Spongebob & Squidward
- The episode "Artist Unknown" had Spongebob's explanation of his piece in a one-on-one art class taught by Squidward:
Spongebob: [Showing his origami piece.] That's you on the bottom. ... [Showing his "Rippy Bits" art.] You're on top this time.
- Not to mention him going all sparkly eyed when he found out Squidward was the art teacher "You are the teacher?! To my pupil?! This isn't art class, it's heaven!"
- "If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles all over my art."
- In "Penny Foolish", we get this:
Spongebob: Squidward, you look beautiful.
- Note that moments before, he wolf-whistles at Squidward.
- Come to think of it, Spongebob rarely compliments characters on their physical appearance. But when he does, it's almost always Squidward!
- A more recent episode (20,000 Patties Under the Sea) involving Patrick and Spongebob having to deliver patties to new customers had the two drifting off in a mini-submarine waving farewell to Mr. Krabs and Squidward. Spongebob enthusiastically says goodbye to Squidward seductively while twiddling his fingers in a feminine manner. Patrick points out that "You said 'Bye Squidward' twice." Spongebob responds "I like Squidward." in a gleeful way.
- Even in the movie, Spongebob is creeping on Squidward. He ambushes him while he's in the shower and starts scrubbing his back.
Spongebob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.Squidward: (covering himself) Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?!Spongebob: There's no shower at work!
- Spongebob watches Squidward sleep, and then watches Squidward shower in "Squid Wood". Understandably, Squidward is horrified on both counts.
- In the episode where Gary goes missing, Spongebob and Patrick burst into Squidward's bathroom while he's in the bath.
Spongebob: (to Patrick) You check over there. I'll check in here. (shoves his hands into the bathtub Squidward's in while Squidward looks violated)
- In "Squidtastic Voyage", Squidward accidentally swallows his clarinet. Spongebob tries to help him and we get a shot of a mother and son walking past Squidward's house. All you can hear are sounds of Spongebob grunting and Squidward making choking noises, and the mother covers her son's ears and looks disgusted.
- In "The Paper", Spongebob keeps his promise of not giving Squidward back his paper even when the latter offers all his material possessions. What makes Spongebob finally break? When Squidward removes his clothes and hands them over. Spongebob even says "Ohh, I've always loved that shirt!" and immediately puts it on while Squidward is left completely naked.
- "Can You Spare a Dime?": When Squidward takes advantage of Spongebob's hospitality after getting fired, he has Spongebob serving him food in a maid's uniform. One that, oddly enough, has no back.
- And Spongebob kisses him goodnight on the nose, then saying, "Goodnight, my little angel." And he spoon-feeds Squidward; and when yelling at him to finally "Get a job!" he straddles him in bed and gets close to his face while doing so.
- Spongebob even stated in this episode he and Squidward are like brothers.... only closer.
- In a recent episode, after receiving a written customer order, Spongebob takes the paper and gently caresses the side of Squidward's face with it. Just imagine it is as a feather instead and shudder...
- "The Two Faces Of Squidward" was a non-stop Ho Yay fest when Spongebob accidentally slams a door in Squidward's face causing him to become handsome and everyone in town, man and woman, follows him around wanting to look upon his handsomeness, and acting like crazy stalkers. There's also SpongeBob's obsessive worry over Squidward's recovery. As well as Spongebob telling Squidward after his face changes the first time "You might even be more handsome than before. If that's even possible!" and calling him a "hunk".
Spongebob: "Oh, Squidward, I love you no matter how many times we smash your face!" (flops face-first onto Squidward, hugging him)Squidward: "I almost wish that meant something." (Squidward does not object, and in fact is smiling)
- The episode "Dear Vikings" has Spongebob kiss Squidward on the nose.
- In "The Splinter", Squidward gives Spongebob an order card that reads, "Spongebob: 2 Krabby Patties. PS, You're an idiot. Love, Squidward." Spongebob giggles and says, "Love you too, Squiddy!"
