- Brenda and The Oracle face two characters from The Ring, Samara and her mother, respectively. The utter ridiculousness of the cat fight will make sure that you can never take The Ring seriously ever again.
- The Architect: "My wife desperately wanted a child. But she couldn't get pregnant. Neither could I."
- "We loved our daughter but she was evil. Made the horses crazy. Killed our puppies. Hid the remote. Really sick shit."
- The funeral scene.
- It's easy to miss, but the "Room for rent" sign in front of Brenda's house at the beginning.
- This exchange:
George: You know your teacher, Miss Brenda?
George: Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death! Gone, gone, gone just like your dog!
Sue: My dog's dead?!
George: I just ran him over with the car when I drove in! Everyone you love around you is dying!
- George's white hoodie resembles a Ku Klux Klan hood without him realizing it; hilarity ensures when he puts it on in triumph after a rap battle in front of a predominately black audience. He doesn't make matters any better when he does a gesture resembling the Nazi salute.
- *kazoo* "Bitch." *kazoo* "Ho."
- While Cindy is searching the web, she gets startled by a foghorn from the next scene.
- The Overly Long Gag in the cellar where they're attempting to barricade the door. George accidentally jams a large piece of wood into Tom's crotch.
Tom: ARGH! My balls!
George brings him two bowling balls, jamming them into his crotch too.
Tom: No, not those! Jesus!
George approaches him with a statue of Jesus.
- The scene where Cindy is talking to her boss about the crop circles.
- Fighting back against the aliens.
I've got it! Without their heads, they're powerless!
- Then it turns out that the aliens don't actually mean any harm, and that they say "hello" by strangling people. George asks how they say "goodbye", and one of them demonstrates.
George: (groans) I had to ask...
- Child abuse is normally not very funny, but the scene where Cindy accidentally backs up into Cody and sends him flying down the street was one of the most random and funny moments in the whole movie.
- The "alien sightings" videos played on the news station. The exact reversal of a Funny Background Event.
- "NOW WHO DA FUCK DID THAT?"
- "These men died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and ho's."
- "Cindy, the news is on! Another little white girl done fell down a well! Fifty black people got they ass beat by police today, but the whole world gotta stop for one little whitey down the hole!"
- There's something very amusing about a character played by Leslie Nielsen calling another character an idiot.
President Harris: "Look at this! Humans and aliens working together! We're all one big galactic family!"
George: "Family... that's the thing I've been running away from."
- The President and a Secret Service man thinking everybody in the room is an alien. Disabled people and Girl Scouts getting beaten up has never been so funny.
- George recreating the vomit scene in 8 mile, only in a surprising twist, he throws up on a toilet with someone using it. He apologizes and the guy screams "Motherf--" before George closes the stall door. Later on a depressed George is accompanying his friends while they throw paint at people they drive pass. The same guy from the bathroom earlier gets hit with a paintroller full of yellow paint shouting the same word again before being cut off.
- The girl from the video is on the phone telling Cindy "seven days," meaning that she's going to come to kill her in seven days. Cindy says "I'm gonna die next Monday" and the girl is all "Wait... that's seven business days." She then asks if she counts holidays and she says it depends on which one and when Cindy specifies Martin Luther King Day, she says "no." Cindy whines that everyone at work is taking it off and the killer retorts that if she's not happy with seven days, she could just come over and kill her right now.
- Cindy arrives home to find George knocked out at the table. "Yahtzee!" (bangs head on shelf)
- "I just want to tell you both good luck, we're all counting on you."
- Cindy's son Cody has just watched the videotape, so Tabitha makes another call...
Tabitha: It was great catching up. Can I speak to Cody?
Cindy: Why? He didn't watch the tape.
Tabitha: Yes, he did. Come on, Cindy, I do this for a living.
Cindy: (picking up after Tabitha calls again) Hello?
Tabitha: Hello, I'm calling from Reader's Digest with a fantastic offer for Cody.
- The scene where Cindy, her boss, and a janitor are fighting over the teleprompter, and the newscaster somehow managing to read the resulting gibberish with a straight face.
- The janitor eventually manages to get a hold of the teleprompter, fending off Cindy and the boss...
I been cleanin' after this dumb-ass cracker Giggins for ten years, but I been hittin' it with his woman for twelve. Know what I'm sayin', nigga? She likes her some chocolate. Sharpton for President y'all. I'm outie.
- Tabitha sees Cindy's love for Cody and it moves her... except not.
Tabitha: (turns into a beautiful young girl) Thank you all. Your love has freed my soul. I won't have to kill again.
Tabitha: (turns back into her original monstrous form, pulls out a knife) I'm just screwin' with ya!
- "Cruel fate" keeps Tom from hearing his dying wife's words...
Tom: Oh, cruel fate to shroud my wife's dying words in mystery!
Annie: No sex!
Tom: Poor Annie. We hardly knew her. She'll be missed terribly.
Annie: Oh, Jesus.
Tom: That's right, honey. Go into the light.
Annie: Look! Just tell George, swing away.
Tom: Right. Swing away.
Annie: Oh, sure. That you understand.
- "And now the killer video that kills you seven days after you watched it, we're the only station that has it and we are showing it all night."
- The aliens using a reflective knife to look under Cindy's skirt and getting turned on.
- After a car drives down the road a few times in identical shots, it randomly explodes.
- The pool vacuum party.
- Jody and Kendra drive out to the cabin in the woods. What makes it funny? The vehicle is an incredibly obvious remote control car driving through an incredibly obvious miniature set.
- Say what you will about the movie, but "Mama" attacking as a wig was both hilarious and quite well executed.
- The opening with Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan.
- Everything with the preist played by Katt Williams.
Priest: If a room turns on you, it's either a ghost or a demon.
Jody: Can a demon take over someone? Like, live within them?
Priest: Damn, that's some scary shit.
Jody: So a demon is about the worst thing you can have?
Priest: No, ma'am, an STD is the worst thing that you can have.
Who do you know who wants to hurt you? Do you have a jealous colleague at work? A Facebook friend you might have ignored? Maybe you adopted a small African child named Ikatababwe, promising to feed this nigga for 25 cents a day BUT THEN HE NEEDS SOMTHING TO DRINK
- When last see Ceaser.
Ceaser: IDIOTS!...(realizes he can talk)I can talk!
Man's voice: Hey, Caesar.
(The man takes off his mask to reveal he's a monkey)
Ceaser:(gasps) Steve? Dan's got a mad demon in his house.
Steve(gasps) Matt Damon's in his house?
Ceaser: No, a mad demon.