- Before the movie even starts proper, we get this gem from the pirate captain.
- The proceeding "Gilbert and Sullivan"-style version of the theme song, as well as the pirates going to the theater, pillaging the concession stand and taking up the first three or four rows.
- The beginning dream sequence.
- SpongeBob, in true form, randomly showing up in Squidward's shower, not only singing along to his little tune with him, but harmonizing as he scrubs Squidward's back.
: (Covering himself with the shower curtain) SpongeBob! What are you DOING in here? SpongeBob
: I have to tell you something, Squidward. Squidward
: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work? SpongeBob
: There's no shower at work
: What do you WANT? SpongeBob
: I just wanted to let you know I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today
(Cut to the outside of Squidward's house) Squidward
: GET OUT!
(Kicks SpongeBob out the window) SpongeBob
: (on the ground, cheerful as ever) Okay! I'll see you at the ceremony!
- Patrick: (looks around at all the fish skulls) Wait a minute? Wait a minute!? SPONGEBOB! (beat) Make mine a chocolate!
- The "Goofy Goober Rock" sequence is just as hilarious as it is awesome.
- Patrick... with fishnet stockings. Especially when it's revealed he's still wearing them after the song.
- And before the song starts, Plankton's complete and utter confusion at the lights dimming, a disco ball turning on and dry ice inexplicably appearing around them while SpongeBob is giving his I Am What I Am speech.
- And then Spongebob turns into a wizard.
- "Is he a mermaid?"
- "Meow Plankton."
- Baaaaaalllllllldddddd! Bald! Bald!
- When Neptune rhetorically asks Mindy why his crown is important, Mindy guesses it's to cover up his bald spot. He insists that he's not bald, just...thinning, and that the crown is a symbol of authority.
Neptune: Someday, you will wear this crown.
Mindy: (horrified) I'm gonna be bald!?
- When Neptune first arrives at the Krusty Krab 2.
Neptune: Stay in the coach, daughter. This won't take long.
Mindy: Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting!
Neptune: Silence, Mindy! I know what I'm doing! [turns around to leave, but bumps into the Krusty Krab sign pole] Ouch! Squire!
Squire: Yes, Your Highness?
Neptune: Have this pole executed at once!
- Three words: The Waiter Scene.
SpongeBob: (is drunk on icecream) "Alright folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world! Patrick and this big peanut guy! It's a little diddy called, WAAIIIIITER!!!" (falls over)
- The morning after. Oh, dear GOD, THE MORNING AFTER. SpongeBob wakes up on the floor of Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat, which is now a complete wreck. The guy inexplicably but clearly has a hangover, and his slurred speech and drunken behaviour are a hilarity to watch. Especially when he angrily remembers about Mr. Krabs not promoting him to Manager, and when he notices Patrick passed out under a table — Tom Kenny's delivery of this line is PERFECT.
Waiter: Listen to me, it's eight in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going!
SpongeBob: My... (belch) friend?
SpongeBob: Patrick! HeyWHASSUPBUDDY—?! (falls flat on his face)
- SpongeBob later shows up at the Krusty Krab 2, where King Neptune has just arrived accusing Mr. Krabs of stealing his crown. Still hungover (and mistaking the KING for a woman), he tells off Mr. Krabs for thinking that he's still a kid:
SpongeBob: (belch) I'VE got somethin' ta say about Mr...(holds back vomit) Kraaabs!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy! You've come just in time! Please, tell King Neptune all about me.
SpongeBob: I have worked for Mr. Krabs for ma-many years, and always thought he was a great boss.
Mr. Krabs: (to King Neptune) You see? A great boss!
I NOW realise that he's a GREAT BIG JERK!!! (Mr. Krabs turns to him, shell-shocked)
I DESERVED THAT MANAGER'S JOB! But you didn't give it to me! Because you said I'm ma...KID! Well I am one hundred per-cent MAAAN!
And this MAAAN
has got somethin' ta saaay to yoooouuuu! (blows gigantic raspberry, then smiles smugly)
THERE! I think I made my point.
- Mr. Krabs' face in that scene. Priceless.
- Not to mention the music used the whole time Hungover!SpongeBob is on screen: "Too Tired", which is pretty much the theme song of any hangover ever.
- "Anyone else? No? Well, then..." *Shoots fire at Mr. Krabs*
- "Ooh! Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! 'I'M ON FIRE! (dives into a bucket of water'')
- "Why do I always get the nuts?"
- The Mariachi fish. They do absolutely nothing but play and watch the Cyclops writhe in agony from the angry revived fish.
- "What will it be fellas? Mustard or ketchup? (slaps knee) Ayee yuk yuk yuk ayee hah!"
- The Elevator Scene. First, SpongeBob and Patrick are on their way to the Patty Wagon, while dramatic music is playing. But, then the dramatic music stops and is replaced by calm elevator music as the two stand, expressionless, in the elevator. And then dramatic music starts playing again as the duo run out.
- Three words: Real. Boy. Ending.◊
Neptune: Where is SpongeBob, anyway?
SpongeBob: I'm up here. (hanging near the ceiling by support cables while wearing a ridiculous wizard outfit)
Patrick: (walks up while still having long legs with fishnets) I'm on it.
- The Cyclops in general. There's just something really absurd about a guy who runs a seaside gift shop walking around in an old-fashioned diver's suit above water.
- The faces SpongeBob and Patrick make during certain points in the film, like when they discover the Patty Wagon at the tough guy bar or when the monster in the trench swallows the "ice cream monster".
- "Did you see my butt?"
- This bit:
Patrick: Did you see my underwear?