- "Squid's Visit" has Spongebob's obsession with Squidward become flanderized to the point that he becomes insanely stalker-ish in getting Squidward to come to his house. He goes so far as to steal Squidward's vacuum cleaner and turn his own house into an exact replica of Squidward's. You even have Sponge breathing heavily, looking at Squidward through the window while they're on the phone when Squid says he's coming over to get his vacuum back.
Squidward: Spongebob, how long have you been spying on me?Spongebob: ...What day is it?
- In a similar vein, during "House Fancy", Squidward catches Spongebob peeking in through the window.
- Later, Squidward threatens to call the cops again, implying Spongebob has done this before.
- In "A Day Without Tears", Squidward makes a bet with Spongebob: if he wins, Spongebob has to do his chores. But Spongebob demands that if he wins, Squidward has to sleep with him. The ep ends with Squidward and Spongebob cuddled up on a couch watching a romantic comedy, Squidward sobbing at having lost the bet... While Spongebob just smiles and wraps his arms around Squidward and draws him close... (Plus, earlier in the episode, Spongebob and Squidward had no qualms sharing Spongebob's bed)
- "Sponge-Cano". Spongebob saves Squidward's life, Squidward's house gets destroyed for the nth time. And when Squidward mourns not having a house...
Spongebob: Well, I wouldn't say that... [cut to Spongebob and Squidward sharing Spongebob's bed. Spongebob gleefully flicks Squidward's nose.]Squidward: Go away. [switches off the lights; the episode ends]
- "Naughty Nautical Neighbors" is an early example where Spongebob and Patrick fight over Squidward. You could probably get away with saying it's innocent until it reaches the infamous "Hey buddy, I warmed it up for you." scene with Patrick sitting naked in Squidward's tub. Then Spongebob pops in. "Rubber bath toys" indeed.
- Can't forget when he calls Patrick his "ex-best friend" or when Squidward uncomfortably tells Spongebob that they are Just Friends.
- When Squidward leaves Spongebob a letter, he doesn't even have to read it to know who it's from. Instead, he sniffs the envelope and sighs "Squidward!" happily.
- Squidward cracks his back by accident, which causes Spongebob to declare that he's going to "save" Squidward. For some reason, he rips all his clothes off while running toward Squidward (who is bent over), with the latter screaming at him to stay away.
- The "Christmas Who?" special. When Squidward comes into their house, Spongebob very happily sings, "Hey Patrick who's that under the mistletoooe?"
- And then there's the episode "Sailor Mouth" where Spongebob writes on a dumpster: Squidward smells...GOOD.
- In "Sentimental Sponge":
Spongebob: (to Squidward, who is in sleeping attire) May I say that's a very becoming dress you're wearing this morning.Squidward: Dress?!
- From "Graveyard Shift": Squidward saying while hugging SpongeBob because he's terrified of the Hash-Slinging Slasher "SpongeBob, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you!"
- Earlier, in the German dub, when Spongebob is excited about the 24 hour shift, he exclaims, "Oh, that's romantic!"
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I admit it, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you Spongebob, in fact, I LIKE you! I like living next door! I like hearing your foghorn alarm in the morning, and your high-pitched giggling at night!"
- "Fools in April" also has Squidward admitting he likes Spongebob in a crucial moment, but this time he does it because he feels so badly that he thinks he's hurt Spongebob's feelings. His anguished profession of an apology goes through a list of things he specifically likes about Spongebob. He goes into no details about anyone else.
- All of "Boating Buddies". It starts with Spongebob searching for the source of a "noise", and upon reaching the silent Squidward, claims it was his breathing. After a chase that gets Squidward assigned to boating school, Spongebob adheres to Squidward's side, stares at him with huge eyes while breathing in heavy glee, strokes him with a loving two-fingered caress, and even draws a big "Spongebob + Squidward, Boating Buddies 4-ever" picture on the chalkboard, complete with hearts!
- Spongebob's last line at the end of "Are You Happy Now?" when he finally gives Squidward a happiest memory. Which involves destroying a bunch of papier-mache Spongebobs.
Spongebob: "He's so handsome."
