relaxing, listening to a song on a record player, wearing an umbrella hat and is about to drink what appears to be orange juice. But then he hears that SpongeBob is next to him, causing him to do a Spit Take that blows away his record player, hat and Gossip magazine.
In "The Good Krabby Name" after seeing one too many Krusty Krab advertisements a guy states that if he sees the words "Krusty Krab" again he'll scream. SpongeBob and Patrick then crash an advertising blimp and upon seeing it he takes a deep inhale, sucking off the duo's skins in the process, then lets out a long scream giving them each other's skin.
Season Nine
From "Extreme Spots", the English fish who keeps popping up.