Mindy: No, Patrick.
Patrick: (holding shorts) Did you want to?
- "So...you think I'm...stalling?"
- "WHERE AM I, IN CRAZYTOWN?!" An interview revealed that this was Neptune's VA Jeffrey Tambor's favorite line in the movie.
- The scream Neptune makes when he finds out that his crown is in Shell City:
Neptune: MY CROWN IS IN THE FORBIDDEN SHELL CITY!? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!! (Readies trident) PREPARE TO BURN, KRABS!
- After seeing the key to their car inside the bar Spongebob and Patrick try to come up with a plan to get it back.
Patrick: Why don't we go in and ask him for it?
Someone inside the bar: HEY?! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!! (Proceeds to beat the crap out of the man in question)
SpongeBob: Patrick, that's a terrible idea.
- After some thinking, SpongeBob comes up with an idea to cause a distraction which would give Patrick an opportunity to grab the key. However, Patrick enthusiastically proposes to switch their roles. SpongeBob, knowing Patrick, reacts to the suggestion with clear apprehension and worry, but decides to give his eager friend the benefit of the doubt.
Patrick: Ooh, ooh, wait! I wanna do the distraction!
SpongeBob: Uh, okay, I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction...
- The duo's reactions when they first look inside the bar are also pretty hilarious.
- When Patrick asks for everyone's attention, the thugs angrily look in his direction and quickly surround him. One of them (who had passed out earlier) simply gets up when he says this.
- Even funnier, now that Patrick has the whole bar's attention, what's his big distraction?
Patrick: ...I have to use the bathroom.
- "Hooray! Bubble Party!"
Victor: HEY! WHO BLEW THIS BUBBLE?! (pops it with his fist) You all know the rules!
All Thugs: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.
One Patron: ...bar
Victor: That's right! SO WHO BLEW IT?!
Victor: So...nobody knows?
Random Thug: Maybe it wa-
Victor: SHUT UP! (throws chair at him)
- The "baby hunt" scene. After one of the testosterone-poisoned thugs finds a bubble from the aforementioned "bubble party", he makes everyone, including SpongeBob and Patrick, line up and starts playing the Goofy Goober song to weed out the "babies" (because "no baby can resist singing along" to the Goober theme). He gets to Patrick and SpongeBob, and starts applying the nails by singing a few lyrics in a menacing tone. Finally, they can't take it, open their mouths... and a pair of Siamese-twins bust out instead, causing them to get beaten up.
Victor: Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby!
- Though SpongeBob and Patrick's "death" scene is very sad, there is one funny part.
SpongeBob: Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.
Patrick: You mean that we're attractive?
- The sadness is lightened a bit when it cuts to the audience and every single pirate is bawling their eyes out, until the captain's parrot (not Potty, but sounds just like him) points out that they're missing something important.
Parrot: Awwk, shut up and look at the screen!
- "GOOFY GOOBER ICE-CREAM PARTY BOAT!!!"
Spongebob: We're gonna party till we're purple!
Patrick: I LOVE BEING PURPLE!!!
- David Hasselhoff coming out of nowhere to bring SpongeBob and Patrick back to Bikini Bottom.
- How does he get SpongeBob and Patrick down to Bikini Bottom from the surface, you might ask? By placing them and the crown between his pecs and squeezing them together with immense force, which eventually causes them to jettison out from between them at rocket speed down into the ocean.
Announcer: INITIATING LAUNCH SEQUENCE.
- It gets even funnier in his last scene, after he succeeds in returning them home:
David: (Happily floating in the sea on his back, hands behind his head)
Ya done good, Hasselhoff. Ya done- (accidentally gets blasted by King Neptune's fire)
- The looks on Spongebob and Patrick's faces after a giant eel eats the frogfish that ate their boat. There's a good reason it became a meme.
- Both times Dennis gets knocked out. The first time he gets squashed by BIGGER BOOT! The second time he gets face planted on a catamaran.
- "I'm supposed to get a toy with this?" (slap) "Thanks."
- When Dennis makes a dreaded return, Patrick decides to take action:
SpongeBob: (frightened) Patrick, run!
- SpongeBob handing over Goober Dollars instead of real money in order to bribe his way out of being killed by Dennis. Dennis is not amused.
- When Dennis gets to the Thug Tug, the thugs start trying to rough him up and restate their motto. Dennis punches the leader of the thugs back into the Tug, and as he is sent flying in, the thugs slow down their recital of the motto.
- The grin on David Hasselhoff's face as he's racing through the water like a speedboat. As if he's fully aware that he's lampooning his image - like a parody of Baywatch - and loving every minute of it.
- When Mr. Krabs promotes Squidward instead of SpongeBob.
: Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd Iike to announce the name of our new manager. SpongeBob
: Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah! Krabs
: Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee. SpongeBob
: Yes. Krabs
: The obvious choice for the job. SpongeBob
: He's right. Krabs
: A name you all know. It starts with an S. SpongeBob
: That's me. Krabs
: Please welcome our new manager...Squidward Tentacles! SpongeBob
: Yes! YEAH!!! Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Whoo! Yeah!
All right! (goes up to podium)
People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of— Krabs
: SpongeBob. SpongeBob
: Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. (Krabs whispers into his ear)
I'm making a complete what of myself? (more whispering)
The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? (more whispering)
And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone?
- The deleted scene in which Spongebob and Patrick meet up with Sandy in the real world (cut because it involved an indiscreet vomit joke) being capped off with a brief glimpse of human versions of SpongeBob and Patrick laughing at a human version of Squidward in his own recumbent bicycle.