- In other countries, the line was changed to "He's so cute".
- In "Stuck in the Wringer" after Spongebob accidentally hurts Squidward, who's writhing on the floor in pain, Spongebob desperately climbs through the passageway between the cashier and the kitchen to see if Squidward's okay. Spongebob slips and lands on Squidward, complete with a SQUISHING sound effect! Then Spongebob tenderly asks him "Are you okay?"
- Near the end of Spongebob, You're Fired, when Spongebob cleans up the mess Mr. Krabs made from trying to cook Krabby Patties at the Krusty Krabs, he puts Squidward in a pink dress.
- Not to mention, right beforehand, Squidward got down on one knee and held Spongebob's hands to propose... That he come back to the Krusty Krab.
- In "Krabs a la Mode", Squidward trips and is on all fours on the floor. Spongebob puts a Krabby Patty on top of his ass and slaps it off with a spatula, spanking Squidward in the process, complete with loud smacking sound effect as Squidward yells indignantly.
- BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! Somebody put this on the Radar page!!
- "Love that Squid" challenges "Rock-A-Bye Bivalve" for the title "Gayest Episode". Squidward is going on a [straight] date, and to practice, Spongebob crossdresses, embraces Squidward, and suggests the possibility of a second date. The subtext is all there, out in the open!
- Home Sweet Pineapple involves Spongebob staying at Squid's house for the night. Somewhat one-sided as the latter is barely half awake and really doesn't know what's going on.
- In "Squilliam Returns", Squidward asks someone to pinch him. Spongebob quickly darts past and pinches (of all body parts) Squidward's ass.
- "A Friendly Game" is an episode where Patrick and Spongebob play mini-golf in Spongebob's house. It's rife with lines like "Where'd our balls go?". The kicker? Eventually, their balls end up landing in Squidward's mouth.
- In "New Digs", Squidward thinks the dishwasher has jammed so he sticks his hand into it. You hear Spongebob shout "WOOHOO!" and it's revealed he was taking a bath inside.
- "Squid Plus One", full stop. Squidward has to bring a Plus One to an event and for some reason never considers bringing a female friend (even though the term "plus one" is synonymous to "date"). Instead, he tries to hit it off with his mailman, then Larry, while Spongebob follows him around town, doing his trademark "breathe heavily and stare at Squidward" thing and looking utterly crushed every time Squidward picks someone else instead of him!
Squidward: Let's see... There must be someone who's a real part of your life, Squidward... Who you see every single day... Who you know like the back of your suction cups... (Spongebob runs past the window, laughing) Of course! (approaches him) Spongebob! I have something to ask you!Spongebob: (bats eyelashes and links arms with Squidward) Of COURSE I'll go to the opening with you!
- At the start:
- He proceeds to look irritated when Squidward reveals he wants to take the mailman, instead.
Squidward: (looks at Spongebob and realizes something) Spongebob!Spongebob: Yes, I'm still here!Squidward: I need to ask you something important.Spongebob: (bats eyelashes and smiles) You don't have to ask me three times! (rips off clothes to reveal a tuxedo underneath)Squidward: Will you tell Larry I wanna talk to him?!Spongebob: (dejected) Oh... Okie-dokie...
- The Will They or Won't They? moments continue throughout the episode, with Spongebob getting friendzoned at every turn.
Squidward: Thanks.Spongebob: Anything for a friend.Squidward: (look of realization) Friend? (the two lock eyes, romantic music starts to play, and Squidward smiles) Would you... Be my plus one? (Spongebob looks overjoyed)
- And when Squidward gets rejected by Larry (painfully), Spongebob appears and helps pull him out of the ground.
- Hell, just replace all uses of the phrase "gallery opening" with "prom" and the homoerotic subtext sounds a lot less like subtext.
- Basically, in the end, Squidward does end up taking Spongebob, in a way (he had SpongeBob wear a mirror). They show up at the event together and in the background, all the other guests are holding hands with their respective dates. It's like the whole episode serves to prove that Squidward and Spongebob are destined to keep each other company all the time, no matter what.
- This tweet from the official Spongebob twitter account◊, which is impossible to read in any way other than dirty.
- This exchange occurs in "Main Drain":
Squidward: I do not want a Krabby Patty!Spongebob: (in a seductive tone, while stroking Squid's nose] You suuure?Squidward: Don't touch me.
- When the Krusty Krab becomes a 24-hour restaurant, Spongebob tells Squidward "It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and covered with grease!"
- Spongebob thinks Squidward has been transformed into an ice cream cone in "Hocus Pocus", so he takes him to various places to give him a "normal life". One of the places is a movie theater, wherein ice cream!Squidward topples over, leaning on Spongebob's arm. Spongebob bites his lip and then smiles awkwardly at the contact.
- In "Sewers of Bikini Bottom", it is revealed that Squidward is on the top of Spongebob's to-do list. No, really: number one on his list is "Have tea with Squidward".
- Not to mention at the start of the episode, Squidward instinctively snuggles up to Spongebob while sleeping. He freaks out upon waking up, of course, but Spongebob is ecstatic as usual.
Spongebob & Patrick
- Spongebob and Patrick of SpongeBob SquarePants, to the point where the show had a huge LGBT fanbase claiming their relationship was a real gay one (and some anti-gay groups, for other reasons). Canon-wise, it reached its apex with "Rock-A-Bye Bivalve", an episode where they raised a baby scallop together, acting very much like a married couple (with Spongebob as the housewife and Patrick as the deadbeat dad). At the end, when the scallop flies away to live on its own, Spongebob remarks how that is the hardest part of a parent's life. Patrick responds with a seductive "Yeah...let's have another."
- "That's No Lady", full stop. First of all, there's the obvious fact of "Patricia" attracting Mr. Krabs and Squidward before dropping a Bridget on them, but there's also the fact that Spongebob apparently has a detailed schedule of daily activities to do with Patrick, including "Stare at Patrick". It's heavily implied (and outright stated after Patrick dolls himself up and he and Spongebob go walking together) that Patrick is Spongebob's supposed girlfriend. Not to mention at the end when Patrick tears off his disguise leaving him in the nude, Spongebob hugs a naked Patrick, takes out the schedule, and tells him "Hey buddy, what do you say we go home and get started on this list?" They then happily run out of the restaurant towards Spongebob's home.
- "Spy Buddies". When Patrick gets two-way radio pants, Spongebob goes right up to Patrick's butt crack to talk to Mr. Krabs. Then, the radio pants asks for a coin like a pay phone. Then, Spongebob raises a hand with a quarter and he and Patrick smiles. ("Coin slot" is slang for buttcrack.)
- Does anybody remember the opening to "Chimps Ahoy". Y'know, the one where Spongebob gets that backscratcher. And starts scratching his back. While moaning. With music straight out of a porn video playing. Then Patrick gets a turn. And it turns out that he was using Spongebob's arm. So, consider this. If Freud Was Right, and that backscratcher was a synonym for a 'prosthetic pleasure device' and Patrick ended up using Spongebob's arm, then does that mean...
- "The Fry Cook Games", in which Patrick and SpongeBob grow ridiculous muscles, wrestle (and end up in very suspect positions), realize what they're doing to each other, hug, and then walk off hand-in-hand in the sunset together. While still sporting said muscles.
- It gets worse: the fight climaxes with both characters trouser-less, standing in their underwear. Patrick's underwear just happens to be yellow and Spongebob's underwear just happens to be pink. So, metaphorically speaking...you do the math.
- "You know, these were white when I bought them."
- "And now for our final event... Bun Wrestling!"
- It gets worse: the fight climaxes with both characters trouser-less, standing in their underwear. Patrick's underwear just happens to be yellow and Spongebob's underwear just happens to be pink. So, metaphorically speaking...you do the math.
- The episode "Giant Squidward" has a scene where Spongebob and Patrick share the same ice cream cone, both licking it rather exuberantly.
- The Valentine's episode has Spongebob trying his darndest to think of the perfect way to "show his love" to Patrick... which involves him creating a giant chocolate heart-shaped balloon for him (with a picture of Patrick on the front of it) and having them watch it from the top of a Ferris wheel at a Valentine's Day Carnival. However, when Sandy is late getting the balloon to the carnival and Spongebob has to give Patrick a "friendly handshake" instead Patrick reacts with great disappointment and reacts like a psychotic jealous boyfriend upon finding out how many people had gotten valentines from Spongebob. As a result, he goes on a unstoppable rampage around the Carnival, and when the chocolate balloon finally arrives he calms down, happily bites into it and tells Spongebob (who are both now covered in chocolate) "Aww Spongebob you didn't have to get me anything."
Patrick: *throws a guy to the side in anger* "PATRICK NEEDS LOVE TOO!!!!"Patrick: (to Spongebob) "You broke my heart! Now I'm gonna break something of yours!"
- "Slide Whistle Stooges" has Spongebob and Patrick tie each other up in a rather big knot.
- "Spongicus" has Spongebob a little to eager to feed the sea lion the sausages that are around Patrick's neck.
"He just wants the plump, juicy, warm, succulent sausages around your neck!"
- In "Model Sponge", Patrick's suggestion to get Spongebob out of his depression is to sit down and drink some "Liquid Sausage".
- In "Greasy Buffoons", Patrick can't stop licking Greasy Spongebob. OK, you can argue that he only wanted the grease, but still...
- In "The Smoking Peanut", where Patrick is "on the case" of who upset the Oyster, and the clues lead to Spongebob, Patrick states "I am so close, I can almost taste it" and then licks what appears to be the side of Spongebob's face, but is actually a popsicle.
- "Trenchbillies". Spongebob and Patrick show the Trenchbillies Jellyfishing, and are dancing around singing. Spongebob than says "Now Patrick!" and they both lunge at each other with the tip of an iceberg, resulting in an accidental kiss.
- "Sun Bleached" might have the best example of this. At the beginning of the episode, Patrick wears Spongebob as a swimsuit.
- In "Bummer Vacation", Spongebob became crazy that Patrick has his job and waits in his house. Patrick finds him in a corner and asks him if he's okay. Spongebob turns around immediately and walks creepily towards him, one can interpret it as of though Spongebob was going rape him.
Spongebob: "I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU PATRICK!"
- Then there's this quote:
- In "Extreme Spots", Patrick sang this line when he and Spongebob were jump-roping to show they were "extreme".
Patrick: "I try on his (Spongebob's) clothes while he's asleep in bed."Spongebob: "Wow—What?"
- In "Don't Look Now", Spongebob and Patrick switch underpants as their about to be killed by the "Fisherman disguised as Squidward.
- The Spongebob cast dubbing classic movies has a few gems:
Squidward: I'm goin' now.Patrick: What time you gonna be home tonight?Squidward: I don't know. Probably late.Patrick: Mwah.Squidward: Mwah.
- This classic exchange in "Krab Borg":
Spongebob: (to Mr. Krabs) I just wanted to tell you that Squidward loves you!Mr. Krabs: (narrows his eyes and stares at Squidward suspiciously) ...Get back to work, Mr. Squidward.
- The episode guest-starring Johnny Depp. From the preview already:
Patrick: I kind of like staring at him... [to Depp's character]
- The commercial for that episode was more than just speculation, too.
- Not to mention the entire scene when that happens. Depp's character's overly-long surfboard comes out of the shack first, very slowly. Squidward out of nowhere, while watching it, um, grow, says, "Oh...my...gah-" and then faints. The Narrator describes the "really really big" surfboard slowly and with much relish, coming out of the house in a very position. All three characters are quite awed.
- In the episode "Life of Crime", Spongebob performs rather elaborate fellatio on his candy bar. Somewhere, Freud is alive and smiling at this.
- Some from Squidward towards rival Squilliam, after telling himself to imagine him in his underwear: "Oh no, he's hot!"
- From "Plankton's Army", paraphrased:
Karen: Henchmen. You know, big strong muscular men who do whatever you say.Plankton: I like the sound of that.
- "I'm Your Biggest Fanatic" - Patrick spots a guy in a jellyfish suit: "Wait, Jeffery Jellyfish! I have to touch you!" And at the end, Patrick can be seen dragging a rope-bound Jeffery away to Neptune knows where... "C'mon, Jeffery..."
- There's also Spongebob's obsession with Kevin.
- Welcome to the Chum Bucket has Mr. Krabs losing Spongebob's contract in a bet with Plankton, resulting in Spongebob working at the Chum Bucket. Cue a song Mr. Krabs and Spongebob sing about each other that sounds more like it's between Star-Crossed Lovers!
Mr. Krabs: I would trade it all away, if you'd come back to stay!Spongebob & Mr. Krabs: This kitchen's not the same without you!
- The episode "Dumped" where Spongebob is heartbroken after Gary (his pet snail) leaves him for Patrick is treated as if Spongebob and Gary were lovers until Gary eloped. And then at the end Gary goes back to Spongebob and Patrick acts as if Gary left him for another lover and screams (while in his underwear no less) "Gary, I thought what we had was SPECIAL!!!!"
- The episode where Spongebob and Plankton become friends and Plankton becomes nicer and Plankton reveals he was just faking Spongebob acts like Plankton left him at the altar. "How long were you planning on doing this?! TELL ME!"
- By the way this is when SpongeBob discovers Plankton with a Krabby Patty, and the entire reaction plays like a woman who encounters her husband when she hears he has been CHEATING ON HER WITH ANOTHER WOMAN NO LESS.
- Squidward lines up for a seven-mile long spanking machine that seems to be made up entirely of male fish.
- In Employee of the Month:
Squidward: Flowers and chocolate for you, Mr. Krabs!
- An activity in an issue of Nickelodeon Magazine has you pairing up members of the cast as dancing partners and what music they'll be dancing to. You pair up Spongebob and Sandy, Patrick and Pearl, Mr. Krabs and Ms. Puff, and Squidward and Plankton. If that wasn't enough, they dance to Show Tunes.
- A very early example: In "F.U.N.", when Spongebob is chasing Plankton, who had just run off with a Krabby Patty, Spongebob chases after Plankton using a propeller to fly away. Spongebob takes a policeman's baton and spins it around, flying into the air. The cop's reaction is to swoon over Spongebob, complete with heart bubbles.
- In "Sweet and Sour Squid", Plankton decides to get close to Squidward so he can get the Krabby Patty formula. He goes out of his way to stalk Squidward and shower him with compliments, even consulting Spongebob on what he thinks would impress Squidward. It comes across like Plankton is trying to date him.
- In "Le Big Switch", two chefs (who personify French stereotypes) greet Mr. Krabs, Spongebob and Squidward by kissing them. Strangely enough, while Mr. Krabs and Spongebob are kissed on the cheeks, Squidward is kissed twice on the mouth.
Mr. Krabs: Well, he's just as affectionate as Spongebob...
- Funnily enough, Mr. Krabs kisses Squidward and a random fish in "Clams".
- Patrick draws a sketch of Squidward eating a Krabby Patty in "Patty Caper". For some inexplicable reason, in the picture, Squidward is completely naked.
- In "One Krabs Trash", after selling Spongebob a soda-drinking hat for dirt-cheap, only to find out its a sought-after collectors item, Mr. Krabs tries to get the hat back. One of his attempts is offering Spongebob a couple other hats, one of which says "Foxy Grandpa" that makes Spongebob laugh, but it doesn't work. Mr. Krabs then says to himself "I thought the foxy grandpa would get him for sure." The bigger example is this exchange:
Mr. Krabs: I didn't wanna say this in front of Patrick, but that hat makes you look like a girl.Spongebob: (blushing) Am I a PRETTY girl?Mr. Krabs: Uhh, you're beautiful! (a nearby fish gives him a weird look and Mr. Krabs chuckles nervously)